Normally I would have simply walked away from another
relationship that had turned toxic but in this instance, I didn’t have that
luxury because of working with this individual.
Walking away quietly without fanfare is the best choice if available but
this girl would not leave even though she was asked to repeatedly because she
has an undue sense of entitlement and enjoys making others miserable while
blaming everyone else for her problems. I now suspect that she has BPD which is Borderline Personality Disorder mixed with Histrionic Personality Disorder, HPD.
So a little back story is in order and this is my opinion. I had written about her in the blog during my
younger years and gave her the nickname of Little Bit but her real name is
Nicole Jackson. We have known each other
most of our life and her best friend was my neighbor and mine was the girl
across the street but we did hang from time to time. We stayed at the same day care where she
claimed she was molested by the husband of the care giver and has used that as
a weapon to get what she wants for the rest of her life instead of getting
professional help to deal with the trauma.
We saw little of each other especially after I left home
but after Trey died, she came to his funeral and we started talking a little
after that. It wasn’t until after I
moved back to dad’s that we reconnected again and she was on her umpteenth
relationship with another guy who didn’t work and was having a serious problem
with him as a man. I eventually
understood that she thrived on chaos and drama but I became closer with her mom
because she is way more real than her daughter and being older she was looking
for some calm in her life.
When my dad was at the end of his life Nicole stopped by
occasionally to check on him while I was at work and she did help me realize
that I had so little time left with him, even though I didn’t want to accept
it. For that I will always be
grateful. But after dad died, she
volunteered her man to take on the remodel of the other bathroom and knew I
only had a certain amount of money and time to get it done so I could get the
kids out of the camper. She said she had
to supervise her man because he wasn’t able to get the job done without it and
after 3 months she came to me about a school trip her youngest daughter wanted
to go on. I had already given her half
of the money upfront but volunteered to go ahead and pay her the rest so that
she would have it for her daughter’s trip.
Work had all but stopped at that point and after another
3 or 4 months went by with her man not showing up to complete the work, I asked
for the last half of the money back so I could pay someone else to get it
done. She was livid that I would do such
a thing but she did pay the half back and I did get someone else to get the
work done but the damage to the friendship had been done.
Many months later we did talk a little about it and both
admitted that we were angry about it and I tried to make amends even though I
felt I didn’t do anything wrong because I really wanted to stay close with her
and her mother. Nicole admitted nothing
and still thinks that she was entitled to that money for work not done. But things moved along until she got pregnant
and I found out on Facebook through a post.
This would be her 4th child by 4 different boys, because I
can’t call them men, at 42 years of age.
So she is seriously unhappy in this relationship and talking all kind of
trash about him to anyone that would listen and then deliberately gets pregnant
by him. Okay. Whatever.
She had started work at a gas station and claimed to be
the best worker there and nobody else did anything. When she was passed over for a promotion I
thought at first that it was a dirty thing to do to her but after having worked
with her at my place of employment for 6 months, I can now see why. She spends too much time telling people off
and not doing things that need to be done instead of taking care of the work
that she deems beneath her. She had called out numerous times, shows up when she wants and then wants to leave when it suits her, no matter if it leaves others in a bind. It makes
total sense now why they wouldn’t promote her in a position of manager because
they knew she would probably use and abuse the power that came with it.
I know that Nicole can do some of the most kindest things sometimes. I am not even questioning her motives because I really do believe that she cares deeply when she is able to care. I think she does try really hard some days and you can see that she is making it work. She thinks I don't understand how hard it is to take care of almost everything. I also know each one of us has good and bad days but the issue is when the bad start outweighing the good on a regular basis. And the bad was and is made worse by the manipulation and guilt trips that she pulls when things don't work her way. The hatred starts to outweigh the love and kindness and seems to take over the soul. You also need to have respect for yourself to be able to have it and receive it from others. I don't think Nicole has respect from herself so she can't really understand what it is or how to achieve it for herself.
So now here we are today and I have had words with her at
work over the last month and a half about her job duties, availability and
attitude. You can’t ask Nicole to do
something nicely and have her do it. No
I have to get pissed to get my point across to make it happen and that just
wears me out. After the first time, I
knew she had to go from my department and hopefully from the store altogether
but instead of continuing to argue with her I came home and just wrote things
out to get them off my chest. I had no
intention of giving her the letter below but at some point it became necessary
to light a match to the powder keg to get her out.
Nicole is purple and mine is in blue...
After the first argument at work she must have restricted
her post where I couldn’t see them on Facebook.
It really was not necessary because I never commented on any of her
diatribes or even saw that much because I log in to go straight to my game most
of the time. But when my roomie asked
did I see her post about her quitting and asking for constant prayers for her
dire situation, I found I couldn’t see them on my own account and knew then she
had restricted my views. Okay fine, do
big deal, except for the fact that I knew she was manipulating others into
feeling sorry for her again. That is her
normal state of being. I never let on
that I saw it and then there were 2 other major arguments at work over the last
month. So this letter below details some
of the issues and then the follow up is interesting.
What caused the letter to be sent is another post on
Facebook brought to my attention which states:
“the bosses at my job have no respect for me and my current situation. I
told them I needed off by 2 to take Jess and myself to urgent care. I left at
340. Guess who called out on the busiest day of the week? With NO regrets. Jess
and I are so sick and stressed the dr would not give us a decongestant because
our bps were through the roof. We don’t have bp problems. 2 hrs would have been
easier to cover than 8.”
The above post didn’t take into account that the managers
worked with her schedule so she could find daycare for Joe and that I switched
shifts with her as much as possible afterwards so she could handle things while
her mom was trying to recuperate from a fall.
And for the record, I asked the managers who she talked to about going
home early that day and the answer is no one.
She stated that she’d like to go home a little early to me while I was
finishing my last order and getting ready to go to lunch. I didn’t answer either way. When I came back from lunch she was working
an order for the next morning and when I told her I thought she was leaving
she said I wanted to get this order with a lot of meat done. So okay.
