My thoughts on life...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Long Distance Friendships During War

The world of technology has opened many doors for the good, bad and ugly. I want to highlight the good today by writing about some really wonderful people I've had the privilege of corresponding with over the years. People who I've never met in person but have found a connection with over the internet. But these are good people in very bad positions which are a direct cause of our own government. If you are even remotely aware of the conflict that is ever growing in Syria then you might have an idea about the contradictions I'll be writing about. If not then please let me introduce you to a wonderful, beautiful soul that I've been chatting with for about 4 years. Pink Rose was one of my first Facebook friends and has stuck it out with me until this day. She was always encouraging me and understood the pain of losing a child as if she had to endure the heartache herself. For me the depth of empathy she had was an incredibly rare ability and I'll always be thankful for her, her friends and family.

You may be thinking how well do I really know her being on the internet and all. And I must admit it is harder to really know people from behind the computer screen but at some point, maybe even before we became friends, I added her real time, real life best friend to my Facebook friends as well as her dear nephew. Her name is Domi and she is another beautiful sweet soul and his name is Jacob, a handsome bright young man with a lot of natural creative talent. Over the years the two friends bantered back in forth and I can see that they loved each other dearly and had many family get togethers, even in this day and age. What always impressed me in some of their pictures is they all made time for one another and... they were really happy. It's very hard for some of us over here in America to have time, inclination or even the will to scramble through the day, but from what they have explained to me, over in Syria they did enjoy a different way of life. They still and always will love their country AND their President. They are not afraid to say it either but as always the western media is twisting the facts to justify the ever rolling war machine that must be preserved at any and all cost. For me it is just plain horrifying to message my friends and tell them how sorry I am for my part in this nasty display of full on psychopathic greed under the guise of democracy.

The hard part is finding that too many people in my location have wrote off all the fighting in the Middle East as one ongoing event and not understanding that the geography, politics and most importantly the people are very different. I'm not taking anything away from the victims of Palestine because they have suffered for many years and deserve their rights to their land, life and liberty. I'm also not taking anything from those in Libya who recently had their whole way of life yanked out from under their feet... again from US imposed democracy... or any other land that is currently under attack. I understand that it was all a bit hard to keep up with when we were younger, but with technology as abundant it is, it is no longer a viable reason to remain ignorant. I was just plain lucky to have met Pinkrose, Domi and Jacob on the social networking site, at the time that I did. Again when I first started Facebook I played a lot of the different mindless games while trying to deal with the loss of Trey and it was through that activity I found some of the most incredibly open, warm and supportive souls that kept in touch and encouraged me in the most kindest way possible. I don't know about you guys, but that still means something to me and I think it is really important to acknowledge those who have made a difference in our lives. It is for them I want to share some of her messages with those who are willing to listen... After years of light banter between us girls, things started to really change for the worse and this first message was one of distress, quite understandably.

PR: good morning Kristin its 7 45 A m now in syria...i just want to thank u a lot for sharing videos that expose the truth about whats going on in syria...we really need that support from all the world....its breaking my heart how we used to live in peace we used to love each other to do whatever we want...many people think wrong about the middle east..do u know that my daughter is studying in british school where all her subjects re in english..she play tennis swim and most people do the same and maybe more..domi s kids re studying in french school..im telling u that cause i know how much u care about us....we re not riding camels anymore like the west like to say about us........do u know that we can go out alone (women) after midnight we go parties play cards...all that is over now we lost all our safety and all that is because of usa and europe i really dont know what they want from us..why our happiness is bothering them..who told them that we want freedom or democracy....i have the rights as christian here in syria maybe more than any christian in the world....please i want my voice to reach all over the world....and i need my friends help...........wish u the best..and sorry for bothering u in my problems but since 7 monthes im totally sad i cant sleep thinking of all those innocence young men who are dying every day for nothing............hugs and kisses 10/27/11

Me: Please don't apologize! I am here for you in the only way I know how and my heart breaks for you. There are large demonstrations going on here in a LOT of cities. The wealthy elite are trying to destroy everything in their path for control over the world. Some are finally waking up....rather slowly but it is still a start.

We here in america we could only dream of living the life you guys had and that is the big story that is NOT talked about. We have been programmed to believe the lies and some people will not wake up at all. For that I am truly sorry...but I am done being silent. I have felt trapped most of my life and have decided that being a slave to capitalism was not going to happen any longer. I have unplugged from the system as much as possible and refuse to enter again!

I have grown to love a few people in this world and you and family are one of them. I am so sorry for what is happening because we should have been paying more attention and now I am sure things are going to get even harder for us all. God bless you and hugs and much deserved peace.... 10/27/11

Me: The more I read about what is truly going on the more my heart breaks. I know you don't have a lot of time to let me know what's going on in Syria but I saw where Domi has already moved. After reading this article I can understand why and hope you and your family can find a way to stay clear of the dangers of war. If that's even possible because I know you love your home and your president. There is going to be so many changes for us both in this new weird world we are living in and I just want to say be careful my friend. I would love to met you one day... so stay safe! Hugs and hope... 02/10/12

PR: My dearest friend I'm so sad i cant stop crying 2 big explosions this morning in aleppo where i live so many dead people most from our brave army i beg u tell everyone u know America and Europe re paying to the terrorist to kill us maybe one day u ll hear that I'm dead so pray for us we just have god now who we hope he ll save us. Thx sweety for your caring 02/10/12

Me: GOD Bless you my friend and all that have fallen to the greed few. I will always care and feel so helpless... but I am here and will continue to share as much info as I can. I love you... be safe! 02/10/12

PR: Thx dear in spite of everything we sill have hope that one day the world will hear our voices .... love u 02/10/12

Me: Hi my friend. You and your family have been on my mind so much lately and I love the family pictures you posted. How are you? Silly question? It still pains me to know what my country is doing to yours and I hate it with all my heart.

