Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The things that divide us.

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!

You know even as I grow older I am still surprised by the choices that others make.  One reason is they usually don't take into account all the information available and would rather turn the proverbial blind eye to any evidence to the contrary.  I've written about living in denial before but it seems to be becoming the way most people have chosen to go.  I can't do that no matter how much they might want me too.  So when my new old friend Spunky and I started hanging out, I made sure to explain why I do the things I do.  Over time it seemed like we were in similar situations with so few others who we could really count on, that it was a blessing that we reconnected.  I know I needed someone to talk to about life and the timing of the friendship seemed like it was right.  But as always nothing is as it seems and for a while I was left wondering... just what happened.  

In some ways we had a lot in common like both being from alcoholic families who were raised in the trailer park to being attracted to the wrong kind of men.  We both were tired of that and trying to change the type of friends we made.  When I started to research the diet and health stuff, she was a great motivator when it came to finding something that worked.  We talked about the world many times and why things are the way they are.  We talked about the decisions we both made that led us to where we are today and that's when it became clear that while I had a problem with accepting the status quo, she was quicker to go along with it.  It really broke my heart one day when she said she never knew there was anything different or even better out there, which was why she never looked for it.  But Spunky was more aware of herself now and that it a rare thing these days.  It is the means to understanding our role in this cosmic drama we have agreed to. 

Spunky had come a long way from where she started and I admired her for the tenacity it took.  She even over came her fear of talking with me about Trey because she was a parent too.  That took a lot and I'll always be grateful because not a lot of people get over the fear that a tragedy could rub off on them just by association.  She shared a lot of things with me that she hadn't with too many other people and because of that I shared a lot of what I've detailed in this blog with her.  She felt trapped by her current situation and I could certainly understand that feeling all too well.  But for me at least there is always a way out... even if you haven't found it just yet... keep looking.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  But I made a mistake by thinking she was looking for a way out of her situation instead of a way to make it easier.  While I do understand the difference I don't understand the need to pretend you want something that you don't want.

As I said here I noticed things got weird around the house when we first started hanging out.  I just couldn't put my finger on what it was, but my roommate seemed to know things that Spunky and I had talked about.  It would be a problem I had with him that I explained to her and later my roommate would make a comment on it out of the blue... like he knew.  Maybe she thought she was helping with the situation by giving my roommate advice but she had no clue that the advice would be used in a way that would hurt me in the end.  No matter how much I explained that living with a narcissistic individual was like living with a two year old toddler from hell, she really didn't have the knowledge first hand to relate and for that I understand.  But when the rubber met the road and it came time for her to make a choice when it came to our friendship or the service my roommate can provide she chose the service.  My roommate put her in that situation and she didn't even see it coming... even after I warned her. 

Whatever my roommate said to her when he took her home that last night was enough to make her change her mind about me and she said that there is always two sides to every story.  I used to believe that too when I thought that all people have souls and morality but as I've come to realize that when you have two stories... one a subjective version and the other a complete fabrication based on no evidence and the word of a man with much to lose... then any middle ground you are searching for will still be riddled with inconsistencies and farther from the truth than ever.  The change in the relationship was gradual but that was the end for me because this wasn't a contest and there would be no winners at the end.  When I hugged her good bye that day I knew our friendship was over but it took me a bit to write it out and explain why.  She responded that we didn't agree about my roommate and that was true because we didn't have too... it wasn't a condition of our friendship that we agree.  But the thing she didn't realize was she didn't have to live with the consequences of his actions like I do.  The letter I sent her was not even focused solely on my roommate but mostly about how I saw our friendship.  She said she felt the loss...and that was that.

Having more time to think about things I began to wonder just what her intent was.  I mean I do understand that she was in a hard situation because she wanted to remain friends with us both.  That's one reason why I made sure not to put her in any position that would make her choose.  I did vent quite a lot to her over our time together as I was trying to figure out what was going on with my roommate.  Now I can realize that I shouldn't have done that for many reasons but the main one is she thought highly of my roommate much as I had done in the beginning.  I also began to feel like I was being babysitted much like my roommate had suggested in the beginning when he told her to come by the house anytime to see me.  I have felt that feeling of people trying to pass me off to another person without trying to hurt my feelings before and this felt like the same thing.  The bad part is I don't need to be babysitted, I do alright on my own.   

That also reminded me of the conversation we had about my parents situations and the fact that I really have no one to depend on in life, other than myself.  I'm not sure if the concept was something she couldn't rap her brain around or if she was looking for a way to help me out of this house for my roommates benefit or mine.  It wasn't until after she quit working that I begin to see how little effort she put into finding time for the things that she said were important to her.  I also saw that she had no problem using others to meet her needs and it was the same problem I have with my roommate.  I realized that I was the one who put a lot more effort into this friendship and was starting to fall behind on the things I needed to do for me.  I didn't mind the effort I put in because the things we talked about and our friendship was important so I made time.  But it became clear that she wasn't honest about her intentions.  I understand that we can remain where we are while dreaming of being awake.  It takes actions done consistently and with purpose to even attempt to wake up from this illusion we call life.  I made a mistake in trying to awaken someone who was not ready to apply the lessons to real life... when it counts the most. 

I also came to see that Spunky had many people in her life that cared for her and I pointed that out to her too.  I hope at least I could help her see that for herself so she could appreciate them while they are here.  I gave my friend time and resources that I hope she'll use to find her way... if she chooses.  Most of all I gave my friend the room and the ability to make her own choices and I hope that she will remember that too.  This whole situation was a tough one from the beginning and Spunky is not to blame for the problems I've had with my roommate nor is she to blame for trying to walk that tightrope.  When she made her choice to put what my roommate could do for her above our friendship, I knew she didn't understand anything we had talked about this far.  That day was my sign that our friendship was not based on the truth I have been seeking and for that I'm not sorry.  That's what I was really asking for all along.  The bottom line is if you can't be real then there is nothing left to do but walk away.  I am sorry for any hurt I caused because I don't want to hurt anyone.  There is enough of that already in the world. 

A few months later went by and my roommate said nothing about her which made me wonder just what she told him about us but later he said to me that Spunky just told him I don't love her anymore... and left it at that.  I mean what else can she say to him without revealing the whole truth?  Not much but she knows I still love her and that had nothing to do with what happened.  I miss her and the connection I thought we had.  But after some time I've come to understand that everything happens in it's own time and for it's own reasons, whether we are aware of them or not.  Understanding that my time here in this area was limited at this point and when I leave, I want to really make a fresh start with a clean break from all that is around here... is the underlying reasons for much of what I do.  People around here will always associate me with being a childless parent, a friend of my roommates or any of the crazy exes I've been with and there is so much more to me, to my life and my future... than that.  I just have to realize it and that is hard to do here because so many people are stuck in one place, mentally, physically and spiritually.  That is what really divides us in the end...  


13. Getting a plan together and a Garden >>>>>       

The other side of the story...

 <<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!

Hi everyone.  It's been a while since I could sit down and write because so many things are happening in my life as well as the world that have kept me occupied of late.  So what else is new... right?  I have been creating work books to help me get through these deep issues I've been carrying around for years.  But today I am writing about something very personal again and it is important for you to know the truth especially if you know me personally and the situation that is going on.  In this post I wrote about a good friend of mine of 20 years who had been there off and on throughout my life and here for a few more of the highlights.  I really valued him as a friend because he was one of the few that seemed like he really cared... even if it was just on the surface.  I've also wrote about here that things are rarely as they seem and this is one clear example of this.  And just to catch up, this post (2nd part) was right after the 2012 new year, so I've been tip toeing around the situation for a while now.  This is going to be a little different in the regard to the nature of content and may seem pretty petty when it is all said and done.  I'm sorry and more than embarrassed that we've reached this stage because it's beyond counterproductive but I can't find another way to address the larger issues here.  

So we are going to the beginning of this story when I met my friend King Richard at that pool room oh so many years ago... and this is a long story... so sit back and take a load off for a bit.  When we met I was still dating Willie back in 1992 but  asked King Richard Willie if he would like to play on his league team with the intention of trying to win me from him as if I were a prize... which I am not in any sense of the word... then or now.  Of course that information was not offered up until many years later and yes I was that slow...at first.  It didn't occur to him that I didn't bounce between men and needed time to heal much less after that split was a big turning point in my life for many reasons.  He was a good ole boy and had the aw shucks routine down pat.  At that time nobody had a bad word to say about him and that was rare around here.  And King Richard was the kinda guy that would give the shirt off his back for you and do anything to help.  Also when he started working on my car back in the day he spent hours lecturing me on the ins and outs of cars even though it was something I cared little about, I listened and stayed with him until everything was done... as a sign of respect.  Because he takes his time on everything he does, it would be an all day thing most of the time but because he was helping me, I waited patiently and did everything I could to help him finish the job... then buy him dinner if I could... even if I was broke most of the time.  Those days I always had so many things going on it was hard to explain to him how important time was and his favorite saying back then was make time... so I did.     

