1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
We all have done some of these things at one time or another to one degree or another. If you are looking for a signed dated confession of all my sins then I am sorry to inform you... it ain't happening because I do not want to be featured on World Dumbest Criminals. ;) Even if the statues of limitations have long run out, I am old enough to know better and to be honest I have experienced karma in person and have paid high prices. I can only hope to have repaid it all and try my hardest not to incur any more but life has a way of handling it's own. I do remember being young and observing the adults tell white lies to other adults. Some I could tell up front that they were lies and others didn't reveal themselves until later. I am talking small lies designed to spare another persons feelings such as... I like that outfit you are wearing to... no I can't go fishing, I have to work. When heard by themselves they are harmless I guess but if lies along these lines are heard regularly to any young person... they notice. And kids pick up from their parents more than they think possible sometimes.
Now having said all that I need to make a few things clear. Although I'm sure my parents did the best they could with what they had to work with, I still had a weird childhood. Mom was more than strict and the running joke for years was that she would give ANY Master Drill Sargent a run for their money. I know as a small child she scared the hell out of me and much later I found out that my child hood friends felt the same about her. ;) If you talk to mom today she is right proud of that too! I also had a third grade teacher from hell and I spent more time in the back room getting paddled because I got to the point of not even bothering to listen to her because she was mean just for the sport of it! Well as I got older I found that lying was easier when it came to avoiding punishment and was bad to lie just to get out of the house. This one night I snuck out to meet my childhood friend Trixie from across the street so we could go walking at 12 or 1am and I got caught coming back in through the window by dad and he had a cow! I think I was grounded from age 12 - 16 and back then there was nothing but the 4 walls and a book if I was lucky. Occasionally I would even steal things from the store and got caught a few times. I had rationalized it in my head as stores were not people, so it was okay to take what you need since they had way more money than I did. But stealing is stealing no matter the rational.
The neighbors to my parents back then were also known to be a fence and it was pretty easy to spot the activity over the years. My dad was in the military with their son who later died but I didn't find out for a long time that they knew my dad way before he was my dad. Of course there was a lot that my dad never told me about his family and the information has been sparse over the years. Well the neighbors had their granddaughter living with them who was about 3 years younger than me and while she has grown into a lovely women, she was a pure brat growing up. She would follow us around and if we ditched her, she would steal our stuff! I spent many times arguing with her pops and wasn't afraid to tell him to kiss my ass even at 11. They would call my mom all the time and finally mom just told them... she didn't want to hear about it any more. That was huge as far as I was concerned because that was out of character for her. My other childhood friend and I had to deal with bullies because our last names were odd but over time I had learned to fight back. So when my bratty neighbor made it to the age of riding the bus I did do my best to protect her from the worst of them but if it was just the normal teasing I would let it go... well she was still a brat! She ended up with the same third grade teacher but she had it even worse than I did.
I also lied to people at school because I didn't like who I was and wanted desperately to be someone else. It's hard to be cool when your mom shows up at school to pick you up in the green bat mobile... and you're not even there!. I skipped so much school that most of the people I went to high school with don't even remember me... but they remember her! Sometimes when we were skipping we would walk away from a lunch tab or steal a few items from the mall. Well this one summer I think I was 13 or so and knew mom took a bath like clock work everyday. I was so bored that day I got the nerve to swipe moms car keys and take it for a spin around the block. I got back home in time and replaced the keys... no problem... everything was great. I did it again on the second day with no problems but then the third day was a disaster. I had gotten a little bolder and driven further down the road when I passed this car with a woman wearing big sunglasses, who had her head wrapped up and was beeping the horn. I passed her by and just thought humph... crazy old lady driver and headed back toward the house. Before getting close to home I passed this same crazy woman again still beeping the horn and looking pretty mad because she was talking and motioning with her hands. I thought I better get out of there and turned on a gravel road but she turned around and made the same turn too. That's when I saw the cigarette in her hand and KNEW who it was. See mom smoked those Eve 120's which were those really long and skinny cigarettes and she had one of those in her hand as she made that turn... and I knew I was busted beyond all get out at that point. She had borrowed the neighbors car when she went to check on the pot roast in the oven and looked out to see her car was gone. Damn pot roast!