I want to write a piece about you and your family in my blog with your permission, for the few people who may read it and would like to know if I could use a few pictures of yours from FB as well?. I just want the people who know me, to see the truth about what is going on there because it is so important. I feel so helpless and all I have is my words to help open people eyes to the tragedy you have to endure on a daily basis.

Please know you are not forgotten and I dearly love our friendship. There have only been a few people in this world who have touched my heart and you are one as well as Domi. Things are changing here in my own personal world too and I just want to say I love and pray for you. Hugs 05/25/12

PR: My dearest friend Kristin your words touched the very deep of my Heart and made me cry i really apprecate your caring especially in this time when I m feeling so sad and helpless.. U know that one year before we used to live happy live in a lovely and safe country with my great family. i have my own shop where I work .. But now what everything had gone my country had been ruined we can't go out as before and even when we go we re not sure if we re going to be back home or we will being killed or kidnapped .. My lovely brother immigrated with his wife who used to be my best friend.. lately I was obliged to close my shop and i have a loan to the bank so maybe if i dont pay... so soon my house will be taken from me.. A whole life ruined But i still have faith that God will help me and help all the Syrians who lost everything because of dirty game was played by America and Europe ... sorry to tell all that but I'm really so i need to talk to someone... about the pics ... Hun I trust u so so much so feel free as my page is yours .. and I really hope that things get better here and u can come to here to see my adorable county and my lovely family... love and hugs to u. 05/25/12

Me: That is so very sad. It is so wrong for you to lose everything you've worked for on top of just trying to stay alive day to day. I've only had to walk half that road and can't imagine the rest. It is okay for you to be upset and MAD!!! I would be, I AM.

Thank you for letting me share your story with anyone who'll listen. If the truth is repeated often enough... just maybe people will start to see what is truly going on. I am a slow writer but as soon as it is finished I'll send you a link to make sure it is okay with you. I will be doing a little research on Syria and want to make sure I get it right. Things are tightening here in the US as the crackdowns on freedom are increasing, but a few more people seem to be waking up every day.

I may not have too many answers but I am here to listen if you need to vent about anything. I can't tell you things will be alright... but I know you are one strong woman and you will be able to make them right... in time. God Bless you, your family and your country! Hugs..

05/25/12

PR: hi hun...im really so sorry for my last message i was so mad and upset at that time..i was just heard that someone whom i knew was kidnapped and i was so sad for him..dont be worry dear..also things re so bad but i still have a big faith that things will be soon better..syrians love and adore their country ..love make us strong and in spite of everything we re trying to live our life as usual...sometimes in spite of the bombs outside i go out with my daughter im sure that if i would die...i would even if i am at home hiding like chicken..about what u re writing if u need any information i can help and so jacob will..he is a young brave guy who adore his country...by the way i feel selfish that i always tell u about my problem and i never listen to u..please fell free to tell me anything u want..u ll find a real true friend who listen ..share...and help...and again and again im really wanting u to come here to syria someday..all what u need is a ticket and u can live with us and i promise u..u ll enjoy it a lot...love hugs..

05/25/12

PR: hi dear how re u...i just wanted to tell u that things re so so bad here..we re extremely afraid and we even dont know if we re going to stay alive or not..all what i want from u..is that if something happen to me..to tell everyone u know..that im a syrian woman who used to live in a wonderful country..then America AND Europe..came and ruined my adorable Syria...please..pray for us now..or for our souls if we die..and remember always that u re one of the most wonderful women ive ever met..love u a lot..god bless u 07/25/12

I don't know about you, but could you imagine how you'd feel trying to live any sort of life while under threat of kidnappings, bombings, killing of innocent people with the constant fear of losing family members and everything you have ever worked and saved for. Do you think that it can't possibly happen to you? Why must we send more of our kids to kill other people kids for the sake of money, control and power to an already insane inhumane system? So who would you believe? The bought and paid for media or a real human being, living in the middle of this never ending conflict over control. Me personally, I will go with my dear friends words for they carry far more weight than any government official. While a lot of my FB friends are still debating which president to vote for in this coming election or better yet trying to figure out which is the lesser of two evils, I can only hope that they will see they are still voting for evil anyway they look. The truth is our society now values death and destruction more than life and creativity born of freedom. How much longer will you remain silent about the things that are important? You probably don't have all that much time before even freedom of speech is revoked on a technicality... so you might want to hurry up!

Well guys, this is important to me because I see the human being behind the words from one across the world. I have a lot in common with Pinkrose, more than I ever thought possible. I have lost many people very dear to me and more importantly I've had a hard time being heard... but it hasn't stopped me yet. ;) I have stated a few times I have been curious of other cultures and now more than ever because I CAN! Each one of you out there can too if you put aside whatever BS you've gotten from the tube and simply take a little time. The people are real and they MATTER. They have hopes and dreams just like us and they want to live without our interference. The world is still full of wonders if only for a little longer. Don't miss out and please think responsibly. Lives are depending on it!

Classified documents reveal German government is aware Al-CIA-da is responsible for atrocities in Syria, no evidence Syria government involved with the Houla massacre.

Terrorists in Syria Execute Pro Government Families

Tens of Thousands Flee Syria's Largest City

The Syrian Opposition: Who's doing the talking?

NATO preparing vast disinformation campaign against Syria

Syria's Bloody CIA Revolution: A Distraction?

