tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57594836171727113112024-03-08T07:00:21.998-05:00My thoughts on life...This will be my observations on my life and sometimes others but most of all it's a glimpse into how I think with questions...takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-32718281958430346512022-12-08T22:10:00.004-05:002022-12-13T15:25:49.405-05:00Pallet yard<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezv5CtmV7wRerkL58pJtatij4hMw09AkCsI7LT4DsovWvyRJOvJ-X7IGS1pLHBgzkfKX0vBvOyQAjre_virowjL62tFlo3XfcT9ZJIGqoUYB5t4gvY2S8FBKJGzPvxW5yFX9iOsuHkTPli8HXqiuc6_GmPPbkuDgY1-jNNr7k6V9Tb1mPfNuqcdqk/s960/1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezv5CtmV7wRerkL58pJtatij4hMw09AkCsI7LT4DsovWvyRJOvJ-X7IGS1pLHBgzkfKX0vBvOyQAjre_virowjL62tFlo3XfcT9ZJIGqoUYB5t4gvY2S8FBKJGzPvxW5yFX9iOsuHkTPli8HXqiuc6_GmPPbkuDgY1-jNNr7k6V9Tb1mPfNuqcdqk/s320/1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8-5p_vWeHGyBEIFs0Y5d0TpAnr-KbSxiQdMTcA6_eZGs3rlB_ydSdh-jgN8gGaUk-sOofV7IhA04u2ZQf7QuV4Zu7szuY2Wx4rfxq3zJpzVI7oR2OGCme47KWDbL5q3XgJ0TcIovH2pc3Of21zP-t6Es5Ne_0Q00MVvyLtRTUPIu8CT0rq7U7pO0d/s4032/1%20Cleaned%20open%20area.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8-5p_vWeHGyBEIFs0Y5d0TpAnr-KbSxiQdMTcA6_eZGs3rlB_ydSdh-jgN8gGaUk-sOofV7IhA04u2ZQf7QuV4Zu7szuY2Wx4rfxq3zJpzVI7oR2OGCme47KWDbL5q3XgJ0TcIovH2pc3Of21zP-t6Es5Ne_0Q00MVvyLtRTUPIu8CT0rq7U7pO0d/s320/1%20Cleaned%20open%20area.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">02/08/15</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tim Johnson,
204 Oakwood Drive, Matthews NC 28104, <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After much
consideration of the ongoing issues that you seem to have with all of us that
back up to “your” Union Rd. property, I have decided to write this letter to
you for several reasons. The first being
that it is hard to finish a sentence with you because you like to interrupt the
conversation many times and the second being I do not want my words to be
exaggerated or twisted in any manner, so with a written record that will be
harder for you to do.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There used
to be natural woods behind our property that my dad loved to sit and watch. Now
there is nothing but a junk yard that is a constant eye sore to us all. The property values were already low but with
that eyesore it is even lower. By
design? I don’t know… But I will tell
you this; I am not selling this property although I may rent it out
someday. Also Dad may have liked to
watch you work as you said but he was always hoping you’d clean that mess up
and restore some order out there.
Apparently that is something you cannot or will not do for some reason.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Since dad
has been gone it seems you have decided that you are the king out here and feel
the need to tell everyone what to do whether it has to do with our own property
or not. You do not even live on that
property behind dad’s house and yet you believe that you have the right to do
anything with any of our properties at any time. Here is a news flash… you do not… at least
where my dad’s property is concerned. In
my mind it will always be dad’s…<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Under the
guise of helping people you let Donnie, a then homeless individual, live on
your property without a thought that 2 single females were only a few feet
away. It is my understanding that you
would not pay him very much for the work he did do for you and that’s why
things came to a halt. Most people do
not like to work for next to nothing in my experience. Luckily Donnie turned out to be decent enough
guy and there were no problems at least on our end. Your anger at him and Sandy seems to stem
from your loss of almost free labor, not from that fact that your wife suspects
you of cheating due to your own indiscretions in the past. You told me that you asked Sandy directly to
not walk her (dying) dog on your property and that she would not comply but I
have since learned that you never asked her directly. When I discussed the issue with her, she
stopped immediately and now stays on my side of the line. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Which brings
me to my next point; you do not have the decency to talk about any issues face
to face where they have a chance to be resolved. Instead you like to talk trash behind peoples
back and that leads me to believe that you have or will do so the same with me.
Case in point when you single Anthony
out when he is alone and come bitch to him about what he is doing with my
blessing and he tells you to come take it up with me, you say… “I don’t want to
hear her bitch.” Another news flash… we
are all tired of hearing you bitch but that doesn’t seem to stop you from
carrying on now does it? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Another case
in point; when you told Anthony that the only reason Mr. Dave cuts everyone’s
grass is because he was a nosy old man. It is so far off the mark that it’s
funny and it says a lot about what kind of person you really are. Dad thought mighty highly of Mr. Dave and he
was the true person who helped my dad out many times over when I wasn’t
here. It is him that has my respect. FYI he mows grass because he is retired and
looking for things to do. He never
starts trouble of any kind and he is the one that truly helps people.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anthony can
build a fire out back any time he chooses and any wood left on dad’s property
will be burned as well as any other wood that he can forage for; that is not on
your property. At the very least he is
responsible with the fire and does not leave them blazing unattended like you
do on occasion. Dad told me once that he
called the fire department on you because you were careless and let one get out
of control. Which brings me to another
point about your constant claims of not wanting people on your land because you
think they can get hurt as you stated to me about why Sandy couldn’t walk her
dog or even me walking Gus to dad. If
those claims were true then you would take more care not to burn the
neighborhood down and wouldn’t have hired Melissa and Tim G’s boys to work on
your property, again for next to nothing, and then demand they not use it as a
cut through. I see a pattern of behavior
here and it shows that you take far more than you give. You also like to accuse others of doing what
you yourself are doing. It is called
gaslighting and it’s an old tactic used by people who have no conscious so go
ahead and call me crazy while you are at it.
It will simply prove my point even more so than you already have. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Also the
fact that you slam pallets down between 5 and 6am is tiresome and shows you
couldn’t care less about the people in this neighborhood. I don’t care if you are trying to run a side
business this is not a commercial property, it is a residential one. Now I
do understand you are trying to make money to care for your family and I
usually admire a hard working man. But
what you don’t understand is that most of us here are trying to do the same
thing. We just do it without running
over anyone else as you seem to like to do.
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Next is your
ridiculous claim that the water hose to drain the shower and sink water from
the camper is causing an overflow of “your” drainage ditch is another example
of you causing problems where there are none.
But FYI, that situation is being remedied soon. The ditch is not on your property nor does it
cause any issues for you. It causes
issues for me and Hub because we have houses on these properties that can be
flooded in a hard rain. You only have
wood and trash that gets wet so if it’s that much of a concern for you then
move your wood and trash away from dad’s property line closer to the road and
you will be just fine. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It would be
in everyone’s best interest if you would build a privacy fence around your
property and if you could make it a least 12’ high between the dividing lines
of our property it would solve both of our issues. But somehow I don’t think you are interested
in solving any issues, just causing trouble.
So when time and money allow I will be building that fence to block the
view and to keep you off this property. But in the unlikely event you do decide to put
up a fence, I suggest you get your property surveyed because I will not be
having a 40 year feud with you about property lines that my dad had with Jack
Dewberry, the previous owners of the place Sandy lives in.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I did a
quick tax record search and it still shows the address listed under Betty
Quinn’s name so either you have not filled for title in your name or you do not
own the property at all. Either way, it
is only 0.6500 of an acre and from the looks of it you are using way more than
that. In fact it looks like you are
encroaching on all the surrounding properties trying to claim more land for
yourself. When you placed no trespassing
signs on dad’s land I think you were trying to add a little more to your
already poached land. Nice try… I know that your property is pie shaped,
unbuildable and not very valuable. I
also know a little about squatters rights here in NC and so far from my
research, that will be expanded over time, I’ve found that NC does not honor
any rights a squatter may claim so you seem to be out of luck there, but I
could be wrong. Time will tell and in
any event I’m not giving you the chance.
Also dad told me that you were interested in buying Dean and Tiffany’s
place, the one where Betty and Quinn lived in, right out from under them. My question is why are you so interested in
buying or stealing all the land you can get your hands on around here? Don’t worry, I don’t expect an answer. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s a damn
shame that you have no respect for my father than this and I have no illusions
that you will show any more respect to me or my renters or even the
neighbors. Each of us talks with one another
and we know what you are doing so it will not work. But I will say this for the last time… I am
done dealing with your BS. I have other
things to deal with and again you do not even live here so you have no business
demanding, bullying or harassing any one here.
I hope I have made myself crystal clear about these issues and you
understand that I will not back down.
I’ve had plenty of experience in dealing with people like you and I am
not intimidated in the least. However it
is extremely unfortunate that this situation has come to this.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A copy of
this letter has been given to all the neighbors and Hub Dorton as well.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkKxGGvpDSyUSBRnugnRCXvM6ED_PvsGQarzXoOE4qcKl9BdQmLq5j83SQHIUpkWRU1OS4yrV0QGlIdLUAxnUFr4UI0B9D14Zmc_TduaLXuDhkNzxZg2WUU-M8IfuD_PYyZQIm5Ad9_cHZZkU2x5vtu0vOzDnil3AOjWWddbluD4GB-l-hvHjnZJ8/s1238/Storm%20email.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="326" data-original-width="1238" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNkKxGGvpDSyUSBRnugnRCXvM6ED_PvsGQarzXoOE4qcKl9BdQmLq5j83SQHIUpkWRU1OS4yrV0QGlIdLUAxnUFr4UI0B9D14Zmc_TduaLXuDhkNzxZg2WUU-M8IfuD_PYyZQIm5Ad9_cHZZkU2x5vtu0vOzDnil3AOjWWddbluD4GB-l-hvHjnZJ8/w556-h146/Storm%20email.png" width="556" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p></div>takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-11352316184760298642022-07-29T22:11:00.007-04:002024-02-10T10:04:49.530-05:00Taming the Yard<p> <span style="font-family: arial;">Picking up where I left off in January 2021, there was a break with the construction so I could finish the clean up and the many little things that comes along with such a huge project. There were some rough patches with plans along the way in 2022 as my GC Jason had emergency surgery and then suffered many complications from the surgery so he couldn't come back. That led to searching for a landscaper in the middle of summer when most every good one was booked to the gills and while coordinating all the other contractors at the same time. So here are more detailed pictures of the outside as we go along...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Remember the flood?</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXt19rGYZGaLATWI2HP2c7uDqAV1Z4GC92_BQh-s3wbdRzhsRwZX9VqsOoB4DPoweOYCLSV152L_yGBtjUUGJseRYi49A0NHK66o6pywd3rbmgZTHb5IYLK3wi5qnU_bPhjn6u2nFhv1Aok6L8KTA7BHB0ETqPfFiERrXwjQbzkodbQMtEAaBJAu-4/s960/9.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXt19rGYZGaLATWI2HP2c7uDqAV1Z4GC92_BQh-s3wbdRzhsRwZX9VqsOoB4DPoweOYCLSV152L_yGBtjUUGJseRYi49A0NHK66o6pywd3rbmgZTHb5IYLK3wi5qnU_bPhjn6u2nFhv1Aok6L8KTA7BHB0ETqPfFiERrXwjQbzkodbQMtEAaBJAu-4/s320/9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTwpna3AzPEIfkT0CkumvOgG8kJlpp10MiG0IXQ4chMXKl8iDiCFoCO3oplenYB85FewsLmF5hikkyjqgf2qXwz7VCJZ3mOpumwfrekDkIb3FY7IsG0fGUvkI278sBQZCSTJKoz5oSwx26VSBRipv_slnlTwEQUoBT3XUKfrN1czQMd3i9vwlQs4DB/s960/7.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTwpna3AzPEIfkT0CkumvOgG8kJlpp10MiG0IXQ4chMXKl8iDiCFoCO3oplenYB85FewsLmF5hikkyjqgf2qXwz7VCJZ3mOpumwfrekDkIb3FY7IsG0fGUvkI278sBQZCSTJKoz5oSwx26VSBRipv_slnlTwEQUoBT3XUKfrN1czQMd3i9vwlQs4DB/s320/7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHBHLXkgZb8sexJztQkKsWPH4ofMINi3h68TqYhHb7hxNYfH9BQpK5veRFS9LK6RrKTf16gq9fuxJR2AQqt0ZUH15gVduE2uAq6RmEMOIRqm4ehhp598640TUvE8JRacL55clEBRByIca6CXuKay5X_xA_v7zlHaex0rwg-E4-ngVN33Jci_CMimEs/s960/8.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHBHLXkgZb8sexJztQkKsWPH4ofMINi3h68TqYhHb7hxNYfH9BQpK5veRFS9LK6RrKTf16gq9fuxJR2AQqt0ZUH15gVduE2uAq6RmEMOIRqm4ehhp598640TUvE8JRacL55clEBRByIca6CXuKay5X_xA_v7zlHaex0rwg-E4-ngVN33Jci_CMimEs/s320/8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>The neighbor's house and the street.</span></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOPrvcZHuoDhT5ha6HjYCGBNCnpTt-a4qJ3Kju3AaHXh3Zd3z-kkCe8ThUcTvlsLTC-AXkf4qE36ysmVTYtRp-aXphRZXStGPbbpzQ9vl5HaJWg0csXoxDdSXSLTBAWlYDcBdXIHe37AqzNEPp8hWE4kBzHNPVP3bQKe760V31NIEFh4FPDGKBIkUT/s960/12.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOPrvcZHuoDhT5ha6HjYCGBNCnpTt-a4qJ3Kju3AaHXh3Zd3z-kkCe8ThUcTvlsLTC-AXkf4qE36ysmVTYtRp-aXphRZXStGPbbpzQ9vl5HaJWg0csXoxDdSXSLTBAWlYDcBdXIHe37AqzNEPp8hWE4kBzHNPVP3bQKe760V31NIEFh4FPDGKBIkUT/s320/12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8d1AH6KCqDi1PPpTeDkZqcGC4CuJPImjw2_u4rCFymDHS0VCbzXmlHaIX33iP80HfREjZP58vo6y33QFDC-AN0k0SUn9all8pnSMnWWNu8qJBNqR0GauBX9q75IpC3Pkup3dSHaVp0tPuaSjxFQpjZYBY8gvNWj3Mn_lT47lm1eRre1z0PsrAbpo/s960/4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8d1AH6KCqDi1PPpTeDkZqcGC4CuJPImjw2_u4rCFymDHS0VCbzXmlHaIX33iP80HfREjZP58vo6y33QFDC-AN0k0SUn9all8pnSMnWWNu8qJBNqR0GauBX9q75IpC3Pkup3dSHaVp0tPuaSjxFQpjZYBY8gvNWj3Mn_lT47lm1eRre1z0PsrAbpo/s320/4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This next pic was taken 7/2022 after some rough grading had been done but still needs more work to push the water back some more.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSeWQdC8XPGzQO4iB-gzStoPH_18xk6AYiprS8SQCl9wZwoF-eJ3O5NNuiKF_3hXcLcc0c6eftqFzZuDCCaTEikqIf9cursKI_7J0nBuHKeVudPy5WadqsH8K8v54pjFp808IaDMBwRETFmmgzfg6F7LuMk-GHTZAlivukC4CXqd0q2X-xSQsijkyM/s1080/New%20flooding.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSeWQdC8XPGzQO4iB-gzStoPH_18xk6AYiprS8SQCl9wZwoF-eJ3O5NNuiKF_3hXcLcc0c6eftqFzZuDCCaTEikqIf9cursKI_7J0nBuHKeVudPy5WadqsH8K8v54pjFp808IaDMBwRETFmmgzfg6F7LuMk-GHTZAlivukC4CXqd0q2X-xSQsijkyM/s320/New%20flooding.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So on to the before pictures in 11/2019:</span></div><div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0J5I8huPx8ZHQszfs-K8kHgvmc-pWJPZjRLSM3sWiYCfS92BA_n2f_7Rv-xkcBZIqQ9Cx8xt_j0LzU4vl-mWCySWPPCU78iWx_3_2KDeIWznCCMYsu2_rmULne8O2Vx9sOgRoRYBxCPAnwMTcE1L7Lr7XoeVwZQmpfGx86vPlL6yifvw2DKAeMOO/s3264/Front%20toward%20left.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ0J5I8huPx8ZHQszfs-K8kHgvmc-pWJPZjRLSM3sWiYCfS92BA_n2f_7Rv-xkcBZIqQ9Cx8xt_j0LzU4vl-mWCySWPPCU78iWx_3_2KDeIWznCCMYsu2_rmULne8O2Vx9sOgRoRYBxCPAnwMTcE1L7Lr7XoeVwZQmpfGx86vPlL6yifvw2DKAeMOO/s320/Front%20toward%20left.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAFDKAPPJR6rfiGGzUoZQtYGA8WptTow1S-lHNpv6VM1bqRWAwJ1F-IauQlKEMiKeHdOr9ZXkAwIhs7lckjluryzIR-INMK7ejIOminXaMur_X9MXfqxNbC_sukNF7rcq5SuB0LALGd7FwIHJaSO4jEty7RU3QIL1mdaqmj139zAKM2hYrD2S3b96f/s3264/Front%20straight%20back.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAFDKAPPJR6rfiGGzUoZQtYGA8WptTow1S-lHNpv6VM1bqRWAwJ1F-IauQlKEMiKeHdOr9ZXkAwIhs7lckjluryzIR-INMK7ejIOminXaMur_X9MXfqxNbC_sukNF7rcq5SuB0LALGd7FwIHJaSO4jEty7RU3QIL1mdaqmj139zAKM2hYrD2S3b96f/s320/Front%20straight%20back.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3Kw43ljtIKuRAk6_EB_PB9gpPsv9yaxPGTgL3j-9NkSAN9-6nTISKrIbs3GDPH4bsXxHbdSRYOImrgTAnnOF3uqAeZLPhPWFS8o9PtJ-kxLR8Np78R8PNQmc_gVzFge8J_NlV_UukMKbUtZqw20T0CICi85EZszHSj1_FTWa4A200zX91hBN4A07r/s3264/Front%20left%20straight%20back.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3Kw43ljtIKuRAk6_EB_PB9gpPsv9yaxPGTgL3j-9NkSAN9-6nTISKrIbs3GDPH4bsXxHbdSRYOImrgTAnnOF3uqAeZLPhPWFS8o9PtJ-kxLR8Np78R8PNQmc_gVzFge8J_NlV_UukMKbUtZqw20T0CICi85EZszHSj1_FTWa4A200zX91hBN4A07r/s320/Front%20left%20straight%20back.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsx8eSIN1QsRhu4_pJDkXPdwjiwxQ2M1CC7qquJRqyQJONjppLkB5h8QyVgVQNUZJtx2T64SeLGI909zBqRZHB-zOzUuwwZWCtKUKxwsSzJYSL99LARILgSYyBHxKQkXUKZHVudqu9KSL7m_Nze5N2bXhwbj-heB2X-6BXY1_LvMA1E5fi4ox6Vpie/s3264/Left%20side%20MBed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsx8eSIN1QsRhu4_pJDkXPdwjiwxQ2M1CC7qquJRqyQJONjppLkB5h8QyVgVQNUZJtx2T64SeLGI909zBqRZHB-zOzUuwwZWCtKUKxwsSzJYSL99LARILgSYyBHxKQkXUKZHVudqu9KSL7m_Nze5N2bXhwbj-heB2X-6BXY1_LvMA1E5fi4ox6Vpie/s320/Left%20side%20MBed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjai051L0XKzklRZJSVkM6CGeFP1G9-3Mwd4Q-7RT7b9VkXEeF0At1cZqdfNn7HQtZY3d0XOf7BS73AC4NDdWjVj3v2KaOFrMvSMfLeShs-kqvfs4aGjHBnL6uI7wMB3s3ZMTxx4P0oeaWR6ZJgM3zc0HCYnn3jYD7iJ1srv7WGmzWVwnx6O247Kame/s3264/Rear%20right%20Room%20expansion%20Ret%20wall%203.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjai051L0XKzklRZJSVkM6CGeFP1G9-3Mwd4Q-7RT7b9VkXEeF0At1cZqdfNn7HQtZY3d0XOf7BS73AC4NDdWjVj3v2KaOFrMvSMfLeShs-kqvfs4aGjHBnL6uI7wMB3s3ZMTxx4P0oeaWR6ZJgM3zc0HCYnn3jYD7iJ1srv7WGmzWVwnx6O247Kame/s320/Rear%20right%20Room%20expansion%20Ret%20wall%203.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAvTDiBefyLP_kKUYQ1KOtOGUoXZXMoGz6YqEGDm0_1BJKriw_4xj65cPPuBzI25GheQCswAz8zKm8qwV8wth2xGBI9RkRlNO62LSDpRsNDbHy68jWQ__rvMx4kByLt4a7Vh2nmNVwf1S81qTtuq0I6QnQzr0-CsqUbcN3KryFKvcdQBiAw576USB/s3264/Back%20deck%20left%20door%20kitchen%20Ret%20wall%202.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOAvTDiBefyLP_kKUYQ1KOtOGUoXZXMoGz6YqEGDm0_1BJKriw_4xj65cPPuBzI25GheQCswAz8zKm8qwV8wth2xGBI9RkRlNO62LSDpRsNDbHy68jWQ__rvMx4kByLt4a7Vh2nmNVwf1S81qTtuq0I6QnQzr0-CsqUbcN3KryFKvcdQBiAw576USB/s320/Back%20deck%20left%20door%20kitchen%20Ret%20wall%202.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXGeFzNUNwMn4ZF6AxrqbVjMG6FacW_mW4fvMZ0yp3MTNDoXaGVn3GUmqczu4ZqshY4b9eV0CYrmhPY7BYw6f4vAM9cYwMIYvGkIXg-BuEB7g9xD2zd8d0SVVzmQL3_k1Sm0CvI6zmuMcTZ7Fix1KpXjN3stTqAaoRg9d4iPGeuGkx5lEoc9uLoHa/s3264/Back%20angle%20right.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXGeFzNUNwMn4ZF6AxrqbVjMG6FacW_mW4fvMZ0yp3MTNDoXaGVn3GUmqczu4ZqshY4b9eV0CYrmhPY7BYw6f4vAM9cYwMIYvGkIXg-BuEB7g9xD2zd8d0SVVzmQL3_k1Sm0CvI6zmuMcTZ7Fix1KpXjN3stTqAaoRg9d4iPGeuGkx5lEoc9uLoHa/s320/Back%20angle%20right.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEs8zBo8ObQKrws7zlPG0FQW7vx-_eV6llTfbL0oslCsL1s7anQzeRJYgSsTQQI06oI02SX-ca3jxRrKgaJYPhUwQrLEWNelUSnwG56Sysj245Qr13neL6-rp8cZU51qjemEe50A7SjPc1CfMGEsYz1RnEVEFtI51VE2WYseC8wUBhiABb9vi7gm8b/s3264/AC%20side%20angle%20Ret%20wall%201.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1836" data-original-width="3264" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEs8zBo8ObQKrws7zlPG0FQW7vx-_eV6llTfbL0oslCsL1s7anQzeRJYgSsTQQI06oI02SX-ca3jxRrKgaJYPhUwQrLEWNelUSnwG56Sysj245Qr13neL6-rp8cZU51qjemEe50A7SjPc1CfMGEsYz1RnEVEFtI51VE2WYseC8wUBhiABb9vi7gm8b/s320/AC%20side%20angle%20Ret%20wall%201.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">View from the backside of the house:</span><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrJk0SlORkZmwJiAZmNPH43H6w79L2EYCjQGPvmh_dxS1NYCeSmiMn0WNxzFuMC-pVhNCzMdBkIIV6oRswztSHMzwAzIBUDXzUUgQNR439qQdwYGSsJJ1c6ly2Qf1ZTmuwEjdqYVe2jWzAIAb-0k0uhrWUd_PvjSx6dRFfmUkIBpmnQKs3sAZlpw8/s1080/Larger%20mtn%20of%20cardboard%20bales.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrJk0SlORkZmwJiAZmNPH43H6w79L2EYCjQGPvmh_dxS1NYCeSmiMn0WNxzFuMC-pVhNCzMdBkIIV6oRswztSHMzwAzIBUDXzUUgQNR439qQdwYGSsJJ1c6ly2Qf1ZTmuwEjdqYVe2jWzAIAb-0k0uhrWUd_PvjSx6dRFfmUkIBpmnQKs3sAZlpw8/s320/Larger%20mtn%20of%20cardboard%20bales.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYePMEFz3FryceX17YvXWKbyODWwuREzDYrZ3wjkBwOfcX0bqaTrPN3cTLYj3bNSDS9ygp9mYheUcew3hgGJ3VyRfCLxuyDUDULXttNAK6Wn1cRP6MA0A3GFvJOGZj95FLdNlCybP_bswdJLQSeRR2tjLdzkpss8EpczwLTX_xD6I8CYIuKyAWh2KB/s1080/4%206%20before%201.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYePMEFz3FryceX17YvXWKbyODWwuREzDYrZ3wjkBwOfcX0bqaTrPN3cTLYj3bNSDS9ygp9mYheUcew3hgGJ3VyRfCLxuyDUDULXttNAK6Wn1cRP6MA0A3GFvJOGZj95FLdNlCybP_bswdJLQSeRR2tjLdzkpss8EpczwLTX_xD6I8CYIuKyAWh2KB/s320/4%206%20before%201.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">The start of the fence and bridge over creek:</span><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCK8djVtqTRoKoQ67oW7jg2fHDFP5puN9qLTGotZ7OxZUY_axhtJIkwhapNo9N0wpQiSARkLxMVG_z58zHn5bT-nl42VjvXOuPga8_KHTI5b_tyiKSOoIdLcHN6Qhp6dMYajEh8TFMjzVVi8k7LQYeprPTrrgWjfriFM7xTVMlvJi2l0HB9EIub3hL/s1080/4%206%20after.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCK8djVtqTRoKoQ67oW7jg2fHDFP5puN9qLTGotZ7OxZUY_axhtJIkwhapNo9N0wpQiSARkLxMVG_z58zHn5bT-nl42VjvXOuPga8_KHTI5b_tyiKSOoIdLcHN6Qhp6dMYajEh8TFMjzVVi8k7LQYeprPTrrgWjfriFM7xTVMlvJi2l0HB9EIub3hL/s320/4%206%20after.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqYmW77CXOURJdyhBgEqWCGRu8K5lxE9jG3JhSz8fhjBA_76xDQYBd6TALeIOe9wZlnapYjhQ0jrFRO_0J44meupjVcOpC8bdD8O3qmrEPS9cn9fyC45WdEqH-MOFwrjoW58ZLApjOl3PRj-Vzd2aknTXIRmB3qUrAkOkAypbppPhLtDT-2RA7volV/s960/Bridge.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqYmW77CXOURJdyhBgEqWCGRu8K5lxE9jG3JhSz8fhjBA_76xDQYBd6TALeIOe9wZlnapYjhQ0jrFRO_0J44meupjVcOpC8bdD8O3qmrEPS9cn9fyC45WdEqH-MOFwrjoW58ZLApjOl3PRj-Vzd2aknTXIRmB3qUrAkOkAypbppPhLtDT-2RA7volV/s320/Bridge.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">All trees cleared, stump grinding complete and the spots are too acidic to grow much, for now. I wanted to address why I had most of the trees cut down. With the exception of 2 pine and 2 dogwoods, the rest were sweet gum trees that produce what we call gum balls. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">The line of trees at the front have been hacked repeatedly by the power company over the years and were showing signs of disease like mushrooms growing on the roots. The sweet gum that was about 6 feet from the house was huge and while I miss the shade, it was too close to the house. The pine and dogwood trees where invaded by carpenter ants to varying degrees as they are attracted to trees that are not in good health. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">A little further down you will see pictures of a large oak tree that started to lean and then fell because it was a tall top heavy tree and the root ball was pulled from the ground. I didn't want to put all this work into the house just to have a tree fall onto it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">All tree work was done by Integrity Tree Service and those guys just rock! </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA24g3fNtJChu0BDfkT__0fo-nfxLDGnLNRzJb5XnDkhRn0gO3ZpdI0KUeEjtY7M21hX_Cjq-CO_wP_LRUfnTtqW6lWyjg3_fnpbezzsrNly0brdFWk9PwtjUaY_wkuXHSX8R4SlN4SlPwWiaHFFxZYAxoXatBeE3j-2pOM-5RMKPDdLvYjzaevsAC/s4032/Blank%20slate%20front%20yard.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA24g3fNtJChu0BDfkT__0fo-nfxLDGnLNRzJb5XnDkhRn0gO3ZpdI0KUeEjtY7M21hX_Cjq-CO_wP_LRUfnTtqW6lWyjg3_fnpbezzsrNly0brdFWk9PwtjUaY_wkuXHSX8R4SlN4SlPwWiaHFFxZYAxoXatBeE3j-2pOM-5RMKPDdLvYjzaevsAC/s320/Blank%20slate%20front%20yard.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>And then the septic work began:</span></div><div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI86lal5QJEXryq1aox6Tt8Uz0HmHPmT4bIT-8qXJsEt8ZNtn7ha9M-rX4kCjWtQtSx_dhFuzcx8Pzgz2Ucx-_FCvJcc9aH2fMji2XphRmwcwZuYybFvHCSm6kjtZ3ThwnAWn99T6cX_aOFuq9z6mBeQoloJbp2v2aMDwgr_3Wtn_WMncdiqnKo3tt/s1080/Septic%201.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI86lal5QJEXryq1aox6Tt8Uz0HmHPmT4bIT-8qXJsEt8ZNtn7ha9M-rX4kCjWtQtSx_dhFuzcx8Pzgz2Ucx-_FCvJcc9aH2fMji2XphRmwcwZuYybFvHCSm6kjtZ3ThwnAWn99T6cX_aOFuq9z6mBeQoloJbp2v2aMDwgr_3Wtn_WMncdiqnKo3tt/s320/Septic%201.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisnnEEixYYP8rhJR2aTodSP56e7OuBRk5792nfDhhEGBR0kKDx89KZ5z5yx7wfF5xvA5YkuSHTjX61SSej4fF9x3aC-8tFSbK5_ClTJTxUKb_tFHBxoiNqNQBStjUrONZ6v_1FnKh8KgT39fZRLiWAcKsyrjbk9tFWeWLQ_E_JOhF0KFeRRR6D54z2/s1080/Septic%202.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisnnEEixYYP8rhJR2aTodSP56e7OuBRk5792nfDhhEGBR0kKDx89KZ5z5yx7wfF5xvA5YkuSHTjX61SSej4fF9x3aC-8tFSbK5_ClTJTxUKb_tFHBxoiNqNQBStjUrONZ6v_1FnKh8KgT39fZRLiWAcKsyrjbk9tFWeWLQ_E_JOhF0KFeRRR6D54z2/s320/Septic%202.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ727uD_5uUtjEQDtEeStvblmtSqBCAB_tc_spHaAv6Yiin971LiSbQlMjcyWA6SaB7lGtWTNZqWJmqHTaAXXZxDMHXz1jwMOBAkpXX6Wrbe5v-KrWbzSxJTGjc4nAa1RMyEWrqf8gxhNuoIe4R7bUkJuqy6taV5ua7rdYOnY9957dQoBBgKaMORPg/s1080/Septic%203.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ727uD_5uUtjEQDtEeStvblmtSqBCAB_tc_spHaAv6Yiin971LiSbQlMjcyWA6SaB7lGtWTNZqWJmqHTaAXXZxDMHXz1jwMOBAkpXX6Wrbe5v-KrWbzSxJTGjc4nAa1RMyEWrqf8gxhNuoIe4R7bUkJuqy6taV5ua7rdYOnY9957dQoBBgKaMORPg/s320/Septic%203.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;">The shop foreman, Rocky, taking a break in the sand pile.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix-Nph28gQJahpRGJsw-16C-GigCgahG_giiNJmP2gMv969F6G9u_O69H_ToW1n-2Ryn9wseNKq1vNJQ8ikypeoi6K4_ZBIQPa3fE5Ddse2e9_yj8y9VZXfdAZQIQ4RzyadP9dV5eAeVAZw7okZFx99vO-HL7k3HxzzilloCBKT8khaxR58yO35byn/s1080/Septic%204.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix-Nph28gQJahpRGJsw-16C-GigCgahG_giiNJmP2gMv969F6G9u_O69H_ToW1n-2Ryn9wseNKq1vNJQ8ikypeoi6K4_ZBIQPa3fE5Ddse2e9_yj8y9VZXfdAZQIQ4RzyadP9dV5eAeVAZw7okZFx99vO-HL7k3HxzzilloCBKT8khaxR58yO35byn/s320/Septic%204.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkandr5PqyhYIJkyMMpHuy9CAFKHW5jWQKsWOKYQ2CF-MemvE9sGbi7gTKKj3ofcAe1Q5LPhcB5N5JhAQKH6I-zKD0Tm3LzG_TSWkCShRy_nJkgCivuGQXVpHHoi7NOD2d49jSpkFaWj-0VAHuooAefijWPIprJUMm1Z3BkrHa91nJf3neEAtlGAfj/s1080/Septic%205.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkandr5PqyhYIJkyMMpHuy9CAFKHW5jWQKsWOKYQ2CF-MemvE9sGbi7gTKKj3ofcAe1Q5LPhcB5N5JhAQKH6I-zKD0Tm3LzG_TSWkCShRy_nJkgCivuGQXVpHHoi7NOD2d49jSpkFaWj-0VAHuooAefijWPIprJUMm1Z3BkrHa91nJf3neEAtlGAfj/s320/Septic%205.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIgv5WtqsoUnflyaRMD_oAzIwffh5U_F4X8N5IKyLN_NrJq3tvmBE08-psPEjP9rd4EUpM6sZZeYvHazkl7fHnH_tFlVYOtcyDUJ9sxPD-fzTgRIEPuD4ns8hlACWWfpRISVr5WN1qaBwA2FGfTdb5oB7AgDakuHLOnsZB7pYw8YgJ5nJSmgxtYCZL/s1080/Septic%206.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIgv5WtqsoUnflyaRMD_oAzIwffh5U_F4X8N5IKyLN_NrJq3tvmBE08-psPEjP9rd4EUpM6sZZeYvHazkl7fHnH_tFlVYOtcyDUJ9sxPD-fzTgRIEPuD4ns8hlACWWfpRISVr5WN1qaBwA2FGfTdb5oB7AgDakuHLOnsZB7pYw8YgJ5nJSmgxtYCZL/s320/Septic%206.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhweqrnGgmXT3aHD9TMhl1jmWia_0Ob5hTQ3O7QJGba6Dmzw8g3AAGMVav0xh5H_huaERHgefZ9CVC6kzH_ExyOkvH59Bfptq_c3WgkG9FqYa05XncF6Szy2ux3pLlDmopinZx55cktafQ2r9viYwvlcswc-TjWk7wCpxQ4oZ3mDLeTWOaZvoRYB9hy/s1080/Septic%207.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhweqrnGgmXT3aHD9TMhl1jmWia_0Ob5hTQ3O7QJGba6Dmzw8g3AAGMVav0xh5H_huaERHgefZ9CVC6kzH_ExyOkvH59Bfptq_c3WgkG9FqYa05XncF6Szy2ux3pLlDmopinZx55cktafQ2r9viYwvlcswc-TjWk7wCpxQ4oZ3mDLeTWOaZvoRYB9hy/s320/Septic%207.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzvROp_z7LsKiI-bEGNwhgUYV8aXFfb3vTXixymUVR1y5Cj2DZH6gzwP6uS1R_wHEiyoFcpD5cJAOC4bTVzDKsbWAV9Or29wVl5P3YyCJXLuDpJ0bpugkAoc8h7--tbannTe1eYaCaVv-gN8a-AcdazY3zrYSqcXfzOwsU1QSPvf78dUEQ-6zwFhJr/s1080/Septic%208.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzvROp_z7LsKiI-bEGNwhgUYV8aXFfb3vTXixymUVR1y5Cj2DZH6gzwP6uS1R_wHEiyoFcpD5cJAOC4bTVzDKsbWAV9Or29wVl5P3YyCJXLuDpJ0bpugkAoc8h7--tbannTe1eYaCaVv-gN8a-AcdazY3zrYSqcXfzOwsU1QSPvf78dUEQ-6zwFhJr/s320/Septic%208.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">New water main installed.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxx6_pshiHbDr1xWEuGlRGqkEFal8P7yNuyIT4utcsVTkjjub3TF0UTucmvB2yrkK-48CkFfYdwGKG11gogY3Tdpk2Ca_R8BZz_J29IEEmJ_168TjWgkfEQep1CQYm5CQdHfDtsuBzU3M4P3TEs0SROSRd8cugjnJ3txUMrlaLkgX0Puzig73yFs9O/s4032/Main%20water%20line%20replaced.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxx6_pshiHbDr1xWEuGlRGqkEFal8P7yNuyIT4utcsVTkjjub3TF0UTucmvB2yrkK-48CkFfYdwGKG11gogY3Tdpk2Ca_R8BZz_J29IEEmJ_168TjWgkfEQep1CQYm5CQdHfDtsuBzU3M4P3TEs0SROSRd8cugjnJ3txUMrlaLkgX0Puzig73yFs9O/s320/Main%20water%20line%20replaced.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Back yard spigot for the raised garden beds... eventually. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYeSUGtkHH0Q_GpmJ_sHsxtrZ90JYpJRUkdy104wTZ3iuGS45am5y1DpaTWlXuLZBhcQ52KhIUCKLVvYcwDtyCIIyIayzOJeHq7D2sTQTVMM0q0-UY1m42_QVCjE9aLlHhIigMFFm2hLc6QEUtddzzuJ9aBk3J8X14Ga-j89YN9B8JmtmznZ947Itj/s4032/Back%20yard%20spigot.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYeSUGtkHH0Q_GpmJ_sHsxtrZ90JYpJRUkdy104wTZ3iuGS45am5y1DpaTWlXuLZBhcQ52KhIUCKLVvYcwDtyCIIyIayzOJeHq7D2sTQTVMM0q0-UY1m42_QVCjE9aLlHhIigMFFm2hLc6QEUtddzzuJ9aBk3J8X14Ga-j89YN9B8JmtmznZ947Itj/s320/Back%20yard%20spigot.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Conduit for Trey's lamp that I've been waiting for 14 years to put up.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwx2C85BFvFtGqIn4Qq0PkbqqpT11PK-UhgA-5MgMXCtDIa2sA0jmwdaYsCE2cuoDvMNdhcZWX0j1wcpI9x9S0VjKkjwQ_e9k1PQgZ7AQLwCft4WARotkDs1PBM-6K4vAJAXKRONLzZQfXA1CpMQwXzVUSlb4nT00BHQgwPbSp_-Lx8hJrABYbBnH/s4032/Electricl%20Lamp.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinwx2C85BFvFtGqIn4Qq0PkbqqpT11PK-UhgA-5MgMXCtDIa2sA0jmwdaYsCE2cuoDvMNdhcZWX0j1wcpI9x9S0VjKkjwQ_e9k1PQgZ7AQLwCft4WARotkDs1PBM-6K4vAJAXKRONLzZQfXA1CpMQwXzVUSlb4nT00BHQgwPbSp_-Lx8hJrABYbBnH/s320/Electricl%20Lamp.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And then the rain came in again with some more flooding the first of the grading seem to hold off the worst of it. It lasted almost a week and ultimately weakened the root of a super tall white oak in the back yard. The tree was leaning heavily toward the newly constructed fence and would have cost a fortune to take down. The tree company advised me to let it fall and replace the 2 sections of the fence because it was cheaper and safer because the location of the tree was hard to reach. </span></div><div><p></p></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Now as an aside, I need to mention the guy with the pallet yard behind my property is difficult to deal with in the best of times. He tries to take over properties adjacent to his, even with proof of survey's and repeated request to remove all debris to flat out demands that he do so. He has no respect for any of the neighbors, property lines, noise ordnances and even went so far as to remove the survey stakes done in 2009 causing me to repay for a fresh survey. He argued with the fence people, the survey people and of course me. He has had the county called on him several times by several different people over the last 3 years, cleans up some and when the coast is clear, restarts piling the trash up. With all the grading he has done to what was a natural flood plane, it has caused us on this side of the creek to spend thousands of dollars to mitigate the damages of the floods. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">When I discovered the tree about to fall, I sent him a text reporting the fact and advising him to move a non running truck that was stored on a property that he does not own and was ordered by the county to remove earlier. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Now here is the interesting part, for me at least. I feel like I used all my luck up for a long while with this tree. I saw the root lifting on a Tuesday, I was able to get the fence people out to remove the sections where it was going to fall on Friday, the tree fell on Sunday right through the post and the tree company was already scheduled to come on Wednesday to remove one last tree damaged by the septic company when digging for the drain lines so they were able to cut it up while here. Whew!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrWM4R6QDLtz-SuoT8M8utWdQzSFvVwuZR1TgG7gcdFj9bOYsKgbXAUdQ4cKJNsTilk3NzT5s-_ehsVg1vFbuSjFgOk4SeVErbp30dLLbTAn35IQQBXQ90GstOepY-4G7VxQ2YmI1t2LiGhM9MNcwUkcMlMq1ZLTxa6i9-pj8l9IqviR7ptyYqBtzz/s4032/Tree%20falling.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrWM4R6QDLtz-SuoT8M8utWdQzSFvVwuZR1TgG7gcdFj9bOYsKgbXAUdQ4cKJNsTilk3NzT5s-_ehsVg1vFbuSjFgOk4SeVErbp30dLLbTAn35IQQBXQ90GstOepY-4G7VxQ2YmI1t2LiGhM9MNcwUkcMlMq1ZLTxa6i9-pj8l9IqviR7ptyYqBtzz/s320/Tree%20falling.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBBDQbrenF01ApvxD-nrMJfXPMB41FmYQ8HCgi4TjRXPO8LJCuUOK9JYsBnpWnYqR2_izN2QIQRJgYVFmAKSpnztwRrVgbTumZWOL-5zP1-Q85Fs5nXyJHPOz3XW2hbvW4dDqqOEbzAGySuYU-S5Gkg_KvwMrpFkHupGcHjZTSXJzWHzIcqCWishtU/s4032/Tree%20falling%202.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBBDQbrenF01ApvxD-nrMJfXPMB41FmYQ8HCgi4TjRXPO8LJCuUOK9JYsBnpWnYqR2_izN2QIQRJgYVFmAKSpnztwRrVgbTumZWOL-5zP1-Q85Fs5nXyJHPOz3XW2hbvW4dDqqOEbzAGySuYU-S5Gkg_KvwMrpFkHupGcHjZTSXJzWHzIcqCWishtU/s320/Tree%20falling%202.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyoWLiWMiy6h-1ulCyQjyaLIucvfe9Kf4LO7PTMTAFnqXR_B_A-b3KscO1kPrMj1iyvvZdY1EuWVkbWU4iaJ-_bznigMudJHwvlzzPAg4yhyRtZpdhJ5E54Z_svn_SoZb2g95-x293QzldNpyTizXDE9h3sVkJsJ7CPZx4gOqsbyIrk71dQibNCLsX/s1080/Tree%20falling%203.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyoWLiWMiy6h-1ulCyQjyaLIucvfe9Kf4LO7PTMTAFnqXR_B_A-b3KscO1kPrMj1iyvvZdY1EuWVkbWU4iaJ-_bznigMudJHwvlzzPAg4yhyRtZpdhJ5E54Z_svn_SoZb2g95-x293QzldNpyTizXDE9h3sVkJsJ7CPZx4gOqsbyIrk71dQibNCLsX/s320/Tree%20falling%203.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQSQx3K21Xz0mk8Fcc70Sd_-Zd7AsXg7ZgzP47GqRQIJpFo7foCZmey56ZuLvENzG3IRhBywGsZ_z294gjqfucByZc_QlEusM0u4OeNI9zry2sbzpxcPZzGk32JMgtUzji2D_sp9RZFnokYg8rtQl-i760VvPOoAKYg3aA6MksDnl1KvBCzx6UTT85/s1080/Tree%20falling%204.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQSQx3K21Xz0mk8Fcc70Sd_-Zd7AsXg7ZgzP47GqRQIJpFo7foCZmey56ZuLvENzG3IRhBywGsZ_z294gjqfucByZc_QlEusM0u4OeNI9zry2sbzpxcPZzGk32JMgtUzji2D_sp9RZFnokYg8rtQl-i760VvPOoAKYg3aA6MksDnl1KvBCzx6UTT85/s320/Tree%20falling%204.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnmP6OLMpWMwLjGZgd99OlqXUl29A5zB4bBAYzD37En20d9EbjSeckc1IcdCa9HhdemnPimYU7_QO3ZzhIBVxzH-_OTtRYgI0qiNpNwWKt_Zq1RdgpO-tv42FKKj8QVQJ108aoGObt7Ow3Mr8lamTChUjsRkxPhj1D2rSyt3g0J4mYI04KfMa98hwn/s1024/Tree%20falling%205.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnmP6OLMpWMwLjGZgd99OlqXUl29A5zB4bBAYzD37En20d9EbjSeckc1IcdCa9HhdemnPimYU7_QO3ZzhIBVxzH-_OTtRYgI0qiNpNwWKt_Zq1RdgpO-tv42FKKj8QVQJ108aoGObt7Ow3Mr8lamTChUjsRkxPhj1D2rSyt3g0J4mYI04KfMa98hwn/s320/Tree%20falling%205.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLnL4RKgA6wbo8z1NOyjOMmcrtYCRBLOOxsrbJcP1Kpp5B2cSZygofhsdg-xIZSTqfZWqKW-LZQJJ_3mInB_eA3WrPLik-glNWXTFiMEIQBFRaUmUYAP3z8f1Uuj-qekxvNtFBoNFD6MzrnD5zpNkP8K7eYIoxqyAzKPSfcUJxBBF0wrByF9qiNOqp/s1080/Tree%20falling%206.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLnL4RKgA6wbo8z1NOyjOMmcrtYCRBLOOxsrbJcP1Kpp5B2cSZygofhsdg-xIZSTqfZWqKW-LZQJJ_3mInB_eA3WrPLik-glNWXTFiMEIQBFRaUmUYAP3z8f1Uuj-qekxvNtFBoNFD6MzrnD5zpNkP8K7eYIoxqyAzKPSfcUJxBBF0wrByF9qiNOqp/s320/Tree%20falling%206.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOBWkfXoqbRVPswcdVAeWz2PsaSEXsLdj6wU5krUKeVDD-6R4SDSd3GHAiHSQRnDyOnMhm3k1Be0s-n9KtnZhaPY216gHV126lFju-IHZiFzQetcQdJcTp5hmNj-nQ1E-Vu_wqb5dNpf3QOaAls09p-itugdKXhapvPskIPjLFNjhwnaHkroAHdi8r/s4032/Tree%20falling%207.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOBWkfXoqbRVPswcdVAeWz2PsaSEXsLdj6wU5krUKeVDD-6R4SDSd3GHAiHSQRnDyOnMhm3k1Be0s-n9KtnZhaPY216gHV126lFju-IHZiFzQetcQdJcTp5hmNj-nQ1E-Vu_wqb5dNpf3QOaAls09p-itugdKXhapvPskIPjLFNjhwnaHkroAHdi8r/s320/Tree%20falling%207.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="font-family: arial;">So now the rest of the work begins where the landscapers Carla and Josh bring in 4 truck loads of dirt, 3 truck loads of gravel, 4 trailers of red mulch, 2 trailers of pine needles and 1 trailer of straw. They also purchased almost all the trees and shrubs and cut up the fallen tree into firewood.</span><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnv-Yzkxy9BD-Yvr5awj1ZaXpEUB5yzMJP9N0lIO02eLAqR9DrFJ3rU9aJq4tQi67DENl_JBMlgCBtrPeTJCkjIQi6698mZJVIrSPpuqn8isFv_-mgeytcV4OCcbvR6R6mesuswP8vqOYh5NNR1lb_GHq1t5wWIkmu-uyCOIWo4-nH94oGvQIhB-Swck/s1080/Walkway%20to%20rear.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnv-Yzkxy9BD-Yvr5awj1ZaXpEUB5yzMJP9N0lIO02eLAqR9DrFJ3rU9aJq4tQi67DENl_JBMlgCBtrPeTJCkjIQi6698mZJVIrSPpuqn8isFv_-mgeytcV4OCcbvR6R6mesuswP8vqOYh5NNR1lb_GHq1t5wWIkmu-uyCOIWo4-nH94oGvQIhB-Swck/s320/Walkway%20to%20rear.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Walkway to rear.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLVV0rKXeD8yhzcYvb3rBW-sX65L_9LwR_6Lw_71wCYcUcOtRiEQpRo7AD2eBMdlwKOaZG7YiDQ4v5ToY5k8Z2HtlyRtWdYpVgxDi4-VrG25riGPahRtqBDeGM27E-j0ly4ymmmRIhbDSWWbObQqA87448z-x2BMlFQYfh95fZdCGA10Jn8_36WinDE1U/s1080/Butterfly%20black%20berry%20bushes.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLVV0rKXeD8yhzcYvb3rBW-sX65L_9LwR_6Lw_71wCYcUcOtRiEQpRo7AD2eBMdlwKOaZG7YiDQ4v5ToY5k8Z2HtlyRtWdYpVgxDi4-VrG25riGPahRtqBDeGM27E-j0ly4ymmmRIhbDSWWbObQqA87448z-x2BMlFQYfh95fZdCGA10Jn8_36WinDE1U/s320/Butterfly%20black%20berry%20bushes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Butterfly and blackberry bushes.</span></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3MfoMgFyMEDp_55QFHJku6z_Q4M58SZehcDjoYRPZgnl5NOoMIyCt-jYe1AEfdljQyo2a3qzV7SxWuO3jUTS8739wL0C2CEzWj4HXjwAyfuQFF691aqkOgAjHC-GwEJyDmA6z2hqexlR-aZaAEiNUomYuMJYtD3SdADGNEqj-9SJ0NEk71yor6EwQU0/s1080/Cleaned%20up%20porch.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3MfoMgFyMEDp_55QFHJku6z_Q4M58SZehcDjoYRPZgnl5NOoMIyCt-jYe1AEfdljQyo2a3qzV7SxWuO3jUTS8739wL0C2CEzWj4HXjwAyfuQFF691aqkOgAjHC-GwEJyDmA6z2hqexlR-aZaAEiNUomYuMJYtD3SdADGNEqj-9SJ0NEk71yor6EwQU0/s320/Cleaned%20up%20porch.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Cleaned up porch.</span></div><br /><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4RRWbkkX81oWkr1vF3fj68n1X9ezCV4d8mL6n2q9jVIAPkJw8heCV-OiLiNeC6L4wO6un0SpFLOqL0ABw_MmWcu2k9E3FYxdItyoFhqOjp7yYbgER1pBLTVMWWh9DAa2UYOpySxOcCskuNu4gdVGtj1oNlxdJOhQAaZzTVIefAXLCVSHKE2jYyETzKQQ/s1080/Newly%20done%201.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4RRWbkkX81oWkr1vF3fj68n1X9ezCV4d8mL6n2q9jVIAPkJw8heCV-OiLiNeC6L4wO6un0SpFLOqL0ABw_MmWcu2k9E3FYxdItyoFhqOjp7yYbgER1pBLTVMWWh9DAa2UYOpySxOcCskuNu4gdVGtj1oNlxdJOhQAaZzTVIefAXLCVSHKE2jYyETzKQQ/s320/Newly%20done%201.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Newly done 1.</span></div><br /><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTBrjorOq-EI17MtwvjSPzI64utZvQD73tq9OyLpX4olgwcxfO2iZEL2GguUdmCjYh0VTajK_8klkqAORiB6Ar_Z0UzAITPQDGQu3O1vpCGcK7qQoVtmGb13ZoqUASPu7YPvY2VMXatMgmq8YRgc3rMkrSdksPLzKKTvBZrSjYVvAUPaijT7AhIAJW0Fo/s1080/Newly%20done%202.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTBrjorOq-EI17MtwvjSPzI64utZvQD73tq9OyLpX4olgwcxfO2iZEL2GguUdmCjYh0VTajK_8klkqAORiB6Ar_Z0UzAITPQDGQu3O1vpCGcK7qQoVtmGb13ZoqUASPu7YPvY2VMXatMgmq8YRgc3rMkrSdksPLzKKTvBZrSjYVvAUPaijT7AhIAJW0Fo/s320/Newly%20done%202.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Newly done 2. (Carport in progress.)</span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8rUj-JF0UKy9bGrSP-wrTzZduI9riQgu5r2-r5fUaoyzRHgYH_myOajOEGk6hqx3RwUv4LQoB-mVqwjzAgUZumj-fdwG4_ihH2j3xsF__t28h5TFh8cB52FHxd6VUSaChhMIm6S4lwTtjsTC5jEQtq3LcRfN-zRInwwPELdbb0TIA_lBJ7p-kgncrmUk/s1080/Newly%20done%203.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8rUj-JF0UKy9bGrSP-wrTzZduI9riQgu5r2-r5fUaoyzRHgYH_myOajOEGk6hqx3RwUv4LQoB-mVqwjzAgUZumj-fdwG4_ihH2j3xsF__t28h5TFh8cB52FHxd6VUSaChhMIm6S4lwTtjsTC5jEQtq3LcRfN-zRInwwPELdbb0TIA_lBJ7p-kgncrmUk/s320/Newly%20done%203.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Newly done 3.</span></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwdKjLY-0m_phnx5pMv7JCga28KrL4tl8Bj3hu-wHJuhkUIExavsvg8mxnM8MTfIFHQfYXmjZ-2Fy2RCuSb6k01iOubvj5hoFLUV4lXxXcrsC5tDpIxUto_qnKMEhoCMPIsKsEvNS8yAcOypfqXl7Z-1NYCg6_FKhZDtZa3uaW3N0o-SKZMxmijwC4ltk/s1080/Newly%20done%204.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwdKjLY-0m_phnx5pMv7JCga28KrL4tl8Bj3hu-wHJuhkUIExavsvg8mxnM8MTfIFHQfYXmjZ-2Fy2RCuSb6k01iOubvj5hoFLUV4lXxXcrsC5tDpIxUto_qnKMEhoCMPIsKsEvNS8yAcOypfqXl7Z-1NYCg6_FKhZDtZa3uaW3N0o-SKZMxmijwC4ltk/s320/Newly%20done%204.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Newly done 4.</span></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLLQ2CbloTlKnSbc4WpZZ7ztHJ2OYWY4Ws8d8rG7zynpOtF3OmYx27Tnp9ALkv1LSBjgh_mavgf9T08p38GUFWwzP26cgbOpuTdaxO0OLBSajEv00CvIlXQvMl5bdhbUeCfuSXCgVc9BAsk3qLHgYnCQWhEq609Ci16r62gLmZTaxokHsHKbpgslxT0Lc/s1080/Spring%20afterwards.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLLQ2CbloTlKnSbc4WpZZ7ztHJ2OYWY4Ws8d8rG7zynpOtF3OmYx27Tnp9ALkv1LSBjgh_mavgf9T08p38GUFWwzP26cgbOpuTdaxO0OLBSajEv00CvIlXQvMl5bdhbUeCfuSXCgVc9BAsk3qLHgYnCQWhEq609Ci16r62gLmZTaxokHsHKbpgslxT0Lc/s320/Spring%20afterwards.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Spring time.</span></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqlEC8iWl37JcTzZF0s_LlKgQs4YWsuodafQtv3Xbu63alKB_mvt3-hXuu3o2MxocwkRkH928dnJUjnM3sFxj5IEsQLFhyAfPQ-Fbn6FAoUKdpeXTR4ww-bWYfMDHQ4oG0s4sgX-JjSqrAGk5NmP_OxZ8L4b29qq0kNgCRhzuhZmun9DVSrtDV30eTGI/s1080/Fall%2023.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqlEC8iWl37JcTzZF0s_LlKgQs4YWsuodafQtv3Xbu63alKB_mvt3-hXuu3o2MxocwkRkH928dnJUjnM3sFxj5IEsQLFhyAfPQ-Fbn6FAoUKdpeXTR4ww-bWYfMDHQ4oG0s4sgX-JjSqrAGk5NmP_OxZ8L4b29qq0kNgCRhzuhZmun9DVSrtDV30eTGI/s320/Fall%2023.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Fall 2023.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The biggest rain to come brought more flooding of course but all extra dirt, grading and other work over the years seemed to pay off because it was not near as close to the house as before.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsekIhJqNx56AHm5ifd4T-PuKn0yCpuvctz0MSDRqKXbkkgay4gfhIs15ndJwrOZrA0a41NKiiWqtJsMX0BGcCuU2V1lEqeQSnne9loxXz8-QJ7crSkP_uv7iLh7lttQ8ugICvOQsMWLVjz8iFvuZKNoMSHmFwjqatmZL07g1fDzzDhmVuVgt8pLA-w8/s1080/18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsekIhJqNx56AHm5ifd4T-PuKn0yCpuvctz0MSDRqKXbkkgay4gfhIs15ndJwrOZrA0a41NKiiWqtJsMX0BGcCuU2V1lEqeQSnne9loxXz8-QJ7crSkP_uv7iLh7lttQ8ugICvOQsMWLVjz8iFvuZKNoMSHmFwjqatmZL07g1fDzzDhmVuVgt8pLA-w8/s320/18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoLL1e64Kgu6lMxqRlm5aYTsZtksOacc0yoYAkIvsTUj9idXCdGT9EJWGGsyrsyUbiYCuvUD5T4RbmVzqMqWowogUvYFZ3c5jZkyimLh8oHWKNUda_kypcBQagzDvI6XFe32sNc-pwHyQR7b-BUhW8cnd3q5hqzHTe_MZijzl7RZfJrC8jbNvx-a2d_o4/s1080/19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoLL1e64Kgu6lMxqRlm5aYTsZtksOacc0yoYAkIvsTUj9idXCdGT9EJWGGsyrsyUbiYCuvUD5T4RbmVzqMqWowogUvYFZ3c5jZkyimLh8oHWKNUda_kypcBQagzDvI6XFe32sNc-pwHyQR7b-BUhW8cnd3q5hqzHTe_MZijzl7RZfJrC8jbNvx-a2d_o4/s320/19.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLARnwN71kIVS5eVDchslwMNn7SyuONdqRUkkTVnHcu5-e8eHH9w3WmIHTY1iIJzuhB8RgRar16HINy7vw4I_cbZtHWc_6yD3syb3frViv_XDDmst27AlvRnoTQynYN-mPLR-ygBKXxxZsGeEGt_d16tF01VoLBDB1LJs_NgWBjzgYh_ePW7TqNLQCyU/s1080/20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLARnwN71kIVS5eVDchslwMNn7SyuONdqRUkkTVnHcu5-e8eHH9w3WmIHTY1iIJzuhB8RgRar16HINy7vw4I_cbZtHWc_6yD3syb3frViv_XDDmst27AlvRnoTQynYN-mPLR-ygBKXxxZsGeEGt_d16tF01VoLBDB1LJs_NgWBjzgYh_ePW7TqNLQCyU/s320/20.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSq7xQB_aJZKS9P9M974gXgtiGYRjpgtoC5kCS3MTgcFMidH4zCYBLh1BMfeRAvKd4BbrYKV8VUpOsSa8UqTOSNexmYUzeiIB0y_1OQV9rGygWpRwn1UO0IdmIRv0mLKZsk-r-8l43JS8mn6XdcIrPVz249R0o_AEDTZhFxSq4KGvkhXle-5JOmzIOAwM/s1080/23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSq7xQB_aJZKS9P9M974gXgtiGYRjpgtoC5kCS3MTgcFMidH4zCYBLh1BMfeRAvKd4BbrYKV8VUpOsSa8UqTOSNexmYUzeiIB0y_1OQV9rGygWpRwn1UO0IdmIRv0mLKZsk-r-8l43JS8mn6XdcIrPVz249R0o_AEDTZhFxSq4KGvkhXle-5JOmzIOAwM/s320/23.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-16896475730848446982021-01-20T18:59:00.025-05:002022-07-31T09:26:15.256-04:00Almost done<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When I first moved in this house was in such sad shape, it really should have been condemned. Over the years the house dictated what I had to work on, not the other way around. Septic tank issues, back yard drainage issues, electrical and plumbing problem were the norm. It was deemed the house from hell.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">With the remodel almost complete with the exception of touch up painting as well as some things that need a first coat and staining the decks here are some before and after pictures. The second picture top is the side with my pitiful attempt to keep water out of the a/c unit. We have built a new retaining wall around that and the whole rear of the house to keep the flooding at bay. This was 2015 and I had to replace a fairly new a/c unit when it went out in December of that year along with all the duct work under the house.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fqOnLPidBks/YAoylB93ivI/AAAAAAAAC_4/rB1S3WcQB-kN_AsUL4q5Q451PUbX8XXFQCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/9.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="960" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fqOnLPidBks/YAoylB93ivI/AAAAAAAAC_4/rB1S3WcQB-kN_AsUL4q5Q451PUbX8XXFQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WAkCChcrATg/YAiIZHscdLI/AAAAAAAACzI/kEYIXWUK3zEkek0bLMgQ8Fw3WVWaRkrhQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1154/2%2BSide.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1154" data-original-width="947" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WAkCChcrATg/YAiIZHscdLI/AAAAAAAACzI/kEYIXWUK3zEkek0bLMgQ8Fw3WVWaRkrhQCLcBGAsYHQ/w263-h320/2%2BSide.png" width="263" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Front with the old dying trees and healthy gum ball trees removed, added larger front porch with a wheel chair ramp, shutters, gutters and soffits. Replaced all the insulation underneath with new, sprayed for mold and added a dehumidifier. Still deciding on what color to paint the red brick.</span></div><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x5EJPciBTSY/YAiJoxfGy9I/AAAAAAAACzU/NJg9b0GcSBA_3JqXMqO0FkveoVdcpY7vgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1068/1%2BFront.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="965" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x5EJPciBTSY/YAiJoxfGy9I/AAAAAAAACzU/NJg9b0GcSBA_3JqXMqO0FkveoVdcpY7vgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/1%2BFront.png" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old rear of house with sad, weird deck that was falling to pieces due to improper construction and poor maintenance. New covered, screened in deck, retaining wall and the addition which was really adding on a bedroom to a closet because the tiny room was the size of one.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LH8IG3-sahM/YAiLKEFqHDI/AAAAAAAACzg/Y9ImUiqdy8IDeMUEJ9ESCTwp8j1fSexWQCLcBGAsYHQ/s925/3%2BBack.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="744" data-original-width="925" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LH8IG3-sahM/YAiLKEFqHDI/AAAAAAAACzg/Y9ImUiqdy8IDeMUEJ9ESCTwp8j1fSexWQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/3%2BBack.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Original side of the master bedroom and the new side showing the addition, new stairs to the door and shutters on the bathroom windows.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aUq6QBeHV-0/YAiMJa45rqI/AAAAAAAACzs/_LZwxXTIlnkwSlHxeMk3zscCGfRGBP2pACLcBGAsYHQ/s969/4%2BAdd%2Bside.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="952" data-original-width="969" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aUq6QBeHV-0/YAiMJa45rqI/AAAAAAAACzs/_LZwxXTIlnkwSlHxeMk3zscCGfRGBP2pACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/4%2BAdd%2Bside.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old and dark entrance from front door into the living room.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TFahg8ad1aU/YAiToxvDYZI/AAAAAAAAC2c/L62N4DVfvsQNwmfdLP4Wquc7e0yDqxmDQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Living%2Broom%2Bfacing%2Bfront%2Bdoor%2Bkit%2Bon%2Bright.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TFahg8ad1aU/YAiToxvDYZI/AAAAAAAAC2c/L62N4DVfvsQNwmfdLP4Wquc7e0yDqxmDQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Living%2Broom%2Bfacing%2Bfront%2Bdoor%2Bkit%2Bon%2Bright.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Brighter and lighter with a LOT of electrical repairs and updates including recessed lighting that goes through out the house finally wiring for the surround sound speakers I've had for years and new ceiling fans. The new flooring was used throughout the house. It's hard to see but the wall color is a light lavender. Oh! and I am still proud of finding this entertainment center for $100.00 a few years ago.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CgoGrZ4_V-o/YAiTv68DfDI/AAAAAAAAC2g/N2Krm2ZMqD0ek_vNT_VMJVPpSEgZWUAZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/12%2BLR%2BEnt%2BCenter.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CgoGrZ4_V-o/YAiTv68DfDI/AAAAAAAAC2g/N2Krm2ZMqD0ek_vNT_VMJVPpSEgZWUAZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/12%2BLR%2BEnt%2BCenter.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Of course we had to get Walter a penthouse suite with his own doggie door that goes straight to the small fence area for his convenience. The top flips up for easy cleaning.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WmAT3EjFaiw/YAiPIKexLkI/AAAAAAAAC0E/gYJjI1s1k7g6IeXqoEWk0-D6dg9J4ZTOACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/8%2BFront%2Bdoor.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WmAT3EjFaiw/YAiPIKexLkI/AAAAAAAAC0E/gYJjI1s1k7g6IeXqoEWk0-D6dg9J4ZTOACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/8%2BFront%2Bdoor.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old view to the living room windows.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Hzo8hC4hA8/YAiPaealcqI/AAAAAAAAC0M/li6AIeLJKdM_IbfhQ09OC_X3XKLXklX_gCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Living%2Broom%2Bfront%2Bfacing%2Bwall%2Bright%2Bwindow%2Bcracked.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Hzo8hC4hA8/YAiPaealcqI/AAAAAAAAC0M/li6AIeLJKdM_IbfhQ09OC_X3XKLXklX_gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Living%2Broom%2Bfront%2Bfacing%2Bwall%2Bright%2Bwindow%2Bcracked.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Much lighter now and moved the desk in front of the windows too. The desk was also a great second hand find for $90.00 and has much more storage than the folding table I used for many years.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-asobyQpmiS8/YAiPl6Il1jI/AAAAAAAAC0Q/RL_7NNjpoHg3h_TnsUycuyYnQHl4rY8CQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/9%2BLR%2Bdesk.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-asobyQpmiS8/YAiPl6Il1jI/AAAAAAAAC0Q/RL_7NNjpoHg3h_TnsUycuyYnQHl4rY8CQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/9%2BLR%2Bdesk.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old view of the side windows in the living room.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6KFfoqoPtFM/YAiP16TLrPI/AAAAAAAAC0c/hs1lOWo0xwc-5KwzefXDMcEhrwEH0UjPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Living%2BRoom%2BEx%2Bfacing%2BFront%2Bon%2Bright.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6KFfoqoPtFM/YAiP16TLrPI/AAAAAAAAC0c/hs1lOWo0xwc-5KwzefXDMcEhrwEH0UjPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Living%2BRoom%2BEx%2Bfacing%2BFront%2Bon%2Bright.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Added book cases on either side and had to change the arrangements of the furniture to accommodate Walters pen and other things but will look for a smaller coffee table sometime.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJA_DbjxIbk/YAiQAKrt5qI/AAAAAAAAC0g/almQC8P2ccMdXtC5-4sfKF4AZgxKqmkkwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/10%2BLR%2Bseating.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJA_DbjxIbk/YAiQAKrt5qI/AAAAAAAAC0g/almQC8P2ccMdXtC5-4sfKF4AZgxKqmkkwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/10%2BLR%2Bseating.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">View of the pass through to the kitchen.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6v8p9vGJkzc/YAiQWT0fQOI/AAAAAAAAC0s/3c9WiYxh6nEpEDQUWXkFpphwtlXAqqEOgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Living%2Broom%2BIn%2Bwith%2Bpass%2Bthrough%2Bto%2Bkitchen.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6v8p9vGJkzc/YAiQWT0fQOI/AAAAAAAAC0s/3c9WiYxh6nEpEDQUWXkFpphwtlXAqqEOgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Living%2Broom%2BIn%2Bwith%2Bpass%2Bthrough%2Bto%2Bkitchen.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">View to the new pass through to the kitchen.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wnJMlBHBYPE/YAiQkuOJ_II/AAAAAAAAC0w/WrDLnpUMy90HP4hL8TwLoxz0ZCJgTdZ3QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/11%2BLR%2Bto%2Bkitchen.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wnJMlBHBYPE/YAiQkuOJ_II/AAAAAAAAC0w/WrDLnpUMy90HP4hL8TwLoxz0ZCJgTdZ3QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/11%2BLR%2Bto%2Bkitchen.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The new wood stove. And Walter. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YVhW2pwtB5E/YAiQyihq5JI/AAAAAAAAC04/qc0j68AWxpM8ZcIi5t6F3_SRMbE3r2J3gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/13%2BWood%2BStove.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YVhW2pwtB5E/YAiQyihq5JI/AAAAAAAAC04/qc0j68AWxpM8ZcIi5t6F3_SRMbE3r2J3gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/13%2BWood%2BStove.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old kitchen cabinets. We didn't change the layout of the kitchen and kept all the appliances.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VqzyjwKB5-8/YAiRFUY3dxI/AAAAAAAAC1E/zpc4xnQNsX0kCj9PUm3BAp_2FI_p2P9iACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Kitchen%2BIn%2Bfacing%2BLR%2Bbehind.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VqzyjwKB5-8/YAiRFUY3dxI/AAAAAAAAC1E/zpc4xnQNsX0kCj9PUm3BAp_2FI_p2P9iACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Kitchen%2BIn%2Bfacing%2BLR%2Bbehind.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">New cabinets with handles make all the difference. We added tile back splash that goes all the way to the ceiling, granite counter tops and I finally have a range vent!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l3UOSviyB0Q/YAiRQvvf-eI/AAAAAAAAC1I/N1ZLl3kwfyct-k4YMt2j-KHMl7PokYqnQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/14%2BKitchen%2Bto%2BLR.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l3UOSviyB0Q/YAiRQvvf-eI/AAAAAAAAC1I/N1ZLl3kwfyct-k4YMt2j-KHMl7PokYqnQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/14%2BKitchen%2Bto%2BLR.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z1nGkyhgXzY/YAiRXqryXQI/AAAAAAAAC1M/qJz_mrc77wQUczhtecQdsLSWFx5LDRmngCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/15%2BKitchen%2Bto%2BLR2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z1nGkyhgXzY/YAiRXqryXQI/AAAAAAAAC1M/qJz_mrc77wQUczhtecQdsLSWFx5LDRmngCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/15%2BKitchen%2Bto%2BLR2.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-spgw1VvlVN4/YAiRnDZL5NI/AAAAAAAAC1U/aQKy3vzMUdkV4o8jHrsUvDMrYOrLtyQUQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Kitchen%2BEx%2Bfacing%2Breplace%2Bcabinets.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-spgw1VvlVN4/YAiRnDZL5NI/AAAAAAAAC1U/aQKy3vzMUdkV4o8jHrsUvDMrYOrLtyQUQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Kitchen%2BEx%2Bfacing%2Breplace%2Bcabinets.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We did add a dishwasher!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PJIMyfBIHJ0/YAiR2HWAHGI/AAAAAAAAC1c/CQIUP-JjvBgnHTFGqyZpt61v2lmucV-bQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/16%2BKitchen%2Bsink.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PJIMyfBIHJ0/YAiR2HWAHGI/AAAAAAAAC1c/CQIUP-JjvBgnHTFGqyZpt61v2lmucV-bQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/16%2BKitchen%2Bsink.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This was where an unused door used to be and after it was removed we reused it on the addition that goes to the rear deck. The little bit of extra cabinets and counter space helps so much while adding a window helps with keeping it brighter in here..</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7vK7BcGBFEA/YAiR_sMonWI/AAAAAAAAC1k/3LHQIGvHp4wrkDInfrPI-8rUBtrLLTwKwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/17%2BKitchen%2Bside%2Bwindow.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7vK7BcGBFEA/YAiR_sMonWI/AAAAAAAAC1k/3LHQIGvHp4wrkDInfrPI-8rUBtrLLTwKwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/17%2BKitchen%2Bside%2Bwindow.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L6OKMMasANM/YAiSMPOkhsI/AAAAAAAAC1s/7NqYAPz-3Cc5x7kELDBJe4JXn09n3424ACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Kitchen%2Bcab%2Bn%2Bfridge%2Bwith%2BEx%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Bbe%2Breplaced%2Bwith%2Bwindow.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L6OKMMasANM/YAiSMPOkhsI/AAAAAAAAC1s/7NqYAPz-3Cc5x7kELDBJe4JXn09n3424ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Kitchen%2Bcab%2Bn%2Bfridge%2Bwith%2BEx%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Bbe%2Breplaced%2Bwith%2Bwindow.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGCr1WnvF2A/YAiSZlorK9I/AAAAAAAAC10/RoRRyqYgIzIAL5Z-umPZ5IkLJkUCuqlEgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/18%2BKitchen%2Btoward%2BDR.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGCr1WnvF2A/YAiSZlorK9I/AAAAAAAAC10/RoRRyqYgIzIAL5Z-umPZ5IkLJkUCuqlEgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/18%2BKitchen%2Btoward%2BDR.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Since none of the kitchen cabinets had any shelves they were almost useless but we fixed that. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_W2py2MDFg/YAifnM4jQsI/AAAAAAAAC4M/9gp-FqU7Ukg4-mX8tSI7Wo1KnqBLgaVdACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/20a%2BPullouts.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_W2py2MDFg/YAifnM4jQsI/AAAAAAAAC4M/9gp-FqU7Ukg4-mX8tSI7Wo1KnqBLgaVdACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/20a%2BPullouts.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xgNxANv6QuA/YAifuF2DIJI/AAAAAAAAC4Q/226VkHc45iI4iprxFYaBt78sfBrokkucwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/20b%2BPullouts2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xgNxANv6QuA/YAifuF2DIJI/AAAAAAAAC4Q/226VkHc45iI4iprxFYaBt78sfBrokkucwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/20b%2BPullouts2.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Old junk area...</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sDJ3sZtxFSA/YAiSoTygCuI/AAAAAAAAC18/G-XIo9oU2ysQqv785sW1ZnjD5RUFeDprwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Kitchen%2Bworkspace%2Brear%2Bfacing%2BDR%2Bto%2Bleft.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sDJ3sZtxFSA/YAiSoTygCuI/AAAAAAAAC18/G-XIo9oU2ysQqv785sW1ZnjD5RUFeDprwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Kitchen%2Bworkspace%2Brear%2Bfacing%2BDR%2Bto%2Bleft.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">has been turned into a doggie station where all the stuff is in the same area. Well most of it any way...lol.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RXg6BsXYJgc/YAiSwgLh89I/AAAAAAAAC2E/NNZAslEb5bgc0d69MVEeXxJvmcywVcb-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/19%2BKitchen%2Bdog%2Bstation.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RXg6BsXYJgc/YAiSwgLh89I/AAAAAAAAC2E/NNZAslEb5bgc0d69MVEeXxJvmcywVcb-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/19%2BKitchen%2Bdog%2Bstation.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We used an IKEA dresser as a slim island by adding wheels so I can put my supplements and other stuff here.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AB-VTbrOtrg/YAiS7DfBlHI/AAAAAAAAC2M/J9JgrKz5b682WeRKGtEhOnzPgsNcI-xMwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/20%2BKitchen%2Bisland.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AB-VTbrOtrg/YAiS7DfBlHI/AAAAAAAAC2M/J9JgrKz5b682WeRKGtEhOnzPgsNcI-xMwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/20%2BKitchen%2Bisland.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old dining area with the freezer because it would not fit anywhere else.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gNZ8XhNH29A/YAiT-DjUxBI/AAAAAAAAC2k/bWnVulRVSVw6PeZIcLvA05oUQOOGSRX_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Dining%2Broom%2Bwhere%2Bpantry%2Bn%2Bcoat%2Bcloset%2Bis%2Bneeded.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gNZ8XhNH29A/YAiT-DjUxBI/AAAAAAAAC2k/bWnVulRVSVw6PeZIcLvA05oUQOOGSRX_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Dining%2Broom%2Bwhere%2Bpantry%2Bn%2Bcoat%2Bcloset%2Bis%2Bneeded.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">New dining area with a real pantry, coat closet and those 2 white cabinets on the left are for recyclables and paper for the burn pile. And we can finally open the french doors easier than before.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DJqcgfyOkDs/YAiUIZyko6I/AAAAAAAAC2s/LsKtMC-cueU6x0KY8ndAGlGDWg9Q5ldBgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/21%2BDR%2Bw%2Bpantry%2Bn%2Bcoat%2Bcloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DJqcgfyOkDs/YAiUIZyko6I/AAAAAAAAC2s/LsKtMC-cueU6x0KY8ndAGlGDWg9Q5ldBgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/21%2BDR%2Bw%2Bpantry%2Bn%2Bcoat%2Bcloset.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Old hallway with no flooring, baseboards and no linen closet door.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p-QMCqaFDCw/YAiUfEVOaLI/AAAAAAAAC28/bpxjj-FNUG8ynyt2NviXHxCsiiPx4KUaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Hallway%2Bfrom%2BDR%2Bend.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p-QMCqaFDCw/YAiUfEVOaLI/AAAAAAAAC28/bpxjj-FNUG8ynyt2NviXHxCsiiPx4KUaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Hallway%2Bfrom%2BDR%2Bend.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">New pet gate so the big ones stay where we want them and the little ones go where they please. I know it's not fair but it sure is easier and it will not tear up the wall like the other one. Walters pen came with 6 sides and we only used 5 so the extra one was used for the inside of the gate.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CPKyozEBYd0/YAiUo5HqG-I/AAAAAAAAC3E/x7AzTGN7_FYGRhMd-JXgi-1PvalOjfr0ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/22%2BHallway%2Bdog%2Bgate.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CPKyozEBYd0/YAiUo5HqG-I/AAAAAAAAC3E/x7AzTGN7_FYGRhMd-JXgi-1PvalOjfr0ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/22%2BHallway%2Bdog%2Bgate.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">A little light, paint and flooring goes a long way.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Um0mPdSqxc0/YAiUy0gz6dI/AAAAAAAAC3M/gss9gyWozQ4yVbNGqY_GenyCXQEd1hllQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/23%2BHallway%2Bto%2Blinen%2Bcloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Um0mPdSqxc0/YAiUy0gz6dI/AAAAAAAAC3M/gss9gyWozQ4yVbNGqY_GenyCXQEd1hllQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/23%2BHallway%2Bto%2Blinen%2Bcloset.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">These front 2 bedrooms were so small it was hard to get pictures of them but the wall was removed between the 2 to make one large bedroom with plenty of closet space. This before picture was a make shift closet we did when I first moved in.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BANy4DrDpEg/YAiVGAXpGoI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/uywSHvvpFkYEYh3CftitsRrI7ANZfvT_gCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bcloset%2Bneeds%2Bwall%2Band%2Bsliding%2Bdoors.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BANy4DrDpEg/YAiVGAXpGoI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/uywSHvvpFkYEYh3CftitsRrI7ANZfvT_gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bcloset%2Bneeds%2Bwall%2Band%2Bsliding%2Bdoors.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">To give you an idea, this is a queen size bed that took up much of the space. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_r20Vd6U5hc/YAiVPV4cDHI/AAAAAAAAC3c/yDMp6aT0H44xUGo1AM9WY3X1UJ8jRURXwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bentrance%2Bceiling%2Bflush%2Bmounted.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_r20Vd6U5hc/YAiVPV4cDHI/AAAAAAAAC3c/yDMp6aT0H44xUGo1AM9WY3X1UJ8jRURXwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bentrance%2Bceiling%2Bflush%2Bmounted.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DAXaC99idBI/YAiVWcXJHdI/AAAAAAAAC3k/-KI5XFJ0D88ccmpf-kA5U4EyRdI8GifFwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Front%2Bbedroom%2Binterior%2Bfacing%2BDR%2Bother%2Bside.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DAXaC99idBI/YAiVWcXJHdI/AAAAAAAAC3k/-KI5XFJ0D88ccmpf-kA5U4EyRdI8GifFwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Front%2Bbedroom%2Binterior%2Bfacing%2BDR%2Bother%2Bside.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-50TszbizY64/YAiVeVUDJ6I/AAAAAAAAC3o/FceN2RVYx7I9e-USujhqXhJQXbW7seBswCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bwindow%2Bfront%2Bfacing.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-50TszbizY64/YAiVeVUDJ6I/AAAAAAAAC3o/FceN2RVYx7I9e-USujhqXhJQXbW7seBswCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Front%2Bbedroom%2Bwindow%2Bfront%2Bfacing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VB_tKnQntO8/YAiVn8jDkdI/AAAAAAAAC30/eeQhbM2q1KAcVjf7lpCoZuyTHavXvDsmwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Sons%2Broom%2Binterior%2Btoward%2Bthe%2BDR.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VB_tKnQntO8/YAiVn8jDkdI/AAAAAAAAC30/eeQhbM2q1KAcVjf7lpCoZuyTHavXvDsmwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Sons%2Broom%2Binterior%2Btoward%2Bthe%2BDR.