Later after I moved out and at times living on the street I stole for food and gas. I am not proud of that but I understand surviving is often not pretty or even moral sometimes. And later again after I started to get on my feet I still continued to steal a few things because I was stupid. Now there were a lot of factors at the time and one was the crowd I was in. I am not blaming them at all for my actions but just want you to know that I was susceptible to group think at that time. In most people lives there comes a time when you realize that you suck as a person and that came for me after having Trey. Breaking away from my then husband and friends was the only way I could start to do that. I was having a really tough time with the hypocrisy of certain individuals and had to step back to see it in myself. I was tired of lying to myself about many things and the changes inside were coming out making it harder for them to understand me. I hate double standards and have really tried to keep mine in check. But it took a few more years to sort out why I did the things I did and decided I was going to stop lying to people about any and everything. Up until that point in life people vaguely listened to me or at least I thought they did. When I was lying about who I really was inside people listened but when I started to tell them the truth it was almost like I was speaking a foreign language. The truth was I have a conscience and it had been eating at me for a while. As I wrote in Marvelous Mistakes and other previous post you can probably surmise the karmatic debt that I must have felt needed to be repaid. I also want to say I am sorry to anyone that I have ever hurt in any capacity and humbly ask for your forgiveness.
The one thing I have tried hard to not do is lie to myself or my son about things especially if they are of great importance. I am usually hypercritical of myself and I am just as much a smart ass in my head to myself, as I am out loud. While I have stated the bad things I am responsible for I never intended to hurt anyone because I know how it feels. But I am human and sometimes don't see what is right in my face until it either blows up in my face or someone brings it to my attention... and believe me there has been no shortage of those. Despite all of my experiences I knew I wanted to make something of this life I had and so when I did take a Walk on the Wild Side with the Lunatic Fringe, I tried to stay near the edge. The risks I took were more to learn or get a leg up. Both of those still comes with a high price sometimes even if you can't see them right that moment. And yes lying by omission is still lying. I am talking about that one critical detail that fills in the rest of the picture when you are talking to another. I have since termed those handy bit's of information simply because they would have been handy to actually have when it was needed and not after the opportunity has passed. I've been guilty of that on occasion because I didn't want to give someone more ammunition to use against me but for the most part I am a pretty open person. To me having freedom meant not having to lie about what I thought was important, who I was and where I wanted to go. At least that's what I thought but again I would find out how wrong I was.
Lying is woven into the fabric of our lives and the more we give it a voice the more it will consume us. I know in relation to what is going on in the world today my sins may not seem so big in the face of the wall street bankers or even the wars in the middle east but each and every one contributed to chaos of the world in it's own way. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and the circle is reflected right back to the starting point. We start off lying to our kids about things like Santa and the Easter bunny, then on to fairy tales or hero flicks. We tell our kids they will be fine and find out all to late how wrong we can be. And if you turn on the TV then you have opened up a whole new world of lies and even though you tell your kids that most of it is make believe... it still looks so real and believable that kids stop believing what YOU say.
Everyone seems to be worried about what others will say about them and that causes them to put on a front when talking to them. When people ask how are you? Most of my experiences has taught me that they are looking for a one word answer such as fine, so that they can continue on with their busy day without having to actually care. Every things fine... no need to worry about anything. I was guilty of doing the same thing when I ran into a girl I went to high school with while I was trying to serve a paper somewhere several years ago. How do you sum up a life time of events in a few brief words without sounding like you have made the whole thing up? In my life it changes from moment to moment sometimes and what may be true one day is totally over and done with the next. The lies we also tell our love interests are designed to put forth the best face but after a few months or so when the facade falls and we met the real them (vs/vs) for the first time, we or they seem shocked! Why is that? Why is it so hard to understand lying is universal and it has been passed down from generations. In fact our whole world seems to be built on lies and half truths and it has turned each and every one of us against each other. Some people have very complex belief systems based on pure lies and yet to take the time to look for the truth whether it be inside or outside is beyond them.
Lies are easy to believe because they sound so good or seem to solve many problems but that is only for the moment. Because so many have taken the easy way of doing things we have built this society to reward cheaters and thieves and yet punish people who try and reveal any truth. The world outside has gotten so ugly now that it is hard for even the most naive person not to see how the pervasiveness of psychopathic tendencies have invaded our thought process and our empathy toward one another. We must learn to recognize who the true psychopaths are and segregate them from our world because our survival depends on it. What blows my mind the most, is that we as humans don't seem to learn much from our life or history itself and keep on repeating the same things over and over again which is the very definition of insanity. While I made bad choices I did take a step back and took a hard look at me and discovered most of the lies I lived with ultimately hurt me and some of who I cared about... no matter who uttered them. Becoming a PI was my way of trying to find out just what was the truth but in the end it taught me little about how to avoid being lied to. That, I found out on my own and the secret is... stop asking liars questions. Stop relying on answers from others and start searching for them yourself. If enough people can change their intent to one of compassion and understanding while still using their brains only then can we start rebuilding this world to be a better place one person at a time. It's In The Way That You Use It that counts the most!