NATO's 'Civil War' Machine Rolls into Syria

Political Hypocrisy: 'America's Syrian friends and Afghan foes are same people'

The US & Syria: Facts you should know

Pretext to Wage War on Syria, Turkey and the Gulf of Tonkin~ Redux

Syria warns NATO conspiring against Damascus

Truth Dies in War Eyewitness version of Houla massacre

9. Away we go.>>>>>

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Practicing Awareness

I have known for a long time that we can only make decisions with whatever information is available at that time. The problems arise when that critical piece of information is withheld, not for self protection but for self advancement. Strategic enclosure is for external and internal considerations and is to be employed when trying to wake up from the illusions that surround us. Like the relationship or endeavors that we have high hopes for verses the dead end that it is. Sometimes when the signs are all around they are misinterpreted or flat out ignored because it is just too unpleasant to think about. I call that willful ignorance and it surrounded me all too often. Before Trey's death it was somewhat easier to deal with but now I find I have even less tolerance for willful ignorance because it translates to I don't care. I've been around far too many people who just don't care and wanted to find more people who do, but never took the time to get out of my comfort zone. The eternal optimist was sure that more people were out there who understood the basics and were working toward the advanced lessons in life, but found out.. that just isn't so.

That is the hard part for me because I have to wait for the honeymoon to be over before I meet the real people. Later when I realize that things in any situation are changing for the worse, it is time to move on... I am still debating as to whether this is a program or not because it implies I am a fair weather friend, when sometimes I realize the relationships have just traveled as far as they can go. I also knew that enabling people to continue on a destructive path was not helping them in the long run and didn't want to stick around and watch the train wrecks that were bound to happen. So, I understand commitment phobia and I understand that people want different things but I didn't understand why they can't be honest with themselves until I realized that very few people can really do it. It is terribly hard to look at ones life with a brutal honesty and understanding of the machinations that lie just beneath the surface. I think they call that seeing the invisible 3rd man or force and now I understand that so much more than I did when I first read the term. The important part is being able to realize your own part in the whole thing buy knowing yourself and owning your beliefs, choices and actions in life.

For me being even semi aware was so frustrating because I didn't have a clue what to do with the information to actually be effective in my decisions and still struggle with this daily. When you are forced to read between the lines even with the ones you care about, you're still going to be wrong from time to time... no matter what action you take. For me that was worse because I was aware of my failings sometimes even while they were happening. There were times I wished I could unsee some of the things I've seen or experienced in life and I had wondered if ignorance wasn't bliss because they do seem so happy. Since I had the gift of friends and family that loved to push hot buttons, I've learned a lot about what really pushes mine. I mean, I do understand that we all have issues and I give people the room to either deal with them or not... because I need room to deal with mine. The problems come when they make their issue my problem without reason, logic or effort on their parts to solve it. I noticed that some people brought out things in me like creativity, competitiveness, anger, sympathy, sadness, guilt or even gentleness and contentment depending on the person and situation. It made me ask myself why was I controlled by my emotions and why did I care so much about things that were happening at any given time?

Little did I know that working to get rid of and at least identify as many of my issues as I could, it helped me see that others weren't willing to put forth the efforts to do the same. Sometimes I still prickle when people use strategic disclosure for self advancement, offer false hope or have undeserved entitlement issues. Lots of people like to keep their options open that make my commitment phobia look tame. So what I would do in an attempt to over come both of those issues, I would take a step forward and then wait. If the other person was serious in their commitment to whatever it is, then they will take the step as well. If not then, there you are... waiting... again. Waiting for other people to do anything is one of my stubborn programs that I still need to work on. I have also grappled with why I want certain things and debate if it is self important to desire them. Things like peace and quiet when needed or to be heard by the ones I love about matters important to me and wanting people to say what they mean and mean what they say.

If anything I simply gave some people too much credit because I couldn't get that closet optimist to shut up for anything... not even with duck tape. The closet optimist in me holds the eternal flame of hope. But I did realize at some point that I was projecting deeper qualities in certain people who were shallow pools with a reflective surface. I think that a lot of us have an eternal flame of hope within ourselves and while that shouldn't be a problem... it often is, when what is hoped for is unobtainable. To me that is the epitome of false hope and for me it is a black hole of nothingness. Also during the eternal debates within myself when I let doubt about what I'm seeing creep in, it kept me from being able to take action that would have helped so much more. Looking back I have a little better understanding of the grip the illusions and the emotions that held me firmly in place. But my semi awareness is still only at a micro level and I'll keep nurturing it while it continues to grow until it's time to go.

It was seeing the manipulations between all types of people on my level that allowed me to understand the phrase "As above, so below," if only a tiny bit at first. In fact, until I heard that phrase and explored the deeper meaning of it, I had hit the wall so to speak, when it came to understanding the whole point of existence and if we are all connected then why are some so tuned out? Maybe we're all puppets in this little drama we call life. If the same things that happen on a micro level also happen on a macro level... which makes sense to me because it describes projections of cycles within cycles within cycles... then the same manipulations must be going on in the universe above... to a point at least but if I had to guess I'd say it would be a much greater level. In fact it was studying this type of material that finally answered... why. Not all of it mind you because of my own limitations but enough to satisfy some of that eternal question to give me a little peace and even hope. All there is, is lessons and we must learn them through and through. Ask questions, do experiments and be prepared in everything you do.

Again this journey isn't about being right and I have been wrong on many things in my life. I did say it has been an exercise in trial and error... repeat. It's about understanding the many variables in any situation, the degrees in between wrong and right, intent, timing, action and the ability to balance between the two worlds... for starters. Most of my life, I have rejected other peoples expectations in favor of living up to my own which was simply to be a better person than I was the day before. Also I've never really considered myself lucky in any part of my life, but again I may have been wrong about that too. There have been things I have done correctly but I am not sure that counts if it's done unknowingly... so that leans more toward luck. I guess it depends on the rules of the universe... are we playing by APA rules in pool where slop counts or are we playing bar rules where we must call each shot?

Most of the things that people sweep under the rug, I had a tendency to file it away along with everything else, in a small cabinet in my mind. Over the years that cabinet grew into a closet and then finally into a file room. I filed things by the yes, no, maybe and "what the hell do I do with that !?!" categories under the major tabs of life but wasn't married to that final placement because I figured out that as new things are uncovered, it could change everything. It also helped to be skeptical about many things but I have always hesitated to put limits on the universe and when I did it showed me how wrong I was. I'm sure I did enough of that by my own limitations but it wasn't my intention. Anticipation itself is a form of limitation because it discounts all that could be and it is the one of the hardest things to let go of... in my opinion.

