For some it may be hard to imagine life remaining single in a world where we feel desperate to find a mate but it happens more often these days. I know I have tried to have several relationships over the years that didn't work out for one reason or another and yes I realize the common denominator was me. It was funny though to watch how fast a guy could get away when the inevitable question of what do you do for a living came up. It seems women have learned how to be an investigator when it comes to their man's activities and men sure don't want to date a professional PI. The few that didn't run where the ones I wish that had.
While it didn't start out that way, I do have a deep appreciation of marriage... even if I don't respect those who are in the marriage. When I married Trey's dad I did so because I wanted him to have a link back to his dad and their side of the family. Now I was 7 months pregnant when we were married and after I had Trey, it seemed like I returned to my senses. I tried one last time to get Trey's dad to understand it was time to grow up and when that didn't happen I told him I was done. Period. Once I make the decision there is no going back but it took a while for him to realize this. Because I started dating Marvelous right after it really made a bad situation worse. Sure I could have handled it better but I was tired of handling everything alone so I did the next best thing... at least in my mind. Also I would never knowingly date a married man or one that was involved with another women. It's not only plain wrong but it is a serious waste of time, energy and often times the best part of you. As for Marvelous, I tried to understand him but after 16 off and on years I gave up and it took many times to make him understand I am done. And then there was of course Willie who seemed like he had the most promise and that still fell flatter than a 2 day old open can of cola.
Any relationships are complicated in the world today but dating and looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with can test even the most romantic of people. And the games that are played with each other are just a fact of life. I had one tell me one time...Don't hate the player... hate the game. I looked right at him and said the game wasn't being played here until YOU showed up so I will hate the player if you don't mind. If you don't want to be in a serious relationship then don't. Why get married or have a long term relationship and have others on the side? It seems so simple in theory but in practice it is apparently a difficult concept for some people to get. My dear friend told me once he was looking for a wife that liked to cook, clean and take care of the house. I laughed and said sorry dude they don't make those models any more. He asked why not? I said because too many of your predecessors returned them to exchange them for younger models that were freaks in the bed. The original models are now being discontinued and are obsolete. And I must be honest when I was 20 a guy standing in his underwear was sexy where as now a guy doing his own underwear in the laundry is sexy so I am not sure how those two ends would ever meet.
I stopped pretending to care a long time ago about trivial things and looked for someone out there who was able to do the same... with no luck. There were so many things of importance to talk about or discover and I wanted someone who was up to the challenge of being a partner in every sense of the word. If you have read any of the previous post you know some of how I feel about the world but it is very hard to find intellectual stimulation in a sea of shallowness where instant gratification is king. I am not saying they aren't out there... I am saying that the chances of me meeting a person like that were slim to none. I have a gift of attracting some of the weirdest men on earth (at least in these parts) and knew my type was tall, dark and full of it. So I gave up on my type because they were not conducive for anything stable.
As you read through the stories of my life if you are interested that is you will see that I have worked at several bars over the years and hung out in many more playing pool with the guys to clubbing with the girls. I am much better with the former than the latter though because of my awkwardness but when I was younger I would push myself to try new experiences. That did not always include dealings with the opposite sex though because after Trey was born I knew I had to be careful of what and who was around him. Working in bars really gives you an insight into peoples personalities without having to take it all home with you at night. Bars are drama magnets for the walking wounded and made doing the actual job seem like a cake walk compared to dealing with people. And this business of swapping partners every so often baffled me because the swaps were almost equal to what they traded for. If you are looking for people with maturing capabilities at a bar, then you are in the wrong place indeed. I am not saying they didn't come in there, I am saying they usually didn't stay.