5. Power of You >>>>>
http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar.html
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/236940-Harsh-discipline-fosters-dishonesty-in-young-children
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
We all have done some of these things at one time or another to one degree or another. If you are looking for a signed dated confession of all my sins then I am sorry to inform you... it ain't happening because I do not want to be featured on World Dumbest Criminals. ;) Even if the statues of limitations have long run out, I am old enough to know better and to be honest I have experienced karma in person and have paid high prices. I can only hope to have repaid it all and try my hardest not to incur any more but life has a way of handling it's own. I do remember being young and observing the adults tell white lies to other adults. Some I could tell up front that they were lies and others didn't reveal themselves until later. I am talking small lies designed to spare another persons feelings such as... I like that outfit you are wearing to... no I can't go fishing, I have to work. When heard by themselves they are harmless I guess but if lies along these lines are heard regularly to any young person... they notice. And kids pick up from their parents more than they think possible sometimes.
Now having said all that I need to make a few things clear. Although I'm sure my parents did the best they could with what they had to work with, I still had a weird childhood. Mom was more than strict and the running joke for years was that she would give ANY Master Drill Sargent a run for their money. I know as a small child she scared the hell out of me and much later I found out that my child hood friends felt the same about her. ;) If you talk to mom today she is right proud of that too! I also had a third grade teacher from hell and I spent more time in the back room getting paddled because I got to the point of not even bothering to listen to her because she was mean just for the sport of it! Well as I got older I found that lying was easier when it came to avoiding punishment and was bad to lie just to get out of the house. This one night I snuck out to meet my childhood friend Trixie from across the street so we could go walking at 12 or 1am and I got caught coming back in through the window by dad and he had a cow! I think I was grounded from age 12 - 16 and back then there was nothing but the 4 walls and a book if I was lucky. Occasionally I would even steal things from the store and got caught a few times. I had rationalized it in my head as stores were not people, so it was okay to take what you need since they had way more money than I did. But stealing is stealing no matter the rational.
The neighbors to my parents back then were also known to be a fence and it was pretty easy to spot the activity over the years. My dad was in the military with their son who later died but I didn't find out for a long time that they knew my dad way before he was my dad. Of course there was a lot that my dad never told me about his family and the information has been sparse over the years. Well the neighbors had their granddaughter living with them who was about 3 years younger than me and while she has grown into a lovely women, she was a pure brat growing up. She would follow us around and if we ditched her, she would steal our stuff! I spent many times arguing with her pops and wasn't afraid to tell him to kiss my ass even at 11. They would call my mom all the time and finally mom just told them... she didn't want to hear about it any more. That was huge as far as I was concerned because that was out of character for her. My other childhood friend and I had to deal with bullies because our last names were odd but over time I had learned to fight back. So when my bratty neighbor made it to the age of riding the bus I did do my best to protect her from the worst of them but if it was just the normal teasing I would let it go... well she was still a brat! She ended up with the same third grade teacher but she had it even worse than I did.
I also lied to people at school because I didn't like who I was and wanted desperately to be someone else. It's hard to be cool when your mom shows up at school to pick you up in the green bat mobile... and you're not even there!. I skipped so much school that most of the people I went to high school with don't even remember me... but they remember her! Sometimes when we were skipping we would walk away from a lunch tab or steal a few items from the mall. Well this one summer I think I was 13 or so and knew mom took a bath like clock work everyday. I was so bored that day I got the nerve to swipe moms car keys and take it for a spin around the block. I got back home in time and replaced the keys... no problem... everything was great. I did it again on the second day with no problems but then the third day was a disaster. I had gotten a little bolder and driven further down the road when I passed this car with a woman wearing big sunglasses, who had her head wrapped up and was beeping the horn. I passed her by and just thought humph... crazy old lady driver and headed back toward the house. Before getting close to home I passed this same crazy woman again still beeping the horn and looking pretty mad because she was talking and motioning with her hands. I thought I better get out of there and turned on a gravel road but she turned around and made the same turn too. That's when I saw the cigarette in her hand and KNEW who it was. See mom smoked those Eve 120's which were those really long and skinny cigarettes and she had one of those in her hand as she made that turn... and I knew I was busted beyond all get out at that point. She had borrowed the neighbors car when she went to check on the pot roast in the oven and looked out to see her car was gone. Damn pot roast!