I think the idea's I embraced earlier on in life such as understanding that nothing is free in this world, which caused me to not be swayed by offers of such, saved me a whole lot of trouble. Although not impossible it is tough to con someone who isn't interested in whatever it is they're selling, especially if I can provide it myself and if not... then I'll gladly pay for the service. I learned that pro action was better than reaction in most cases and tried to live with a purpose in life by setting goals for myself. I still have knee jerk reactions from time to time or I provoke them and need to work on those too. But there was a problem with focusing on pro action too much because when I'd get a plan together and start to gather the info and the materials to complete whatever it was, it was harder to pay attention to outside factors. The more I completed, the more steam I felt like I was gathering to finish the projects... then if something happened... and something almost always happens... I'd get blindsided, then would have to pick myself up off the floor. I learned from many of those experiences that you must sit with the pain and embrace it as it comes to be able to release it when the time comes.

Also understanding death is a part of this world whether we like it or not helped me get a handle on some of my fears in life. Now that my worst fear has been realized, most of the rest seem so small and quite useless at this time in my life. But as I write these jumbled thoughts I realize that's not completely true. I still fear for humanity even though I am pulling for it to wake up to it's full potential. I had inadvertently given way too much of my power over the years to dark side when I became silent about things that really mattered most or believed in lies and this is why I share my story with you. Or maybe the better term would be lazy because I can't say I spent a lot of time researching much on spiritual matters... but I had thoughts on them which are useless without actions based on facts. Being custom or original in a one size fits all world is a difficult but rewarding way of life in and of itself. To me now life is the true religion and earth is our school.

I've been thinking about the mind, body and soul connections more lately. In my minds eye I can see our bodies were meant to be like generators, the soul is like the gas and once the mind is fired up like an engine, the three combined have the ability to generate electricity to power... anything. But the rulers of this world have restricted the generators and now it seems that our bodies are more like cars. Again the soul is the gas, the mind the engine but the abilities are limited in just going forward, backwards, right or left. Useful in their own right but oh so limited in the long run. Most everyone is limited in one way or another and the world is becoming more like a prison everyday. Paying attention to the real world as it truly is... is the most important thing you can do in overcoming your limitations. I try to understand and work around, over and under my limitations but sometimes you just have to go through them. And those are just the ones I know about... the ones I don't know of or understand are next on the list because I truly want to break free of the restrictions of this world... before moving on to the next one.

Quote by Gurdjieff,

“We must strive for freedom if we strive for self-knowledge. The task of self-knowledge and of further self-development is of such importance and seriousness, it demands such intensity of effort, that to attempt it any old way and amongst other things is impossible. The person who undertakes this task must put it first in his life, which is not so long that he can afford to squander it on trifles.”

Quotes from The Adventures with Cassiopaea,

We began to realize, slowly at first, that a person could have psychological issues, and still be oriented to service to others. They could also be oriented to serving self. By the same token, a person could appear to have no disabling psychological issues at all, and be completely oriented to serving the self. We began to learn that closing our ears to the words that other people use to beguile us, and observing only the actions was the key to discernment. LKJ

These terms, "Service to Others" and "Service to Self" are inextricably mixed up with the idea of "love." On an individual basis, we may say that we Love this or that person, and want to Serve them, but then the question arises: WHICH PART OF THEM are we serving? The higher part that seeks spiritual growth and Union with God, or the Lower part that seeks survival in the Flesh? When we help someone who keeps making the same mistakes over and over again, we are clearly interfering in their lessons. What, then, are we serving? Most likely ourselves because we are then able to "feel good" that we are so "long suffering" and "patient" and "self-sacrificing," because we can certainly see, from the evidence of our eyes, that the other person isn't making any progress by virtue of our efforts. And, it may be a far more difficult thing to deny assistance, to refuse association with them, particularly when it is someone we love, because it "hurts us to see them hurt." Yet, that may be the very thing needed in order for them to grow - to be left to their own suffering until they have had enough so that they will begin to see their own way out of the difficulty, thereby building soul strength and accessing their own powers and inner potentials. LJK

8. Long Distance Friendships During War. >>>>>

Monday, May 21, 2012

Suppression Equals Depression.

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer,
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9. Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!

Ever wonder why so many people are depressed? I have experienced a low level depression most of my life and even tried a generic script for one of those many medicines offered, can't remember which one now but I was sick to my stomach for 7 days and then... that was enough of that. My body told me very clearly that it wasn't having it. But at least I knew some of why I was feeling the way I did. I wasn't happy with myself, my life, my family, friends or the world on any particular day. Most of you can relate to the endless frustrations that mount up... and sometimes that simmering anger has no where to go. And no matter how hard we work or what we do, it just never seems enough to keep the lights burning sometimes. Just surviving is a depressing way to live. I think the better question is why aren't more people depressed about the state of their lives than has been reported?

It's gotten harder to find ones place in this life much less a career that we are good at AND makes us content at the same time. As we grow older our choices should have expanded somewhat but I found that they are shrinking in this day and age, whether we are aware of it or not. And still I am one of the lucky ones because so many out there have so little to make it through the day, much less a week. But as I've gone through life thinking it could be worse, it actually was in the end... at least for me. I put off happiness and made do with what I had just like so many others today, too busy to see how fast their life was flying by and everything becoming a blur. Societies standards for beauty and behavior have corrupted our senses into believing we must conform to be accepted. Business life has invaded our every moment and the demands never decrease. Our own misguided idea's of what is right or perfect for us seems to conflict with what is expected of us. Sometimes we spend too much time waiting for something to happen instead of going out and making it happen. We have submitted to the daily grind knowing full well that we'll be ground down ever so slowly, even while denying it but progressing nonetheless.