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It took a LOT of primer to cover the black, read, yellow and green colors in Trey's room. In 2020 he would have turned 30 so I thought it was time that his old space grew up.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pvwXCLrzESA/YAiVt-zUGfI/AAAAAAAAC38/Rp86FVd2X9kvfhbUehOQHIN1XWLzEqYqQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Sons%2Broom%2Bminimal%2Bword%2BFront%2Bfacing.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pvwXCLrzESA/YAiVt-zUGfI/AAAAAAAAC38/Rp86FVd2X9kvfhbUehOQHIN1XWLzEqYqQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Sons%2Broom%2Bminimal%2Bword%2BFront%2Bfacing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Bigger and brighter with 2 windows in the room instead of just one.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-50j0ctEWggg/YAiiUY_CqeI/AAAAAAAAC4g/Q7sMMoHInosYH3UGVonIHAjFTFCiWauZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24b%2BFront%2Bbedroom.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-50j0ctEWggg/YAiiUY_CqeI/AAAAAAAAC4g/Q7sMMoHInosYH3UGVonIHAjFTFCiWauZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24b%2BFront%2Bbedroom.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Larger closet with shelves on either side and closet doors!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0eYA4Axc4pY/YAiidTDAktI/AAAAAAAAC4k/NY0YyS5RNoIMiX0ERIYYaeR_wE6M_s3pwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24c%2BCloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0eYA4Axc4pY/YAiidTDAktI/AAAAAAAAC4k/NY0YyS5RNoIMiX0ERIYYaeR_wE6M_s3pwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24c%2BCloset.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ETR_LGofdvE/YAiimghkU_I/AAAAAAAAC4s/IYcQu9j0kwcWjRZQluE6xm511uW35jZ3QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24d%2Bcloset%2Bdoors.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ETR_LGofdvE/YAiimghkU_I/AAAAAAAAC4s/IYcQu9j0kwcWjRZQluE6xm511uW35jZ3QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24d%2Bcloset%2Bdoors.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">A space to store all my blankets and keepsakes.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FyToBVGH-W4/YAiitZ_nQYI/AAAAAAAAC4w/Q2NdJoNSrQA3Jl1ppxKsAYP8lu7B1QwKgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24e%2BStorage%2Bcloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FyToBVGH-W4/YAiitZ_nQYI/AAAAAAAAC4w/Q2NdJoNSrQA3Jl1ppxKsAYP8lu7B1QwKgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24e%2BStorage%2Bcloset.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">A built in desk area that has book shelves that can be used for a small office or maybe a crafting room. Yea right!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F15iXixkMzM/YAiizGNcdjI/AAAAAAAAC40/tv78YRIdP0Q4BDA5NPIJKjjRsjOFfiq1ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24f%2Bdesk%2Barea.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F15iXixkMzM/YAiizGNcdjI/AAAAAAAAC40/tv78YRIdP0Q4BDA5NPIJKjjRsjOFfiq1ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24f%2Bdesk%2Barea.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sv-PqKME_oI/YAii7u5xTqI/AAAAAAAAC48/gbiGsLfRhv4QrOKH6bFd3yqrULDbCv6KwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24g%2BDesk%2Bn%2Bcloset%2Bdoors.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sv-PqKME_oI/YAii7u5xTqI/AAAAAAAAC48/gbiGsLfRhv4QrOKH6bFd3yqrULDbCv6KwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24g%2BDesk%2Bn%2Bcloset%2Bdoors.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">There is still much to be done in this room but Peaches seems to like it.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BUepnCR4hoI/YAipYrdn1oI/AAAAAAAAC7A/KVJZYrwHxCMtW1tocJdXH8PyuZ5hBrUaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/24%2BFront%2Bbedroom.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BUepnCR4hoI/YAipYrdn1oI/AAAAAAAAC7A/KVJZYrwHxCMtW1tocJdXH8PyuZ5hBrUaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/24%2BFront%2Bbedroom.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The smallest room in the house that needed the most work was the laundry room. There was no door and with all the electrical being run to the new panel box that was installed the year before, the old hot water heater being moved to under the kitchen and the with the freezer needing to be moved here, it was almost the last room we tackled.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-epQIz1QpVGI/YAij-vU5PEI/AAAAAAAAC5M/lIyap0zUZNYGr5vE-FQnJbuvCUAxmKIjACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Laundry%2Broom%2BPanel%2BBox%2BBR%2Bon%2Bleft%2Bside.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-epQIz1QpVGI/YAij-vU5PEI/AAAAAAAAC5M/lIyap0zUZNYGr5vE-FQnJbuvCUAxmKIjACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Laundry%2Broom%2BPanel%2BBox%2BBR%2Bon%2Bleft%2Bside.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We reused one of the doors we took from combining the 2 bedrooms to add here. The bi-fold doors were fixed and we just finished out the space where the old hot water heater was by opening it up so Peaches the cat can have her own private litter box space. </span></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4MQL8JjovhM/YAikuNL_NSI/AAAAAAAAC5U/0quDrOkPKJ0cb1aOuLSFx2ykLqO8fHvugCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/25%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bcloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4MQL8JjovhM/YAikuNL_NSI/AAAAAAAAC5U/0quDrOkPKJ0cb1aOuLSFx2ykLqO8fHvugCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/25%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bcloset.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vmOXyx9QvpU/YAileJJt9EI/AAAAAAAAC5c/xbSyKqYJyyYKEnXJA4mN3LkJPW4vafxCACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Laundry%2BRoom%2BEx%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Brear.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vmOXyx9QvpU/YAileJJt9EI/AAAAAAAAC5c/xbSyKqYJyyYKEnXJA4mN3LkJPW4vafxCACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Laundry%2BRoom%2BEx%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Brear.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w05jn0FX3Z0/YAiln3y2vnI/AAAAAAAAC5g/BjTrTP-aWKk9M-kl1fxh46leEKrMLRoJACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/27%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bback%2Bdoor.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w05jn0FX3Z0/YAiln3y2vnI/AAAAAAAAC5g/BjTrTP-aWKk9M-kl1fxh46leEKrMLRoJACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/27%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bback%2Bdoor.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XwllCcwmTYY/YAilzk731iI/AAAAAAAAC5o/ro35nt96xxgRUZoVgkuF40PBqI8W-EVAQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Laundry%2BRoom%2Bright%2Bside%2BDR%2Bto%2Bright.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XwllCcwmTYY/YAilzk731iI/AAAAAAAAC5o/ro35nt96xxgRUZoVgkuF40PBqI8W-EVAQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Laundry%2BRoom%2Bright%2Bside%2BDR%2Bto%2Bright.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Moving the freezer in here after cutting back and capping off the old sink drain and reusing the old kitchen cabinet over the fridge here helped make this look like it was supposed to be here all along. Painting the cabinets white and adding handles make it lighter, brighter and easier! Well along with the 2 extra recessed lights along with a new vent fan light combo.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TYf4efYGk6I/YAil9vygGSI/AAAAAAAAC5w/e7XswAb3qMoI0D3XX97KH9ALZN1DoZ9aACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/26%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bfreezer.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TYf4efYGk6I/YAil9vygGSI/AAAAAAAAC5w/e7XswAb3qMoI0D3XX97KH9ALZN1DoZ9aACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/26%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bfreezer.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The welcome sign above the door is from my Grandma's house.</span></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-smN8Xy98NdE/YAinq0_EE_I/AAAAAAAAC6M/d_g_5pu95LQzBylFCuyrARCVJbELkFzRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/28%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bto%2Bhallway.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-smN8Xy98NdE/YAinq0_EE_I/AAAAAAAAC6M/d_g_5pu95LQzBylFCuyrARCVJbELkFzRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/28%2BLaundry%2BRoom%2Bto%2Bhallway.jpeg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzZ9mlSxoxW4eIghVCksQIavKew5PSALmvn7mARC_zOKZ5YHxzLMVnAAES6MZTndNvWfDw48eCilOD5XRSSb1riTihROCmzCVnNhFaJ8vQpByxUm8SolKIKAQLtoxMH2FOeFdWzrduQadp09pHOSRwEWWt909COGZ2pqFLGLv1tbfmokfYmwJm11us/s4032/Cat%20Loo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzZ9mlSxoxW4eIghVCksQIavKew5PSALmvn7mARC_zOKZ5YHxzLMVnAAES6MZTndNvWfDw48eCilOD5XRSSb1riTihROCmzCVnNhFaJ8vQpByxUm8SolKIKAQLtoxMH2FOeFdWzrduQadp09pHOSRwEWWt909COGZ2pqFLGLv1tbfmokfYmwJm11us/s320/Cat%20Loo.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>This front bath room was the 2nd major room that was completed years ago so it only needed some minor things, like an adjustable bar for the shower head, new paint and globes for the vanity lights.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cc2E-Gd7_2Y/YAim3p34bZI/AAAAAAAAC6A/eNpZCvwlp9EyKaQhhpTcWw-0rqSS_J__QCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Front%2BBR%2Bon%2Bright%2Bside%2Bof%2Broom%2Bexp.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cc2E-Gd7_2Y/YAim3p34bZI/AAAAAAAAC6A/eNpZCvwlp9EyKaQhhpTcWw-0rqSS_J__QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Front%2BBR%2Bon%2Bright%2Bside%2Bof%2Broom%2Bexp.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DXfkpi9iORI/YAine4nT--I/AAAAAAAAC6I/cMkUpkfV-PoeFHin-3H7l7Ng0ZoqfbihwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/29%2BFront%2BBathroom.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DXfkpi9iORI/YAine4nT--I/AAAAAAAAC6I/cMkUpkfV-PoeFHin-3H7l7Ng0ZoqfbihwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/29%2BFront%2BBathroom.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T8CyzmMDJNY/YAin3wvLecI/AAAAAAAAC6U/ANMWwr_estslvjgdZ5qHJDwhoG6EEkRzACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/30%2BFront%2BBathroon%2Bvanity.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T8CyzmMDJNY/YAin3wvLecI/AAAAAAAAC6U/ANMWwr_estslvjgdZ5qHJDwhoG6EEkRzACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/30%2BFront%2BBathroon%2Bvanity.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The door on the left is a closet and the one on the right is a pass through to the laundry room where the laundry baskets are kept. We added that because years ago an old gas furnace blower was removed and I like to use every square inch of space. Pardon my finger. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-414vBIJ2dpI/YAioA2p-_0I/AAAAAAAAC6c/4XzHf-sW448l5HtAq4hhVLaJ1-9mlMMKACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/31%2BFront%2BBath%2Bcloset%2Bn%2Bpass%2Bthru.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-414vBIJ2dpI/YAioA2p-_0I/AAAAAAAAC6c/4XzHf-sW448l5HtAq4hhVLaJ1-9mlMMKACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/31%2BFront%2BBath%2Bcloset%2Bn%2Bpass%2Bthru.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_pGNjtMQj1s/YAiogcnWbjI/AAAAAAAAC6s/-ZR0phNDJpkJvV7J7d1ZoF59-j3kDCSagCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/32%2BFront%2Bbath%2Broom%2Bdoor.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_pGNjtMQj1s/YAiogcnWbjI/AAAAAAAAC6s/-ZR0phNDJpkJvV7J7d1ZoF59-j3kDCSagCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/32%2BFront%2Bbath%2Broom%2Bdoor.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This was the tiny back bedroom that was about 12 x 12 where we added the real bedroom to the closet!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B_r7neiqbz0/YAiouc2j8lI/AAAAAAAAC6w/KKTjkZ0g2n0rOS11qLaLsdK3Q1aRS7SGgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Bedroom%2BExp%2BBack%2BRear%2BBath%2Bto%2Bleft%2Band%2Bright%2Bof%2Broom.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B_r7neiqbz0/YAiouc2j8lI/AAAAAAAAC6w/KKTjkZ0g2n0rOS11qLaLsdK3Q1aRS7SGgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Bedroom%2BExp%2BBack%2BRear%2BBath%2Bto%2Bleft%2Band%2Bright%2Bof%2Broom.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Built in desk with book shelves on either side give a lot of space for stuff.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u4sIZ7YBvt8/YAipK27eF9I/AAAAAAAAC68/pO2gSb11fTYoVsFEVH97aPlRguk6xrqewCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/33%2BAdd%2BBR%2Bdesk.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u4sIZ7YBvt8/YAipK27eF9I/AAAAAAAAC68/pO2gSb11fTYoVsFEVH97aPlRguk6xrqewCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/33%2BAdd%2BBR%2Bdesk.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eAhMC_e4hUY/YAiqOgBLODI/AAAAAAAAC7U/140oJolKw_w5mRaoFC2TWMYjqnqCSq0xQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/BR%2BExp%2Bright%2Bwall%2BFront%2BBath%2Bother%2Bside%2Bwall.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eAhMC_e4hUY/YAiqOgBLODI/AAAAAAAAC7U/140oJolKw_w5mRaoFC2TWMYjqnqCSq0xQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/BR%2BExp%2Bright%2Bwall%2BFront%2BBath%2Bother%2Bside%2Bwall.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The reused kitchen door to the deck.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kQo1I8-Qd5U/YAiqYrJ-XKI/AAAAAAAAC7c/IjCPFcpIOPQtVMg9GLtGnEs6oIh6E75egCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/37%2BAdd%2BBR%2BBack%2BDoor.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kQo1I8-Qd5U/YAiqYrJ-XKI/AAAAAAAAC7c/IjCPFcpIOPQtVMg9GLtGnEs6oIh6E75egCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/37%2BAdd%2BBR%2BBack%2BDoor.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The small closet to the left had no shelves or rod to hang any clothes.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2J8Hg8p3sx0/YAiqjNydf1I/AAAAAAAAC7k/9_Re-L3ZCf0zIhSj9zOWfl_XXH-G5ny9QCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/BR%2BExp%2Bwall%2BMB%2Bother%2Bside.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2J8Hg8p3sx0/YAiqjNydf1I/AAAAAAAAC7k/9_Re-L3ZCf0zIhSj9zOWfl_XXH-G5ny9QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/BR%2BExp%2Bwall%2BMB%2Bother%2Bside.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">After months of searching I found a head board on a yard sale site that would go with my old bedroom suite.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NA3GRtUVYkE/YAiqrBBUXcI/AAAAAAAAC7s/gn2a75hSL5kLIOLGMIYnSBI0TI0N4m1jQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/34%2BAdd%2BBR%2BBed.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NA3GRtUVYkE/YAiqrBBUXcI/AAAAAAAAC7s/gn2a75hSL5kLIOLGMIYnSBI0TI0N4m1jQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/34%2BAdd%2BBR%2BBed.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Orz0LC4heJk/YAiqzyZg1lI/AAAAAAAAC70/C7rsDPVSysgOSyAizoETtnZ-OZY9VddhwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Bedroom%2BExp%2BInt%2Bwall%2Bcloset%2Barea.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Orz0LC4heJk/YAiqzyZg1lI/AAAAAAAAC70/C7rsDPVSysgOSyAizoETtnZ-OZY9VddhwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Bedroom%2BExp%2BInt%2Bwall%2Bcloset%2Barea.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4Ql9dH2ZV4/YAiq-lme4JI/AAAAAAAAC78/jfITQdBElAop-dKxXjzoFsUupukT3n7HQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/35%2BAdd%2BBR%2BCloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D4Ql9dH2ZV4/YAiq-lme4JI/AAAAAAAAC78/jfITQdBElAop-dKxXjzoFsUupukT3n7HQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/35%2BAdd%2BBR%2BCloset.jpeg" width="320" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Now there is a good closet with plenty of space.</span> </div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I1oEuz1-viE/YAirFjSmUkI/AAAAAAAAC8E/6mEzEgP5YMs-kWApqWvdL9RTUpyVVa7HACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/35a%2BAdd%2Bcloset%2Binside.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I1oEuz1-viE/YAirFjSmUkI/AAAAAAAAC8E/6mEzEgP5YMs-kWApqWvdL9RTUpyVVa7HACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/35a%2BAdd%2Bcloset%2Binside.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ssoh1JhaKqA/YAzTjwSjs5I/AAAAAAAADAE/NSw79qITnGUg1XD0mIB3x-5_-9-2sEguACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/35b%2BAdd%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ssoh1JhaKqA/YAzTjwSjs5I/AAAAAAAADAE/NSw79qITnGUg1XD0mIB3x-5_-9-2sEguACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/35b%2BAdd%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B2.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Entry way into the new bedroom.</span></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YvY7qi36Gd0/YAoUPa52_eI/AAAAAAAAC_o/f_FgmU6qvoAZ8pO1i0LIEolacz1IT4QGgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/36%2BAdd%2BBR%2BExit.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YvY7qi36Gd0/YAoUPa52_eI/AAAAAAAAC_o/f_FgmU6qvoAZ8pO1i0LIEolacz1IT4QGgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/36%2BAdd%2BBR%2BExit.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And here is the master bedroom which needed electrical repairs, added recessed lights, baseboards, paint and flooring. When I moved in there were no doors to this bedroom, closet or bathroom and I also had the closet shelves and rod put in then.</span></div><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-owe_pA0N8TM/YAirueu85LI/AAAAAAAAC8c/6vEuPjm4CAUUDoyNqJzUTD-A4_XCChcswCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedRoom%2BFront%2Bfacing.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-owe_pA0N8TM/YAirueu85LI/AAAAAAAAC8c/6vEuPjm4CAUUDoyNqJzUTD-A4_XCChcswCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedRoom%2BFront%2Bfacing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Again after months of searching I found this bedroom suite on another yard sale site and was quite lucky the folks lived in a neighborhood just up the street.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQwqhg76Dyc/YAiwe8eZnHI/AAAAAAAAC8o/j4Ijrd6f3-k6Uc-qJ-QCBRtQGLxm1JWbQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/39%2BMaster%2BBR%2Bwindows.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQwqhg76Dyc/YAiwe8eZnHI/AAAAAAAAC8o/j4Ijrd6f3-k6Uc-qJ-QCBRtQGLxm1JWbQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/39%2BMaster%2BBR%2Bwindows.jpeg" width="320" /></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VKJqnGWkXFY/YAixU_rZrsI/AAAAAAAAC9A/MYT6nxh3nsEiNc-nHOgcB6God06oYBdtgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedroom%2Bside%2Bfacing%2BDads%2BShop.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VKJqnGWkXFY/YAixU_rZrsI/AAAAAAAAC9A/MYT6nxh3nsEiNc-nHOgcB6God06oYBdtgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedroom%2Bside%2Bfacing%2BDads%2BShop.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /> </div><span style="font-family: arial;">The book case is still there but hidden by curtains to soften the look.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WPFX18BpD1Y/YAiw1uogxtI/AAAAAAAAC8w/XL6tTy8oYjQmvgwzW3nywyUx1O3eLNE_ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/38%2BMaster%2BBR.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WPFX18BpD1Y/YAiw1uogxtI/AAAAAAAAC8w/XL6tTy8oYjQmvgwzW3nywyUx1O3eLNE_ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/38%2BMaster%2BBR.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3JM__Se0238/YAixisxqpuI/AAAAAAAAC9E/O_H23KIshTYzaRODxON0y6NDzk6cV2NLwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedroom%2BIn%2Bwall%2Bfacing%2Brear.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3JM__Se0238/YAixisxqpuI/AAAAAAAAC9E/O_H23KIshTYzaRODxON0y6NDzk6cV2NLwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedroom%2BIn%2Bwall%2Bfacing%2Brear.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wsPPtx2I94U/YAixuRp2KYI/AAAAAAAAC9M/tVnLTVRG1M0GRXaRTH5jdtd13HU4OE5xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/43%2BMaster%2BBath.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wsPPtx2I94U/YAixuRp2KYI/AAAAAAAAC9M/tVnLTVRG1M0GRXaRTH5jdtd13HU4OE5xgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/43%2BMaster%2BBath.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JbKEAXLdUv4/YAix8gNZXwI/AAAAAAAAC9Q/WjbaiabXnOQIViQ8D-UWvCSaquZdoW9jgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/41%2BMaster%2BExit%2Bn%2BBath.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JbKEAXLdUv4/YAix8gNZXwI/AAAAAAAAC9Q/WjbaiabXnOQIViQ8D-UWvCSaquZdoW9jgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/41%2BMaster%2BExit%2Bn%2BBath.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-egCY4vUE_J0/YAiyNLsREbI/AAAAAAAAC9c/uVWq87gT_a8Bn295VLZUOU9wkLPPeLMcACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedroom%2Bcloset%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Bright.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-egCY4vUE_J0/YAiyNLsREbI/AAAAAAAAC9c/uVWq87gT_a8Bn295VLZUOU9wkLPPeLMcACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedroom%2Bcloset%2Bdoor%2Bto%2Bright.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pAzPM3NqeX0/YAiycpr0rfI/AAAAAAAAC9k/XctBEzLAnewnXR_0Evnaca8y0gIZDPb6QCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/42%2BMaster%2BCloset.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pAzPM3NqeX0/YAiycpr0rfI/AAAAAAAAC9k/XctBEzLAnewnXR_0Evnaca8y0gIZDPb6QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/42%2BMaster%2BCloset.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Rocky's bed. He is outside chasing squirrels.</span></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d0ZsKZORW4M/YAi9zT6DoMI/AAAAAAAAC_Y/FC8-iWajkvoUMTEjRyhMUoQHpeamV_xdQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/50%2BRocky%2527s%2Bbed.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d0ZsKZORW4M/YAi9zT6DoMI/AAAAAAAAC_Y/FC8-iWajkvoUMTEjRyhMUoQHpeamV_xdQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/50%2BRocky%2527s%2Bbed.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The master closet was packed with mom's stuff that we had brought back. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5B6N3Yo96Ng/YAiyrtcPt0I/AAAAAAAAC9o/-9rmTgpr-JYU-oKyiYcbhtpdGFsq1DrgwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedroom%2Bother%2Bside%2Bshelves%2Bneeded.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5B6N3Yo96Ng/YAiyrtcPt0I/AAAAAAAAC9o/-9rmTgpr-JYU-oKyiYcbhtpdGFsq1DrgwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedroom%2Bother%2Bside%2Bshelves%2Bneeded.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We added shelves and used left over paint from the addition room which was a darker, dusty purple.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QSc0bfa-FtA/YAiy1AunknI/AAAAAAAAC9w/AxhAszf0_N8ITB6oMlbd-U0WLrHiPgDRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/53%2BMB%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QSc0bfa-FtA/YAiy1AunknI/AAAAAAAAC9w/AxhAszf0_N8ITB6oMlbd-U0WLrHiPgDRgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/53%2BMB%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B2.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sa65B6c7w1Q/YAizBSKwfaI/AAAAAAAAC94/5bkoZZa3TawxJ3g_yQgnQXut_BiHwv7wACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MBedroom%2Bwalk%2Bin%2Bcloset%2BShelves%2Bneeded.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sa65B6c7w1Q/YAizBSKwfaI/AAAAAAAAC94/5bkoZZa3TawxJ3g_yQgnQXut_BiHwv7wACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MBedroom%2Bwalk%2Bin%2Bcloset%2BShelves%2Bneeded.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DnP5v1WGVfU/YAizKiRPsOI/AAAAAAAAC-A/XS-QQwzkRxwc2rP0LEAxxoChzKk-reS4wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/52%2BMB%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DnP5v1WGVfU/YAizKiRPsOI/AAAAAAAAC-A/XS-QQwzkRxwc2rP0LEAxxoChzKk-reS4wCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/52%2BMB%2Bcloset%2Binside%2B1.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The master bath was the first thing I tackled when I moved in but dad picked the brown colors for the walls. Shocking since the whole house was painted brown/tan or white primer. But again, electrical repairs, new vent fan, painting and vanity light globes made all the difference. </span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hhU6YJhUIS8/YAizda2_QOI/AAAAAAAAC-M/iKdQwHGcX74Re8K4F3WAutLhL41km7ZrwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/MB%2Bremodeled%2Bto%2Bleft%2Bof%2BExp%2BBR.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hhU6YJhUIS8/YAizda2_QOI/AAAAAAAAC-M/iKdQwHGcX74Re8K4F3WAutLhL41km7ZrwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/MB%2Bremodeled%2Bto%2Bleft%2Bof%2BExp%2BBR.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Shopping online for fabrics is risky business and these weren't exactly was I was hoping for but... I'll live. In fact it is nice to finally have some color throughout the whole house. The wall color is a soft, sage green as the other bathroom and front bedroom.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9XGSKYS0T4E/YAizqJhRcMI/AAAAAAAAC-Q/M6fK2eEvoLMtLcnFMuk3hG38RVQ2UKRawCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/44%2BMaster%2BBath%2Bin.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9XGSKYS0T4E/YAizqJhRcMI/AAAAAAAAC-Q/M6fK2eEvoLMtLcnFMuk3hG38RVQ2UKRawCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/44%2BMaster%2BBath%2Bin.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JSknKOA-h8k/YAiz0kU4IlI/AAAAAAAAC-Y/9U6vNiBypzw1LOMvDaPlo5iqLvUUebm1gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/45%2BMB%2BShower%2Bcurtain.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JSknKOA-h8k/YAiz0kU4IlI/AAAAAAAAC-Y/9U6vNiBypzw1LOMvDaPlo5iqLvUUebm1gCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/45%2BMB%2BShower%2Bcurtain.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Boy that camera angle makes the toilet seat look long!</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kb7OQmI1WxA/YAiz-lUsuoI/AAAAAAAAC-g/CJpX0XfmiKAelFR6hCav9nbUnfDJzNDIQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/47%2BMB%2Btoilet.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kb7OQmI1WxA/YAiz-lUsuoI/AAAAAAAAC-g/CJpX0XfmiKAelFR6hCav9nbUnfDJzNDIQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/47%2BMB%2Btoilet.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CTBdE1MJ3fc/YAi0JaFI5qI/AAAAAAAAC-k/a99xJqW-ADMq7g18QTZP6kU0vN2ZhhXnACLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/48%2BMB%2Bvanity.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CTBdE1MJ3fc/YAi0JaFI5qI/AAAAAAAAC-k/a99xJqW-ADMq7g18QTZP6kU0vN2ZhhXnACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/48%2BMB%2Bvanity.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tdQqnCvTbfo/YAi0R5UD0kI/AAAAAAAAC-s/uc1dIdV4o6sR36yPBBvBdbYA_SsAU8pBgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/49%2BMB%2Bvanity%2Btop.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tdQqnCvTbfo/YAi0R5UD0kI/AAAAAAAAC-s/uc1dIdV4o6sR36yPBBvBdbYA_SsAU8pBgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/49%2BMB%2Bvanity%2Btop.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Interior of back deck but still needing weather proofing. The reasons we added a covered deck was the sun sets at the rear of the house making to so hot, you can't stay out on it. It also helps keep the house cooler in the summer and with it being constructed correctly with 6 X 6 beams cemented into the ground, it stabilized the house. Out door ceiling fans to come later.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_2K1fEMtzg/YAi0eYOoZBI/AAAAAAAAC-0/OIMYAIz2OiYX2y4KgXw4unQ3dSti8-pZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/54%2BBack%2Bdeck%2B2.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L_2K1fEMtzg/YAi0eYOoZBI/AAAAAAAAC-0/OIMYAIz2OiYX2y4KgXw4unQ3dSti8-pZQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/54%2BBack%2Bdeck%2B2.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4QLs7Wt0B3M/YAi0kzbq6TI/AAAAAAAAC-8/uQsNfHzUbscl91G7ABcpAQG-SxxmExEPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/54%2BBack%2Bdeck.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4QLs7Wt0B3M/YAi0kzbq6TI/AAAAAAAAC-8/uQsNfHzUbscl91G7ABcpAQG-SxxmExEPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/54%2BBack%2Bdeck.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The shed. The guys are coming to finish the metal trim around the top soon.</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EQg3O2lw27w/YAi1MJEbdNI/AAAAAAAAC_M/uyj_gc4fzUk2cN1idJ5Mu4FzrO9PcY8hwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/6%2BShed.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EQg3O2lw27w/YAi1MJEbdNI/AAAAAAAAC_M/uyj_gc4fzUk2cN1idJ5Mu4FzrO9PcY8hwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/6%2BShed.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The contractors that worked on this house were great and I am pleased with the results. There is still much to do outside like edging the driveway, laying down plastic and filling with gravel. I'd like to move dad's shop a little further away from the house, reconnect the electrical and may have to put new shingles on it if the old ones can't be saved. I need to haul in more dirt to fill in holes and smooth out the yard, then plant grass and trees to replace the ones we took down. Finally finish up with connecting the electrical to the new shed and an outdoor lamp, mulching areas around the house and adding pavers for walk ways. Maybe one day, I'll even try my hand at gardening again? Anyway thanks for looking! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-39267602178514134772021-01-12T10:36:00.002-05:002021-01-12T10:36:33.568-05:00Variations or combinations of factors to disease<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Earth: Land,
soil, water and air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These have been
polluted over centuries with a variety of contaminates, over farming has caused
the soil to be depleted of key nutrients and the extinction of key plant and
animal species along with other factors have altered the ecosystems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other non-indigenous species of plant and
animals have been introduced to habitats that have also altered the ecosystems
negatively over the course of generations.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">2. Food and water:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The above has affected the quality of food over the centuries along with
genetically modified organisms (GMO’s) to create food that is toxic instead of
nourishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the biggest factor is
that most of the food that is made today is created instead of grown and is
more science experience than actual food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Most of the chemicals that are used disrupt the natural functions of
many parts of the body without giving the vitamins and minerals that the body
needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The prevailing theory is when we
turned to agriculture and away from being hunter / gathers, that was when the
decline of our health started as well as the earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stopped being nomadic and stayed in one
place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This also started the people
being dependent on a system because “he” who controls the food, controls the
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today we have factory farming
where animals are confined to extremely small spaces and over medicated with
drugs, not to mention that the abuses in this industry affect so many different
levels of health, over use of toxic pesticides, fruits and vegetables that have
little in common with their own ancestors and seed companies that sell one shot
seeds, which means that the farmers are forced to buy seeds every year because
the harvest doesn’t create its own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
seeds have been injected with a toxic pesticide from the get go.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">3. Radiation and electromagnetic fields: This has become
more problematic with computers, cell phones, towers, smart meters, modems and
things such as these that cause changes in many of the bodies systems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The effects are either immediate or cumulative
and they are known to cause many different diseases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both the earth and our bodies have our own
natural frequencies which are being disrupted by these invisible fields on a
daily basis and are getting stronger every day.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">4. Pharmaceuticals:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since the bottom line has been about profit for so very many years, this
industry is not interested in creating health; they are only making people
sicker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Side effects are often deadly
and anything that is considered natural is being vilified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What once may have been an idea to repair and
or help the human body, has been corrupted to the point that this industry
kills with impunity, many millions of people each year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the illegal drugs that are on the
street today also started out in a laboratory at one time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too many of these drugs end up in our water
systems and the soil as well, not just in the whole unconsumed form but in
urine and feces of humans and animals.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">5. Over vaccinations and living as germ free as
possible:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has caused the immune
system to not be able to handle the most simplest of germs and when confronted
with something major, the body has no way to defend itself against it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the vaccinations created today have
high levels of toxic metals added to them which creates heavy metal
toxicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also contain many
ingredients that our bodies were not meant to process such as
formaldehyde.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also using many toxic
cleaning products over the years has had a serious toll on our bodies, homes
and earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A side note here: when indoor
plumbing was invented, that was the biggest advance for avoiding germs and
helped to contain the spread of diseases… but we’ve taken it way too far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">6. High stress caused by the world we live in is another
contributing factor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stress is what the
body endures to intense situations responding with the fight or flight
response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This causes the cortisone
levels to stay at a high rate which is unnatural for the human body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is also a reason that sleep cycles have
been disrupted along with light pollution. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we don’t get enough proper sleep at the
proper times that suit of own circadian rhythms, the body doesn’t have the time
to repair damage that was done throughout the day. Conversely, the lack of
natural sunlight throughout the day is often another contributing factor
because natural vitamin D is critical but we have been advised to avoid the sun
at all cost.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">7. Personal care products: Along with the stress of
living and looking a certain way, many use a lot of personal care products to
achieve that look at a major cost to our health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The skin is the largest organ and absorbs
many of the toxins in these products that are used over many years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These include but are not limited to,
shampoo, conditioner, tooth paste, deodorant, lotion, nail polish and fake
nails, hair dyes, make up, hair products, soaps and much, much more.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8. The lack of real education or more precisely the
indoctrination of false information about what is safe and what is not is the
biggest factor because too many have been taught to harm their own heath and
believe that they are living a healthy life style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This includes the demonization of animal fats
to promote high sugar diets that will cause you to be a big pharma customer for
life… however long that will be under those guidelines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But these same companies have decided that
smoking is so dangerous for our health and have been doing everything in their
power to demonize it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmmm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doctors are not educated in true nutrition
and many of the papers that are written in medical journals today are paid for
by large corporations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The data is
always heavy edited to produce whatever result the company is looking for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9. The decimation of families and communities has also
caused many health issues from high stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With no real support systems in place for humans which are naturally
social creatures, we have made it difficult at best to network, help others or
receive help in return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That has also
made too many rely on social programs that were designed to keep us dependent
on a system that values profit, power and control over health, safety and
happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The biggest non emotional
issue that this causes is poverty and the poor are known to suffer more
ailments because they are unable to afford the trip to the doctor or pay for
some medication prices because they have no insurance or are under insured.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The poor also cannot afford good quality food
or many of the other necessities that are needed for good health.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">10.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mental health
and trauma: While these two do not always go hand in hand and each category
could stand alone, many of the above factors contribute to the mental decline
of this civilization. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The media has also
caused a lot of mental decline in and of itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also seems to suffer from mental illness
of a gigantic magnitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you
understand that it is bought and paid for by the elite to control your
thoughts, emotions as well as your body then things may start to make
sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When people are constantly pushed
to choose between the lesser of two evils on many levels of their lives, it is
still evil that is chosen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The soul has
to live with these decisions and it takes a toll on the mind, body and spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trauma can be stored in our bodies when it is
not dealt with and can cause many different ailments and diseases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a pretty good chance that we also
inherit the trauma from our ancestors which is passed down through our DNA
which affects many health issues as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since both the psychiatric industry, which is an extension of the
medical community and prescribe a plethora of mood altering drugs and most of
the religious faiths have also been corrupted, it is so very difficult for
people who are dealing with any trauma or mental illness to find any meaningful
help or relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">11. Genetics and DNA: While these are often blamed for
certain diseases that are hereditary, rarely is it taken into account all the
above factors that often caused these changes in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since science has been corrupted to benefit
those who want all the money, power and control, there are still many factors about
DNA that remain a mystery to the researches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What was once considered junk DNA is only now being examined more
closely and they are finding that it is indeed important, even if they are not
sure how or why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An interesting theory
I’ve read is, that the DNA we are born into is something we need to grow
into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mentally, spiritually and
physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since science rarely if ever
takes into account things of this nature they may never understand the
potential of the power of DNA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
instead they want to mix and match DNA from all different species to see what
they can come up with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">12. Exercise:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
this world too many people are sedimentary for too long periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when they do exercise it is all too often
the wrong type of exercise for the incorrect time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we were nomadic, we walked a lot, ran a
little, and lifted heavy game and supplies for shelter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also did most of this in the day time, in
the sun shine and in nature where we were grounded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That means that we were more connected to the
earth’s natural magnetic field which helped keep their bodies circadian rhythms
in balance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were stronger because
of the lifting they did and their muscles were developed in a manner that
supported their health. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you can understand that an uneducated, sick, divided
and mentally ill society is so much easier to control than an educated, healthy
and strong one, then you may understand why the world is the way it is today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you find that you can’t care about it,
then maybe it’s the fluoride in the water. <o:p></o:p></span></p>takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-42294249063200833332020-08-01T10:40:00.000-04:002020-08-01T10:40:02.132-04:00The brick, rock and hard place.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've been running pretty hard since July when mom's illness took a turn for the worse. For some reason I've also felt like I'm running out of time but for what, I have no idea. That's one of the reasons I started work on the house at the first of the year. We have come a long way but still have the main rooms including the kitchen to do. This virus lock down came along and it seemed to confirm my suspicions that we are all running out of time. I've been working too hard because the lock down didn't really affect my daily life and I feel it in my bones now. This morning I woke up around 2 am and since I couldn't go back to sleep got up at 3 am. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am deeply saddened this morning. My heart hurts thinking about all those that have left this plane of existence and they are truly missed. The people who have touched my life, even in a small way have been running through my mind. It's been 30 years since Granddad's death, 12 years since Trey's, 6 years since dad's and 7 months since mom's. Over the last 2 years we lost Grandma, Aunt Kat, Aunt Fran, Uncle Jerry and Aunt Ruthie. Trey's friend Danny has been gone 10 years now, my friend Karen almost 5 years and the young troubled girl named Kellie who lived with me for a while has been gone for about 2 years now. And my sweet Gus has only been gone for a little over a year. Each of these people and Gus impacted my life and their absence is felt absolutely. Pictures are all I have of their physical presence but I still talk to them as if they can hear me when I need to. But I miss the physical touch and the sound of their voices, the feeling of their presence more with each passing day, yearning to be with them. Especially with all that is going on in the world today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some times I can be thankful that they all checked out of this world before this insanity begun. Maybe they knew on some level that the events happening today were coming about and did what they could while they were here and then said... okay... I'm out. I know Trey's death eventually sent me on a search for the all allusive answer to the question; what is the meaning of life? That search took me to some strange places that would have most of my God fearing family cringing with apprehension on a very deep level. Some of the post in this blog were written with the level of understanding I had at the time which I have firmly believed was only a stepping stone to other knowledge or experiences. I think if life is only lessons and there are vast lessons in the universe then, wherever you are in your lesson plan is only a place to ponder, experiment or just learn until you can move on to the next. In my mind, I've likened it to growing up for which many people are unwilling to do for whatever reason. I now understand that not everyone is here to learn about spirituality for the purpose of growing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And there are those who do want to learn but have been led astray with all the lies, half truths, misinformation and firmly planted beliefs that are rooted in this world for the purpose of diverting them from finding out that this world is not what it seems to be in any way, shape of fashion. There are usually kernels of truth here and there but to distinguish the truth from the sometimes oh so subtle lies is a tall order. I can remember many years ago I had a few basic truths that were quite evident to me and they were... the world system we live under is an inherently greedy one... there was a whole lot more to the universe than religion had revealed... and the value of life on this planet meant very little to too many people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Conversations with people throughout the years were puzzling because some of them saw some of this but rarely thought beyond that which is one thing but the other thing was they didn't seem all that interested in exploring the deeper meaning of life. The few conversations I've had on that level were the most important ones and those were frustratingly few and far between. I understand that was my fault because of the people I choose to hang around weren't capable and I didn't go out looking for ones who were. Or if they came to me, I didn't take the time to find out if it was possible. It is another reason I've felt so alone in this world even before the ones I loved left. But I can say that as detailed in the recent post about mom's dying and the deeper thinking I've been doing as of late, that my struggle with mom was also a blessing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom made me be self reliant at a young age and she also put a lot of obstacles in my way that needed to be overcome preparing me for the world at large. She also didn't attend church or push any belief system on me that had to be overcome. She didn't have a lot of answers about the deeper meaning of life which caused me to be able to search out my own answers without too many prejudices and that was her greatest gift to me. It's a shame it only took me 48 years to realize that. Trey's gift to us all was holding the family together because I am not so sure it would have stayed intact without him. Even with the strife and struggle between all of us there were lessons that needed to be learned, karma that needed to be purged and most importantly the opportunity to love another human unconditionally. Whether any of us achieved this remains to be seen but for me he also introduced me to movies that I wouldn't have watched otherwise. These movies such as V for Vendetta and the Matrix trilogy were paramount in analogies when reading about the issues we all face on a daily basis. Of course there were many other little tid bits that were scattered throughout the course of his short life that didn't seem all that important at the time, but turned out to be of great significance later on with much thought.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Each event however small started me on the path to learning (the hard way usually) but Trey's birth really pushed me to grow up. I was just drifting before hand and while the seed was planted it still took a few years to grow and root. The process was slow and tedious because it was trial and error... repeat. Each person in my life taught me things that were good and bad whether it was by intent or accident. Sometimes I was actually able to use the knowledge wisely and other times it took years for the lessons to really sink in. I think part of that was due to eternal hope that others were also seeking to grow as I was but realizing that was not the case and just couldn't be in this life time. I also think it was another contributing factor as to why it's so hard for me to be or become emotionally close to others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Before this virus lock down there were many claiming to be "woke" to the enter workings of this world. Since I've been trying to awaken for years, I know that many of these folks are on their own stepping stone but I don't know if they will realize that there is so much more to what they know or think they know. I do realize that my knowledge wouldn't even fill a thimble and the awaking process is not as easy or pain free as they believe it to be. If it comes at all it comes in fits and starts in the beginning and to continue it, it takes a lot of work, sacrifice and a willingness to endure the pain of many things such as failure, personal relationships that may fall apart, belief systems torn to shreds, trauma in many varieties and many other assorted growing pains. From what I've seen many people avoid pain at all cost and this in and of itself is not conducive to waking up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While I knew I needed to grow up, I can't say I had the intentions of waking up but there have been many heartbreaking, mind shattering moments that have caused me to begin this process. I can't say how far along because there is so much I just don't know and won't know in this life time. But there is a quote that I take to heart and it is... if it takes you 5 lifetimes to learn the lessons that are needed for you, then start now. I can tell you I am not a blind faith kind of person because I've have felt that "blind" being the operative word is just that. Blind. Faith is something I have and continue to struggle with but I do believe that this world and any others are just lessons for us all. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Losing so many important people in my life as well as the many experiences to date should have prepared me for the social distancing, muzzle wearing, blind faith in the PTB by the many super programmed people in this world... and to a degree it has... but because it is this trying to take away the opportunity for humans to interact with each other as humans that disturbs me greatly. Our connection to each other has been beaten down steadily over the years and this push to break it all together takes being lonely to a whole new level. I guess some will not understand or even notice but some of you will. If you are apart of a close knit family the effects will be profound and the feelings may be unbearable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I started this post it was early May and now it is early August. 3 months have flown by at a crawl, if you can understand my meaning. We are in the last stage of remodeling and things are coming together at least at home. Work is still more than challenging due to the nature of it (grocery), the times we are in and the disintegration of a good team by managers who are nothing but corporate mouth pieces while doing as little as possible. Those types of managers set up teams to fail and then blame the teams themselves when it happens. They accuse us of doing what they themselves are doing while causing even more division among the team. This team was consistently in the top 3 in the district and sometimes leading the district without these managers present. After they arrived things could only go downhill from there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sounds familiar? That is also what I see on a much broader scale with this country and the world. Since I have lived my life between a rock and hard place often enough, I can see that a brick has been added to the mix. Using the reference above, the rock and hard place was between corporate's ever increasing, insane demands with low pay and between customers. A good example of corporate directives came in emails several months ago. The first was said... "We understand that you do not have the people, training, equipment, space or products on the shelves but we will be increasing the volume to max plus some. We know you will do the best you can!" The next email stated... "We understand you are tired and you've done an excellent job keeping up with the volume but it's now time to get back to customer service excellence standards." This partly means cutting labor dollars aka employee hours without cutting the volume of work.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some of the customers are the type to complain about almost everything to save a few dollars. Some use retail workers as a handy target to let off steam when their lives are not to their liking for whatever reason. Now imagine the added stress from the last few months of lock downs, mask wearing (or not), riots, school or job uncertainties and being told to stay away from the people or places where they can vent about what's going on. Then add the brick to the rock and hard place when you have poor to incompetent managers facilitating the destruction of a team making it a triangle where it becomes tough to move, think or just be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The above situation in a work place is a good example of what's going on in the world. The biggest difference is scale. Information on the internet is being scrubbed of anything that contradicts the corporate interest, directives and mandates. IE: Social Distance, mask wearing, threat of more lock downs except where rioting is concerned, then that's okay. The incompetent managers aka corporate mouth pieces aka political puppets aka doctors for big pharma, with the help of the corporate driven media are telling you what to do when, how often, why and then claiming it is for everyone's good. The customers in this case are the ones who seem to have no clue to what's really going on but are parroting what they are being told repeatedly. They are the brainwashed, anxiety ridden, confused people who truly believe that things will get back to normal if we all just do as we are told. And if you don't do what they tell you to do they will complain, report or public shame you to make your life miserable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My mom always said I was a willful child. I know I have been suspicious of authority figures for most of my life. For the simple reason, they don't make sense. Their actions show they don't care about the life of people. They don't care about their death either. I had to learn this the hard way and it was a painful lesson that took many years to understand. Going against the grain more often than not taught me how to be alone even if it's not the most healthy way to live. Being bullied as a kid taught me to have thick skin and eventually to stand up for myself. Not going to college or falling for too much of the indoctrination in high school helped me learn to think for myself... even if I am wrong at times... because finding out that I am wrong helped me to reevaluate the situations until I found solutions that actually worked.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While these things may have better prepared me for what has come about today, it by no means will make it any easier to navigate the disintegration of humans into automations of a dying system where we all become slaves to psychopaths in power. This is the most important war we all find ourselves in eventually when we can or will open our eyes to see. The young and the old are the casualties and have been for a very long time. It's a war on our spirit, soul, mind and bodies. </span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-38389593373111559672020-05-08T04:08:00.000-04:002020-05-08T04:08:22.382-04:00The calm before the storm<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember being bored as a young kid feeling like things would drag on forever. I'm sure many kids today are feeling the same thing as this lock down drags on too. It is for them that I feel sorry for because too many have been raised on the screens of many devices and have little to no desire to go outside or do things that don't require any technology. However I've been trying to lead a boring life for many years now and have worked hard toward that goal. I don't go out often and when I do it is usually running errands. Since I watch little to no TV, I have a lot of other things that interest me. There is always chores of course but I'm talking about creating things, reading books and trying new recipes when the mood strikes. If I had the time, I'd learn things like canning and sewing. Is that boring enough for ya? Lately, as I get a few minutes in the morning and evenings to enjoy the sudden quiet that has fallen in the neighborhoods so I can listen to the birds and whatever nature sounds that are around... I appreciate it all the more. Silence is good for the mind and the soul. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another reason is because it has allowed me time to think about all that is happening in the world at this moment in time. We have crossed another threshold but this time we have made a giant leap over it and I have been trying to make peace with the fact that the world as we knew it is gone. With so many changes in my life over the last 12 years, you'd think that I'd have all this down pat by now, but that is not the case because this change has effected everyone on the globe. It seems like most people hopped on board when the alphabet agencies told everyone to isolate themselves to save the world without asking this one very important question.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In your life time...when have any of these agencies, parties, corporations or the government ever cared about our heath, wealth or well being before? The short answer is never. Oh they may pretend to as I have learned over the years but if you really look deeper you can see that every law, legislation or bill that has or is trying to be passed benefits those who have great wealth and a desire to rule the world. They have sold too many others an illusion that they've gladly accepted because to really look at the alternative would have been too much to accept. These agencies have been conditioning the people much like Pavlov's dogs were conditioned to respond with fear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I watched first hand at the grocery store I work at what was happening. It was my little microcosm where I could see people from all walks of life pile in and start the panic driven, fear based buying of all supplies. There were people who were greedy and decided that they were entitled to everything first simply because they got there first. When others came in and saw the lines, the empty shelves the panic spread quickly and as they texted or phoned others the tornado of people swept away the last of the food that would normally not be bought. Some people were very thankful that we were there but many others thought it was their right to be served quickly and for us to manufacture stuff from thin air that we didn't have. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My first thought on this and these entitled people demanding things we just didn't have to give them was... boy are you in for a big surprise. Since I've worked for most everything I have in life and learned early if what I wanted was unavailable or even not within reach, I either had to have patience or make do without. But it's been 3 weeks since that first wave of panic hit the stores here and in those 3 weeks we have been scared to death by the irresponsible media which has caused a massive lock down on our movements and done their best to sever all physical contact between people. Human contact is essential to life and they have found a way to make that one thing you didn't think could be taken away... to be done so in such a way as to make you think it is for you own good. I call bullshit on every level on that one. But the absolute insane thing about it is not just how many people fell for it, but are now considering themselves the social and thought police. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To save lives, they said. Humph. It's not just the agencies of this world who hasn't been interested in saving lives throughout millenia, it's this selfish, greedy world that has adopted the "fuck you what about me" mentality. If you are clearing the shelves and taking all the supplies for yourself, you clearly don't care whether others live or die. And if you are doing it all to make a profit then congratulations! You have become just like the psychopathic sub humans that are running the world. But here is the kicker to all this... they knew exactly how many of you would respond and it went according to plan, at least so far. So my question now is... where are all these entitled people when it comes to demanding that our basic rights not be wiped out? Are you in the comfort of your own home, well stocked now and unconcerned with anything else? Do you believe that things will return to normal and the economy will recover soon enough so you can continue to live in your comfortable house with just regular every day worries? Again, you are in for a big surprise. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even if you took the scariest numbers about this virus and the rate of infection to time of death in consideration, do you not realize that more of your neighbors or your family would have already passed? If not, how long will it take for you to see that there is no curve to flatten and therefor no end in sight, unless everyday people start to turn off the news and start paying more attention to the real world outside of their homes, devices and wild rumors? When food and basic supplies stop showing up on the shelves, when every business except Walmart and Amazon close their doors for good, when they come to foreclose on your home, turn off your power and water? Will you then begin to see that maybe we have all been lied to for a very long time for the benefit of the few? Empires fall. And we are teetering on the edge of the abyss. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I scroll through Facebook taking the temperature of those who live close and far away to see how well this experiment in social engineering is going. I can see many are trying to change peoples minds by changing their verbage so that it makes it sound like you are doing the right thing. They want to change your mindset so that you will be comfortable with all that is happening. It's the same message... Don't think, just do what you are told. Stay home, stay safe. Keep wrapping everyone, especially your kids is bubbles of safety where nothing can happen to them. Don't worry your government is in control... everything will be just fine and there is some truth in that. Everything will be fine for those in control of the people but not the people themselves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since it seems that the majority of the people have all but given up and become programmed robots, regurgitating what ever mainstream media and their neighbor says, I have lost faith in humanity as a whole. I also understand that there are some of you out there who can still see what is happening with horror in your heart. If any of my experiences have taught me anything, it's those who can see and feel what's happening will have a harder time than those who don't. We value our freedoms and our families... not just one or the other. We also value the creative expression and the need to touch the ones we are close to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would also like to acknowledge the ones who seem to be in between and by that I mean, those people who are willing to help out others in times of need. That is what helps me maintain my sliver of hope for humanity. It is so difficult to see that the help that is being offered is being used for the purpose of maintaining this charade such as the making of masks and the donation of supplies which perpetuates this manufactured crisis. I am thankful that there are still many who will do what they can when they can but I'm so very sorry that these people are being used. So the next time a quite possibly real crisis arrives, they might not be as willing or trusting to help. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm not going to be like almost everyone else and tell you what to do or what you should be doing. This journey in life is personal and it is our own lesson to learn. I will tell you what I hope though, because hope springs eternal. I hope some good comes from these times. I hope through the worries that many of us are dealing with that we can take time to really think while we are on lock down. I hope that each of you who are ready, willing and able to work through the fear and the panic to see that life can be so much more than the daily grind with bills, jobs, schools, shuffling the kids here and there or whatever it is that you feel like you have to do to get the list checked off.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope you can go outside and be apart of the world without a device attached to your body and see your little microcosm of the world. If it isn't what you want to see, I hope you will go out and make a difference even if it's just picking up the trash. For those of you with kids, I hope you get to really know them in this time you have with them. Maybe even forge a deeper bond with them if you haven't had the time to do so. On the flip side to that, if you haven't spent much time with your kids and find out they are lazy, clueless and quite possibly entitled too, maybe you can take a good long look at the real reason that it's so and I'd hope that you would at least try and correct it. Not just for your sake but for everyone elses. There are too many of these types as it is and I can tell you from experience that this lock down was and will be a tailor made excuse for these types who don't accept any responsibility for themselves much less others but when the time comes they very well may need to do just that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope that many people would learn and start to make things again. Since there is a very good possibility that all of the supply chains will be effected by what is happening, now would be a good time to learn how to fix and repair things too. It may become paramount that we learn to garden and farm small animals for our survival. Now I am not talking about taking things back to the 19th century... at least I sincerely hope not... but in these time you just never know. It might not be a bad idea to get back to our roots and away from being a service based country. There are so many trades out there to be learned and there is absolutely nothing wrong with working with your hands.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Although I do know the service industry is carrying the weight of the world on them at the moment and it should show people just how important these people really are everyday, not just in a (manufactured) crisis situation. We the people, who get up everyday to exert much physical labor that too many others thought unimportant or simply beneath them have an advantage. We see more of the real world and we have what it takes to get through hard times because we live with the struggle daily. It is my hope that each of you know your worth and demand that you be treated accordingly. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We all know that not everybody can or will do any of these things though. Some live in densely populated cities or a poverty so pervasive that all hope seems lost at this point. But I can tell you that the poor have a lot more experience with doing without than many others on the planet and they may be the ones who can make it through the times ahead better than all of us. I also hope that you will be able to recognize the ones who would gladly sell their freedom for that illusion of safety and security. That kind of life where you live in a comfort zone without ever trying new things is stagnant and causes entropy of the soul. Fear can be a great motivator if it is used properly and not as a tool for oppression. There is also spiritual growth when you can persevere through things that make us uncomfortable. The possibilities are limitless in the positive things that can be accomplished if we apply ourselves to learn, try and repeat as necessary to be what we are meant to be. I hope you will travel a road to freedom and pave the way for the ones who cannot. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hope you can understand that I do care for the people of this world even if I don't really like them at the moment. I care enough to speak about the ramifications of our actions or more importantly our inactions as our life as we know it is replaced with a life of suffering on a massive scale that will end more lives than this virus. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Until that time, I hope you truly enjoy the calm before the storm. </span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-31066541803984536522019-10-18T09:42:00.001-04:002019-10-18T09:55:58.005-04:00After thoughts…<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">You know years ago, if you had told me that mama’s death