That was that.
After getting home and being showed her Facebook post I
started thinking it was time to push this to an end whatever it may be so I
found 2 memes about respect and how it is demanded without being earned and
posted those on her wall. Then came her
posting about me causing all this drama which in turned caused me to find
another meme about drama and posting that to her wall as well. It was a good one too and described her to a
tee. It said, “You don’t like drama?
Funny how your name comes up as executive producer on every single episode
around you.” And then she had a rambling
post about God and sins and all that… which I could only deduce she was telling
me I was going to hell. It was hard to
interpret because the crazy had taken full control. So I responded:
Letter to Nicole I sent to her Facebook.
You know, you argue much better than I do. You will argue
with a fence post until it rots and I prefer to spend my time, energy and money
on much more productive, healthy things.
I know there is little to no point in it and it gets me nowhere. You on the other hand live for it. You can quote policy, rules and regulation
like nobody’s business. Unfortunately,
you only apply them to others and not yourself believing you are above them
all. You think you know everything while
your life shows that it’s far from the case. I, myself, have so much to learn
and apparently this life lesson is another test to see if I’ve learned what I
need to. We shall see.
You thrive on constant misery and while that is your
right it is not your right to make others miserable. The way you do that is create an environment
of chaos, derision, division, drama and a world that is centered around
you. However the world does not revolve
around you though and that pisses you off to no end. You have gotten a lot of mileage out of being
a victim so you can manipulate those around you and will continue on that
path. Your life, family, work, friends,
heart and mind are in shambles and it is your own doing. But you will continue to blame others for
your poor decisions, refusal to listen or learn because you will not take real
responsibility for your actions.
You’ve
been playing with players so long that you’ve become one. You think you are the best at games and maybe
you are with as much practice as you’ve had.
You’ve gamed the system, mental health pros and anyone else who will
play. Real people don’t play games
because they don’t have to, to get what they need in life. I know I sure don’t nor am I afraid to say
what needs to be said directly to you.
I’ve
been quiet and let you do what you do best over the last few months, but make
no mistake, I was aware of your bullshit.
I’ve known that you vague post on Facebook, as you are well known for,
even when you excluded me from the post.
Either you don’t have the balls to say things to my face or you are just
looking for more sympathy. But the one
where you stated you were quitting and asking for prayers is the first one that
was brought to my attention. Sad thing is I don’t pay that much attention to
anything on Facebook, much less your non-stop drama.
Second
thing is, you went to Marie and tried to show her my text messages where I
repeatedly told you to do your job or quit without a thought that I was well
within my rights to say that to you. Had
she looked at them and asked me about it, I would have shown her your
belligerent texts preceding mine. That
shows how little you valued me as a friend and that you were willing to play
dirty… if only you had some dirt to play with.
I
will remind you that I told Felicia not to make you full time because your life
is a hot mess and I told you the very same thing with the exception that going
full time means that you have little control of your schedule. She made the offer and you accepted so now I
get to deal with your constant inability to work, get the job done CORRECTLY,
and you deliberately making things much more difficult by not listening to what
is needed when it’s needed. Examples are
double bagging 6 packs of drinks, raw meat with raw veggies, using the add/sub
button on the handheld when explained that it doesn’t work correctly if at all
and then arguing with the managers when they tell you do something or stop
doing it.
Third
thing is, I have worked there for 6 years and not only know a lot of people for
a long time, have worked with many of them.
I know you talk shit about your personal life and while that makes you
look small and disturbed, which you really are, when you start talking about me
or lying rather so you can continue to play the victim, you not only look like
a fool because these people know me and rely on me to get the job done… they
see you for what you are. Petty,
childish, selfish, rude and now incompetent.
That looks bad on me.
Lastly,
today when you started preaching about God and Heaven and that whole rambling
diatribe, instead of telling me I’m going to hell how about you worry about
your own soul. I’ll take care of mine
because I do want to be healthy and at peace.
I work at it because I know that it’s the most important thing in the
world. You just pretend too. That is a BIG difference.
If you are popping pills in addition to your alcohol
consumption then that is another animal all together. Either way you will continue to alienate
everyone that loves you and you will not seek any meaningful help or let that
help work for you because you are simply unable to. I’m sorry for that. You had such a good heart and you’ve ruined
it. I cannot be a party to this life of
misery that you so enjoy and I will not participate in your disintegration. I also know that it’s no big loss to
you. I wish you luck but you’ll need so
much more than that.
End of letter.
Her response was just what you’d expect and started a
downhill run but my goal is now to get her to quit where I work at and move on:
Nicole: I do not have time to read your condescending
bullshit when your own back yard is worse than minr. That is where we differ. I
own mine. You blame your hoover ass mother.
You justify your own bull shit how you want too. I don't give a damn. I
didn't let my parents raise mine with out me. You would not could not see what
your dad was suffering with out me telling you so....so there you go miss smart
ass with all your knowledge. You let people tear up your investment and have
peeps as roommates who suckered emtoinally and financially. All that after you
let your only child go to your hoover mother. I am not a bitch to fuck with.
Me: Please....
that's the best you got...
You are so transparent.
I've always owned all my shit. I
just deal with it where you only create more.
I am not fucking with you, just telling you the truth and
you don't like it.
Nicole: No none of
you like that fact I own mine and delta with it. You told you wanted better and
you spin the.mud and don't see who you tried to use others and Karma got your
ass. I know I am sinner and Satan fights me daily.....all things said my friend
and I was with you for your dad and the respect was non existent......live
large
I live in truth. Unlike your saintly ass.
Me: Never said you
weren't with me with dad. But you will
never understand that you are not going to use and abuse people like you do and
live this truth that you say you love.
Nicole: Again you
are the 1 to use people.....
You knew before I came to work there my family is 1st.