I know some of the reasons of depression because I have lived too many of them myself. You are probably exhausted to the bone, full of useless information that we all accumulate like sponges. You may even be trapped in a relationship with someone who simply may not be the right one for you or is a full on psychopath in which their job is to drain you of any and everything possible. You may have a job that is beyond soul killing. Least you have one... right? You may find that the people you care for the most are the ones that disappoint you the fastest and leave you high and dry. You may have an obligation to take care of another like an aging parent or a special needs child who will be with you until the end. Some of you are just moms or dads staying home to care for your kids and have little time for adult conversations much less any of the extras that are never ending in their own right. Then the guilt we feel as a result of just trying to find a piece of ourselves is usually quick and suffocates much of the experience. We don't stop worrying about our kids just because they are grown and more often we worry about so many others that are either gone such as military families or whether they will get hurt doing a job locally. Some of you are dealing with addictions whether it's yours or another persons and the stigmas involved. Many of you have lost ones you love too soon and some like me have had to endure the unimaginable by losing one of our own kids in one form or fashion. Sometimes it all seems pointless to even get out of the bed depending on what you are struggling with but like many of you, I didn't have a choice in the matter either.

During these everyday trials we stuff a little bit more of ourselves in a box for later but sometimes later never really comes. Most of us with a conscience have felt that we were meant for something more in this life without ever putting our finger on just what that was supposed to be. I think maybe our soul knows this and if we don't acknowledge it then it lets us know in what ever means it has available. I know my depression started when I was young over how unnecessarily difficult every thing seemed to be and when I got older it was not being able to engage with the world as passionately as I had done in my youth. I let too much of myself get put into that box and before I really knew what was happening... is was all gone. For the ones who have turned to a church for a way to plug the hole that seems to get deeper by the day, you may find some solace within the bible but very few answers that hold real meaning in today's world. Most of the people sitting with you are in the same position and are there for the many of the same reasons and while you may meet some really wonderful people, your soul still has not found what it is looking for or what it needs to complete this journey. So very many of you are going to a therapist or worse a script happy doctor with a pocket full of free samples just so you can get a handle on the mountain of responsibilities you face or maybe the fact that you can't meet them.

I am not saying that therapist and clergy are all bad, even though I am am not a fan of religion as I've posted before. I do also understand that the chemical imbalances in the brain are thought to be the problem but still think there are reasons for the imbalances that are usually left unaddressed. Don't doctors practice medicine? Now too many are merely drug dealers. Most people are having a hard time being honest with themselves about so very many things, so how will they ever get to the root of the problems whether it be emotional or physically related? Honestly is severely lacking in our society and I also think the more we deny the truth about ourselves and the world, the more depressed we can become which lead to entropy. And more importantly it can cause you to miss things that could save your life... or the lives of the ones you love. Apparently things like environment, stress and diet have a tremendous effect on our bodies, mind and moods. Emotions have another large part in our lives and sometimes seem to rule over us like a tidal wave. The programs we have running through our minds 24/7 causes us to do things that make us miserable that in turn causes the emotions to ride the roller coaster. Each time we deny the real problems in life we put a piece of ourselves in the box. And the more of yourself that you put into that box the less you'll have to work with when you come to life's cross roads or even everyday decisions. It will be easier to miss those all important signs that indicate where you should be going. Missed opportunities means more depression and the cycles goes on and on... until you take control of your life and your health. It will not be easy and there is no magic anything that will bring joy to your life. I'm sure you'd have heard about it by now if there was such a thing.

Working through life's problems is tough and looking, seeing, understanding and applying effort to one's self is a monumental task. Not everyone will be up to it and if you are be prepared to lose friends or family when you start on the journey to get out of the deep depressive state. Everybody's got opinions but few people have the facts. That's up to you to research because each case is different and needs different approaches. If we as souls came to this earth, we came looking to feel the sensations and emotions of everything life had to offer, yet we spend a lot of time trying to forget the things we don't like. To me that sort of defeats the purpose of being here, which is to learn by feeling, thinking and doing... then repeat as necessary. But don't be surprised if you still go through a bout of depression from time to time, while you are still trying to resolve issues within yourself, because for some it seems to be or can be a stepping stone to deeper understanding of the meanings of life. Well to the people who are sincerely searching for something more anyway. I know that sounds odd but to me it also makes sense. It took me a long time to realize that a lot of people I knew were all to happy to live the illusion as if it were a fun ride at the carnival without a thought of anything deeper. I learned that I had been looking for people who were aware of the underlying realities that we all live with and they were few and far between. For me not being able to connect and express myself with people who truly understand was and sometimes still is depressing. Not being able to express my creativity and pursue the things that interested me was also suppressing to my soul.

I have denied myself the things that I needed the most and did it to keep the peace within the circles I was in. I found that once you start down that road it is harder to change course the further you travel down it. I sacrificed for the wrong people and it was evident long before Trey died. I must point out the obvious but assholes don't seem to have a problem expressing themselves or taking what they want, when they want it. So it must be said that...

This is truly important and must be dealt with first before moving on the journey to freedom from depression. There is hope and if you are willing to work on you and your life you will find a way. Considering I've had so few issues with health problems after my youth I am relatively lucky. As a child I had strep throat and later after Trey was born right before the break up of my marriage I had the shingles at 19 years old... and found my first gray hair at 22. Later again around the age of 32ish I had the weirdest thing happen when I was washing dishes. It felt like a drain plug had been popped in my feet, where the energy just drained out of me, which caused a slight dizziness. I had to sit, then lay down on the floor where, I suddenly got extremely hot and then finally start to sweat, which then let me cool down. Although I've never had high blood pressure, in fact it falls on the low side, I'm not sure what the slight roaring in my ears were either. It was over in less than 10 minutes but I still felt weak when I got up for a bit. That happened one more time about a year or so later and then... that was that. Never happened again and I've been trying to research if that was a panic attack or what. Other than constant sinus trouble my biggest problems by far were my teeth which I've talked about before. Not matter how much time, effort and money I poured into my mouth, it wasn't enough to save them and they started to fall out piece by piece. I know drinking soda's didn't help, nor the junk food I ate, but the more I have been reading the more I'm understanding the connections to all the unresolved issues probably had an even bigger impact on the health of my teeth.