would have been as difficult to deal with as it has turned out to be, I
wouldn’t have believed it possible.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Partly because our relationship was difficult and I know how miserable
she was.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I guess for some strange and
stupid reason I thought that would make it a little easier.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It has not.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">In fact, I think it has made it tougher because I got to experience mama
on a level that I had never experienced before.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I think because I had more time with dad and our relationship wasn’t as
strained throughout our lives as it was off and on with mama, it made dealing
with his death a little easier.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I had
over a year with dad while he was coherent enough to talk about things and just
be together.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">With mom we had 2, 2 day
weekends and then a month with her.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mama must have told my roommate I love you every time she
passed by her bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knew my roommate
was shy at the best of times and she was determined to get her to talk and get
a smile out of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, mama did it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She got my roommate to engage with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They talked about different things including
my beloved Bulldog Gus and that got me to remembering the last time I brought
him to see mama in February.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A year
prior to that I had called mama balling while I was at the vet with Gus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a grapefruit sized hematoma with a
walnut sized tumor inside of it attached to his spleen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was so sick and I was faced with a
decision that was a no brainer for me but the risk involved with that type of
surgery at his age was so high that the vets weren’t sure if he would make it
through the surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t matter, I
had to try and save my buddy no matter what it cost.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mama was so upset because she loved that beautiful soul
as much as I did and offered to pay for the surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her that if it was more than what I
had, I’d let her know but ended up having just enough to take care of the
bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That surgery saved his life and
gave me a year and one more month with him that I will cherish for the rest of
my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So in February when we went to
see mom, I knew his time was running short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Gus was almost 13 years old and he had lived longer than the average
with his breed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama said that she could
see that he wasn’t the same dog she had remembered but while in the kitchen she
was giving him a treat, he got enthusiastic about it and lunged at it a little too
much catching her fingertips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw mama pull
back and count her fingers like she was making sure they were all there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was smiling and told Gus, there you are,
that’s the happy little guy I remember, but I’d like to keep my fingers if you
don’t mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made me laugh and it’s
something I keep thinking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was about a month or so later on 03/19/19 that Gus and
I had to take that final ride to the vet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It broke my heart… it still does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He was my first dog and helped me so much after Trey’s death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was my buddy that rode with me everywhere
in the years afterward until I started working full time outside the house
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gus gave mama and me something
neutral to talk about as did the other animals I’ve take in, fostered and
helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The personalities and attitudes
of each animal here were so pronounced that when I would share the stories of
some of the activities with her she would laugh and always ask about them when
we talked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But mama told me that when I
had to take Gus for that final ride, not to tell her about it until it was
over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She just couldn’t bare it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I waited until after it was over to call
her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since these chapters are about love and loss, I have to
share that event to help me deal with it too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Gus maintained for that year after his surgery to remove the tumor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was older and slower but he was still Gus
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On a Friday afternoon he started
to have a hard time standing and there had been a small bump on his back bone
less than a quarter in size.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the
next few days the bump grew in size, was soft to touch but was most probably
painful too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still ate his food but I
had to bring it to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vets were
closed of course due to the weekend but by Monday, I knew that I had to take him
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I called them and made the
appointment for Tuesday afternoon and we spent the rest of that day and the
next giving him all kinds of treats he normally couldn’t have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He had lots of belly and head rubs and love from others
who had stopped by to say goodbye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gus
had made such an impact on so many people’s lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was and is well loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My roommate and I left for the vet that
afternoon and we parked in the rear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
moved Gus from the back seat to the back of my SUV in his bed and we just sat
there for about 2 hours quietly watching the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never got up and I rarely let go of his
paw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a beautiful day to send him
off but it was also a very hard one to bear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It became time and then Gus was free again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My home and my heart were so empty and I had
to adjust to that feeling of loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gus
had been on a schedule of meds and other things that I no longer had to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what to do with all
this time I suddenly had and it is the same with mama’s absence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know what to do with myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One of mama fondest memories that she mentioned in the
last month she was here was me telling her about how Gus and I were doing when
he first came to live with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
bought him a bed and that lasted all of a week or so before he eased his way
onto the bed and then onto the pillow beside me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I didn’t want to get up in the morning
to face another day without Trey, Gus would come and give me a snot shower in
the face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I started to pull the
pillow over my head, he would stick his nose under the pillow to make me get
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then finally he settled on just
sitting on my bladder because he knew I’d have to get up to pee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gus was smart, dedicated, loyal and was the
best friend anyone could have ever asked for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember that mom called me shortly after Gus came and said she was
coming by for something, I can’t remember what, but she really just came by to
see Gus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who could blame her?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mama asked me whether I would move later on down the road
one afternoon. I never really thought
about it much after I sold my camper. I
had accepted that I would probably live here throughout my not so golden
years. It did make me stop and think but
over the next few days it became clear that maybe this was the place I needed
to be. On a practical level, I know this
house and what’s wrong, what’s been done and how to go about fixing what is
needed. Trey, Dad, Gus and now Mom all
died while they lived here so I might as well complete this cycle and do the
same. My memories are so strong here and
maybe I’ll be able to feel them around me more here than anywhere else. I’m still waiting on that dream or for dad to
knock three times to let me know they are okay… maybe one day? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Each loss I have endured seems to compound the ones
before by bringing back all the memories of each to be felt all over
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess that’s one of things that
many older people have to deal with as their family and friends go before them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But losing mama on another beautiful day, who
was the last of my immediate family, the woman who gave birth to me and the
connection we had is something in another realm altogether.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is so out of my depth and not even close
to what I thought it would be like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
woman I brought home was my mother but not the one I have known most of my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The difference was staggering and
I’m still not entirely sure of what to make of it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Processing all that had happened in that
short time will probably take years at best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s why it feels so surreal, like did all that really happen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve talked on the phone more in the last few weeks than
I have all year and probably last year too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve spoken to a few extended family members and have gotten to know
them a little better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve gotten text
messages and ones on Facebook from many others and my limited ability to have
normal conversations shows all too clearly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For that I am sorry, it’s just I’m awkward in the best social
interactions and in the worse, I am more at a loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can guess many of them are too maybe for
different reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it is deeply
appreciated that they have reached out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On Monday 10/14/19, I picked up mama’s urn from the
funeral home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have talked to both the
cemetery and them about markers for the plot mama has at Sunset where Trey is
buried and have found that between state and federal laws and the business of
dying that to have mom and dad’s ashes interned is not only going to be much
more expensive because of their rules, it’s also going to be a convoluted
process to pay for it now and do it later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m just not ready to inter their remains at this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I made the decision to just have the
markers on the plot and I will scatter the rest of dad’s ashes and moms
whenever, wherever I feel like its best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some of dad’s are at Kure Beach where he used to love fishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to have to think hard about where
mom would like to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I picked up mom’s urn, I brought her home in her car
since she’d only driven it twice since she got it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a fancy urn that is black with gold
designs on it because it reminded me of the jewelry she wore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope she likes it, but know she probably
doesn’t care about those matters now any more than before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the things I kept repeating to her
while she was here and struggling was, I got you mama and that’s what I said to
her as I put her urn into her car for that final ride home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To look at an urn in whatever form or however
beautiful it is, is humbling because you know, I know that the contents held
someone that was here and was loved, even when the frustrations were high at
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ashes to ashes, dust to
dust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what it comes down to in
the end for our bodies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">No matter your views on the afterlife, while we are here
it still counts in the way we all live our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who we are, our character, morals, values,
the love we feel and show, the hard times we cause and get through, the pain we
endure and the things we have accomplished is all a part of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s these things we take with us when we go
while leaving the body behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it is
also things that are left behind in the hearts and souls of the people who love
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The memories and feelings are what’s
important even if we struggle with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mama was important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think
she realized just how important she really was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve known all along that she was important and that’s why I’ve had the
issues I’ve had with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama mattered
to me and I feel the loss of her deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel the loss of Trey deeply. I feel the loss of Dad deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel the loss of Gus deeply. I feel the
loss of Danny deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of these
losses have left me a much different person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They all mattered and they have all touched my soul in different ways so
when they left this world there is a bigger void in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All of these events over the last year bring me back to
my original questions that I’d started to search for answers after Trey died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is my purpose here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now understand that much of that purpose is
to learn and maybe clear some karmatic debt possibly accumulated along the
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there must be another reason I
am left here when so many I love have gone before me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is it that I’ve got to do before I die
that would fulfill that purpose?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still
don’t know if or when I’ll find the answer to that question and am sure that
many others grapple with it as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After bringing mama home, I’ve spent the week looking at
pictures and trying to find some to post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had to dig around in a few different places and found that there are
even less pictures of dad than of mom because he too was usually behind the
camera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t tell you what it meant
to me to find some pictures where mama was actually smiling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did have some happy moments in her life,
although not near enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems like
we only took pictures at holiday’s and rarely in between for those everyday
moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I think back and know we
were living those moments whatever they were. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama and I did have a lot of good moments
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both have a dark and twisted
sense of humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both loved Trey and
Gus with all of our hearts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both
share a lot of memories of the past whether they are good or bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We both loved each other even when we couldn’t
show it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end though it was quite
clear that the love was given and received by each and that’s all that matters.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-74799074408034164592019-10-13T20:26:00.000-04:002019-10-18T15:38:01.605-04:00Mom's Life in Pictures<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ya'll know mama hated to have her picture taken but I've combed through all the ones I have and picked out some that are important to me. I try to go through the years with her but there are a lot of blanks...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Grandma Louise.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama and Granddad Bill.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Young Mama</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama 9 years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Young adult mama.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama's Prom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Young Adult Mama (on left).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Dad's Wedding.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom camping? Who knew?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Princess.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, Princess and Tom Cat.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Uncle John.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and me.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s_lL1fWFiMY/XaO400qpoiI/AAAAAAAACng/S6IkbbMFThs2Bk6DqGJ2GrnCuk-1v8vrACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2BDad%2Bn%2BMe%2BB16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="430" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s_lL1fWFiMY/XaO400qpoiI/AAAAAAAACng/S6IkbbMFThs2Bk6DqGJ2GrnCuk-1v8vrACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2BDad%2Bn%2BMe%2BB16.png" width="234" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, Dad and me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and not me... too skinny and dark hair.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and me.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GTffZ2lmKmY/XaO7GppRn4I/AAAAAAAACn8/Z1Pvgu6_qV4L8tx4c_V0EE006qAA9gSeQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2Bn%2Bme%2B4%2BB19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="583" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GTffZ2lmKmY/XaO7GppRn4I/AAAAAAAACn8/Z1Pvgu6_qV4L8tx4c_V0EE006qAA9gSeQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2Bn%2Bme%2B4%2BB19.png" width="315" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and me.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KS-W2EJ4N-o/XaO7a2e4iNI/AAAAAAAACoE/cyh-cu6EQQMoCKQL3yuPbF5qTPZNwGcLgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2Bn%2BAunt%2BMary%2BB20.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="505" data-original-width="529" height="305" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KS-W2EJ4N-o/XaO7a2e4iNI/AAAAAAAACoE/cyh-cu6EQQMoCKQL3yuPbF5qTPZNwGcLgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2Bn%2BAunt%2BMary%2BB20.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Aunt Mary (Dad's side).</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0osCadfCKWI/XaO7rAKiGDI/AAAAAAAACoI/BlmGn2-c0Mk16D6KCQKQvHo8Xl5nDL7ygCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2Bn%2BDad%2BB21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="379" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0osCadfCKWI/XaO7rAKiGDI/AAAAAAAACoI/BlmGn2-c0Mk16D6KCQKQvHo8Xl5nDL7ygCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2Bn%2BDad%2BB21.png" width="217" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Dad.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QO6rDCy_OP4/XaO73AsAuTI/AAAAAAAACoQ/KbMnsbb69JE2IdkOIjLGLULIelsp90BwwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2BB22.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="445" data-original-width="416" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QO6rDCy_OP4/XaO73AsAuTI/AAAAAAAACoQ/KbMnsbb69JE2IdkOIjLGLULIelsp90BwwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2BB22.png" width="299" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom's usual expression when a camera is aimed at her.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w57LF5Q06PA/XaO8U_Wt8zI/AAAAAAAACog/8eyPKRpobKYB1uHimtXTPqZhD4usFV7FgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2BWTF%2BB23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="658" height="248" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w57LF5Q06PA/XaO8U_Wt8zI/AAAAAAAACog/8eyPKRpobKYB1uHimtXTPqZhD4usFV7FgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2BWTF%2BB23.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of mom's WTF looks.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ba4ywFNq1-k/XaO8urV942I/AAAAAAAACoo/M8rRcsoTF_EZruD4Ek03LOXoJ2JI5AsHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Dad%2BMom%2Band%2Bme%2BB24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="693" data-original-width="886" height="250" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ba4ywFNq1-k/XaO8urV942I/AAAAAAAACoo/M8rRcsoTF_EZruD4Ek03LOXoJ2JI5AsHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Dad%2BMom%2Band%2Bme%2BB24.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, Dad and me.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j-iU4Cigp6k/XaO9BywGgYI/AAAAAAAACow/bIBYU4EyNcYUKI65toq9UUlgWYuNcinggCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Mom%2Busual%2Bex%2BB25.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="489" data-original-width="328" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j-iU4Cigp6k/XaO9BywGgYI/AAAAAAAACow/bIBYU4EyNcYUKI65toq9UUlgWYuNcinggCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Mom%2Busual%2Bex%2BB25.png" width="214" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another of mom's favorite expressions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and Trey.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, Trey and me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, Trey and me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom and me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The only family picture that I know of. On couch from left to right is Grandma, MawMaw, Dad and Mom. On the floor from left to right is Trey, Billy, Will and me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Aunt Sue, me, Trey and Mom.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom 1996</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom at my house again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom 1998</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama at my house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mama at my house again with Trey taking the picture.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Trey, Grandma and Mama.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Barbara Ann Bruner Forbis</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Also known as Mama, Mom, MeMaw, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Cousin, Aunt and Friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">08/17/1945 - 10/09/2019</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You are missed, you are loved and you are so much more...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/10/after-thoughts.html" target="_blank">After Thoughts...</a></span></div>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-59447066949869665192019-10-13T19:22:00.000-04:002019-10-13T22:17:19.544-04:00Mama’s Gone…<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Sunday 10/6 I met with my longtime friends and neighbors
at a notary’s home and completed all my documents.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">On Monday the woman who helped me with
getting the house cleaned was here for over 6 hours and mama’s nurse came that
afternoon.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She said that mama’s time is
running down.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I knew that, saw it and
could feel it in my bones.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">So that’s why
I already had my talk with mom on Sunday morning.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She had been sleeping so much, eating so very
little and moving around even less that I knew it was time.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I told her while I thought she was sleeping
that I was so very sorry that her life was so painful on so many levels.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Earlier in the month when she was more
coherent we had spoken of reincarnation and she hadn’t dismissed the idea so I
told her that if it was a real possibility that I wanted her to do her best to
find a way to heal her soul for all of our sakes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told her about reading how trauma is inherited from the
generations that come before us and if we can come to this world to learn the
lessons we need to learn and try to heal the wounds that we carry from others
and ourselves, that maybe, just maybe if and when we do decide to reincarnate
we would all have a chance at a better life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s what I wanted for her more than anything in the world at that moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I better life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her that even though we had had a
difficult relationship most of our lives that she would always be my crazy ass
old mama and she gave me a quick grin that let me know she heard me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Encouraged by that I went on to tell her that while I am
not even remotely ready to let her go, that if she needed to go I understood
and would be all right… eventually… but I asked her to come visit me in my
dreams so I would know that she was all right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told her that when she does cross over to tell that little rascal to
do the same because I was missing him so very much and was a little pissed that
he hadn’t come to me in my dreams except for once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a weird one where Trey and I were
riding a roller coaster in a wheat field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was just the two of us, he didn’t ride roller coasters in real life
and I hadn’t eaten wheat in a very long time so I don’t know what that
symbolized. Mom gave me another quick grin while never opening her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thanked her for coming home and giving us
this time together however brief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told
her it meant the world to me and she did too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess I never realized how much until just that moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I brought Peaches out to her for what would
be the last time while she was here and let her know that I will love that cat and
take care of her until the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the
dogs were sitting in the chair across from her bed and the beds next to the chair shortly after I put Peaches back in to the bedroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think they knew it was time too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On Tuesday I went to my doctor’s appointment, stopped by
the funeral home to transfer mom arrangements and filed my paperwork at the
courthouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my head I kept asking mom
to hold on just a little longer so I could finish this stuff to be by her
side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well she did but just barely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tuesday night turned into Wednesday morning 10/9/19
and my roommate checked on mom about 1 in the morning after I had gone to
bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got up at 7 am… mama was
gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feelings I had been holding
back came rushing out as the tears started and I couldn’t stop them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat there holding her hand and laid my head
on her chest and let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama was
gone and even with my friends and family still in this world I felt so very
alone at this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like a failure
and wondered if I did anything to hasten her departure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt rushed and lost and tired and such
sorrow that I couldn’t move for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I felt regret and guilt and such love for this woman who is and always
will be my mama. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After a while, I woke my roommate up and told her mama’s
gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After she got up I told her I
needed to wait for a bit before I call hospice in because then things would
start moving quickly and I wasn’t ready for that yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really meant I wasn’t ready for any of this
at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept wondering around trying
to figure out what to do and would just end up sitting on her bed again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got Peaches again and brought her to mom so
she could smell that mama was gone and not feel like she just disappeared on
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But eventually I made that call and
also called my cousin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She came to the
house directly and helped me so much by calling the family and letting them
know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the nurse came she was
surprised at how quickly she had to come back as we were… sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurse pronounced mama’s death at that
time and I asked her if we could clean mama and change her clothes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just couldn’t let them take mama in her
housecoat and wanted her to have the dignity of being clean and clothed when
they came to pick her up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was one of
the last things I would be able to do for her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The nurse asked to see a picture of mom and both my
cousin and I told her that mom hated to have her picture taken so there were so
very few, but I found one that was fairly recent and we showed it to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pulled mom’s ruby cross and necklace off of
her and gave it to my cousin because mom had given me a sapphire one many years
ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted her to have this one as a
reminder of how much she meant to me and mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All too quickly it became time for mom to leave for the last time when
the funeral home people arrived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
cousin stopped them for a minute and asked if she could take a picture of mom
and me holding hands. They were gracious to give us the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the whole time I kept telling myself
that this is really happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As with dad, I could only prepare myself so much as to
eventuality of losing a parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
speed at which this all happened was mind blowing and makes the entire month
mama was here seem surreal at best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
kept hearing mama tell me she should have come home sooner and I wish she
had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish there wasn’t so much that
had to be done in that short time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wish I understood how much her health had gone down in the last six months but
I didn’t go to see her as much as I should’ve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wished Linda, who knew mama’s health better than anyone else at the
time would have called sooner and been a better friend to her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no matter what I wished for, things had to
happen just the way they did. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep
thinking about why mama said she didn’t want to bother me at this time in our
lives and I think she felt how resistant I was of taking on the responsibilities
of caring for her at the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s all
on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have stated several times that
mom was stubborn, difficult and demanding at times with me and others but I had
learned to deal with her in a way that allowed me to still be able to live my
life and find some sort of peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Like many people, I will always have regrets about things
in the past but I’ve done my best to learn from my mistakes and try to make
better choices for the present and the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I regret that mama and I had such a short period of time together
I will always be thankful for the month we did have, for the words that we both
needed to hear and for the chance to make her last days as comfortable as
possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She may have been confused and
afraid of the process of dying but she knew she was safe here with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She saw me handling everything that was
happening while trying to take care of her too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe she found some faith in me after all. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back on things now with more
information than was available, I think mama like so many of us was looking for
acceptance on a very basic level that she hadn’t been able to find throughout
her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand that all the way
to my core but I know with her relationship with her own mother who took her
into her home at the age of 2, there was another level, even deeper than my
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I accepted mama for who and
what she was, I doubt that it was the type of acceptance she was looking for or
needed so very much and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So as the funeral home people brought mama from the house
into their hearse for her final ride, I watched with the thoughts that the most
complicated piece of my heart was going with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter what had happened during our
lifetime she was still and always will be my mama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also thought about how I started calling
her mama when I was a child and then the evolution of calling her mom, then
devolving back to calling her mama in the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But this time she was reverting back to being a small defenseless child
herself and the rolls had reversed as I was taking care of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s thoughts like these that run through our
minds at times like these are inconsequential but still a fleeting one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My cousin and I hugged a lot while this was going on and
after mama had left the nurse had to begin her final duties that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sue was so very kind and considerate during
the whole process unlike the nurse that came after dad had died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sue made things bearable and took care with
both mama and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She handled everything
from start to finish in a manner that honored mama’s life and death with a compassion
that is rarely seen these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
also called Andrea, mama’s aide who also took such good care of her and asked
if she would come by one last time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
did and she was the most compassionate person to help mama and me during this
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both of these outstanding people
will be remembered with such fondness and gratefulness as time moves on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world could use more people like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve said several times that peoples kindness
touches me in a way that cruelty never could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Kindness makes me cry quicker and deeper than almost anything else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later that day the funeral home people came back to get
the signatures for their paperwork and the equipment people came to pick up all
the stuff in the dining room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For most
of the day afterwards, I just sat in my driveway plucking weeds from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a mindless activity that I could do
while I let myself feel and come to grips with mama’s death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were a few phone calls I still needed
to make and take as I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had told
my cousin that I didn’t want any visits and understand that was hard on the
rest of the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I just couldn’t
do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed time alone and to be
quiet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point I had a long
conversation with one of my aunts and she revealed that my real grandfather was
a stubborn, mean drunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My real
grandmother was a salt of the earth woman who was so kind and caring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also talked about how the decision came
about of mama’s second cousin taking mama in when she was 2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found out that she was close to my real
grandmother and was asked that she care for her youngest child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its things like this that I never knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to call my aunt back and get the
correct names for my real grandparents for mama’s death certificate to avoid
issues down the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later still that evening, I decided that I was going to have
a bottle of wine that was left over from New Years to celebrate mama’s life,
which turned into two bottles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not a
drinker and was rather toasted by the end of the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I was well into the second bottle I got
a few more phone calls and talked to a cousin on my dad’s side for quite a
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I probably should apologize for
the rambling drunk talk… I eventually went to bed only to wake up the next
morning to face the loss of mama all over again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the equipment may have been removed all
of her things were still right where we left them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mornings are the hardest time for me and it
takes me until late afternoon to start to calm my mind down. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked around hugging her pillows, blankets
and night gowns looking for comfort in those soft fabrics and taking in her
scents while I still could. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept
thinking that she remembered to tell me happy birthday the day before it was to
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have an old message saved on
my phone where she actually sang it to me and have listened to that and the
other messages I have saved just to hear her voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Several people have mentioned that I should find some
peace in the fact that Trey, mama and dad are all together again and I know in
my heart they are right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the
moment I still feel left behind to deal with this world alone when I would give
everything to be with them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I
accept that is not to be, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m tired, hurting
and feel so alone even when I’m surrounded by people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t had the best of luck when it comes
to connecting with people as discussed before and it’s at times like these that
I feel the absence of those connections more deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama, dad, Trey and I were connected for
better or worse and with those earthy connections broken, I feel
untethered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only hope upon hope
that at least one of them if not all will visit me in my dreams so I can see
and feel them again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The days went on in much the same fashion but I was
cleaning up around here a little at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When it became too much, I’d have to stop packing mama’s few possessions
we brought away into my closet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dogs
seem to be grieving too, especially Walter because he still lays on the floor
in the dining room most of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have to entice him to eat his breakfast in the morning and that means the world
to me too as stupid as it sounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
foster dog has only been here six months and he is grieving for my mama or for
me or both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rocky is still a big puppy
who likes to play most of the time, but has been much more subdued in the last
week or so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As with Gus who made me participate
with life after losing Trey, both of these guys will do the same with
mama.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On Saturday, Tiffany came to the house and brought all
the jewelry mama had given her to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She still had it in the bags mama had placed them in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked for a while and cried a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had experienced the same short phone
calls with mama over the same time period as I did, had the same almost nasty
text messages from Linda but hers had started way earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked about the old neighborhood and a
few of the kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she told me to
call her anytime, I told her, that I had really meant what I said in the blog
that I had wanted her to move on with her life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I probably wouldn’t stay in contact for that very reason so it would be
up to her if she wanted to talk she would have to call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she understood and that we all had
helped her so much through Trey’s and Danny’s death and still considered us
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her I wanted her to be as
happy as she could be in this life and I’ll be right here if she needs me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I left the jewelry on the table for a long while because
I couldn’t open it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later on I finally
did and found mama’s class ring and dad’s wedding band that she thought was
stolen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been so long since I’d
seen a lot of it but had recognized the pieces I had given her over the
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mama had loved her jewelry and I
had a piece in my hands that I knew was one of her favorites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put the ring on and have kept looking at it
since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a piece of her life that is
tangible and helps remind me of the way she was when she was full of life, good
and bad, happy and sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also feel
so very deep sorrow that mama is gone… </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/10/moms-life-in-pictures.html" target="_blank">Mama's Life in Pictures </a></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-9166202784078765522019-09-28T10:27:00.000-04:002019-10-13T19:24:11.680-04:00Peace, love and happiness… or not.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I was proof reading the last post it became apparent
that it was sounding like things where all peace, love and happiness but
sometimes it’s anything but.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do mean
that things are worked out as well as they will ever be between mom and me but
the reality of the situation is still difficult in the way of her physical
limitations and definitely the emotional and mental conditions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There is a learning curve with caring for any person at
the end of their life and since the nurturing gene seems to have skipped
several generations it is something I am trying to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll never be a natural but I can at least
put forth the effort because mom seems to need it so very much now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think she has been looking for it all along
in all the wrong places and because I’ve done the same thing, I can see where
it comes from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the moments where it’s
hardest for her to breathe she is more confused now than the new normal and
it’s when I can be more nurturing and comforting to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That reality is a far, far distance from the
woman I grew up with or even the one who was here 10 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard to wrap my brain around it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Then there are the moments where the medications have
kicked in and she is more like the woman I remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In those times mom is a little more demanding
and discontented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s softer now if
that makes sense but it’s still there underneath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While she is trying to make things easier on
me now when she is able sometimes I feel like it’s so I can do more for her
even when she is able to do for herself in that moment in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some examples are like when I’ve finished
getting her off the potty (her home sweet home now as we like to call it) or
setting up her meds or making sure she has eating, she will wait until I sit
down to ask me to do something else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Repeatedly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just little things
like more tissue, Q Tips, wipes or simply just to move something to another
location.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s during these times it is
harder for me to be nurturing to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh,
I usually do it but it does get on my nerves more when I am tired and
sleepy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such is life, I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I also talked with one of the first hospice nurses and
she told me it was natural for mom to want to have some control over the simple
daily things and it was important to ask her things like did she want yellow or
green socks to help give her a sense of control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, that I can do but the things I mentioned
above go beyond that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was weird that
the nurse even mentioned it because the conversation was about the time she may
have left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all know it’s an impossible
question but one I still felt compelled to ask.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Her answer was interesting though because she stated that a person’s
personality makes a difference in the way that, if they are a fighter then they
will usually fight to stay here longer but if they are the type to give up
easily then that’s what they’ll do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom
fits both types with her stubbornness and decisions to give up on things in
life… so that cleared that up!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It also seems like mom is unaware of the impact she has
made on other people lives over the years while believing that she doesn’t
bother anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I know for a fact
that she has made an impact of other people’s lives as evidenced by the
conversations I’ve had with them when they had a problem or issue with
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While mom was overt with me as a
kid, her methods turned more covert and subtle over the years which just became
her natural state of being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I talked
about the control that she had held on to tightly for so many years had begun
to loosen tremendously lately but it is still there just on a much smaller
scale.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since I began to read many books on the issues of
psychology that have come a long way over the years, it’s something I’ve tried
to be aware of in myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I know
that I am very different in some aspects from mom and the environments that I
have lived in were different too, it’s always been my concern that I may have
that same trait, issue or problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
probably was the biggest reason I lived my life the way I did, in an effort to
try and go the opposite direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
guess it depends on who you ask as to whether I’ve been able to control that
within myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As best as I can tell,
the people who have been kind to me see me as the same way and the ones who
ended up using me think I am the user especially when I don’t allow that to
continue when I see it for what it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe it's how people treat me that determines how I will treat them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s now 09/25, almost 3 weeks since I’ve been off from
work and the routine that helped me to get through the week has been altered
drastically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slowly but surely we are
establishing a new one that will let me go back to work around the middle of
October… hopefully.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss the exercise
and can’t believe that I am even writing that!!! I will probably hurt for a few
days when I return because I am not doing much physically at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also miss some of the people and others…
not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a moment to walk
down to my friend’s house the other day, who is also having serious health
problems and it felt good to be out of the house for a few minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve completed everything that can be done at
this time and am just waiting on things to finish their cycle so I can complete
closing down mom’s accounts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During this time it also became clear that I needed a new
POA and will but trying to make the decisions of who could and would handle it
was difficult because the few people I trust are older than me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also became clear that the person I
selected at first wasn’t going to work out so back to the drawing board and
then another redo of all those documents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve said several times in this blog, I don’t mind dying so much as a
long, slow and painful death. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had a
living will done for years that states my desire to not die in a bed depending
on others for the most basic of functions and that still holds true today, if
not more so after caring for mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
not going to be a burden to anyone and let’s face it, when it gets to that point;
there is no quality of life anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
will simply be time to go on my terms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We also have a new problem that the Fed Ex driver, which
is a female, is afraid of dogs, and with Rocky being an outside during the day
kinda dog, she is now refusing to get out of the truck for moms packages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have tried to find a solution and she is
not interested but states that she will stop delivering them if I can’t get
Rocky under control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of all the
deliveries we have coming here she is the only one who has an issue with him,
that I know of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just have to state
again, that if you have any job that takes you to people houses and you are
afraid of dogs… then you are in the wrong job. Period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rocky can tell she doesn’t like him and that
makes him not like her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those of you
who don’t know, Rocky was abandoned by the neighbor’s and I took him in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inside he is the sweet, gentle giant, but
outside he is hell on wheels when it comes to strangers and he will protect the
yard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom asked me did I know this process with her was going
to be as difficult as it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said, oh
yeah because even under normal circumstances things are difficult to complete
on a good day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When dealing with
corporations, accounts, courts and the like… ain’t nothing quick or easy about
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then compound the issues detailed
earlier with mom’s refusal to handle things and you have a pretty good idea of
the magnitude of things and the time to get them handled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom has told a few people that I have done a
stand up job of getting things done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I haven’t dealt with our house and it still looks like a hurricane went through
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whew, it wears me out just thinking
about it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seems pleased that I have
saved her some money from rolling her phone account into mine to negotiating
her security contract buy out for early termination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we go to the store, we all try to make
our money go as far as possible and that isn’t going to change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some of our aunts have tried to call mom several times
and they haven’t been able to reach her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She has good moments and bad ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hospice is still trying to get her medications leveled out and recently
they took her off one of the anxiety drugs that she had been using off and on
for many years and switched her to another one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That one has made her sleep A LOT over the last 4 days and when a nurse
was here on Friday I asked is this normal?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They said that until the drug got into her system enough to stabilize her
anxiety that causes her to shake uncontrollably, she would sleep more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hummm. Well it is hard to get mom awake to
eat, use the bathroom and take her other medications but we are making it
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our Aunts have been calling me
now since mom is not answering her phone and it’s so very good to hear from
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My cousin mentioned that I may need to hire someone to
help me care for mom and that is a possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One I know nothing about but I better get on it and start doing some
research.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I appreciate that my
employer offers the FMLA, it has a lot of limitations and it only covers a
certain 12 week period of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
know who figured you can schedule a death like a doctor’s appointment but that’s
the way it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got other
responsibilities that need to be taken care of in my home so I have got to go
back to work and try and balance everything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I’ll be using the old trial and error
method as I’ve done so many times before.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">10/02</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s been a quiet few days because mom is sleeping more
and more. At first I thought it was the
new anxiety medication the hospice nurses had switched her to but after one
came yesterday, I’m not sure at all.
Mom’s bed sore isn’t healing, so we got her an air mattress that moves. It feels like there are pool noodles that
change positions every so often to relieve the pressure on her body but she has
also developed a large blister on her heel.
I don’t know why because we have been keeping her turned on her side to
help the sore on her back. Mom’s feet
swell a lot but now her hands and a few places on her face are swelling too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I then decided to scale back the new anxiety medication
to every 12 hours instead of 8 to see of that was the problem. It helped some but now the nurse wants to up
her methadone to a full tablet instead of a half and cut the morphine to every
4 hours. So we are trying that and going
back to the 8 hour schedule for the anxiety medication. If the nurses can’t tell if mom’s decline in
the last week is due to the changes in all the medications or whether it’s a
natural progression of the end… then I sure as hell don’t know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom gets fixated on small things and can’t seem to focus
on anything else around her. When she
does get up to potty it takes an hour minimum to get that done but sometimes it
takes as much as an hour and 45 minutes.
There is this process she has to go through and it is almost OCD at this
point. She is wearing depends now in
case she can’t hold it and that in itself is another ball game altogether. I’ve told mom every day that I am trying to
get back to some semblance of a routine before trying to go back to work. She isn’t really happy with that when she is
lucid enough to understand. At 9 pm, I
try and motivate her to the potty in the hopes of going to bed at 10 pm. Most nights she simply won’t start to go
until 10 pm, so I have changed the clocks she looks at so they read an hour
later than it actually is. Maybe this
will help? When the time changes in
about a month I’ll evaluate whether to change it or just let them show 2 hours
ahead of the rest of the house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I think mom understands she is dying but not the process
of it and what it’s actually is doing with her body. She is talking less and less now but using
hand gestures that I’m having to decipher.
They don’t always make sense.
