1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
That Saturday morning was another replay of the day before and I was also numb with pain. I dressed haphazardly, pulled my hair back and tried to steel myself for what was to come. Mom and Rosco were still in the house and Ariel and Scott showed up shortly after. Dad was the last one that arrived and each of us looked like zombies. They handled the last of the details earlier so we got ready to go say goodbye one last time to Trey. Someone again handed me a valium and I was thankful for that.
We got to the funeral home early to make sure everything was okay and it was the most difficult thing to see him laying there so quiet and lifeless. He normally would have been talking or asking questions rather and when he was younger he had more energy than any one little boy should have... but all that was gone that day. My exes family all showed up and seeing them all together brought a fresh wave of pain because I knew he had lost a child too and they had lost a nephew or grandson. His parents having lost their own child all those years ago made it seem like we had an even deeper understanding of each other. At one point, I even ran into the exes wife in the bathroom and she gave me a hug telling me how sorry she was, but again I was only half right. It felt like just a moment that we had him to ourselves and then people were coming up one by one and talking to us or just to give a hug.
There were so many kids many I didn't know who came by in the line that had formed. In between the kids faces, one would pop up that looked vaguely familiar and after a moment of focus I would see my childhood friend Trixie's mom who I haven't seen since I was a child. Another was the brat from next door to my parents... all grown up. Another was my old boss that gave me a quick hug. Old family friends of moms that we used to see occasionally. The girls from the old jobs stopped by too. Little Bit came by for a minute and I swear I started crying again. My long time friend and hair dresser stopped by too and I was touched deeply that he remembered Trey's name and just knew that was him in the paper.
Both Scott and Ariel's parents came through and as sick as her mom was, it really meant a lot to have her there. Trey's old babysitter came through the line and we all broke down again. One of Trey's friends that I hadn't seen since he was a young boy came through and I was astonished at how tall he was. But then most of the boys that came through were tall, crying and looking oh so lost. People from mom and dads work were coming through too but I didn't know all of them. Even Marvelous's family came through the line and that too brought so many memories back. I really cared for his mom, little brother and sister and all their many kids. I had talked to one of them the night before briefly and made sure that he got the message that he was not invited. It was so unreal to see all the different parts of my life come together in one place at one time. I was trying to take it all in but my senses were in overload. At some point the other boys (driving the car) mama came in and found me to send her condolences and I couldn't help but look in her eye at that moment and see how torn up she was and just how quickly our situations could've been reversed... so I gave her a hug too.
The preacher came in and we all found a seat for the service and again he had a very beautiful, powerful sermon but I think he kinda scared the kids a little. I was up front and still crying, eyes swollen and snot flying. They played the only song which was Tears in Heaven by Clapton and then we were done. The next step was the cemetery. I'd like to be able to tell you that the day went off with no confrontations but in my life that just isn't to be. When they corralled the family in the back room to close the casket... Marvelous shows up as if he has every right. At some point in time Rosco and Scott had a few words with him and his dad but I doubt that did anything because neither of them care about what others may need. I don't know what that conversation entailed but I ignored him and the situation because this day was not his... it was Trey's.
And before we leave from the funeral home my ex husband tells me in front of several people... "How about we not worry about a lawsuit... I mean it was an accident wasn't it?" I hadn't even thought about it until then but knew at that instant what was on his mind. I shook my head at his unbelievable audacity but I think he took that as an answer. He also asked to be kept posted of any events or memorials that we had planned and I said sure thing buddy. Again I don't think he caught on to the sarcasm in my voice.
We all then pile into the cars and start the short trip down the road. It takes a little bit and then the Pall Bearers Scott, my two cousins, Trey's uncle, family friend and Rosco carried Trey to the grave. A few more new faces showed up and the service begin and then it was over. We all milled around a bit but I was so ready to get everyone back to the funeral home. When that was done I then came back to the grave with a few kids still present and sat with them way past the last fill of dirt had been placed. We smoked, told stories about Trey and cried so very much that day... I was raw on both inside and the outside. I needed a moment to just rest quietly but there was still so much to do. Mean while people were at the house and more family coming in. My dear sweet uncle drove from Texas all night when he heard the news. He missed the funeral but he did come as quick as he could and I was so thankful that he could help mom because I was in no shape to do it. I gave Rosco the job of looking after my dad and he took to it glad to have something to do. Or was he?
