Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Reason for My Season

1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy, 
4.  Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III   23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this?, 26. Where did you get that from?27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>

The Cats in the Cradle is a very prophetic song.

Summing up a young life is so much easier when it is your life you are writing about but when it is another person it is a whole different story, especially when my time with Trey was limited.  Childhood phases were regular and plenty so I never knew what would be current from one visit to the next.  As I sit here on this New Years Eve, I am watching Blue Collar Comedy Tour with Bill Ingvall, Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy.  Those shows have been around for years and many of their words of wisdom have been sprinkled through out my writings as well.  Good memories and Trey's favorite was Ron White.  Of course it was, the hard drinking, smoking one with the nickname Tater Salad.   

But I want to start from the beginning and even though it is hazy, I do remember going on the date with my ex husband and not much after that.  Around Christmas of 89 while at my grandmother's house and getting into the shower mom asked if I was pregnant.  I must say the thought never occurred to me so I said no way but as I got in the shower I was trying to remember when the last monthly came to visit and could not do it.  As soon as I got home Sherri and I went to the drug store and got a test then it was confirmed the next morning.  Whew, I was surprised to say the least but asked her to keep it between us for now.  I knew this was going to create waves and some people would not be happy, at least a first.  I wanted to give him a chance to grow in relative peace but I was scared to death.  I probably waited about 2 months before I told my ex and closer to 4 months when I told mom.  I didn't tell my grandmother until the weekend of the wedding (photo's) because I wasn't so sure there was going to be one until the last minute.  I know this seems selfish but I wanted to have him all to myself for a while, so I did.  A month before the wedding we lost my uncle on dad's side of the family and that was hard too.

During this time I had no idea he was a boy and it didn't matter to me what he was as long as he was healthy.  It took a while to find and see a doctor but I handled much of that on my own and this was the only time I've ever had medicaid.  That was a very great help because I couldn't have managed otherwise, but it was the only extra resource I had going at the time.  All the while in the first few months I was trying to wrap my head around the how, what and where I was going to live and am I even going to be a good mom?  I had no clue what I was doing but that wasn't going to stop me from doing it anyway.  Once my ex knew, we made a few decisions and then his brother died.  A few months later we were in our house and his sister lived with us to help with him while we both worked.  That was a huge worry off my mind, to know he would be taken care of by someone who actually loved him.  After the last check up they were wanting to admit me but I had the only car between the 3 of us, at the time, so I had to leave, go home and get my stuff too.  And then Trey came, 3 weeks after the due date but after a long labor he was here.  A little grey but thank God he was healthy and whole despite that I ate too much junk food and smoked too.  He did develop a stork bite on his forehead which to me was the cutest thing.  I had made a deal with my ex that if it was a boy he could name him and if it was a girl I would name her and so that is how he ended up as a III.  But Sherri and I talked about a good nickname and Trey was the only one where we all agreed.  Just recently I did a search to find out the meaning of his name and the first name means horse farmer.  His middle name means exactly was it says, Free Man.  They didn't mess around at the hospital and we were out of there the next day or so.  Since I took a lot of the pictures back then, there are very few of them with me in them... darn it!

It felt like it was only a minute before I had to go back to work but those first few days were up and down bouncing between the highs of being a mom to such a small and beautiful life and then falling down exhausted to the bone from the drama at home.  Mom had helped a lot with many baby things and came by to see and spoil the new addition to the family quite often and sometimes she would take him to her home for the night.  I don't care if he had gas or not but when he smiled it would just melt your heart.  You've seen pictures of my ex and me so you understand when I say I have no idea how we made such a pretty baby but we were very lucky.  He wasn't fussy or hard to take care at all.  My granddad got to see Trey once before he too died and I felt that the glue that held our family together was gone for good now.  That was the 3rd death very close to me within a year and getting married and having a baby... it was a lot to take in and there wasn't many I could really talk to about all this.  And then it was no time at all and then we were at my moms.  Trey really was a happy little guy and laughed a lot especially when I'd blow raspberries on his belly.  When he started talking, that was the end of quiet and like many other boys before him he had so much energy that it seemed like has was literally bouncing off the walls.  He talked about cartoons and we went through the Barney phase as well as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Transformers, Batman, Spiderman, Pokemon and Yugioh!  Later his favorite holiday's were Halloween, Christmas and his birthday.  Over the years he collected almost every Disney movie that came out and many others.