Sick and tired of being sick, tired and stressed out to the breaking point? Then this article written by Gabriela Segura MD will help you tremendously and naturally.

http://www.sott.net/article/261360-Mass-nervous-breakdown-Millions-of-Americans-on-the-brink-as-stress-pandemic-ravages-society

7. Practicing Awareness >>>>>

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sex, drugs and smoking.

What do all these things have in common? They all seems to be hotly debated among many, inside and outside of politics. Birth control has come under threat... again so we'll continue providing fresh warm bodies for war and possibly worse. Prescription drugs are killing more people than they help and smoking a plain old tobacco cigarette is being blamed for many of the world ills. Really? Read these articles again. I thought we were trying to go forward but the tug of war goes on and on. I'll admit when I was young, smoke stunk to high heaven but as I got older it became cool. Then it was a way to calm my nerves and finally... I just like to smoke. Recently I found out about a chemical free cigarette other than the roll your owns and the difference is night and day. It almost reminds me of the stuff the old timers smoked and the flavored tobacco smells so divine. I've had several conversations with non smokers and understand their concerns, especially about the smell. They have a right to avoid smoke and I respect that. There are solutions to this problem that are very effective but again it all boils down to cost and control. I even had a little conversation with a newer internet acquaintance and when the conversation was over, they promptly deleted me.

The conversation started over a link to a video I posted called Smoking Bans: Killing our job, our health and our freedoms. I try hard not to debate people with deep rooted beliefs because it is the proverbial brick wall I keep talking about, but this one had made several comments on a few other posts about vegans verses meat eaters that let me know they didn't approve of that comparison either, right after they stated, "Yeah. I'm in the 'everything in moderation' camp."

Them: I can't watch this on my Nook, but smoking bans are killing our HEALTH?

Me: Yes they are saying that the quit smoking drugs are way worse than smoking itself. And to be honest the gov does NOT really care about our health and the banning of smoking is another control factor.

Them: Then they're not destroying OUR health. They might be affecting the health of those people who CHOOSE to quit a horrible, unhealthy habit by using the drugs.

Me: The problem is the med's to quit have a side effect that either makes them suicidal which does not effect non smokers BUT if they become homicidal then I'd say yes they can destroy lives quite easily. It is so easy to go after the smokers than the big business polluters that cause more damage than all the smokers combined.

Them: Then get the drugs taken off the market. Or make the side effects so well-known that people avoid them. Or do more to teach kids how truly AWFUL smoking is so fewer of them start and quitting drugs won't have a market. Smoking BANS are not the issue. As a non-smoker who was so tired of breathing in someone else's disgusting, unhealthy habit and stinking of it after being in a public place, I'm SO grateful for them. I wish there were more of them.

Me: First I understand where you are coming from but I am a smoker. A considerate one at that and think big pharma is not going to pull any medication from the market... even it it kills thousands. As much as I agree with kids not smoking, I found it doesn't matter so much what we think... they will do what they want when they can. I think making so many things available but forbidden makes them so much harder to resist... no matter what age you are. Bans ARE the issue because it should be settled with the individual business and IF they gave smokers a properly ventilated place to smoke then it would be a non issue all the way around. If you start advocating the use of banning things you don't like or agree with then I wouldn't be surprised when the things you use starts to get banned eventually. Remember it is about dividing the masses and having them turn on one another... so we will not be paying attention to what the PTB are doing.

Them: We're going to have to agree to disagree.

Me: I can live with that. :)

Delete. The end. So much for tolerance. I do wish them well and only use this as an example of the mindset. But honestly to their last response I wanted to write... I don't particularly like intolerance and ignorance but I am not out there pushing for a ban on those... the world then might be a pretty empty place. But I refrained and tried my best to use the little information I had retained to explain another view point. I'm sure there are more well meaning but misinformed people out there that are married to their beliefs. Be careful because it could cost you, your life. As always I am not advocating you to smoke... just let me smoke in peace. I really don't understand all these folks who want to live forever or at least a very long time. To do so you have to give up many things that may be considered unhealthy... but for me quality is more important than quantity of life... and I've felt that way for a very long time. But as it turns out, if smoking helps more than it harms then the jokes on me... again. The following referers to Authoritative Followers who believe in what they hear and not what the see but illustrates the point so well.

From the book "When Prophecy Fails." Festinger observed:

A man with a conviction is a hard man to change. Tell him you disagree and he turns away. Show him facts or figures and he questions your sources. Appeal to logic and he fails to see your point.

We have all experienced the futility of trying to change a strong conviction, especially if the convinced person has some investment in his belief. We are familiar with the variety of ingenious defenses with which people protect their convictions, managing to keep them unscathed through the most devastating attacks.

But man's resourcefulness goes beyond simply protecting a belief. Suppose an individual believes something with his whole heart; suppose further that he has a commitment to this belief, that he has taken irrevocable actions because of it; finally, suppose that he is presented with evidence, unequivocal and undeniable evidence, that his belief is wrong: what will happen? The individual will frequently emerge, not only unshaken, but even more convinced of the truth of his beliefs than ever before. Indeed, he may even show a new fervor about convincing and converting other people to his view.