When she is awake I keep the TV on and we have been watching old
episodes on Unsolved Mysteries. It helps
keep her mind from circling around those top 10 issues and a little with some
of the OCD things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Over the next week and a half I still have several things
that need to be wrapped up. Most of them
are things I have put off like finishing my own paperwork, transferring mom’s
final arrangements to a local funeral home because it’s easier, filing all the
paperwork at the courthouse and cleaning the house. If I can get this stuff done, it will be a
load off my mind. I think I will message
Tiffany and see if she will come and sit with mom a few hours on the weekends
after I return to work… if I can. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/10/mamas-gone.html" target="_blank">Mama's Gone </a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<br /></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-41837177373882370792019-09-15T14:24:00.002-04:002019-10-04T18:30:38.568-04:00Emotional Roller Coaster<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s Saturday the 14<sup>th</sup> and I just published
the previous post about the timeline of events.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While this one will pick up where I left off somewhat, it is more of a
record of conversations and emotions that were and are running through both
moms and my heads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have to go back to
the second weekend and the four days I spent in Chester packing up mom’s things
for the move to get to the heart of other matters that have been a sticking
point in our relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">First of all I’d like to take full responsibility for not
seeing and understanding just how far downhill mom had gotten over the last few
years and the last six months in particularly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know I should have made more of an effort to go see her and even
though most of us have bills to pay and lives to live, it was no excuse for me
not to visit more often and see where she was physically, mentally and
emotionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I saw her the first
time since February, I was shocked to say the least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had lost so much weight she was skeletal
and her hair stood up on end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Secondly
after the fallout in 2012 when I finally let out what I had held in for so very
long, I distanced myself from her because I knew she was unable to bend in any
other direction than the one she had been leaning toward most of my adult life,
especially when dad was dying because I just couldn’t handle both at the same
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was I wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Why am I writing today instead of getting up to finish
the multitude of task that needs to be addressed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I need a day off where taking care of
mom is all I have to do and my body and brain said today is that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are both on overload and playing catch
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I want to get as much of these
times down so I can remember them and specific events if it’s ever needed for
whatever reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s another surreal
time and I understand that as time moves on, things will fade or blur
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time with mom has been
good for us both and taking care of her has helped me feel closer to her than I
have since I was the child that needed to be taken care of. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never thought I say or write that sentence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The second weekend which is Tuesday and Wednesday for me,
mom and I talked about other stuff while going through some old pictures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of them I’d never seen before like the
one of her in a prom dress playing a piano.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was never mentioned that she knew how to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I’d come across a photo of her I’d ask
when it was taken, she would barely look at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m sure some of the memories were difficult if not painful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the others were so interesting like
seeing my granddad in 50’s clothes looking cool with his short sleeves rolled
up in front of cool 50’s cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In every
picture he looked happy and laid back while grandma looked stern and serious
most of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The difference was
noticed throughout the years in the pictures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom and I spent about 3 hours off and on looking at them while I sorted
the ones I’d like to keep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She threw a
lot away that were of people I didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was like she was separating herself from the stuff as well as
memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On the first and second weekend mom was able to move from
the bed and go to the bathroom by herself although she was wobbly
sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was still trying to find
someone to come in to help her and work the hours that she wanted them to work
but told me she wasn’t having luck with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was hard for her to get started in the morning and that’s when she
struggles the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she slept more
than 2 hours or when she needed the morphine to help her breathe, it took a
while for her to get going again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
best metaphor I can come up with is it’s like driving a stick shift where the
clutch is going out and you have to push or roll it to get it started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The longer you have to do that the harder it
is to get it started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I was seriously hoping she could find someone to come and
stay with her while I tried to figure out just what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had finished the first POA and had Tiffany
sign it when she picked it up from my job one morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t even recognize her at first because
it had been over 10 years since I’d seen her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She seemed like she was still the sweet young girl who had grown into a
young women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hugged and she offered
to help any way she could but there wasn’t much she could do
realistically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew Tiffany didn’t
want the job of caring for an ailing elderly person and when I had first
messaged her about her being listed second after Billy, she stated that she’d
prefer it that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t blame her a
bit about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this is difficult
because I already knew that I would be the one who cared for her in her last
days, even if I didn’t want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being an
adult means doing many things that you don’t want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After Tiffany returned the documents to me I
sent them to Billy to be signed with notes on where and paid for it to be
overnighted in the hopes that I could get them back before my next trip to
Chester.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They never came back to me so
those papers were never filed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Linda, the lady helping mom had sent me numerous text
messages over that last week about how stubborn mom was and started telling me
that Tiffany shouldn’t be the POA or the recipient of a large portion of mom’s
estate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to tell Linda that
things are what they are with mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t ask her to advocate for me with my mom because I knew that she wasn’t
going to listen to anyone else, especially when they try and tell her what to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got it honestly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When mom told Linda that I knew about her
naming Tiffany as POA, she also said I took it well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did because I am not arguing about anything
with mom anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no point and
with her being so close to the end, why make it even harder for either of us
than it already is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thought I
had about it was did mom really think so little of me that she was willing to
give so much to someone outside of the family in the slim hope that this person
would be there for her in the end?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If so
it would all come out one way or another and then I would just move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Linda also kept telling me that she was mad
the neither Billy or Tiffany encouraged mom to talk to me or even contact me to
tell me what was being done at that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m sure mom asked them not to and even if she didn’t Billy doesn’t care
enough and it really wasn’t Tiffany’s place to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So all this was going through my mind as to how am I going to care for
mom with my hands tied behind my back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
called mom almost every day to check on her and see if she needed me to bring
anything when I came.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She actually took
my calls now, even if they were just for a few minutes at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So that was what on my mind as I left on Tuesday to begin
the packing to move her here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I
arrived and began the packing I’d have to stop and help mom go to the bathroom
which was now located next to her bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>During those times she would talk about or ask about things and she
finally asked if I had got the POA done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told her I had sent it to Billy the same day Tiffany brought it back,
but I haven’t received it back from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was my opening where I suggested that she think about things as
they were at this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her Trey
was our center and his death affected our whole immediate family to the
core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With Tiffany being Trey’s friend
it was different in the way of his and Danny’s deaths were more of an event
because eventually they would move on with their lives as they should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That lifetime of grief was ours to bear and
not theirs although I’ve always hoped that Trey would be remembered often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was another reason I didn’t keep in touch
with a lot of those kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I also told her that Tiffany really doesn’t want to do it
because it’s a lot of work for someone her age who hasn’t had to deal with
anything like that before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I
suggested that she make Billy her executor of the will because it made the most
sense because they co-own grandma’s house, her will is still not completely
finished with probate, he’s been through the process recently so he had a
better handle on it than I would and he could afford to take the time off from
work easier than I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After making
these suggestions, I left the matter alone and continued the packing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But before I continue I would like to state a
couple of things for the record.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
not that altruistic and understand that money is needed to live in this
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While it is important, it is not
all there is to and in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not
taking care of mom because I expect anything in return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I am in fact taking care of her for a selfish reason but
I’m not sure some of you would understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have felt like this small pocket of family has been cursed and that
feeling has grown stronger as the years have gone by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe, just maybe, by me taking on the role
of caregiver for both of my parents that will help end this cycle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have read where trauma is inherited in our
DNA and if it is passed down through each generation then it is clearly going
to end when it’s my time to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
can only hope that my trying to help them have some kind of peace before they
go on to where ever it is they need to go, will help me learn lessons I must
have needed in this lifetime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other
words if we do reincarnate I don’t want to have to relive this life again
because of lessons not learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
stated a few times in this blog that I have made as much peace with the past as
I can but will tell you again, it is a process and sometimes you can find the
end of that process without even trying as I did during this time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve talked about moms top 10 issues that circle in her
head in the previous post and some of her physical condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I firmly believe there is a solid connection
between the two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As her health is
failing so is her consciousness in the way it looks like it is collapsing on
itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She repeats herself a lot
because she does forget things easily but we have had several conversations
where she was lucid and finally as open as she can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me I was going to be mad at her when
she told me about how much she left Tiffany and I told her I wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is what it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom then told me to redo both the POA and the
will but to burn the first one without opening it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I did open it and wasn’t surprised but
I did burn it as requested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked her
why did she set up the old papers in this way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She responded that we were fighting and she was mad but I think as
stated earlier in the first post she was hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I understand that because I have been hurt by her for many years
although I don’t think she believes that I can be hurt by words, actions or
inactions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I contacted Billy by FB messenger with the following note
on Saturday the 7<sup>th</sup> after speaking with my cousin about the
situations since so many were going on at one time:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom said she wanted you to come and talk about what to do
with the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't know when or
even if you are coming but I wanted you to know that the neighbor has made a
mess of the garage, the house needs to be finished as to the cleaning out and
her bills transferred so I can get them paid. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot do any more about the house at this
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I am there on Tuesday, I will
get all the food out of the fridge and freezer in the house so it doesn't start
to smell and attract bugs or vermin when and if the power is cut off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The outside freezer still has food in
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh and Aunt S would like the
mattress and or whole bed in Grandma's room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know about mom’s first will and I don't know why she
couldn't have understood that Tiffany was not there for her over the last 10
years or so as she maybe told her she would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I asked mom why she waited so long to tell me what was going on and she
said she didn't want to bother me with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tiffany is not here now and I have known my whole life that this would
play out exactly as it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am scrambling
to get things done last minute and feel like I am running out of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I will tell you that no matter the differences between
mom and me I cannot let her die scared and alone depending on strangers that
were quite possibly taking advantage of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I've applied for FMLA which is unpaid and I'm trying to figure out how
to make this all work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our cousin and I
have been talking a lot about the whole situation and she is willing to help
when she can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have any questions
call me at #.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>End note to Billy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For days I did not hear from him and that is par for the
course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom had talked about this
several times and gets agitated when she does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So that is the evening when we sat down and I asked her what she wanted
to do in regards to the POA and the will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She told me with tears in her eyes that she was eternally grateful for
me taking her in and that she has always loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I was a brat. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stated she wanted me to handle everything
and to do the will where I am the executor because she understood she couldn’t
wait on Billy after I told her I hadn’t heard anything back from him and knew
he had seen the message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s when she
told me she had given Tiffany her old GNC Envoy and most of her jewelry as well
as money over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom then said
she wanted to make sure that I would inherit the estate but while I was typing
it up, I told mom I left Tiffany a little money and her friend in Chester a
little too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was okay with both of
those decisions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So with all the
paperwork signed the work was just beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On Wednesday through today I have been trying to get mom
stabilized by keeping her meds on schedule, food in her tummy and just being
there when she is shaking so bad she can’t even hold the nebulizer cup
steady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just being close to her to let
her know she isn’t alone seems to help with her anxiety and I let her talk even
if she is repeating herself many times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It seems to calm her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can sit
with her, rub her back and let her lean on me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know she is scared, relieved to have people
around her now and she has given up the control that she held onto tightly for
many, many years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, just
sometimes when you give up control, you may find what you’ve been searching
for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One thing on mom’s repeat list is she doesn’t understand
why her mom didn’t help her out with a little money over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know I have no answer to that question
but as history repeated itself I needed to understand why it was also done to
me hence, reading books and writing this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Another question on repeat is how she felt berated in private and yet
heard her mom praise her to outsiders and she never could understand why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was an easier answer which I knew for a
very long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandma’s way of life
was based on the pretense that her life was just dandy, when it was any and
everything but.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I explained to mom that
the Church was the absolute most important thing to her and so Grandma had to
make people believe that she followed all the guidelines that were set forth by
the bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I highly doubt that she did
but that’s between her and God. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grandma’s
priorities were Church first, God second and family last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that depended on the family because some
of us didn’t even make that cut. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom
stated many years ago that I hated her (my grandma) but that wasn’t true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had just stopped caring after a time one way or
the other because it wasn’t returned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One of my biggest issues with this family growing up is
the secrets and lies that were lived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
one wanted to talk about anything openly and I just couldn’t figure out why as
a kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I did do was live my life
the opposite and let everything hang out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was and am so tired of secrets, pretense, tension, control,
manipulation, apathy and most importantly the lack of real love and affection
between many of the members. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s why I
looked for a family that wasn’t blood and can see the effects of the damage
that had started way before I was born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could see it in mom’s expressions in the old photos as well as dads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But knowing about their past hurts didn’t
help me help them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know how and
I still don’t although I am trying.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom always said that she was outspoken and it was a
problem for Grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have found that
mom is out spoken when it is one on one and she is talking about another person
but she has never been able to tell the person directly what her real issues are
with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it was just to get it
off her chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do tell the people I
have cared about the real issues in an effort to find a solution, compromise or
at the very least give them an opening to talk to me about what they are really
feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I have learned that even
that approach has rarely worked because people have a hard time being honest
with themselves much less others, in this world opening up means that you have
to be willing to be vulnerable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It means
taking the chance to clear the air even if you get burned and I can tell you I
have been burned many times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still try
when it is necessary because I want to have close connections to the ones I
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess that’s why when the girl
who called herself my best friend revealed her true self just when all this
started happening, made me see that this wasn’t a connection that I wanted in
life and the hurt was something else I would have to deal with at a later date.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But back to mom I found some of the
letters I had written to both her and grandma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She told me to burn them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told
her that even if I was wrong writing or saying those things it was still
real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had already written about them
in this blog and am not ashamed of what I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am saddened that I had to say them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The same repeat question goes for Billy but she flat out stated
that he just doesn’t care about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
agreed but will tell each of you this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Billy actually responded to my message on Thursday the 12<sup>th</sup>
stating he was coming to talk to mom on Friday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mom had said he was coming but I wasn’t going to believe it until he
actually showed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was shocked that
he sent the message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So Friday came and
poor Walter had to go back to the vet to get the stitches removed early in the
morning and I was trying to give mom enough time to get steady, aware and
stable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also wanted to get some stuff
done before he arrived to our humble abode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had planned on running errands while he was here but the vet hadn’t
called to give me a time frame as to when I could pick up Walter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Billy arrived about 1:00 pm and sat to listen to
mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She repeated a lot of what was
covered with a few extra’s that she had written down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing was the possibility of selling
grandma’s house to the neighbors that were granddad’s nephew and wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just have a hard time thinking about it
being sold at all or sitting empty but selling it to them for a loss is the
best compromise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would still be kept
in the family and that means more to me than the money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granddad built that house with his own hands
and I do have a few good memories there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It needs an awful lot of work on the foundation, well and septic
systems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked very few questions and
I gave him Linda’s house key in case they had been rekeyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Throughout his short visit he looked terribly
uncomfortable and like he’d rather be any other place on earth but here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much so that even my roommate commented on
it and she had never even met him before that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before I left at 2:30 he asked me only one
question which was about mom’s final arrangements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was told he left shortly after I did but before I left him I said,
“Until the next time.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least he came
to see her before she ran out of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She could now feel like she has passed the burdens off to both of us and
maybe let a few of those worries go?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom’s visit with Billy wore her out and she slept longer
that night than she had since she has been here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has said several times that this house
had changed so much that it was easier to be here than she thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The memories of Trey will always be deeply
painful to think about much less feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And for some odd reason mom had thought I had hocked all my jewelry over
the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why other than
shortly before Trey died, I had bought a very nice bracelet and matching
earrings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only wore the earrings once
and the reason I bought them when I am not a big jewelry person was… I wanted
to have something nice to be able to leave Trey for when and if he ever got
married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could give it to his
wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to sell those pieces when I
first moved in with dad because I had spent the rest on this house for dad. Mom
was still saddened and angry that Billy had lost grandma’s wedding set.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was hoping that he would have given them
to his daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But anyway I broke out
all the jewelry and showed it to mom so she could see that I still had it
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the pieces she had given me
when I was much younger and the only real value was sentimental.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also looked through the little she had
left and was surprised that several pieces were missing like her class ring and
dad’s wedding band. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I never found
mom’s small handgun that she had kept for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she didn’t want to talk about when I
was packing her things. Mom also asked about jars of quarters the were in a hope chest. There were no jars. When I told her she said that they must of been stolen along with several other things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As for Linda the helper, I still received numerous text
messages from her until today and she seems to be digging into the financial
matters hard and heavy while telling me that I need to do this or that and to
watch out for Billy and Tiffany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked
her to please just stop then thought about it for a minute and blocked her
number as well as on FB.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not
interested in that or dealing with her when she seems far more interested in
money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She texted like she was instrumental
in getting mom and me back together but that is not the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It either was going to happen on our terms or
it wasn’t going to happen. She also brought up something about a medical bill that was over due about her shoulder and claimed she was the only one there for mom while leaving family functions. Then asked where was I? In the previous post I stated that she came by to get clothes but cleaned out moms closet and searched the house for anything else that she wanted but most of it was already long gone by that point. While I was watching this I told her the clothes were okay but nothing else from the house was to be touched and made sure she gave me her key back. I hope she doesn't have a copy. Mom was informed of most of the above text but I can honestly say she cared even less than I did. We are both tired and need a break from opportunistic people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As moms world becomes smaller and tighter as she is
confined to the bed and the potty, her main focus is just trying to survive and
breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the nurses explained it
to me as we were talking about the differences between dad’s lung cancer and
mom’s COPD outside the house one afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dad’s was acute which meant that he maintained for a while, then when
his body just couldn’t maintain any longer he slid downhill so fast and then he
was gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom’s is chronic and her
decline will be gradual until she hits the point where she can’t hold on any
longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She isn’t interested in much
these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She doesn’t want to watch
TV, she doesn’t even wear her glasses to read because she thinks she needs
something called Yag surgery for her eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve offered to set her in the chair walker and push her to see the rest
of the house and the answer is always not today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s breaking my heart to see this once
strong, crazy ass woman so weak and fragile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am still trying to process that the last of my immediate family is not
going to be here for much longer and then it will be just me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have always loved mom even though our relationship has
been a struggle my whole life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I hadn’t
loved her, I would have walked away when I was 16 and never looked back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I struggled with it even when we were not
speaking because I had always had hope that one day she could let go of the
control and the hurts that were caused by the family before I was born to focus
on the here and now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a lesson to
many that if you are focused on the past, not to heal the old wounds but to
relive them over and over, that you will miss what is present and right in
front of you the whole time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life goes
on whether you participate or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
the little things that can build better memories if you let them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end it’s all we can take with us when
we leave this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom has told me a
few times now that she should have done this sooner not just to make it easier
on us both, but because we could have had more quality time together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s not wrong and maybe, just maybe this is
one lesson that she can say she learned whenever she crosses over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/09/peace-love-and-happiness-or-not.html" target="_blank">Peace, love and happiness… or not.</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-36118130579326427272019-09-14T12:00:00.001-04:002019-10-04T18:02:19.770-04:00Hurricanes of Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today is 9/4/19 and we have entered another hurricane
season with the latest one named Dorian that is hitting Florida and projected
to continue up the North Carolina coast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s fitting that the weather seems to be a metaphor for the things that
are happening in my life at the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The bright side is that like a hurricane, once it blows through then we
can step back and access the damage and hopefully move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it depends on the damage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The last two weeks have been an adjustment to the multitude
of changes and then trying to digest the ones to come.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I’ve stated several times in this blog that
the moment I’ve dreaded all my life for reasons to be described later in this
post has arrived.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">This weekend is my
third one at my mom’s and I am packing her up to move back into the house with
me while trying to transfer her hospice care between states.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">To say I am unprepared would be the
understatement of the century.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I mean, I did understand that she was in hospice and knew
exactly what it meant even if I didn’t have a clear time line.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I knew she was struggling to find people to
come help her and I even knew why.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Mom
can be a very demanding person and during this stage of her life all the
filters are off.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Combined with everything
else the fact that her step brother is as removed from the situation as he can
possibly be so there would be no relief from that direction, much less getting
him to answer the barest of questions.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It was only a matter of time.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">On the previous Thursday I had taken my foster dog to the
vet for his final surgery to have his tail amputated which would allow him to
be off his medical hold once he had completely healed.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I can’t say Walter is an easy dog to deal
with even on a good day because he was not treated well in his previous life
before rescue but I have worked very hard to gain his trust over the last 5
months and he has come a very long way.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">So as I left work on my lunch break to pick him up from the vet and was
trying to figure out how to get him in the house with as little stress on him
as possible, I got the phone call from mom I had been waiting for right as I
pulled into the driveway.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There had been several text messages earlier in the day, from
her current helper, about the things that were going on in Chester which needed
to be addressed. Linda had a definite
opinion that Tiffany and I should have already applied for FMLA and came to
Chester to care for mom among other things.
She did not understand the scope or magnitude of this endeavor nor the
reasons why things were as they were. I
mean how could she understand when we didn’t know each other and she had only
heard mom’s side of the story where I am sure there were gaping holes along
with a lot of questionable decisions. Linda
had texted me about her conversation with mom that day and said she was
advocating for me in regards to mom’s will and POA, although I didn’t ask her
to. So as I got a board from dad’s shop to make a bridge from the car to the
porch to make it easy for Walter to get in the house, I answered the phone call
from mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I asked her what was going on so she could tell me in her
own words and when that didn’t quite cover the elephant in the room because she
only asked that I take off Thursday and Friday in addition to my normal Tuesday
and Wednesday, I hesitated. Walter had
decided that he was going to follow the trail of treats and move along the
bridge towards the house at this time.
Once he was inside, I told mom that it was clear that things were at a
critical point and that it was time to make a decision. That decision was if she needed and/or wanted
more help from me that it would be best for all parties involved for her to
come home. She agreed. So as I am driving back to work I am trying
to process all that is happening and all that needs to be done in a short
period of time. And after returning to work and finding that most of the work
was taken care of, I made a call to Tiffany and was told that she just got off
the phone with mom herself. She also
agreed it was best for mom to move back in with me although I must state for
the record, it was easier for her to agree because she wouldn’t be the one who
had to take care of things even if she did hold the POA at that moment in time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And before I continue the timeline of events I will
address the reason I’ve dreaded this moment my entire life. I’ve felt that my mom has had this
expectation of being cared for in the manner she desires for most of my life. It was not something I ever felt with dad and
for some reason that made it easier to do just that for him in his final
days. I knew that mom’s lack of making
any meaningful decisions would entail a lot of scrambling at the last minute to
get things in order and it is happening just as I imagined. I am not surprised, angry or even
resentful. I’m just resigned to the fact
that I can’t let mom die alone and that it has been made as difficult as
possible to handle everything at once.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I also have a rather large issue of being lied to and used.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It has seemed to me like mom has been playing
a game most of my adult life and I don’t know the rules but to be honest, even
if I did, I probably wouldn’t have followed them.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The rules were for her benefit and rarely
others.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">There was always a lot of
talking and questions but very little real honest answers or meaningful actions.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Sometimes mom could be incredibly kind but I
learned that for every kindness there were strings attached. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I will elaborate on this later but for now I
want to get the timeline of events down for a few reasons.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">So as I got home from work that evening I told my roommate and her son,
detailed what I could about the situation, informed them that her son was going
to have to deal with his own cats because I would also be bringing mom’s cat
with us and that he will need to be out of the house by the end of the year. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">He was slated to leave by the end of Sept. but
I extended his stay for his mom while I was traveling back and forth to
Chester.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The next day was Friday and I
had to call and start the transfer between hospices, make arrangements to be
off work for the two extra days and start the move.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">All the while I was getting sick with a cold
someone was nice enough to share.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">After many phone calls and shuffling things around at
home and work, on the Monday before leaving for Chester I tried to savor the
last quiet night I would have for a long time.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">But it was hard because I knew what lay ahead and just the thought of how
much work needed to be done in such a short time was overwhelming, even for me
who is used to working long hours.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">On
Tuesday, I arrived early enough to get a jump on things and started going
through moms things to see what she would need because we could and would only
be taking the barest of necessities.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">This went on through Thursday morning in between taking care of her.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The pump for the well had stated to run continuously
and was churning up mud through the faucets.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She called her plumber and he changed the filter which would give us
enough time to get her out of the house.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Mom had gone downhill so fast at that point that she needed help with
the smallest of task.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">A few people came
to tell her goodbye and she gifted them with a few things she knew she would
never use again.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The cars were packed
and stacked with everything that was important to her and me such as pictures
and mementos with a little left to be gotten on the last return trip.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Linda came by and helped me get her oxygen
right as there were 3 different tanks to be juggled and we got her to the car.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I was pushing mom physically and mentally and
could see that it was so very hard for her.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The ride took about an hour and a half and she was pretty quiet while
she just looked at the scenery, such as it was, on the way home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I had asked my roommate’s son to move the dining table,
grab a small table from dad’s shop and take care of the delivery people who
would be bringing the hospice bed and other equipment to be set up before we
got home on Thursday.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It took a while to
get her out of the truck, stuff unloaded and set up for the night.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I had ordered some plastic shelves, quilts to
go over the back of them to give mom some privacy and some sheets for the
bed.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">None of it worked so I had to go to
Walmart to get the extra long sheets on Friday morning and would have to return
the other stuff later.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Then the hospice admissions nurse Brenda came on Friday
and we got some of the admissions out of the way, more supplies ordered and
more of her stuff set up.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It was time
for mom to have a bath because I was getting the clean new sheets on her bed
and who knows when the last time was she felt water on her skin.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I know she refused the baths with the aide when
she came but I wasn’t taking no for an answer.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Her skin was flaking off and although she was trying to keep herself
clean with wet rags I know it wasn’t doing the job.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">So off we went stumbling to the tub and that
took about an hour and a half.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She was
worn slap out after all this.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I had to work the next 3 days and Saturday evening I had finished
most of the paperwork with both of our new POA’s and wills.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Reading became difficult with the words blurring
and after a 12 hour day on Sunday, I was so exhausted I couldn’t even think
about the next big undertaking I had to do on Tuesday.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">My dear cousin came over on Monday night and
helped me get all the paperwork done while she visited with mom.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">My cousin asked me a question I have rarely
been asked during my life from a family member and that was, “How can I help.”</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">While there was little she could have done at
that moment, it meant the world to me that she would ask.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Also all during this time I was relying on my
dear roommate to help mom and the dogs the best she could and she did a stand
up job being as she is 70 years old with her own health problems.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I couldn’t have done it without her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Tuesday, I left for Chester early at 6:00 am with my
roommates son so he could drive her car home, cleaned out the fridge and
freezers, packed the rest of the stuff, unhooked all the internet, tv equipment
and scheduled the pickup of the hospice equipment.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Then I left for the courthouse to file the
first of the paperwork and to drop off the POA’s at the bank, came back to the
house to get a tank for hospice, let Linda pick up some clothes but she ended up cleaning out moms closet while searching throughout the house for anything else she could take and leave some
stuff the neighbors would need to send mom’s mail.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Then on the drive home I had to get Walters
meds, stop by the other credit union and wanted to finish one more errand before
going to work to talk to the managers but traffic was so bad I just skipped it.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">During the drive home I had time to think and
evaluate this situation and I came to the conclusion that I had to go ahead and
start the FMLA immediately because I wouldn’t be able to get a handle on all of
this while trying to work too.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It was
just too much, even for me. My roommate was exhausted, the dogs where all out
of sorts with all the changes and the house started to look like an episode of
hoarders with all the stuff piled up everywhere.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I made it home at 3:00 pm just as the nurse was knocking at the door.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Her name was Heather and she spent a good
quality hour and a half with mom and me.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She answered all the questions my brain could think of at the time and I
felt that the care given was so much better than what she was receiving in
SC.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">After getting up at 4:00 am that day
I crashed about 10:00 pm. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Wednesday
through Saturday was a blur of taking care of mom’s needs, getting her meds
under control and understood as well as so many different people coming and going
from the social worker, the Chaplin, nurses and aides.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Then I had to go through the mountain of
paperwork that was piled around my desk.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">So many things needed to be closed out by long distance and I was
relying on her other neighbors who are also family on my Granddad’s side to
help with what was left.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I’ll be forever
grateful to them for that and the kindness they showed mom.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The paperwork for the FMLA is not really that difficult
but most of it needed to be filled out by the hospice Doctor and then sent to
the HR department at work.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">One
stipulation is that I must call work every day until the paper work is
processed because I clearly don’t have enough to do already.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">While it may be sudden the key people who
needed to know, knew from the beginning that this was going to happen sooner or
later.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">It just happened sooner than we
imagined.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">One of the managers went above
and beyond to help me get this together and again I will be forever grateful
for her help.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">At this time the plan is
to take about a month of FMLA time to access the situation, try to stabilize
mom’s health and wrap up as much of her stuff as I can in between.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I hope to return after a month and then have
work on stand-by as her condition progresses to the point where I have time to
be with her in the end.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">We shall see.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">As for mom’s needs, she has to pee a lot and was having
trouble pooping so we were up and down with her all the time.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">She would sit on the bedside potty for as
long as an hour at a time.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Her morphine
needs to be given every 2 hours to help open her lungs and the Xanax every 6
hours to help with the shakes and anxiety along with steroids, stool softeners
and her hormones which she still wanted to take.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">We were trying to get her to eat and find
something that she could and would get down.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">Her memory wasn’t doing well and hadn’t been for a while now that I’ve
had time to look at her notes that were written over and over again.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">The next post will detail more about that and
the emotional roller coaster we both have been riding for some time.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">But for now I will leave you with a little plea for
anyone who has not started or completed making arrangements for those final
days that sometime come sooner rather than later.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">If you have read this post, then you know not only how hard it will be
for you, but how hard it will be for the ones you love or want to care for you,
so please start making these decisions as early as possible.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;">I understand that it may be difficult to face
your own mortality or even the overwhelming amount of work but I can promise
you that it will be worth it in the end for everyone that loves you.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/09/emotional-roller-coaster.html" target="_blank">Emotional Roller Coaster</a></span></div>
<br /></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-35830383659025994232019-09-02T22:04:00.000-04:002019-09-02T22:04:02.344-04:00PUP of 2013 Another Breaking Point<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hello <span style="font-size: small;">everyone! I want to thank each and every one of you who have taken the time to read through my blog. With all the darkn<span style="font-size: small;">ess<span style="font-size: small;">, mistakes and my just trying to work out real life situations in my own<span style="font-size: small;"> head and heart. I do hope that if you've read from the first, you can tell that I am getting better at writing clear<span style="font-size: small;">e<span style="font-size: small;">r, explaining the events with a better understanding and reco<span style="font-size: small;">gnize <span style="font-size: small;">as I learn more about my<span style="font-size: small;">self and relationships<span style="font-size: small;">. Practice really does make all the difference in the world<span style="font-size: small;">. I do have to go back and revisit the past when more information becomes available <span style="font-size: small;">because I want to find the truth of the matter<span style="font-size: small;"> and if I'm wrong I will tell you and my real life friends will tell me I am wrong. However I don't bother with telling p<span style="font-size: small;">eople I'm right because not only is there no point in it, I am still learning and know my thoughts and opinions can change in an instant depending on the facts that are uncovered as I go along this <span style="font-size: small;">journey</span>. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">This previously unpublished post (PUP) was started just after Mother's Day 2013 and left in rough draft form but can't be published for a long while. The reasons will be clear toward the end so bare with me once again... if you would. As for Mother's Day it was another hard day to get through as you may have guessed and I thought I was doing fine until a fr<span style="font-size: small;">iend of mine gave me a hug the day before and said they understood. Then I kin<span style="font-size: small;">d of te<span style="font-size: small;">ared up but quickly got my thoughts back to the present while remembering some of the good times with Trey. Like the year he gave me and mom a used Valentine<span style="font-size: small;">'s kiddie card <span style="font-size: small;">for <span style="font-size: small;">Mother's Day or another year a little key chain from the Dollar Store that said Greatest Mom In The World... which as you know, I feel so far from that... but it still means so very much to me that he gave it to me along with a <span style="font-size: small;">big hu<span style="font-size: small;">g. Those hugs will always be what I miss the most. I still have a hard time writing about Trey and all the feelings that come at random moments whether they are good or sad so more on that in another post.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">For this one I want to finish the stories I have written about with the various people in my life because it's time I put some of these feelings to bed and move on to more important ones in the coming future. So to catch up I'll start with my mother. When I wrote this post I was trying to be light hearted about the whole thing but after our beach trip in September 2012, things got deep and even more difficult. I was so very tired of her asking me what I would have done if I had to raise Trey on my own because she didn't like the same answer I usually gave her. The answer was I would have done whatever it took to do it but it would have been better for us all if you would have helped instead of just keeping him. I told her that it was her way of not having to make a decision about her own life while trying to hold on to that control that was her ever present problem. That started a fight while we were there and it continued after we got home. So I sat down and wrote her a letter in clear terms but she stated that she didn't understand. I think she understood perfectly but didn't like what I said. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">So let's start off with the fact that mom doesn't breathe too well with all her conditions. I tried to get her to rent one of those scooter that would allow her to move freely but she would not even consider the idea. I didn't understand why I paid for a hotel at the beach if she just wanted to see me then we could have rented a cheaper one at the halfway point between our homes and I wouldn't have wasted so much money or time. In fact she still believes that this was the sole problem I had but it was just one more example of how she has given up taking responsibility for her self and actions. So here is the conversation written through FB so I could have a record and my words couldn't be changed or forgotten:</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mom: </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I apology about the beach trip, I'm just not able to go very much
because of the breathing problem, but I did enjoy the time together.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Me: </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's okay...really.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mom: I don't really think so. You made it quite clear that you didn't want to
go anywhere with me since I couldn't do some of the things you wanted
to do. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Me: </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom it is
really simple. You have to know AND work around your limitations which
is something you're not willing to do. I can't help that but I can make
a decision to not be in that situation again.</span><br />
<div class="_3hi clearfix">
<div class="_1yr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_2oy"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So it is okay, either way... really.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A few weeks later when I was telling my mother by phone about the situation with my roommate Scott and that I was going to start the process of moving out of there into an RV, the first thing she said was "I want all the money you have of mine in your savings." I asked her was that all she could think about because I really needed to talk with someone who cared about what was going on. Which was my mistake because that person is not ever going to be my mother. I told her that I was tired of looking to her for any help whether it be emotional support or giving me a place to stay for a few months until I got my stuff together or even to come stay with me while I was in my own home. She stated that she was living in my grandmothers home and that my grandmother had said no about me staying there. Whether she asked or not is still a question but it isn't important because she made it clear that she would not help me in any way any longer. She was fine and that's what was important to her. I was hurt but it was my own damn fault for even asking because I knew the answer would be... you are on your own because that's the only answer she has ever had for me. So to resume the written conversation:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Me: I will transfer the money in your account by the end of the week... good luck!</span><br />
<div class="_3hi clearfix">
<div class="_1yr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="_2oy"></span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">PS I will also go handle my part of Trey's bonds and will send you the rest of the info so you can do it on your own time...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom, despite what you may think, I've been semi listening to you for
years. I've been waiting for you to figure out some things on your own
but it doesn't seem like that's happening. Instead you are still
telling yourself and others what you want to hear, see or feel but in
reality it is far from the truth. I learned a long time ago that truth
is not only subjective to each individual person but I also saw that
there IS an objective truth that is or can be seen from several others,
based on real facts or evidence. In others words what is true for you is
not true for everyone... most especially me. I also noticed that you
have a very selective memory when it come to the past where I'm
concerned. I'm not talking about just forgetting a bit here and there I
mean you've rewrote the past instead of learning from it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don't know how else to say this except to just lay it all out. I've
learned to tune out the words that people say and watch their actions.
Over the years though I've noticed that you asked the question "What
about me?" over and over again, no matter what the conversations are
about. In fact as far back as I can remember that has been your number
one concern... yourself. My growing up years were all about what you
wanted, needed, thought, believed or cared about. I learned early that
what I needed was never really going to be important to you because your
were unable or unwilling to care about another persons well being in the
manner that was needed. Now this is not to say that you didn't DO
anything because you did cherry pick what you would do... even if it was
not what was needed and that in the end was just a waste of effort in
my opinion.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As far as you and dad go I understood that it took two people to play
the game and you were 50% responsible for your actions or in this case
inactions to do anything different. And I want to be clear here... I
have failed more in my life time that you but only by default, because I
tried to do more things in and with my life than you. Just the law of
averages. As I have said recently we all make choices and even refusing
to make a decision is a choice in and of itself. I've suspected for a
very long time now that your past decisions haunt you and you are
looking for absolution from me about the past so you can continue
believing that we are best friends. What hasn't occurred to you very
often over the years was I don't want you as a best friend but I had
needed you as my mother which you choose to be unavailable at those
times.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As for your keeping Trey to raise for yourself in that miserable house
you called home... what you can't see is that there was better options
that would have benefited all of us if you were just willing to consider
them... AT THAT TIME. Now is much too late for the constant what if's
that you seem to be stuck on. I can tell you that I was not only mad as
hell at you but I was sick of your constant manipulations, guilt
tripping and never ending complaints on everything that I have tried to
limit my contact with you severely because it drained me of energy. But
the guilt I carried everyday leaving Trey with you without fighting
will be with me to the day I take my last breath. I don't care what you
think I could or couldn't have done back then because the real problem
you face is what would you have done with your life then. And you
apparently have no answers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've also suspected over the years that you were jealous of my freedom
that I earned and have watched as you insert yourself into my friends
lives trying to be their friend too... or maybe you were jealous of the
friendships I was trying to have. I don't know but what I can say is
this... my life was hard and it took a lot of effort on my part to
maintain it. There were times when I was alone, desperate and hurting
that I never shared with you. I also learned not to share anything that
I thought was good and right with you until it was over so that you
could not do anything to derail whatever it was. I know that may hurt
and I also know that you have changed a little over the years but I
still didn't trust you because I have seen with my own two eyes that I
couldn't trust someone who was so clearly lost as you were... and maybe
still are.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think you already know most of this even if you won't admit it to
yourself because you feel the distance between us. It's why you felt
like you had to keep Trey, it's why you felt the need to control so many
things that were not your business to control. It was simply a way of
trying to keep me close to you without having to take a good long look
at your own life and make the necessary changes that would have been...
could have been for the better of us all. I meant what I said about
researching what was wrong with myself and I suggest you do the same. I
learned a lot about family dynamics and so many other useful things
when it comes to piecing together what is the point of existence. The
one thing I did do right was keep on trying to be a better person and
build a better life. I grew up a long time ago because I had to but I
also understand that you must take a chance on life sometimes even if
you fail you can gain knowledge and wisdom for the next attempt. But
knowledge without actions is useless and you don't seem to really
understand this to the very core.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One last thing... please understand that even if I'm wrong on a few
details I've understood much of the things I've stated here for a very
long time and even made peace with it. Until Trey died then it all came
back in a rush because then there was no more time to make things right
on any of our parts. I had to go through the whole process of
forgiveness again but now there is no point in pretending that things
have or even will be rosy between us again... even if I do make you
laugh. That is simply a defense mechanism that I use to keep you from
sucking me into your misery. I know that's harsh and I am sorry I can't
be any softer but it is still the truth. Plain and simple.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The bottom line is you need me far more than I need you because this has
always been a one sided relationship despite me going along with your
pretense all these years. I accepted a long time ago even before Trey
was killed that I would probably be on my own for the rest of my life
with only the support of the few friends that I could make along the
way. I didn't want to be a burden to him and would have never saddled
him with that responsibility because I wanted him to be happy. Well as
much as possible. In fact his happiness was the number one thing that
was important to me whether you believe that or not. It was one of the
reasons I gave him the chance to make his own decisions, even if they
broke my heart. It was something I looked for from you without ever
receiving so much as an encouraging word.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So here we are in present day and I'm dealing with what to do about my
future. Again you don't have this problem because you had a mother who
was able to let you come live with her rent free and so all your
problems have been solved... again with little effort on your part. I
mean I did make the decision and the effort to get you out of dad's so
what was there for you to do? As for me I'm still tired and exhausted
from life but I have to find the effort from within to do what needs to
be done because it's the only choice I have. Life goes on... The whole
point of this is not to hurt your feelings, although I'm sure they may
be hurt, but it was to get you to understand that I'm tired of answering
the same questions over and over again and it's time to focus on now.
Right now. You need to start to plan for your final resting place but
still refuse to do anything about that. If you can't care any more
about things like this or even yourself then please stop expecting me
too. It is and will always be your choice.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom: </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thanks-I'm not quite sure what you think I can do. This not my house. I
have no answer for you. About Trey's bonds we both have to go together.
What about the money market acct? You seem to get pissed when you can't
have your way. I have loaned you money in the past. <u><i>(Only because I showed her my money was tied up in a CD and would be repaid as soon as it matured.)</i></u> When you first
bought the condo you went in the saving acct. with out telling me. <i><u>(I did and was trying to repay the money before she found out. It was wrong of me and I was ashamed of myself.)</u> </i>I
only said to pay me back. I sure you did some of the money but that's
neither here nor there. <i><u>(I repaid every dime because she always kept a running tab and never let me forget it... as if I would.)</u> </i>I also loaned you money before you let the condo
go back. <u><i>(No she did not, my dad did and was repaid completely) </i></u> So don't say I never helped you. By the way your Dad and I
bought your first car. What do you expect from me. If your grandmother
had not let me stay here with her where the hell do you think I was
going to stay. I have no answers for you because I have no answer for
myself, so don't you sit and make judgements about me. As far as I'm
concerned you can cremate me. I have no answers for you. I believe you
still have guilt feelings about not raising Trey. If you want to part
ways, that is your decision. I would appreciate it if you would give me
my part of the money. That is all I have. I sorry you feel that way, but
that is your decision.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Me: As usual you miss the point(s)... but
that okay. I know you can do nothing because that's the way it's been
for a very long time. I am not pissed because I can't have my way...
for that is nothing new... I'm just done trying to make you see and
understand something that is impossible for you to get. REREAD the
entire thing because it addresses ALL your comments completely. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As
for the money I will transfer as much as I can <u><i>(all of hers plus any extra left over from Trey's lawsuit)</i></u> back into your saving
account by the end of the week. I will go to the bank and see what I
can do on my own about Trey's bonds and hopefully I can take care of my
part first.<u><i> (Signing the bonds over to her) </i></u>Then send you the rest with a notarized letter of consent
and other relevant documents. If not I'll let you know.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom: </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I would greatly appreciate it if you would put in to simply language
what you have wrote me. Some of it I do not quite understand. Thanks</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I not quite sure how much money I'm entitled to but That is the one thing I have never not trusted you with my money. Thanks!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will-I'm not exactly sure the way the sentence is worded if you trust me
with your money or not but I have never ever spent any of your money
that you gave to me for Trey's big ticket items except on him. <u><i>(Was never a issue... so I thought)</i></u> I'm very
sorry if you thought I had ever spent any of your money on myself. We do
not have a choice, but go to the bank together. I'm sorry the lady was
very specific that we had to go together. I promise you I will not ever
bother you again when we get this money situation straighten out. You
told me you had put away twenty thousand from Trey's money. Is this
true? I also want my money from the C/U. I want all the money from the
bonds because I always added more money so he would have more money
when his bonds matured.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Me: D</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o you even read or hear what you are saying? Really??? What I see is
your are worried about your money, your money and your money. The
trust I was speaking about is NOT about money nor was is ever. It's
about not trusting you to care about me in any way that is needed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since
I have to tell you this then it will have no value because it should've
been learned on your own... I am human and have made mistakes. I've
taken responsibility for those mistakes and tried to fix them if at all
possible. It's apparently too much too ask for, that you do the same and
read where you'll not bother me again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That clearly says to me
that being right and getting your money is more important than any
relationship we've ever had. You'll have 15k in your account by the end
of the week. I can't promise you too much more than that at this time
because I will be own my own and have a lot of expenses coming up. If I
have some to spare I'll deposit more later... if not then you'll just
have to make due with everything you got. I'll let you know about
Trey's bonds later. Relax... you'll be fine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">BTW... I always wondered what it would
be like to have a family that helped each other succeed in life instead
of ignoring everything but our own needs. To be clear one more time I
am not nor have I ever blamed you for my problems. I have asked for
your help several times within the last few years not because I am a
whinny brat who is looking to have her way... but because I really
needed your help and would not have asked if I didn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's the
fact that you don't even try anymore that bothered me most but I can see
it was my mistake in hoping that you would understand that basic fact.
You have not even thought about how much it hurts and for years I kept
hoping that you would see the damage you were doing... but it never
happened. I'm sorry that I've hurt you by telling you the truth about
how I feel and think. I'm just tired of any relationship based on lies
or half truths and understand completely that there is no help for me
here. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I love you because you're my mom and I forgive you because you're human.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mom: Thank you for loving me. I cannot understand why you are blaming me for
your decision to live with Scott. <u><i>(Not even close to what was expressed in the above exchange)</i></u> That was your choice. I have no
answer for you. It's a simple fact that I have no extra money except
what I have saved in my savings acct. <u><i>(She is on Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare and pays no rent at my grandmothers. She also can ask grandma for anything she needs outside of this.)</i></u> You had told me you had 20,000
dollars for me from Trey's acct. <u><i>(Lawsuit)</i></u> Your words not mine. <u><i>(I did tell her that at the beginning before I had to make other arrangements to live and work. And a lot of that money went into dad's house)</i></u> I have no other
source of money other than what you said you had for me. I saved what I
could when I could. Trey's bonds were bought by me <u><i>(myself and my grandmother)</i></u> and I expect to get
all of the money because I bought them. <u><i>(Again not all of them, but I was going to give them all to her anyway.)</i></u> I'm sorry I was not the mother
you expected from me. You will have to explain what kind of mother you
expected me to be. I'm sorry I was not the the mom you expected. But
that is water under the bridge. You were certainly not the daughter I
expected. I forgive you too. You don't have a book telling you how to
raise children.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Me: I know you don't understand mom and
that's the whole problem in a nutshell. I can't explain it any better.
When I told you about the 20k... things were different. Now things are
all on my shoulders and I will truly be on my own, soon. You however
will be FINE... you have a place to live, food to eat and plenty of
insurance/medicade to handle your health. </span><br />
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You can have ALL the
bonds and 15k <u><i>($8000 of her savings plus $7000 extra not including Trey's bonds)</i></u> is all I have now to give you. So save the pitiful me
routine about not having anything because you have everything you need
and then some right now!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again it all about the money for YOU
and that's why you can't see or understand anything I've been writing
about. As usual you think I'm blaming you for everything except for
what you actually have done or in this case haven't done. At this point
in time I am done explaining things to you. If you don't get it then
forget it... it doesn't matter now.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That was the end of the written exchange and my mother was paid every dime as well as the $2000.00 plus from Trey's bonds. She has also stated several times that she didn't make me pay child support because she was trying to help me. I told her that I didn't need a court to tell me to pay for my child and every time she needed money to ask for it. She did all throughout Trey's life and was given whatever she needed for him. She also had Trey's father paying support when ever he felt like paying for it that is. Later when mom came down to Scott's house to confront me one more time about the money just before it was all transferred back to her account she said that she had my aunt read the letter I sent her and it didn't make sense to her either. That's because my aunt had no knowledge of any other conversations that took place between us and it let me know that she was willing to show the family only what she wanted them to see. Whether this is true or not I don't know but... Scott told me that my mother told him, she would have him transfer the money over to her (because we had a shared savings account then), behind my back if I didn't comply with the agreement. Who knows who is telling the truth here because neither of them would know the truth if it came up and introduced itself formally. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After the money was settled my mother still contacted me to tell me all about how wonderful her life was while not listening to much of what I had to say, which has been a normal practice with her. In May of 2013 when my grandmother broke her hip, I went to see her at the rehabilitation hospital then went to see my mom for a moment. She then once again brought up the whole conversation about what would I have done if I had to raise Trey alone and then told me that I hurt her feelings with the letter I wrote. I explained that I have been reading numerous books about the Narcissistic Family and how it helped me to see more clearly what the problems were with myself, family and even Scott. I encouraged her to read several books that would help her understand but that too is never going to happen. She doesn't want to know how to fix anything, including herself. I tried explaining the concepts to the best of my limited ability but the most important was about being there and helping when ever it was needed. I told her that I was always there for her but never felt the same in return. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">A lot of other things had happened in the last few weeks of May 2013 like I found my next home on wheels and it had been delivered despite the uphill battle it took. My roommate Scott has turned our relationship into an all out war because he still states one thing and then turns around and denies what has been said. He still continues to talk to anyone who will listen to him and that too will never change. But just before the RV was to be delivered he stated that if I park it here he will have it towed off and then fires me from my job as soon as he moves the business into the new building and lastly tells me I have 4 months to leave his house. Why? Because I won't feed him anymore... literally and figuratively. I had stated several months earlier that I was going to start saving half my paycheck to pay for the pick up needed to pull the RV but he waits until I am fully committed then states once again that my paycheck for which I work for is all his money and I have no rights to it or any in his home??? Really? Later I asked if would at least tell me when he paid the last check if it would be my last and he wouldn't even agree to do that. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I lost it that night and went off on him like nobody's business which only made him happy. I guess any emotion is better than none because for the longest time, I just ignored him and he can't stand that. He has to be the center of the universe at all times so it bruised his ego. Unfortunately I let my own self importance get in the way as well as giving him what he wanted... a reaction, instead of just letting it go. I still have a long ways to go before I can get my emotions under control, but getting out of there was the first and biggest step. Scott spent so much time looking for any small mistake I made and then would make the biggest deal out of it... because it's more important to punish those around him than to look at his failures. That would take something that he just doesn't have inside of him... insight, honestly, knowledge and strength. He stated for me to take the stainless steel cookware that he bought for me to cook his dinners in because he didn't want it. At the time, I said I didn't want anything that belonged to him. but as I got closer to the time to move, I decided to go ahead and take it because I will use it and he will not. So I'm sure you all will hear all about that because it is another small thing that is so very important to him. There were only two more things that need to be resolved and I was waiting for his highness to make a decision on one and sign the title over to my truck and then I wouldn't have to deal with him any longer as I moved out of the prison that his house had become. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The decision that I was waiting for him to make was about Lily. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One minute Scott stated
that he bought Lily for me and the next he states that she belongs to
him. One minute he states that he doesn't want to break the dogs up and the next minute he is trying to use Lily to hurt me by keeping her. Whatever! I told him that if he ever got to the point that he couldn't care
for her to contact me and I will come and pick her up because Gus and
Lily are a bonded pair and belong together. On Mother's Day 2013 he
stated that I caught him in a weak moment??? after visiting his own mother's grave when he told me to go ahead and take her and later he stated that he
would have to think about Lily going with me. Never mind that it was a
very hard day for me and then he called my own mother to wish her a Happy
Mother's Day... he made the whole day very difficult for me and enjoyed
every moment of it. He stated he only left a message for my mother but again... who knows? People like him make themselves feel better by making others miserable because that's the only way they have to feel good about themselves. </span> <br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">A few weeks before all this came about I went home and made peace with my dad about the things that happened after Trey died. I wanted to leave here with as much resolved as possible before I started my new life. To see him after 4 years was a shock because the man staring back at me was so frail and looked like he was beat by life after the con man Donald Boyd Montgomery had cleaned him out and left the house in shambles and disrepair. Dad had broken his hip a year or so ago and it was hard for him to get around so this once proud man that I knew as my dad was gone. I then made the decision to use the last of my savings that mom was so eager the have to at least finish his bathroom so he could use it easily and then things turned for the worse at Scott's home causing me more grief but it was the push I needed to start packing up my stuff to move back in with my dad to help finish his house before I leave. I felt it was the right thing to do for dad and it will take another year or so before I can finish my stuff before I leave. But I can do it without being miserable and that's worth it to me at this point in my life. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">After working at dad for a while, cleaning up, I found out the damage that Don Montgomery did to his credit and his bank account. It took weeks for me to piece together what had happened and when I finished collecting as much evidence as I could I wrote the FBI a letter detailing everything I knew and what I had. I also copied the letter to the area sheriff's offices, made a police report as a formality and then all the credit reporting agencies. I doubt that any of the agencies can or will do very much about this man but my aim was to make it very difficult for Don to come back around once I am gone, because you know men like him never go away when they have found a good mark. Here is a copy of the letter sent with all the details that are available at this time. If you or someone you know is in contact with him then please warn them of the dangers and contact your local authorities if you don't want them to be the next victim. This is the reason this post was delayed because I needed time to get all the necessary paperwork handled before Don found out and retaliated, which he will. There is no doubt about it. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">I contacted my mother again and told her of my decision to see and help dad and she was surprisingly okay with it. I told them both that I would not be talking about them to the others and would not listen to any more blame... no matter who was at fault. I told her about Don having my dad sign a POA and a Will leaving him as sole heir to the property and that if it was indeed her intention to leave the sale of the place to me then I would need to have her sign a will stating that. It's not that I even want the property because I don't... I simply do not want Don the con to benefit from his schemes. Later after Scott dropped those last few bomb shells once again that spurred my decision to leave his home as soon as humanly possible I decided to see if mom had really listened to what I have said. I asked her for a loan ($2000) to pay the man helping me finish dad's house so I could move in sooner rather than later. She said no of course because she was done helping me out and besides her money was tied up in a CD. She also stated that I should have been more careful with the way I spent the rest of my savings and that I was just going to have to be mad at her. I was not mad... I was done... completely. She can tell the family that it is once again all about the money but I was never about that at all. There was no point in my looking to my mother to care about anything and it was the hardest decision to cut off contact with her but it is one that was done for my own benefit. I thought about writing a letter to my grandmother but decided not to because in the end... it just didn't matter. I am now free of there limitations and no matter what happens from this point on, I can say I did everything in my power to repair the relationships but failed due to the unwillingness of them. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Lastly on the day before Mother's Day 2013, I got an email from Marvelous! Could the universe test me any harder at that time? He said and I quote... " I "steel" love you no matter what has happened. Please call me just to talk and here is my phone number. Please just call." The next email said " Why won't you talk to me?" Personally I thought the answer was obvious but with him not admitting anything he has ever done wrong, it never occurred to him he was the next to the last man on earth I ever wanted to see again. Before I blocked his email, I stated, " Marvelous? You don't love me, you must be in some trouble. Who knows and who cares? I don't love you so please do not contact me ever again. I will also block you from sending me any more emails, since you can't respect my wishes. BTW, I am leaving the state very soon so Good Bye!" Later while thinking about it I had the vision of some girl throwing all his stuff out the door one more time and seeing him homeless because he got caught lying and cheating again. I couldn't help but start laughing so hard, my stomach ached. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Unfortunately I had to tell Scott about this because Marvelous knows his trucks and will chase him down to ask questions and if he is looking for me, I felt sure that would be a natural opportunity for him to find out. Scott assured me that he would not throw me under the bus... but we shall see. The one thing I have not been truthful with <u><i>anyone</i></u> when they ask is, where I am going when I leave here? I have told them a destination picked at random and it was the same location given when I am asked where I go to meet the new group of people I have been meeting with. It is not the location or the destination and that is something I have and will keep to myself so, I'm sorry if any of you have heard the lie based on that alone. When I do leave here I have no immediate plans other than to go where the new group of people are for a while but may not be in one location for very long so I can't tell you even if I did know. That is the beauty of RVing... you can go anywhere, anytime and I only have to consult with myself.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Reading through this post in 2019 as I have has made me see that I was still very angry and hadn't had a chance to work through as much as I wanted or to practice some of the things I've learned. It also refreshed my memories about how many things will happen at once and it's like a juggling act and I felt like a mime. I also understand that I too sound needy or greedy at times when I am asking for help. I hate that because it makes me feel like I am more my mother than I ever wanted to be. It doesn't take in to account that I had a good job that I hated after a while like most people, kept my home for 12 years to the day, paid for my own cars, upkeep on both, sent mom money whenever she needed it and most of all spent money on Trey directly. It's one of the biggest reasons I hate asking for help because my independence feels threatened and I feel like I am less of a person when I do, even without being made to feel that way from my family.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Clearly mom and I kept in contact over the years even if it was very few and far between at first. This post will be the basis for working out some of the last of my issues with her as she is now also in her final days... But the parallels of this time in 2013 with upheavals starting from a once trusted friend, to being ignored by mom and yet embraced by dad while making a lot of changes at one time is something I am facing once again. Boy how things change without ever really changing. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-20383214147294225372019-08-21T18:12:00.022-04:002023-03-08T09:16:32.630-05:00All aboard the crazy train<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Normally I would have simply walked away from another
relationship that had turned toxic but in this instance, I didn’t have that
luxury because of working with this individual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Walking away quietly without fanfare is the best choice if available but
this girl would not leave even though she was asked to repeatedly because she
has an undue sense of entitlement and enjoys making others miserable while
blaming everyone else for her problems. I now suspect that she has BPD which is <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/478074-Amber-Heards-all-the-way-down" target="_blank">Borderline Personality Disorder</a> mixed with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder" target="_blank">Histrionic Personality Disorder</a>, HPD.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So a little back story is in order and this is my opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had written about her in the blog during my
younger years and gave her the nickname of Little Bit but her real name is
Nicole Jackson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have known each other
most of our life and her best friend was my neighbor and mine was the girl
across the street but we did hang from time to time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stayed at the same day care where she
claimed she was molested by the husband of the care giver and has used that as
a weapon to get what she wants for the rest of her life instead of getting
professional help to deal with the trauma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">We saw little of each other especially after I left home
but after Trey died, she came to his funeral and we started talking a little
after that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until after I
moved back to dad’s that we reconnected again and she was on her umpteenth
relationship with another guy who didn’t work and was having a serious problem
with him as a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I eventually
understood that she thrived on chaos and drama but I became closer with her mom
because she is way more real than her daughter and being older she was looking
for some calm in her life.</span><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">When my dad was at the end of his life Nicole stopped by
occasionally to check on him while I was at work and she did help me realize
that I had so little time left with him, even though I didn’t want to accept
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For that I will always be
grateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after dad died, she
volunteered her man to take on the remodel of the other bathroom and knew I
only had a certain amount of money and time to get it done so I could get the
kids out of the camper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she had
to supervise her man because he wasn’t able to get the job done without it and
after 3 months she came to me about a school trip her youngest daughter wanted
to go on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had already given her half
of the money upfront but volunteered to go ahead and pay her the rest so that
she would have it for her daughter’s trip.</span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Work had all but stopped at that point and after another
3 or 4 months went by with her man not showing up to complete the work, I asked
for the last half of the money back so I could pay someone else to get it
done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was livid that I would do such
a thing but she did pay the half back and I did get someone else to get the
work done but the damage to the friendship had been done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Many months later we did talk a little about it and both
admitted that we were angry about it and I tried to make amends even though I
felt I didn’t do anything wrong because I really wanted to stay close with her
and her mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nicole admitted nothing
and still thinks that she was entitled to that money for work not done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But things moved along until she got pregnant
and I found out on Facebook through a post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This would be her 4<sup>th</sup> child by 4 different boys, because I
can’t call them men, at 42 years of age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So she is seriously unhappy in this relationship and talking all kind of
trash about him to anyone that would listen and then deliberately gets pregnant
by him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">She had started work at a gas station and claimed to be
the best worker there and nobody else did anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she was passed over for a promotion I
thought at first that it was a dirty thing to do to her but after having worked
with her at my place of employment for 6 months, I can now see why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spends too much time telling people off
and not doing things that need to be done instead of taking care of the work
that she deems beneath her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> She had called out numerous times, shows up when she wants and then wants to leave when it suits her, no matter if it leaves others in a bind. </span>It makes
total sense now why they wouldn’t promote her in a position of manager because
they knew she would probably use and abuse the power that came with it.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span face=""arial" , sans-serif">I know that Nicole can do some of the most kindest things sometimes. I am not even questioning her motives because I really do believe that she cares deeply when she is able to care. I think she does try really hard some days and you can see that she is making it work. She thinks I don't understand how hard it is to take care of almost everything. I also know each one of us has good and bad days but the issue is when the bad start outweighing the good on a regular basis. And the bad was and is made worse by the manipulation and guilt trips that she pulls when things don't work her way. The hatred starts to outweigh the love and kindness and seems to take over the soul. You also need to have respect for yourself to be able to have it and receive it from others. I don't think Nicole has respect from herself so she can't really understand what it is or how to achieve it for herself. </span></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So now here we are today and I have had words with her at
work over the last month and a half about her job duties, availability and
attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t ask Nicole to do
something nicely and have her do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
I have to get pissed to get my point across to make it happen and that just
wears me out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the first time, I
knew she had to go from my department and hopefully from the store altogether
but instead of continuing to argue with her I came home and just wrote things
out to get them off my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no
intention of giving her the letter below but at some point it became necessary
to light a match to the powder keg to get her out.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole is purple and mine is in blue...</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B047Y-pH2Kg/Xk8kfo1yM2I/AAAAAAAACuo/GeQrDCH2bF0wjHLF4AG7ZuCpIOXysvsNgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/NJ%2BBS%2B3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="739" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B047Y-pH2Kg/Xk8kfo1yM2I/AAAAAAAACuo/GeQrDCH2bF0wjHLF4AG7ZuCpIOXysvsNgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/NJ%2BBS%2B3.jpg" width="147" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tpOlwIfqMbg/Xk8km_h2QqI/AAAAAAAACus/R8OOiCG2TM48LXVbzFvr082qEz5ZxHBCgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/NJ%2BBS%2B4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="506" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tpOlwIfqMbg/Xk8km_h2QqI/AAAAAAAACus/R8OOiCG2TM48LXVbzFvr082qEz5ZxHBCgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/NJ%2BBS%2B4.jpg" width="101" /></a></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">After the first argument at work she must have restricted
her post where I couldn’t see them on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It really was not necessary because I never commented on any of her
diatribes or even saw that much because I log in to go straight to my game most
of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when my roomie asked
did I see her post about her quitting and asking for constant prayers for her
dire situation, I found I couldn’t see them on my own account and knew then she
had restricted my views.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay fine, do
big deal, except for the fact that I knew she was manipulating others into
feeling sorry for her again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is her
normal state of being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never let on
that I saw it and then there were 2 other major arguments at work over the last
month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So this letter below details some
of the issues and then the follow up is interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">What caused the letter to be sent is another post on
Facebook brought to my attention which states:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“the bosses at my job have no respect for me and my current situation. I
told them I needed off by 2 to take Jess and myself to urgent care. I left at
340. Guess who called out on the busiest day of the week? With NO regrets. Jess
and I are so sick and stressed the dr would not give us a decongestant because
our bps were through the roof. We don’t have bp problems. 2 hrs would have been
easier to cover than 8.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The above post didn’t take into account that the managers
worked with her schedule so she could find daycare for Joe and that I switched
shifts with her as much as possible afterwards so she could handle things while
her mom was trying to recuperate from a fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And for the record, I asked the managers who she talked to about going
home early that day and the answer is no one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She stated that she’d like to go home a little early to me while I was
finishing my last order and getting ready to go to lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t answer either way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I came back from lunch she was working
an order for the next morning and when I told her I thought she was leaving
she said I wanted to get this order with a lot of meat done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That was that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">After getting home and being showed her Facebook post I
started thinking it was time to push this to an end whatever it may be so I
found 2 memes about respect and how it is demanded without being earned and
posted those on her wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then came her
posting about me causing all this drama which in turned caused me to find
another meme about drama and posting that to her wall as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a good one too and described her to a
tee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It said, “You don’t like drama?