For some reason the stereo was playing softly in my living room and when I can down stairs to get a cup of coffee the next morning and Tears in Heaven just started playing at that moment. It was my sign that he was letting me know he was okay and still here if I needed him.
I think the next day was more of the same going back and forth between the two houses but mom and uncle were staying with me at my house. So more time with the kids that knew my son the most and just talking to them helped me a lot. Not just their funny stories but their views on life. Danny, Trey's kindred spirit was there with us for many days because he was just as lost as we were. We went walking up the street to one of the hangouts and he was looping along just like Trey... and it brought fresh tears to my eyes. I could feel him with us for just a moment and then he was gone again just like that. On the way home that night we stopped by the cemetery again and there was a paper bag ceramic flower vase from Marvelous which I promptly picked up and threw in the trash.
That Monday I had to go to the bank and close out my little IRA to pay the balances on both the funeral home and cemetery. After that a few of us and I went to look at the car which had been towed to an independent garage and it was just mangled beyond belief. I was searching for his book bag and his phone. It took a while to find it and wrestle it from underneath the crushed seats but I was not leaving without it. Or was this later when we came back...I just can't remember...?
We then went to the school to drop off what books he had and pick up anything that may have been left in his locker but they said they sent it home with one of the kids. I talked to the principle about graduation and told her that we wanted tickets because a lot of Trey's friends were graduating and Brian would have also graduated that year too. She was a bit tight lipped but did agree to give us a few tickets. I then asked her why she didn't announce Trey's funeral when I asked her specifically to do so and she replied that she didn't want to upset the kids. I then asked her... wasn't it a little late for that?!? This woman acted as if she couldn't care less and I was getting upset but calmly asked her what was the possibility of getting both Trey's and Brian's diplomas handed to us (and his parents) after all the kids where finished. She said we don't really do that and it would just be a terrible imposition. Really? Like losing a child is just an imposition. Well I am sorry to inconvenience you in your life! I was so mad and crying at the same time and was worried I was going to go off on her so I got up and left as quick as I could. It didn't matter what that principle thought of any of us. I grew up in this school myself and knew a lot had changed since I had been there but I had no idea that this principle sucked so much wind. On the way out I saw some beautiful artwork some of the kids had done for Trey and that really made everything okay... well as okay as it could be.
Later that afternoon we went to the hospital in uptown Charlotte to see the boy who was driving the car. He was still in ICU and had already had surgery. His mom was there along with her partner who was just down stairs? I shook the boys hand and heard him say he was so very sorry that this happened and he wouldn't be driving anymore. I looked into his blue eyes and saw how helpless he felt and told him I forgave him. I may be an adult but I remember what it was like to be a kid, make mistakes and again knew just how quickly the situations could have been reversed. What point was there in being mad when it wouldn't bring Trey back and that's really all I really wanted at that point... even if it was selfish and not going to happen. His mom and me stepped out into the hall and I think that's when she told me that the boys father had killed himself and the boy had found him. Since I had been in a similar situation with Trey's uncle I could relate to that too. We are all human beings trying to make sense of this maddening world we live in. Some of us just handle it a little better than others.
Next we located the other couples room number and went to see them. When I walked in that door, it only took a moment for the man to ask me if I was the mother of the child that died. This man was so nice, warm and understanding while in so much pain, my heart was about to bust. He then gave me a hug or asked me to lean down rather and then asked if Trey was my only child. When I told him yes he just hugged me harder and his wife and daughter were so very kind too. I could also see how all of our families were affected by this one tragedy. When I looked at his daughter after she finished doing something, I asked her if she went to the same school because she looked so familiar. She did and I think was just a year older than me? Their son, her brother was also a first responder to the scene and the man sent his son over to our boys trapped in the car to pray from them. They were all truly beautiful souls and the hospital staff remarked that everything was so calm between the families. We were all in tears when we started to leave and that's when I found out my ex husband had been there the day before.
Back at both houses more people coming in an out and around this time I found out from the kids at moms house that the year book was due to come out soon. The deadline to have everything in was just in a day or two and they wanted me to collect several pictures of Trey so they could include them. And then I started almost begging the kids to find any photo's of Trey they may have any where. One of the kid's also volunteered to have t shirts made with a picture of him too. I was again so very touched and if it wasn't for these kids pushing... it would have never happened because the administrators at the school were not involved in any of it. The kids also organized a little memorial at the school so they could paint the rock, but they needed an adult to buy the spray paint.