It seems that part of the problem has to do with ego and the need to be "right." People with a high "need to be right" or "perfect" seem to be unable to acknowledge that they have been conned. "There is no crime in the cynical American calendar more humiliating than to be a sucker." People will go along with and support a psychopath, in the face of evidence that they have and ARE being conned, because their own ego structure depends on being right, and to admit an error of judgment would destroy their carefully constructed image of themselves.

Even more amazing is the fact that when psychopaths do get exposed by someone who is not afraid to admit that they have been conned, the psychopath is a master at painting their victims as the "real culprits." Hare cites a case of the third wife of a forty year old high school teacher:

Drug companies want us to use their scripts to quit smoking and now it seem like they'd rather sell us prenatal vitamins than birth control. Why are the republicans, religious right and the drug companies so interested in what we as women do with our bodies? Have we already gone too far? This author of Thoughts of the Feminist Movement: Why I don't clap along, writes so eloquently and echo's how I feel about the ideas society sells us as being free. Here is a chart that shows who has made the most comments on women's issues, and will you be surprised at the results? I have and will always advocate for choice when it comes to issues like abortion, adoption, orientation, birth control and any other decision that involves a commitment. Why? I think it's being responsible that counts the most when weighing all the available facts around you... even if it's a little late... better late than never. Mistakes happen and I live in the real world were sex is pushed in every direction and some men are not fathers in any reality. People are different, situations are different, available options are different and most importantly... if you don't have a support system that can help you then it will have an effect on the decisions you have to make. It's easy for others to judge you without ever walking a mile in your shoes but do not let that detract you from doing what's right for you and those you care for... whatever that choice may be. And these doctors who feel as if they can play God have absolutely no clue either, so I can't waste any more time on them. Also if you're aware of the amount of pharmaceuticals that are routinely flushed into the toilets and the fluoridation already present in our drinking water, just how can any doctor tell us what is wrong with us, much less how to fix it? I guess we should be thankful that our water is a bit cleaner than other parts of the world.

So with all of this, how can anyone still think the people who really run this world... care about the rest of us in any form what so ever? Why do so many still continue to follow bad advice with out doing any serious research on whatever problem they have? And most importantly have folks given up on working together to solve a problem instead of just banning things that don't suit them? Why does everyone want to be different but they can't live with the differences themselves? I guess it is easier than taking on issues like the corruption of our food, schools, wall street, war in the middle east or the one right here at home. You know the one... the war for our every freedom and rights as a human being. The more things are banned the more products for the black markets to flourish. Prohibition didn't work then and it will not work now. As for the women out there I guess our last option is to stop having relations completely until there are some serious changes brought about... especially if you can't have a smoke afterward ;)

But I just may be preaching to the choir so to speak because most of the people who have traveled this journey with me so far are the ones who are not afraid to think about things objectively. Each positive message I've received has been the motivation to continue and I just want to thank you for hanging out with me for a bit. If anyone has any question or comments please send me an email and know I welcome your input, experiences or recommendations.

6. Suppression Equals Depression >>>>>

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Celebrating Spring

Friday, April 6, 2012

When will we ever learn?

Evidence of Revision 6 : The Assassination of MLK

Scientology, the CIA, and MIVILUDES: Cults of Abuse

Please order and watch these documentaries when you have some time. They are between 1 and a half and two hours long each. Even if you are not a history buff, there is still some very important information in these videos and I highly recommend them. Also read this article on Jonestown, this article about slavery then and now, this series about pop culture and then this piece on more current mind melding events to bring you up to speed on where this post will go. Yes, I know that's a lot of reading and it feels a little like homework but it really pulls together the music and movie theme I have threaded through out this blog to show which programs that may be running through my head. If you read every article and I hope you do it will probably take a week or two depending on your available time. Much appreciation for the writers and the creators of these videos and articles. Also much appreciation to all the people at SOTT that make available the many resources I have linked to. What does this all have to do with you? Seems like we have all been programmed into believing we are in control of our own life but the opposite is actually true. There is a war for your mind, soul and suffering going on and it has been going on for a long time. The lies have been told and believed by so many that I'm not sure if they will ever see or hear anything different.

Being a southerner has been a source of great pride among many for generations. Sweet tea, peach cobbler with Sunday dinner after church was the norm through out many homes way back when. On the surface great gentility was one of the charms that held an allure for me but as days went by it became more of a redneck hillbilly culture that is still celebrated to this day. The rebel flag is still waved often in some parts of the south. As I wrote in People are different for a reason, I have always wondered why it is so easy to judge another... based on their skin color but after watching the opening scenes in Evidence of Revision about Dr. Martin Luther King, I am vividly reminded about how easy is was for a person of color to lose their life at the whim of someone who has nothing but hatred in their heart... based on a color. Sound ridiculous, but that hate has been passed down from many generations and is something that may be just one of those old programs that need to be retired. I wonder if people would change their beliefs if they knew that they had to come back as the very people, person, culture, or sex you hate. If that's even remotely possible then there will be some very unhappy people coming back again and again until they get it right.

When we were learning about the Civil War in middle school, I remember my teacher glossing over slavery and stated simply that it was unfortunate time. Yeah, I bet it was... especially if you were black. It struck me as so very wrong on so many levels that any one human would use another human as property for the sake of making a profit and then turn around and deny the same people the right to their own life after they were declared free. It was a sad thought of human history that one human has to fight tooth and nail just to become free. Who thought of this way of life and better yet, who is still perpetuating this very mind set today? Not just with people of color but with any person who is different on the outside and who does not conform to what the masses are doing? If human kind is supposed to be at the top of the food chain then why are we hell bent of consuming ourselves? What does that say about us? Would it surprise you to know we are not at the top of the food chain? Would it change your mind in how you look at others when you understand that their suffering was intentionally inflected on them and you, just so that others could profit? Psychopathy seems to be the root of most of societies problems because it effects any and everything it touches. It divides humans and causes each of us to lose sight of what it means to be a human being.