I have met people from all over the place doing many things other than going to bars however but no one who really took the time to know me. I had wasted enough time with guys like that and decided that I'd stick to that plan. I have known for a long while that I am a difficult person for some and for others down right impossible. I will not apologize because I grew and keep growing as a human, even if I still do fall down from time to time. Later another disturbing thing I noticed is that when I wasn't interested in anything serious from a guy then they would ultimately pursue me even more intently. I'm not hot, playing hard to get or interested. Period. Some reminded me of lost little puppies and others full on psychos. It seems you can't win for losing sometimes in the dating game. It really became boring and a chore. It was sad to go to the local bar around here for the older folks and watch just how desperate some of the men or women were just to hook up for the night hoping it would maybe turn into something serious. While working a few hours at that same bar to help out my neighbor and bartender I got to know a lot of them personally. I also like to dance a little especially if I had a few drinks and just have a little fun. In a meat market type setting it is harder than you may think to do that.
To tell how rusty I was in the market one night a group of ladies I knew from another country bar came in and we had a wonderful time catching up. The 4 of us got up and danced a few songs over the night and toward the end of the night there was another girl who was a regular that came up and started to dance with us. No big deal or so I thought. She did come a little close to me a few times and had a few drinks too but I wasn't paying that much attention. The song ended, we all went back to the table and later I was talking to one of the bouncers and they let me know that the last girl was interested in me?!? I had no clue because it wasn't that overt and I am not the type to pick up on the subtleties of attraction... from either sex apparently. In fact for me to even know you are interested you would have to come right out and say it one way or another. Yes sometimes I can be that dense but I like clarity and if you aren't clear I ain't paying attention.
It took a while but I finally came to a point where I like who I am and prefer to just be by myself. Things are simpler and to be completely honest I just don't have anything left to give another person in a relationship. It takes two to make one work and one sided relationships never work out. It's not just about having independence to do what I want, when but it is about much needed peace in my life that I have worked hard to get this far. I spent years doing many things for people that didn't care about returning the favor. Now I spend a lot of time reading and writing and those are two things that can easily be accomplished alone. I don't get cold in the winter because I have an electric blanket and two dogs to keep me warm and in good company. In fact I wondered why I didn't get a dog sooner. They are always happy to see me when I come home and that is the best feeling I could ever ask for. My roommate is a guy and we have a pretty good relationship so it is like having the best of both worlds, for both of us right now in our life. I might meet Mr. Right one day... probably at the nursing home in line at the cafeteria right after I win the lottery, solve world hunger then world peace but until then I will remain comfortable single.
While it didn't start out that way, I do have a deep appreciation of marriage... even if I don't respect those who are in the marriage. When I married Trey's dad I did so because I wanted him to have a link back to his dad and their side of the family. Now I was 7 months pregnant when we were married and after I had Trey, it seemed like I returned to my senses. I tried one last time to get Trey's dad to understand it was time to grow up and when that didn't happen I told him I was done. Period. Once I make the decision there is no going back but it took a while for him to realize this. Because I started dating Marvelous right after it really made a bad situation worse. Sure I could have handled it better but I was tired of handling everything alone so I did the next best thing... at least in my mind. Also I would never knowingly date a married man or one that was involved with another women. It's not only plain wrong but it is a serious waste of time, energy and often times the best part of you. As for Marvelous, I tried to understand him but after 16 off and on years I gave up and it took many times to make him understand I am done. And then there was of course Willie who seemed like he had the most promise and that still fell flatter than a 2 day old open can of cola.
Any relationships are complicated in the world today but dating and looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with can test even the most romantic of people. And the games that are played with each other are just a fact of life. I had one tell me one time...Don't hate the player... hate the game. I looked right at him and said the game wasn't being played here until YOU showed up so I will hate the player if you don't mind. If you don't want to be in a serious relationship then don't. Why get married or have a long term relationship and have others on the side? It seems so simple in theory but in practice it is apparently a difficult concept for some people to get. My dear friend told me once he was looking for a wife that liked to cook, clean and take care of the house. I laughed and said sorry dude they don't make those models any more. He asked why not? I said because too many of your predecessors returned them to exchange them for younger models that were freaks in the bed. The original models are now being discontinued and are obsolete. And I must be honest when I was 20 a guy standing in his underwear was sexy where as now a guy doing his own underwear in the laundry is sexy so I am not sure how those two ends would ever meet.