When we stated to hang out, I was 23 and he was 31 although I knew him for a while before that, he was still living at home with his mother without any thought to leaving and a virgin to boot.  And everyone knew he was a virgin too because it became this running joke between the circle of friends with him as the ring leader.  I used to think it was kinda refreshing that someone would hold out for "the one" but found out that wasn't really the case.  He played harder than he worked and he worked hard so his lifestyle was fast and loose.  King Richard and his friends were hustlers back in the day and they were good at it.  Even after Willie and I broke up there was never any chance of me dating him or even sleeping with him and he was told clearly and repeatedly over the years... even if the reasons why changed, the bottom line remained the same.  Problem is I didn't tell anyone else in the circle.  I thought it was a private matter back then but learned there is no such thing with King Richard who shares every juicy bit of gossip that comes his way and usually starts by saying "Check this out..." adding his usual spin on whatever topic.  I learned quickly to not tell him anything of importance because he can't keep a secret to save his life.  But it took his other friends years to figure that one out... which blew my mind.  When we had a discussion on blind faith around that time... he was all for it and I was against it.  The notion of taking people at their word without proof of integrity or not thinking things through at the time was foolish, because it had burned my butt all to often.  I've had to prove who I am enough times and understood it's the kind of world we lived in.  There wasn't anything he could say that would change my mind so he thought I was hard core... even then.  I also learned that he does not like change of any kind and for me that is unimaginable and unacceptable.  Life is a series of choices, changes and lessons.  We can learn them or repeat them. 

King Richard has led a charmed life where he has not had to endure any hardships or lost someone close he cared about until he lost his mother in July of 08.  I must say, even then he took it rather well because he had spent so much time with her while she was here... he felt he had done enough.  It had also given me the impression at first that whoever he married might be a lucky girl if that was any indication.  Once again experience has taught me otherwise when years later he told me his mother had loved him enough for a life time so he didn't need anyone to love him.  He didn't have relationships with women that turned bad (except for me... so I was the worst thing that ever happened to him) and we didn't even have a romantic relationship.  He had parents who bent over backwards to help him every step of the way.  He was the 2nd and favored child who could do no wrong and was proud of it.  But he denied having those safety nets when we were younger because he wanted people to see him as someone who didn't need help.  The facts remain the same even if you do deny them and the fact was... he had a lot of people doing things for him behind the scenes that he learned to take for granted.  Roughly six months after we met he told me he loved me but how could that be possible when he couldn't even see who I was?  I was mad and he knew it too because I left him at the bar and started walking home through the hood... at night.      

At first I observed many qualities in King Richard that I didn't want in a mate and one was he was so loud all the time and another was he was manipulative.  He was the king of double standards and thinks women should be one click behind men or in other words... the man should retain 51 % control within any relationship.  I have never agreed with that logic but that wasn't important either.  Throughout the years the biggest disappointment was when I really saw his inability to care about what another human being really needs by blowing them off with the glib superficial remarks that dismiss their concerns.  Such as you'll be alright or my favorite... if you're that damn dumb you got to be tough... but it took me a good long time to see it because he hides it so well using humor.  He then would buy the person a beer or dinner as a way to smooth things over without having to deal with any actual problems.  I observed his constant need for attention that he directs to suit his needs and the advice he dispenses was based on a very narrow view of the world.  Conversely the advice he receives from people is also based on his half truths and sometimes out right lies, but it always serves the purpose of making sure he looks good.  Plausible deniability and all that.  I have watched him act differently in front of different people for years and in times of crises, when it's convenient or there is something in it for him, he can be a good guy and handle business.  But that good guy is appearing less and less these days with the stresses of life and because I am the closest and easiest to blame, he chooses that route instead of looking at his own actions.

I thought that King Richard would be able to accept that no meant no... no matter the reasons but time has proved me wrong... despite his repeated denials to the contrary.  During these years King Richard has told almost everyone he knew that I was hard to please or leading him on which was never the case and that I took advantage of his kindness... because I wouldn't sleep with him.  It seems that each person gets a slightly different version of the story from one another but that fits right in with where I'm going with all this.  I was simply kind to him and thankful when he was to me by showing my appreciation instead of just talking about it...  just not in the way he wanted.  King Richard often said that I gave out mixed signals to which I couldn't figure out what those signals were at that time, but I have come to understand that in the society we live in that kindness is mistaken for attraction because it is so rare these days.  I spent hours talking to him over the years and pointing out the facts of life such as his black or white thinking or his all or none approach to certain things because in the beginning he seemed like he wanted to learn.  He asked so many questions back then and I answered every single one with the bare truth in the hopes of giving him information that would help him make better decisions.  In fact I spent way too much time trying not to hurt his feelings in the beginning but still telling him the truth for both of our sakes.  It took me years to translate his phrase I don't understand, to... I just don't care.  And instead of using the information to make his life easier he used it as ammunition in a sense. I would point that out to him and again he would tell me "You wouldn't have it any other way."      

When I was younger I didn't understand what all these observations meant other than King Richard wasn't the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life... but I still thought he was a pretty good guy compared to many of the others I had met.  Even with all that had happened up until this point I could still say that... but not any more.  All these years I thought the issue was about him not receiving sex but have now come to the conclusion that this whole friendship has been based on his need to bend others to his will because it's a game he enjoys and has admitted it to me on many occasions...as long as he was talking about other people.  This irrational obsession/fear of sex is simply a pretense to obtain pity and attention while claiming to be special.  From the beginning he told me he was okay being friends despite what he told his circle of friends.  But because he really wasn't okay with it he started using mind games to show his unhappiness.  Elementary stuff at best but enough to make you feel like you are being punished for something even if you were not guilty of the offense.  I have a really big problem with that and have been vocal on the issue which hasn't made one bit of difference.  That's one reason why at one point I even had a quick consensual fling with someone else during that time... so I could get the point across... I was not going live my life according to his rules.   And let's get real... if he really wanted to find a willing girlfriend or even a one night stand he's had plenty of opportunities to find someone that would... but he has spent years focused on someone that wouldn't.  Why do you think that is?  It has nothing to do with his looks or status as he likes to blame.  In fact to my knowledge he has never made the first move with a female whom he said he was attracted to.  Not once.   

When King Richard's mom sold her house in 1997, (the same year I bought mine) instead of asking me if he could live with me, he choose to use guilt as the means to obtain entry.  I did feel guilty back then because of the Cramerton incident which cost him $5000 but having a good roommate I could trust was important too.  Also of note here is, that while the incident in question was my fault, the reason it was even started was his need to get me in bed.  That was what the ecstacy was for and he thought it would help him in his mission... but it backfired.  Do those long gone friends who recommended that approach to him even know what they were attempting to help him with?  Based on the story they got, I can understand why they would think it would have helped, but because I didn't want to sleep with him in any form or fashion that could have been considered a form of date rape.  Were they okay with being used as an accomplice if things turned ugly?  Think about that especially if you have kids now.  And let's not forget about the good old cousin lawyer who was willing to knock a little off the bill if I knocked boots with him.  Yeah... real classy bunch right there... even if King Richard was offended by that too.  So later on when King Richard lived with me for 10 months and during that time when the games were at there peak, he started to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.  Probably like I am doing to him right now and it is also a conscious decision... but I'm not playing any games.

Even back then King Richard wasted a lot of money because he could and I couldn't because I had obligations and Trey.  He fussed about the high cost of living like it was my fault and I already lived on a shoe string budget.  And to be clear here he was still hustling on top of his day job... in my house.  Up until that point in time I had observed his other friends taking advantage of him for a lot of money over the years and he seemed okay with it because he kept letting them do it over and over again... while he complained about it!  In fact when I asked him why he kept on doing it he then said oh it'll be alright... like it was no sweat?  But as far as I can tell, he only told me that I was the one taking advantage of his kindness because he bought more and better dinners than I did in addition to the car repairs.  I had even tried to go on a date once and King Richard did his best to show up at the house just before the guy was to arrive to spoil the evening.  I didn't tell him about it for that reason and because I wanted to see if I liked the guy first before I introduced him.  But he just couldn't stand the fact that I was doing what I wanted to do and not what he wanted me to do.  I finally asked him to leave my house back then because it was time for him to get a dose of the real world where everything cost money and it was a whole lot harder than he pretended it would be.  So he left and then bought this house we are both in today.  I thought that being a home owner would give him a sense of accomplishment as well as an education, because I got one.  His mom gave him all the old furniture from the old house when she bought new and he was set.  

A few months later when I had another problem with the GrandAm, King Richard agreed to look at it.  I had been a paying customer for a while by this time and not many people know that either...  That is when he would let me pay and those that knew him back then, understand what I mean.  Why did I ask him for help again?  Well King Richard was a great mechanic when he decided to be and he had already done most of the work on this car and knew it's history.  Anyway I had already explained what the car was doing or more like making the noise it made and he must have called 2 or 3 times asking me to do the noise or ask again what the car was doing.  The last call happened while I was on the phone with an electrician and I asked if he would call me back.  Well around 11 pm that night I finally got him to answer the phone.  He came and picked me up to take me to my car at the shop which was about a 7 minute ride.  On the way there he told me that because I didn't make time for him when he called, he quit working on my car and pushed it outside.  He said he was tired of being my hey boy and I could kiss his ass.  