Funny how your name comes up as executive producer on every single episode
around you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then she had a rambling
post about God and sins and all that… which I could only deduce she was telling
me I was going to hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was hard to
interpret because the crazy had taken full control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I responded:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Letter to Nicole I sent to her Facebook.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You know, you argue much better than I do. You will argue
with a fence post until it rots and I prefer to spend my time, energy and money
on much more productive, healthy things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know there is little to no point in it and it gets me nowhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You on the other hand live for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can quote policy, rules and regulation
like nobody’s business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately,
you only apply them to others and not yourself believing you are above them
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You think you know everything while
your life shows that it’s far from the case. I, myself, have so much to learn
and apparently this life lesson is another test to see if I’ve learned what I
need to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We shall see. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You thrive on constant misery and while that is your
right it is not your right to make others miserable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The way you do that is create an environment
of chaos, derision, division, drama and a world that is centered around
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However the world does not revolve
around you though and that pisses you off to no end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have gotten a lot of mileage out of being
a victim so you can manipulate those around you and will continue on that
path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your life, family, work, friends,
heart and mind are in shambles and it is your own doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you will continue to blame others for
your poor decisions, refusal to listen or learn because you will not take real
responsibility for your actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You’ve
been playing with players so long that you’ve become one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You think you are the best at games and maybe
you are with as much practice as you’ve had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’ve gamed the system, mental health pros and anyone else who will
play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Real people don’t play games
because they don’t have to, to get what they need in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I sure don’t nor am I afraid to say
what needs to be said directly to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve
been quiet and let you do what you do best over the last few months, but make
no mistake, I was aware of your bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve known that you vague post on Facebook, as you are well known for,
even when you excluded me from the post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Either you don’t have the balls to say things to my face or you are just
looking for more sympathy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the one
where you stated you were quitting and asking for prayers is the first one that
was brought to my attention. Sad thing is I don’t pay that much attention to
anything on Facebook, much less your non-stop drama. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Second
thing is, you went to Marie and tried to show her my text messages where I
repeatedly told you to do your job or quit without a thought that I was well
within my rights to say that to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had
she looked at them and asked me about it, I would have shown her your
belligerent texts preceding mine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
shows how little you valued me as a friend and that you were willing to play
dirty… if only you had some dirt to play with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I
will remind you that I told Felicia not to make you full time because your life
is a hot mess and I told you the very same thing with the exception that going
full time means that you have little control of your schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She made the offer and you accepted so now I
get to deal with your constant inability to work, get the job done CORRECTLY,
and you deliberately making things much more difficult by not listening to what
is needed when it’s needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Examples are
double bagging 6 packs of drinks, raw meat with raw veggies, using the add/sub
button on the handheld when explained that it doesn’t work correctly if at all
and then arguing with the managers when they tell you do something or stop
doing it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Third
thing is, I have worked there for 6 years and not only know a lot of people for
a long time, have worked with many of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know you talk shit about your personal life and while that makes you
look small and disturbed, which you really are, when you start talking about me
or lying rather so you can continue to play the victim, you not only look like
a fool because these people know me and rely on me to get the job done… they
see you for what you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Petty,
childish, selfish, rude and now incompetent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That looks bad on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Lastly,
today when you started preaching about God and Heaven and that whole rambling
diatribe, instead of telling me I’m going to hell how about you worry about
your own soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll take care of mine
because I do want to be healthy and at peace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I work at it because I know that it’s the most important thing in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just pretend too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a BIG difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">If you are popping pills in addition to your alcohol
consumption then that is another animal all together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Either way you will continue to alienate
everyone that loves you and you will not seek any meaningful help or let that
help work for you because you are simply unable to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You had such a good heart and you’ve ruined
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot be a party to this life of
misery that you so enjoy and I will not participate in your disintegration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also know that it’s no big loss to
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish you luck but you’ll need so
much more than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">End of letter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Her response was just what you’d expect and started a
downhill run but my goal is now to get her to quit where I work at and move on:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole: I do not have time to read your condescending
bullshit when your own back yard is worse than minr. That is where we differ. I
own mine. You blame your hoover ass mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You justify your own bull shit how you want too. I don't give a damn. I
didn't let my parents raise mine with out me. You would not could not see what
your dad was suffering with out me telling you so....so there you go miss smart
ass with all your knowledge. You let people tear up your investment and have
peeps as roommates who suckered emtoinally and financially. All that after you
let your only child go to your hoover mother. I am not a bitch to fuck with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">that's the best you got...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You are so transparent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I've always owned all my shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
just deal with it where you only create more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I am not fucking with you, just telling you the truth and
you don't like it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No none of
you like that fact I own mine and delta with it. You told you wanted better and
you spin the.mud and don't see who you tried to use others and Karma got your
ass. I know I am sinner and Satan fights me daily.....all things said my friend
and I was with you for your dad and the respect was non existent......live
large<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I live in truth. Unlike your saintly ass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never said you
weren't with me with dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you will
never understand that you are not going to use and abuse people like you do and
live this truth that you say you love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again you
are the 1 to use people.....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You knew before I came to work there my family is 1st.
You thought I would kiss your ass....ha ha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a human
being and I will always be one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's
funny now that I think about the projection that's coming from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are accusing me of what you really are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Should have stayed part time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ask
Jennifer and Tony if I don't get the job done let me know...let me go....again
they came to me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't want
or need people to kiss my ass little girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I need grown ups that work. And you ain't it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Bullshit, they tell me something completely different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That why
the mangers keep me bitcb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Then fire my ass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, they don't
have a replacement for you yet but they are working on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A jod is a
dime a dozen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Job is a dime a dozen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They why don't
you go find them then?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's OK
I am leaving<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Today would be GREAT!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You won't
get the pleasure of knowing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course not
because that's what grown up do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again
grown up raise their kids and are their for their dying parents......really
keep it up miss grown ass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you read
t=what I sent you will see just what I know....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Grown ups who don't have their parents paying their way
have difficult decisions to make and they do the best they can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again you
don't get it. I tried to leave and They asked me to stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well don't
stay on their account. Feel free to just GO!!! We will be just fine without
you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">In addition to small, petty, childish, clueless,
disturbed and unstable you are also delusional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They make meds for that so you should go find some.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No you are
all that and some more. You are so short sighted and want to blame others. I
have waited along time to tell you get your nose out the air because you keep
creating your own bullshit. From humans to animals. You like Eric and be sure
when I get in to work tomorrow I'll share the bullshit.....if it wasn't for
Joes needs tonight, I would deal with it tonight. You are as much as a con as
my ex and Don. He taught you well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: Why wait?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike you
my babies come 1<sup>st</sup><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><sup><br /></sup></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Says the girl
with every dead beat con who even married one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get
something more against me please you have no fight here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are a
piece of work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have laughed my ass off
at you stupid shit and you weak attempts to hurt me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">You truly reaching at this point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again you
can't hurt me you did that all on your own<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it's
easier to make shit up that it is to see the truth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You ain't
worth it theif<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lol<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I am worth plenty to the real people and animals who need
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I know my worth and I know myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sad that you will never know that about
yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I was never trying to hurt you in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's not my style.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You get
your worth from your twisted shut and I am over being OK with that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes you hurt so deep you cut those who have been there
for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't need
to hurt people to feel better about myself or my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Playing the victim again I see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Its always about you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh yes you
do...you get off on your sanctimonious shit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get off on
laughter and peacefulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a
better understanding of many things because I wanted to learn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No you
have only justified<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>your own bullshit. I
am happy for you to live in ignorance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Hoover just like ya momma<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why thank
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That just shows me that you have
never listened to a word I said much less read the blog that helped me put
things into perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I justify
working to make a living, I justify doing what's right even if it's hard and
most importantly I justify being someone who can learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, that's not something you can or will
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just keep turning this into
something it's not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's easier than to
take a good long look in the mirror and do something about you life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I don't know where you got this from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your mom is a sweet lovable if not loud
person who you've taken advantage of for you whole life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are the real hoover sweetie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I don't have to play games or get mean because there is
and always a better way. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that's all
you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can get mean and be just as
down and dirty as you but I want stay out of the gutter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">End of Facebook conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But I wanted to say so much that would have placed me
right in the gutter with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean who
uses a kid and a parents death against them when the only thing it had to do
with this whole issue is that I’ve learned from my mistakes the best I can and
it has changed me in way that I couldn’t begin to get someone like her to
understand. </span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I will state for the record she is either lying or really delusional about the managers there asking her to stay. I'm fully aware that some managers can and will double talk to suit them but unprompted comments I get from the managers and other employees are really good indication that we are all ready for her to go. I had stopped covering for her and cleaning up her mistakes. I knew if I just gave her enough rope she take care of the rest. And she has...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">In the above rant she states in one sentence I let people take advantage of me such as
the kids in the camper, my roommate’s son and animals but in another I am the
user.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The disconnect between the two is
so profound that I have to wonder if she even notices it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t call her out on her blackout drunks and the one
where there may have been some type of pills involved that caused her to lose
track of Joe and he ingested some medications causing the other daughter to
call the police and get DSS involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or
the neighbors telling me how many times Joe has wondered off toward the very
busy street we live on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or the fact that
the one daughter has severed all contact with her while the other daughter
moved to NY quite possibly to get away from all the strife in the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or the fact that her own mother, daughter and
I have had many conversations while her mom was in tears about how hateful and
vengeful Nicole is when she can’t get them to do what she wants. It just goes on and on with now end in sight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Another profound disconnect is all the hate and vengeance
in her heart while she claims to love God and Jesus and believes he will avenge
all the things she believes that have been done to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may not be an expert in the bible but I’m
pretty sure that’s not how it goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While she stated repeatedly that she owns hers that is also only true
when she needs an excuse for her decisions, behavior and her treatment of
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has had no real desire to
find the professional help she so desperately needs. That would mean she would
have to take responsibility for herself and stop blaming everyone else for her
own deep seeded issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It's simply never going to happen.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">When asked by another person about why she thinks I’m
such a bad friend even though I’ve done all I can for her I told them she
answered that question herself but it was a projection again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or on second thought maybe it was gaslighting
which means accusing others of what you are doing yourself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she wasn’t going to kiss my ass and
that is what she wants in a nutshell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I have observed her making decisions that affect everyone around her without a
thought as to what they have to go through as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or a better way to put it she does what she
pleases and damn the consequences because she expects the other people in her
life to pay for those.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So all aboard the crazy train express for the traveling
shit show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The final destination has yet
to be determined but we will get to the end one way or the other.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">8/22 After being gone for 2 days at work I found that she went to a manager again and showed her just one comment from our previous chat which was...</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well don't stay on their account. Feel free to just GO!!! We will be just fine without you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Still playing games trying to look like the victim. She just doesn't understand that it's not just me that sees through it like a glass and reveals more about her motives than anything else. It not only didn't work the way she wanted because I sent a screenshot of her post to several people that needed to know, and its something I've never done before or hope never to have to do it again. Her going to the manager worked in my favor because it's more evidence that she needs to leave. The managers are collecting more as the days go by and that's about all I can say without revealing certain confidences and details at this time that would only help Nicole circumvent the effort to get her out of our POE. While I was having a conversation with this manager about several other things which most was personal stuff the manager said oh BTW, just don't text her about quitting or put it in writing. I agreed because it doesn't matter how you try to get through to her, no new information gets through. I also briefly explained some of the things that were going on between Nicole and I then the manager laughed and said I was an open book. I told her why not, got nothing to be ashamed of then thanked her and went on about my day. </span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">8/23 Another call out today and I didn't ask the reason. It looks like her Facebook post is making the rounds with the managers and they are not pleased.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">8/24 Nicole showed up to work today as if nothing happened in one way but she would not look me in the eye. While I had avoided being around her over the last 2 weeks I didn't really notice that fact until today when I made a point several times to look right at her. I've given this a little more thought and I seriously doubt that she is crazy or has PTSD. I really believe that is her cover or excuse so she can carry on and she is fully aware of what she is doing. I could almost see her mind working trying to figure out how to play the situation to her favor again.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">8/29 Woke to a message from Nicole:</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MnAZ8t4kpJ4/XWedCBrJYNI/AAAAAAAACkI/ygen92Ohgps27CAPgks-kAa25aODEl7YwCLcBGAs/s1600/NBS%2B4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MnAZ8t4kpJ4/XWedCBrJYNI/AAAAAAAACkI/ygen92Ohgps27CAPgks-kAa25aODEl7YwCLcBGAs/s320/NBS%2B4.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I wondered how long it would take for one of the 7 people I sent this to in a private message, to either talk about it or show it to her. She is right about me not having a PHD but then one is not required to have an opinion. I only hope that any of those people who received the link to this blog felt like sharing it with the ones in their life that needed to know. Forewarned is forearmed. I've given this a little more thought between everything else I have going on and I'm not so sure that she has any mental illness to speak of. It just may be a serious character flaw or defect which to the best of my knowledge there is no known treatment. The book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Character-Disturbance-phenomenon-our-age/dp/1935166336/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank">Character Disturbance</a> was helpful in recognizing some of the tactics that are used by such individuals. While I've heard the stories as most of you have, it's not until you experience it first hand that you really begin to see the true self of that person. With more information and details I can now see that it isn't just the hatred in her heart, but it was how it was delivered which was childishly as a teenager with little self control. It was also why it was delivered which for me was after I called her out publicly but I'm sure many of you have experienced it with even less of a provocation.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">If she plans on taking me to court for whatever she can dream up, then it will all be public record and even if she wins by nefarious means then she will still end up with nothing because I own nothing. Wonder how that will work when anyone else has an issue with her and uses the case, should there be one, in an effort to defend themselves?</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">8/30 - 8/31 I was handed a copy of an order I shopped and then asked the manager what did I do wrong with it? They said it had nothing to do with me but there was a problem with the pharmacy and that Nicole tried to handle it. That resulted in an FYI which isn't a complaint but still needs to be handled. When she was asked about it she said that she didn't shop that order and tried to throw me under the bus again. I was informed that was the fourth FYI in about 6 weeks that she had received and was directed to take another manager and tell her she is no longer to handle any customer concerns and to find a manager if I am not there to take care if it. So I did and she stated that she had tried to get a manager but they couldn't or wouldn't deal with it. She shrugged and said it was fine about the rest. I told the manager that requested the talk that it was done and I had already taken as much responsibility away from her as I possible could.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So the next day came and things moved along until Nicole went to lunch at about 2 pm came back at 2:30 and tried to skip the next order because it was 72 pieces but was due at 3:30. I told her to start shopping that order for that reason while I went to lunch before she left so the new girl wasn't left alone and she said she wasn't going to do it because she wasn't staying late. She had changed her schedule again to leave by 3 which wasn't a problem. I told her 3 times total to at least start the order and I'll finish it when I came back. The exchange was heated on her part and was over heard by a manger that neither of us knew was around the corner. Later I was asked about it and I said just trying to get someone to do her job that she doesn't want to do. They nodded and that was that. She has been trying to play the managers as well and just can't see that they know exactly what she is doing.</span><br />
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So it's now 11/29 and I've been back to work now for 2 weeks. I had taken the time off to be with my mom in her final days. Nicole is still at the job, pissing off customers, coworkers and managers but going right up to that line while never actually crossing it. She is still making her own schedule, doing the bare minimum (sometimes it seems like she is trying to do some of these things just so we would have to take more responsibility away from her), and my personal favorite... she takes credit for things that are not her doing and no responsibility for her mistakes. In others word same old, same old. The first day back I glanced up as she was walking by and she seemed to smile at me. I'm not sure if it was her trying to pretend like everything was okay, like nothing ever happened or it was because she thinks she has won something. With her you never know. The one thing I do know for a fact is that when someone shows you what they really are underneath the facade of being a friend which is a really nasty individual... believe it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Today is 3/10/21 and more than a year has gone by during which we all lived through Covid in what was deemed an essential business. Nicole seemed to get somethings together and the call outs have lessened. She also comes in on her days off or stays late every once in a while. I managed to continue working with her for the sake of others in the team by keeping any talk to work related issues and when anything personal started I would ignore it if I couldn't walk away. Even if she was capable of a sincere apology it would be the same and I am reminded everyday not only what happened but of what also could happen at any time if she goes off the rails. I am asked about her from time to time when new people come in and my response is the same every time. Ignore her to the best of your ability and if that doesn't work then let me know.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I know the front end gets tired of her telling them how to do their job over the head sets and we get tired of hearing her as well. She has no concept of how rude she is and there are somedays when her mood is so bad that I wish she would just go home. More than one new person has commented on her negative energy and the vibes she puts out. But when you are that miserable of a person and believe that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread while the rest of us mere mortals are incompetent... what can you expect? That doesn't seem fair of me to point this out again and I know that it seems petty. But I'm honestly feel tired of dealing with it everyday we have to work together. </span><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">For me the more personal aspect of this is that forgiveness is on going process. I read that being or staying mad at disturbed people was like being mad at a tornado for being a tornado. They are what they are. During that time I had a lot of emotions going on with moms dying and I can't say that I was mad at Nicole or even hurt much by her actions at that time. They simply paled in comparison. She did know of the difficulties of my relationship with mom and seemed to have no clue that if we were going to mend what we could that now was the time before she passed. But I was surprised at Nicole's actions because of how low she went when I simply asked her to quit if she can't or won't do the job. Another surprising thing was how unaware she was of herself and actions when they were extremely noticeable to others. She honestly thought she was right when she was trying to get me in trouble or fired for telling her the truth not understanding that her behavior, work ethic and nasty attitude toward even the managers at the time spoke volumes to the fact that she was not cut out for this job. Or for having any meaningful relationships outside of it. She once told me that was what families do but that is simply an excuse to tear people down. Over the last year and a half I have given this more thought than I wanted to because it affected me more after the grief of mom's death eased. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I think back to the time when I was 18 to 25 and remember how volatile I was in reacting to things of this nature and am very thankful that I grew up enough to deal with anger and things of this sort. Nicole should be too because she once told me I had changed and I wasn't like I was when we were young and in school. If I hadn't changed and grew up I would have jacked her up without a moments thought, mentally and physically. But if I had done so then I would've sunk to her level and that is something I will not allow. With getting older I realize that real friends and family do not tear you down for telling the truth and if things get bad they are there to support you and help you along the way. I would have continued to do that for Nicole if she had been at least trying to find a healthy way to deal with her inner demons. She chooses to give those inner demons free rein no matter what it cost her. Maybe when everything and everyone is gone from her life because she has driven them away will she then begin to understand that she is her own worse enemy. No matter how she hurts the people in her life she will continue to be the victim. It still saddens me to see what could have been and I deal with it often. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I have no need to deliberately hurt people and I don't even have it in me to do so any more. I was always conscience of the effect that words and actions have on others because I knew how they made me feel. I also know I have hurt people nonetheless more so when I was younger when I was angry at the world and lashed out at them or even when I didn't but just went my own way. I've also known great pain and desolation in my life. I lived and worked my way through them learning new things as I went. It gave me a deeper empathy for others that I had thought I had lost many years ago. I used to think that anyone could do anything they set their mind to and it came down to whether they would or not. While that may be true for some I've had to learn the hard way that it's not so much what has happened to a person but what is inside them that make the biggest difference in the outcome of their lives. I have spent many years trying to understand others as much as myself because I want to know a better way. Fortunately I have found many resources to help me deal with my own issues and when to not deal with others who are on a destructive path. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Another update on 6/18/21: At this point I am just logging events that happen to have a record of them in case it's needed and that may happen sooner rather than later. On a Saturday night or Sunday morning I received a notification that Nicole had sent me a Facebook friend request. I thought her account my have been compromised or her oldest daughter with special needs had sent it if Nicole had walked away and left it open for whatever reason. I sure didn't think she would send the request on her own. But I deleted it whatever the reason and when on. I've also been told a few times that she still states that we used to be good friends and it's sooooo sad that we don't even speak to each other any longer. I can only shake my head at that. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">During the last 2 weeks there has been some internal issues in the home shop team that have come to a head after brewing for a long while and it seems the whole store has had major issues with HR being there often since February when Jennifer came back to the store. I don't know all the details about the conflicts with Jennifer the store director but as for internally we have hired a few more new people for home shop and with summer a few of the part timers have opened their availability slightly. My main issue that I have been tasked to deal with is the fact that several people will not carry the phone, answer it and complete the deliveries in a timely manner. My job is to insure that the team runs smoothly and handle the normal day to day problems that occur when customers or any of the team have a problem they can't handle. Since another manager shuffle has happened within the last 2 weeks, there is one new co manager and another CSM that will be starting soon who will need to be briefed as to the ongoing issues. The problems I can see as the point is that they are new to the store and know no one so I don't really expect for them to take me at my word. But the biggest problem is that I am not a manager and cannot be expected to deal with people who will NOT do portions of their job they deem beneath them for whatever reasons. That crosses over to their territory and so far I have not found a manager who is willing to take that on. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Nicole has consistently refused to handle the phone or do deliveries whenever possible, most of the time while I am at work. While she is not the only one, she is the longest running member of the team to do so and as a full time employee she should be setting a better example for the newer employees. She doesn't flat out refuse in words, she simply sets the phone down in its cradle and walks away. She will sometimes help with getting a delivery together but will only take it out if there is no other person she can direct to do so. I don't know why. Newer people in the team have picked up on it and are doing some of the same things. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">On the week ending 6/08, I had carried the phone for 4 days in a row. I usually don't mind and do so for several reasons. To give the newer people more uninterrupted time to shop so they have a chance to become more efficient and to give the others orders to shop so they don't have to go up front and bag groceries. It also gives me time to handle parts of my job and the ones that some of them refuse to do. But after 4 days, I came in and made it clear to all that I would not be carrying the phone that Monday but still found it in the cradle or my hands several times that day. During a part timers 30 minute lunch, Nicole placed the phone in the cradle and the calls were routed to the front end for which the ACSM called out the name of the 2 deliveries over the head set. I was in produce and did not respond because it was Nicole's responsibility to do the deliveries but I was stationed just where I could see how long it took her to get to the office and knew where she was at that moment. We have 4 minutes to get the groceries to the car and it took her 3 minutes to get to the office. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">A few minutes later Nicole states over the head set that someone needs to bring a mop and bucket to the office to clean up a gallon of milk that fell off the shelf as she was pulling another order. She got no response to that. I finished the order I was working on, came back to the office to see the gallon of milk still laying on the floor with a wad of paper towels over it. She didn't even replace the gallon, she just continued on as if nothing happened. It is on camera. After about an hour, Nicole finally cleaned it up but only after the ACSM told her to clean up her own mess and she complained about it bitterly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">At the end of the day, I had had enough and wrote a memo stating that there will now be a phone schedule where every one will carry the phone, make the deliveries and be held responsible for not getting them out within the 4 minute wait time if they chose to pretend they can't do the job. I posted the memo and the new schedule on the board for them to review when they came in on that Tuesday, which was the first of my 2 days off. The following Thursday when I came back was our audit day and when I walked in was told that Nicole called out (shocking, I know), but the old CSM also said that Nicole had a lot to say about the new phone schedule on Tuesday, (again shocking). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Nicole uses classic responsibility avoidant techniques like a pro. The reason was 2 audits ago she had accidently left the locks open on one of the cabinets causing us to fail the audit but swears it was not her. I wasn't there that day as the audit was scheduled on one of my regular days off. So to avoid being blamed for another mistake she could make she chooses to avoid being present on a very important day where we are already short staffed, putting us in a bigger bind. While I don't know exactly what she told the MOD the night before, I know she didn't tell another soul about her planned absence and if I had to guess she used her son as an excuse as she does on a regular basis. I honestly believe she had that child so she would have an excuse for any and everything possible and since it is her last one she will get as much mileage from him as possible. She had a classic melt down with the old CSM about her schedule and manipulated her into giving her the choice hours of 8 am to 4 pm with Saturday and Sunday's off. Sweet! For her any way.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">On that Friday the schedules were replaced after having been taking down and they are enforced but as usual Nicole has found another person to sympathize with her who seems to carry the phone during Nicole's allotted time frame. But because she can't completely get out of it all the time, she has decided to use her talents at divide and conquer, blaming others for her own failings while trying to make herself look good or like a victim, she has started talking about me in a way that makes it look like that I am not doing my job. She is famous for stating one small fact out of context and remaining silent on the things that would show herself for what she is. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Nicole has a conniving, manipulative, selfish, hateful, weak individual side of her personality that thrives on chaos and drama as referenced several times in this post above. She has a knack for setting up things to look like she is all agreeable and throwing me under the bus every chance she can. An example was when she waited until an hour before her shift to end to go to lunch leaving me with the last order which was no big deal. She comes back from lunch and as I was finishing that order she tells me that one was here to be picked up. It was a big one and they needed to come inside to pay so I helped her get it together making me late for my lunch. At 4 pm she places the phone in the cradle and walks out telling the co manager and the CSM who were standing together that she came back in plenty of time for me to take my lunch but omitted the rest of the situation. When asked, I filled in the details and that was that. It is what it is.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">On Thursday 6/17 the floral manager over heard Nicole talking derogatively about me to another front end employee. The reason was at 3:30 pm, 30 minutes before she was scheduled to leave she came back to the break room and placed a ringing phone in my hand and told me that the part timer was trying to finish an order so she could leave in front of the floral manager and other front end worker. I started laughing at the audacity of her actions, pretending like she was in charge, I was doing nothing and she was championing the underdog. Again when she was talking to the lady up front she was omitting critical parts of the story, throwing me under the bus and the floral manager heard enough to know what was going on and she was upset.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I talked to the floral manager about it stating that Nicole has been doing it for over 2 years and it doesn't bother me because I know what is right and her opinion means so very little to me. I also told her that I refuse to rise to the bait and give her the satisfaction of being a part of the drama she so thrives on. The floral manager said she was going to go to the manager and the district manager if need be. I told her that it wasn't necessary because it wouldn't change anything. Nicole has been working the system for so long that there wasn't a manager around that had a prayer against her schemes. And so for now, we continue on and on... </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Update 10/18/21</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">In an upcoming meeting with HR at work that involves another employee that Nicole has befriended, I have written a recap of the above events and included recent ones as well to refute the accusations that have been brought forth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Since my
guess as to the direction of the situation which was calling HR was to turn out
true, I have decided to prepare for the inevitable by gathering my thoughts and
putting them into writing. The turmoil
has been boiling off and on for a while and things need to come to a head and
clear out. Writing helps me think and
make decisions about what outcome I’d like to see and how to go about it so
that everyone benefits for the best possible solution. I don’t know which one actually made the call
to HR but I do know that it doesn’t matter because they will only present a
small portion of the issues here. This
letter is to highlight the whole problem in an attempt to get to the bottom of
the matter. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">There are
those who do the least amount of work either by restricting their schedules to
avoid working on the busiest days, calling out and/or going home early often even
when we are busy. Being full time seems
to make no difference. Then there are those who ride the clock doing as little
as possible when they are here. Those
types are the ones who complain the most and the loudest about having to work
or being called out about not working.
We have reached a tipping point in the whole store where there are more
of these types of workers than workers who actually WORK. The two I write about
here are the center of these issues.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve known
Nicole Jackson all her life and in desperate times told her about the job. As part time she did fine but as soon as she
went full time it went all down-hill from there. I’ve regretted it ever since. When asked by others about her, this has been
the standard reply given and then I let them make their own judgements about
her behavior. The attached letter is a detailed explanation of the events that
has led us to where we are today. I do
not like making this public but since Nicole has dragged most of her home life
into work as an excuse for several things, there is little in there that has
been revealed already. It reveals her
character in her text messages, FB post and response to messages I sent her. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">In short, I
cut her off and stopped letting her take advantage of me. However that may be, I know that most of her
behavior stems from her own sense of entitlement that carries over from home to
work and I just happen to be the handy target and excuse for her to achieve
that end. I suspect that she did the
same things at her last job based on what she would say, which was that no one
there did anything and she did everything.
She was very angry that she was passed over for manager there, but I can
see why that would be. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole and
Natalie are those above mentioned types and between the two they are the most
divisive in the team causing many problems. They are now united in their
approach to continue the status quo. Nicole is the number 1 reason I have to do a
phone schedule now because she flat out refused to carry the phone or do
deliveries when I was working. She not
only would actively avoid it, she would seek me out to drop it in my hand every
chance she got. Nicole is particularly
adept at back biting, lying by omission, manipulations, character
assassinations, playing the victim and petty slights in the form of passive
aggressive digs.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">One clear,
recent example of the passive aggressive dig was when she was due to get off at
4 pm and had actually worked the whole shift.
She went to lunch at 3 pm, came back around 3:30 pm. I was trying to complete an order when another
customer with a large order came inside to pay.
I helped Nicole by taking the customers payment and coupons then helped
her finish getting the order scanned and pushed outside. I was late going to lunch at 3:40 pm but at
4:00 pm she set the phone on the cradle, walked past Andrea and Anthony, the
co-manager at the time, as she was leaving and told them “I came back from
lunch to give her plenty of time for hers”. While technically true she left out some of
the most important details while showing that she is not a team player. She usually has this thing of leaving early
when it is just the two of us for whatever reasons and if it causes me to have
no phone coverage for my lunch then that is a bonus for her.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Natalie has
made it clear that she does not want to work on the front end no matter who
asks her too. She states that she wants
to BE in home shop but several have observed that she does not want to WORK in
home shop. She has been trained and
retrained. She has been spoken with by
both managers and myself about her job performance but it is mostly about her
attitude and NOT about her physical limitations. She has had her mother in talking to Jennifer
in the past about something along these lines although I don’t know the
details. If I had to guess, I think that
her mother only has what Natalie says about any given situation to go on and is
unaware of the rest. Not to mention the
implications of have a parent come into a job and complains as if it is school
about a grade that the child has received. Natalie’s mother once told me to
“Work the sh*t out of her.” <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">I personally
think that this is a JOB has been lost on many and certainly with Natalie
herself. I had also made it clear that I
would be sending her up front every time I worked with her because I needed to
get the job done and since she wasn’t helping to achieve that, it was where she
would be. She has been heard cussing
loudly while on a register about being up front and has gone to both Jennifer
and Christine about me and the situation.
In the second week of October, I’m not sure when, it came to head when I
saw her talking with Christine again about me sending her up front because we
were not busy and she was needed on the front end. I called her out and we both went into a
meeting with Jennifer and Christine.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">She
presented herself as a great team player and that I was just being mean when I
am direct. She stated that Nicole told
her that I talked about her behind her back.
The problem with that theory is; I rarely say anything to Nicole or
around her because she uses anything as ammunition in her quest to do harm to
my reputation. The irony is that Nicole
is the most vocal and vicious when it comes to matters such as these and has
been quick to complain about many new hires while making them feel unwelcome
then telling me I need to do something about them. Natalie also stated that Nicole was helping
her be a better shopper and was being so nice to her. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">It is
between shops that Natalie waste the most time.
On a busy Sunday she completed 4 shops while another shopper only did
3. That was 16 hours wasted that Jane,
another part timer, and I had to compensate for. Natalie also believes that she is a great
delivery person and has boasted that she has improved our wait time. Unfortunately that is not the case and she is
prone to leave bags or items out of an order and will not scan the bags out when
it is a large order as has been requested and shown to her several times. It has been explained to her on several
occasions that our attainment cannot support a delivery only member and there
are few others to call on to actually shop in times of need. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">After
Natalie finished her side I stated clearly and directly again, that my issues with
her was her attitude and for doing the exact opposite of what was asked of
her. I told her that her awareness of
the situation was sorely lacking after all the time she has been in home shop
because the computer clearly shows when we are busy and when we are not. In fact the busier we are the slower she goes
leading me to believe that she get overwhelmed which I understand. I had told her that this is a self-motivated,
self-managed department and I don’t have time to keep after her to do her
job. When we are busy and she is moving
extra slow causing me to miss lunches and to go home late, I get tired of being
left holding the bag while listening to her complain. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">I was also
was crystal clear with Natalie in that meeting about Nicole not having friends
but having tools that she uses and that she was being used as a tool. In the meeting I told Natalie we had already
spoken at length about the personal issues with Nicole. I then told her that it was her choice and
that it was a learning experience she has to find out about the hard way. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Over the
years, Nicole, a full time employee, has manipulated most of the managers to
give her the choice schedule or 8 am to 4 pm with every weekend off more often
than not. She claims day care is the
problem and while that is certainly true the reason is not what it is
presented. She infers or implies that
Joe, her youngest son, is special needs, which he is not. He has ADHD at best and is high energy. It is
her eldest daughter Jessica, who is and she is between the ages of 34 – 36. The reason she cannot get anyone to help her
is she has alienated most of her family and friends and has found herself
having to actually deal with the decisions she has made, instead of foisting
the consequences off on others as her normal MO. In addition to constant day care issues she
has plead mental health issues to be able to go home. Nicole likes to play those cards when things
get to hot for her but the reality is she is not mentally unstable in the
context that is presented. On the flip
side when she has the schedule she wants and can do as she pleases her mental
health does wonderfully well. It’s
amazing, really.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole will
go off her medications on a whim or take too much of those medications and
sometimes some that does not belong to her.
She will drink very heavily at times and has just missed being popped on
one of the random drug test that would have revealed her substance abuse
because she just wasn’t called to be tested.
Because of these issues she is unable or unwilling to see the hardship
she causes on the team as a whole and if one of the key members of the team
wants to take some time off that includes a weekend, we do so knowing that it
will create even more of a hardship on the team and managers. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Over the last
2 years I have said little about or to Nicole in the hopes that she would get
bored and just stop but that was not working.
Partly because when she starts to focus her negative attention on
another person, I have redirected it back towards me because I know what I am
dealing with, where they do not. I have
vented to trusted people about the situation so I could deal with it when I had
hit my limit but have done nothing to get her out of the department after the
first initial blowup. The last few months
have been extra stressful for a lot of us and things have reached a breaking
point because she is often over-heard talking negatively about me by managers
and other key people. I had spent time
trying to get those people who over hear Nicole to let it go because it is not
worth it but I have now stopped that as well and will let the chips fall where
they may. I have spoken to the ones who
are being manipulated and told them the truth about her life and lies and since
they have the information to do with as they will, it has made it harder for
Nicole to get her way. That in my
opinion is one cause of this campaign she has escalated over the last few
months.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole has
found a perfect way to get around me telling the truth about her machinations
by using Natalie and her disability to her advantage. It is noticed by several people and it is
Natalie’s choice to be used but it is also my choice to defend myself and my
team against the constant turmoil they create.
Nicole likes to boss others around no matter the department and spends
way too little time watching what she is doing herself. One example is she knocked a gallon of milk
off when doing a delivery one day and called for someone else to come clean up
the mess. No one came and she left it
there for an hour before having to be told by a manager which was Chonte, to go
clean it up herself. It is on video if you would like to see for yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">I rarely
bring any of her mistakes, honest or otherwise, to her attention because it is
not worth the backlash that will happen. I simply just correct them and move
on. But Nicole gets complaints and FYI’s
more than any other home shopper next to Natalie. Nicole is sometimes rude to the customers on
the floor and on the phone. Nicole
accepts no responsibility for her actions and will actively deflect it whenever
possible. Natalie’s complaints are from
poor quality of work and bags left behind.
While it has taken 2 years, Nicole finally shops fairly decently if not
as quickly as she is able and she now also handles the phone and deliveries
fairly well after causing all the issues about it before the phone
schedule. That’s about the best we are
going to get from her. Nicole does have
a way with those with special needs and that is a point in her favor. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">The last
weekend where Nicole called out on another Saturday, we had a particularly hard
Sunday and I come into work on Monday to see her working to get her hours while
not being on the schedule. That was my
last straw and I sat down with Christine and explained that I am done carrying
the extra weight of this team when she comes and goes as she pleases while no
one can or does anything about it. Nicole
has been working the systems for ages and therefore cannot be documented. For
me these 2 are the main reason we are going to have a home shop meeting that
will inconvenience many who are not on the schedule. Although I am sure
Christine wants to address other issues within the team. I planned on addressing her divisiveness in
front of the whole team and expect an explosion soon after it is over. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Nicole has a
team work mentality when it suits her and only with others that she believes is
on her ‘side’. She has cultivated this
mentality with a few other part times and sets a poor example of work ethics as
well as ethics in general. I think the
team members are tired of being forced to pick a side and Nicole is certainly
pushing for them to do so. The people I
have mentioned in this letter and the other are managers who are witness to her
behaviors and lack of team work when it comes to me. I have left all the other home shoppers out
of this because it is the right thing to do.
Debbie in floral has volunteered to come forward and share what she has
heard. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;"> I close 5 days a week because it is needed as
we are heavily weighted to the morning hours with availability. It also helps
me to know I can get on a sleep schedule.
I have one other reliable part timer, Jane, who also works another full
time job outside of HT as well as working every weekend. Jane deserves a raise for enduring the heavy
loads on the weekend with me. I rarely
call out and when I do it is because something bad has happened or that rare
occasion that I get sick. My goal for
this job has remained the same, which is to get the whole job done so we can
ALL go home. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">I am a
naturally sarcastic person and most of us in home shop have big
personalities. I have no issue with big
personalities and enjoy the difference of opinions within the group. If this was about clashing personalities it
would be much easier to deal with but with this division, this is about 2
people who want much at others expense and are willing to say or do anything to
make it happen. They are the ones who
are creating and fostering a hostile work environment whether they are aware of
it or not. I am also quite aware that
not everyone is good or bad and most of us are a mix of the two. I also understand that we are not all cut out
to do every job and with home shop being a highly physical and often time
stressful in the best of times, it is not for everyone. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">I have been
frustrated but fairly quiet for the last 2 years with the situation with
Nicole.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">With the added stress of the
recent times, I have reached a point of being fed up with the unnecessary and
never ending game playing that she seems capable of doing forever. Attracting
new hires seems like a herculean effort at this time so I see no end in sight
to this predicament and have to make decisions based on that.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Since school has returned and we are back to
normal in our volume I am also exhausted to the point that I cannot do much on
my days off but the barest of necessities.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Something is going to have to give.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Nicole and I cannot work in the same department any longer so one of us
will have to go and I am okay if it is me.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> </span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">10/28/21 Message from Nicole:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3RWYzIV0tfE/YXtIwwcLkZI/AAAAAAAADFM/itgJURs7T10xq0RN0_1TrQjU6bUHgBqsACLcBGAsYHQ/s1138/1028.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="745" data-original-width="1138" height="257" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3RWYzIV0tfE/YXtIwwcLkZI/AAAAAAAADFM/itgJURs7T10xq0RN0_1TrQjU6bUHgBqsACLcBGAsYHQ/w461-h257/1028.png" width="461" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">And then on 10/29/21 she unsent a message.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G-nAD3RNPTg/YXyEnM16MGI/AAAAAAAADFU/-l3VR0Cl2QMsv_Zy-DgnHuhbxUE_-YQYwCLcBGAsYHQ/s737/NJFB20.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="178" data-original-width="737" height="77" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G-nAD3RNPTg/YXyEnM16MGI/AAAAAAAADFU/-l3VR0Cl2QMsv_Zy-DgnHuhbxUE_-YQYwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/NJFB20.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U9XVWHhZ5is/YYKWCUh5yDI/AAAAAAAADFk/D15Hvi0Kg3ww1U0fJTCkEI-oXrhJgzKNwCLcBGAsYHQ/s740/NJJJFB21.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="740" height="295" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U9XVWHhZ5is/YYKWCUh5yDI/AAAAAAAADFk/D15Hvi0Kg3ww1U0fJTCkEI-oXrhJgzKNwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/NJJJFB21.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Well it's a new year 01/01/2022 and it's as good a time as any to make some serious changes at work. I have gone through the proper channels with no results as expected and have now made it known that I will get Nicole out of my department. While I also plan to look for another job over the next few months, until then I'd like to do so in peace at work.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Over the last 2 years, Nicole has demonstrated that she is physically, mentally and emotionally unable to be quiet about me. I have suspected for a while that she has borderline and/or histrionic personality disorder. These 2 are closely intertwined, are difficult to diagnose and treat for a multitude of reasons.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I have decide to micro manage her completely while she is on the company property until a transfer can be obtained and I have been working on that for about 2 months or so. I have been told that it should happen shortly although she has no idea that I have pushed hard for it to happen and thinks it is her idea. She does not like it in the least and while I have not advocated for her to be fired, if she cannot get her mouth under control I will begin doing so shortly. I also understand that she has a compulsion to slander and deflect any and all blame but that it not going to be my problem any longer. She will have to control her mouth on her own or face my decision to have her removed for the job, what ever it takes. In the next week I plan on having a conversation with her in front of 2 managers and making it clear that she will have to control her compulsion to talk about me or face consequences for her actions. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">I feel like she is a cancer that has metastasized and take full responsibility for it becoming this bad. I will get her out of my department and try to heal some of the damage she has caused. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"> <br /></span>
<span face=""arial" , "sans-serif"" style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br /></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-89921560126381843962019-08-11T22:30:00.002-04:002019-09-14T12:04:51.379-04:00The Heart of the Matter<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8/7: I’ve
spent a day here in Chester and just been sitting with mom. Sometimes we talked about a few issues that
she just can’t seem to get over until she had to stop and redirect the
conversation. I asked a few questions concerning
Linda and she said that she trusts her and so far nothing has been revealed
that would indicate otherwise. The house
is clean, there is food to eat, Peaches the cat has food and a litter box full
of litter. Mom said that Linda has
access to her account and that she hasn’t seen anything suspicious but again I
have no way of verifying and can only hope that everything is okay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">An aide came
by to see mom who is with hospice and there is a DNR taped to the wall next to
the light switch. Mom has withered down
to next than nothing, is struggling to breathe so much and after a time I
finally got the answer of stage 4 COPD.
After googling it, I now have a better understanding of what is going
on. Despite her previous claim over the
phone, mom is at the end with her oxygen level hovering around 15%. She has a hard time eating because it takes
so much energy to eat but that is another cause of the decline. She just can’t get the nutrients she needs. She has lost so much weight as dad had in the
end. While I have read articles about
COPD, it was the more holistic sites that suggested certain supplements that
could help and I’d forward those articles to her. I have no way of knowing if she read them,
but if I had to guess, I’d doubt it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On the first
day with mom, I kept things light and didn’t ask too many questions that didn’t
pertain to her care but after a short while we were sitting on the bed she
asked why did I accuse her of stealing my son?
I didn’t answer immediately because the answer was always the same and
that question was one of the largest issues between us. It had been asked many times in many
different ways over the years and had caused even more friction between us
because while I had made peace with it over the years by writing out what I
remembered, felt and my own culpability in letting it happen. I still had an issue with this very question
being asked so often because I felt that mom was looking for absolution in her
decision and that was something I couldn’t give her. I forgave a lot of things with both of my
parents but in essence mom wasn’t looking for forgiveness, she was looking for
something else. Maybe to be told that
she make the right decision? But this
time during the moment of silence I took before answering because I had to find
a way to give her some peace with it… she said: “I’ve never been more hurt in
my life, than when you said that to me.”
I told her that “I’m sorry I hurt you mom.” She then laid her head on my shoulders and
cried a little before saying that was enough of that. But I held onto her for a little while
because I wanted to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I talked to
her about nothing important and made her laugh a few times which probably was
good and bad at the same time. She said
I made her feel a little better and I can only hope so. I will come down here every other week and
stay the night with her until further notice.
I asked her if she has thought about what she is going to do when and if
Linda cannot come by anymore? She said that
she is working on that and has a line on someone that may be able to… but in my
opinion, mom is struggling hard now to do things and make decisions. She said she was tired of people making
decisions for her and while I can relate wholeheartedly, I’m afraid that her
procrastination in this area may require that more decisions be made for
her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Over the
hours that day I could see and hear that mom was still cagey about certain
topics and I didn’t push. I know that there
was no use in trying to and didn’t want her to feel cornered. She tired easy and I spent more time walking back
and forth outside where the air was fresher even if it was hot outside. The house felt so still and silent like it
was already a house full of ghost. By 10
pm I was ready to go to bed and still didn’t sleep all that well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The second
day at mom’s, I woke up around 5:30 am, had coffee outside and watched some of
the sunrise. It was quiet and peaceful
as I tried to deal with the reality of mom’s dying. It was so different with dad in many ways but
was essentially the same process. With
dad I was here every day and mom is an hour and a half away. Dad had all the paperwork and things that
needed to be taken care of done early when he was still mobile and with mom, we
are scrambling to finish some important things and trying to figure out how to
get her help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During the
last few months of dad’s life he reminisced of different times and he laughed
when he would tell a story. This was a
miracle itself because of the brutally hard childhood, the family that wasn’t
honest or caring, the wars he fought in, the discourse between him and mom,
Trey dying and then being conned by the Montgomery’s out of more than $200,000
in the end. Sure dad had regrets as most
of us do, but he chose to focus on things that were good in the end. I know it was hard, probably an avoidance
technique because he still wasn’t at peace with so many things but he was
trying. For that I am and will always be
grateful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But after
waking I knew I had to ask mom a few hard questions which I dreaded so very
much. I needed to know just what I had
to do in the coming months so I could get a plan together. After fixing her breakfast of one scrambled
egg, I did tell mom what I found when reading about the COPD because when I
asked her if she was dying before the aide showed up, she said she didn’t know. I pointed out the DNR on the wall and she
shrugged. She seemed like she was
distancing herself from what was going on while seeming okay with it at the
same time. It was odd and uncomfortable
for a few moments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I then asked
about a will and POE and hoped that she wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I was surprised to learn that she did have a
will and told her that I was worried about one thing. That was the house I live in and asked if she
took care of that and she said she did, that she left me the house. I told her thank you because, I was too old,
tired and broke to move especially after putting a lot of money into the house
over the last 6 years. When I asked
about the POA, she said that she hadn’t done one yet but she was going to name
Billy as the first one and a girl that was Trey’s friend, Tiffany, as the
second. She said don’t ask me why and I
didn’t. I don’t know if she thought I’d
be mad but I wasn’t. I was relieved that
she had put some thought into it. I did
have to send Tiffany a message asking her full name and address so I could get
the forms filled out. Mom has to sign
with a notary and two witness as well as Billy and Tiffany so it’s going to
take a while to get it together, signed and filed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After
thinking about it some, I can only guess why she chose Tiffany. She was one of five kids that were Trey’s
real friends and mom had become close to them after he died. And they probably became closer still after
another friend died two years later named Danny. I know Tiffany kept in touch with mom over
the years and maybe she was closer to the daughter mom had wanted. She had a good relationship with her own
mother and was a really good girl when I knew her for that short time, so long
ago. I know she cared deeply for mom and
hope that she was able to fill a void that I couldn’t. Mom found some comfort in the kids after
Trey, when all I saw was his absence. I
needed to be alone to heal and she needed those kids. As for Billy, she said, “He stepped up and
took care of most of the stuff for your Grandma.” Again I can only guess that she is either
trying to get him to step up for her and be a part of her life in the end or
maybe she realizes that he can better afford to take the time off from work
than I can. I just don’t know… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told mom
I’m worried about her being there alone and asked if she wanted to move into a
place that can care for her full time.
She was adamant that she didn’t want to go because it was too
expense. I told her “So what? You’ve got
the money, use it.” She just shook her
head. I hate not being able to be there
with her even though I’ve dreaded that moment most of my life. It is so very hard to watch someone you love
in that condition, even if your relationship has been difficult at best for
most of your life. I live simply now but
it’s still pay check to pay check and I’m more than okay with it. It’s just at times like these it makes it
hard to balance bills and responsibilities.
But I’ll figure it out…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now that the
hard questions had an answer, I felt more at peace because mom was finally
making decisions again. I don’t have to
know or understand all the reasons but just to know that she is participating
again, even if it’s a little at a time.
Mom had stopped making decisions and participating in life so long ago
that I’ve forgotten when it started or what it was like to actually get an
answer. She seemed like she was relieved
as well but I can’t be sure. Maybe she
thought I’d be mad at some of the decisions but while I was surprised, I’m not
mad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Again, I was
sitting on the edge of the bed looking out the window, sharing a cigarette with
mom, while she is on oxygen. Yeah, I
know. She starts the conversation by
telling me that she still had a hard time with the way Grandma was when she was
growing up. She had always wondered if Grandma
really loved her or just took her in out of duty. I told her I couldn’t answer that. What I did observe over the years was the
Grandma and Billy both live their life like it’s in a bubble and nothing gets
in that bubble that they don’t want. That’s
when she said she felt like a red headed step child at Billy’s wedding. They don’t get involved or even want to know
most of what goes on and I’ve known for a long time that the issues mom has had
with them both has caused her constant pain, self doubt, and the inability to
move on with her life in any meaningful fashion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom also
told me that she could never understand why I was so angry with her when I was
younger. She has always said that I was
a willful child and when I told her that both her and dad were willful and
stubborn then asked <a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2011/12/where-did-you-get-that-from.html" target="_blank">where do you think I got the double dose from?</a> She just laughed. She stated that she thought I was mad when we
would go to the dollar movies on Fridays if we didn’t come to Grandma’s house. I didn’t understand. I told her I was so bored most of the time
that going to the movies was actually one of the better memories of my
childhood. I then explained that I was
angry but it wasn’t all from her or dad.
She then said how she wished that they both made more money and things
would have been easier. And she said
that Trey said he wished we could all be a family. I broke down at that point because I
understood that on a very deep level. Moms thought process was easy enough to follow
when having a conversation with her over the years even when we bounced from
topic to topic, but this time it was a little harder to keep up with. So I will note here that this writing has
been done in such a way as to help me take bits and pieces of topics and put
them together in one grouping.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We both were
looking out the window at this point and I begin to try and explain some things
that I’ve never put into words for her.
I explained that I was angry because I felt so alone as a child. She was always so tense because of her anger
which stemmed from the hurt with dad. I was
scared of mom as a child because the least little things would set her off and
I would get in trouble for things that kids normally do. As an adult who has delved into the why of
things as much as I can, I now understood that her anger was with dad, but
instead of directing it toward him, she directed it to me. I’ve written out some of the particulars
before but in a nut shell mom was a control freak and dad was an alcoholic and
the combination was unhealthy to say the least.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I said “Mom
you never had any faith in me.” She
responded “I never gave her a reason to have faith in me.” And that was true
too, at least until I was about 23 or so. I also explained that I was bullied
as a child on the bus until I was about 12 and school was difficult for being
ostracized as a fat kid with braces. Mom
said, “She always hated that about my weight.”
Then I jogged her memory of the third grade teacher from hell that would
single out one kid a year and make their life hell by embarrassing them at
every opportunity and paddling that kid whenever she could get away with
it. I had that teacher and I was one of
those kids but never shared the problems with mom I had for fear of getting into
more trouble at home. Years before, mom
said that teacher was a bitch and that she should never have been a teacher.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I went on to
tell mom that there came a breaking point in my life at 12 where I was done
with being hit, hurt and controlled so I had made the decision that if I was
going to be in trouble anyway for things that normal kids did then I was
going to give them all something to be in trouble about. And I meant it. So she now had a better understanding that
while I was angry, it wasn’t all directed at her or because of her. It just was the way it was. So in short I said to mom, “I was never
really allowed to be a child.” For the
first time in my life, I heard her say, “No you didn’t.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom said
that she was so mad at dad because of his drinking and she had eight years
where he didn’t and she was happy then.
She knew he could be the husband that she needed but when he started
drinking again when I got pregnant with Trey that was what broke her
heart. As an adult I can see how deeply
that affected her because I have always been able to see the potential in
people even if it isn’t realized, but to have it realized and then taken away
had to have been much worse in my opinion.
That was just one more thing that added to moms deep pain and it was
something she could never get over much less make decisions to move on with her
life based on that fact instead of living with it in misery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And so as
things circle around in her head that I have termed the Top 10 list of past
hurts, mistakes and regrets, the conversation circles back around to Trey. She broke down as she said how much she
missed him and loved him so much. I
broke down with her and we both cried and hugged. Well I hugged and she could only lean into
it. She said he was so different than I
was and he was a happy kid. He was most
of the time, until the last year or so of his life and most of that had to do
with his father. She recalled a time
when we all went shopping for back to school clothes and how he hated trying on
all the paints mom had selected. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She recalled
that some of the happiest memories for her were the holiday’s at my house. The cooking and cutting up with each
other. I’ve always felt the same about
that. After the incident with the kid
and Trey when he was 6 at Grandma’s house was brought to light against the
direct wishes of Grandma, things were so tense there the following Christmas. Grandma didn’t like the fact that I was not
going to let that go and had confronted this kid’s mother. What happened was wrong on so many levels and
I was not going to sweep it under the rug.
I took up for Trey and made it clearly known to this kid’s mother that
if I heard about the kid doing it again, there would be hell to pay. So when we were all there at Christmas and
things were tense and I was being chastised for doing the right thing, I had
had enough and picked up Trey, our stuff and left. That was the last Christmas at Grandma’s and
a new tradition was born.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom said she
invited Grandma to my house for the next two Christmas’s only to be told that
she couldn’t be away from the Church but then Billy invited her to his house
for a Christmas and Grandma couldn’t pack fast enough. While that hurt mom, I was okay with it and
considered it Grandma’s loss, not mine.
I was 25 when I bought my house and Trey was 7. We had a much better time there than we ever
did at Grandma’s because there wasn’t any pretense or disdain to be dealt with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told mom
that most of my memories of Trey happened at my house and some of the goofy
things I used to see, find or hear. Such
as when he’d walk in he’d look through all the kitchen cabinets to see what
there was to eat and then eat 2 weeks worth of food in 2 days. Or the petrified cheese slice I found behind
the bed he slept in, or the picture I took of him digging in his nose. Or the funny poses he did in the mirror with
sound effects. Or his super hero pj’s
that would inspire him to grab a towel and drape it like a cape. So for a moment we did remember some good
times and I’ll always be grateful that she could see and feel them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She got
quiet again for a moment and asked another of those questions that she just
couldn’t seem to make peace with. “You
know, you couldn’t afford to take care of Trey and I don’t know how you would
have if he hadn’t stayed with me?” As an
adult, I knew that she was right to some degree because if I had to do it
alone, it would have been difficult at best, but that was also most of the
problem. There was no middle ground with
mom at that time. Black or white,
either, or. So the only thing I could
say to her was “I would’ve handled it, but I wouldn’t have raised him the way
you wanted. I know you were worried
about a lot of things and money was one of them but that was never the most
important for me. For me it was to
simply not be miserable and to be me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told mom
that when she showed up at Jamie’s house and basically threw me out again, for
which she denied, that it was just her way of avoiding taking a good hard look
at her life and then making a choice of staying where she was and being miserable or making a change in her life that
could have involved moving out or at least accepting the things that couldn’t
be changed so she could try and find some peace. But by keeping Trey and throwing me out
again, it was a way to stay without having to do either. Mom didn’t respond to that. It’s something she has had a hard time facing
and I wasn’t going to say the rest of it because I am not trying to give her
anything else to hurt over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But I kept
thinking about what Trey said because he had told me several times, about
wanting to be a family too. As far back
as I can remember, I wanted the same thing, just different in the way of having
a strong connection to both of my parents.
Such as working together as opposed to working against each other. I didn’t understand as a child that the
problems I had with mom were due to things that I had no idea about. As an adult I understand more even if I can’t
do anything about it. Also as a mother I
took a different approach with Trey. I
told him the truth about many things and asked him the questions that mom never
could ask me. But I also didn’t dump
things on him that he would have no idea what to do with. I had to learn how to answer his questions
truthfully but without all the unnecessary details that wouldn’t have helped
him when he was younger. I tried to boil
things down to the bottom line and elaborate only when necessary. Most of the time it seemed to work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom then
said to me, “I hope you know that I love you, that I’ve always loved you and I’m
proud of you.” She had told me this a
few times in my life but it meant so much to hear her say it now. I told her, “I love you too and have always
loved you too.” Writing this, I now know
that when I see her again, I will also tell her that I’m sorry that you’ve been
hurting most of your life and I will thank her for what she was able to
do. I know she may ask the same
questions again and I will try to help her find some peace. I just don’t know if she will be able to as
she hasn’t for many, many years.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I didn’t
tell mom that the neighbors had contacted me through FB and then having a
conversation with them by phone was what revealed how bad her health was in
addition to the weird phone calls. She
was still highly aggravated with them over some things whether real or
imagined. I wasn’t there so I don’t know
the truth but I do know that it is probably somewhere in between. While I was there I texted the neighbors on
the basics and told them that mom had hospice in. The neighbor’s wife conveyed that they were
really worried about her and because they didn’t know the details, had no idea
just how bad mom’s health had declined either.
