1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy, 4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
I have seen the word lazy thrown around a lot and I resemble that! I have never been a ball of fire by any means and like to conserve my energy whenever possible. On the other side of the coin I don't expect to be taken care of and know that it is up to me to do the job. So if I can find a way to do something easier and better, I am all about. Practicing and enhancing these techniques over the years has helped me do more using my own natural rhythm and I am pretty sure that it doesn't fit into a normal pattern. Like many others though I found myself wishing there were more hours in the day the older I got. Just keeping up with the dishes, laundry and the trash after working a full time job is hard enough. Add paying the bills, balancing the budget with buying supplies and those make up just the basics. If you have kids of any age then there is always homework, school conferences, activities of all types, bath time and dinner on a schedule. Who has time to clean the house much less sleep in this over worked society we have created for ourselves? I found I get a lot more done when I am alone than I do when others are around. The distractions keep breaking the flow of momentum that I need to finish what ever I am working on. No matter how sufficient I became in getting things done though, it was no match for the absolute sheer volume of never ending busy work that keeps us moving all the time and kept me Running on Empty.
I didn't get a lot of sleep growing up because my mom couldn't sleep much. She felt that if she can't sleep why should I be able to and sometimes she would even get the vacuum cleaner out at 9 am on a Saturday. It took many years but I have finally won mom over to my side and now she sleeps late everyday. After I moved out, sleep was a luxury because surviving took precedence and after having a child you can pretty much forget sleep until they're a teenager. When I did crash out I slept like a coma victim who heard very little. One time I spent the weekend with some friends on the farm and they cranked up the chainsaw for a stump in front of the house and the room I was sleeping in. Never heard it the first time and they must have told that story to everybody at one point. One of the main reasons next to Trey, I bought my house was just so I could sleep in peace but as most of you know that is not always the case. Another reason I bought it was because I was tired of moving all the time when the people I lived with went crazy and that was a regular thing around here...and no it's not lost on me that I could be the one making them crazy! It's a true gift I have but I try to keep it in check.
One of the many pictures people take of me when I was sleeping.
You see the thing I value the most is my time. It was something I didn't have a lot of and wasting it became something I couldn't bare. I don't mean I am important therefor my time is more valuable than yours. I mean the little free time I have was mine so I didn't want to waste a moment of it but I will value your time as well because you probably feel the same way. I don't waste time on pipe dreams or get rich schemes. I don't waste time on things that go nowhere because I've traveled enough dead ends to know better. I definitely want to finish things right the first time because I sure don't want to do it twice but sometimes when dealing with the corporate world or other people, it makes it impossible. We all need time to recharge our batteries but so very few have the luxury of doing so and make no mistake it is now a luxury. In a world that will try and sell us any time saving devise then place coffee shops on every corner to keep you going so you can keep making money to buy stuff that is supposedly going to save you more time... is just like being on the hamster wheel. I also didn't understand a lot of the off hours get togethers with people at work because I already spent more time with them, than I did with my friends and family.
I have written before that I think about many things... not just the everyday musings but in my life I have tried to find solutions to problems that take all the affected people in account. Contrary to popular belief, I did work my butt off over the years balancing many different commitments, people, wants, needs, hopes and dreams... most of those for others in my life. I have never felt right about just going out and getting mine, without listening and compromising with others... To a POINT! That is the main reason I knew I would not go far in the corporate world... I had ethics and little tolerance of BS. I am not trying to sound altruistic because I am not. My philosophy especially in the business world, is that if I want peace then I have to solve problems that arise so that you can be happy and hopefully go away... and that is pretty selfish. Sometimes though you find you can't make some people happy no matter what you do or don't do and that leads to mental anxiety. Everybody has at least one person in their work or home life that drains their energy and I call those people hoovers... because they suck the life right out. I've had one at home and one at the job at the same time on several occasions. If you have a stressful job, on top of family and friends with issues and complaints then you have a recipe for mild exhaustion to a full blown break down. My biggest downfall was taking on too much at one time usually depending on people who were undependable. My faulty reasoning was get a bunch of stuff done at one time and then I can take a break. But after a while I began to realize that the breaks just weren't coming and if you need them you have to make them yourself.
I have been known to disconnect the phones and crawl under my rock because the world keeps on kicking my butt and sometimes you just need to unplug, and not just from the hoovers. I have found that you have to turn off the tube or manage what you watch carefully because it sells fear, war and righteousness... even if they are far from right. For some though unplugging is like going without crack and being alone is not an option. If you are afraid to be alone sometimes then you are afraid of yourself and you should be asking "why is that?" Anyway it turns out that 6 months wasn't enough to make a dent in the absolute mental exhaustion I had. It has taken about 3 years just to get to this point I am today. I can look back and see more clearly because I have had time to decompress and my hope is that more of you will do this too. Now I can see that the whole system we all live under is designed to use us up and throw us away. It is easy to label people as lazy because it then explains their failure to succeed and then we can absolve ourselves of any responsibility for creating this mess our world is in now. I am fortunate to have cared more about my sanity than what others thought especially about my laziness. But every decision I made to participate in this rat race we live in was one step closer to the day I lost my baby Trey.