I had him stop the truck while still a few blocks away and got out screaming at him what a lousy bastard he was among other things and told him I was glad I had decided to never sleep with him and it would be cold day in hell before I would even talk to him again.  This was at least the third and the last time he had hung me out to dry in this fashion and to this day feels no problem with that.  Now I'm not proud of my out burst because it really had nothing to do with the car itself but I felt pushed beyond the limits that day and I knew even then he had a way of pushing every button to get this response.  So I traded cars and signed on for a 5 year car payment, then Marvelous reentered the picture in 1999.  I hadn't seen King Richard  at all until he came to check out the new dude maybe a year and half later and by that time things seemed like they were back to normal, so that cold day in hell came quicker than I expected.  King Richard also showed up for every break up with him too and enjoyed the entertainment to the max.    

Roughly 10 years later in 2007 I had assumed we had gotten over the issues because we both were older and it never even crossed my mind that it would become one again.  He was dating Ariel after all and looked like he had moved on.  He even told me several times that he was glad he and I didn't hook up and that the friendship was more important.  I was really proud of him when he took that step to owning a business because I knew the amount of work that was needed to make it happen.  Even if it took him 20 years. ;) Then I learned that the business was basically gift wrapped and dropped in his lap almost immediately after he started, when AB gave him most of his clients.  Y'all have heard the story... you know how this all started.  When he told me he needed a little help with the paperwork he meant hunt, collect, sort, repeat and take on the whole thing by myself.  I'm not kidding when I tell you I had to turn the whole house, cars and trucks (right side) up just to find all the little scraps of paper that were everywhere.  Then the worst happened when Trey died.  During the time when all the family and friends were showing up at the house just after,  King Richard shined in that moment and kept all the people occupied and that was worth it's weight in gold.  He also attended several memorials around the county and was a big help keeping some of the teenagers calm.  Which brings us to about three and a half years ago and this was what was going on during that time leading up to me moving in with him again.  

We went to the beach for a few days in May of 09 shortly after I got here so we both could get a break and that's when he hired his first driver. So let's recap the timeline: I started helping him with the books and setting up the business in my old home around the beginning of 08, Trey died in March of 08, I got back to his business sometime in June or July and learned how to do basic accounting then Quickbooks.  He did give me a few hundred dollars to get started but I was pretty much left alone to figure his company out.  I still felt I had something to repay though for all the car repair work he did in the beginning and the help throughout the funeral... but I wanted a job.  In 09, I came to  King Richard before I even moved in and asked if he could pay me about $800 a month, I'd do the company books, sort personal bills and paperwork, clean his house, run the errands and do all the laundry so I could stay in my house.  He said no he wasn't interested in any of that.  

Later I asked King Richard one last time after I moved here if he would help with the mortgage payments until I could get new renters or made other arrangements.  I explained that credit was everything and if I lost my rating I'd lose my ability to be bonded and insured which would allow me a chance of getting a job later down the line.  I explained it was temporary and I was only willing to give it a few more months because I didn't want to waste money if there was no hope and that he would be repaid when the law suit settled... no matter the outcome.  I also said at this crossroads either we were all in or all out to get the property sold or rented over the next few months because to do it any other way, was going to be so expensive that it would cause further hardship.  I knew it was a lot to ask but he had lent another long time friend of his about $4000 and didn't get paid back.  So my promise to pay him back fell on deaf ears.  Again he said no and told me I didn't need credit to stay here and work for him but he gave me $500 to fix the shower in the downstairs bathroom while the renters were there.  Once the foreclosure process was in the final stages he then asks me if I'm sure this was what I wanted to do?  Once it was too late to do anything then he pretends like he would have helped me if I had only asked.   And now many months later he says that he didn't even remember anything about the lawsuit... despite the comments he would make whenever one of those green and white envelopes would show up in the mail.  Do you see a pattern yet? 

Before I even moved in while we were really talking I explained that I was done living that 24 hours a day life style with the phone being an ever present appendage and why in so many different ways to get him to understand that while I was willing to help a lot...  I wasn't willing to do all the jobs that were needed from office managing, bill collecting to dispatching to receptionist to personal assistant to... on top of what I was doing already.  When I choose to learn how to do the books it was because it was solitary work that could be done out of the home and alone.  It's also why I worked at night and slept during the day.  The person who does these other jobs will be shackled to the phone and him as well... so I was clear I wasn't interested in that life... even if he thought I was weird.  I wasn't interested in drama of any sorts which was why I wasn't dating anyone, period but he could go on about his life leaving me to do the same.  I let him know that at some point in the future I would be hitting the road in an RV because it was a life long dream that was becoming more of a way I wanted to live.  The only remaining questions at this time was when and how.  The biggest lesson I learned was that all the I time wasted on being a private investigator as well as all the dumb decisions I had made cost me the most important person in my life. There is not enough money on planet earth to undue that lesson and he just can't understand because money means everything to him.  

When I brought my beautiful dog Gus into the house I was happy that King Richard had changed his long time view on animals which was they eat and don't work and were of no use.  But he fell in love with the little guy and when I mentioned I wanted A litter of puppies from Gus while I was still grieving for Trey, he jumped right on that idea.  In a matter of a few months he had searched, located and we brought Lily home.  That's when he continued to think and talk like we.. meaning I... were going into the business of dog breeding... which we were not because I am not selling flesh of any kind nor was I going to allow these dogs to be used in that way. Never mind the fact that they sleep with me and we are all cramped in this small room or we have no training in raising dogs.  He wasn't happy about that because he was looking for yet another opportunity to oversee someone elses work while collecting the profits for a minimum investment.    

Lily is a sweet dog but she is highly nervous and after researching about training methods I found that she wouldn't be a good candidate for mothering puppies which is really sad but I still love her for her wiggly little self anyway.  But King Richard didn't want to hear that or have her fixed so we didn't at first.  As for Gus he likes to travel and does it well.  He misses me taking him places and doesn't really understand that it is harder to take them both any where because of Lily's nervousness.  It was also really wonderful around here when she went into heat and bled for about six weeks and then Gus would lose his mind until it was over.  I did try to keep the dogs contact down during this time and only hoped that he wouldn't "hook 'em up" while I was away.  During those times I had to listen to King Richard commensurate with Gus loudly and repeatedly just to let me know how he felt... without ever telling me directly.  This situation was worked out only because I made an appointment for Lily to be neutered in January because the poor girl had been bleeding for about 3 months by this time.  That is way too long for anyone to endue that so I made the decision for him.  Conversely I have asked repeatedly for King Richard not to feed my dog from the table at least until we are done because I didn't want the dog whining throughout the meal.  He said it'll be alright and continued to do so til the day I left while he complained about the dog whining. 

When I first moved in I worked hard on getting King Richard's place and office in working order with the small amount of money that was available and I provided most of the office furniture, a computer and many supplies from my home as well.  I also upgraded many things in this household from my old home and had much more that could have been used here if only he would have made a little time.  I was also really trying to do a good spring clean on this nasty house.  After a week and a half I ran out of steam with all the cleaning and had to focus on so many others things that needed attention.  Before I got back to it... it looked as if I hadn't even made a dent at all.  For 3 years... in 08 before I moved in - 09 - 10... I worked to pay back all the debts to him and later for room and board when the ueb ran out sometime near the middle of 2010.  When Trey's law suit also settled in mid 2010, I loaned him a large amount of money to buy the second flatbed truck to save interest payments in addition to asking him again to not tell anyone.  I was not doing it for the glory or for the recognition which is something he is not used too.   And again he told several people because he just can't be quiet.

I told King Richard that if he choose to move to a better location he could use that money, he was to repay me to cover my part in the upgrades to any place we moved to... within a reasonable amount of time, of course.  I would not however be investing any money into this present location for many reasons but the obvious was he had let it go for 12 years and it needs a lot of work... none of which he was interested in doing either.  The irony is that's the stuff I love to do and creating is a part of who I am.  Another fact is the point about the economy tanking was a central point of my discussion that sparked these idea's that we were running out of time to make a decision.  I made the offer to stick with this company and invest into both of our futures and was willing to wait on my dream until things were established... and we both were making good money.  A fact he clearly stated was... he wanted this as well... but this would  later be conveniently forgotten as many of these things are.  I didn't want to buy into the company at any time, only part of the personal property if we had moved because I thought it was the fair thing to do... and I wanted my space.  Ultimately it was his choice and I had been waiting ever since, for him to make any decision about the direction he wanted to go.     

Up until this point, King Richard also kept asking me to go places with him whether it was a family function, riding the bike, car shows, bike swaps, towing museums, or just out to eat and I kept telling him no and then asking him not to bother with it because I was happy being at home and being quiet.  Every time he asked it made me feel bad because I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings.  But that bothered him a lot because he keeps telling me now that we used to be close and we aren't any more.  Which is so true but that happened so long ago and it tells me that since he hasn't even bothered to notice it until now, just how little he pays attention to things outside of himself... when it suits him of course.  It's almost like he had made being close in what ever way possible a condition to the continued arrangement here, but again not coming right out and saying it.  And by arrangement I mean getting paid to do all the other work I do.      