So that whole night back at my place I went through every photo I had of Trey and selected the ones that showed him the best. It was another tear filled night with lost memories and dreams. How this discussion came about I can't remember but it was about my ex husband and how he had already been to see an attorney and the child support office. The only thing nice I can say about my ex is when it comes to getting his... he sure is efficient. So because of that, the next day Wednesday we had to go met our own lawyer, one who's firm we had done some work for when I was a PI. This really was the last place and thing I wanted to be doing at that moment in time but it was clear that my ex was already looking at dollar signs, again at Trey's expense.
Long, surreal, maddening meeting about sums it up. After explaining the situation with my ex and listening to the do's and don't (s)... I already knew this was going to take a really long time and by the time we were done nobody was going to be happy. Too many people involved for it to turn out any other way. The attorney said it would be better if we all got along and I said... well if that had happened a long time ago... I bet we wouldn't be here today... so I wouldn't look for it now. In all my years I understand it has been an uphill battle every inch of the way. I knew this wasn't going to be any different, but what worried me was this attorney didn't seem to get that. He definitely didn't understand I was not like most of his uptown clients because I did know the basics to law and the never ending paperwork that would entail. I also wasn't going to keep quiet about a few very important critical things.
We left from there, collected the paint cans and continued back down to the school for the rock and by the time I got there I was aggravated by the whole lawsuit thing, desperately needing time alone and exhausted to the bone. But as soon as I saw the kids, friends and family all together again it all came flooding back with a force of a battering ram. In Trey's photography class one of the girls had took a really cool profile picture of him and gave it to me that day. It was the most beautiful picture and one that will be cherished the rest of my life. The kids had also arranged to have a photographer there and it was the oddest thing to be the one in front of the camera. The photos were published in the Union Paper with a short article. All the while this was going on I felt left so Far Behind, and The World I Know was gone.
Pictures of The Rock and the times and Poem for Trey
Cliff's notes for the beginning grievers.
23. The Unwanted New World >>>>>
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
That Saturday morning was another replay of the day before and I was also numb with pain. I dressed haphazardly, pulled my hair back and tried to steel myself for what was to come. Mom and Rosco were still in the house and Ariel and Scott showed up shortly after. Dad was the last one that arrived and each of us looked like zombies. They handled the last of the details earlier so we got ready to go say goodbye one last time to Trey. Someone again handed me a valium and I was thankful for that.
We got to the funeral home early to make sure everything was okay and it was the most difficult thing to see him laying there so quiet and lifeless. He normally would have been talking or asking questions rather and when he was younger he had more energy than any one little boy should have... but all that was gone that day. My exes family all showed up and seeing them all together brought a fresh wave of pain because I knew he had lost a child too and they had lost a nephew or grandson. His parents having lost their own child all those years ago made it seem like we had an even deeper understanding of each other. At one point, I even ran into the exes wife in the bathroom and she gave me a hug telling me how sorry she was, but again I was only half right. It felt like just a moment that we had him to ourselves and then people were coming up one by one and talking to us or just to give a hug.
There were so many kids many I didn't know who came by in the line that had formed. In between the kids faces, one would pop up that looked vaguely familiar and after a moment of focus I would see my childhood friend Trixie's mom who I haven't seen since I was a child. Another was the brat from next door to my parents... all grown up. Another was my old boss that gave me a quick hug. Old family friends of moms that we used to see occasionally. The girls from the old jobs stopped by too. Little Bit came by for a minute and I swear I started crying again. My long time friend and hair dresser stopped by too and I was touched deeply that he remembered Trey's name and just knew that was him in the paper.
Both Scott and Ariel's parents came through and as sick as her mom was, it really meant a lot to have her there. Trey's old babysitter came through the line and we all broke down again. One of Trey's friends that I hadn't seen since he was a young boy came through and I was astonished at how tall he was. But then most of the boys that came through were tall, crying and looking oh so lost. People from mom and dads work were coming through too but I didn't know all of them. Even Marvelous's family came through the line and that too brought so many memories back. I really cared for his mom, little brother and sister and all their many kids. I had talked to one of them the night before briefly and made sure that he got the message that he was not invited. It was so unreal to see all the different parts of my life come together in one place at one time. I was trying to take it all in but my senses were in overload. At some point the other boys (driving the car) mama came in and found me to send her condolences and I couldn't help but look in her eye at that moment and see how torn up she was and just how quickly our situations could've been reversed... so I gave her a hug too.