18. Crossroads of Life and Death. >>>>>
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
I have seen the word lazy thrown around a lot and I resemble that! I have never been a ball of fire by any means and like to conserve my energy whenever possible. On the other side of the coin I don't expect to be taken care of and know that it is up to me to do the job. So if I can find a way to do something easier and better, I am all about. Practicing and enhancing these techniques over the years has helped me do more using my own natural rhythm and I am pretty sure that it doesn't fit into a normal pattern. Like many others though I found myself wishing there were more hours in the day the older I got. Just keeping up with the dishes, laundry and the trash after working a full time job is hard enough. Add paying the bills, balancing the budget with buying supplies and those make up just the basics. If you have kids of any age then there is always homework, school conferences, activities of all types, bath time and dinner on a schedule. Who has time to clean the house much less sleep in this over worked society we have created for ourselves? I found I get a lot more done when I am alone than I do when others are around. The distractions keep breaking the flow of momentum that I need to finish what ever I am working on. No matter how sufficient I became in getting things done though, it was no match for the absolute sheer volume of never ending busy work that keeps us moving all the time and kept me Running on Empty.
I didn't get a lot of sleep growing up because my mom couldn't sleep much. She felt that if she can't sleep why should I be able to and sometimes she would even get the vacuum cleaner out at 9 am on a Saturday. It took many years but I have finally won mom over to my side and now she sleeps late everyday. After I moved out, sleep was a luxury because surviving took precedence and after having a child you can pretty much forget sleep until they're a teenager. When I did crash out I slept like a coma victim who heard very little. One time I spent the weekend with some friends on the farm and they cranked up the chainsaw for a stump in front of the house and the room I was sleeping in. Never heard it the first time and they must have told that story to everybody at one point. One of the main reasons next to Trey, I bought my house was just so I could sleep in peace but as most of you know that is not always the case. Another reason I bought it was because I was tired of moving all the time when the people I lived with went crazy and that was a regular thing around here...and no it's not lost on me that I could be the one making them crazy! It's a true gift I have but I try to keep it in check.
You see the thing I value the most is my time. It was something I didn't have a lot of and wasting it became something I couldn't bare. I don't mean I am important therefor my time is more valuable than yours. I mean the little free time I have was mine so I didn't want to waste a moment of it but I will value your time as well because you probably feel the same way. I don't waste time on pipe dreams or get rich schemes. I don't waste time on things that go nowhere because I've traveled enough dead ends to know better. I definitely want to finish things right the first time because I sure don't want to do it twice but sometimes when dealing with the corporate world or other people, it makes it impossible. We all need time to recharge our batteries but so very few have the luxury of doing so and make no mistake it is now a luxury. In a world that will try and sell us any time saving devise then place coffee shops on every corner to keep you going so you can keep making money to buy stuff that is supposedly going to save you more time... is just like being on the hamster wheel. I also didn't understand a lot of the off hours get togethers with people at work because I already spent more time with them, than I did with my friends and family.
I have written before that I think about many things... not just the everyday musings but in my life I have tried to find solutions to problems that take all the affected people in account. Contrary to popular belief, I did work my butt off over the years balancing many different commitments, people, wants, needs, hopes and dreams... most of those for others in my life. I have never felt right about just going out and getting mine, without listening and compromising with others... To a POINT! That is the main reason I knew I would not go far in the corporate world... I had ethics and little tolerance of BS. I am not trying to sound altruistic because I am not. My philosophy especially in the business world, is that if I want peace then I have to solve problems that arise so that you can be happy and hopefully go away... and that is pretty selfish. Sometimes though you find you can't make some people happy no matter what you do or don't do and that leads to mental anxiety. Everybody has at least one person in their work or home life that drains their energy and I call those people hoovers... because they suck the life right out. I've had one at home and one at the job at the same time on several occasions. If you have a stressful job, on top of family and friends with issues and complaints then you have a recipe for mild exhaustion to a full blown break down. My biggest downfall was taking on too much at one time usually depending on people who were undependable. My faulty reasoning was get a bunch of stuff done at one time and then I can take a break. But after a while I began to realize that the breaks just weren't coming and if you need them you have to make them yourself.
I have been known to disconnect the phones and crawl under my rock because the world keeps on kicking my butt and sometimes you just need to unplug, and not just from the hoovers. I have found that you have to turn off the tube or manage what you watch carefully because it sells fear, war and righteousness... even if they are far from right. For some though unplugging is like going without crack and being alone is not an option. If you are afraid to be alone sometimes then you are afraid of yourself and you should be asking "why is that?" Anyway it turns out that 6 months wasn't enough to make a dent in the absolute mental exhaustion I had. It has taken about 3 years just to get to this point I am today. I can look back and see more clearly because I have had time to decompress and my hope is that more of you will do this too. Now I can see that the whole system we all live under is designed to use us up and throw us away. It is easy to label people as lazy because it then explains their failure to succeed and then we can absolve ourselves of any responsibility for creating this mess our world is in now. I am fortunate to have cared more about my sanity than what others thought especially about my laziness. But every decision I made to participate in this rat race we live in was one step closer to the day I lost my baby Trey.
18. Crossroads of Life and Death. >>>>>
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