About April of 2012 when I started hanging out with another friend from the old days, Spunky... things became really weirder than ever.  If you'll remember she was the woman who introduced me to King Richard all those years ago and over time we became closer.  Well, at the beginning King Richard said he was happy about it but later showed he was not happy that I was getting out of the house.  He then stated that he was tired of missing out on life and since I wouldn't go any where with him... he'd just call Ariel.  Again the irony is he had spent much of his youth doing exactly what he wanted to do unlike myself and it seems as if I had made it here just in time for his mid life crisis.  Great.  Ariel was a good friend of mine... before I introduced her to King Richard.  She was his second sexual partner and their on again off again romance was so much harder on her than it was for him.  She cared and he didn't no matter how much drama she caused.  And he talked about their private sex life in detail as well as the first lady he lost his virginity to at the age of 42... with anybody, any where, anytime and it made me oh so glad that I never opened myself up to that.  I can only hope there aren't any pictures or videos floating about because that poor girl would be humiliated beyond belief.  And to be clear he asked both of us to move in with him at different times for different reasons which were totally lost on me at the time so I'm sure she didn't have a clue what he was trying to do, either.   

King Richard's step mom had just died so they had started talking again because of this and he learned Ariel was trying to stay sober.  He then told me that he still wasn't serious about her but at least he could "go a few rounds with her" and then go on his merry way.  I got really mad because if she was trying to get sober... he would blow that right out of the water by using her again and I told him so.   So of all the women he could "date" he had to bring her back into the mix and she comes with a lot of drama which would be hard on us all.  Just like the old days when I watched him verbally pit two people against one another because it was fun, only now he wants 2 women fighting over him?  Really dude... especially when I didn't even want the prize?  I felt so bad because I introduced them and then found out later that he pretty much made her choose between him or me... because he told me... and he told her I was his ex girlfriend...sorta?  We all knew how Ariel felt about best friends hooking up with boyfriends and he used that as a way to bend her to his rules.  She choose him and that was another reason my friendship with her ended.  But then later King Richard ended their relationship when Ariel started to require more time and effort because if it ain't easy he ain't participating.  And he was clear that I could do the job for the business better than her so that tells you where his priorities were and he can be clear when he wants to be.  Then King Richard tells me... that Ariel told him... he would have to support me for the rest of his life and he told her he knew that.  Got all that?  He said... she said and round and round we go! 

Again in April, during that same conversation, I told him I wanted him to be happy and if he was ready for me to leave then all he had to do was say so.  He had been dragging his feet on any major decisions claiming every excuse in the book and now he was focused on what he was missing out on?  I was trapped in this situation and told him I felt it was time that he did some serious soul searching.  He wants the old glory days of running the streets with the cool kids instead of running this business he started and I want to go forward on the journey of life instead of constantly waiting on him to do something.  The excuses he brings up are the very things I had told him to look out for so we could work through or avoid altogether.  One excuse he told often was he didn't have any money but he still had mine, so that wasn't the problem... at all.  Any time I brought up the subject he would claim that I was always on his back about it and he was tired of getting his butt chewed out.  He then said I was treating him like he was retarded and for which I replied "I'll be glad to stop when you stop acting this way."  But in reality I am only trying what ever method I can to get through to him at this point and he is knew it.  Claiming I am treating him like he is retarded has become the new reason to ignore everything that is important here.       

I told King Richard to make a decision and if it was for me to leave then give me time to figure out what to do.  If I needed to go then he would have plenty of time to pay back the money slowly so it wouldn't be a drain on the business.  I understood that other people depended on him for a living and in no way wanted to jeopardize their future... it is him who does not understand that being a boss means being responsible for more than just yourself.   At this point I told him I was done with all the drama that I never wanted and had been down this road with him before.  Everything has to be negotiation and he is always looking for a way to beat the other person out of something, whether it be the $500 car stick or anything I personally think is important.  I told him I saw that he was unhappy and if he was bound and determined to make me unhappy as well... to just be honest with both of us and tell me that it was time to go.  He said and I quote: "Please don't leave me." To which I responded... "Up to you but if you can't make a decision one will be made for you... very soon."  The decision he needed to make was were we going to get this work done or were we going to talk it to death while he keeps playing these games?

When I was finally put on pay role in the beginning of 2011, I still used all that money to buy the supplies for the house, dogs and some for the business if I could and maintained that status until about June or July of 2012... until I finally got a small "raise".  Up until that time I had basically worked for smokes as I like to joke but I didn't have a problem with it at first because he was trying to expand the business... and he did.  He also kept adding trucks and found himself another toy to play with too when he bought the Vet.  For the record the more people he had to work for him the less he started doing.  I understood he was tired but the reason I was told he was hiring a second driver was because he needed to deal with some of the other stuff on his plate... but that wasn't happening very often.  Instead he was just hanging out here at the house cooling it in front of the tube while he directed the drivers. So after a while, I had gotten aggravated and stopped doing as much around the house, so I reduced it to just the basics.  He kept telling me what a basic guy he was so he started getting basic service.  In reality the "raise" really just let me pay for my own smokes instead of having to ask him for the money every time.  The irony of finally get "paid" about the amount I would have needed to stay in my own home was not lost on me but King Richard never gave it a thought. 

In the first of many problems he has now stated he had with this pay arrangement was with the tax refund check that came in May 2012.  He thought I should give it back to him for some reason although he didn't tell me what for, he did say that he thought he was only paying me to save taxes again.  I thought it was only for the first year and then I would finally be able to start saving money, even if it was just a few dollars.  It then started to become very clear that getting money to live on or save was going to be hard from here on out.  As an independent women this was starting to really wear on my last good nerve because it was wrong and I was working for this money.  Almost every dime I had was tied up in this business and I couldn't even go out and purchase some desperately needed clothes without his approval?  All the while he is stating that he doesn't want to make me feel like a second class citizen, while doing just that... no matter how many times he said "I appreciate ya".  Not only then did we have several conversations about the money I made through his company I let it be known that everyone including him had a raise and it was now my turn.  So when I finally got that small increase in "pay" it felt like it was my first real "check" to call my own.  For those of you who are curious I paid for my vehicle with almost the last of the money from the lawsuit, although he did locate it for me.  King Richard did buy the stainless steel pots and pans so I would cook for him more and an a/c unit to go in the bedroom but that was only after he noticed it for himself how hot it was because he didn't believe me when I told him.  

King Richard had told so many people he was looking to buy property for the business that he had all the little people in his group waiting on stand by to go to work immediately after the papers were signed.  He finally started to make some loose plans then he started thinking about searching for something suitable.  You may ask why I didn't help with the search and there were several reasons.  He was picky and it had to be zoned right which was a tricky property to find.  Add red tape and this city is not friendly to a small business much less ones that have a tendency to be vehicle related.  This was not going to be an easy thing to find and it would take a lot of time.  All three of the guys drive these roads everyday and when they saw a promising piece of property they could get the number and give it to King Richard.  Another reason is by this time I had spent a large amount of effort doing things for King Richard that was unused or discarded after I completed the work.  It taught me to not bother with certain things if they are just going to end up in the trash can.  Other little signs showed me his heart wasn't really in the search either so I didn't get my hopes up.  I figured if he was really serious about it then he would have to take the steps in that direction.  This was his company and his life so he needed to take charge and walk the walk.  While there were many other issues that needed to be addressed he choose to not focus on any of them until he found a place for the business. 

Since King Richard hired his first driver who we'll call Sir Know it All, and was an incredibly obnoxious man himself at times, King Richard has spent so much time arguing with the driver on who is the boss of this company instead of being the boss... that things started to go down hill with that as well.  I've had to listen to the whole thing wondering why this is more important to King Richard than actually handling business.  It got worse when the second driver was hired and then he started playing one against the other.  When asked about it he says that "I'm gonna teach Sir Know it All a lesson if it kills us both... that he isn't in charge by verbally abusing him just like he does me... I am gonna break him one way or the other"... When I pointed out that he hired this guy as entertainment and it was up to him to put a stop to the insanity he states that God put this guy in his life for a reason and the reason must be to learn patience... (?)  So you see there was no point in explaining that it wasn't his job to break the will of others nor was it in the best interest of anybody else that happened to be around or associated with it... but I tried.  There is so much more that can be said about this situation and his business practices that I could post a whole other page detailing the greed and absurdity that happens now on a regular basis but that's not all I'm trying to convey here.   It is however the very reason why the world is so hard for every single one of us.  Again it's something that is totally lost on him as he himself complains about all the other greedy bastards out there.

The little bit of good King Richard does now is done in front of a lot of people so he can get the most mileage out of it and if he can work the business in all the better because he gets two for one on the publicity.  These are things like toy runs on the bikes with as many of his peeps he can round up to helping on the advisory board at the school close by.  Conversely the friend of his who's house burned down was lucky to get a couple pair of pants and a few dollars when he needed it most.  It's sad to see this same man now back in rotation who has his own teenage son to care for, ask for parenting advice or any other from King Richard.  He doesn't see he is also being used to make King Richard's life easier at his expense and because of his situation.  If he is ever hired to work even part time, he's in for a treat and I hope he'll be okay with the breadcrumbs that will be thrown his way for his efforts.  In fact King Richard just said the other day that "we" need to hire a few more flunkies around here.  His old name back in the day for you guys were beats, short for dead beats.  Just thought you'd like to know... and yes he even thinks I am now one to a certain extent.  And the reason King Richard will even hire another driver is so he can do even less work at the end of the day.  Looking back on all the good he has done in the past puts a whole new spin on it when you see why he does it.  King Richard clearly understands how hard it is to find people who can do what he does and he has used his abilities as a way to keep people coming back to him.  Now I see that when he was doing things that were considered nice he was doing it in the hopes of impressing people especially me for a while at least.  At the end of the day that's what this is all about... impression management... but the story continues... 