It was around this time that Trey went to Disney World with my uncle after being over at his dad's for roughly 2 weeks.  So he was gone about 3 weeks all together and it was the longest 3 weeks of our life.  I have very little info about what was going on at the time he was over at his fathers but he wasn't the same for a while when he came back and I think he was probably a little scared when he went to Disney as well.  It was a tough time for him for a bit but he readjusted and things calmed down with him after while.  Later when we were out at the farm, when he was a little older he would take off his clothes and go Freebird often enough.  The first time we saw this, the dog had one of his tennis shoes in his mouth and when I turned the corner to the front yard there he was with only a shirt.  I was trying to get a photo of him and I swear just before the camera flashed he shot me the bird and took off laughing his little fanny off.  Later when it was time to give up the pacifier we told him the dogs took off with it and it was gone... gone.  We took him to the beach and took him to Florida too so I must say he was one traveling little man for a while.  And he loved to go anywhere, anytime, any how... just as long as we would go!   That is when the questions on just about anything started too.  And action figures would be a life long obsession of the kids and over time he must have collected thousands of them... and mom was just as busy getting rid of the old ones as she used to be.   


                                                                  His beloved Aunt D.

One Halloween, I think Trey was 3, we went to some friends neighborhood to trick or treat because they have the most active Halloween participants.  This one house Trey went up to had a guy come flying out with a chainsaw and that kid took off for dear life and I just looked at the guy and said thanks!  It took me forever it felt like, to catch up with him because at that age he was fast and he might as well have said beep beep before he took off!  After that I could not talk him into going to a haunted house.  Period and that was that.  Trey also loved fast food just like many other kids and at the time Burger King was his favorite.  In fact he told all of us while at grandma's once that he was going to go work for them when he got older and I just looked at him because I said the same thing when I was that age too.  I knew where he got that from :)  Ages 3 through 5 were pretty quiet years... well relatively anyway because my ex was gone and it was nice to not have him upsetting things just because he could.  But he would still go to his Aunt D's as often as he could because he loved her and eventually her kids too, when they came into the world.  I remember his cousin was really shy around adults at that young age but when she was around him it was a whole different story.  He would tell us that she talked his ear off and I couldn't do any thing but laugh because usually he was the talker!  

Mom found a wonderful lady that would watch Trey while mom was at work and later after school.  She was the sweetest person and she loved and treated Trey like he was her own child.  Trey eventually started school and he was a hand full to the teachers so they let us know.  I was still living with Sherri at the time again and had only been at the law firm for a little while.  One night he was over at the house with me and I woke up to see he had filled my pencil holder up with chocolate milk just as pretty as you please.  And one time he even showed how artistic he was when he used one of the guys paintings of stark black and white contrast to add his own little touches to make it more colorful.  Hey, at least he hadn't slicked back his hair with vaseline :)  It wasn't to long afterward that mom took him to the doctor where he was placed on meds for ADHD.  Shortly after that, Trey gave his morning pills to the babysitters dog... and the dog just laid around all day long.    

When Trey was 6, he and mom went to see my grandmother and while over there, the neighbors grand kid who was about 11 at the time was also visiting.  This kid was like family to us and we had known him and his parents well before he was born so the following was a complete shock.  Both Trey and this kid had been playing outside that afternoon but had went inside the neighbors house to use the bathroom and something happened during that time.  It was only after they came back home and Trey was put into the tub that he told mom... that the kid had put his mouth on his penis.  Mom called me and my first reaction was... Say WHAT?  OH HELL NO!!! What is his phone number?  Well mom didn't have it and when I called my grandmother she would not give it to me so a few days later I drove down there to get it myself and had to have a talk with the kids aging grandmother who I loved so very much.  My family can sweep anything they want of theirs under the rug but this was not an option for me or Trey at this time.  I knew if I went to see them in person I may go to jail so that is why I called his mom and had a little talk with her that blew my mind.  

This kids mom told me that the child had been caught 3 TIMES doing inappropriate things to other boys AT SCHOOL.  I asked her just what the hell was she going to do about it?  She had no clue so I told her clearly and plainly that if he ever touched my kid again I would deal with him myself and she could rest assure she wouldn't like it... not one bit.  I had her put this kid on the phone and I told him the same things all the while he just said... yes ma'am.  I also told him he better pray that I never lay eyes on him again and so far his prayers have been answered in this respect.  So I had to have a long talk with Trey about what happened, what I did and said to this other kid and what did he want to do about it or what did he want me to do about it?  And he just looked at me and said... well it was weird but I'm okay mom.  We talked about what to do if anything like this ever happened again and with a resilience found only in childhood he bounced right back or went right on as if all was right with the world.  I bought my house shortly after that but went down to grandma's for Christmas and you could have cut the tension with a butter knife and almost everybody was unhappy with me or each other... who knows?  I had finally had enough and packed Trey and my clothes to go home.  I was not going to keep driving all this distance to be miserable over the holiday's so that's when and why, I made a new tradition of holiday's at my home.