I stopped pretending to care a long time ago about trivial things and looked for someone out there who was able to do the same... with no luck. There were so many things of importance to talk about or discover and I wanted someone who was up to the challenge of being a partner in every sense of the word. If you have read any of the previous post you know some of how I feel about the world but it is very hard to find intellectual stimulation in a sea of shallowness where instant gratification is king. I am not saying they aren't out there... I am saying that the chances of me meeting a person like that were slim to none. I have a gift of attracting some of the weirdest men on earth (at least in these parts) and knew my type was tall, dark and full of it. So I gave up on my type because they were not conducive for anything stable.
As you read through the stories of my life if you are interested that is you will see that I have worked at several bars over the years and hung out in many more playing pool with the guys to clubbing with the girls. I am much better with the former than the latter though because of my awkwardness but when I was younger I would push myself to try new experiences. That did not always include dealings with the opposite sex though because after Trey was born I knew I had to be careful of what and who was around him. Working in bars really gives you an insight into peoples personalities without having to take it all home with you at night. Bars are drama magnets for the walking wounded and made doing the actual job seem like a cake walk compared to dealing with people. And this business of swapping partners every so often baffled me because the swaps were almost equal to what they traded for. If you are looking for people with maturing capabilities at a bar, then you are in the wrong place indeed. I am not saying they didn't come in there, I am saying they usually didn't stay.
I have met people from all over the place doing many things other than going to bars however but no one who really took the time to know me. I had wasted enough time with guys like that and decided that I'd stick to that plan. I have known for a long while that I am a difficult person for some and for others down right impossible. I will not apologize because I grew and keep growing as a human, even if I still do fall down from time to time. Later another disturbing thing I noticed is that when I wasn't interested in anything serious from a guy then they would ultimately pursue me even more intently. I'm not hot, playing hard to get or interested. Period. Some reminded me of lost little puppies and others full on psychos. It seems you can't win for losing sometimes in the dating game. It really became boring and a chore. It was sad to go to the local bar around here for the older folks and watch just how desperate some of the men or women were just to hook up for the night hoping it would maybe turn into something serious. While working a few hours at that same bar to help out my neighbor and bartender I got to know a lot of them personally. I also like to dance a little especially if I had a few drinks and just have a little fun. In a meat market type setting it is harder than you may think to do that.
To tell how rusty I was in the market one night a group of ladies I knew from another country bar came in and we had a wonderful time catching up. The 4 of us got up and danced a few songs over the night and toward the end of the night there was another girl who was a regular that came up and started to dance with us. No big deal or so I thought. She did come a little close to me a few times and had a few drinks too but I wasn't paying that much attention. The song ended, we all went back to the table and later I was talking to one of the bouncers and they let me know that the last girl was interested in me?!? I had no clue because it wasn't that overt and I am not the type to pick up on the subtleties of attraction... from either sex apparently. In fact for me to even know you are interested you would have to come right out and say it one way or another. Yes sometimes I can be that dense but I like clarity and if you aren't clear I ain't paying attention.
It took a while but I finally came to a point where I like who I am and prefer to just be by myself. Things are simpler and to be completely honest I just don't have anything left to give another person in a relationship. It takes two to make one work and one sided relationships never work out. It's not just about having independence to do what I want, when but it is about much needed peace in my life that I have worked hard to get this far. I spent years doing many things for people that didn't care about returning the favor. Now I spend a lot of time reading and writing and those are two things that can easily be accomplished alone. I don't get cold in the winter because I have an electric blanket and two dogs to keep me warm and in good company. In fact I wondered why I didn't get a dog sooner. They are always happy to see me when I come home and that is the best feeling I could ever ask for. My roommate is a guy and we have a pretty good relationship so it is like having the best of both worlds, for both of us right now in our life. I might meet Mr. Right one day... probably at the nursing home in line at the cafeteria right after I win the lottery, solve world hunger then world peace but until then I will remain comfortable single.
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