 11b. The other side of the story II >>>>>

The other side of the story II.

 <<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, 14.  >>>>> The End of the Story Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!
Looking back, I think King Richard saw I meant what I said when I started to do more for myself whether it be hanging out with Spunky or trying to research things that were important to me and my dreams.  I had suggested Spunky to King Richard to handle the phones at first and he thought it was a good idea, then talked to her making arrangements with her to work with me to learn the basics.  So Spunky finds a piece of property but the city won't sell it, then there was another place he looked at and then the last piece of property she found was looking really promising.  The negotiations started, the deal was struck and it was looking like we might be moving the office out of the house.  When it came down to the wire King Richard sent the check but not before saying... "I'm only doing this because all you mofo's have been pushing me to do something, and if this fails... it's all y'alls fault!."  Spunky heard that part over the phone but not the next after I hung up when I told him... hold up.  "Do not make this deal if you are going to blame everyone else.  This is your decision and no one elses so if you don't feel comfortable then don't go through with it... and it was you who has spent so much time baiting the little people in the circle, including me with this move that you have no one to blame but yourself."  He sent the check despite not checking the zoning laws himself through an attorney or the attorney didn't catch it.  The deal was canceled, he was refunded and that was the end of the search and effort he applied.  My June trip out of town with Spunky didn't help matters either because I was doing what he wanted to do... but couldn't... or wouldn't rather.            

This is when the complaints about how much money I spent on supplies started in earnest because I like to stock up on the things we all use everyday... never mind the fact that since I've been here I have spent the remaining $4000 from my savings account to pay for many of the things I needed and some things that were needed around here.  I have learned to be prepared and having extra on hand makes all the difference especially when times get tight or bad weather knocks out the power.  I rotate the food and try to keep up with what's being used.  I ask him what he wants or needs and he says surprise me.  I guess at what he'd like, then he complains on what I buy?  I buy him stuff to eat lunch at home, because he asked me too, then I'd throw it away because it wouldn't get eaten, and then he fuss about me throwing away food.  I even told him to cancel everything but the basic cable he likes because I'm not watching television much and it would save him money.  He told me that I don't work as hard as "the boys" or as long as they do... so that justifies his actions?  Those boys make a lot more money than I do and the one thing they have is time off from him.  There is very little time off from King Richard in this position here.     

Despite the trips paid for from my own money except for the gas, I don't really go out that much and he is well aware of that fact.  I am also pretty efficient when it's time to get things done because I don't want to waste a lot of time or effort.  He does not practice being prepared in any manner nor is he efficient and now makes it seem like I'm wasting his money... and his time.  He will not appreciate the fact that most of this stuff I am handling is his and even if it isn't why must I justify my every expense?  Again he misses how much money he has wasted by leaving the trucks parked where they can and do get broken into.  By constantly paying bills late with all the fees attached or by buying those $100 dinners for the guys to show his appreciation, he has shown no problem handing out money.  He even pays people to go away in a sense.  If they borrow and don't come back then he looks at it as a win win.  My point to the money thing is this: he has made at least twice as much as me in the past and way more now.  If I could do all the things I was able to do with half the money in the past, then why can't he now... even with help?  I think he remembers how well I used to handle all the little details in life and expected me to handle all his little details... as if it were my life.  Never mind the fact the he has tied my hands at almost every turn by denying me the resources and ignored all information that would have helped make all of our lives easier and it really is his responsibility at the end of the day to handle his job and life.     

Over the last few months talking with Spunky confirmed most of my suspicions about what King Richard has said about our whole relationship over the years.  She wasn't really around much toward the end of the first run so I filled her in on the other side of the story.  Although King Richard started out talking quite highly of me at first both times he would then later twist or retract almost everything he stated.  The ironic part isn't lost on me that I've done the very same thing here.  Another example of how people like this can bring out the best or the worst in us and sometimes you must still make a stand.  King Richard used to be pretty good about not uttering a direct and verifiable lie although he had spent years implying that we had a romantic relationship to the circle of friends and carried on like it was a fact... but it was a lie of the biggest kind.  During our so called relationship back then he led them all to believe I was stringing him along about the sex and treated him like he was the transition man... between relationships and was just using him for my own personal gain.  He still thinks this even now after everything that has been detailed in this post and the whole blog itself.  For those who know us... this is for you to decide.  If you weren't one of the ones who he talked to then you are either family or just weren't in rotation at the time. 


King Richard has blamed everything else like the men in my life to my mother and father for the way I am and the fact that I wouldn't see him for what a nice, caring guy he thinks he is.  Never mind the fact that if I was looking for a relationship it would be with a caring, capable, and collinear man...something which was completely lost on him.  He even told me once that he rarely felt guilty about anything because he felt he didn't do anything wrong.  The fact the he along with the rest of us are plenty guilty because we all have done things wrong from time to time... but he never sees anything wrong with his actions or his words.  He has made comments on my parenting skills and always said that if he'd have been in my position he would have raised Trey.  He always had opinions about what he would do... and a few months after Trey died when I told him that my one true reason for living was gone.  He loudly yelled that I could cut that out in front of a few other people who were around... like Trey's death shouldn't bother me as bad because he didn't live with me.  I guess it never occurred to him that I was focused on the future without Trey and not the past at that moment in time.  That callous remark will be with me to the very end and it should have been my sign.  He still wonders why I get depressed from time to time.    

I know this is King Richard's house and he can do whatever he needs to do here.  But his desire to spend all his time with people whether it be to ride with him in the truck, motorcycle or just to hang out here at the house shows he doesn't like to be alone.  Being sociable or having a companion is a good thing and I got zero problems with others that want to do it.  In fact networking is vital when it comes to sharing information in the world we live in but this here is different.  He uses networking as a way to divide and conquer each of us so we always suspect the others of any wrong doing... but not him.  Here the phone rings constantly and loudly.  He talks on two headsets constantly and loudly sometimes pacing down the hall past my room during a call.  Only when he is talking to customers directly does he use the very helpful voice which is a bit softer than normal but oozing with professionalism.  Then this man spends hours a day negotiating with the drivers on who goes where and it gets worse than The Three Stooges at times doing a Laurel and Hardy routine... and he wouldn't have it any other way.  Now I hear him tell his friends that need a tow that they shouldn't be asking him to work for nothing because he's gotta survive too. His words are, "show me some love"or "you gotta get your heart right"... to him love means money and heart means wallet. 

Again the irony is not lost on me that it is exactly what King Richard expected me to do for him...which is work for free.  When I pointed that out, he looked at me as if I had lost my mind and still cannot figure out what my problem is to save his life.  I've heard all the stories a 1000 times and am so burnt out on car talk or his severely limited view on life that instead of giving me a break with it when I asked he simply starts each conversation with... "I know you don't want to hear this but I'm gonna tell it to ya anyway..."  If I start talking about anything other than cars or the job he interrupts the flow of conversation and my train of thought and directs the conversation back onto himself and his needs.  Reminds me of back in the day when he would constantly interrupt me to keep asking what certain words meant instead of trying to find the meaning in the context of the sentence or waiting until I finished to clarify a word.  He never caught on that I was tired of him interrupting when I learned to tell him to "look it up" while continuing on with my sentences.  You'd have to be interested in what I have to say and let's face it he hasn't heard me yet.  And I can tell when he is talking to a woman on the phone because the voice and tone he uses are the same ones I heard in the beginning.  The lines are the same and even though he hasn't said anything to me about anyone in particular he is obviously trying to find a replacement in what ever capacity.  Good luck to the next one!

When it's not business King Richard is calling every member of the group to check in or coordinate lunch or some other daily functions on a regular basis or sometimes it's just a customer service rep to give them a piece of his mind.  Scott also likes to poll his friends on decisions he has already made, not to be sure he is doing the right thing but because he likes talking about what he CAN do.  I used to mistake that as looking for advise but I was wrong... that's bragging.  In fact this man talks more about doing anything than ever actually doing it.  If he does get something accomplished then he will talk all about that too.  When he's bored he often goes and "aggravates" the neighbors or a buddy somewhere close by.  And if there is no one left to talk to there is always the dogs... or himself.  Not only do I hear the calls sometimes on speaker I get the in person face to face update as soon as the call ends.  It's like living with Howard Cosell, that old sports announcer with instant replays and all playing on a CNN loop.  The irony again here is he will come into my room to tell me how much another of his friends likes to talk so much he can't even watch the television for this guy talking.  But when I tell him I can see his point and understand how aggravating that could be... it flies right over his head... all the while thinking he is leaving me alone... true story.