Because of that animosity between them and Linda they didn’t ask. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">They did ask
me if it was Linda or my mom’s problem with them, for which I told them I could
only guess that it started with mom.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Every little thing still gets on her nerves and some of the smallest
slights can be magnified.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I also know
that just because that’s true doesn’t mean that the neighbor wasn’t doing some
things that shouldn’t have been done.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">So
I asked them to just ignore Linda as best they can, don’t engage either of them
and just go on with their life as best they can.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I explained that mom’s oxygen levels were low
and that can contribute to some of her thought process as it affects the brain
too.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">What I didn’t tell them was
sometimes you have to care about people from a distance.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">But that is a lesson they will have to learn
themselves.</span> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Later I've been told that mom's decline started when the neighbor came over to her house and screamed at her about an incident with their child and moms car while she laid in her bed struggling to breathe. The next chapter will go into more details as they become available...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/09/hurricanes-of-life.html" target="_blank">Hurricanes of Life</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-52896380735129124402019-08-04T09:10:00.000-04:002019-10-04T17:25:41.381-04:00The Twilight Zone.. err Years<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Well,
here we are again, documenting things in the current situation of my
life. Yes, I've been quiet because I've been working hard to get to as
peaceful of a point in my life as possible. But as many of you know peace
is a fleeting thing, often times scared away by the actions of others even if
it's unintentional.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So
to quickly recap or fill in the blanks from where I left off because I am bad
with dates and the passing of time, so I use events to help me get somewhat of
a time line going... I moved home with Dad in 2013 to care for him until he
died in August of 2014, sold the camper for which I was really looking forward
to travel to places unknown and put the money into this house. Dad left
me his half and mom signed a quit claim deed over to me for the property which
wasn't filed because she didn't have time to deal with the probate of dad's
will nor could she locate the title to the home at that time. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom
had moved in with her mother and both were deteriorating in health.
Grandma died in February of 2017 and mom decided she wasn't going to go to the
funeral. A lot of family members commented on that and other odd things
they had started to notice as they had been in and out of the house the few
weeks before Grandma passed. I could only state that I understand their
concerns and that there was little I could do because of the stubbornness of my
mom.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For
years I have been asking mom to make some decisions about what she wanted to do
when she was unable to care for herself and the resounding silence was the
usual response but every now and then she would say she didn't care. But make
no mistake about it, mom had a plan of some sorts although she wasn't going to
share it with me. Sometimes it felt like she wanted me to come and live
with her without all my dogs save for Gus who also died in March of 2019.
I even told her that if she wanted my help that she would have to move back
home with me because I don't really know too many people in Chester, know that
jobs are few and far between there and if I was going to live with her again, I
needed a support system to help me keep my sanity. You have no idea what
it took for me to make that offer because the last thing I ever wanted to do in
my life was to live with her again. I did tell her that because I have a
roommate that I love dearly that we would have to expand one of the small rooms
in the house so that she could have her own room. She clearly said I was
crazy that she wasn't doing any of that and she had access to more benefits in
SC. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since
Grandma passed, I would call mom once a week at least and catch her up on the
craziness of work and friends and check on her. She had been going to the
hospital every so often as she had in the past. Nothing life threatening
to my knowledge but still an old established pattern that worked for her. The usual was sinus trouble, COPD and she said it was stress most of the time. A few times she had friends running errands for her or taking her to the doctor
or the ER for whatever reasons. And I know this sounds callous but mom
has gone to the ER so often over the years that ended up being what I termed as her mini vacations (because the doctors rarely if ever found anything wrong),
that when she would have the friends call me to tell me she was in the hospital
again, they wouldn't get the response they were looking for. I guess they
thought I should stop what I'm doing and rush right there. It didn't
happen because if it was really serious then I'd be notified. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One
such incident was around the beginning of the year (I think) where mom had
minor surgery on her sinus and ended up in the ER. At first she said she
had fainted at some time after the procedure and that's when I got my first
call from the family friend. Over time the story evolved to the point
where she said she almost died and that's why they took her to the ER.
She now regrets having the procedure done and has had a lot of issues since
then.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At
some point mom hired house cleaners to come in and then added to the duties of
running errands and doing other things for her. The first was Amanda who
came while Grandma was still alive and mom complained about her a lot
especially toward the end. I went down there one day, which turned out to
be one of the last days Amanda was there and when she answered the door, she
said that she needed to talk to me. Amanda said that she was worried
about mom because she had changed in the time that she had known her. I
asked how so? She said that mom has become more demanding and irritable.
I told her that she has finally met the real Barbara. She's been that way
pretty much my whole life, even if she is subtle about it at times.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There
was another 2 person team that came after Amanda and I am unclear of their
names if they are not one of two that mom talked about most. One is a
Linda that had ties to an old close friend of mom's from Charlotte and
the others name was Mara who is Linda's daughter or niece. Then there was a
Kristy or Krista and I'm not sure where she came from or who was there
first. But over time this Kristy took advantage of mom (which is kinda
shocking in a way because of moms nature and not so much because of her
vulnerability with her age). This Kristy had bought a $1000 phone instead
of a cheaper version because mom was trying to help her but she also wanted to
be able to reach Kristy whenever she wanted to. Mom said that it was a
small charge on her debit card that revealed that Kristy was buying things for
herself as well. The police were involved and mom intended to pursue the
matter in court. </span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here
is messages that I copied and pasted from mom’s FB account from this Kristy or
Krista:</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"></span>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
<!--[endif]--></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Mom: "Do
you remember that you had said that you were going to return the phone and my
key today?</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Kristy:
You don’t remember our conversation yesterday if that’s what you’re thinking. I
told you the Verizon bill & your key have been mailed to you. I was going
to have the phone switched over but you have to verify in order to transfer
from your account. I know it’s confusing for you but I explained this all
different ways I could, until you understood. Now I’m still stuck with no phone
& although you “take the blame” you’re still unwilling to help simplify the
process. This is the best option for you even more so than it would be for me.
Also, I told you I’d come over, explain your bill to you (mail from me with
your key) & also fill your humidifier, take trash & whatever else you
may be needing by now.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom: You
have not paid one dime towards this phone, that belongs to me. You have not
tried to pay at all. If Verizon would give you a contract then they would call
me, in which they have not. It has been 4 days since I have asked for phone and
key to be returned. You said you were transferring information already. Get
information from your old device. Unless you are returning my phone and key Do
Not Come To My House. You are not welcome here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Kristy: I
had paid towards the phone! You owed me $300 for working & I had already
bought over $100 of groceries towards the phone & I took care of the phone
mess on Friday while you had your hair done! It’s all going to show you on the
next bill. You’ve been extremely hostile (out of nowhere) since Monday. I don’t
understand what could’ve possibly happened between Friday & Sunday but you
had already seen the bill long by then & I had messaged you details about
the credits they’re returning.. I thought if I wrote it in a text you could
better understand what I was saying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Kristy: I’ve
been the only one screwed over here. I’m still trying to help you on your phone
bill & for any personal needs. But you’re making it really hard to want to
help you when you’re treating me like dirt. For no reason! I’ve done nothing
but care for you. Nothing more & not an ounce of malicious intent at any
point of our time together!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Kristy: My
bartending job wasn’t able to reach me this week so they gave my shift away. I
owe my car insurance & I now have to pay to start up another phone. When I
already had a phone, until you insisted on replacing mine for a better way of
reaching me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m truly
just trying to do what’s best & what’s right by you as well. I’m so crushed
that you’ve decided to hate me so much over a misunderstanding about a
telephone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">10/28/18,
2:23 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kristy: I
would’ve had the phone off your account long ago, but I need you to let them
call you to verify.. they can tell you right then & there, same thing I’ve
been saying. That the phone will no longer be your responsibility & will
NOT have your name anywhere on it. I have to have my friend with my at the
store though. I’ve been waiting to meet him there since you keep going back
& forth about me bringing the phone back to you. This way will cost us both
less money & you save much more by relieving the owner ship of the device
& payments for it... please to understand that & agree to let Verizon
tell you that as they call to switch it over!? Please!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom: I have
paid you every thing that I possibly owed you as of last Tuesday. You have
repeatedly charged me for hours that you did not work. I paid for all of my
groceries with my debit card that you used. I have receipts for all groceries
that I received. You have never paid a dime towards the phone. You knew that
you were NOT supposed to get an expensive phone. You betrayed my trust and have
harassed me ever since. You had said that you would return the phone by last
Wednesday and did not. Therefore, it is reported as stolen and must be returned
to Verizon. I received a bill from verizon for the first months rent as well as
the activation fee for the phone that you chose it amounted to $280.00. You
have not paid that amount. You demanded $200.00 from me last Tuesday with NO
consideration of what expenses that you have burdened me with.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Kristy: That
is not true at all! If you look closely at those receipts you’ll see that your
card was not used, therefore I had paid towards the phone, even though you’ve
clearly forgotten that agreement we had. You’ve done that all along &
refused to write things down, even after me bringing that to your attention.
You are the one who told me you owed me $200 for hours worked, before having me
work $100 more worth of hours (also your words!) & I had paid over $100
within the groceries...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Also, I told
you I would pay every penny of the device payments & costs, to which you
agreed to! All of that cake to be AFTER you insisted on buying me a new phone
when I already had one, but you couldn’t reach me 24/7...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I would’ve
put everything you owed me, towards the bill! You’re going to be getting over
$100 back in credits towards your next bill also. That is what I had done at
Verizon Friday! Also, $40 of that was billed for a case I had bought to protect
the phone & would’ve absolutely paid that with my next pay. I told you that
Friday as I left to get Carson when you insisted on waiting to pay me for the
days worked that week. You said you’d pay me Monday & I planned to pay you
more towards the bill with that! And further explain to you about the bill
being fixed Friday... You’ve misunderstood all of this & been super hateful
to me numerous times in your confusion! You need someone with
caretaker-training to work with/for you. I just don’t understand how you change
to someone completely different, over night! I hate it for you & me both.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">10/30/18, 2:59 PM</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kristy: I’m
sure someone (Mara/Linda perhaps) has gotten into your head & made me out
to be a monster.. but you should know better!!!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I cared so much for you & I alway made sure
you were safe, fed, happy & didn’t [need] for nothing! I agreed to take care
of Peaches & I meant it! You know I’ve never done you wrong & that this
phone crap was the only issue/misunderstanding... You need to stop being so
angry & lower your stress. You want someone else out there, fine! I hope
you will get the loyalty, honesty, etc. that you got from me! I’ll return the
phone to Verizon, now that I finally know what’s happening with it. I hope
you’ll be happy for the rest of your days. Goodbye"</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And
here is another one that was sent to mom through Mara Vashtog from Kristy or
Krista:</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Messages
from Krista Tuesday "It will cost over <a href="https://www.facebook.com/messages/t/maranicolevastag">$250</a> just
to cancel the line. Why couldn't I just have paid the bill & kept the line?
Or at least had the option to carry my number over to a new prepaid plan? I
told you it would be more on the 1st bill but after that it's only <a href="https://www.facebook.com/messages/t/maranicolevastag">$50</a> extra
per month. That I would gladly" pay! Hell I would've worked just for the
phone. This is terrible. I can't trust anything you say anymore so find other
arrangements for peaches & after I drop these things off tomorrow I will
not be back."</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Thursday
"Your key is in the mail. I will be switching the phone to another account
1st thing tomorrow morning. My friend (the new account holder for my phone)
said that you’re welcome to call him to confirm. I will come out there to do
anything you need until you’re able to find someone "new. I’m sorry this
didn’t work out but I will not leave you without help until you’ve replaced me.
I’ll just come when you’re up to it & you can let me in since I’ve sent my
key back. I’ll call you from a phone this evening as soon as my roommate gets
home to let me use his cell. I hope you’re well today.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Friday
"I have no way to call I’m sorry. I’m going in to Verizon in 1 hour. They
may need to call you to verify the removal of my phone line from your account.
I’m hoping to keep my same number. My week has been extremely difficult without
a phone & I’ve probably missed important calls.. You should get your key
Saturday or Monday. Do you need any help out there or are you fine without me
coming?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Mara: The
girl is insane<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">11/13/18,
6:50 PM<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mara: Called
u but u did not call back. Just called 2 say hey & hope u are ding
well!LU"</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Right
around that time Linda contacted me through text message with mom’s
phone and gave me her telephone number. She had questions about a ceiling
fan globe that she was looking for to replace the one in mom’s front
bedroom. That is the only time I've had any contact with her.
Shortly after that mom stated that she was going to have to find someone else
to help her out because Linda had too much going on to continue to do so.
I believe she did find someone else but again cannot remember their names.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Right
before this exchange around late October or early November mom did something
she has never done before. She sent me a check for $5000 to complete some
repairs on the house. She also bought us both a new computer because mine
died and hers was old too. To say I was shocked speechless would have
been an understatement. This was the first of things that would be
abnormal for mom to do however much it was appreciated. It took a while
to get the computer set up and even longer for me to get it to her because of
the holidays and my schedule at work. I kept all her password the same
and made it as easy as I could for her to use it. I also kept the
passwords stored on my own computer so if she ever got locked out again, I
could help her get back in. That is how I was able to see the messages to
and from these people.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
remember joking with mom one day when she was complaining about the people who
help her out and told her she better slow down or she will run out of helpers
if she doesn't. She didn't believe it for a minute but the reality is I
was much closer to the truth than either of us knew. I know moms’ state
of mind was deteriorating but she seemed to be doing okay most of the
time. It was her health that she was having a lot of issues with and
couldn't find relief anywhere with any doctor. The best I can tell, late
May or early June, when I called her she would state that she had visitor’s, or
another call coming in and she would call me back later. No big
deal. But it continues to this day and the longer it went on the more
worried I became. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In
2 months I've talked to her about 15 minutes total and only because I insisted
that she call back the other person later once. Mom even called me once
and told me she would call me back as soon as I answered the phone. It was
weird, and at first I thought maybe she tapped my number on her phone by
mistake but now I just don't know. She has just about stopped calling
altogether and this is the same woman who would call my cell 2 or 3 times and
if she couldn't get me, start calling my roommate and demand that I call her
back immediately.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Looking
back at my Amazon account I see I had ordered her some herbal sleep supplements
that were delivered by July 9th, which means I ordered them on July the
2nd. One of the early June phone calls with mom revealed that she hadn't
been sleeping well again and she asked me to order and send the herbal
supplement Sleep Thru to her. I told her I would when I make my next
order but it would be a while. She also asked me if I would take care of
her cat if something happened to her and after agreeing she had to go
again. That was about the extent of the conversation. After I knew
the supplements had been delivered, I wanted to verify that she received them
but could not do so at any time thereafter.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
knew something was up when she answered the phone approximately July 23rd and
sounded better than she had in a while. Her voice was clear and she was
alert but stated only that hospice was coming in and she had to go but she
wasn't dying. Click. I waited and called her again and told her I was
coming out on my day off to see her for myself. She said okay and she had
to go again. Click. Monday came and she called and said it wasn't a good
time for me to come and she would talk to me later.
Click. That was then end of that conversation and now I knew I had
to go see her without letting her know I was coming because she would cancel at
the last minute. So I had made plans to go on Tuesday July 30th but
my roommate went to the ER on Sunday the 28th and was in the hospital for
almost a week. I had to take care of the dogs so changed my plans to go
down the Chester on Tuesday August 6th. During this week I tried to call
mom several times at different times with no luck. I ended up leaving her
a voice mail telling her I had figured out an issue with the computers as to
why they were running so slow, so asked her to boot hers up and call me
back. No response.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Shortly
after my roommate got out of the hospital, I got a friends request on FB that I
didn't recognize and let it sit there for a few days before I put it together
that it was moms, neighbors wife. Mom had talked about the neighbor a lot
and was having issues with him (big surprise) but rarely talked about his
wife. I remember her complaining about the neighbors tearing up the back
yard with a vehicle, the garage being messy, him not cutting her grass and a
few other things. Mom seemed to be getting more and more aggravated with
this neighbor and a feud looked like it was brewing. So when I accepted
the request, I sent them a message asking her what was going on over at moms
and their response was to call them, so I did. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During
this conversation, I found out that Linda was back taking
care of mom and things were escalating between her and the
neighbors. The neighbors told me that she had a security system installed
at mom’s house with cameras that may also be inside as well to monitor the
movements of mom and anyone who came in or near the home. Linda was driving mom’s
car some and collecting her mail but may not be giving it to her. Linda
now visits less and less now that the cameras are installed but enough to keep
the discord between her and the neighbors going. Mom hasn't been seen out
of the house in over a month and other than the hospice workers, no other
friends have stopped by. This is classic alienation of a victim when they
are being set up to have their accounts drained and everything else taken from
them. This also puts my phone calls (or lack of response) into a better
perspective.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">After
the late phone call with the neighbors on Friday, August 3rd, I sent a message
through FB to my cousin about the situation and copy and pasted the message to
mom’s brother and went to bed, slept poorly and got up early. I again
copied and pasted the message to several other family members and mom’s close
friends to make them aware of the situation. I also asked one of them if
they knew of someone I could speak to in the police dept in Chester because I
had decided to stop by there first and introduce myself as well as give them a
heads up as to the nature of my visit. I also let the family and friends
know that was my intention and to please keep everything quiet until I found
out more information.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mom’s
brother was also a topic of conversation with my cousin, in the fact that he
will not respond or take any action to help this situation. At least if
the request is coming from me. I have also paid for a background check on
Linda and found little to help determine if she has done this kind of thing
before. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Over
the next few days, I thought a lot about the possibilities with mom and Linda
and tried to make a plan to try and see mom without Linda's knowledge by
leaving as early as I can to have time to stop by the police dept. and get to
moms before Linda's usual arrival between 10 am and 12 pm. Best case
scenario is to get there, knock on mom’s window and not the doorbell because
Linda may have alerts sent to her phone anytime it rings. Mom looks out,
recognizes me and is willing and able to get up and let me in to see her.
I would like to see what's going on and talk to her face to face. I will
go in as if I don't know about Linda's presence or activities and check out her
state of mind if possible. I will have a letter written out in case the
house is wired for audio so mom can read it using a pretext so that if she is
in trouble she will know that I will help her if she wants and needs me
to. When I have gathered as much information as I can I will then ring
the door bell and wait for Linda to arrive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Worst
case scenario is that Linda is confrontational and actions will be taken that
require the police to get involved. I will contact an agency for elder
care and possible abuse if and when needed as well if DSS if that is an option
but I will not wait for the piles of red tape to be cut through if mom is in
trouble. This is the date of August 4th and I will update progress
after my visit and it very well may be time to get mom to make a few decisions
about what she is going to do and if she needs constant care,to start looking
for her a place to have that. The moment I have dreaded for most of my
life is on the way if not already here.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8/5 From neighbor when asked to detail some of the issues with Linda: "</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Im
really hoping that Linda just dislike us but is still good to Barbara! She was
really nice at first, would talk to the kids, ask them how school went, etc. so
I don’t know, it was just such a suddenly dislike after we called to check but
I’m still hoping we are some how wrong about her. Sorry to hear about your
bulldog. That’s Danny’s favorite type of dog. Some how we always end up with a
different kind tho. I wanted to let you know also that Linda came today but
somewhere around 2 she moved her car under the carport and took your moms car
and hasn’t been back. If she isn’t back by this late it probably means she’s
keeping your moms tonight. So if you see the white Volvo but your moms car is
gone then Linda is still gone in it. If I notice her drop it back off I will
try to let you know. "</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">After being there and talking with Linda directly by phone and texting, I found she was doing the best she could with what she had to work with. She has some issues with mom and not only is it understandable but I'd have been surprised if she didn't. She has tried very hard to get through to my mom and that is no easy feat even on a good day. So after hearing both sides between the neighbors and mom, I understand the issues better than before. I am sorry I had to find out this way and hope that Linda understands that I had to check things out because I was going in blind. Mom and Linda believe that the neighbor was looking to inherit my grandmothers house and possibly buy some land that is available. I have no idea why they would believe that it was even possible but when there is money involved things are bound to get messy not matter who is involved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><a href="https://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2019/08/the-heart-of-matter.html" target="_blank">The Heart of the Matter</a></span></span></div>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-19225684636013784332018-08-29T19:12:00.001-04:002018-10-10T15:55:01.022-04:00My long weird journey to being healthier<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As many of my friends know I started this journey around the end of 2012 after seriously using and abusing my body for 40 years. Poor diets, sporadic sleep, low activity, high stress and trauma. So I'll state for the record I'm not a medical or holistic practitioner and I do not advise anyone to undertake any thing found in this article without doing your own serious research and/or finding your own qualified holistic practitioner. The links I have provided are simply for more reading if interested and I do not get paid for anything from anyone on this blog. Most of the information sourced here was gathered quite quickly from sites I have liked on Facebook or SOTT.net and have been used to give you an idea of why I'm doing it or living this way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you are satisfied with western medicine and have good insurance... if there is such a thing, then I doubt you'll be interested in anything here. I get asked sometimes why, how and how long I've been doing this and while there are people who love to talk about their diets and lifestyle, I do not really like talking about it any more especially with people who are mildly curious or indoctrinated into believing that big pharma, big government, the food industry or any other companies really have our best interest at heart. I will volunteer my thoughts on things or products at work when a customer asks and they too are trying to give up the standard american diet (SAD) for a healthier one but I also know that many of my coworkers are just not interested. I mean it is a grocery store and they are all surrounded by food all day or night long. My friends may ask some questions too but their usual response is; I don't think I can do that. But for the few people who are interested enough to try something different and are dissatisfied with their health enough to look at other approaches I can tell you that there is another way and I'm walking it one step at a time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The first and most important step in my opinion is that you have to change your mind set if you are the type to automatically dismiss alternative ideas to what health means or requires. That in itself is a tall order but the next step is to understand how much work it can be then be willing to break it down into manageable steps. Most of us have been conditioned to think, be, feel or do things a certain way and the thought of trying something that is totally different to what we've done before can bring a lot of of negativity front and center in our lives from many others and ourselves. That is a defeatist attitude that can cause you to fail before you've even started. Of course that can apply to many other areas if life but I'm talking about your health and mine too. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I started reading a lot on the diet and health topics it was during the time I was really searching for the meaning of life after Trey had passed. Someone was having a serious health issue that prompted me to look for some relief for them. It then became clear to me that while trying to unify the soul with the mind, that I also had to unify them with the body to be able to see as clearly as I could. All three aspects are important to each other and if I was going to do some serious soul searching I needed to clean my body as well as my mind of the negative emotions, the lies I told, lived and believed and the traumas that had accumulated over the years which had also built up in the body or it's parts. My heart was hurting so much over Trey that I needed to do something and here was new information and some that I had rarely if ever paid much attention too much less practiced any of it. I mean when we are young we rarely pay attention to health advice because we don't yet feel the effects of all the poor choices we make so we falsely believe that we will feel the same at 40 as we do at 20... at least I did if, I ever gave it any thought at all at that age. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I did know I was over weight at about 165 lbs, had sinus and allergy issues sometimes severely, had battled with acne all my life, had a small patch of eczema on my right elbow, had a heavy menstrual cycle where I would be very heavy for a week or more and then have two weeks off then on again and was starting the change of life at this time with hot flashes and a few night sweats. Sometimes things just didn't smell right down there either and I was prone to having yeast infections and UTI's occasionally. I was exhausted all the time and could sleep for many hours with little change. These things are minor in comparison to many of the autoimmune diseases that are prevalent now a days such as diabetes, RA, lupus, IBS and crones to name a few which I've learned stem from <a href="https://www.jillcarnahan.com/2014/07/07/leaky-gut-syndrome-linked-many-autoimmune-diseases/" target="_blank">leaky gut syndrome</a> which causes <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/03/13/nourishing-gut-bacteria.aspx?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=facebookmercola_ranart-ths&utm_campaign=20170701_nourishing-gut-bacteria" target="_blank">inflammation</a>. And with the billion dollar cancer industry that never seems to find a cure, I feel it's safe to say that they are not here to help us heal from any of these ailments. But there had to be a way for me to try to avoid being a long term patient. So I bit the bullet and started reading what I thought was going to be dry and boring material and was surprised to find much of it very interesting and easier to read than I thought.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is during that time reading many articles or excerpts from books such as <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Wheat-Belly-Lose-Weight-Health/dp/1609614798/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498674695&sr=8-1&keywords=wheat+belly" target="_blank">Wheat Belly</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Primal-Body-Primal-Mind-Evolution-Intended/dp/0982184107/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498674749&sr=8-1&keywords=primal+body+primal+mind" target="_blank">Primal Body Primal Mind</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0658012193/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I2ROM9NMRI97PF&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2" target="_blank">Detoxification and Healing</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Detoxify-Die-Sherry-Rogers/dp/1887202048/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498674790&sr=8-1&keywords=detoxify+or+die" target="_blank">Detoxify or Die</a> just to name a few, then reading about many others experiences and experiments of others trying to find a way of eating that encouraged health instead of destroying it. And I read for a long while before I even tried anything. But when you learn just how many of the foods you love are made and with the <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/231319-Top-10-Scariest-Food-Additives" target="_blank">dangerous ingredients</a> that are really not ingredients but science experiments or pure poison and <a href="http://www.undergroundhealth.com/gmo-crops-scientists-agree-its-bio-warfare-on-our-food-supply/" target="_blank">GMO's </a>(Genetically Modified Organisms) masquerading as food, then it becomes so much easier to give up these things that you're addicted to. BTW the <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/food-cravings-engineered-by-industry-1.1395225" target="_blank">R&D</a> that these companies put into the products are <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/394821-The-Health-Wellness-Show-Love-Eating-Crap-Blame-the-Food-Processors" target="_blank">intentionally designed</a> to make you addicted by tweaking the salt, fat, sugar, crunch to chewy ratios while adding little to no nutritional value so that you will eat more of the product trying to sate your bodies natural desire for vitamins and minerals. I do know that when I was a kid many of these products and chemicals weren't developed yet and even the fast food we ate as kids wasn't nearly as dangerous as it is now. But I too eat on the run, in restaurants and from many a boxed dinner over the years and my bad habits were catching up with me quickly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So if you've come this far in learning then the next thing to really understand is the <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/169704-Household-Exposure-To-Toxic-Chemicals-Lurks-Unrecognized" target="_blank">toxic environment</a> the we all live in. If your food and water is toxic... and it is, then you must remember that the <a href="http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/roundup-weedkiller-found-75-air-and-rain-samples-gov-study-finds" target="_blank">air</a> we breathe, the <a href="https://experiencelife.com/article/8-hidden-toxins-whats-lurking-in-your-cleaning-products/" target="_blank">cleaning</a> and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samuel-s-epstein/toxic-chemicals_b_625648.html" target="_blank">beauty products</a> we use, the <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/10/07/health-care-choices-that-can-save-your-life.aspx" target="_blank">pharmaceuticals</a> we ingest, the chemicals we use for <a href="http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/866710" target="_blank">weeds</a> and other outdoor <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-whyte-md-mph/bug-spray-toxic_b_904501.html" target="_blank">aggravations</a>, the <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3706534/Tattoo-inks-potentially-toxic-increase-risk-developing-cancer.html" target="_blank">ink</a> in tattoo's that we may have, the <a href="http://healthybuilding.net/uploads/files/toxic-chemicals-in-building-materials.pdf" target="_blank">materials</a> we use to build and <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/169704-Household-Exposure-To-Toxic-Chemicals-Lurks-Unrecognized" target="_blank">furnish</a> our houses and the <a href="https://enviroklenz.com/toxic-chemicals-found-automobile-interiors/" target="_blank">cars</a> we drive are all toxic to different but still deadly levels when they are accumulated over a long period of time. I've leaned that we can't get away from all toxins because it is everywhere all day long but we can try to lessen the toxic intake and the effects it has on our bodies. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I was ready, I prepared by saying goodbye to the foods I loved but knew were killing me slowly. I told to my friends who asked early on that I'm not afraid of dying but I don't want a long slow painful death and that's the path I was on. I gave up processed foods first and started to make my own food at home using real ingredients. Over time I decided to cook once a week so I'd have food when I got up for breakfast and when I came home from work so it would lessen the temptation to eat things that I shouldn't be eating. As with anything the more you do it the easier it gets to streamline the process and the bonus is that you just have one mess to clean up. So take a day to prep for the week and you'll be much more likely to stick to it. Also I wasn't used to getting up and eating breakfast. I had to train myself to eat in the morning and it took a while to get over the gag reflex as well as the little bit of nausea that came with it. But taking supplements on an empty stomach unless otherwise directed isn't a good idea. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then I gave up wheat, grains of any kind including oats and rice, white potatoes and many other starches, corn and all the by products, legumes which meant most beans and peanut butter, then dairy, then the hardest one... Coca Cola. I had been drinking Coke for so many years and it was my crutch so it was the hardest to give up and switch to water. That took using a few of the natural sodas found at a local health store every so often to curb the cravings but after a while I began to crave the water itself. I also dropped all vegetable or peanut oils, margarine and all the other bad fats that were promoted as being healthy for us in favor or real butter, lard, coconut oils and real olive oil if I could find it. I started using almond or coconut milk in my coffee and no I did not give up coffee! Each time I gave something up I would try and incorporate a better habit and give my body time to acclimate to the changes I was making before taking on the next. The older we are the harder or slower it is for our bodies to adjust to these changes without it going into total shock. I remember I was talking with a woman at the hospital when I was visiting a friend that her 40 something year old son was there in the ICU with a massive heart attack after changing everything in his lifestyle at the first of the year. He had giving up all sorts of things in favor for the AMA standard idea of diet and starting running several mile a day as well. That conversation has stuck with me ever since. Another thing I noted in my journey was that my tasted buds changed after some time and things I didn't like before started to taste better after you get away from all the artificial flavoring. Yes I tried things I didn't like again either because they are good for the body or I wanted something different that would help get over a craving for something I couldn't eat. Example being guacamole. It just looked gross but I got over that and now can eat it just fine. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to try beets again... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There are a lot of semi variations and some of them are called <a href="http://thepaleodiet.com/" target="_blank">Paleo </a></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://thepaleodiet.com/" target="_blank">short for Paleolithic diet or Caveman diet</a> (which is really not a diet at all, it is a lifestyle and what I do)</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <a href="https://aiplifestyle.com/what-is-autoimmune-protocol-diet/" target="_blank">AIP (Auto Immune Protocol)</a>, <a href="https://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/" target="_blank">Whole 30</a>, <a href="http://www.gapsdiet.com/" target="_blank">GAPS, (Gut and Psycology Syndrome Protocol)</a>, <a href="http://scdlifestyle.com/about-the-scd-diet/" target="_blank">SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet</a>, <a href="http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/" target="_blank">Primal</a>, and the <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/09/04/ketogenic-nutritional-ketosis.aspx" target="_blank">Keto or Ketogenic Diet</a> that is like Paleo squared in the terms of restrictions and results. As with most of them it means restricting certain foods depending on what they are doing to your body and introducing nutrient dense food to help fuel your energy requirements. Some people can't have nightshades or eggs or any nuts in their diet because it causes inflammation in their bodies. I can tell you now, I doubt I'd be able to do the Keto diet which is roughly 75 to 80% healthy fats, 15 to 20% protein and 0 to 5% carbs for the day. I have tried but I missed vegetables terribly. While I've read a lot about it and can see the benefits of the different methods I'm now having a hard enough time with Paleo and upping my good fats per day. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So for breakfast I have 2 sausage patties and 3 boiled eggs. For lunch I now have bacon or chicken salad where I used to either eat fruit or a couple of Larabars. And for dinner I select one of the two meats I've cooked and a couple of vegetables. What ever you decide to do, just eating cleanly as possible on your budget while nourishing your body with real, readily absorbed nutrients is the most important factor in eating Paleo. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Two of the other big factors in this journey is <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2017/06/24/stress-related-burnout-causes-ramifications.aspx" target="_blank">stress</a> and <a href="http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/05/26/16-chronological-tips-to-improve-sleep.aspx" target="_blank">sleep</a>. Most of us deal with an incredible amount of stress and some of it is self induced. Stress is the fight or flight response to certain situations and causes the body to produce <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/243686-Stress-Influences-Disease-Study-Reveals-Inflammation-as-the-Culprit" target="_blank">cortisol</a>. Too much of it can damage many of your organs as well as cause a host of other issues and can also hurt any dietary changes you are trying to make. Stress also makes it difficult to concentrate on more important things in life and since I was trying to improve my mind, body and soul it made sense to manage it as best as I could. It took a long time to find things to help but getting out of the bad situation I was in certainly went a long way toward helping. The other is proper sleep. I'm talking about going to bed before 10 pm and getting enough deep sleep to help repair damage done to our bodies during the day. This was a hard one for me because I liked to stay up late and sleep during the day but again it took time and effort to change my habits. I do use Melatonin to replace the Tylenol PM I was using and at first started using 5-HTP along with GABA to help relax before going to bed but I don't have to use those two any longer. I also learned that sleeping in a totally dark room was helpful for our bodies natural repair system to function properly and the cooler the room temp the better. Adding a white noise such as a fan is also helpful when trying to up your sleep quality. My next step will to be try elevating the head of the bed just slightly, about an inch to help the lymph nodes to drain properly. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In tandem with the Paleo diet, I also embarked on the detoxification of my body by using high doses of vitamins, minerals and herbs taken at certain times combined with other techniques such as <a href="https://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/detox-baths-which-ones-are-best-and-for-what-ailments/" target="_blank">detox baths</a> where I soak in hot water for 40 or so minutes using Epson Salt and Baking Soda to help pull the toxins from my skin, which is the biggest organ our body has. You can use things like Apple Cider Vinegar, Hydrogen Peroxide and many different essential oils if you'd like but I was just using the basics. The first 20 minutes pulls toxins out and the last 20 pulls magnesium into out bodies. I've used oil pulling where you melt about 2 Tbs of coconut oil and swish it around your mouth for about 20 minutes then spit it out to pull the toxins out of my mouth. I had a mouth full of dental amalgams that produced all kinds of mercury toxicity as well as root canals that basically left dead roots under the gums which then leached bacteria and other toxins into my bloodstream. In 2007 I had all my teeth removed but one root canal and after reading about it had that one removed too. But even with removal of all this my body still stored all the toxins in the fat and this detoxing was critical in removing as much as possible. I've even tried coffee enemas which are very useful if not just gross and a pain to do. But beware that using high doses of vitamins and herbs may have a few draw backs such as you should NOT combine some of them with certain medications and medicinal herbs are very powerful especially in the right combination so, I would learn as much as possible before embarking on this route.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This journey is one that will be a long one with much to read and experience and that of course includes the <a href="http://www.rxlist.com/supplements/article.htm" target="_blank">vitamins, minerals and herbs</a> themselves. I needed to learn about each one, what they were, what it helped, how much and when to take them. There are a lot of different ones and the most important ones for me are magnesium, vitamins C & D with K2, probiotics, milk thistle and fish oil. Quality is important and sourcing the best ones for your budget takes time but if you are buying them from one of the major box stores you will be wasting your money because as always there are companies that use the cheapest ingredients and fillers to make a buck and those companies give the rest of the industry a bad rep. I still take more than these twice a day but these are the basics and the rest is for specific issues I still deal with. I started using a lot when I decided to take the journey and part of the detox process includes flushing each organ starting with the kidneys and colon preparing them to be able to flush out the toxins efficiently then working on the parasites and yeast build up that we all have, then moving on to the liver and gallbladder flushes where the toxins are filtered through and then hopefully moving on to the heavy medal detoxing which I desperately needed to undertake. Everything seemed to be going well until I found myself in the <a href="https://www.globalhealingcenter.com/natural-health/what-is-a-healing-crisis/" target="_blank">healing crises</a> stage or the Jarisch- Herxheimer reaction </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">which is the official name of it. It was a mild one at first where my left ear became full of fluid which I could hear moving around but I couldn't hear anything else out of it. It started just after a beach trip where I went swimming in a hotel pool and it continued long after I came home. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A few months prior to this I had started seeing a Chiropractor to help ease some of the lower back and neck pain I was having and as we talked he referred me to his then wife a Eastern Holistic Practitioner which specialized in natural whole food supplements and acupuncture based on <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traditional_Chinese_medicine" target="_blank">Chinese medicine</a> and techniques. I was hesitant to say the least but had tried everything I could think of including every google search to find a way to unblock my ear to no avail. So I set up an appointment with her and the first consult was a very weird experience for someone like me who's never visited anything other than a western doctors office. For the record I did visit the western doctors office first about my ear and knew after much research that I needed an antiviral to help unblock the mucus. The doctor argued with me about it several times and wanted me to take an antibiotic for it which I also knew wouldn't do a thing for it but mess up my gut even more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So the first visit with what I now just call my Nutritionist started with the typical questions of what problems are you having and medical history. She told me that getting to the root of the problems would take time and require that I stick to the regimen to see results. She then had me lay down on a table with my head slightly elevated holding my right arm straight in the air where she used her left hand to touch either pressure points or vital energy centers called chi or qi and then used her right arm to test the resistance in my right arm. If a center was strong then I'd be able to withstand the slight pressure she applied easily, but if it was weak then she'd be able to push my arm down quite easily herself. It is sort of an <a href="https://www.drweil.com/health-wellness/balanced-living/wellness-therapies/applied-kinesiology/" target="_blank">Applied Kinesiology</a> I think based on my reading and yes I know it sounds hokey at best. She also used this technique to determine any foods I should avoid and I was already avoiding all on the list which made it much easier to keep doing so. She again used the same technique to prescribe certain supplements for me and advised that my adrenal glands were wiped out, my liver and gallbladder were in bad shape and scheduled me to go for a blood test to see what my levels of deficiencies in certain things were. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I gathered my large bag of supplements and left doubting that this had a chance of working but was still willing to give it a try.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A few months went my, I had moved to Dad's and the act of physically moving, cleaning and stress I was under caused me to lose a lot of weight in a short period of time. I got down to a 113 lbs and into a size 4 pants that I hadn't seen since kindergarten. I knew I wouldn't stay at that weight for long because it was just to skinny for me and once things settled down a bit I would gain some of it back and I did. My normal weight seems to be between 125 and 130 lbs. I still continued to see the Nutritionist and things started to change like the circles under my eyes were no longer black, they had faded to a light gray. The changes in eating habits had also helped with many of the issues listed earlier and I was feeling a little better each day. Then one day as I'm out walking Gus my ear just popped open and I could hear again. It was amazing to me and that's when I lovingly started calling my Nutritionist the Witch Doctor because that's was it felt like. Interesting enough, one of the supplements I was on at the time was an natural antiviral, just like what I had asked the western doctor for. Imagine that? Please note that not every holistic practitioner is created equal. I got lucky and for me that is a rare thing. I would do some if not a lot of research on the practitioner you are thinking about going to, even if you are referred to them. I asked a lot of questions in the beginning about what she was doing, what my issues were and what did each supplement do for these issues. Since then I have learned that when I took a natural remedy before I changed my diet and others things and found that it wasn't effective it was because I was still trying to treat a symptom of another underlying issue and not the root cause. It was like putting a band aid on a gun shot wound. Now however, I do find relief from many problems using these treatments correctly because I keep cleaning my body and have a better understanding of what the real problems are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As time went on I found I couldn't keep up with doing the maintenance flushes or detox baths here because of time, energy, money and Dad kept the hot water heater at the lowest settings which didn't do much good for the baths. I still maintained the diet which can be a challenge working in a grocery store and living with others who do not. I eventually got the hot water heater turned up high enough for the baths to resume but got lazy in taking the time to do them. When you are caring for someone who is in the last stages of life, it is harder to find the time to take care of yourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then one day last year the Nutritionist told me I had a problem with yeast and that's why I have low energy, itchy dry skin in places, gained weight back up to 147 lbs and the yeast was causing the supplements to only be effective for a short time on any infections that cropped up. She advised that I give up ALL sugar for at least 30 days and I tried. I really did. Everything up until this point was like a cake walk compared to this. The cravings were so intense that I have a better appreciation for anyone trying to kick any hard drug out there because sugar is as addictive as a drug. And it is in everything. Just read the labels like I do but when also trying to avoid many of the chemicals in food. It's in BBQ sauce in the form of molasses which I eat a lot of and of course the fruit and veggies I do get to eat has a lot of sugar or breaks down to sugar which feed the yeast. I had become addicted to HT almond butter which was made with nothing but raw almonds so I could add a spoonful of honey and Himalayan Pink salt to the 16 oz jar combined with 85% dark chocolate as a night time snack or LaraBars which are made of fruit and nuts. As time went on, I found that I was craving more on more sugar and the yeast was the culprit. But on the 29th day of the sugar detox I was about to lose my mind and gave in to have almond butter and the dark chocolate. It was so intense and I felt defeated. Of course the </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nutritionist</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> was disappointed that I gave in but she kept urging me to try again. A year after that, about 8 months ago, I decided that it was time. I had developed a rash on my left eye that seemed to be eyelid dermatitis among the worsening of the other symptoms that had left me no other choice. So I bit the bullet and gave it all up again and more. Now I had to also give up all starches like arrowroot flour that I used as a substitute for flour sometimes, all nuts, cocoa in all forms, peas and carrots. Peas and carrots? Yes. Dang. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not only was I miserable with the cravings itself but again another healing crises arrived and the first was the extremely itchy rash that started near my eyes and spread over my face and neck which I had the first time. Then came the inability to sleep at night for very long or well and then came the constipation which combined with the first two made me as irritable as a bear in a hornets nest hoping it was honey. So instead of sugar I turned to bacon and now I eat A LOT of bacon to help with the temptations. It usually works but after 3 months of being miserable I gave in again and had two LaraBars (20 grams of sugar total) one Monday night and slept better than I had for months and got up the next morning to take the biggest poop I have ever taken in my life. I know TMI but dang, I felt so much better. The next afternoon I was scheduled to see the </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nutritionist</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and I admitted my slip but had got back on the wagon again. Because supplements are expensive and I am still buying some through Amazon, a lot for Gus as well, it is hard for me to tackle all the problems at once. Instead of seeing her once a month as I was doing I had to go every two weeks because the yeast get used to whatever you are using against it so it is beneficial to change the course of treatment to better kill more of them. And she was also helping me manage the yeast die off symptoms which made it more bearable than the first time. I have resumed the detox baths now twice a weeks to help with that as well and started drinking Pau d' Arco and a detox tea in the evenings with a little lemon juice (no sugar) to help as well as give me a little different flavor. As for the baths I was wondering if they really were working but after resuming them this time I found that if I missed one or went too long before I took one I'd feel sluggish and after taking them I'd feel a little lighter. Then I added the apple cider vinegar bath to the rotation to also help with the yeast and found another benefit, it helps make my skin feel smoother and my hair softer. Who knew? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I did hope to be through with this no sugar asap because I really, really wanted some almond butter with chocolate and I also found out something interesting too. Without some sugar life is not as sweet (pardon the pun). I didn't have the joy of cooking like the way I did before and it became just a thing I had to do as quickly as I could to get out of the kitchen. So any food I did eat during that time just doesn't taste as good as it used too. It's like I wasn't cooking with love any more, it was just a chore and it tastes like it. I know it's sad and it wasn't forever but some days it felt like it. I was reading about people who were trying to take the yeast on by themselves and they were having a hellava time with the die off symptoms and other things. I do not advise anyone in their right mind to go off alone because you will really need the support, expertise and proper supplements to get through this without losing your mind. I had been off wheat and many other foods for a long while before I started this and I still had a hard time. I couldn't imagine having to take all this on at once. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am a lot more active now that I ever was partly because my job requires lots of walking all day. I also do a lot on my days off at home and always have something that needs to be fixed, found, cleaned, moved or replaced. I've started back with my chiropractic treatments after 5 years of being unable to afford them. I am also thinking of starting yoga, if I can find the time. Seriously! I need to stretch and help my body deal with normal aches and pains or even prevent them while at work. We'll see how that goes and no, never in a million years did I ever think I'd be trying yoga. But I've bought a mat and googled some videos and tried it a few times. The dogs think its play time so I will have to figure out a way around that too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another part of this journey is dealing with emotional issues that have plagued me for most of my life. Reading of course, the right books for which there are many, help put things into perspective such as <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0787908703/?coliid=I15ME9CQGY4XUS&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">The Narcissistic Family</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0688140718/?coliid=I1015H4S4RU7LB&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Trapped in the Mirror</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1570621810/?coliid=I1D23GR43JI3K6&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Unholy Hungers</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0674013824/?coliid=I2POJBWR5F24HX&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Strangers to Ourselves</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0374275637/?coliid=I21DBAAXHPN6WL&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Thinking Fast and Thinking Slow</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572304510/?coliid=INWUOPZ29EEAV&colid=175HE54MZ9BQ2&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Without a Conscience</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316051888/?coliid=I2SE4S9ANIR6I9&colid=3NKWZJQE3ODA1&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it" target="_blank">Redirect</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Character-Disturbance-phenomenon-our-age/dp/1935166336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535546908&sr=8-1&keywords=character+disturbance&dpID=51HboK02ONL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch" target="_blank">Character Disturbance</a> to name but a few. These are not self help books in the traditional sense but they are packed with information that isn't readily available to many who may need it most. It helps to understand the people around you as much as yourself so you can be prepared to make decisions based on objective truth as much as possible whenever the need arises. In these books I found many answers I had been seeking most of my life and referred to them as I continued to write this blog. Writing itself about my experiences in life helped so much to get it out of my head, see where I had gone wrong and it also forces you to put a period at the end of a chapter, if you can finish it that is. It's a way of finding whatever resolution you can with situations that have caused you a great deal of grief. It's a form of emotional detox with the added bonus of arming you with information that will help you in the future... if you let it! Something else to think about along these lines will be very scary for many people... give up or severely limit your tv, phone and internet time. These devices interfere with brainwaves, your subconscious, your mental health and something called your <a href="https://thecasswiki.net/index.php?title=Frequency_resonance_vibration" target="_blank">frequency resonance vibration</a>. I may watch a show on Netfix or Hulu but I don't binge watch them. Usually 1 or 2 a day if I find something really good. I still play my game on FB but don't read much less interact with many people there, especially during political seasons. The insanity is just so over the top that I ain't doing it. As for my phone, it's usually on my desk or in the locker at work. I don't have it in my hand every minute of the day and I actually turn if off at night. Yes, there is an off button on your phone... somewhere.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because I've been asked about this I will try and explain it here for those of you who still partake in a habit that is now <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/229868-Big-Pharma-wants-you-to-Quit-Smoking" target="_blank">vilified</a> more and more everyday. <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/231973-Smoke-Lies-and-the-Nanny-State" target="_blank">Smoking has become the poster boy for a lot that is bad with the body, environment and society</a>. And maybe to some degree there is a little truth in that because of the added chemicals, toxins and pesticides used on or added to the tobacco that the major cigarette companies use. When I started this journey, I was preparing myself mentally to quit a habit I had started when I was about 13. Yea, I know... But again, I came across information about smoking or tobacco which came as a relief. It is the <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/286009-Research-shows-that-smoking-contributes-to-better-cognitive-function-lowers-levels-of-social-withdrawal-improves-emotional-and-motivational-responses" target="_blank">opposite</a> of what the AMA advises and many who read this will not or cannot even entertain the thought, so if that is you, maybe you want to skip this part. There are <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/287450-The-not-so-surprising-benefits-of-smoking" target="_blank">more</a> and <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/280903-Lets-all-light-up-What-you-dont-know-about-tobacco" target="_blank">more</a> <a href="https://www.livescience.com/15115-5-health-benefits-smoking-disease.html" target="_blank">benefits to smoking</a> and there are cigarettes out there with much fewer chemicals and toxins than the major brands. Smoking is blamed more often for <a href="http://www.journaloftheoretics.com/Editorials/Editorial%201-4.html" target="_blank">lung cancer</a> but may play only a small part if any in that particular disease. My dad died from stage 4 lung cancer and had been smoking for most of his life but instead of looking at all the chemicals and vaccinations from his military days or all the chemicals he used at home the docs blamed it on smoking of course. Those <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/262569-Smoking-The-black-lung-lie" target="_blank">black lung pictures</a> we were shown and told was caused by smoking were in all probability a coal miners lung. I had a friend whose dad was a non smoking coal miner with black lung disease. I have also read that they are using more lungs from smokers for transplants and if that's the case then the lungs must be vetted to be good enough for a transplant. Makes you wonder why the AMA would take another <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/221013-Health-Benefits-of-Smoking-Tobacco" target="_blank">beneficial possibility</a> such as tobacco and vilify it along with others things like supplements? Hmmm... profit possibly or maybe they are trying for a cover up or scapegoat tobacco because the chemical companies have a huge stake in the research of such things. While <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/273565-The-totalitarian-crusade-against-second-hand-smoke" target="_blank">second hand smoke</a> may not be pleasant for some to smell, the <a href="http://www.healthnewsdigest.com/news/contributing%20columnist0/Secondhand-Smoke-Third-Rate-Science.shtml" target="_blank">adverse health effects</a> that are touted are a joke. Some people just have a <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/229863-Its-in-the-genes-smoking-linked-to-specific-genetic-profile" target="_blank">genetic predisposition</a> to smoke... simply put because it's in their <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/307631-Smoking-may-be-in-your-genes" target="_blank">genes</a>. So there are <a href="https://www.sott.net/article/138558-Nicotine-Benefits" target="_blank">reasons</a> why I continue to smoke and enjoy it!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So how do I feel since I've been eating, supplementing, detoxing and exercising this way now for almost 6 years? Better than I did when I started. My skin is clearer (save for the yeast die off rashes), my energy is better than before, but probably will never be great, my monthly has evened out and when it doesn't it's a sign of another issue. The eczema is gone and I rarely have sinus and allergy issues even in the spring when others are suffering. I hadn't had a hot flash or night sweat since I started... until recently. I'm about to turn 47 so it's about that time I guess. My Nutritionist has something for that too! The depression I was under has lifted and I can feel joy again when it comes to little things. My mind is clearer than before even if I don't always use it. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It has made the difference between coming home tired and coming home exhausted to the point of not being able to move. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I still have a lot more to learn and practice but I can advise anyone to listen to your body. It is trying to tell you what is wrong. I now know that a simple thing like a crick in my neck could mean that a low level infection has set in or that your gallbladder and liver could be full of stones which can affect the way you breathe. After you have not eaten a food for a long time and try to reintroduce it back into your diet, pay attention to how it makes you feel and any of the symptoms you may have had before. And as always if you are on any medication that shouldn't be stopped cold turkey then please, please talk to your doctor or health practitioner about that medication and how to get off of it the right way. When talking with a friend of mine after I came home, she decided that she was just going to quit all the antidepressants and other meds. It did not turn out well because she didn't have a back up plan or do it in a way that was healthy... and that it my whole point here. To got as healthy as we can with what we've got. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For the future I want to focus on other areas of interest and one is to be able to explore <a href="https://joovv.com/pages/shop" target="_blank">red light therapy</a>. It seems very interesting and promising. I'd also like to be able to afford more grass fed, organic meats and vegetables which would impact my health in a more positive direction. I'd like to be able to implement other toxic reducing measures around the house and yard and if I stick to it, someday I will. I have learned that any of us can only do so much but taking the first steps in the journey is the most important part. I'm glad I did because who knows what kind of shape I'd be in today if I hadn't. This isn't a quick fix and no one got into the shape they are in over night so don't expect to be out if it in the same time frame. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now lets talk about price. You say it is expensive to change the way you eat or use supplements of good quality and for long periods of time if it's necessary much less find a holistic practitioner and you would be correct. There is also a learning curve and experimenting with what works for you can be even more costly if you haven't done your own research. But you will be paying co-pays later with western doctors visits and or any hospital visits that your insurance doesn't cover. Medical bills are astronomical now a days and it can bury a person or family for many years to come. When I compared the two, I decided to try and avoid the back end cost of poor health by trying to pay in advance or at least up front. I spend between $200 to $ 350 a month to see my doctor depending on the supplements I need and about $100 to $200 a month on supplements for Amazon. My chiropractor visits are $55 a month. My grocery bill is ranging between $200 to $ 300 a month now. I do shop sales at work and have a freezer to stock up on meats when they are on sale. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the other hand there are insurance plans that are costing some people between $300 and $1400 a month depending on the key phrase... preexisting conditions. Even with that there is still out of pocket expenses. the cost of OTC medications and such. I have the most basic plan because I've made the decision now about not doing western treatment for diseases and depending on accidents my bill can and will be very high because of that. It's a trade off for me at this point in my life and I have a living will stating my desires to that effect. And let's face the facts here. It is time consuming to take charge of your own health and life at first with all the reading, learning, purging of the old food and reintroducing the new, finding natural doctors, dealing with any health issues that are affecting your day to day life and balancing all this with work, family or other obligations. That is a tall order especially of you don't feel good or are sick but it can be done, slowly, steadily and you can work with whatever budget you have at the moment. This isn't a race; it's a change in course that will have you going forward, backwards, side to side and sometimes just standing still. It can be done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As a side note my buddy Gus who is an English Bulldog almost 13 years old and giving me the hairy eye at the moment because he is waiting for his nightly treat so we can go to bed is also on a grain free diet with many different supplements because as a pure breed he is prone to all sorts of ailments and health issues. I think many of them are keeping some of his problems at bay such as apple cider vinegar capsules that help him pee. Who knew? I found out the hard way when I ran out one day and he kept trying to go and go and go but nothing would happen. Then it dawned on me what I hadn't given him in a could of days so had to give him the liquid stuff which wasn't pleasant for either of us but he started going again. I hope to make his remaining days with me as comfortable as possible because he is worth it! </span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-8842854347418714412017-05-06T13:19:00.000-04:002017-05-07T12:40:18.859-04:00Changing things within.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You know... I've changed a lot in some aspects and in others, very little. I guess it depends on who you ask, when and if the person you ask is able to really see objectively. That's the challenge at the end of the day... seeing people as they are as well as the world we live in without biased thinking clouding up what is real. I know I am a loner and prefer to do as many things possible on my own as I can. I also know that I have a habit of taking on big projects that cannot possibly be done by myself and that makes for difficult times to say the least. I do crave companionship at certain times but often don't know what to do with it when I have it. Being difficult is something I specialize in without really trying.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Moving home clarified a lot of things for me. Dealing <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">with all that was going on</a> was a big factor because too many people I knew for well over 20 years had turned into people I wouldn't be around if we had just met. It was another traumatic ordeal that still took a lot of time to process even though I had an intellectual understanding of what I was dealing with, the emotional healing took more time. It made me look at all the relationships that I had going on, even the ones where we weren't close any longer, except for a brief message or so. While I may prefer to be alone more often than not, I did reach out and try to keep in touch with those people in my past to see how they were doing and to catch up. Again more often than not they were too busy dealing with their own traumas and burdens to respond. I understood that all too well. Life has a way of taking over and people who are not in your daily life just kind of fade away. But it never stopped me from thinking about them from time to time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So with the the move home I decided to let go of people from my past. Like the Hinson family, anyone associated with Scott with the exception of our neighbor Karen, until she lost her battle with cancer late last year and few other friends that I hadn't spoke to in a long while. Some of the reasons were simple self preservation and others, I didn't want to feel like I was a bother to them or was just plain nosy when I asked questions about their life. But Trey's death not only changed how people saw me or how they responded to me if they responded at all, it changed how I saw them as well. I can only guess that I made them uncomfortable even though I could still empathize with what they were going through. A few would vent about things then follow it up with, I know it pales in comparison to what you've been through, and then the awkward silence followed again by my reassurances that their problems where just as important to me as if Trey was still here. But at the time, I don't think that made much of a difference in their eyes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While Trey's death was the largest catalyst in one of many that caused shifts in my thinking, world views and life in general, it was the gigantic push to make me really start examining why and how did we get here. What started as a very personal search for answers didn't even start immediately just because of the enormity of the loss of Trey and the loss of myself during those first few years. I didn't realize it much at the time because losing myself was so unimportant. I ceased to matter to myself. There was no more hope for the future and I was just ready to go. Every day was just a matter of going through the motions to get the bare minimum done so I could retreat back into this inner world that was filled with loss, pain, guilt, memories, questions and the ever present hope that I would just go to sleep one night and not wake up so I could be with him again and away from this world which I now despised with every fiber of my being. I didn't know how long these feelings would last because it felt like there was no turning back but rationally I knew that with time these feelings would subside.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some of you may think this was unhealthy as did the few now ex friends at the time but it was the only way I knew how to deal with the reality of a loss so staggering that it made any and all previous heartaches look like a walk in the park in comparison. During those other times when I was hurting the only thing that helped was sitting alone with the pain and giving it free rein to run its course. Acknowledging each and every thought and emotion whether it made sense or was valid was the only way I had for even trying to deal with all the changes Trey's death had brought. Dealing with most people had always drained me of energy and at that time I simply had no more to give. I wasn't mean, cruel or heartless, I was just done even trying to pretend that I was okay and interested in the day to day activities that seemed so pointless to me at that time. Did that make me a bad friend or family member? I'm sure it did and to some degree I regret that. But looking back on the types of relationships that I was in, I realized how superficial, conditional and emotionally draining they were. I may not have understood what a healthy relationship was but I had loads of experience in unhealthy relationships and was more than ready to just be alone so I could try and make some sense of the new normal that I was in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Was this selfish? Absolutely. I mean I knew and understood that especially my family were having as difficult time as I was just in their own way. I was powerless to help them anymore than I could help myself because they weren't ready to deal with it at all during this stage of the first year when pushing through the business of death. Then trying to find a peaceful resolution to the problem of my parents unhappy marriage while delaying the time I needed to process everything, I came to the realization that nothing I could or would do would ever be right or enough when it came to them. Turns out I was only half way right. I have wrote before that my family imploded after Trey died, but I didn't write what my involvement in it was or at least the whole thing. That first year for me was nothing but pushing myself to get as much done as possible because I knew I wanted a long break from the responsibilities of owning a house, the near constant drama and the continuation of being the peacemaker with my family. I had hoped that when we started construction on the house the end result would be that mom would have another place to live with the option of coming home if she chose and dad would be able to live his final days here in relative comfort leaving me the choice to finally do what I needed to do which was to go be on my own for a while without having to worry about them and feel guilty because of it. Well it didn't work out like that way as many of you know because of <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2011/12/unwanted-new-world.html" target="_blank">Don the Con (aka Rosco)</a> with my dad and because of a beach trip in 2012 with my mom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">By this time 4 years had passed since Trey had died and I had just started my journey of trying to find those answers of why and how did we end up here. I had begun to read many things about spirituality and books on psychological behaviors in an effort to understand why I am the way I am. To understand that I also needed to understand why other people were the way they were and why was I either attracted to them or vice versa. After sitting with the pain for about 2 and a half years it had eased somewhat or at least enough to let me begin a journey that I had hoped would lead me out of a constant hell I was in emotionally and physically. The situation where I was living was just starting to turn unbearable and mom wanted to go to the beach for a week, so I set up the arrangements and we went. I still don't know why we bothered to go because she couldn't do very much and just wanted to stay in the hotel room the entire time. I mean we could have just skipped the expense of the trip and stayed at home to have the conversation that happened there. The long and short of it was mom kept asking the same questions she had asked for many years looking for a different answer. She was looking for me to tell her she made the right decisions about her and Trey's life, to agree with her about my father and to absolve her from any wrong doing when it came to those decisions. I on the other hand knew that each and every one of us had a hand in the events leading us to Trey's death and would not placate her constant but unbelievably unrealistic recollections of the past where we all were to blame except for herself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was trying to talk to her about problems in my life that were happening right then and it was as if it was of no concern to her, which in reality it wasn't. I had known that for a very long while and yet I kept trying to connect with her. She had stopped making decisions a long time ago yet would complain how miserable her life was. I didn't understand how if a person was so miserable why they didn't at least try to make some changes to alleviate as much of their own suffering as possible. I'm the opposite, I like solutions to problems so that I can have as much peace of mind as possible but I did understand that sometimes you need to take a break from things to deal and regroup. So when everything I had held back over the years while I was being the peacemaker bubbled up to the surface and when she pushed for the answers she wanted to hear, not the truth, I unloaded how I truly felt about everything. Probably not effectively because in an emotionally charged discussion I tend to skip around unlike being able to write things down in a way that makes sense and gets my full point across. Mom deflected much of what I said and her most notable response was one I had heard many times... "But what about me?" We were talking about her and some of the things she could have done to make her own life a bit easier at least in some ways but they did require effort on her part. She then accused me of doing some things in the past, which I admitted to the ones I did do and expressed regret but I also was clear about the ones I didn't do. During the conversation I got so mad I punched the wall and she said you've got you dad in you, you know? I said of course I do because I have 50% of his DNA and that seems to be one of her big issues with me. I know, I had crossed a line that day but I had had enough of holding back my true feelings, thoughts and needs. I said my peace and later in writing through a FB message to get my point across and made peace with the fact that it would make absolutely no difference in then end. Mom was the way she was and there was nothing that would change her point of view or her life. I had just made the hardest decision of that time which was to separate myself from the hope of having a semi normal relationship with her and there was another grieving process that came with that as well. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Was I right in telling her the truth about how I felt? Depends on who you ask. Did it feel right? No it didn't, it was very difficult to tell her but it was something I needed to do. Do I have regrets about it? No not about telling the truth, my regrets are for not telling her sooner because if I had done so it may have been the beginning of a change for both of us which could have lead to a different relationship. If any of you have read any of this blog then you will see a theme here. I do walk away from many relationships where I feel it is either unhealthy or a dead end. Why? I feel like I've wasted enough time with people who aren't willing to work on there own issues, themselves or care enough about me to work on whatever relationship we my have. I just don't have the energy to be the lone person who does most of the work which I feel is important. Through my readings I have learned that it's okay to walk away from spiritually and emotionally draining people who can't or won't take responsibility for themselves. You can not save them and I can not enable them to keep hurting themselves or me. But relationships with our parents are different in they are still your family no matter what may go on. So while my relationship with my mom is strained at best, I still love her and will do what I can to help her but I will not be getting my hopes up again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Moving home to be with dad in the last year and a half of his life was something I needed to do for various reasons but I can tell you it wasn't something I wanted to do. Now, I can tell you that it was the best thing that could have happened. Getting to spend time with him without my mom around helped me see him a bit more clearly. Dad wasn't a saint by any means but he was more open with his mistakes and regrets and the talks we had cleared the air. I hope it gave him some peace before he died because I understood more now about why he was the way he was. I think what surprised me most was his willingness to help other people when they needed it the most. Especially me when I first got home when it came to little things. And he didn't expect very much in return although I made sure things were as easy for him as I could. I didn't mind cooking, cleaning and shopping for him. And for me that was saying something because I didn't really like to do those things for myself. It just came naturally. Although were we both struggling with our own issues and problems the simplicity of our relationship was something we both desperately needed although I didn't even know it at the time. Dad gave me a place where I could just be and that was the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I understand that most relationships are complicated and require compromise. I was usually willing to try the complicated and wasn't deterred by the work that was involved because nothing worth having comes without work. But the relationship I had with Dad during the last few months of his life showed me that it doesn't always have to be complicated and there was a way to work things out to the best of our ability. It was easy to admit I made mistakes when I left him alone with Don the Con and refused his calls for four years. We were both able to forgive each other because we both recognized where we went wrong and admitted it. We forgave each other without even saying it or I'm sorry. It was clear in our actions that we had come to a place of acceptance. Now there were still a lot of little things that didn't get worked out but the big ones where addressed and it seemed to work for both of us. I also understand that during his final days dad was grappling with the end of life regrets, decisions, worries and probably the fear of dying itself. I feel that had a lot to do with our willingness to forgive the past for both of us. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After we got Dads diagnosis, I did send mom a message on FB asking her about what she wanted to do with house, wills and other things around the end of June 2014 which got no response and later another message stating that I didn't want to push her but there was some serious stuff going on around here. If she wanted to respond or know more she should call but I never heard a word from her. So dad and I made the decision to not tell her that he was dying. And things went on like that until about 2 or 3 weeks before the end when he asked me one night to go ahead and call mom. I told him I would in the morning because it was too late to do it then but when we woke up the next morning he had changed his mind and told me not to. I made sure that was what he wanted because I would have called her right then. I knew that no matter what had happened between them he still loved her and missed her very much. It still bothers me to this day that he wasn't able to say what he need to say to her and maybe it's my fault for not just outright calling her. I know I was being selfish to some degree because during those last few weeks Dad was declining and Hospice was here more often with more and more instructions on what needed to be done. I don't know what I would've done without my friend Nic who came here to check on Dad when I was at work and to help me with some of the more physical aspects of moving dad when he couldn't move himself. During all this time I was stressed, worried and facing the loss of my Dad which was hard enough. I just couldn't deal with mom being here unless that was what he would've wanted and then I would have gotten through it I guess. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It wasn't until he had passed that I called mom to tell her the news and she was shocked of course and asked why I hadn't called her before. I had almost told her if she really wanted to know she should've called after my message but I didn't. Then she asked if she could come here for the night. I reluctantly agreed and she came for 2 days instead. We talked of inconsequential things most of the time but when she asked one of those questions she didn't really want to know the answer to, I just changed the subject or when she brought up the past with her and dad, I would cut her off. I had heard all I could from her point of view and didn't want to hear it again. The only thing of relevance I brought up was a question about why she continued her relationship with my ex friend Scott after every thing that had happened and she stated, "I like Scott and he hasn't done anything to me so why not?" I tried to explain that if someone like that had treated someone I loved they way he did, I definitely would have walked away at the very least but she didn't agree. She also volunteered a few tid bits of information concerning things about what my Grandmother had done with her will. Later after Grandma had died I learned that had also turned out to be false and again she claimed that she had never stated such things. Earlier though, when my heat and air unit went out she did loan me the money to get a new one which I am grateful for. While I don't know of the specific motives for either of these opposite actions, I do know the general ideas as to why, because of my reading. It doesn't always help but at least now I have some answers that I can work with as well as tools to use to help me deal with the way she is. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It took a while to get used to being in the house I grew up in alone. It just felt weird after Dad passed, seeing his things and Trey's room too. But Dad's death was in some ways easier than Trey's because I could prepare for it and we had our chance to say goodbye. On that Saturday morning I talked to him off and on for about an hour and a half while he was unconscious hoping that he could at least hear my voice if not the words. I wanted him to know that whatever was on the other side, he'd be able to handle it and the peace he need so desperately would finally be with him. I told him the only judgement he would face would be his own and that this life was nothing but a place for lessons to be learned. I asked him to let go of any hatred he may have had in his heart because that was something that could be problematic later on. I asked him if he would tell Trey I love him for me and I love you Deddy... no matter what... I love you. As soon as I got up to get his next dose of meds he decided it was time to go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To be able to spend those last hours with him is something I will never forget but the most important thing for me was to know that he didn't have to suffer any more mental anguish and that he could be free. Our acceptance and forgiveness of each other was a freeing thing and it has stayed with me since. It took a while to get things settled after his death and to find a balance between work and getting things done around the house that had been neglected for far to long. I had rented out the camper in an effort to make a few extra dollars and ended up having to sell it for next to nothing because by then it needed way more work to repair the damage that had been done to it after the last renters moved out. The death of another dream became a relief in time. I knew that my time of being on the road had passed and my new life here had began. Later I had talked with someone from work who was going to bring his mom here to live and I told him I'm looking for another roommate. His mom called me and she came up about a month later. It's been well over a year now and things are good between us. It's simple and of course no drama. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I got the call that Grandma had broke her hip and then a few weeks later that she was dying, I made several trips down to see her. Mom had called Billy </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(moms half brother) </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to come down to take care of her and handle everything. In a rare admission of one of her key issues, while still not acknowledging the consequences, she stated that she called Billy because she was tired of making decisions and it was his time to handle it. And she meant it too because she rarely came out of her room the entire time. I did talk to her some but made a point to get out there and at least be around the family. I don't know why but I still felt like and outsider to a certain degree, through no fault of any of the family. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't know some of them very well and hadn't tried. During my visits and those last few weeks it again left like we were losing another part of our history and knew that would be the last time the family got together as a whole. When I was down, there were different family members there each time save for Billy and mom. I was apprehensive about seeing Billy because when I first moved home I needed help and wrote him a long detailed message which he read but didn't response to. After 3 months had passed I sent him another message telling him that I was sorry to put him in that position but it not only bothered me that he ignored me completely but that was one of the major problems I saw with this family. Emotional distance when it mattered the most, the lack of honestly and openness and the fact that he needn't worry about me asking him for or about anything again. In true family fashion nothing was brought up and that was that. On the day of Grandma's funeral I was surprised that Mom decided she would not go as were many others in the extended family. She cited she didn't want the added stress and it would be harder for her to breathe. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At the funeral I saw many relatives that I hadn't seen in ages and a few remembered who I was but I confess I had a hard time telling who was who. I got asked a lot about why Mom wasn't there and for the most part I just stated she didn't feel good and left it at that. The one exception was one of my cousins who is very sweet and engaged in her whole family asked me. We had a few moments to speak of things and I gave her the cliff note version. She was genuinely concerned about moms state of mind and our health as a family. How can I explain a life time of dysfunction in 5 minutes or less? In response to an offer to help I did tell her that her and her family seemed normal and I didn't know what to do with normal. Later that day a great Aunt asked me how I was doing and then asked me to not become a hermit like Mom. I just hugged her and assured her I do get out of the house for more than just work but I am doing fine at the moment. Another cousins wife told me that I needed to get ready for my next adventure and when I asked what that may be, she said taking care of Mom. I didn't respond to that because again the explanation would've taken a long while. In reality I have asked Mom several times what she planned on doing when Grandma passes and to date the only response I get is "Can you check on how much it's going to cost to have me cremated?" I'm still not sure what she wants to do in the interim but I have offered to help with anything I can. All she needs to do is make a decision and call me when she needs something. Indecision is a decision in and of itself and I am not going to force her to anything. While I have accepted my Mom and forgiven her as well, it's not the same as it was with Dad and will probably need more work as time goes on and other things happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For myself I am still grappling with the questions as to why am I still here and what more do I have to do and learn to complete this lesson plan. I can tell you this, I have fallen behind on the reading and searching after coming home. I needed time to absorb what was already taken in but since I've been home I try to maintain some clarity and contentment. It is a little easier for me to not get so invested in other peoples issues and I can listen to them without becoming sucked into the vortex of the energy drain. I know a lot of folks are looking for easy or simple solutions to the problems they face and there are very few of those solutions available that don't involve some other form of hard work in another area of their life to compensate. After I'd been home for a while my friend Nic commented to me that I had changed a lot from when we were kids. When asked how so (and I'm seriously paraphrasing here) she said "You used to be a lot more outspoken and would take on a lot of these miserable, lying, cheating people with everything you had." Nic on the other hand was pretty quiet until her late teens early twenties when she started to take on her own types of people like that. To this day she will try and win that battle that I told her was unwinnable because you can argue with the brick walls all you want but at the end of the day it was still a brick wall and you're still standing in the same location as you were when you started. Some times you just have to recognize people for what they are and move on because wasting time and energy with then takes it away from your own life. You don't have to like it but you would be much better off using that same passion for things and people that matter. So now many people may look at my life as rather boring and that's okay, because boring is exactly what I needed for a while. I needed to recharge my batteries and save my energy for the people who matter and that's one positive change that I've been able to make. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In my readings I've learned that it is critically important to know thyself and because positive change can only come when we recognize who we really are and our subconscious desires or issues. I am coming to grips with the fact that I love conditionally with everyone except Trey and that has caused many problems in my relationships with people. In my earlier years I like many others was looking for love from many of the wrong people but never really learned how to feel the love even when it was given from an unexpected source. I have learned that to love is to have knowledge, to have knowledge is to have light and to have light is to love but it has been a struggle for me to have been and be a person who has learned that too many people just can't hear or accept the truth especially about things that are as subjective as feelings. <a href="https://thecasswiki.net/index.php?title=External_vs._internal_considering" target="_blank">External consideration</a> is very important when having relationships while recognizing and neutralizing internal considerations. It was my internal considerations that caused me to hold back many of my true feelings about others until I felt pushed over some invisible line, then would explode with the power of a small volcano. This was not healthy no matter if it felt good at the time or not and it only caused more feelings of frustration, guilt and sometimes shame. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Internal considerations is a form of selfishness and I was a lot more selfish than I realized. Expecting people to be something that fit into my ideas of what they should be or to realize their own potential when they weren't ready, capable or even interested was something I've had to recognize and handle on a case by case basis. Managing my expectations is still a challenge but at least with these tools and more practice I have a better chance of success. Writing things out, even if I don't post them is my way of working out my frustrations with people or situations without sending it and of course without speaking to the person about everything I feel. Now this doesn't mean that I'm not going to be honest if asked about one of these touchy subjects, but it does allow me to try and answer their question in a way that conveys my true feelings and with due consideration to theirs. It has also allowed me to try and strengthen the bonds with the people I care about today. It is not an easy practice and there is still a lot of room for improvement, but it's a start.</span>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-25489304232247271612016-03-02T05:39:00.001-05:002017-01-31T09:06:57.582-05:00The more things change...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The more things change, the more they remain the same. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's a</span>n old adage that seems to be more <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rel<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>vant</span> today than ever before. People I meet or have known for quite a while are still caught up in their day to day life as if nothing of importance is going on outside of the small world they have created for themselves. The<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y don't believe how things in far away places can touch their lives even though it does on a daily basis. </span>Even though they are sick, tired, broke or things are going alright for them they have opinions on what's wrong with the world without being informed other than what they hear on the nightly news, as if that's a reliable source for anything remotely close to the truth. I guess it's still easier if we keep on blaming other people, cultures or religions for the problems rather than understanding that our ignorance is the main culprit and because of it we just can't see <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the forest for the trees</span>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If fear is what drives hatred and the media makes sure that you are plenty scared of everything from <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/311144-Zika-virus-spreading-US-Health-agency-confirms-31-infected-people-in-America" target="_blank">pla</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/311144-Zika-virus-spreading-US-Health-agency-confirms-31-infected-people-in-America" target="_blank">gues</a> to <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313735-Study-shows-that-the-New-York-Times-portrays-Islam-and-Muslims-more-negatively-than-alcohol-cancer-and-cocaine" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">M</span>usl</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313735-Study-shows-that-the-New-York-Times-portrays-Islam-and-Muslims-more-negatively-than-alcohol-cancer-and-cocaine" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i</span>ms</a> now a days, you <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eas<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ily can cross over to hating everything<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. And please notice that there is never a shortage of things to fear when it comes to the media. If they are running low on something, they are not afraid to manufacture <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it out of thin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> air or blame one thing for the problem when it <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">is caused by <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/311368-Microcephaly-Is-it-the-Zika-Virus-or-pesticides-birth-defects" target="_blank">something else</a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>ntirely</span>, just to keep you in check. People <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">who are in fear are easier to control and therefor want to remain dependent on th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">is sick system they have set up for us<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> to protect us from all th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ese bad things... most of which <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">have <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">been created for that very reason.</span></span> Clearly the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> system is not designed <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to protect any of us or the world would not <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">be in the condition it is today.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> It <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">has been designed to exalt the rich, oppress the rest and consume as much of the earth as possible. By this measure I think it has suc<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">cessfully reached it's goal. I understand your fear and a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nger all too well but I've learned that we have been turned against one another for a ver<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y specific reason.</span></span></span></span></span></span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since we are in another election year and the batch of new puppets<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span>to be voted into office is being debated, I'd like to point out again that the <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313504-The-system-is-rigged-Voters-report-irregularities-in-voting-booths-across-the-country-on-Super-Tuesday?utm_content=buffer6408a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">system is rigged</a> from the top down and it really <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313647-Show-will-go-on-Why-it-does-not-matter-who-replaces-Obama-as-President" target="_blank">doesn't matter who wins</a>. It is not broken as many of you may believe, the system was de<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">signed the way it is to benefit the very few at the top a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t the expen<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">se of many at the bottom. </span></span></span>Whatever puppet wins the title of president has probably already been determined and they will have to continue to play the game as instructed by the people who really rule this world. The<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> real rulers</span> are the corporations that have more rights than we humans and pay far less in taxes than you probably did this year, then decides just how those <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/247128-53-Cents-of-Your-Tax-Goes-to-War-Killing-and-Destruction" target="_blank">tax dollars are<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span>spent</a>. And I've ofte<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n wondered just how much is truly spent on each and every campa<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gn that we have to endure and then think about how that money alone could help each and ever<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y human on the earth. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just what do the can<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">didates really have to agree to do in order to g<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">et those large sums of money from the corporations is something of nightmares in and of it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">self. If you are r<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eally being honest with yourself, you know that every campaign if filled with false promises <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and</span> outright lies designed to make you believe that they care for your well being, but after elections, it is <a href="https://www.rutherford.org/publications_resources/john_whiteheads_commentary/reality_check_no_matter_who_wins_the_white_house_the_new_boss_will_be_the_s" target="_blank">business as u</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.rutherford.org/publications_resources/john_whiteheads_commentary/reality_check_no_matter_who_wins_the_white_house_the_new_boss_will_be_the_s" target="_blank">sual</a>... time and again.</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These corporations have decided that <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/262283-Naming-our-nameless-war" target="_blank">war</a> i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s</span> the perpetual norm, <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/156821-Monsanto-History-of-Contamination-and-Cover-up" target="_blank">food</a> and <a href="http://action.storyofstuff.org/sign/nestle_water_privatization_push" target="_blank">water</a> are to be private rights given to a select few who can pay for them, they have decided what we <a href="http://www.thevaccinereaction.org/media/" target="_blank">can</a> and <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/250160-Ohio-Doctor-Helps-Perpetuate-Rape-Pregnancy-Ideas" target="_blank">can't</a> do with our bodies, they have decided what we watch<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, learn and think all through <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the restriction of vital and t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rue information while feed<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ing you a steady diet of propaganda</span></span></span></span>. They have given you an enemy to fear and hate instead of hating them and have decided to wipe out whole populations just because they can<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and while they would like for your approval to continue to do <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">so... it really isn't needed any lon<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ger</span></span></span>. They know that the <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313177-The-cult-of-ignorance-in-the-United-States-Anti-intellectualism-and-the-dumbing-down-of-America" target="_blank">dumbing down of America</a> ha<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s succeeded and they have n<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eutr<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a</span>lized many of the intellect<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">u</span>als who have spoken out <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">against the institution of oppression we all now live under. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span> </span></span> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When you look around, that is if you can lo<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ok up from your phone, you will see what you expect to see unless you really start to pay more attention to what is really happening around you and around the world. The only way you can do that is to educate yourself about<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the facts and if you are rel<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ying only on main steam news, papers and of course the farce of the scientific community the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n you are not educati<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ng yourself, you are further indoctrinating yourself<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. I know how easy it is to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">get caught up in the soundbites and headlines because even if you know that there is something very wrong with the world we live in<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, it's much harder to determine the root cause of these problems</span></span>. It's <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">also much harder to dig deeper and go against the beliefs we have been living with for most of our lives to put yourself in an uncomfortable position of really thinking about the greed <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that we all live with or under <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in this</span> sick society we have accepted as normal. But i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nstead of blaming other humans for this sickness <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it would be be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nefi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">cial to look <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for</span> the root of the problems and not the symptoms. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So</span> how about looking at it from the eyes of a child or better y<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">et the e<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">yes of your own<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> child. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Children have to be taught hatred, apathy, greed, cruelity and any other behavior that is counterintuitive to what it is to be a human being. What we are teaching our children whether we know it or not is that i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t's not important to be someone who is paying attention, who cares about another person whether they are a neighbor living near or far or their future is not important because <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">if we keep making these choices to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">support fear, hatred and the destruction of society as a whole</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">... they will not have a future to look forward to that is healthy, happy and whole. After <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">children are born we fill them with <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://yournewswire.com/doctor-says-historical-data-on-vaccines-prove-they-dont-work/" target="_blank">vaccines</a> that cause m<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ore har<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">m than health<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313511-Terminal-apathy-junk-food-What-rats-say-about-Americans?utm_content=buffer2e582&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">feed them ju</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313511-Terminal-apathy-junk-food-What-rats-say-about-Americans?utm_content=buffer2e582&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">nk</a> and turn them loose<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> so the TV can raise them with the <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">valu<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">es it chooses<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> kids</span> are old enough we send them to what passes for school to sit in a chair for hours a day <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">so they can memor<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ize <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what passes for facts these days and when they can't we <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/314642-Drugging-our-children-Study-suggests-millions-of-children-misdiagnosed-with-ADHD-because-of-their-age" target="_blank">drug</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/314642-Drugging-our-children-Study-suggests-millions-of-children-misdiagnosed-with-ADHD-because-of-their-age" target="_blank"> them</a> so they can be more manageable. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>If you a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">re the type of parent who tries their best to instill values by teaching your children and think that the above does not apply to you, think again. You will send your kids out into the world at some point in their lives and they will interact with many of these types of kids. At certain points in their development they will become more independ<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ent and will learn much more from their peers than you would have ever thought possible. This society has fostered a very narc<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i</span>ssistic approach to what it means to be a human being and the d<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">isease <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">seems to be contagious. </span></span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then they<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> are subjected to incre<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i</span>ble student debt if they want to further their own indoctrination in <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">higher educ<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ation or agree to go and fight in a war they didn't chose <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">possibly might die in</span></span>. </span></span> </span></span>All this so they can find a job <a href="http://www.wakingtimes.com/2016/03/02/3-signs-corporate-work-culture-has-become-toxic-to-the-human-spirit/" target="_blank">working 40 to 80 hours a week</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> until they die to pay for houses and cars they can't afford and all the <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/305986-The-vicious-cycle-of-addictive-buying-has-consumed-the-average-Americans-life" target="_blank">c</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/305986-The-vicious-cycle-of-addictive-buying-has-consumed-the-average-Americans-life" target="_blank">rap adv<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">er</span>tisers</a> swear <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/314719-Learning-to-live-a-sustainable-life-in-a-material-world" target="_blank">we can't live without</a> at the expense of spending time with the people we love</span>. And do<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n'</span>t forget the fact we must insure everything we own including our lives and death so th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ese compan<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ies can decide just how little of value we really are when we need them most. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Then we wonder what happened when they end up with major health problems, addiction, in jail or dead from so<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">me random act of violence or suicide. This is not a future I'd like to see for any child but I guess in some war torn countries where the kids have endure<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d the bombing of their homes while watching <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">their families die at an alarming rate, scav<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">engin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">g for whatever food scraps are available and living in constant fear that they will be next... our bleak situation he<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">re at home looks like a walk in the park.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We do this to our own children so we ourselves can go to work a job that we probably hate to make <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">just enough money to pay <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the most basic of bills. It's the continual rat race on a wheel that goes nowhere and yet we willing if not happily get on that wheel and run<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, run, run. </span>While you are at work you look around and see there are many just like you, although you don't have the time to get too close t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o them <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">or</span> some times you may even hate the people you work with. The work loads of you and your coworkers increase so often when someone leaves and the <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">company decides not to replace them so they can have just a little more in the bottom line at the end of the year. As you read or hear about another corporation closing down here in the US so they can send <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it <a href="http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/lou.dobbs.tonight/popups/exporting.america/content.html" target="_blank">overseas</a> to be done for a fraction of the cost they pay you, you be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gan to str<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ess about not if but when <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it's</span> going to happen to you. Because deep down you know it is coming<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and you are <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">simmering with anger due to the fear of losing what little you may have at the moment. </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But let's look at the flip side for just a moment. The job that you were doing can go to a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nother person who is force<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d to work twice as long for a fraction of what they were paying you just so they can try and support their family as well. Often in living conditions that would be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> deemed <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">close to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">inhabitab<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">le by most of us, without health care, days off, safety regulations or any of the luxur<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ies that the middle class used <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to enjoy. And yet you are going to despise that person who is anoth<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">er human being ins<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">tead of the CEO <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and shareholders of that company for making this decision for both of you in the first p<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">lace. You have been taught to admire these CEO's and share<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">holde<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rs because they are wealthy <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nd sold the false American dream that you too could be just like them. But ca<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n you be just like them? Heartlessly putting profits before people consist<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>ntly just so you can fatten your own bank account while you watch the world tear itself apart bit by bit. These people may look human but they have no conscience<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, no empathy, no m<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">orals and certainly no hesitation about the destruction they cause whether i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t is laying off thousands of people or sending young men and women to die i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n a war that was manufactured just so they can either rape the land<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> o</span>f it's <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">natural resources or continue to make them <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">even more richer or more powerful. If fact it's thrilling f<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">or them and it causes them much joy to see the heartache th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ey have inflicted. </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y are called psychopaths and they have no problems <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313764-Crimes-against-humanity-Government-bickers-over-cleanup-costs-while-Flint-MI-lead-poisoning-continues" target="_blank">poisoning the water with lead</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">,</span> f<a href="http://www.sott.net/article/182690-The-Consequences-of-Using-Fluoride" target="_blank">luoride</a>, <a href="http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2014/02/04/3244981/coal-ash-drained-dan-river/" target="_blank">coal ash</a> and other toxic chemicals while they <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/311159-State-Officials-in-Flint-Got-Bottled-Water-10-Months-Before-the-Public" target="_blank">drink filtered purified water</a> and <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/309232-Michigan-state-officials-lied-about-lead-in-Flints-water-knowingly-poisoning-countless-children" target="_blank">do nothing</a> that will aid <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the people in times of crisis</span>. They have no problems feeding you the cheapest chemical laden <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">stuff that passes for food while they enjoy clean eating to keep their <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">up their health. They have no problems destroying the land <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">or soil<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and the air we breathe because it is far cheaper for them to pollute it tha<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n</span> not and now they are trying to make it <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313754-Monsantos-dirty-dealings-chemical-reform-bill-could-grant-the-evil-empire-legal-immunity-for-PCB-pollution" target="_blank">le</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313754-Monsantos-dirty-dealings-chemical-reform-bill-could-grant-the-evil-empire-legal-immunity-for-PCB-pollution" target="_blank">gal</a> so they can get away with killing us for free</span>. They have no problem selling you <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/314546-America-A-deeply-unhappy-and-drugged-up-nation?utm_content=buffer22c42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">pharmaceuticals</a> that treat or manage your health issues they <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/207025-Health-Insurance-Companies-Invest-Billions-in-Fast-Food-Chains" target="_blank">helped cause</a> and <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313495-Sick-care-in-America-a-snap-shot?utm_content=buffer75d7f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">they are not interested in curing anything</a>. It's bad for business and their bank account and now do<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ctors are the biggest <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">drug dealers aroun<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d these days</span></span></span>... all perfectly legal of course. They are not interested in your education of holistic livi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ng and spend millions trying to debunk it's benefits so they can </span>make sure you are completely indoc<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">trinated and dependent on the sy<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">stem th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ey have created for you. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The psychopaths have made you ha<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">te people depend<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ent on social programs such as welfa<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">re and <a href="http://gawker.com/in-one-month-we-will-begin-intentionally-starving-poor-1761588216" target="_blank">food stamps</a> while they themselves are the biggest winners of tax breaks and incentives to do business here is the US. For the people who were so behind the idea that all welfare dependents should be subjected to a <a href="http://www.salon.com/2015/10/17/5_reasons_drug_testing_welfare_recipients_is_profoundly_stupid_partner/" target="_blank">drug test</a>, I'd like to point out that it was another huge win for the pharmaceutical i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ndustry for the test are expensi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ve and they have made a fortune admin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i</span>stering them but the results showed that less than 8% of the people where actually using <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and that was <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the</span> national average. For NC it was about 3<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">%, <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">far lower tha<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n the average. And let's not forget Obamacare that was supposed to help people who couldn't afford or get health insurance <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">due to pre<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">exis<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ting con<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ditions</span></span></span></span>. Never mind that the poor <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">are</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">forced to pay an<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> ever increasing</span> extortion fee at the end of the year for not having it</span></span></span>, the price of policies rose substant<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i</span>ally, the <a href="http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/how-army-pharma-lobbyists-washington-have-locked-one-biggest-corporate-ripoff" target="_blank">price of drugs</a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">has</span> <a href="https://www.rt.com/usa/334004-drug-prices-doubled-years/" target="_blank">risen through the roof</a> and again the insurance companies have made another fortune... despite the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ir claim of losing money like BCBS is. That's the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ir reason <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">for <a href="http://www.greensboro.com/blue-cross-blue-shield-of-north-carolina-might-pull-out/article_91f72803-be8b-5003-8668-8271b80ff49f.html" target="_blank">pulling out</a> of some o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f the ru<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ral areas here in NC<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> leaving way to many to either pay the fines or find other outrageously priced plans.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I too <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">am</span> the type of person who <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">goes</span> to work everyday and rarely miss it for being sick. I cashed in more vacation time than I ever took because I usually needed the money for one thin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">g or another. I was also frustrated that there were people out there who seemed to beat the s<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ystem at their own game and I resented the hell out of it. I felt that if I had to work so very hard to make my way in life that they should too. But even before 2008 when my world changed forever I would lie in bed at night and thin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">k about the corporate world and be even more frustrated at the constant greed I saw in everyday living. I was tired, stressed to the bone of handling it all with little help from the people in my life and was circling the drain of burn out. I knew there was no<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> help</span> forthcoming from anywhere else<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and I made peace with it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the best <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I could. But I would also wonder <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/314589-Giving-everyone-a-basic-income-might-eliminate-poverty-and-have-wide-ranging-positive-social-impacts?utm_content=buffera1f00&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer" target="_blank">what it was like</a> to be able to make ends meet without having to pull <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">all those long hours and actually have time, ener<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gy</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and money to do some of the things I wanted to do. The<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n after a while it dawned on me that most of us will never be <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">truly free. We don't have the freedom to travel to see what else is out there<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> very often if at all. We don't have the freedom to spend time with the people who matter to us the most or to even do things we have dreamed of doing after reti<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rement such as gardening or whatever <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">makes your heart happy. Today, I know like many of you, I will work until the day I die and that is economic slavery at its best. W<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ho needs chains when we can be <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>nslaved by ou<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">r</span> society with the debt we have upon us to just to survive?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/245258-Americas-Top-Prison-Corporation-A-Study-in-Predatory-Capitalism-and-Cronyism" target="_blank">privati</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/245258-Americas-Top-Prison-Corporation-A-Study-in-Predatory-Capitalism-and-Cronyism" target="_blank">zation of our prison systems</a> has resulted in many <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">people incarc<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>rated for the <a href="http://thefreethoughtproject.com/womans-son-skipped-school-died-prison/" target="_blank">trivialist</a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">of </span>reasons and the ones who do perpetuate the most horrific of crimes from <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/300814-One-of-the-greatest-cons-in-central-banking-history" target="_blank">steal</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/300814-One-of-the-greatest-cons-in-central-banking-history" target="_blank">ing peoples livelyhoo<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ds or </span>retirements</a> to <a href="http://crooksandliars.com/2014/03/dick-cheney-stands-his-torture-are-us" target="_blank">war criminals</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, go free and continue to expect for us to bail them out over and over again. Now I'm not saying <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">that the most violent of common criminals shouldn't <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">be in pr<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ison becaus<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e they should but this system allows those to get out sooner than some people who <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">were convicted on a much smaller crime. The laws we have are biased<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">,</span> some are just plain unjust and they are not uniformly enfor<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ced for everyone<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. In this system it matters how much money you have and how many people you can bribe to stay out of jail<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">... that is if <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">they</span> are even caught i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n the first place. It speaks volumes that the US has the mos<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t incarcerated population in the world and yet crime contin<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ues to rise despite what the news is reporting. More and more people are <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>mulating <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what they see around them and play into the trap believing that they too can get away with m<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">urder, rape<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and</span> robbery just like so many of the people in power. </span></span> A<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">lso</span> more and more people who find themselves in situations of hopeless will a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">lso find </span>the more they <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">have to</span> do just to survi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ve. The <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/231370-The-War-On-Drugs-Is-A-2-5-Trillion-Racket-How-Big-Banks-Private-Military-Companies-And-The-Prison-Industry-Cash-In" target="_blank">wa<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">r</span> on drugs</a> is a complete con job that benefits the ph<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">am<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a</span>ceutical industry, <a href="http://www.trueactivist.com/made-in-america-how-these-7-popular-companies-are-exploiting-prisoners-and-ruining-the-economy/" target="_blank">the prison system</a>, the government agencies around <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the world, some of the most violent criminals and of course is being used as another way to break <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">society down so they are more manageable. A better solution i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s</span> to decriminalize the drugs to wipe out the </span></span>crim<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">inal organizations <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and offer t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">reatment programs along with coun<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s</span>eling for all those who need it, but again that is not an option for the elite. </span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let's look at the reason we have some of these laws in the first place<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again it's a measure of our societ<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ies</span> health that we have to have laws against things like animal and child abuse because there are so many sick individuals who have no hesitation using and abusing the ones who can<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">not help themselves. Un<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">fortunately thou<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gh, <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">many of</span> th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e ones who are caught and punished are the ones who are in the lower classes for the people who have much power and money are the really ugly perp<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>trators of things such as <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">wo</span>m<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>n and child trafficking<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. This is happening all over the world and there is so much money in it, I don't see an end in the near future<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. Conve<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rsely when there is someone wh<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o is brave enough to stand u<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">p and speak out on what they see whether i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t is an abuse of power, people or money, those people are tr<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eated as traitors and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">can be labeled an enemy of the state. They are often st<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ripped of their positions, money and reputations all in an <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">effort to kee<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">p the secrets of the elite hidden from your eyes<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and make you doubt<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the real truth <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">about</span> what is happening in the world today. </span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If</span> you think about or are the type of per<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">son to </span>scream at any homeless or jobless people to go get a job, try go finding one yourself first and see just how <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">difficult that is today. A small hand full may be successful but <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t</span>here are fewer well paying jobs than ever before and I can tell you that from first hand experience. Never mind the fact that there are 2 to 3 times as many empty houses in America alone than there are homeless people and families living on the street today... and it is becoming <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313713-Dumb-and-dumber-Government-fines-homeless-man-over-110000-for-being-homeless" target="_blank">il</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313713-Dumb-and-dumber-Government-fines-homeless-man-over-110000-for-being-homeless" target="_blank">l</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313713-Dumb-and-dumber-Government-fines-homeless-man-over-110000-for-being-homeless" target="_blank">egal</a> to be homeless to boot.</span></span> When you hear th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at the economy is doing better remember that for many of the working poor that were using public unemployme<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nt be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nefits <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">while trying to find sai<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d jobs, had their be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n</span>efits run out and are not considered in the statistics of unemployment any more. They are the forgotten ones who have be<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">en tossed aside and left to die a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> slow and painful death. And ask yourself why so many WalMart workers have to use <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/277623-Walmart-gets-7-8-billion-a-year-in-tax-breaks-and-subsidies-from-the-US-tax-system-Employees-forced-to-depend-on-social-programs-to-get-by" target="_blank">food stamp</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/277623-Walmart-gets-7-8-billion-a-year-in-tax-breaks-and-subsidies-from-the-US-tax-system-Employees-forced-to-depend-on-social-programs-to-get-by" target="_blank">s</a> which is <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>ncouraged by the company itself so they don't have to raise the rate they pay their employees. So</span> if the economy was doing as well as the me<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">dia would have you believe then why are so many <a href="http://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/archives/economic-recovery-13-of-the-biggest-retailers-in-america-are-closing-down-stores" target="_blank">retailers closing</a> so many stores or closing al<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">together? Don't be fooled, the US economy is on it's death<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bed because it has put <a href="http://wakeup-world.com/2016/02/26/signs-of-a-dying-society/" target="_blank">profits </a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://wakeup-world.com/2016/02/26/signs-of-a-dying-society/" target="_blank">before people</a> to the point the people can't sustain it and when the G<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">DP in bas<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ed on people d<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ying of d<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">isease<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, wars that are to be sustained and the ability of the richest of people to become richer... it too will die a slow and painful death. Where will you be the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n? <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will you too find yourself homeless and still be angry at them?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For the p<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eople out there who can <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">really see what's going and try <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to do something even if it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'s just creating a movement or demonstrating for a c<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ause they believe in, you still need to understand that these movement<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s will be corrupted by the powers to be. They don't hesitate to have <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/289619-False-flag-terrorism-Ferguson-residents-say-looters-not-from-here" target="_blank">agent prov</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/289619-False-flag-terrorism-Ferguson-residents-say-looters-not-from-here" target="_blank">ocate</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/289619-False-flag-terrorism-Ferguson-residents-say-looters-not-from-here" target="_blank">urs</a> infiltrate these groups and start tro<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">uble in the most public way to make you believe that the whole group is like them.<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.. to make you fear and hate them too. On a larger scale th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">is</span> is what happened in other countries where the US doesn't like a leader that was elected by their ow<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n</span> people who will not cooperate with the US's <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">plan of world domination and try to lead their country as they see fit, usually for the betterment of the people. That's why the US and it's alli<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">es or criminal corhorts don't ever leave the middle east and continue to carry out false flag op<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e</span>rations t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o</span> make you believe that the evil is out there... instead of being much closer to home. And never mind all the billion of dollars sent to aid these allies and the continued efforts of the sustainable wars they have planed<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Our veterans, children, elderly, infrastructure that is falling a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">part at the seems<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and you and I of course are not important at all. </span></span> </span></span> </span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One last disturbing thought for today again has to do with this election year. While I have no faith in any <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f the candidates, I thought Trump was the most disturbing of them all. It boggled my mind that this is what has become of Am<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">erica today but it show<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e example of the culmination of everything mentioned in this post. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In some of the circles he is bei<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ng like<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ed to Hitler a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nd the <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">M</span>uslims are now the new <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jews. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hitler was considered a b<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">uffoon by the intel<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">le</span>ct<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">u</span>als of his time when he fi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rst sta<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rted to ri<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">se in power and they never believed he would go far. He did and never again could very well happen again.</span></span></span> If you are agai<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nst any of the refugees coming into the country then why are you all for people who <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313720-Apartheid-State-Israel-demolishes-entire-Palestinian-community-leaves-families-without-homes-school-or-work" target="_blank">destroy their homeland</a> that causes them to flee in the first place? It just doesn't make sen<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">se and if you think it could never happen to you then have lost your ability to remember history and your common sen<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">se too. But on the flip side I understand that Trump is not interested in WWIII with Russia, understands quite well what he is up against with the corruption that runs deep in the government, and may be trying to play the twisted game until he has enough power to try and fix what he sees in wrong and that may be what makes him the lesser of two evils this time around because Hillary sure is a career liar, politician and criminal who will continue to send the world in utter chaos while claiming to fight for us little people. All I can tell at this time is we will wait and see if Trump is elected over Hillary just what he will do in the log run. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the flip side <a href="http://russia-insider.com/en/politics/two-years-ahead-elections-russians-ready-4th-putin-term/ri13181" target="_blank">President Putin </a>has <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">done much for his country in fighting corruption to helping his people by encouraging an economy based on healthy goals, <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313760-Continued-humanitarianism-Russia-delivers-3-5-tons-of-aid-to-Syrias-Latakia-province" target="_blank">to </a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313760-Continued-humanitarianism-Russia-delivers-3-5-tons-of-aid-to-Syrias-Latakia-province" target="_blank">helping his neighb</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.sott.net/article/313760-Continued-humanitarianism-Russia-delivers-3-5-tons-of-aid-to-Syrias-Latakia-province" target="_blank">oring counties in crises</a> (mostly designed by the US) all the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> w<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hile standing up to the US policies of death and destruction and he is <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">portrayed as the villain <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what passes for media these days. So history is repeating itself and we are hating the people who <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">dare to speak the truth and are rally<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ing for the li<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ars and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">cheats who will continue to oppress each and every one of us until there is nothing left. It reminds <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">me of the quote that the germ is<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> not concerned with the <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">health of the host i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t lives in and w<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ill continue to consume the host until it dies, never unders<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">tanding that it too will die when the host does. So make no mistake about it, we are being consumed in more ways than one by more tha<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n</span> one germ and our ignorance is the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> power to make it all possible.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I understand your frustration at th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e situation we all find ourselves in. I share your sad<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ness at seeing what is being done to our world and also understan<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">d that there is little we can do at the moment... without a real and true idea of <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">where the problems originate f<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rom.</span></span> Whatever solut<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ion that is offered up b<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">y
anyone who has any power here in the US is suspect to me because it is
either too little too late or it is something that will be sold as one
thing then turn into our worst nightmare. I can see that it will take
generations to clean up this mess if it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'s even possible because it would take every living being with a soul working together to achieve this goal. Th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at's a pretty large order<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> considering that even our DNA needs to be repair<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ed from all the damage that it<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> has</span> undergone since the industrial revolut<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ion started. And not all people are ready to wake up either. You can't wake a person up who is not ready no matter <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">how much evidence or proof you present. All you can do is continue to observe, learn what you can, share what you've learned when you can and prepare for what is to come to the best of your ability. And remember there are people out there who do care and try to do the right thing even i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f it cost them everything. There is hope for us to change and change start<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s at home...</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-47505900727941082982015-08-23T10:47:00.001-04:002019-10-18T21:41:53.214-04:00In Loving Memory of my Dad...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I moved back to my childhood home in May of 2013 it was with a lot of mixed feelings and more than a little relief. Yeah, I know I swore I wouldn't be doing that ever and it's another lesson on never say never. When I saw dad for the first time in about 4 years, I couldn't believe how much he had aged. He looked as if he's aged 20 years, shrank a few inches and had lost so much weight that I had a hard time reconciling the last image I had of him with the man I now saw before me. I knew he was sick but didn't know with what and it was hard getting him to tell me that he didn't feel well much less go to the doctor to find out anything. I think he knew what was wrong but didn't want to be a bother, which he wasn't in any way. I began to do as much for him as he would let me, hoping I could restore some of his health by feeding him good food, and taking care of the responsibilities of the home. For about a year he seemed to get a little better, putting on a little weight and the color was coming back in his face. It also seemed as if his hair was not as white as it was the first day I came home and gave him that hug that said how much we had missed each other whether I knew it or not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As some of you know I had not intended to move in with dad because I had purchased the RV and had planned to live in it any where but here. There were many things happening all at once as is par for the course and as things came to a head at my previous residence it became clear that I had run out of time to finish the things needed to be able to make that move. One of the things I wanted to do for dad was finish one of his bathrooms so that he could comfortably take a shower and clean up his house so that he could live in peace. It was really hard for him to do things around the house as it was and I wanted to make sure he could feel a modicum of safety. I also bought him a new chair because the newspapers holding up the one he sat in was not helping his hip in any way. Mid way through the construction clean up, I asked dad if I could move in with him and move the RV here and he said of course, he'd be happy to have me home again. As it turned out, it was the right thing for both of us because dad needed me far more than I needed him... at least at first. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">During our time together we talked about so many things from the past, including the issues we had with the con from Kentucky who had caused so much heartache after Trey died. I told him how sorry I was for not staying to fight the con no matter the reason, yet dad felt he was the one to blame for the whole event. Which is so not true, I knew what he was getting into and felt powerless to stop it. I guess it was both of our lessons that we needed to learn... But in an odd way it brought us closer together, something I had wanted for a very long time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad talked about Trey, Danny and everything that had happened during that time we had them in our lives. He also talked about his time in the military, his childhood in foster homes, his relatives and of course mom. It allowed me to see a glimpse of the pain he carried most of his life that caused his drinking to be a problem for so many years. But only a glimpse because he always tried to remember the good times and the best parts of a very difficult life. I began to understand the PTSD he suffered with that started with the trauma in his childhood and going through the roof after coming home from the wars were the root of most of the problems but not the entire story. As throughout my life I had to hear some of the more heartbreaking stories from others who knew him and was there during the time they were going on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But as is life things needed to be dealt with such as looking for a job, researching what could be done to protect dad from the cons that were just waiting for their chance to pounce again and of course dealing at all the damage to the house that was done while they were here. The not so surprising thing was that dad helped with everything that he could to make things easier and when I needed help, he offered it without me even having to ask. It was something that I had learned was so very important when it came to relationships and explained why I had felt that way for a long time but just didn't know where this feeling had come from. Despite what dad had gone through or did in his life, he was able to see what was important, at least while I lived here during this time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know some of what dad was capable of doing when he was younger and I'm not going to put him on a pedestal because he was human and I have done too many things I'm not proud of myself. I can only imagine what it was like for him growing up with hunger, violence, instability and betrayals from the very people he loved the most. I could see even now that he was brought up to hate certain groups of people based on what he was taught from his family, environment, the military and the friends he kept after his tours ended. It bothered me greatly over the years when he would let a comment or two slip about how he felt. Eventually I came to understand that he was programmed to feel those things and never knew how or why much less how to change his mindset. Of course the drinking never helped because his goal was to forget not to remember or examine these things. I guess that why I feel so touched when I saw him help others in his later years. Because if he could still reach out to someone in need through his own pain and anger without a thought of asking anything in return, it meant that the kindness had not been burned out of him. Dad considered himself a broken down old paratrooper and said as much many times over the last years. I saw much more than that even if he couldn't see it in himself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember going to work every morning early and I would see this rabbit on the side of the road and a few times there would be two of them. It was something I looked forward to on the way and I would be disappointed if I didn't see them. I know its odd but I would greet them and then wish then a safe and good day during that summer. But there came a time when I stopped seeing them all together and that was in the last week of June. I started to get upset over something that seemed so small at the time but now I think it was just another sign of what was to come... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Toward the end I was getting more worried about his health and looking back I can see that the constant coughing when he was laying down to sleep was a huge sign that he was losing a yet unnamed battle. So in early July, I convinced him to go see the doctor at the VA and we went twice, first for a consult and general tests with x-rays and then for the CT scan that showed he had stage 4 lung cancer. But instead of telling us in Charlotte they made us drive to Salisbury for the test results which was 3 hours away. It was a hard ride for him because of his hip and the time of day the appointment was scheduled. Dad had a routine and this made it impossible for him to maintain it and he was not happy about it to say the least. So as we were sitting in the doctors office the last time thinking that this would be the first of many visits, the doctor came in with a solemn expression and without preamble told us about the lung cancer. He then showed us the images of the CT's and pointed to many different clusters of tumors throughout his lungs and them preceded to ask dad what he wanted to do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember looking at dad trying to keep my emotions under control as he asked what were the options which were the standard chemo and radiation because surgery was out of the question. The doctor said the chemo would most likely take the last little bit of quality of life he had and would not extend his life expectancy significantly if at all. The doctor then asked if he would quit smoking and dad said probably not. He also asked if we wanted to be given a time line and while dad said no I said yes so the doctor took me out of the room and told me dad had about six months. Up until that time I had held it together but the flood of tears came on so strong it took a long while to get them back under control. My mind was racing with all the information I had learned about diet and health, the true cause of cancers and the hope that I'd be able to help prolong his life if even for a small while. But the doctor advised that we call in hospice immediately. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I heard that I was extremely upset that they were just giving up without any fight whatsoever and while I was relieved that the doctor was honest about the effects of chemo and radiation, I still thought much could be done to help him. I was mad at the system because they once again failed dad as it was done time and again from they way he was treated by our own government after he got out of the military to denying him medical disability because he was too sick to get to the Salisbury office when I wasn't here just to be evaluated by another set of doctors. People in that shape physically and mentally couldn't hope to unravel the bureaucracy that is the norm for a very sick society that we live in. But I was also mad at myself for not being there when he needed me at the beginning and felt a huge wave of shame at my own actions. It was a very long drive home that day from the doctors office and dad was pretty quiet most of the way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the outside he seemed to be taking it much better than I was and even started joking around some the closer we got to home. I was amazed and at first thought it was shock but later began to think that he knew how sick he was and having it confirmed was just something he did for my benefit. After we got home and settled where he could open his first beer of the day he actually said... "I'll be just fine, don't worry about me and don't get upset." Right! I told him that I know you'll be fine dad, it's me that is not alright and I had to leave the room so he wouldn't see me fall apart again. After a while we talked a little and I do mean a very little about it because he didn't want people to know how sick he was... at least as first. So life went on around us in the way it always does without me confiding in anyone but my childhood friend who had lost her own father the past August. And for about a month that was how it was, other than me reading more on lung cancer and supplements as well as calling hospice to come to the house, things remained as normal as I could make it for him. He didn't like taking the supplements because there were a lot of them but he did take them even if he made an awful face. He didn't like having the hospice nurse come and check on him but he did it and I am grateful that she was a kind and caring person who took the time to explain so many things to us and let me know she was only a phone call away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One day dad was reading the paper as was his daily habit and he read the obituary of his Aunt Mary and then showed it to me. The detail of the service were there and I decided to go for both of us where I reconnected with several of the family members I hadn't seen in many years. It was bittersweet but we all went to lunch and caught up with each others lives. We all joked that we finally knew how old she really was because she always told us 29 and counting. I did tell them about dad and all had hoped they could come see him but there just wasn't time. I did promise to come see one who lived in Wilmington soon but didn't think it would be as soon as it turned out being. When I returned home, I told dad all about seeing the family and he seemed glad I was able to go and hear about how they were doing. He again started reminiscing about some of the times with this side of the family and had a huge smile on his face as he did so. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Toward the end of the first month after the diagnosis he started to tell his bother and sister about it and they came to visit but he waffled on whether to tell mom or not only once. Despite his bravado I could tell he was scared, hell I was scared and had my childhood friend come and check on him a lot while I was at work because dad would fall and not be able to get up. On one of the last coherent days he had, I was off and set in the living room listening to his old stories of some of the men he worked with over the years and some of the jokes they used to play on one another and I thought, this may be the last time I get to hear these stories and relished every moment I could. Little did I know how much time we really had left because the next night was a bad one and I had to call my friend to help get dad to and from the bathroom. She told me that it was time and I had to call work and tell them I needed off for the foreseeable future and that was that. Every day after he was a little worse until that Saturday morning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On Saturday 08/23/14, I slept lightly and that's not very normal for me but I got up early and made some coffee, gave dad his meds and went to sit with him for a while. He was unconscious at that point but I felt he could still hear me so I started to talk to him in a way I couldn't if he had been awake. I told him some of what I had been reading since Trey had passed and what he might expect when he crossed over and that he could let go of all the pain he had carried around for so long. I told him to not worry about me that I'll be okay, even if I wasn't. I told him so many things that day having to take a few breaks just so I could get the words out but I wanted him to know that he was loved and that I wanted him to be at peace finally. I think he held on just to let me talk to him because when I went to get his next round of meds, he died as soon as I left the room. When I came back I was heartbroken but wished him safe travels and promised I see him as soon as I could...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad didn't want a service so I didn't have one. The following days where very lonely and the house didn't feel complete without him here. I missed him terribly and thought that maybe I could have done more for him but again in looking back I realized that dad was ready to go. He had hung on as long as he could have and nothing would have made a difference. He was tired and wanted to see Trey and others that had gone on before him. I can respect that so much that there is little more to say about it... Dad was a fighter in many ways but sometimes the fight gets to be too much to bear any longer especially when you are fighting the demons within. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I cherish the time I had with him and will always be thankful that I could help him in whatever way I could but again dad helped me more than he would ever know while he was here. His acceptance of me was the very thing I had longed for from both of my parents all my life. He gave it freely and with as much love as he had to give. I couldn't have asked for anything more...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I made the plans to go to Wilmington to see dad's family and as I was looking for directions I saw how close it was to Kure beach where dad wanted his ashes scattered and knew things would work out. It was an emotional trip and one I won't forget any time soon. I got to scatter some of his ashes at the beach where he loved the most and some around the house where he loved to be since he couldn't get to the beach. I got to hear more stories about dad when he was younger and be with the ones who remembered the man he used to be. He was many things but the most important one was being my dad... </span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bobby Gene Forbis </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Also known as Dad, Da, Husband, Brother, Uncle, Cousin and Friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">05/20/44 - 08/23/14 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Snappy Dresser</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Shortly before going into the service.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the service</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Home on leave.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xcsMt7YZL10/XaoWAm1WpTI/AAAAAAAACrs/BnuLe6W1MjsHhe97XU6Nfa5um5ZwIDL0wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Dad%2B12.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="369" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xcsMt7YZL10/XaoWAm1WpTI/AAAAAAAACrs/BnuLe6W1MjsHhe97XU6Nfa5um5ZwIDL0wCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Dad%2B12.png" width="189" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad at Aunt Mary's.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At the beach.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just got home from work.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Me and Dad.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad with his plants.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another holiday at Grandma's.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad and baby Trey.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A5mdQ3eUMCY/Xapc2FvYtQI/AAAAAAAACtA/cTTXSlQnyXk_4TuNZhtIzs14U1Kjm3scgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Dad%2Bn%2BTrey%2B16.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="340" data-original-width="493" height="220" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A5mdQ3eUMCY/Xapc2FvYtQI/AAAAAAAACtA/cTTXSlQnyXk_4TuNZhtIzs14U1Kjm3scgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Dad%2Bn%2BTrey%2B16.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-btbH_SPoQU8/XapdAyk5xNI/AAAAAAAACtE/O4ZELoE0AyEOLPC4NnzjuTWGkMyyiWLbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Dad%2Bn%2BTrey%2B18.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="521" data-original-width="553" height="301" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-btbH_SPoQU8/XapdAyk5xNI/AAAAAAAACtE/O4ZELoE0AyEOLPC4NnzjuTWGkMyyiWLbwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Dad%2Bn%2BTrey%2B18.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dad at the holiday's at my house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Out of order my one of my favorites.</span></div>
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-35777280189810135232014-03-20T11:27:00.000-04:002015-12-20T19:24:28.651-05:00The End of the Story<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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</xml><![endif]--><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2008/05/1st.html"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><<<<< Volume 1.</span></a> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/01/weirdness-within.html">Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within,</a> <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/02/uncomfortable-consumer.html">2. The Uncomfortable Consumer,</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/03/technology-me-and-programs.html">3. Technology, Me and Programs</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-will-we-ever-learn.html">4. When will we ever learn?</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/sex-drugs-and-smoking.html">5. Sex, drugs and smoking,</a></span><br />
<a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/05/suppression-equals-depression.html">6. Suppression Equals Depression</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/06/practicing-awareness.html">7. Practicing Awareness</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/07/long-distance-friendships-during-war_25.html" target="_blank">8. Long Distance Friendships During War</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/08/away-we-go.html" target="_blank">9. Away we go</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/12/children-and-pit-bulls-at-christmas.html" target="_blank">10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">11. The other side of the story...I</a> & <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story-ii.html" target="_blank">II</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-things-that-divide-us.html" target="_blank">12. The things that divide us</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/03/getting-plan-together-and-garden.html" target="_blank">13. Getting a plan together and a Garden</a>, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-end-of-story.html" target="_blank">14. The End of the Story</a> </span>Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Hello again
and I’ve missed writing my thoughts down as well as the few people who have
taken the time to read this journey I’ve traveled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There has been many changes over the last 7
or 8 months that will be chronicled but first I want to close out this chapter
of my life that taught me a great lesson not only about this person who is the
center of this series but about myself and what I need to work on.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is a
continuation of the Other Side of the Story and begins a few weekends before
Mother’s Day where the drama escalated to the point of a day time soap opera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This post does not contain cuss words but
they were used liberally throughout the conversations as well as attitude in
spades on both of our parts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I was
completely fed up with King Richard’s constant lying, greed, shallowness and
smugness, he didn’t seem too affected by all this but you may have seen or
heard different, if you know him personally. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This post was also written while it was
happening and didn’t have the quality of hindsight as the previous posts until
I had a moment of peace to absorb all the changes that have taken place. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I was able to edit it with added insights
gained through much reflection.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hql3IQzaDko/UysFAMFOJTI/AAAAAAAACZo/bRpTm-B2ygI/s1600/026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hql3IQzaDko/UysFAMFOJTI/AAAAAAAACZo/bRpTm-B2ygI/s1600/026.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So we pick
up where we left off when on a Sunday evening the washing machine went out after
stopping a few times before over the last few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After contacting King Richard about it, he
stated it would probably be Friday before he got the time to replace it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a lot to do over the next week and was
due to go out of town on May 4<sup>th</sup> for the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I went to HH Gregg on the following Monday
or Tuesday and purchased a washer which was not the cheapest model but the next
cheapest one with a better agitator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Once I came home I asked the neighbor across the street, we’ll call him
Ray, to help me get it into the house and hook it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ray then asked me for money again as he
usually does but he seemed different like he didn’t want to talk to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got aggravated and told him never mind as I
turned and walked away, while shaking my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew then that King Richard had been talking to him about me and could
guess how the conversations went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then
started to do something else and Ray came across the street and said that he
would help me like “good” neighbors do and I didn’t have to give him any more
money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I refused several times but he
persisted so he helped load the washer in the house and hooked it up… all the
while commenting on how both King Richard and I were so rich several times
during the process, because I was buying several big ticket items lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trying to explain to him once again why I was
spending the last of my money that was recently repaid did not have any effect
on his views. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
came home later that evening and found that I had replaced the washer without
his approval, was angry and stated that it was like I didn’t value his opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him that was true, I didn’t any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also told him that he didn’t value me as a
person, anything I do and much less anything I say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then said that I had to give respect
before he returned it, but I told him that I was through giving and was give
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has mostly been a one way
relationship with me doing most of the giving and him doing most of the
taking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard then stated that he
would only pay for half of the washer and I told him no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could either pay for all of it and keep it
or pay none of it and I would take the washer when I left and sell it, the
choice was his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There would be no more
middle ground with him so he wrote me a check to reimburse me for the
washer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day Ray told King
Richard I had gotten mad at him because he didn’t want to help with the washer
and also told him it would be 2 years before I left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ray was wrong, had been drinking and or King
Richard was playing him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not know
and didn’t find this out until a later conversation between King Richard and I
took place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Previously, I
had told King Richard that I would be using half of my pay check to put into
savings to save up for the pickup I needed to pull the RV and he would need to
buy his own junk food from that time forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would still pay for all the dog food, treats, cleaning supplies,
toilet paper, paper towels, my food and cigarettes with the remaining portion. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also started paying for all of my own gas
out of my small check.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t tell him
that I would have to give up going to the chiropractor and several other things
to make the goal. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was also looking for
another part time job to help expedite the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He again stated that it was all supposed to
be his money because he was only paying me to save taxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again I stated that I only agreed to that for
a while and his time was long since up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After a heated discussion on my part about his need to control every
dime and everything, including denying me the chance to achieve my own dreams