After things had settled down some and he was used to coming over to my house we again sat down and had a talk.  Well as much as you can with a child at that age and I told him that the reason I bought my house was so he had a place to come to whenever he wanted and told him that if he wanted, he could come to live with me anytime.  He just looked at me and said thanks.  How about that?  It seems that my moms had really become his home and all his friends were there so how could I just uproot him from that.  It was not by far what I wanted but I knew that being a parent means making decisions that you don't necessarily like for the good of the child.  So I made do with the holiday's and unexpected drop in's when mom was out and about.  I'll never forget this one time Trey was talking a mile a minute as usual and out of the blue he asked me what would I do if he were twins?  I was playing with him as I told him OH NO!  What would I do with twins?  I told him he broke the mold so that was that but he kept on asking and laughing, listening to my views that twins would be double trouble.  When he wasn't playing Spiderman on the stairs he was usually trying to quietly sneak into my room where I spent most of my time.  Did I mention that the child could not be quiet if his life had depended on it.  He would giggle when I "caught" him and go back and do it again and again.  The best times were when he would sneak into bed with me and even though I felt he was a little to old I still snuggled with him under the covers from time to time.  But old squirmy would have the bed turned into a fort in a minute.  My regret is not indulging him more in this respect even if other people thought it was weird.  I missed so much with him but I always thought I'd have more time with him and that is a mistake that can't be rectified in this life time. 

Some where during this time my ex wondered in and out of Trey's life for a bit.  Once while visiting my exes dad Trey must have been playing a little too rough with their dog and was then bit on the top of the head, by the dog.  A few stitches and he was good as new but he was a bit more leery of dogs after that.  I can tell you that Trey didn't want to go with his dad most of the time and my ex blames me for saying bad things about him, but the real reason was much simpler that that.  For the most part my ex was a stranger to Trey and the only way to remedy that was to come around more often, something in which he did not do, at least when Trey was younger.  My ex was on his second marriage by then so was busy with that and mom starting applying for child support around this time I think and the battle begin.  Trey had been asking questions about why his dad didn't love him and all I could say was that he did, but he was not very good at showing love to anyone. He wondered why we weren't together any more and I told him that sometimes adults just can not get along and left it at that.  Then he said he wanted a brother or a sister and I told him he would have to talk to his dad about that.  He really struggled with all this for a while and I felt helpless to help him.          

When Scott lived with me and Trey came over sometimes Scott would cook breakfast.  This one time Scott was cooking a pot of grits and Trey told him he was doing it wrong.  He then told Scott that all he had to do was heat the water up in the microwave and then add it to the grits.  Scott laughed and said I am going to teach you how to make grits the right way and preceded to show him how it was done.  Trey loved them and cleaned out the rest of them too.  Scott really has been the only man other than my father who was in his life for most of it.  Even if they didn't see each other too often but because of food there was a special bond between the two.  The two of us even took Trey skating once and it was very interesting because it had been years since we had been at the rink and Trey wasn't good at it either.      

This last picture is when Trey graduated from elementary school and now was headed to middle school.  We had survived the karate tournaments and by that I mean no injuries with him because like I said in another post he did inherit our clumsy gene.  We told him that he would need to be quieter in school but that kid still liked to run his mouth and I could see another kid running him up a flag pole because of it.  But he was making friends that would stand up for him and that made all the difference in the world.  He asked me a few times why was he so weird and I could only hug him and tell him because both your parents were a study in the extremes of weirdness and he too got a double dose.  God Bless His Heart!  I told him to hang onto the weird part because he might need it one day and it truly was his greatest gift.  But I would also tease him some and this one would have been perfect!         

28. Was Always A Little Rascal. >>>>>        

Friday, December 30, 2011

Handy Quotes I am or Try to Live By.

From Where did you get that from? 

Thank you for reading and I can take no credit for these images or quotes.  I have been collecting sayings for a long while and thought I would just put them together in a manner that speaks the most to me.  Peace, love hugs and memories...