After the way he talks about the people in his group (myself included) you'd think they are all complete idiots, degenerates or disciples depending on the day and this has always been my clue about what kind of person he really was.  And don't feel bad... I believed him at first too... so don't think I blame any of you for doing the same either.  But to hear him talk, when all the racist, sexist, bigoted and ignorant ideas are pouring out of his head has been the biggest wake up call, and let's me know where I really stand without ever telling me directly.  It is the oddest way of life I have seen in a while and because I am in the middle of the house there is no where for me to go to get away from the sound of his voice or the television on high or the banjo music just for fun.  The only time it gets quiet around here is when he is trying to hide something and then it gets oddly quiet... you know like having a toddler in the house that gets quiet...quiet?  At this point in time though I'll take the quiet however it comes.  It was the number one reason I wanted to move or at least start working on this house.  There is no privacy to even think in this house and that is what I needed more than anything. 

My thinking bothers King Richard so much that he has even stated to me several times over the years "Don't read so much that you get too smart".  I've been reading all my life and take in a lot of information when searching for an answer to a problem.  When I was here playing a game on the computer in my spare time for 2 years, he had very little to say about my time in front of the computer.  It was not until I started studying other interesting things like healing my heart to diet and health that he had a problem with it. The ironic part here is his arthritis and diabetes were what started the search on that topic which I spent hours on trying to find him some relief.  I want to change my diet slowly and detox so I can have more energy and because I don't want to go through what he did.  My only hope is to do it naturally because I am not going to a doctor unless it's an emergency.  And no it is not celery stick and carrot juice diet.  The only thing different is I don't cook grains like mac and cheese or Stove Top... unless he is here.  He is trying to make it sound as if I'm trying to starve him or my cooking all of a sudden sucks.  Not even close...well most of the time anyway.  :)  Another relevant fact is that he will eat a months worth of junk food in 3 days or less not to mention all the fast food he still ingests.  

Since I started to change how I eat, King Richard now makes a big deal about certain foods that give him heartburn which are my favorites but I still try to avoid using them for him.  Or he just complains about the way it's cooked, when it's served or how tired he is of eating something.  Cooking was a privilege I did for him that was turned into a chore that has turned back into something I like doing...  as long as he isn't here.  But the fridge is usually stocked with leftovers if he feels like serving himself... but that is often too much work for him.  King Richard would just as soon let his other friend cook for him and serve him as well... because it is easier than having to do it yourself.  He also knows how important writing and studying for me is and thinks it is another useless endeavor in my life, because I don't get paid for doing it or it takes time away from him.  But looking at it from another perspective is when King Richard became a problem that caused me to search on solutions to that problem... He knew his time would be limited before I found out just exactly what I was dealing with here.   

Which leads me to King Richard's case of rheumatoid arthritis that started a quick spiral downward in his health which caused even more problems... because he refused to deal with it in any way... except walk the halls and moan for months and alternate between soaking in the bathtub and being bed ridden.  It started when he had me take him to the emergency room for a boil on his leg after he had let it go for a long time.  Then the pain started.  He refused stuff from the Walmart... until he didn't.  He refused natural remedies... until he didn't.  He refused to go to the doctor until he finally made that first appointment.  Even then he would not follow the directions any better than before and it wasn't getting any better... in fact he kept arguing with me about the med's so bad one night while he couldn't sleep... I finally told him "We are going to do this the easy way or the hard way, but you can bet we are going to do this..."  

And King Richard was in pain but what I don't understand is this... is if he was in so much pain... why didn't he do what he needed to do or at least try it to alleviate some of the pain... sooner.  I know when I was hurting that bad with teeth problems I'd be willing to try anything for a little relief.  But not him.  He would rather make a really big deal and a whole lot of noise instead of looking for relief.  In fact during the worst part he told me and several others that when and if it got too bad he would just blow his head off and be done with it.  You know the easy way out like everything else.  And that ladies and gentlemen was the straw that broke the camels back as far as I'm concerned.  It had been 3 years since I moved in and 2 years since he had been loaned the money, we had gone through the mid life crisis and slid right into geriatric ville without even slowing down.  He was slapping on bandaids to every problem while taking care of none of them.  We were just going in circles with no end in site and this towing business was turning into A Daycare for the Dumbasses and the Disabled.  

During this time it showed me exactly what life would be like around here if he ever got disabled because he refused to prepare for anything, swearing he was living by the seat of his pants waiting on that winning lottery ticket to come in.  On the outside it looked as if he were shutting down more mentally... then physically.  He was wearing himself out over things that were of no concern to him instead of worrying about things he could do and it was catching up with him fast at this point.  I think when he realized he had crossed a line with me he knew he had went too far but instead of doing anything to deal with the problems, he continued to agitate them.  He still choose to ignore what his body was telling him and in the mean time was creating a larger mess all the way around, for everybody involved.  The only problem was I was tired of being assigned clean up duty and the never ending grunt work as well.  So once he became mobile again around September, I wrote him a letter telling him that I was calling in the loan and that it was time for him to make those arrangements.  He can now use this as an excuse to the circle of friends and employees as a reason why he cannot move the business forward any further at this time.  And he is trying to make it look like I ran out or ignored him in his time of need.  That sure worked out handy for him... didn't it? 

Another reason I am writing about it is... it hurts when you believe lies and it can effect many different things in your life when you do.  The lies I believed at first were that he really was my friend, mature enough to live and work with as well as I had earned this man respect, if nothing else.  In all actuality, he was never my friend to begin with and what I earned was a disrespect on a level I couldn't even imagine a few years ago... it is so subtle sometimes but ever present.  King Richard has respect for no one... not even you.  The lies he seemed to believe and express is that we are a couple one moment and I am nothing but an employee the next... depending on his motivation and his mood... notwithstanding facts and logic.  He also thinks that when I leave here I am leaving with more than I came with despite all evidence to the contrary.  He believes he has done me a great favor and bent over backwards for me by giving me something to do after Trey's death, so I should be grateful and "shut up".  Really... that's the way it is around here.  Conversely he has now stated that I needed something to do when I moved in... like: a) haven't I been saying so and trying to do just that and b) the real problems came when I started to do things that didn't have anything to do with him when he couldn't make up his mind and c) let's twist this all around one more time to make sure that he looks innocent in this whole situation.  Then he also says that he can see I'm not happy here and once again he has taken the words right out of my mouth...and used them as his own. 

A really important part I want to emphasize here is that King Richard has used pity against me as a reason for not telling me the truth or working with me in any way whatsoever.  He has said plenty of times that because of Trey's death he didn't want to put me through anything more... all the while telling his friends and maybe his family that it was the reason he didn't want to ask me to leave.  He didn't want to appear like the bad guy as usual so this is the way he used to do it.  Out of everything here that has been the one thing that has pissed me off to no end because I have not asked for nor wanted his pity in any way and I have been looking for the truth all my life so that excuse holds no water when it comes to his behavior.  The worst part is... it is a disgrace to Trey's memory to be used as a scapegoat for the actions of a grown man, who refuses to grow up and be a man.  It also reminds me of when he would say all those years ago... that he would die for me... for which I would tell him... it is easy to die for what you believe in, try living with it for a change.  Each of these phrases he uses are designed to make you feel like he cares for you but in reality he is manipulating you to submit.  This is not love or even friendship in any way... no matter how much you sugar coat it.  And this now brings me to the regret King Richard has for not having a family of his own.  

King Richard likes to say he wasn't blessed with a family which means someone didn't just gift wrap one and drop it on his doorstop for him ready to go.  I have watched him pretend it was a great sacrifice but in reality it was something he wasn't interested in... AT ALL.  All this closeness he desires is supposed to be about sharing ideas and real thoughts with another human being.  It cannot ever be that with him because his life is so full of him 24 hours a day... he has no room left for another person at all... friends, family or a romantic partner... real or imaginary... unless they serve him.  Which is why he resorts to pity because that's all he has left at the end of the day.   In other words he has become a full fledged hoover... someone who sucks the life out of you and this is one of the main tactics used.  It was why I told him recently that if he kept it up, he would die a lonely old man and that may well be his undoing.  I told him, I however am okay with dying alone because it sure beats being around people like him.  Fortunately those aren't my only two choices nor is it my goal because I can see a better way... even if I can't get there from here.  I also called him a shortened version of his first name as well, which seems appropriately chosen at this time.                          

There is a lot of history here and it was one of the reasons I trusted my so called friend to do the right thing at first. I had seen him do it on occasions and knew it was possible.  He really was one of the oddest men on earth and is proud of that fact.  Reading some about it here showed me that he was not so odd after all and there are many people just like him.  The correct terminology would be narcissistic personality disorder if you're interested... but I'm no doctor. We all have a touch of it but some like him are severely impaired in this department.  The potential I saw in my friend was just a mirror of what I saw in myself but he was also like a fun house mirror by reflecting my words and my dreams as if they were his own back to me and to others... without ever grasping the meaning of any of them.  His agenda was to get the little lady in here and apply the pressure until she caved... it was the whole plan it seems and petty payback is the only thing left for denying him, at this point.  Funny thing here is... it was him who has taken advantage of my kindness over the years all the while accusing me of doing the same thing.  I had forgotten one of the rules of this game is to accuse others of what you yourself are doing first, so you can win at any cost.  The term for that is called projection but when it's used to make you think you are the crazy one then it's called gaslighting.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:

* React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation - he uses deflection and denial - check

*Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals - check

*Have excessive feelings of self importance - check

*Exaggerate achievements and talents - check

*Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love - check

*Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment - check

*Needs constant attention and admiration - check

*Disregards the feelings of others and have little ability to feel empathy - check

*Have obsessive self - interest - check

*Pursue mainly selfish goals - check

Other signs you are dealing with a narcissistic person.