Later after I moved out and at times living on the street I stole for food and gas. I am not proud of that but I understand surviving is often not pretty or even moral sometimes. And later again after I started to get on my feet I still continued to steal a few things because I was stupid. Now there were a lot of factors at the time and one was the crowd I was in. I am not blaming them at all for my actions but just want you to know that I was susceptible to group think at that time. In most people lives there comes a time when you realize that you suck as a person and that came for me after having Trey. Breaking away from my then husband and friends was the only way I could start to do that. I was having a really tough time with the hypocrisy of certain individuals and had to step back to see it in myself. I was tired of lying to myself about many things and the changes inside were coming out making it harder for them to understand me. I hate double standards and have really tried to keep mine in check. But it took a few more years to sort out why I did the things I did and decided I was going to stop lying to people about any and everything. Up until that point in life people vaguely listened to me or at least I thought they did. When I was lying about who I really was inside people listened but when I started to tell them the truth it was almost like I was speaking a foreign language. The truth was I have a conscience and it had been eating at me for a while. As I wrote in Marvelous Mistakes and other previous post you can probably surmise the karmatic debt that I must have felt needed to be repaid. I also want to say I am sorry to anyone that I have ever hurt in any capacity and humbly ask for your forgiveness.
The one thing I have tried hard to not do is lie to myself or my son about things especially if they are of great importance. I am usually hypercritical of myself and I am just as much a smart ass in my head to myself, as I am out loud. While I have stated the bad things I am responsible for I never intended to hurt anyone because I know how it feels. But I am human and sometimes don't see what is right in my face until it either blows up in my face or someone brings it to my attention... and believe me there has been no shortage of those. Despite all of my experiences I knew I wanted to make something of this life I had and so when I did take a Walk on the Wild Side with the Lunatic Fringe, I tried to stay near the edge. The risks I took were more to learn or get a leg up. Both of those still comes with a high price sometimes even if you can't see them right that moment. And yes lying by omission is still lying. I am talking about that one critical detail that fills in the rest of the picture when you are talking to another. I have since termed those handy bit's of information simply because they would have been handy to actually have when it was needed and not after the opportunity has passed. I've been guilty of that on occasion because I didn't want to give someone more ammunition to use against me but for the most part I am a pretty open person. To me having freedom meant not having to lie about what I thought was important, who I was and where I wanted to go. At least that's what I thought but again I would find out how wrong I was.
Lying is woven into the fabric of our lives and the more we give it a voice the more it will consume us. I know in relation to what is going on in the world today my sins may not seem so big in the face of the wall street bankers or even the wars in the middle east but each and every one contributed to chaos of the world in it's own way. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and the circle is reflected right back to the starting point. We start off lying to our kids about things like Santa and the Easter bunny, then on to fairy tales or hero flicks. We tell our kids they will be fine and find out all to late how wrong we can be. And if you turn on the TV then you have opened up a whole new world of lies and even though you tell your kids that most of it is make believe... it still looks so real and believable that kids stop believing what YOU say.
Everyone seems to be worried about what others will say about them and that causes them to put on a front when talking to them. When people ask how are you? Most of my experiences has taught me that they are looking for a one word answer such as fine, so that they can continue on with their busy day without having to actually care. Every things fine... no need to worry about anything. I was guilty of doing the same thing when I ran into a girl I went to high school with while I was trying to serve a paper somewhere several years ago. How do you sum up a life time of events in a few brief words without sounding like you have made the whole thing up? In my life it changes from moment to moment sometimes and what may be true one day is totally over and done with the next. The lies we also tell our love interests are designed to put forth the best face but after a few months or so when the facade falls and we met the real them (vs/vs) for the first time, we or they seem shocked! Why is that? Why is it so hard to understand lying is universal and it has been passed down from generations. In fact our whole world seems to be built on lies and half truths and it has turned each and every one of us against each other. Some people have very complex belief systems based on pure lies and yet to take the time to look for the truth whether it be inside or outside is beyond them.
Lies are easy to believe because they sound so good or seem to solve many problems but that is only for the moment. Because so many have taken the easy way of doing things we have built this society to reward cheaters and thieves and yet punish people who try and reveal any truth. The world outside has gotten so ugly now that it is hard for even the most naive person not to see how the pervasiveness of psychopathic tendencies have invaded our thought process and our empathy toward one another. We must learn to recognize who the true psychopaths are and segregate them from our world because our survival depends on it. What blows my mind the most, is that we as humans don't seem to learn much from our life or history itself and keep on repeating the same things over and over again which is the very definition of insanity. While I made bad choices I did take a step back and took a hard look at me and discovered most of the lies I lived with ultimately hurt me and some of who I cared about... no matter who uttered them. Becoming a PI was my way of trying to find out just what was the truth but in the end it taught me little about how to avoid being lied to. That, I found out on my own and the secret is... stop asking liars questions. Stop relying on answers from others and start searching for them yourself. If enough people can change their intent to one of compassion and understanding while still using their brains only then can we start rebuilding this world to be a better place one person at a time. It's In The Way That You Use It that counts the most!
5. Power of You >>>>>
http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar.html
http://www.sott.net/articles/show/236940-Harsh-discipline-fosters-dishonesty-in-young-children
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