The preacher came in and we all found a seat for the service and again he had a very beautiful, powerful sermon but I think he kinda scared the kids a little. I was up front and still crying, eyes swollen and snot flying. They played the only song which was Tears in Heaven by Clapton and then we were done. The next step was the cemetery. I'd like to be able to tell you that the day went off with no confrontations but in my life that just isn't to be. When they corralled the family in the back room to close the casket... Marvelous shows up as if he has every right. At some point in time Rosco and Scott had a few words with him and his dad but I doubt that did anything because neither of them care about what others may need. I don't know what that conversation entailed but I ignored him and the situation because this day was not his... it was Trey's.
And before we leave from the funeral home my ex husband tells me in front of several people... "How about we not worry about a lawsuit... I mean it was an accident wasn't it?" I hadn't even thought about it until then but knew at that instant what was on his mind. I shook my head at his unbelievable audacity but I think he took that as an answer. He also asked to be kept posted of any events or memorials that we had planned and I said sure thing buddy. Again I don't think he caught on to the sarcasm in my voice.
We all then pile into the cars and start the short trip down the road. It takes a little bit and then the Pall Bearers Scott, my two cousins, Trey's uncle, family friend and Rosco carried Trey to the grave. A few more new faces showed up and the service begin and then it was over. We all milled around a bit but I was so ready to get everyone back to the funeral home. When that was done I then came back to the grave with a few kids still present and sat with them way past the last fill of dirt had been placed. We smoked, told stories about Trey and cried so very much that day... I was raw on both inside and the outside. I needed a moment to just rest quietly but there was still so much to do. Mean while people were at the house and more family coming in. My dear sweet uncle drove from Texas all night when he heard the news. He missed the funeral but he did come as quick as he could and I was so thankful that he could help mom because I was in no shape to do it. I gave Rosco the job of looking after my dad and he took to it glad to have something to do. Or was he?
For some reason the stereo was playing softly in my living room and when I can down stairs to get a cup of coffee the next morning and Tears in Heaven just started playing at that moment. It was my sign that he was letting me know he was okay and still here if I needed him.
I think the next day was more of the same going back and forth between the two houses but mom and uncle were staying with me at my house. So more time with the kids that knew my son the most and just talking to them helped me a lot. Not just their funny stories but their views on life. Danny, Trey's kindred spirit was there with us for many days because he was just as lost as we were. We went walking up the street to one of the hangouts and he was looping along just like Trey... and it brought fresh tears to my eyes. I could feel him with us for just a moment and then he was gone again just like that. On the way home that night we stopped by the cemetery again and there was a paper bag ceramic flower vase from Marvelous which I promptly picked up and threw in the trash.
That Monday I had to go to the bank and close out my little IRA to pay the balances on both the funeral home and cemetery. After that a few of us and I went to look at the car which had been towed to an independent garage and it was just mangled beyond belief. I was searching for his book bag and his phone. It took a while to find it and wrestle it from underneath the crushed seats but I was not leaving without it. Or was this later when we came back...I just can't remember...?
We then went to the school to drop off what books he had and pick up anything that may have been left in his locker but they said they sent it home with one of the kids. I talked to the principle about graduation and told her that we wanted tickets because a lot of Trey's friends were graduating and Brian would have also graduated that year too. She was a bit tight lipped but did agree to give us a few tickets. I then asked her why she didn't announce Trey's funeral when I asked her specifically to do so and she replied that she didn't want to upset the kids. I then asked her... wasn't it a little late for that?!? This woman acted as if she couldn't care less and I was getting upset but calmly asked her what was the possibility of getting both Trey's and Brian's diplomas handed to us (and his parents) after all the kids where finished. She said we don't really do that and it would just be a terrible imposition. Really? Like losing a child is just an imposition. Well I am sorry to inconvenience you in your life! I was so mad and crying at the same time and was worried I was going to go off on her so I got up and left as quick as I could. It didn't matter what that principle thought of any of us. I grew up in this school myself and knew a lot had changed since I had been there but I had no idea that this principle sucked so much wind. On the way out I saw some beautiful artwork some of the kids had done for Trey and that really made everything okay... well as okay as it could be.