It was almost as if this man, I had known for 20 years had never met me before in his life... and vs/vs.  Now to watch King Richard manipulate people to give him things that he wants, such as services, money or time makes him nothing but a man in love with the power... even if he sees nothing wrong with it.  His self limitations are suffocating and he uses them to his advantage by collecting other people to do whatever is needed.  Because I respect free will and value the people I care about in my life and not just until the job is done, this insults my soul.  I wonder why it took me so long to see him for what he really is... a very disturbed character.  And his biggest regret in life will always be that car that got away... not how much damage he has caused other people.  At night he thanks Jesus for his bed and his food... not for any of the people in his life... all the while watching Joel Osteen preaching from the TV.  With King Richard if you are not kissing his butt whenever he needs it or in my case 24/7 then he simply rotates you out and rotates another one in.  I'm being rotated out as we speak because I didn't comply with the ever changing rules... but not before taking the time to cover his own ass at my expense.  I can tell when that happened because it got quiet and then things finally started to get done...   You know the ones that we discussed 3 years ago... ?  And this is why he says we butt heads.  

While this info has been bouncing around in my head for a long time, I didn't start writing it out until just after Thanksgiving 2012.  At that time I had predicted that he would try to cut my pay to the bone in January because that's what it's all about with him... control the money and control the person.  He has proved beyond a shadow doubt that he doesn't value me, my time or the amount of effort and money I have put into this business and friendship.  Hell I've been paying back an imaginary debt to this man that was created by him for this very purpose.  Cutting my pay isn't going to change the amount of effort he does except for washing his own clothes... maybe.  He will let the house get just as nasty as it was before I came and expect me to just live with it or clean up after him for free because I doubt he has hired anyone to do that lovely job.  He didn't understand that I was willing to put in as much effort as he was... but at the end of the day it has always been his choice, his business and his house.  If he tries to cut my pay he will have also made sure that it will take the longest time for me to get out of here too.  So it has cost me dearly to work for him, in so many ways...  

The Saturday before Christmas I came home from some errands and he said again that we used to be considerate of each other.  This was in reference to the fact that when I left for the vet that morning I left the gate open and his truck exposed to the zoning man should he decided to ride by.  I said yes, we used to but you have no clue how to be considerate... so I stopped.  After thinking about it for a minute I told him almost everything in this post... again and he came back with all the standard excuses that are a mainstay in his world.  I then told him I got the feeling he was fixing to do something here soon and I'd like to know what it is, especially if it concerns me at all.  He confessed he was going to cut my pay in January and put me back on a cash basis... as I thought... and I went off.  His idea of cash basis meant that I could ask for money and he would say no sooner rather than later and that means... I'd be working for free in no time flat with him.  I let him know I was going to go public to his circle of friends and family with ALL of this and you know what?... He asked what can "we" do to keep this from being a full on drama episode?  Personally I think it is a little late to be worried about that... don't you?  What he is worried about is you finding out who he really is because if that happens then he can't have any more fun at your expense... or make any money off you for starters.  That was enough for the moment to get him to rethink and continue paying me... for now.  Give him a bit I'm sure he think of something else... like this...  

Now King Richard seems focused on pretending this whole thing has been about my inability to deal with the small stuff like him filling up the trashcan is really going to make me mad.  Just like he still makes a big deal about a then $10 tub of laundry detergent when he left my house all those years ago.  Those are the things that hold importance to him... not the value of a person or situation.  He now also says that he just wanted to give me a place where I could be on my own so I could heal and again that is so far from the reality of the situation it's almost funny.  The next lie King Richard told was I am not going to talk about this latest agreement to anyone... does he really think I believe him?  And the last lie he told was I want us to part as friends.  I thought to myself you'd have to be one first and sadly because I can't trust a word this man says any more is why I am going public with all this.

You may say that I'm being way too hard on King Richard and he doesn't deserve to have this all made public?  Well King Richard choose to take this path instead of any other like leaving me out of the whole thing (save for the jobs I was doing) like I asked from the beginning or refusing the loan when I offered so I would know to plan for my dream earlier for example.  Or at that time he could have made it clear that he wasn't interested in a non sexual relationship and I'd got out of here a whole lot sooner.  Since I'm just starting to do that now it's going to be a whole lot harder for so very many reasons.  And every dollar he repays is earmarked for jobs like new teeth, supplies and final arrangements, just to name a few.  He knows this and because he willingly did everything he could do to make it as hard as he possible... he's pretty smug with himself.  And remember the old friend that borrowed the $4000 and didn't pay it all back?  Well King Richard talked so much junk about the guy for years to everyone so don't be fooled, the only reason I will be repaid the initial loan was because King Richard is afraid of the bad publicity, not understanding that was just the tip of the ice burg.  And King Richard has already made this public  and will continue to talk about this for years to come.  And to paraphrase him... at least he'll have something to talk about now.   


King Richard may tell you that he isn't smart enough to think this all out but he doesn't have to be smart... he just needs to be in control and that is the bottom line with him.  He is not big and dumb... he just doesn't care.  He had no problem asking his dad for the rest of the money to repay my loan, he's already got Sir Know it All lined up to do the paperwork and he's working on a play mate for Lily, another unfortunate soul who might be stuck here with a man who might forget she's even in the house.  King Richard takes care of King Richard and thought he could count on his dad to bail him out of this mess he created... then gloated about it in the end... after denying it all those years.  He changes his story to suit the person and the objective and not one person in his family had ever stood up to him in all the years I've known them.  They too have allowed themselves to be bullied into silence about the things that really matter and I feel sorry for them... because they feel like have no choice... at least until now...  And this one is a bit odd... well odder than normal :) When King Richard asked his dad for a loan for some reason it didn't go over very well.  Then King Richard's attitude changed into a more agreeable one with me for another bit.  But as usual that only last so long before another drama arises.   

Maybe it had something to do when King Richards' dad was so deep in grief after losing his wife of 40 years and was considering suicide King Richards' response was "What ever ya want to do?... or... Call me if you need anything." or some such nonsense.  He had to be told how cold and calculating that was before he tried to back petal on the position.  To his dad: please don't assume that he didn't tell several people about this and I hope he showed you a bit more kindness than he implied.  And to be clear this is the third time in a year and a half... men have threatened to take their own life... him, King Richard and my dad.  I mean no disrespect but I've personally had enough of all who chose to "threaten" to take the easy way out of bad situations using this as the primary way to solve the problem... when all it does it create a lot a heartache and pain for the others like me who care.  However his dad's situation was caused by deep hurt and loss, so I can truly relate to his feelings on that and there are many others in this world who really feel that it is the only choice left.  Your suffering is not lost on me but King Richard however is losing touch with every decent part of himself that makes him a human being.

It is no secret that I have wanted out of this city for a very long time.  King Richard's actions were designed to trap me here in this hell hole because it makes him happy to make others miserable.  I have asked him several times over the last 6 months to handle some of the small things around the house such as replacing a broken light in the kitchen to going to the warehouse and stocking up on meat before the prices go up in January.  He simply tells me yes to my face and then ignores it no matter how many times I mention it.  We couldn't even agree to a garden later on in February and that's something he supposedly likes doing.  He claimed I was taking it over when I asked if we could rotate the crops this year... so I've just decided to plant my own.  This childish, emotionally stunted little man has no clue that I've been dealing with people who play the game so much better than him over the years... that he doesn't have a chance in hell of winning, because I'm not playing.  I am the kind of person who can take a lot of crap but once I'm pushed into a corner, I come out fighting as if my life depends on it... because it usually does.  At this point in time I don't have anything to lose and he has everything to lose.               

I have watched this passive aggressive or covert aggression play out between my mom and dad all my life as I'm sure King Richard must have too.  He was too good otherwise and let's face it... this man has spent an ungodly amount of time focused on what I'm doing, where I'm going and what I am working on... but it also kept my attention on him even if it was negative, it was better than nothing.  That was time, energy and resources wasted that could have been spent on what he really wanted if it was important enough for him.   He wants to pretend like he has done nothing wrong and it is all in my head.  He does this for his audience and he has decided to play this part until the close of the show... you know "The Greatest Show on Earth."  He has turned everything into one big joke however inappropriate and then wonders why real people see him as a joke today.  Scott can say that he never asked for any of this and he would correct on that.  Scott does not ask for anything when it comes to matters of the heart or when it is truly important.  To ask would mean that you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection.  He can not handle rejection or failure and these are the methods he uses to avoid both of them.  When I pointed this out to him he asks what's wrong with that?  After explaining what was wrong with that he agreed but saw no reason to stop because it has worked so well for him all these years. 