You thought I would kiss your ass....ha ha
Me: I am a human
being and I will always be one. It's
funny now that I think about the projection that's coming from you. You are accusing me of what you really are.
Should have stayed part time.
Nicole: I ask
Jennifer and Tony if I don't get the job done let me know...let me go....again
they came to me
Me: I don't want
or need people to kiss my ass little girl.
I need grown ups that work. And you ain't it.
Bullshit, they tell me something completely different.
Nicole: That why
the mangers keep me bitcb.
Then fire my ass
Me: No, they don't
have a replacement for you yet but they are working on it.
Nicole: A jod is a
dime a dozen
Job is a dime a dozen
Me: They why don't
you go find them then?
Nicole: That's OK
I am leaving
Me: When?
Today would be GREAT!!!
Nicole: You won't
get the pleasure of knowing
Me: Of course not
because that's what grown up do.
Nicole: Again
grown up raise their kids and are their for their dying parents......really
keep it up miss grown ass
Me: If you read
t=what I sent you will see just what I know....
Grown ups who don't have their parents paying their way
have difficult decisions to make and they do the best they can.
Nicole: Again you
don't get it. I tried to leave and They asked me to stay.
Me: Well don't
stay on their account. Feel free to just GO!!! We will be just fine without
you.
In addition to small, petty, childish, clueless,
disturbed and unstable you are also delusional.
They make meds for that so you should go find some.
Nicole: No you are
all that and some more. You are so short sighted and want to blame others. I
have waited along time to tell you get your nose out the air because you keep
creating your own bullshit. From humans to animals. You like Eric and be sure
when I get in to work tomorrow I'll share the bullshit.....if it wasn't for
Joes needs tonight, I would deal with it tonight. You are as much as a con as
my ex and Don. He taught you well.
Me: Why wait?
Nicole: Unlike you
my babies come 1st
Me: Says the girl
with every dead beat con who even married one.
Nicole: Get
something more against me please you have no fight here
Me: You are a
piece of work. I have laughed my ass off
at you stupid shit and you weak attempts to hurt me.
You truly reaching at this point.
Nicole: Again you
can't hurt me you did that all on your own
Me: I guess it's
easier to make shit up that it is to see the truth.
Nicole: You ain't
worth it theif
Me: Lol
I am worth plenty to the real people and animals who need
me.
I know my worth and I know myself. Sad that you will never know that about
yourself.
I was never trying to hurt you in the first place. That's not my style.
Nicole: You get
your worth from your twisted shut and I am over being OK with that.
Yes you hurt so deep you cut those who have been there
for you
Me: I don't need
to hurt people to feel better about myself or my life.
Playing the victim again I see.
Its always about you.
Nicole: Oh yes you
do...you get off on your sanctimonious shit
Me: I get off on
laughter and peacefulness. I have a
better understanding of many things because I wanted to learn.
Nicole: No you
have only justified your own bullshit. I
am happy for you to live in ignorance.
Hoover just like ya momma
Me: Why thank
you. That just shows me that you have
never listened to a word I said much less read the blog that helped me put
things into perspective. I justify
working to make a living, I justify doing what's right even if it's hard and
most importantly I justify being someone who can learn. I know, that's not something you can or will
do. You just keep turning this into
something it's not. It's easier than to
take a good long look in the mirror and do something about you life.
I don't know where you got this from. Your mom is a sweet lovable if not loud
person who you've taken advantage of for you whole life. You are the real hoover sweetie.
I don't have to play games or get mean because there is
and always a better way. But that's all
you know. I can get mean and be just as
down and dirty as you but I want stay out of the gutter.
End of Facebook conversation.
But I wanted to say so much that would have placed me
right in the gutter with her. I mean who
uses a kid and a parents death against them when the only thing it had to do
with this whole issue is that I’ve learned from my mistakes the best I can and
it has changed me in way that I couldn’t begin to get someone like her to
understand.
I will state for the record she is either lying or really delusional about the managers there asking her to stay. I'm fully aware that some managers can and will double talk to suit them but unprompted comments I get from the managers and other employees are really good indication that we are all ready for her to go. I had stopped covering for her and cleaning up her mistakes. I knew if I just gave her enough rope she take care of the rest. And she has...
In the above rant she states in one sentence I let people take advantage of me such as
the kids in the camper, my roommate’s son and animals but in another I am the
user. The disconnect between the two is
so profound that I have to wonder if she even notices it.
I didn’t call her out on her blackout drunks and the one
where there may have been some type of pills involved that caused her to lose
track of Joe and he ingested some medications causing the other daughter to
call the police and get DSS involved. Or
the neighbors telling me how many times Joe has wondered off toward the very
busy street we live on. Or the fact that
the one daughter has severed all contact with her while the other daughter
moved to NY quite possibly to get away from all the strife in the house. Or the fact that her own mother, daughter and
I have had many conversations while her mom was in tears about how hateful and
vengeful Nicole is when she can’t get them to do what she wants. It just goes on and on with now end in sight.
Another profound disconnect is all the hate and vengeance
in her heart while she claims to love God and Jesus and believes he will avenge
all the things she believes that have been done to her. I may not be an expert in the bible but I’m
pretty sure that’s not how it goes.
While she stated repeatedly that she owns hers that is also only true
when she needs an excuse for her decisions, behavior and her treatment of
others. She has had no real desire to
find the professional help she so desperately needs. That would mean she would
have to take responsibility for herself and stop blaming everyone else for her
own deep seeded issues. It's simply never going to happen.
When asked by another person about why she thinks I’m
such a bad friend even though I’ve done all I can for her I told them she
answered that question herself but it was a projection again. Or on second thought maybe it was gaslighting
which means accusing others of what you are doing yourself. She said she wasn’t going to kiss my ass and
that is what she wants in a nutshell. But
I have observed her making decisions that affect everyone around her without a
thought as to what they have to go through as well. Or a better way to put it she does what she
pleases and damn the consequences because she expects the other people in her
life to pay for those.