Later that afternoon we went to the hospital in uptown Charlotte to see the boy who was driving the car. He was still in ICU and had already had surgery. His mom was there along with her partner who was just down stairs? I shook the boys hand and heard him say he was so very sorry that this happened and he wouldn't be driving anymore. I looked into his blue eyes and saw how helpless he felt and told him I forgave him. I may be an adult but I remember what it was like to be a kid, make mistakes and again knew just how quickly the situations could have been reversed. What point was there in being mad when it wouldn't bring Trey back and that's really all I really wanted at that point... even if it was selfish and not going to happen. His mom and me stepped out into the hall and I think that's when she told me that the boys father had killed himself and the boy had found him. Since I had been in a similar situation with Trey's uncle I could relate to that too. We are all human beings trying to make sense of this maddening world we live in. Some of us just handle it a little better than others.
Next we located the other couples room number and went to see them. When I walked in that door, it only took a moment for the man to ask me if I was the mother of the child that died. This man was so nice, warm and understanding while in so much pain, my heart was about to bust. He then gave me a hug or asked me to lean down rather and then asked if Trey was my only child. When I told him yes he just hugged me harder and his wife and daughter were so very kind too. I could also see how all of our families were affected by this one tragedy. When I looked at his daughter after she finished doing something, I asked her if she went to the same school because she looked so familiar. She did and I think was just a year older than me? Their son, her brother was also a first responder to the scene and the man sent his son over to our boys trapped in the car to pray from them. They were all truly beautiful souls and the hospital staff remarked that everything was so calm between the families. We were all in tears when we started to leave and that's when I found out my ex husband had been there the day before.
Back at both houses more people coming in an out and around this time I found out from the kids at moms house that the year book was due to come out soon. The deadline to have everything in was just in a day or two and they wanted me to collect several pictures of Trey so they could include them. And then I started almost begging the kids to find any photo's of Trey they may have any where. One of the kid's also volunteered to have t shirts made with a picture of him too. I was again so very touched and if it wasn't for these kids pushing... it would have never happened because the administrators at the school were not involved in any of it. The kids also organized a little memorial at the school so they could paint the rock, but they needed an adult to buy the spray paint.
So that whole night back at my place I went through every photo I had of Trey and selected the ones that showed him the best. It was another tear filled night with lost memories and dreams. How this discussion came about I can't remember but it was about my ex husband and how he had already been to see an attorney and the child support office. The only thing nice I can say about my ex is when it comes to getting his... he sure is efficient. So because of that, the next day Wednesday we had to go met our own lawyer, one who's firm we had done some work for when I was a PI. This really was the last place and thing I wanted to be doing at that moment in time but it was clear that my ex was already looking at dollar signs, again at Trey's expense.
Long, surreal, maddening meeting about sums it up. After explaining the situation with my ex and listening to the do's and don't (s)... I already knew this was going to take a really long time and by the time we were done nobody was going to be happy. Too many people involved for it to turn out any other way. The attorney said it would be better if we all got along and I said... well if that had happened a long time ago... I bet we wouldn't be here today... so I wouldn't look for it now. In all my years I understand it has been an uphill battle every inch of the way. I knew this wasn't going to be any different, but what worried me was this attorney didn't seem to get that. He definitely didn't understand I was not like most of his uptown clients because I did know the basics to law and the never ending paperwork that would entail. I also wasn't going to keep quiet about a few very important critical things.
We left from there, collected the paint cans and continued back down to the school for the rock and by the time I got there I was aggravated by the whole lawsuit thing, desperately needing time alone and exhausted to the bone. But as soon as I saw the kids, friends and family all together again it all came flooding back with a force of a battering ram. In Trey's photography class one of the girls had took a really cool profile picture of him and gave it to me that day. It was the most beautiful picture and one that will be cherished the rest of my life. The kids had also arranged to have a photographer there and it was the oddest thing to be the one in front of the camera. The photos were published in the Union Paper with a short article. All the while this was going on I felt left so Far Behind, and The World I Know was gone.
Pictures of The Rock and the times and Poem for Trey
Cliff's notes for the beginning grievers.
23. The Unwanted New World >>>>>
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