after helping his come to fruition, he stated do whatever you want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him I plan to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few days later King Richard finally paid
the tax on my vehicle, which was in his name, several months late and was
reimbursed for the $100 in cash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately,
I have no receipt for this.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U9xv1rXe2vw/UysHDhygypI/AAAAAAAACZ8/J8Temws4m00/s1600/385.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U9xv1rXe2vw/UysHDhygypI/AAAAAAAACZ8/J8Temws4m00/s1600/385.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
following week I ignored King Richard and any comments he made whether they
were benign or not, to the best of my ability.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again, I could tell he was planning something but wasn’t sure what it
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I knew King Richard had been
telling more lies and half truths about me, his actions and this situation to
anyone that would listen, I begin to tell Ray, only what I wanted King Richard
to know when it became clear that both of them were playing both ends against
the middle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything I stated to Ray
was true at that time, but things did change as you’ll read later on. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found out that King Richard had bought Ray’s
friendship because Ray stated that King Richard was his banker now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Ray stated he wanted us to work things
out and that King Richard was just mad but would calm down later, I explained
to him, King Richard was a severely narcissistic person who cares little for
anything but himself and thinks it is his right to control everything
concerning others while causing as much drama as possible and there was very
little chance of him overcoming it without long term therapy by someone who
specializes in that sort of disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
also told Ray that I wanted to take Lily the bulldog which is my dog Gus’s
friend, and her sole care was my responsibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t tell Ray, King Richard paid $800 for
Lily and I planned on leaving him $1000 to reimburse him for her when I
left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the plan at that time but
was later since changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love Lily as
much as I love Gus and know that King Richard only considers her a piece of
property as he does most others in his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Depending on the conversations, King Richard states that he bought her
for me while I was in grief over Trey and the next he states that she is his
dog and I can’t take her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He goes back
and forth as I have done about taking Lily but he is doing it for spite, not out
of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please remember what I wrote in
the Other side of the Story about his wanting to breed and sell puppies, even
though neither dog has papers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
reminded about that, King Richard now denies that it was intention but again,
it is more fabrications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later on, I
also went by Spunky’s, our one time mutual friend in the Other Side of the
Story, to drop off the rest of the computer equipment, supplements and other
things that I knew she could use so I could have the room to start packing
other things at King Richard’s home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t expect her to be home, much less be on her way out when I dropped off
the boxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I caught her up on the recent
events between King Richard and myself, particularly the games he is still
playing and my attempts to avoid them and continue to pursue my own plans
despite his attempts to derail them at every turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such as when he decided to finally redo his
bathroom at this time when we both had a lot of things going on. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had asked the same man King Richard wanted
to use, if he would help me out at my father’s house first because it could be
done faster and it would allow me to start moving a lot of things I wanted to
save much sooner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also apologized to
Spunky for my part in our parting of the ways and told her the same things I
told Ray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me of her problems
with her benefits and thought I was the one who had caused her the problems,
which I did not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stated when she
asked King Richard about it, he told her I was not vindictive and wouldn’t do
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least that much was the truth,
although I did still struggle with the urge to give back what is given when it
comes to King Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was thinking in
my head if I had done something to mess with her benefits, would I be there talking
to her and giving her even more things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
told her I didn’t even know about the problems, but later realized that I
vaguely remembered King Richard saying something along those lines, but because
I had learned to tune out his endless talking, unless it had something to do
with me or the dogs directly, I didn’t remember the conversation right
off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For example
when we were still hanging out, Spunky told me of a conversation which happened
while we were all at the house and I was cooking dinner several months earlier
for the 3 of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day, Spunky
asked me about King Richard’s comment which was “we were like a married couple”
because I didn’t respond to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
because I didn’t hear him and was concentrating on what I was doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another reason I learned to tune King Richard
out is because he means so very little of what he says to people and the story
changes so often, that it’s not worth investing a lot of energy on paying
attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before I left the day I
stopped by to drop off the stuff, Spunky asked me if we (her and I) were alright
and I said yes, but I would not be in contact until after I leave the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked her not to tell King Richard about
our talking until I was out of the house and she agreed… but later found out
that she had repeated everything I said… as I guessed she would, almost
immediately. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not saying that I’m the
best kind of friend out there because I know I have a lot to work on, but at
least I keep my word because it means something to me nor do I feel the need to
use people to get things done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those two
things alone, allow me the chance to appreciate people for what they are and
not have to make choices to be friends with people I need something from,
especially if I don’t care for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately she may never figure that out on her own. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think what is the saddest part in this whole
ordeal is that she couldn’t realize how important she was to me and how
unimportant she was to King Richard. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The previous
month, when I had gone to my fathers to make peace with him before I left this
city for good and I saw the condition he was living in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized I could not leave my father in
that condition no matter what has happened between us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had decided to use the last of my savings
earmarked for new dentures to help him complete one of his bathrooms that were
a wreck, due to the con man stealing his identity after moving in with him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The con man drained my father’s accounts,
wrote bad checks and ruined his credit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was unfinished work all over the house
with much of the electrical and plumbing unusable and there was little left
behind when the con man left for good. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
father has alcoholic induced dementia and because he had broken his hip roughly
a year ago and needed a lot of help to navigate the condition of the house, I
had been spending my days there to clean it out and up for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I contacted the man mentioned above who I
thought could be trusted to complete the work and begin the process of putting
my father’s home back together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I
understand why King Richard was so pleased when I went to see my father because
he knew he could force me out of the house sooner rather than wait until I
finished my to do list which would have been completed by May of 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I mentioned it might add 2 months to the
time frame before I could leave, he did not say one word about it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The only
thing King Richard had to say at this time was when I mentioned one of the
helpers of the man helping me at dads was homeless and he stated for the 2<sup>nd</sup>
time, I should get the homeless man or any other homeless person to go with me
in the RV because he at least would be able to help if anything went wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard said he was just concerned for
my safety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him that when I leave,
I am leaving alone but also told him my safety couldn’t be that much of a
concern to him if he was willing to suggest I take a homeless stranger with me
on the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was just King Richard
pretending to be helpful while in all actuality it was his way of saying that I
could only have that type of individuals in my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Before I had
completed the purchase of the RV after Kind Richard had repaid the loan and while
I was working at dads, I knew I was about to use the money from my savings
account on many separate purchases but didn’t want to pay fees for more than 2
withdrawals per month, so I called the bank and had all my money transferred to
my checking account then closed the savings account.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard did not seem happy that I did
that and couldn’t believe that I could do it without his approval since his name
was on the account for security reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was not done out of spite but it was done to make my life easier by
using my debit card and to save a few dollars on fees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was doing everything I had stated I would
do and even rushing the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact,
I was unsure as to whether I was making a mistake buying the RV, because I
wanted to get out of there so bad, I trusted a total stranger with most of my
life savings on his word… which is something I would never do under normal
circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even mentioned this to
King Richard but he stated it would be alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am very thankful the man was true to his word and he proved to me
there are still honorable people in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The weekend
before Mother’s Day and before King Richard took a long trip out of town to
pick up a car in another state, he stated he was excited that the RV was about
to be delivered but returned to tell me that because I was not feeding him any
longer that I could not park my RV on his property.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a few days before it was to be
delivered. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him that I was going
to do just that because it made moving stuff into it easier and I still needed
to learn how to operate it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stated
that he would have it towed if I did and I stated to him, then the war would be
on in earnest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also told him I knew he
was planning on double crossing me somehow and I had made a 5 stage plan to
deal with this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stated he didn’t care
about anything I would do and he was done with me and I had 4 to 6 months to get
out of his house. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first I told him I’ll
leave when I’m done with saving for the pickup truck and he then said I needed
to start helping out on the power bill since I stopped buying his junk food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again the room and utilities were a part of
my income because what little he paid me to do my job wouldn’t have been enough
to survive otherwise, while he wasted so much on any and everything he
wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I told
King Richard that defeated the purpose of saving money to leave, then how
greedy he was again and that he seemed determined to take as much money from me
as he could, his only response was… it’s only fair. Fair?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In what universe is taking any more of the
money I worked for fair?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His universe apparently. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess it was okay for him to tie up my money
for over two years while I worked for him for only room and board because I
didn’t have anything else better to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then told him we would
both be homeless because I was tired of him ordering me around and flat out
bullying me to submit to his ever changing will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stated that he had insurance and didn’t care
if I burned the house down and his family would take care of him because they
loved him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back King Richard has
always relied on others to clean up his messes and this would be no
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About the fire comment: I
have been well known to say I will light someone or something up if they will
not leave me alone after repeated requests to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I replied, I don’t need a lighter to solve
all my problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stated I couldn’t
touch him so do whatever I needed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told King
Richard I would and had begun making the 5 stage plan after Christmas when he
tried to put me on a cash basis, which meant I get paid a lot less if at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I started writing The Other Side of the
Story, it was a continuation of my mistakes in life to find out what I was
doing wrong and why I choose people like King Richard to be in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I wrote the piece out, which took
several months and reading several books to study the issues, it became clear
to me that I had to do something to protect myself against his constant
bulling, lying and manipulations while he hides behind the facade of being a
kind, caring man to the others in his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I told him the plan was in place since February, he asked why would
I do that instead of working on my own stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told him I was waiting for him to repay the loan so there was nothing
for me to work on and he had proved to me several times over that it was
necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always been the type
of person to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst and this would be no
exception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, it was the right
thing to do because here we were… but later you’ll read why I changed my mind
and heart about following through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pdhiCKPd6jk/UysFgICrRUI/AAAAAAAACZw/TPcfx0DGo8k/s1600/033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pdhiCKPd6jk/UysFgICrRUI/AAAAAAAACZw/TPcfx0DGo8k/s1600/033.jpg" width="265" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
then left for a while and when he returned I apologized for my anger and told
him that despite my best efforts he still pushed my buttons, as was his
intention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People like him know exactly
what they are doing and enjoy provoking the most reactions from the objects of
their focus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also told him again he
knew it would take a year after he repaid the $33,000 loan before I could
finish my work to be able to leave in the RV as was the plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard knew all about the plan to leave
and the time frame because I discussed it with him in depth starting when I
called in the loan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He even was looking
for trucks on Craigslist for me and showing me several of them at different
times to give me an idea of how much money I would need in addition to trading
in my current vehicle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before this time,
he had not stated once that he wanted me to leave immediately when the loan was
repaid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The closest he ever came was
stating that this was not working out once… many months before, which was
obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had agreed and then started
to make plans to leave in the RV but had hoped that we could part civilly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He waited until I was committed to purchasing
the RV, planted my garden and had also paid the man helping with my father’s home
before trying to throw me out of his house then firing me on the same day… but
I’m getting ahead of myself again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had
King Richard stated what he wanted at Christmas time clearly… before I
committed to my plan and my garden… that he didn’t help with in any way, I
could have been long gone by the end of February or whenever the loan was fully
repaid which wasn’t until the week before I put a deposit on the RV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I again
told King Richard, I still needed time to save the money for the pickup truck,
he stated it wasn’t his problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
then stated again, I had 4 to 6 months and I wasn’t taking his dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then told me what Ray had said about my
being here for 2 years, which was untrue and he knew it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then told King Richard, I was tired of Ray
asking to borrow money all the time or offering to help me from his heart and
then asking to be paid for his work with the garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I volunteer to help someone with
something along those lines I don’t do it to get paid, I do it from the
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I work for someone however
as I did work for King Richard, I do expect to be paid for the work I do and
there is a difference especially when I’m clear about that right up front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both King Richard and Ray wanted it both ways
and neither has a clue about how to be honest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard then stated that I was going to
be out of a job soon maybe a few weeks or months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told him, fine I will find another job and I
meant what I said about the 5 stage plan because I was tired of him bullying me
into a corner and if he continued I would come out fighting as if my life
depended on it, because it did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then
asked why I moved in with him in the first place and I said because you asked
me to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought we were friends and I
thought you had grown up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You said you
needed help with the paperwork and told me I’d be safe here away from people
who wanted to harass me but in reality I was just a fool for believing his act
because he did nothing but harass me himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A few days later after doing some serious rearranging I told him that if
he continued to pay me for my work until September , just 4 months away, then I
would be out by then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got no
response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then asked him to at least
tell me what would be my last check and again he would not even respond to that
minimal request. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I continued to
ignore him to the best of my ability and made arrangements to park the RV at my
father’s house. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later that
night when King Richard left, I called one of his friends that he was close to
because they had told me that they had their own problems with him and I wanted
an outside opinion to find out if I was in the wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again I told them only what I wanted King
Richard to know about my plans and at that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have and will keep all confidences that were
divulged because I gave my word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I
learned was the behavior toward this friend and lies that were being told by
King Richard that didn’t have anything to do with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact I did not ask for any information
from this friend that had anything to do with me other than their opinion,
because I didn’t want to put them in a bad position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that all these friends would be
here long after I am gone and I don’t want them to pay for any help they may
have given me, including another neighbor that has helped me do the most basic
of things while I deal with this mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What I also
learned was this friend had tried talking to King Richard about many different
things over their friendship with the same result I had… nothing ever changes
and nothing ever will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did ask me a
question though and it was “Does a woman or a girl know if they are going to
sleep with a man within the first few moments after meeting each other?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my case I told him the answer was yes… but
he cut me off before I could tell him that was the answer when I was
younger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now that I’m older priorities
change and looks are not near as important as they were then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think a lot of women my age are looking for
more from men as they get older than they did when they were younger, such as
compassion, integrity and security to name a few.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too
bad I couldn’t finish that sentence because it was important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did send this friend of King Richard’s an
excerpt from the book Disturbed Characters to let them know what kind of person
he was but in the end, they will probably continue to come back for more abuse
because they cannot see any other way. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mother’s Day
weekend was particularly strained for me because after working at my fathers
during the day, I came back to King Richard’s house at night and did the work I
was hired to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That Sunday I worked in
the house all day while he was in and out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Watching Lily outside with the neighbors dogs, I had made a decision
about leaving Lily with him because she was too aggressive and with no fence at
my fathers, there was no way I could take the chance of her attacking another
dog or even a child in the neighborhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I told him that if he ever decided to get rid of Lily for any reason
to contact me through his neighbor and I would come and get her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully, I would then be in a position to
have a fence put in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then stated I
could take her and I said that was fine but knew he had no intention of letting
that happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the next few hours he
came home and said I had caught him in a weak moment after visiting his
mother’s grave and now he was going to think about letting me take Lily with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scott then asked if I was taking
the stainless steel cook ware that he bought for me and at first I said no, I
didn’t want anything from him, if fact didn’t even want him to piss on me if
I’m on fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was angry and tired of
his games but later changed my mind when I thought back to when I asked him to
buy it specifically because it was not chemically treated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t on the payroll back then and it was
a small payment for my services even though the only reason he bought it was so
I would cook for him more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then told
me he called my own mother to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day but spent the day
trying to make me even more miserable than I already was .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a swell guy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent the day while he was away talking to
my son and Scott’s mother’s pictures about what was happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked his mother if she was proud of her
son now and if she could possibly help him at all because he was well on his
way to the dark side of life possibly because it really was his true nature
coming out?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also told her that I’m not
sure but he may be too far gone to help and then told her how sorry I was for
even bothering her because I really did hope she had found some peace after she
died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then asked my son to forgive me
once again for bringing people like Scott into my life and made a promise to
him about keeping better friends if I ever get the chance. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would also talk to him about many other things
throughout the day, but this is not where I want to discuss Trey or how I still
feel about what happened and life without him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">By the end
of the day, I was ready to finish the paperwork for the business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That night King Richard went to the office just
before I got started on entering the checks to balance the books and to do
other paperwork. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then started playing
the banjo music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows I don’t care
for it because it is very distracting when it comes to focusing on that work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He talked a bit but I was doing my best to
ignore him until I got to the 2 dealerships that operate out of the same
address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every check stub from one
company has to be double checked because either the drivers don’t know who is
doing what or the company itself changes people between locations to make it
difficult to tell who to bill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
telling him about this and must have missed changing a few of the invoices
because later Scott came in to ask about it when Sir Know it All was delivering
them personally and found that 2 were wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also mailed 2 statements which didn’t have an address because those
businesses usually pay their bill before the statements are sent out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the businesses with no address had 2
different names because King Richard never clarified that one was not a dba of
the other nor had he ever clarified what these business addresses were. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard asked me about the 2 that were
mailed without address and I explained what the problems where and apologized. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went on without saying anything else. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">During the
paperwork session I also told King Richard that my ex-boyfriend Marvelous had
emailed to tell me that he “steel” loved me and wanted to know why I wouldn’t
talk to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought the answer was quite
evident but apparently not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only
reason I told King Richard about it was because my ex had a habit of chasing
one of his towing trucks down whenever he saw it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew my ex would not take no for an answer
and asked King Richard to not tell my ex anything about me or my plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard got a large laugh out of it and
stated he wouldn’t sic my ex back on me, but at this point, I would not rule it
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also told King Richard that I
could image my ex getting caught cheating on his girlfriend and could see her
throwing his stuff out the front door as I had done after he left when I caught
him cheating and now my ex was probably homeless again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard stated that he would tell my ex
that I left mad as hell and he didn’t know where I was going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told King Richard that was probably closer
to the truth and could still happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Again he had a large laugh about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The next day, I also told King Richard that the con man was still
calling my father and was asking about my where abouts as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Man when it rains, it pours!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At some
point later on in the week, King Richard came home right as I left to walk the
dogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I left the door open for him and
came home to a locked door and he was gone again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I thought was the spare key didn’t work
so, I had to use a neighbors phone to call him to come unlock the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He came home and stated that I told him to
lock the doors via the sign on our front door <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which is true because King Richard would not
close the doors or lock them, but leave them cracked open all night if I didn’t
check after him constantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard
has never believed that anything bad could happen to him and takes way too many
chances with other peoples safety because if it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But right before he left, he said if he was
such a narcissistic person he wouldn’t have interrupted his dinner to come home
to unlock the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said, I don’t know
who you are talking to, but keep it up because you might learn something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later I remembered about impression
management and figured that he made a big deal in front of whomever it was he
was having dinner with or the neighbor whose phone I used, to make them think
he was such a great guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand he
reserves this bullying treatment for me and maybe his number one driver Sir
Know it All, even if he doesn’t see it because he is just like him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
following weekend I could tell that something was going on because the junk
cars were disappearing from the yard on Saturday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then on Sunday about lunch time King Richard
had Sir Know it All and another of his friends in the house to start moving the
office to the new business address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was never notified when that would take place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Between the 3 of them they weighed about 900 lbs and it was only then
that King Richard dared tell the truth about his intentions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was after he cut the phone and the
internet off by taking the router and I walked into the office and confronted
him in front of his friend and Sir Know it All.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was working on my resume using an online service at that time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was mad and got tongue tied as I usually get
when I’m emotional and under a lot of stress but I told him that this was
payback for screwing him over and then Sir Know it All cut me off and made a
big deal of that phrase instead of letting me finish my sentence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meant to say that this was payback for what
‘King Richard thought’ was me screwing him over and then finish with… but in
reality it was just King Richard being his usual childish, arrogant, ignorant
self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I tried to explain that King
Richard’s idea of me screwing him over was me standing up for my rights because
he has been trying to control me since I got here. It is hard to get a complete
sentence out with either Sir Know it All or King Richard because they cut you
off in mid-sentence and is why I write letters so I can complete a thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told everyone in the room to take a good
hard look at what was happening because this would happen to them when they
didn’t bow down to the great man, King Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also said that the truth is the truth even if no one believes it and a
lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard cut the phone and the internet
off to force me out of the house which is illegal because my rent had been paid
as soon as I finished the work but he isn’t interested in anyone’s rights as a
human being much less one that had helped him do many things even though he
will not admit that for any reason. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King
Richard has had so much help doing so many things in his life but if you ask
him he did it all on his own without any help. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sir Know it
All then revealed that King Richard told him, it was King Richard who paid for
my trips out of town last year which was a bold faced lie and I told Sir Know
it All, the truth was in the boxes he was taking out the door, in the form of
the bank statements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The extra money in
that account belonged to my mother before I transferred it back over to her new
account in SC but Sir Know it All has no way to know that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of it belonged to King Richard in any
way, shape or form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back I don’t
know why I bothered to explain myself to Sir Know it All but I told him that
all he had was Kind Richard’s word and his words mean absolutely nothing at the
end of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost gave Sir Know
it All a copy of the Other side of the Story which was printed out and ready to
deliver but decided to wait until the right time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I paid for those copies at Fed Ex so if
either of them tells you otherwise, I will show you the receipt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sir Know it All insisted that King Richard
would never lie to him but I knew he had because I had heard the lies that King
Richard has told Sir Know it All or the other driver on several occasions when
over the phone and called him out on it several times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bank statements for our joint account
were in those boxes and I told Sir Know it All to look at them, but then figured
that King Richard would make up another lie to cover what was apparent in black
and white and Sir Know it All would buy it hook, line and sinker because he
wanted to be in charge of the company so bad he could taste it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I had to guess I would say that Sir Know
it All got a nice raise for handling this ‘little situation’ using my former paycheck
and King Richard used him becoming manager as bait to help do his dirty work,
not to mention that it would relieve King Richard of even more responsibility
while letting him still keep all the money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But that is just a guess and really doesn’t make a difference at this
point except if it is true then Sir Know it All has been bought by King Richard
once again proving that it’s the only way King Richard can have anyone remain
in his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sir Know it All also stated
that I didn’t do anything but key in a few invoices once a month and a little
housework from time to time… as if he was ever here to witness any of what goes
on behind closed doors. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the while
King Richard remained smugly confident and enjoyed the little drama that was
unfolding in front of him as he usually does. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
then stated that he told me that there was to be no mistakes when it comes to
the paperwork, which he never said to my face before that moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then made a big deal about the mistakes I
made but never dealt with the mistakes from the other drivers or the ones he himself
makes on a regular basis that cost him thousands of dollars a year from one
account alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent hours trying to
figure out just what is what because they got sloppy with their paperwork and
would leave me to clean it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me
make a mistake and it becomes an excuse for him to force me out of the house
and fire me from the job… which was their plan from the beginning . <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again I was the only one who was held to
higher standards but King Richard and the other drivers can be sloppy, late,
careless and completely wrong with little to no recourse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard told me in front of his friends
that he would give me some ‘walking money’ of $1000 if I got out right then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also asked him to sign my vehicle title
back over to me and he said he would not do it until I got out of his
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But outside when I confronted
King Richard again, he then said he would give me 3 paychecks to get out but no
one was around to hear that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sir Know it
All came outside about that time and heard me say to King Richard that he had
been trying to cheat me out of my pay checks for over 6 months and then Sir
Know it All said he had something to do with that which later I would find out
just how much he was involved with this whole drama. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course I thought at the time his
involvement was based on King Richard’s never ending lies and then I told him
that I would reveal most of what King Richard had said about him later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then King Richard said it sounded like slander
and he would sue me if I slandered him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>REALLY?!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ironically King Richard had slandered me off
and on for 20 years but when I tell the truth he gets really nervous because he
knows I know the whole truth, not just what he wants others to see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard doesn’t understand that slander
involves malicious lies for which he has perfected over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told King Richard that all he wanted was
control and he cannot have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then King
Richard says that he has control over me as soon as I cross the threshold of
his home while pointing to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not on
his life will that ever happen and that was the real issue here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When people like him cannot control others the
only thing they can do is cause as much damage as possible because it’s the
only way they can feel good about themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Ironically
King Richard had been complaining about how he was tired of Sir Know it All and
wished he would just go away because he would argue with every decision King
Richard made. King Richard was tired of telling him to brush his teeth, lose
weight and was tired of the complaints he got on Sir Know it All from some of
the nicer dealerships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you remember
what I wrote in the Other Side of the Story about King Richard making it his
mission in life to break this man if it’s the last thing he does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I suggested that King Richard had
grounds to fire him where he could not collect unemployment because that was
what he was worried about, I now understand how and why Scott used the
information I gave him and could have used it against me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now think it was King Richard’s way of
deflecting suspicion on his true intentions as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my research I found out the narcissistic
people usually find other narcissistic people to be friends with (or feed off
of) and they conspire to use the divide and conquer techniques to achieve their
goals of systematic harassment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other
words… birds of a feather flock together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It made me ever sadder for Sir Know it All’s girlfriend and her daughter
because they have had to endure this treatment for much longer than I have with
King Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they both know they
deserve better and are worth so much more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the saddest part is when King Richard told
me that Sir Know it All’s girlfriend was hoping that King Richard would rub off
on him so he could maybe be a better person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well the jokes on us because neither of them are interested in being
better people and wouldn’t know the first thing about going about it even if
they did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later when
they were finished moving the office, I heard Sir Know it All tell Kind Richard,
well that went better than expected because I had stopped participating in this
farce of a showdown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no point
in using reason and logic much less appealing to the now long gone human that
was once King Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I went to the
neighbors to use their phone to call one person to help me start moving and
another to tell them I would be late the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They thought I was going to call the police
but what could the police do at that point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I accidently left the phone over at the neighbors when I grabbed it to look
up the numbers needed and they returned it to King Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did not bring the phone back to the
charger in the house and I’m not sure what he thought I was going to do with
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also knew that Sir Know it All was
even a worse bully than King Richard but after thinking about it I couldn’t
help but laugh at how cowardly King Richard was by having Sir Know it All do his
dirty work for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard can dish
it out but never could take it and here was the proof once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard came home later and looked
pretty pleased with himself and I didn’t say another word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He started to avoid me at all cost from that
point on which was a blessing and only came home to sleep a few times in the
beginning, then less and less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
started packing and over the next two weeks I stripped his house of almost everything
I paid for and brought from my old home including all the food I purchased in the
freezer and cabinets so I could at least eat, the cleaning supplies to clean my
father’s house, the plastic hangers he uses for his uniforms so I could start
hanging my own clothes up again, the stainless steel cook ware and eventually
the window air conditioner unit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had
been told several times I would take everything <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and would leave him with only what he had to
start with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did however leave several
of the basics for him even though he didn’t deserve even that as far as I was
concerned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had made up my mind that I
was withdrawing everything I contributed to this
psychopathic/sociopathic/narcissistic organization because I couldn’t not
support this type of business or persons in any way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
did allow me to use his truck to move furniture one day, but only because he
wanted me gone as fast as possible and even told me so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also made arrangements for our mutual
friend doing the work at my father’s house to patch all the holes in the walls at
my expense, even though King Richard said don’t worry about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which means, worry about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also asked King Richard to keep Lily in his
room the next night and take her to work with him as he stated was his
intention and I would take Gus with me to my dad’s to get them used to being
apart before we split for good. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King
Richard ignored the request and Lily as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew from experience and the fact that he was telling people that he didn’t
plan to honor his words one more time to teach me who is the boss of his house
and the possibly included him destroying my garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I drafted
a written agreement and letter for King Richard to be signed detailing what I
would agree to and what I would not in regards to our parting of the ways, my
severance check, the vehicle that belong to me and Lily… but in the end I
decided that it was a waste of time and effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As for the 5 stage plan I has devised I struggled with myself as to
whether or not to proceed with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
sanity and my soul was much more important than any war I could have waged
against him and I have a deep desire to not incur any more karmatic debt than I
already have done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I could have
made his life just a miserable as he had made mine, but then I wouldn’t be any
better than he was and to me being a better person was far more important than
a few thousand dollars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a
reason the people who know him in real life was going to be sent a copy of all
of this and it is because I will not live with his lies another day and I
wanted them to see for themselves the other side of the story instead of
relying on his words about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After
thinking about it I decided not to waste the time on sending this to them
because the chances of them actually reading it were slim and I doubt that they
care.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This could
have gotten uglier and he would have had no one else to blame but himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same goes for me because I am to blame
just as much as he is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t listen
to my instincts when I was deciding to move in with him nor did I quietly make
a plan to leave that would have been better and quicker when I saw what he was
capable of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I chose to stay
hoping I could finish something that was so very important in hindsight instead
of finding another solution that would have gotten me out of there immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw the signs and was already committed and
stubbornly held on to the hope of finishing what I started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t need others to fight my battles for
me nor did I ever hide the real me... because I shouldn’t have to... but I
chose to fight a bully verbally by telling him what I thought about him while continued
to do less and less as time wore on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
should have used my knowledge of what he truly is and made better decisions
about staying there after Christmas without relying on him to do the one thing
he cannot do… which is to tell the truth when it counts the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was not written because of pride or
spite, but because no one should have to experience this from him again. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
had set me up, wasted my time and money all the while accusing me of doing the
same thing to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again it is called
projection and gas lighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knew
full well he tried to cripple my ability to go forward with my life and waited
for the perfect time to do it when I had used up the money in my account and had
no time to find other work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard
knew my father’s house was far from being able to sustain 2 people and I
couldn’t get the internet or phone turned on until I came up with $782 to pay
the bill left by the con man, the stove didn’t work and I didn’t even have the
money to finish paying the man helping me fix dad’s bathroom who was kind
enough to help me with a few other things that were dangerously present in the
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had spent my last few dollars on
a cell phone, moving, bug spray because of the spider, flea and ant problem
because I don’t want Gus to be bitten and trying to get the electrical problem
sorted so it would not cause a fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I left
on Wednesday the June 5<sup>th,</sup> the house was reasonably clean, all the
garbage had been taken out, my dishes washed and the floor was swept so King
Richard could not say I trashed his house and pictures were taken to prove that
fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the time drew near for me
to leave, he came home and asked me for the number to the vets office for which
I told him it was on the computer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then
asked me if he could call me if there was a problem with the business and I
told him yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t tell him that if it
was a problem that he or Sir Know it All had caused then he would be on his
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I then asked him for the severance
check and he said he had donated enough and I wasn’t going to receive anything
else from him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I broke down in
tears from frustration and told him I don’t have the money to even transfer the
tag and title to my name on my own vehicle again he said it was my problem and
walked off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately he had no idea
that my tears were not for what he had said or done, they were for realizing
that I may be stuck here with him for a long while and in turn being completely
miserable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will tell you that I had
almost decided to sit tight and force him to get an eviction notice which I
could fight anywhere from 3 to 6 months all the while forcing him to either
relocate temporarily or deal with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But King Richard turned around once again and
said, I’ll tell what I’m going to do… I’ll give you $500 and by the way I found
what you had written and left on my computer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told him thanks and I meant for him to find what I had wrote because I
have no problem saying what I really mean to his face and at least that way I
could get it all out without being interrupted for once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then said what I wrote in the other side
of the story was only my opinion, which is true in a sense but an opinion based
on years of observation, experience and recently a whole lot of research.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Little did he know that I had several people
who were much more experienced in these matters read through the Other Side of
The Story and they came to the probable conclusion that King Richard was a
pathological meaning that he doesn’t have a soul, a conscious and King Richard
had already admitted that he has no empathy or guilt for his actions whether it
was directed to me or anyone else for that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was a hard thing for me to swallow
because I had at least hoped that he had one… somewhere, sometime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And making
King Richard evict me wasn’t even part of the plan, it was something thought of
on the fly while I was seething with anger at his belligerent attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The plan was simple because all I had to do
was tell the truth to the right people at various times… and yes I took the
time to collect the proof… and King Richard could have been out of business by
the end of the year without so much as a second thought… if I wasn’t really
concerned about my own soul and the very real issue of not wanting to be like
him in any way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another book I have read
since I left explained the situation in more detail and it’s called Unholy
Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It explained that the people I had termed as
hoovers were really psychic vampires and they do indeed drain you of your very
life force through a variety of techniques and for very many reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The most striking one being is vampires have
no life force of their own, no creativity or no inner landscape from which to
draw strength from so they must find it from somewhere and consume every last
drop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like a vampire’s bite that can
turn a human into a vampire themselves, people like King Richard can turn a
person like me or you into one of the very things I never want to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s very easy to dance with a vampire and
play the game for me because I’ve known way too many of them in my life time
that it’s almost like a second nature to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In fact, I have little experience with people who are not a psychic
vampire and therefor have much to learn about that way of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has become so very important to me to I
learn new ways of handling myself because I want a better life with better
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While King Richard may have
started as a narcissistic wounded individual he eventually seized his
opportunity to become a full-fledged narcissistic person willfully, consciously
and happily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn’t know or care if
there is another way and at the end of the day he will find his next victim to
drain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
said to meet him the day after I moved out at the bank to make the transfer of
my vehicle and he would then give me the $500.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When he showed up late he only gave me $480 because he said he had to go
buy new hangers and deducted $20.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
didn’t matter to him that I paid for those hangers before I ever came to his
house and in the end I paid double if not triple for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is another example of how deeply petty
and greedy this man is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we finished
King Richard said good luck as I was walking at the door for which I could only
say… whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I was finally free
from his constant energy drain and his complete fantasy world of it being all
about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I had been
upset mostly because I felt so stupid for trusting this man to any degree and most
especially over having to leave Lily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even though I couldn’t handle her aggressiveness at that time, I was
upset that King Richard used her as nothing but a way to hurt me. I had broken
down a few times in front of people that I should have never broke down in
front of when talking about her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt
like I was leaving Trey all over again and King Richard knew that too, in fact
it is probably why he did it, to inflict more pain and suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I said good bye to her I was in tears
again and my heart was breaking because I loved her so very much. It was good
that King Richard was over at Rays and wasn’t there to witness it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t afford to show King Richard any
emotions because he uses them and it makes him so happy when he gets a reaction
or makes people suffer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been that
way for years and has stated many times that his mother cried all the time, so
it didn’t bother him one bit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been
very painful to realize how cruel and vindictive but cowardly King Richard is
toward someone who has helped him as I have over the years, but not in the way
he thinks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The painful part comes from
knowing I can be even worse and play his games even better than him and was
this close to giving him some of his own medicine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know my own words can be cruel and I’ve dealt
with worse men than him too many times in my life but I do not enjoy it in any
way. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The last few
twist and turns in this story are the most interesting to me because some of it
revealed much more about how I affected him than I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was printing out the first copy of
these posts I had to use his printer because mine wasn’t working right at the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To do that I had to save the copy
he read on his computer which I planned to do any way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I was copying each page I reread one
of the last paragraphs to the story and decided to delete it from the copies to
be delivered at a later date.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did so
not because it was wrong information or untrue, I did it because I realized
that it had little to do with the main parts and I had enough information
without using that piece which would have hurt another person who was only
peripherally apart of the things that went on here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This person only observed and helped me
without getting in the middle and I needed to keep it that way for their
sake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After making the changes I must
not have saved the changes to the document as I was in a rush to get many
things done in a short time as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After I left King Richard showed this person the paragraph that was
deleted and did so with the intention of trying to ruin another friendship as
was his normal routine, but this time it didn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had spoken about the issue with this person
directly before and learned a lot about the situation and in turn I told them
how I felt about it long before it was brought to their attention again by King
Richard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later as I
was out applying for jobs I went to a local pet supply store and after
inquiring about a job I got to taking to the owner about unemployment and
having just moved into my dad’s place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When she asked what kind of work I was looking for I told her anything
for right now to get me back on my feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told her that I had been doing the books for a towing company and that
didn’t work out because of the personal issues I had with the owner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked what was the name of the business
so I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She then told me that
King Richard and Sir Know it All where just in there the other day and King
Richard had spent 2 hours detailing his version of what happened to a total
stranger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King Richard also asked her to
relay a message to me about if I ever needed anything for my dog that he would
gladly pay for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I could do at
that moment was roll my eyes and explain to her I wouldn’t be accepting any
favors from him in the near future or ever for that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later again when Gus got sick I called her
because she specialized in holistic products and I was looking for something
that would help him or a suggestion as to what might have been the cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When King Richard came back into the store he
must have been informed and then came back to tell his neighbor that Gus was at
deaths door and how he offered to help me if Gus needed any help with the vet
bills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a guy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some things will never change it seems and
King Richard will continue to play the part of a caring human being when in
reality I know that the human he may have been is long gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point he also told the owner of the
pet supply place that he had moved his office very close by but after months of
traveling back and forth to my old neighbors I highly doubt that he did, so
that show of moving everything out could very well be just that… a show.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">King Richard
also did not fight my unemployment benefits when I had to eventually file and
for that I am thankful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure if
he didn’t open the letter and respond within the time frame given but I did
text him to let him know I was going to apply so he had full knowledge as to
what my intentions were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also didn’t
tear up my garden possibly because it would be in plain view of all the
neighbors and they could see with their own two eyes how shallow and vindictive
he really was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was not out of the
goodness of his heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also made me
remove all 144 cinder blocks from around my garden with little notice so I
spent one full day removing them for the bed, hosing them off and stacking them
to bring home about 20 at a time over that week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The neighbor across the street watched me do
most of it and when I was almost done came over to offer his help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No thanks, I got it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems as if he’s learned a thing or two
for King Richard’s playbook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I did have
to have THE conversation with someone again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You know the one where I explain for the umpteenth time that King
Richard and I were never together in a romantic relationship and I was told
again that he thought so or at least that it was really going to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They told me that he is still talking a lot
about me after months of my moving out and what a crazy bitch I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed and told the person that he will
talk about me until the day he dies because that’s what he does… talk about
everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The absolute great part about
this is… I could care less what he says to anyone about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here is the most
interesting part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When going to make my
dad’s truck payment I ran into Sir Know it All’s girlfriend and found out that
she had decided to leave Sir Know it All.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was happy she was finding her voice and had decided to make a change
for the better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was also surprised
that she hadn’t been turned against me given everything that she must have
heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She revealed a few things that led
me to see how much Sir Know it All and King Richard were more alike than I
first realized but I let her know that King Richard didn’t take all that much
when it came to crossing over to the dark and twisted world of controlling
everything in sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now Sir Know it All
and King Richard spend even more time together from what I see when I visit my
neighbor and I couldn’t be happier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
two of them deserve each other and maybe they will occupy each others time
enough so they cannot find other people to drain, control, harass, or
intimidate.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m sharing
my story of dealing with a narcissist in the hopes that if you have read it and
see any parts here that you are dealing with, you can now make your own choices
based on facts and not fiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having a
narcissist around promising to save you is like someone throwing you a cinder
block while you are drowning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the
outside world can see is a square thing that looks like a float but when you
grab onto it, it will pull you under the water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you continue to hang onto it you will certainly drown a slow death
while the narcissist smiles a cool calculated smile until he turns to face the
crowd with those big crocodile tears and proclaims… I tried to save them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is up to you to know how to save yourself
from people like these and don’t expect much help from that crowd who has
bought tickets to the show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Don't let their "life is good" speech fool you. Narcissists ARE miserable people. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
Why? They can NEVER EVER paradoxically believe themselves worthy enough
to relax and enjoy the type of love and relationship that they so
desperately crave. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> Searching and yearning is exhausting.
Although they enjoy duping others, pulling levers and pushing buttons to
get their little rat treat of supply from others is tiring, like
running on a treadmill that never shuts off. </span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
They KNOW something's wrong. They just don't have the mental construct
to be able to overcome their defenses to deal with their shame in any
meaningful manner. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> They're an addict that has ZERO CLUE what
their addiction is, sort of like being addicted to the air they
breath...all they know is that they have a strong and compelling urge
and compulsion to avoid an emptiness inside that they cannot admit to or
pinpoint."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/114835348601442/photos/a.114842675267376.27014.114835348601442/614206098664362/?type=1&permPage=1" target="_blank">Link to authors page. </a></span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-21211008783313731192013-07-17T14:16:00.002-04:002014-04-07T14:18:52.457-04:00Taking a break<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-6376570532799607562013-04-21T15:24:00.001-04:002013-04-21T15:24:28.216-04:00Why I post disturbing stories and views<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some of you may be wondering why I post the stories about past and current events like I do and others have just hidden me from there news feed to avoid seeing them. I have even lost a few FB friends because of it... and that's okay too. Some real life friends and family may ask themselves why I am more vocal now than before losing Trey, possibly assuming that I have lost my mind as a result of it. I can assure you that my mind is still here even if it is a bit rusty. It saddens me deeply to see so many struggling with personal issues at the same time ignoring the issues that affect us collectively. I was guilty of doing the same thing before Trey died and it was only with his death, that I had the time to start searching for answers as to why we are here and what is our purpose in life. I can't help but wonder if I had taken the time while he was here to really search and apply the knowledge gained before the accident... would the outcome be any different? I may never know the answer to that and many other questions but all I can focus on right now... is NOW!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Many of you may seem to understand that the world is beyond messed up but don't know exactly why it is this way because it is too daunting or disturbing to really look behind the scenes for fear of what we might uncover. I wasn't afraid of what I would find because I would rather have the unvarnished truth as apposed to some candy coated lie any day of the week. My problem was the resources available at that time were mostly the candy coated lies that is most popular even today. The few people brave enough to tell the truth and stand up against the evil of this world are often ridiculed and suffer a relentless assault from the ones that want the truth buried so deep that it never sees the light of day. That makes finding the real truth more difficult than searching for that needle in the haystack. Since I have experienced that on a very tiny level, I can only imagine what that would be like for the ones who have the heart to take on the really big problems in our world. My limited experiences has taught me that ignoring them does not make them go away and if fact leaves the problem or the evil to grow stronger because it is not dealt with. And if you really think back over your time on this planet can you say that the evil has just magically diminished or can you see that it has grown exponentially because it has been running unchecked for many centuries? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I post these articles and graphics because I care and because I don't want to live with the lies anymore. Even the ones I tell myself, like I can't do anything about it or it's not important. It is important to each and every one of us whether we acknowledge it or not. The death of one child no matter the circumstance is important and make no mistake many children are dying all over the world because of the greed, apathy and ignorance that is so pervasive in our society we have all created. I am just as guilty of it and now I am trying to correct what is wrong with me, no matter how difficult the process or how long it takes. I may fail, be wrong or ignored but I will also keep trying. </span><br />
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takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-30539712628621036202013-03-22T15:36:00.001-04:002014-03-20T11:33:00.781-04:00Getting a plan together and a Garden.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2008/05/1st.html"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><<<<< Volume 1.</span></a> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/01/weirdness-within.html">Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within,</a> <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/02/uncomfortable-consumer.html">2. The Uncomfortable Consumer,</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/03/technology-me-and-programs.html">3. Technology, Me and Programs</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-will-we-ever-learn.html">4. When will we ever learn?</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/sex-drugs-and-smoking.html">5. Sex, drugs and smoking,</a></span><br />
<a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/05/suppression-equals-depression.html">6. Suppression Equals Depression</a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/06/practicing-awareness.html">7. Practicing Awareness</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/07/long-distance-friendships-during-war_25.html" target="_blank">8. Long Distance Friendships During War</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/08/away-we-go.html" target="_blank">9. Away we go</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/12/children-and-pit-bulls-at-christmas.html" target="_blank">10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">11. The other side of the story...I</a> & <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story-ii.html" target="_blank">II</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-things-that-divide-us.html" target="_blank">12. The things that divide us</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/03/getting-plan-together-and-garden.html" target="_blank">13. Getting a plan together and a Garden</a>, </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-end-of-story.html" target="_blank">14. >>>>> The End of the Story</a> </span>Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I must say how thankful I am for the internet... again. It lets you do almost all the things I used to do in person or by hand like for instance</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> comparison shop</span>. It's hard to find certain specific pieces in our area sometime and other things not at all. The coolest part is if you do it right and just save the items in a list of sorts and research it before you buy it then it can save a lot of hassle! And take Pinterest for example... while it may be old news to many of you, at first I really thought it was another time suck but as I learned how to use it while cleaning up my computer especially the bookmarks, I found it very useful to save ideas and pictures in one place. It has saved me a lot of time when I finally got everything sorted, tagged and squared away. It pointed me to several blogs that I'm interested in too but the point to this was it let me get my thoughts organized enough to know what I need to do next... easier than before. The bad part is there are so many other great ideas that you could spend the rest of your life trying them all out... which I may just accept that challenge. :) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Many of you know I am moving again...sigh. So there has been a lot of year end clean up, book work, house organizing and cleaning, long time plans being put together and then sometimes rearranged. Researching different ideas about so many things I don't have a clue about, is time consuming but the pay off is saving energy, money and time. And I must say that the prepper's out there may be a little extreme at times but they have a lot of great ideas about so many things... that they put my little preparedness ideas to shame! While I love the idea and the experience of getting back to the basics of life, I'm not going to stock pile a lot of mass produced food to survive whatever these trouble times that lay ahead. Living in a small contained space prevents that but the main reasons is... I can't say I want to live through all that is to come. I also understand that to be able to survive the emergencies of life means having the skills to do as much as possible for yourself and that's more important that stockpiling supplies. I'm lacking in many of those basic skills so now I'm trying to correct that little by little and the first step while I wait on other parts of the plan to come together, is planting my very first garden.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes you read that right and if you know me then you can stop laughing at any moment. I know I have a brown thumb but I'm hoping it's because I didn't have the time, knowledge and energy for it. Now that I have 2 out of 3 and am reading as much as possible... just maybe I can grow something to eat. So I bravely ordered some organic heirloom seeds from the internet and begin to dream a little dream. I set up a little grow station in the front living room and then rigged some lights which were a little small but all I could do at this time. I got some seed soil when the seeds arrived and after soaking them, started planting them in the biodegradable cups nested in roasting pans with lids. Later 3 trips to HD and I had enough concrete blocks to make 2 large raised garden beds in addition to the 2 in front of the house and then I made 3 trips to recycle center for some rich new compost to fill them all in after laying down the fabric to keep the weeds out. These beds are not perfectly level as you will see but for my first try, it could have been worse! :) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Next the plan is trying to construct a sort of cover for the beds using chicken wire, 4x4's, 2x4's and a few hinges to keep the critters out, while giving us access to the fronts. After reading I knew I'd need a trellis for the cantaloupe and maybe the watermelon, if they make it that is, and then I have some old pallets and steps risers to assemble an herb bench. I wanted this to be be able to be broken down at the end of the season so it took a bit to figure out how to do this as cheaply as possible using what I already had. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When the last seeds planted<span style="font-size: small;"> </span>starting to sprout<span style="font-size: small;">,</span> I think maybe I left the lids on too long even though they were vented and I should have done a more staggered germinating schedule but it was too late at this point. I was trying to be careful in watering them too much too <span style="font-size: small;">but now the </span>watermelons look like they are dying but the squash has really taken off. The lettuce looks like it isn't going to make it either and the tomatoes could go either way at this point. Well plan B is to buy plants that are well on their way from the local nursery but maybe I can get these to come back? Well see... </span></span> </span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Update: June 2nd 2013:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">14. </span></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759483617172711311.post-64488705473696186782013-02-19T23:22:00.000-05:002014-01-23T07:26:49.364-05:00The things that divide us.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2008/05/1st.html"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><<<<< Volume 1.</span></a> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/01/weirdness-within.html">Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within,</a> <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/02/uncomfortable-consumer.html">2. The Uncomfortable Consumer,</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/03/technology-me-and-programs.html">3. Technology, Me and Programs</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-will-we-ever-learn.html">4. When will we ever learn?</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/04/sex-drugs-and-smoking.html">5. Sex, drugs and smoking,</a></span><br />
<a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/05/suppression-equals-depression.html">6. Suppression Equals Depression</a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/06/practicing-awareness.html">7. Practicing Awareness</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/07/long-distance-friendships-during-war_25.html" target="_blank">8. Long Distance Friendships During War</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/08/away-we-go.html" target="_blank">9. Away we go</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/12/children-and-pit-bulls-at-christmas.html" target="_blank">10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">11. The other side of the story...I</a> & <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story-ii.html" target="_blank">II</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-things-that-divide-us.html" target="_blank">12. The things that divide us</a>, <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/03/getting-plan-together-and-garden.html" target="_blank">13. Getting a plan together and a Garden</a>, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know even as I grow older I am still surprised by the choices that others make. One reason is they usually don't take into account all the information available and would rather turn the proverbial blind eye to any evidence to the contrary. I've written about living in denial before but it seems to be becoming the way most people have chosen to go. I can't do that no matter how much they might want me too. So when my new old friend <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2012/08/away-we-go.html" target="_blank">Spunky</a> and I started hanging out, I made sure to explain why I do the things I do. Over time it seemed like we were in similar situations with so few others who we could really count on, that it was a blessing that we reconnected. I know I needed someone to talk to about life and the timing of the friendship seemed like it was right. But as always nothing is as it seems and for a while I was left wondering... just what happened. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In some ways we had a lot in common like both being from alcoholic families who were raised in the trailer park to being attracted to the wrong kind of men. We both were tired of that and trying to change the type of friends we made. When I started to research the diet and health stuff, she was a great motivator when it came to finding something that worked. We talked about the world many times and why things are the way they are. We talked about the decisions we both made that led us to where we are today and that's when it became clear that while I had a problem with accepting the status quo, she was quicker to go along with it. It really broke my heart one day when she said she never knew there was anything different or even better out there, which was why she never looked for it. But Spunky was more aware of herself now and that it a rare thing these days. It is the means to understanding our role in this cosmic drama we have agreed to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spunky had come a long way from where she started and I admired her for the tenacity it took. She even over came her fear of talking with me about Trey because she was a parent too. That took a lot and I'll always be grateful because not a lot of people get over the fear that a tragedy could rub off on them just by association. She shared a lot of things with me that she hadn't with too many other people and because of that I shared a lot of what I've detailed in this blog with her. She felt trapped by her current situation and I could certainly understand that feeling all too well. But for me at least there is always a way out... even if you haven't found it just yet... keep looking. Where there is a will, there is a way. But I made a mistake by thinking she was looking for a way out of her situation instead of a way to make it easier. While I do understand the difference I don't understand the need to pretend you want something that you don't want.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I said here I noticed things got weird around the house when we first started hanging out. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was, but my <a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-other-side-of-story.html" target="_blank">roommate</a> seemed to know things that Spunky and I had talked about. It would be a problem I had with him that I explained to her and later my roommate would make a comment on it out of the blue... like he knew. Maybe she thought she was helping with the situation by giving my roommate advice but she had no clue that the advice would be used in a way that would hurt me in the end. No matter how much I explained that living with a narcissistic individual was like living with a two year old toddler from hell, she really didn't have the knowledge first hand to relate and for that I understand. But when the rubber met the road and it came time for her to make a choice when it came to our friendship or the service my roommate can provide she chose the service. My roommate put her in that situation and she didn't even see it coming... even after I warned her. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whatever my roommate said to her when he took her home that <span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: small;">last </span></span>night was enough to make her change her mind about me and she said that there is always two sides to every story. I used to believe that too when I thought that all people have souls and morality but as I've come to realize that when you have two stories... one a subjective version and the other a complete fabrication based on no evidence and the word of a man with much to lose... then any middle ground you are searching for will still be riddled with inconsistencies and farther from the truth than ever. The change in the relationship was gradual but that was the end for me because this wasn't a contest and there would be no winners at the end. When I hugged her good bye that day I knew our friendship was over but it took me a bit to write it out and explain why. She responded that we didn't agree about my roommate and that was true because we didn't have too... it wasn't a condition of our friendship that we agree. But the thing she didn't realize was she didn't have to live with the consequences of his actions like I do. The letter I sent her was not even focused solely on my roommate but mostly about how I saw our friendship. She said she felt the loss...and that was that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having more time to think about things I began to wonder just what her intent was. I mean I do understand that she was in a hard situation because she wanted to remain friends with us both. That's one reason why I made sure not to put her in any position that would make her choose. I did vent quite a lot to her over our time together as I was trying to figure out what was going on with my roommate. Now I can realize that I shouldn't have done that for many reasons but the main one is she thought highly of my roommate much as I had done in the beginning. I also began to feel like I was being babysitted much like my roommate had suggested in the beginning when he told her to come by the house anytime to see me. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have felt that feeling of people trying to pass me off to another person without trying to hurt my feelings before and this felt like the same thing. The bad part is I don't need to be babysitted, I do alright on my own. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That also reminded me of the conversation we had about my parents situations and the fact that I really have no one to depend on in life, other than myself. I'm not sure if the concept was something she couldn't rap her brain around or if she was looking for a way to help me out of this house for my roommates benefit or mine. It wasn't until after she quit working that I begin to see how little effort she put into finding time for the things that she said were important to her. I also saw that she had no problem using others to meet her needs and it was the same problem I have with my roommate. I realized that I was the one who put a lot more effort into this friendship and was starting to fall behind on the things I needed to do for me. I didn't mind the effort I put in because the things we talked about and our friendship was important so I made time. But it became clear that she wasn't honest about her intentions. I understand that we can remain where we are while dreaming of being awake. It takes actions done consistently and with purpose to even attempt to wake up from this illusion we call life. I made a mistake in trying to awaken someone who was not ready to apply the lessons to real life... when it counts the most. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also came to see that Spunky had many people in her life that cared for her and I pointed that out to her too. I hope at least I could help her see that for herself so she could appreciate them while they are here. I gave my friend time and resources that I hope she'll use to find her way... if she <a href="http://www.sott.net/article/255008-What-have-we-learned-from-December-21-2012" target="_blank">chooses</a>. Most of all I gave my friend the room and the ability to make her own choices and I hope that she will remember that too. This whole situation was a tough one from the beginning and Spunky is not to blame for the problems I've had with my roommate nor is she to blame for trying to walk that </span><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2011/11/you-can-never-go-to-far.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" target="_blank">tightrope</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. When she made her choice to put what my roommate could do for her above our friendship, I knew she didn't understand anything we had talked about this far. That day was my sign that our friendship was not based on the truth I have been seeking and for that I'm not sorry. That's what I was really asking for all along. The bottom line is if you can't be real then there is nothing left to do but walk away. I am sorry for any hurt I caused because I don't want to hurt anyone. There is enough of that already in the world. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few months later went by and my roommate said nothing about her which made me wonder just what she told him about us but later he said to me that Spunky just told him I don't love her anymore... and left it at that. I mean what else can she say to him without revealing the whole truth? Not much but she knows I still love her and that had nothing to do with what happened. I miss her and the connection I thought we had. But after some time I've come to understand that everything happens in it's own time and for it's own reasons, whether we are aware of them or not. Understanding that my time here in this area was limited at this point and when I leave, I want to really make a fresh start with a clean break from all that is around here... is the underlying reasons for much of what I do. People around here will always associate me with being a childless parent, a friend of my roommates or any of the crazy exes I've been with and there is so much more to me, to my life and my future... than that. I just have to realize it and that is hard to do here because so many people are stuck in one place, mentally, physically and spiritually. That is what really divides us in the end... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://takenit2thend2.blogspot.com/2013/03/getting-plan-together-and-garden.html" target="_blank">13. Getting a plan together and a Garden >>>>> </a> </span></div>
takenit2thend2http://www.blogger.com/profile/09566090886628979274noreply@blogger.com0