So all aboard the crazy train express for the traveling
shit show. The final destination has yet
to be determined but we will get to the end one way or the other.
8/22 After being gone for 2 days at work I found that she went to a manager again and showed her just one comment from our previous chat which was...
Me: Well don't stay on their account. Feel free to just GO!!! We will be just fine without you.
Still playing games trying to look like the victim. She just doesn't understand that it's not just me that sees through it like a glass and reveals more about her motives than anything else. It not only didn't work the way she wanted because I sent a screenshot of her post to several people that needed to know, and its something I've never done before or hope never to have to do it again. Her going to the manager worked in my favor because it's more evidence that she needs to leave. The managers are collecting more as the days go by and that's about all I can say without revealing certain confidences and details at this time that would only help Nicole circumvent the effort to get her out of our POE. While I was having a conversation with this manager about several other things which most was personal stuff the manager said oh BTW, just don't text her about quitting or put it in writing. I agreed because it doesn't matter how you try to get through to her, no new information gets through. I also briefly explained some of the things that were going on between Nicole and I then the manager laughed and said I was an open book. I told her why not, got nothing to be ashamed of then thanked her and went on about my day.
8/23 Another call out today and I didn't ask the reason. It looks like her Facebook post is making the rounds with the managers and they are not pleased.
8/24 Nicole showed up to work today as if nothing happened in one way but she would not look me in the eye. While I had avoided being around her over the last 2 weeks I didn't really notice that fact until today when I made a point several times to look right at her. I've given this a little more thought and I seriously doubt that she is crazy or has PTSD. I really believe that is her cover or excuse so she can carry on and she is fully aware of what she is doing. I could almost see her mind working trying to figure out how to play the situation to her favor again.
8/29 Woke to a message from Nicole:
I wondered how long it would take for one of the 7 people I sent this to in a private message, to either talk about it or show it to her. She is right about me not having a PHD but then one is not required to have an opinion. I only hope that any of those people who received the link to this blog felt like sharing it with the ones in their life that needed to know. Forewarned is forearmed. I've given this a little more thought between everything else I have going on and I'm not so sure that she has any mental illness to speak of. It just may be a serious character flaw or defect which to the best of my knowledge there is no known treatment. The book Character Disturbance was helpful in recognizing some of the tactics that are used by such individuals. While I've heard the stories as most of you have, it's not until you experience it first hand that you really begin to see the true self of that person. With more information and details I can now see that it isn't just the hatred in her heart, but it was how it was delivered which was childishly as a teenager with little self control. It was also why it was delivered which for me was after I called her out publicly but I'm sure many of you have experienced it with even less of a provocation.
If she plans on taking me to court for whatever she can dream up, then it will all be public record and even if she wins by nefarious means then she will still end up with nothing because I own nothing. Wonder how that will work when anyone else has an issue with her and uses the case, should there be one, in an effort to defend themselves?
8/30 - 8/31 I was handed a copy of an order I shopped and then asked the manager what did I do wrong with it? They said it had nothing to do with me but there was a problem with the pharmacy and that Nicole tried to handle it. That resulted in an FYI which isn't a complaint but still needs to be handled. When she was asked about it she said that she didn't shop that order and tried to throw me under the bus again. I was informed that was the fourth FYI in about 6 weeks that she had received and was directed to take another manager and tell her she is no longer to handle any customer concerns and to find a manager if I am not there to take care if it. So I did and she stated that she had tried to get a manager but they couldn't or wouldn't deal with it. She shrugged and said it was fine about the rest. I told the manager that requested the talk that it was done and I had already taken as much responsibility away from her as I possible could.
So the next day came and things moved along until Nicole went to lunch at about 2 pm came back at 2:30 and tried to skip the next order because it was 72 pieces but was due at 3:30. I told her to start shopping that order for that reason while I went to lunch before she left so the new girl wasn't left alone and she said she wasn't going to do it because she wasn't staying late. She had changed her schedule again to leave by 3 which wasn't a problem. I told her 3 times total to at least start the order and I'll finish it when I came back. The exchange was heated on her part and was over heard by a manger that neither of us knew was around the corner. Later I was asked about it and I said just trying to get someone to do her job that she doesn't want to do. They nodded and that was that. She has been trying to play the managers as well and just can't see that they know exactly what she is doing.
So it's now 11/29 and I've been back to work now for 2 weeks. I had taken the time off to be with my mom in her final days. Nicole is still at the job, pissing off customers, coworkers and managers but going right up to that line while never actually crossing it. She is still making her own schedule, doing the bare minimum (sometimes it seems like she is trying to do some of these things just so we would have to take more responsibility away from her), and my personal favorite... she takes credit for things that are not her doing and no responsibility for her mistakes. In others word same old, same old. The first day back I glanced up as she was walking by and she seemed to smile at me. I'm not sure if it was her trying to pretend like everything was okay, like nothing ever happened or it was because she thinks she has won something. With her you never know. The one thing I do know for a fact is that when someone shows you what they really are underneath the facade of being a friend which is a really nasty individual... believe it.
Today is 3/10/21 and more than a year has gone by during which we all lived through Covid in what was deemed an essential business. Nicole seemed to get somethings together and the call outs have lessened. She also comes in on her days off or stays late every once in a while. I managed to continue working with her for the sake of others in the team by keeping any talk to work related issues and when anything personal started I would ignore it if I couldn't walk away. Even if she was capable of a sincere apology it would be the same and I am reminded everyday not only what happened but of what also could happen at any time if she goes off the rails. I am asked about her from time to time when new people come in and my response is the same every time. Ignore her to the best of your ability and if that doesn't work then let me know.
I know the front end gets tired of her telling them how to do their job over the head sets and we get tired of hearing her as well. She has no concept of how rude she is and there are somedays when her mood is so bad that I wish she would just go home. More than one new person has commented on her negative energy and the vibes she puts out. But when you are that miserable of a person and believe that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread while the rest of us mere mortals are incompetent... what can you expect? That doesn't seem fair of me to point this out again and I know that it seems petty. But I'm honestly feel tired of dealing with it everyday we have to work together.