Some of you more enlightened readers may see this as a form of sexual harassment and you would be right in a sense.  While others in this environment and others like it understand it is just a fact of life that women have to deal with from the time we are old enough to understand.  Working in a predominately male orientated field the sexual innuendos just become a part of the background noise to the point it is easy to tune them out with practice.  I was lucky in a sense being able to observe "the good ole boy's" in their natural environment and listen to their words and meanings behind close doors.  Sex for service has been around since before time it seems and it has taken me years to get him to see I am not for sale. I will not be controlled.  I will not be quiet about things that really matter.  The views held in this circle of friends have crossed sexual harassment, sailed right through sexual extortion and has finished at the borderline obsessed with King Richard.  But if you point this out to him he would tell you it's all a joke and he never meant any harm.  He got offended one day when I called him on this attitude and tried to say I was calling him a predator but in reality I was calling him an opportunist.  I was a hurting woman when I met this man the first time then later deeply hurt and almost broken and both times he helped me get on my feet only to try and knock me down to his level again.  To him women and all the other little people have there place and must be kept in it at all times.  It is men like these who pose as the pillars of the community who have become so perverted in their heart, yet present such a mask of sanity to the world, that have caused so much confusion and pain.       

For the record I own the fact I was the one that showed up to this bizarre friendship and it took two to get where we are today.  King Richard and I were so different and I had hoped this time around we could use the differences to balance things while working for something we both wanted... until it was time to do something different.  I was wrong and I failed.  I don't have a problem admitting that.  I have never pretended I could get through this world alone and that I didn't need help from time to time.   But I only needed help with a few things however big and not help with everything.  I was just as much a part of the problem at first because I gave him a lot of things too over the years and it has made him dependent on the kindness of others now that he is older... and he abuses that kindness with impunity.  Contrary to what he seems to believe and says, I am not better than anyone, I only wanted something different and a life I could call my own.  It was stupid on my part for trying to be friends with a drama queen hoping his dirt wouldn't be slung my way.  While he may make it seem like I contributed very little to his cause, I know I gave a great deal because it was almost everything I had at that moment in time and I'm talking about effort more than money.  Living with him the second time around has helped me see that the young girl I was.. was not so dumb after all and for that I am really thankful... but I am still tough because life has made me that way.  This experience has taught me so much about myself and my own issues with my family that it was worth it.  It was almost like a test from the universe and I can only hope I've learned this lesson so I can leave it here.   

I need to stop helping people who do nothing but help themselves... even if they do look like the kinda guy that would give the shirt off his back to help you... It doesn't mean that you'll be able to trust that person when it gets real deep.  Lesson learned and now I can spend more time doing the important things... you know... like life?   And as I said earlier about making him feel uncomfortable in his own home... it is because he isn't used to the truth being told so plainly nor is he used to people who stand up to the bullying tactics of systematic harassment like I have... and he wouldn't have it any other way... which is a damn good thing at this point!  In fact King Richard said it was nice to see some fire in my eyes finally but he misses the obvious that it's not fire... it is disgust at his behavior and he should be really thankful he has not set the fire a blaze within me.  That is the last thing he wants to do... or is it?   

And the answer to this question happened on May 8th 2013.  The answer was yes King Richard wants to start the fire within me and he has succeeded.  He finished repaying the money only a month ago and now states I need to leave within 4 - 6 months and I can't park my camper here after stating it was okay.  He says the reason is I don't value him and that is true enough because I lost all respect for this man a long time ago.  He also says he will stop paying me any money because I told him I need to save up the rest of the money so I can trade my SUV in for a truck that will pull the camper.  But the excuse I got was he was finally going to move into an office and there would be no need for me after that.  It took me over two years of sacrificing for this company and for this one sided friendship and I was going to take my time in leaving because I am not doing short cuts nor will I take advantage of my friends like him.  If King Richard wants to turn this into a war and keep placing even more obstacles in my way than he already has or think he can he can railroad me then maybe he is going to find out how wrong he is... (at the time I was debating on whether or not I really wanted to lower myself to his level and struggled with... do I stay and fight or do I move on and try to recover from this because I do believe in karma.  The answer to this debate will be detailed in the final post.)  Is this what I want?  Absolutely not but this is what he wants.  We are all disposable to him and in his own words... it is just business.          

So how do I feel about all this?  I was frustrated for a long time and have been down right mad at times but now I'm just sad that this has all been made much more difficult because it was unnecessary.  I feel like I was used and I let myself be used.  I feel like I've spent so much time looking up to the wrong people and when I finally get a good look at who they are... I'm disappointed which is nothing new, but why do I keep gravitating toward these hurtful types?  I feel ashamed that I have let this go on as long as I have because the signs where there.  Even understanding that the truth with him was deliberately hidden from me until he realized he wasn't going to get what he wanted and only then did I meet the real man underneath... doesn't help much.  I now know I should have just stayed in my own home and waited out the foreclosure if all else failed.  And finally... I feel a sense of hope for the future... for a life without him and others just like him. :)  By taking the time to study him and then do the research, it has made it a little easier to spot the next problematic individual who comes around... I hope. 

Seeing this all laid out in this order has helped me so very much to understand that I was not the only common denominator in many of the past relationships with other friends over the years.  No... the other half of the hidden story was King Richard being around during many of these times and people in my life, detailed in this blog and I can't help but wonder just what did he do or say to any of MY friends, family or lovers that would have caused undue controversy just to agitate the situation because he was bored?  If I trusted him, I'm sure the people in my life did too just based on that fact alone and told him many personal details that could then be spread and used at just the right time.  As a last foot note to this story of another ending, I had to let my friend Spunky go because she couldn't see that King Richard was pumping her for information whether it was offered up or not.  Then using that information to divide and conquer just like the old days.  Like he did with Ariel.  It is the last relationship this man will corrupt because problems like this follow King Richard like a mushroom after a rain, found in a cow pasture... to borrow a quote from a very wise woman.  No matter the outcome at this point in time I will continue to use the truth to confront the lies no matter how close and personal they are.  It's all I have left in this world that really means something to me.  So now that I got his issues worked out maybe I can get back to mine... and for the ones who love him, I'll leave this boy with you... I know he "appreciates ya." 

"Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Narcissist

•Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to explain their actions
•Accuse and blame to divert attention away from themselves
•Refuse to accept the perspective of others while irrationally defending their own positions
•Withhold information in areas affecting the lives of those they are abusing - it give them the control to manipulate future events.
•Avoid acknowledging the feelings of others, yet will often bring up how their emotions are being effected
•Slight or take digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner, allowing the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
•Change the subject to divert attention from themselves
•Make others feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser.
•Threaten or hint of physical, mental or sexual abuse
•Deny anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
•Show inappropriate emotional out bursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
•Try and control others to domineer and limit freedom or expression
•Forget commitments and promises.
•Deny success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser.
•Take advantage of vulnerabilities using shame, guilt or fear
•The actions and promises are out of alignment. They say one thing and do another
•Only be nice when all other options have been removed, when they feel they are trapped into a corner
•Cut someone off so they are not allowed to speak. Suppressing self-expression.
•Look to eliminate the choices of others, while gathering control for themselves
•Ask inappropriate questions or make insinuating comments to evoke emotional responses
•Humiliate others in public situations to show their superiority
•Keep pushing buttons and activating places of sensitivity

•Pretend to understand concerns and then disregarding them
•Slander the name, reputation, associations or activities of those they can’t control"

"Because the narcissistic abuser suffers from internal discomfort and conflicts they don’t know how to address, no amount of logic, submissiveness or kindness will be enough to compensate or satisfy their insecurities.
They are not seeking to understand or respect others because they do not fully understand or respect themselves. They hide from their own weaknesses by trying to make others weak. They can’t control their own emotions, so they look to control others.

While they may have some positive qualities, they hold toxic and unrealistic expectations which cannot be met by ANYONE. Those who try to meet these expectations will end up feeling like a failure because it is a game they cannot win."

" The Dunning - Kruger effect is the finding that the poorest performers are the least aware of their own incompetence.  The reason seems to be that poor performers fail to learn from their mistakes.  The proposed solution is that the incompetent should be directly told they are incompetent.  Unfortunately the problem is that incompetent people have probably been getting this type of feedback for years and failed to take much notice because they can't.  Despite failing exams, messing up at work and irritating other people, the incompetent still don't believe they're incompetent.  One reason for this, proposed by the researchers, is that the skills required for competence often are the same skills necessary to recognize competence." 

" People convince themselves of their own lies, becoming victims of their own inventions as they begin to direct their lives by standards of behavior, ideas, feelings, or instincts which do not correspond to their inner reality.  What is truly serious in this matter is that the individual loses all points of reference regarding what comprises truth and what comprises lies.  He becomes used to considering as true only that which is convenient for his personal interest; everything that is in opposition to his self-esteem or in conflict with already established prejudices, he considers false."    ~ John Baines 

"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.  They don't mean to do harm; but the harm does not interest them.  Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves"  ~ T.S. Elliot

"Enlightenment is a destructive process.  It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier.  Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth.  It's seeing through the facade of pretence.  It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true."                      ~ Adyashanti

"Truth is simple and unconcealed, while falsehood is complex, deeply hidden, proud and its fictitious worldly knowledge, seemingly a glitter with godly luster, is often mistaken for divine wisdom."   ~ Fulcanielli 

14.  >>>>> The End of the Story