Most of the time this would be a happy celebration of a young persons passage to adulthood and it is acceptable to drink in public at this time. God bless my sons heart, because he didn't wait until then to try drinking and smoking pot. I personally would have preferred him to just smoke rather than drink. I have been around alcoholics and I have smoked pot for over 20 years. Alcoholics are volatile meaning you never really know what might come out at any time. Pot smokers are general peace seeking people looking to relieve some stress or help with an ailment and yes there are always exceptions to the observations. As a parent I walked a fine line for a long time between hiding it from him when he was young without lying about it directly but there comes a time in each of our lives when we have to make a decision. I had always tried to tell Trey the truth when he asked pointed direct questions. I knew that if he wasn't ready for the info he wouldn't have asked. When he asked IF he could smoke pot...I was touched he actually asked...I replied...I don't know can you? He proceeded to pull out a pipe, pack a bowl, take a hit and then pass it to me. I guess that answered that question and how! If you think I am a bad parent or just one that made a bad decision, consider this... smoking a bowl with my son opened up line of communication that went deeper than ever before.
He talked about his friends openly and as honestly as he could at that age which was almost 17. He talked about what they were doing when no adult was around and it was typical teenager stuff. Yes they will try almost anything and I found when my mother forbid something, it would make me want to do it more than ever. He talked about how he felt about me, his dad, both sets of grandparents and what he wanted to do. He changed his mind almost daily about what that was and I wanted him to find something that he loved doing. Remembering back to his younger days when he talked non stop about nothing we would joke that as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning he would open his mouth too ;) But that talk was by far the closest I had felt to him in a while. And that was my fault because I put a job and trying to have a relationship over him when I shouldn't have. Trey lived with my mom because she decided that she could raise him better than I could. At 19 I was just finding my way and although I was brave enough to take on the world...my mother was a whole other story. I had 2 choices at that time...make peace or make war. I wanted to make war and get my child back, but my mother had more money and time than I did to fight. So I made peace with it. At the time I thought I was doing what was best for Trey, but looking back... maybe I am not so sure. Every parent has to pick their battles sometimes even with their own parents.
I hope you understand that I am not advocating that you or teenagers should smoke pot. I think it is a personal choice and I have done some research on it. I saw a bumper sticker that said it all...God made weed, man made beer...In God we Trust. The biggest reasons it is illegal is because the drug companies want you to buy their less effective drugs, the paper industry wants you to keep depleting the rain forest instead of growing hemp to make it and many other useful things. The government needs it to subsidize it's illegal activities and most importantly they need it so they can throw more of us in the privatized prison so they can make even more money. Pot is not longer the gateway to other harder drugs...your medicine cabinet is. The other teenage driver of the car that killed my son was reportedly under the influence of a pill or 3. Who really knows? I made a personal choice and would do it again if I had the chance. I was not trying to be his friend, I was trying to be the most open and as honest as I could because I knew he would have to make his own choices and I wanted him to have real information that he could trust. In the darkest hour of grief after losing him I kept asking myself did my decision put him on the path that lead to his death? I guess I will not know the answer while I am on this earth, but when I look into the eyes of many other parents who have lost a child...I see many different people from all walks of life who's kids were as varied as their parents. Guilt consumes us all for a while...even the ones that did everything right.
So for my beautiful baby boy I'd like to say thank you for all you've taught me in the short time you were here. Please forgive me for all my mistakes and know that I heard you, believed in you and love you...always. The memories I have I will always treasure and you will always be #1 to me. Happy 21st birthday bud...one less day before we see each other again...until then...puff, puff, pass.
He talked about his friends openly and as honestly as he could at that age which was almost 17. He talked about what they were doing when no adult was around and it was typical teenager stuff. Yes they will try almost anything and I found when my mother forbid something, it would make me want to do it more than ever. He talked about how he felt about me, his dad, both sets of grandparents and what he wanted to do. He changed his mind almost daily about what that was and I wanted him to find something that he loved doing. Remembering back to his younger days when he talked non stop about nothing we would joke that as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning he would open his mouth too ;) But that talk was by far the closest I had felt to him in a while. And that was my fault because I put a job and trying to have a relationship over him when I shouldn't have. Trey lived with my mom because she decided that she could raise him better than I could. At 19 I was just finding my way and although I was brave enough to take on the world...my mother was a whole other story. I had 2 choices at that time...make peace or make war. I wanted to make war and get my child back, but my mother had more money and time than I did to fight. So I made peace with it. At the time I thought I was doing what was best for Trey, but looking back... maybe I am not so sure. Every parent has to pick their battles sometimes even with their own parents.
I hope you understand that I am not advocating that you or teenagers should smoke pot. I think it is a personal choice and I have done some research on it. I saw a bumper sticker that said it all...God made weed, man made beer...In God we Trust. The biggest reasons it is illegal is because the drug companies want you to buy their less effective drugs, the paper industry wants you to keep depleting the rain forest instead of growing hemp to make it and many other useful things. The government needs it to subsidize it's illegal activities and most importantly they need it so they can throw more of us in the privatized prison so they can make even more money. Pot is not longer the gateway to other harder drugs...your medicine cabinet is. The other teenage driver of the car that killed my son was reportedly under the influence of a pill or 3. Who really knows? I made a personal choice and would do it again if I had the chance. I was not trying to be his friend, I was trying to be the most open and as honest as I could because I knew he would have to make his own choices and I wanted him to have real information that he could trust. In the darkest hour of grief after losing him I kept asking myself did my decision put him on the path that lead to his death? I guess I will not know the answer while I am on this earth, but when I look into the eyes of many other parents who have lost a child...I see many different people from all walks of life who's kids were as varied as their parents. Guilt consumes us all for a while...even the ones that did everything right.
So for my beautiful baby boy I'd like to say thank you for all you've taught me in the short time you were here. Please forgive me for all my mistakes and know that I heard you, believed in you and love you...always. The memories I have I will always treasure and you will always be #1 to me. Happy 21st birthday bud...one less day before we see each other again...until then...puff, puff, pass.
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