For me the more personal aspect of this is that forgiveness is on going process. I read that being or staying mad at disturbed people was like being mad at a tornado for being a tornado. They are what they are. During that time I had a lot of emotions going on with moms dying and I can't say that I was mad at Nicole or even hurt much by her actions at that time. They simply paled in comparison. She did know of the difficulties of my relationship with mom and seemed to have no clue that if we were going to mend what we could that now was the time before she passed. But I was surprised at Nicole's actions because of how low she went when I simply asked her to quit if she can't or won't do the job. Another surprising thing was how unaware she was of herself and actions when they were extremely noticeable to others. She honestly thought she was right when she was trying to get me in trouble or fired for telling her the truth not understanding that her behavior, work ethic and nasty attitude toward even the managers at the time spoke volumes to the fact that she was not cut out for this job. Or for having any meaningful relationships outside of it. She once told me that was what families do but that is simply an excuse to tear people down. Over the last year and a half I have given this more thought than I wanted to because it affected me more after the grief of mom's death eased.
I think back to the time when I was 18 to 25 and remember how volatile I was in reacting to things of this nature and am very thankful that I grew up enough to deal with anger and things of this sort. Nicole should be too because she once told me I had changed and I wasn't like I was when we were young and in school. If I hadn't changed and grew up I would have jacked her up without a moments thought, mentally and physically. But if I had done so then I would've sunk to her level and that is something I will not allow. With getting older I realize that real friends and family do not tear you down for telling the truth and if things get bad they are there to support you and help you along the way. I would have continued to do that for Nicole if she had been at least trying to find a healthy way to deal with her inner demons. She chooses to give those inner demons free rein no matter what it cost her. Maybe when everything and everyone is gone from her life because she has driven them away will she then begin to understand that she is her own worse enemy. No matter how she hurts the people in her life she will continue to be the victim. It still saddens me to see what could have been and I deal with it often.
I have no need to deliberately hurt people and I don't even have it in me to do so any more. I was always conscience of the effect that words and actions have on others because I knew how they made me feel. I also know I have hurt people nonetheless more so when I was younger when I was angry at the world and lashed out at them or even when I didn't but just went my own way. I've also known great pain and desolation in my life. I lived and worked my way through them learning new things as I went. It gave me a deeper empathy for others that I had thought I had lost many years ago. I used to think that anyone could do anything they set their mind to and it came down to whether they would or not. While that may be true for some I've had to learn the hard way that it's not so much what has happened to a person but what is inside them that make the biggest difference in the outcome of their lives. I have spent many years trying to understand others as much as myself because I want to know a better way. Fortunately I have found many resources to help me deal with my own issues and when to not deal with others who are on a destructive path.
Another update on 6/18/21: At this point I am just logging events that happen to have a record of them in case it's needed and that may happen sooner rather than later. On a Saturday night or Sunday morning I received a notification that Nicole had sent me a Facebook friend request. I thought her account my have been compromised or her oldest daughter with special needs had sent it if Nicole had walked away and left it open for whatever reason. I sure didn't think she would send the request on her own. But I deleted it whatever the reason and when on. I've also been told a few times that she still states that we used to be good friends and it's sooooo sad that we don't even speak to each other any longer. I can only shake my head at that.
During the last 2 weeks there has been some internal issues in the home shop team that have come to a head after brewing for a long while and it seems the whole store has had major issues with HR being there often since February when Jennifer came back to the store. I don't know all the details about the conflicts with Jennifer the store director but as for internally we have hired a few more new people for home shop and with summer a few of the part timers have opened their availability slightly. My main issue that I have been tasked to deal with is the fact that several people will not carry the phone, answer it and complete the deliveries in a timely manner. My job is to insure that the team runs smoothly and handle the normal day to day problems that occur when customers or any of the team have a problem they can't handle. Since another manager shuffle has happened within the last 2 weeks, there is one new co manager and another CSM that will be starting soon who will need to be briefed as to the ongoing issues. The problems I can see as the point is that they are new to the store and know no one so I don't really expect for them to take me at my word. But the biggest problem is that I am not a manager and cannot be expected to deal with people who will NOT do portions of their job they deem beneath them for whatever reasons. That crosses over to their territory and so far I have not found a manager who is willing to take that on.
Nicole has consistently refused to handle the phone or do deliveries whenever possible, most of the time while I am at work. While she is not the only one, she is the longest running member of the team to do so and as a full time employee she should be setting a better example for the newer employees. She doesn't flat out refuse in words, she simply sets the phone down in its cradle and walks away. She will sometimes help with getting a delivery together but will only take it out if there is no other person she can direct to do so. I don't know why. Newer people in the team have picked up on it and are doing some of the same things.
On the week ending 6/08, I had carried the phone for 4 days in a row. I usually don't mind and do so for several reasons. To give the newer people more uninterrupted time to shop so they have a chance to become more efficient and to give the others orders to shop so they don't have to go up front and bag groceries. It also gives me time to handle parts of my job and the ones that some of them refuse to do. But after 4 days, I came in and made it clear to all that I would not be carrying the phone that Monday but still found it in the cradle or my hands several times that day. During a part timers 30 minute lunch, Nicole placed the phone in the cradle and the calls were routed to the front end for which the ACSM called out the name of the 2 deliveries over the head set. I was in produce and did not respond because it was Nicole's responsibility to do the deliveries but I was stationed just where I could see how long it took her to get to the office and knew where she was at that moment. We have 4 minutes to get the groceries to the car and it took her 3 minutes to get to the office.