On another note looking back at the hippie generation which I stated at the beginning of this series was one of my great loves. On the outside the anti war, protesting drug users looked like people who were more in tuned with my line of thinking but after looking at another view point I can see how wrong I was... again. Seems like the great pretenders have been plucking about for longer than even radio and TV but they used those avenues as a way of subverting a real uprising of protesters to the war. If you do any google web search on the corrupted music industry then you'll find a vast array of material about the use of subliminal messages that may have been inserted in or consisted entirely of many of the classics. And I must say this, I know I am old and most people past a certain age lock into a music genre and then consider most of the new stuff that comes out as terrible. I am no exception to this rule. It seems like the music industry has collapsed under the greed of making a profit and no longer care to produce anything with soul... except for maybe Adele. But I doubt it changed so much as to stop entering into our subconscious with ease. Why would they stop? It was wildly successful before and there is no need to change what works. Until young artist stop paying the price of admission which is their soul to enter the business then they will have no passion behind their voice.

If the PTB that operate behind the mask of the multitude of alphabet agencies can orchestrate all that the videos and articles imply, then we must rethink many of the events in history as well. For you who may be a non believer of this and think I am just another raving lunatic believing in conspiracy theories, then you'd be incorrect. I am interested in facts not just the hype or propaganda that passes for truth now a days so please don't send the men with white coats... just yet. One example of my programming that I had was I believed in the death penalty. As you may know there are some people who perpetuate the most horrible of crimes and it has been touted as a means to deter people from doing them and I agreed with that logic. Until I started to read about how many people the states executed that were proved innocent after the fact, usually through DNA. Add that fact to the death penalty is not applied uniformly or even fairly in some cases and let's be honest... we execute more black men than any other in almost every state. Despite all this, it is not a deterrent to crime and the evidence is clear. I understand that our justice system was founded with the philosophy of innocent until proven guilty and all... but is that really what you see? Do you believe the local news of how most of crimes committed now a days are only from people of color? Me personally I think a lot of the misdemeanor crimes are being committed by the desperate people who have been marginalized from the onset. It seems to me like congress just adds reams of paperwork that turn into more laws just so they can find more reasons to throw more people in jail. If you happen to be white you might want to pay more attention to how the brothers and sisters are being treated because it will be your future if you stand by and do nothing. I understand that you may have anger about the situations in the world but until you see who is the real criminals of the world, then you will be able to do nothing to stop it and may just be hindering the ones who do. At the very least rethink everything you think you know about the system and then watch this 2 hour long doc called The Net, The Unabomber, LSD and The Internet., for another perspective on the same old game that is being played.

If you haven't noticed there is more wars going on now and with that it seems rational to think that there will be another movement that will be taken over and divided or flat our created by the PTB just as the hippies were used to control the opposition. What that form will ultimately be is anyone guess, but you can probably bet they will be doing whatever it takes to divert your attention. Which brings me to another dark aspect of the control system we live under. As if I haven't given you enough to read and watch there is more that needs to be addressed and it too is a long, but well worthy read by Dave McGowen. It ties in to the Laurel Canyon series however briefly and explains just how little the PTB care about human life. It also is the new version of slavery where no child is safe from it's clutches. You may ask me how do I know if any of this could possible be true? Well, there are a few things... and the first one happened when I was 9 years old and I heard a sound bite of this girls murder on the news. Amanda Ray was 10 at the time she died. Only 2 years later another news story reported another girls death named Neely Smith and her body was found near the county line some where near where we lived. Hearing this news as a kid caused me to dream that I saw her skull in the woods behind our house... and even though that event did not take place... I would dream about the whole series of events for quite a long time afterward. Reading the events now is chilling enough but even then I knew there were serious dangers to even children. Later, living in the group home all those years ago, led me to meet many kids, my age that were abused one way or another from family, friends and strangers. It is one thing to read stories but to hear them in person and see the effects it has on their life, is different all together. I have been very lucky not to have had to endure that as so many children have. But it hasn't closed my eyes to the fact that things like this do happen. Even social networking sites like Facebook are a breeding ground for vile activities. And if you are curious about what the child protective services and Family Courts do then read this!

Also, shortly before I got pregnant with Trey we all lived behind one of the oldest strip bars in the city... I think and we would walk the short distance to the store for smokes. In doing so we met a variety of prostitutes along the way and one of them was only 12 years old at the time. What broke my heart was she seemed so tough on the outside but living on the streets was no place for a 12 year old. I was in no position to help then being 17, broke and living with a bunch of people but I never forgot about her. The ugliness is real and happens in the present day. In case you need any more proof that it could happen any where... then for all my locals please read this short article on Henry Wallace and remember I was in and around this small 5 mile area at the beginning of his run. I was working in the bar and in and out of many of the places where the victims were. I could have met them at any time and I wondered why there wasn't much more info made public about this. The problems of this world have been ignored for too long and as a result they have grown to epic proportions. I am just as much as fault as any of you and now I realize it's time to educate ourselves about the darkness of this world. If we don't, I feel sure that the PTB will continue to rewrite history, suppress the masses by fear and terror all the while having us sing some mindless pop song as we continue down the path to our own destruction. If you are afraid now, then this can only get worse, but if we collectively overcome our fear and our ignorance of psychopathy then we have a chance against the disease that is threatening humanity as a whole. Let Your Life Be a Friction to Stop the Machine.

The moral to this story is that the big wigs of religion are rubbing elbows with the big wigs of the mafia who rub elbows with the big wigs of the entertainment world, who also rub elbows with the big wigs of the political world, who rub more elbows with the big wigs in the bankers world, who then rubs elbows with the big wigs in the medical, scientific and technology world, who rub elbows with the big wigs in the military industrial complex world who also rub elbows with the big wigs of religion. Talk about cozy... but it is a small world after all.

Civil Case King Family versus Jowers

5. Sex, drugs and smoking. >>>>>