A few minutes later Nicole states over the head set that someone needs to bring a mop and bucket to the office to clean up a gallon of milk that fell off the shelf as she was pulling another order. She got no response to that. I finished the order I was working on, came back to the office to see the gallon of milk still laying on the floor with a wad of paper towels over it. She didn't even replace the gallon, she just continued on as if nothing happened. It is on camera. After about an hour, Nicole finally cleaned it up but only after the ACSM told her to clean up her own mess and she complained about it bitterly.
At the end of the day, I had had enough and wrote a memo stating that there will now be a phone schedule where every one will carry the phone, make the deliveries and be held responsible for not getting them out within the 4 minute wait time if they chose to pretend they can't do the job. I posted the memo and the new schedule on the board for them to review when they came in on that Tuesday, which was the first of my 2 days off. The following Thursday when I came back was our audit day and when I walked in was told that Nicole called out (shocking, I know), but the old CSM also said that Nicole had a lot to say about the new phone schedule on Tuesday, (again shocking).
Nicole uses classic responsibility avoidant techniques like a pro. The reason was 2 audits ago she had accidently left the locks open on one of the cabinets causing us to fail the audit but swears it was not her. I wasn't there that day as the audit was scheduled on one of my regular days off. So to avoid being blamed for another mistake she could make she chooses to avoid being present on a very important day where we are already short staffed, putting us in a bigger bind. While I don't know exactly what she told the MOD the night before, I know she didn't tell another soul about her planned absence and if I had to guess she used her son as an excuse as she does on a regular basis. I honestly believe she had that child so she would have an excuse for any and everything possible and since it is her last one she will get as much mileage from him as possible. She had a classic melt down with the old CSM about her schedule and manipulated her into giving her the choice hours of 8 am to 4 pm with Saturday and Sunday's off. Sweet! For her any way.
On that Friday the schedules were replaced after having been taking down and they are enforced but as usual Nicole has found another person to sympathize with her who seems to carry the phone during Nicole's allotted time frame. But because she can't completely get out of it all the time, she has decided to use her talents at divide and conquer, blaming others for her own failings while trying to make herself look good or like a victim, she has started talking about me in a way that makes it look like that I am not doing my job. She is famous for stating one small fact out of context and remaining silent on the things that would show herself for what she is.
Nicole has a conniving, manipulative, selfish, hateful, weak individual side of her personality that thrives on chaos and drama as referenced several times in this post above. She has a knack for setting up things to look like she is all agreeable and throwing me under the bus every chance she can. An example was when she waited until an hour before her shift to end to go to lunch leaving me with the last order which was no big deal. She comes back from lunch and as I was finishing that order she tells me that one was here to be picked up. It was a big one and they needed to come inside to pay so I helped her get it together making me late for my lunch. At 4 pm she places the phone in the cradle and walks out telling the co manager and the CSM who were standing together that she came back in plenty of time for me to take my lunch but omitted the rest of the situation. When asked, I filled in the details and that was that. It is what it is.
On Thursday 6/17 the floral manager over heard Nicole talking derogatively about me to another front end employee. The reason was at 3:30 pm, 30 minutes before she was scheduled to leave she came back to the break room and placed a ringing phone in my hand and told me that the part timer was trying to finish an order so she could leave in front of the floral manager and other front end worker. I started laughing at the audacity of her actions, pretending like she was in charge, I was doing nothing and she was championing the underdog. Again when she was talking to the lady up front she was omitting critical parts of the story, throwing me under the bus and the floral manager heard enough to know what was going on and she was upset.
I talked to the floral manager about it stating that Nicole has been doing it for over 2 years and it doesn't bother me because I know what is right and her opinion means so very little to me. I also told her that I refuse to rise to the bait and give her the satisfaction of being a part of the drama she so thrives on. The floral manager said she was going to go to the manager and the district manager if need be. I told her that it wasn't necessary because it wouldn't change anything. Nicole has been working the system for so long that there wasn't a manager around that had a prayer against her schemes. And so for now, we continue on and on...
Update 10/18/21
In an upcoming meeting with HR at work that involves another employee that Nicole has befriended, I have written a recap of the above events and included recent ones as well to refute the accusations that have been brought forth.
Since my
guess as to the direction of the situation which was calling HR was to turn out
true, I have decided to prepare for the inevitable by gathering my thoughts and
putting them into writing. The turmoil
has been boiling off and on for a while and things need to come to a head and
clear out. Writing helps me think and
make decisions about what outcome I’d like to see and how to go about it so
that everyone benefits for the best possible solution. I don’t know which one actually made the call
to HR but I do know that it doesn’t matter because they will only present a
small portion of the issues here. This
letter is to highlight the whole problem in an attempt to get to the bottom of
the matter.
There are
those who do the least amount of work either by restricting their schedules to
avoid working on the busiest days, calling out and/or going home early often even
when we are busy. Being full time seems
to make no difference. Then there are those who ride the clock doing as little
as possible when they are here. Those
types are the ones who complain the most and the loudest about having to work
or being called out about not working.
We have reached a tipping point in the whole store where there are more
of these types of workers than workers who actually WORK. The two I write about
here are the center of these issues.
I’ve known
Nicole Jackson all her life and in desperate times told her about the job. As part time she did fine but as soon as she
went full time it went all down-hill from there. I’ve regretted it ever since. When asked by others about her, this has been
the standard reply given and then I let them make their own judgements about
her behavior. The attached letter is a detailed explanation of the events that
has led us to where we are today. I do
not like making this public but since Nicole has dragged most of her home life
into work as an excuse for several things, there is little in there that has
been revealed already. It reveals her
character in her text messages, FB post and response to messages I sent her.
In short, I
cut her off and stopped letting her take advantage of me. However that may be, I know that most of her
behavior stems from her own sense of entitlement that carries over from home to
work and I just happen to be the handy target and excuse for her to achieve
that end. I suspect that she did the
same things at her last job based on what she would say, which was that no one
there did anything and she did everything.
She was very angry that she was passed over for manager there, but I can
see why that would be.
Nicole and
Natalie are those above mentioned types and between the two they are the most
divisive in the team causing many problems. They are now united in their
approach to continue the status quo. Nicole is the number 1 reason I have to do a
phone schedule now because she flat out refused to carry the phone or do
deliveries when I was working. She not
only would actively avoid it, she would seek me out to drop it in my hand every
chance she got. Nicole is particularly
adept at back biting, lying by omission, manipulations, character
assassinations, playing the victim and petty slights in the form of passive
aggressive digs.
One clear,
recent example of the passive aggressive dig was when she was due to get off at
4 pm and had actually worked the whole shift.
She went to lunch at 3 pm, came back around 3:30 pm. I was trying to complete an order when another
customer with a large order came inside to pay.
I helped Nicole by taking the customers payment and coupons then helped
her finish getting the order scanned and pushed outside. I was late going to lunch at 3:40 pm but at
4:00 pm she set the phone on the cradle, walked past Andrea and Anthony, the
co-manager at the time, as she was leaving and told them “I came back from
lunch to give her plenty of time for hers”. While technically true she left out some of
the most important details while showing that she is not a team player. She usually has this thing of leaving early
when it is just the two of us for whatever reasons and if it causes me to have
no phone coverage for my lunch then that is a bonus for her.
Natalie has
made it clear that she does not want to work on the front end no matter who
asks her too. She states that she wants
to BE in home shop but several have observed that she does not want to WORK in
home shop. She has been trained and
retrained. She has been spoken with by
both managers and myself about her job performance but it is mostly about her
attitude and NOT about her physical limitations. She has had her mother in talking to Jennifer
in the past about something along these lines although I don’t know the
details. If I had to guess, I think that
her mother only has what Natalie says about any given situation to go on and is
unaware of the rest. Not to mention the
implications of have a parent come into a job and complains as if it is school
about a grade that the child has received. Natalie’s mother once told me to
“Work the sh*t out of her.”
I personally
think that this is a JOB has been lost on many and certainly with Natalie
herself. I had also made it clear that I
would be sending her up front every time I worked with her because I needed to
get the job done and since she wasn’t helping to achieve that, it was where she
would be. She has been heard cussing
loudly while on a register about being up front and has gone to both Jennifer
and Christine about me and the situation.
In the second week of October, I’m not sure when, it came to head when I
saw her talking with Christine again about me sending her up front because we
were not busy and she was needed on the front end. I called her out and we both went into a
meeting with Jennifer and Christine.
She
presented herself as a great team player and that I was just being mean when I
am direct. She stated that Nicole told
her that I talked about her behind her back.
The problem with that theory is; I rarely say anything to Nicole or
around her because she uses anything as ammunition in her quest to do harm to
my reputation. The irony is that Nicole
is the most vocal and vicious when it comes to matters such as these and has
been quick to complain about many new hires while making them feel unwelcome
then telling me I need to do something about them. Natalie also stated that Nicole was helping
her be a better shopper and was being so nice to her.
It is
between shops that Natalie waste the most time.
On a busy Sunday she completed 4 shops while another shopper only did
3. That was 16 hours wasted that Jane,
another part timer, and I had to compensate for. Natalie also believes that she is a great
delivery person and has boasted that she has improved our wait time. Unfortunately that is not the case and she is
prone to leave bags or items out of an order and will not scan the bags out when
it is a large order as has been requested and shown to her several times. It has been explained to her on several
occasions that our attainment cannot support a delivery only member and there
are few others to call on to actually shop in times of need.
After
Natalie finished her side I stated clearly and directly again, that my issues with
her was her attitude and for doing the exact opposite of what was asked of
her. I told her that her awareness of
the situation was sorely lacking after all the time she has been in home shop
because the computer clearly shows when we are busy and when we are not. In fact the busier we are the slower she goes
leading me to believe that she get overwhelmed which I understand. I had told her that this is a self-motivated,
self-managed department and I don’t have time to keep after her to do her
job. When we are busy and she is moving
extra slow causing me to miss lunches and to go home late, I get tired of being
left holding the bag while listening to her complain.
I was also
was crystal clear with Natalie in that meeting about Nicole not having friends
but having tools that she uses and that she was being used as a tool. In the meeting I told Natalie we had already
spoken at length about the personal issues with Nicole. I then told her that it was her choice and
that it was a learning experience she has to find out about the hard way.
Over the
years, Nicole, a full time employee, has manipulated most of the managers to
give her the choice schedule or 8 am to 4 pm with every weekend off more often
than not. She claims day care is the
problem and while that is certainly true the reason is not what it is
presented. She infers or implies that
Joe, her youngest son, is special needs, which he is not. He has ADHD at best and is high energy. It is
her eldest daughter Jessica, who is and she is between the ages of 34 – 36. The reason she cannot get anyone to help her
is she has alienated most of her family and friends and has found herself
having to actually deal with the decisions she has made, instead of foisting
the consequences off on others as her normal MO. In addition to constant day care issues she
has plead mental health issues to be able to go home. Nicole likes to play those cards when things
get to hot for her but the reality is she is not mentally unstable in the
context that is presented. On the flip
side when she has the schedule she wants and can do as she pleases her mental
health does wonderfully well. It’s
amazing, really.
Nicole will
go off her medications on a whim or take too much of those medications and
sometimes some that does not belong to her.
She will drink very heavily at times and has just missed being popped on
one of the random drug test that would have revealed her substance abuse
because she just wasn’t called to be tested.
Because of these issues she is unable or unwilling to see the hardship
she causes on the team as a whole and if one of the key members of the team
wants to take some time off that includes a weekend, we do so knowing that it
will create even more of a hardship on the team and managers.
Over the last
2 years I have said little about or to Nicole in the hopes that she would get
bored and just stop but that was not working.
Partly because when she starts to focus her negative attention on
another person, I have redirected it back towards me because I know what I am
dealing with, where they do not. I have
vented to trusted people about the situation so I could deal with it when I had
hit my limit but have done nothing to get her out of the department after the
first initial blowup. The last few months
have been extra stressful for a lot of us and things have reached a breaking
point because she is often over-heard talking negatively about me by managers
and other key people. I had spent time
trying to get those people who over hear Nicole to let it go because it is not
worth it but I have now stopped that as well and will let the chips fall where
they may. I have spoken to the ones who
are being manipulated and told them the truth about her life and lies and since
they have the information to do with as they will, it has made it harder for
Nicole to get her way. That in my
opinion is one cause of this campaign she has escalated over the last few
months.
Nicole has
found a perfect way to get around me telling the truth about her machinations
by using Natalie and her disability to her advantage. It is noticed by several people and it is
Natalie’s choice to be used but it is also my choice to defend myself and my
team against the constant turmoil they create.
Nicole likes to boss others around no matter the department and spends
way too little time watching what she is doing herself. One example is she knocked a gallon of milk
off when doing a delivery one day and called for someone else to come clean up
the mess. No one came and she left it
there for an hour before having to be told by a manager which was Chonte, to go
clean it up herself. It is on video if you would like to see for yourself.
I rarely
bring any of her mistakes, honest or otherwise, to her attention because it is
not worth the backlash that will happen. I simply just correct them and move
on. But Nicole gets complaints and FYI’s
more than any other home shopper next to Natalie. Nicole is sometimes rude to the customers on
the floor and on the phone. Nicole
accepts no responsibility for her actions and will actively deflect it whenever
possible. Natalie’s complaints are from
poor quality of work and bags left behind.
While it has taken 2 years, Nicole finally shops fairly decently if not
as quickly as she is able and she now also handles the phone and deliveries
fairly well after causing all the issues about it before the phone
schedule. That’s about the best we are
going to get from her. Nicole does have
a way with those with special needs and that is a point in her favor.
The last
weekend where Nicole called out on another Saturday, we had a particularly hard
Sunday and I come into work on Monday to see her working to get her hours while
not being on the schedule. That was my
last straw and I sat down with Christine and explained that I am done carrying
the extra weight of this team when she comes and goes as she pleases while no
one can or does anything about it. Nicole
has been working the systems for ages and therefore cannot be documented. For
me these 2 are the main reason we are going to have a home shop meeting that
will inconvenience many who are not on the schedule. Although I am sure
Christine wants to address other issues within the team. I planned on addressing her divisiveness in
front of the whole team and expect an explosion soon after it is over.
Nicole has a
team work mentality when it suits her and only with others that she believes is
on her ‘side’. She has cultivated this
mentality with a few other part times and sets a poor example of work ethics as
well as ethics in general. I think the
team members are tired of being forced to pick a side and Nicole is certainly
pushing for them to do so. The people I
have mentioned in this letter and the other are managers who are witness to her
behaviors and lack of team work when it comes to me. I have left all the other home shoppers out
of this because it is the right thing to do.
Debbie in floral has volunteered to come forward and share what she has
heard.
I close 5 days a week because it is needed as
we are heavily weighted to the morning hours with availability. It also helps
me to know I can get on a sleep schedule.
I have one other reliable part timer, Jane, who also works another full
time job outside of HT as well as working every weekend. Jane deserves a raise for enduring the heavy
loads on the weekend with me. I rarely
call out and when I do it is because something bad has happened or that rare
occasion that I get sick. My goal for
this job has remained the same, which is to get the whole job done so we can
ALL go home.
I am a
naturally sarcastic person and most of us in home shop have big
personalities. I have no issue with big
personalities and enjoy the difference of opinions within the group. If this was about clashing personalities it
would be much easier to deal with but with this division, this is about 2
people who want much at others expense and are willing to say or do anything to
make it happen. They are the ones who
are creating and fostering a hostile work environment whether they are aware of
it or not. I am also quite aware that
not everyone is good or bad and most of us are a mix of the two. I also understand that we are not all cut out
to do every job and with home shop being a highly physical and often time
stressful in the best of times, it is not for everyone.
I have been
frustrated but fairly quiet for the last 2 years with the situation with
Nicole. With the added stress of the
recent times, I have reached a point of being fed up with the unnecessary and
never ending game playing that she seems capable of doing forever. Attracting
new hires seems like a herculean effort at this time so I see no end in sight
to this predicament and have to make decisions based on that. Since school has returned and we are back to
normal in our volume I am also exhausted to the point that I cannot do much on
my days off but the barest of necessities.
Something is going to have to give.
Nicole and I cannot work in the same department any longer so one of us
will have to go and I am okay if it is me.
10/28/21 Message from Nicole:
And then on 10/29/21 she unsent a message.
Well it's a new year 01/01/2022 and it's as good a time as any to make some serious changes at work. I have gone through the proper channels with no results as expected and have now made it known that I will get Nicole out of my department. While I also plan to look for another job over the next few months, until then I'd like to do so in peace at work.
Over the last 2 years, Nicole has demonstrated that she is physically, mentally and emotionally unable to be quiet about me. I have suspected for a while that she has borderline and/or histrionic personality disorder. These 2 are closely intertwined, are difficult to diagnose and treat for a multitude of reasons.
I have decide to micro manage her completely while she is on the company property until a transfer can be obtained and I have been working on that for about 2 months or so. I have been told that it should happen shortly although she has no idea that I have pushed hard for it to happen and thinks it is her idea. She does not like it in the least and while I have not advocated for her to be fired, if she cannot get her mouth under control I will begin doing so shortly. I also understand that she has a compulsion to slander and deflect any and all blame but that it not going to be my problem any longer. She will have to control her mouth on her own or face my decision to have her removed for the job, what ever it takes. In the next week I plan on having a conversation with her in front of 2 managers and making it clear that she will have to control her compulsion to talk about me or face consequences for her actions.
I feel like she is a cancer that has metastasized and take full responsibility for it becoming this bad. I will get her out of my department and try to heal some of the damage she has caused.
