1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
For the better and to be a better person. So very much easier said than done and I will be the first to admit that. Some people are so resistant to change that they will avoid it at all cost, but I am one who appreciates change even if only afterward. I get bored with shallow or narrow minded people and try to avoid banging my head against the proverbial brick walls as much as possible because they will not be moved and it really is a waste of effort. But I did manage to make a really good friend named Sherri when I was about 17 and first starting work at the bank mail room in uptown. She is super smart and loves learning and will probably be in one class or another until she just can't go any more. She had a passion for math and science. She was always very independent and was quick to help any one out, especially me. At one point in time she was my landlord and we (8-10 of us) all lived in a 3 bedroom apartment. Sherri and I worked the night shift and so we spent a lot of time together and she has the patience of Job to put up with me for so long. In her early years at college she was taking psychology classes of all kinds that was required to become a school teacher. The least I could do was help her study for tests while we were sorting mail. That was before the automatic age of everything and both of us were full time and she would challenge me to see who could sort mail the fastest. It was funny to watch a super batch of mail to be delivered and have to call in help from the processing floor. If you didn't sort often most likely you would only do about 10- 15 a minute but we had our speed up to about 50 or 60 a minute. Sometimes they would just stop and watch us, but we had fun in our own little world for the most part.
During the many hours of working and studying I asked her about everything from why the people we know or I knew was so screwed up (and there was a lot of them) to other topics ranging from religion, politics... which I knew little about... to our differences between each other. She really helped me see the world through another lens because she challenged me to think about life in new ways without ever telling me what I should do. She helped me understand why people are so different and how it all relates to how I approached life. I'll never be more thankful for that because I was really looking for answers not an agenda and she was kind enough to take the time. Not many people get to find someone like that in their life time and for those I am truly sorry. Talking to her after talking to my ex then was like having to put in another computer program or sometimes like slamming the the gears in reverse when talking to the ex. The worlds were so far apart there wasn't a bridge long enough to handle the gap.
Sherri made a place for me in her family and was even the one who bought the pregnancy test with Trey. She attending my wedding so long ago and I was at hers when she finally took the plunge years later. One time I wore Sherri out with the Whitesnake tape so much so that she threatened me with a entire week of classical music if I played it one more time. I did and she did. She also introduced me to Stomp, Eyna and Loreena McKennitt who I just love because although I had heard a lot of their music in movies, I never knew their names. I ended up living with her and her family twice over those early years and looking back on our run down house with more books than a library and I miss that time so much. Not because it was easier, although it certainly was but it was the connection that I had with them. They were different and they accepted my weirdness without a second thought. I have been trying to be a better person with her in mind because she really set the bar high and I fear I still fail miserably.
No that is not alcohol.
I met another friend named Scott at a pool hall I frequented and later worked at. At first glance he looks like a typical redneck named Bubba and he likes to talk... usually loudly. He worked on cars at one of the local dealerships and was a very interesting guy. He really didn't fit the mold on many things and he proved that men can really think... if they want to. Over the years he has proven to be the exception to many rules and I've never met anyone else like him. When we met I had a lot going on and he didn't, living a semi care-free lifestyle. Well 20 years later the situation is reversed because he has a lot going on and now I lead a more care-free lifestyle. :) One of my small pleasures in life is when he comes home and he's had a rough day, but there is still one more thing he has to do before he can quit (like move the truck) and will complain he doesn't have any time... I reply... Make time. He used that line on me so often with many other ones thrown in and that used to frustrate me to no end! Not any more. Through out the years he has worked on my cars and I AM HARD ON CARS. I worked as a courier at a law firm and delivered pizza at the same time for a while and any delivery job is tough on a car. And you can't lie to your mechanic because the truth will come out. One Christmas I was late getting down to my grandmothers house. For 25 years the road she lived on forked to the left, but when I made that turn around midnight, I found myself in a ditch because they had turned it into a hard left turn several feet down the road. By the Grace of God I was able to rock the car out after a while. I was going to keep quiet about that particulate incident... to say I've had a few would be a gross understatement... but during the next oil and brake change he asked me to explain the red mud and grass in clumps under the front bumper by saying I see you've been off roadin' it again! Busted!
For the record I had my first big wreck at 19 and it was on Highway 218... the same road Trey died on and then 2 years later his friend Danny. I came around a curve and hit a Toyota, that hit a new Firebird, that hit a custom van, that hit a brick mail box. I don't screw up often but when I do, I do it right! Over the years I have jumped curbs and seem to pick up every piece of debris on the road and found myself in a ditch a few times. One time I was following a guy for work at a rather high rate of speed and there was a deep drop off on the side of the road where I hit and busted two tires and rims. I Can't Drive 55, while doing that job. For those that think you are unlucky driving... I've had my Honda stolen twice from outside of my house within 2 months AND hit an uninsured driver that pulled out in front of me in 06. While Scott didn't do all the work it was safe to say I had a body and repair man on speed dial for a long time... and no it was not always Marvelous. In fact the guys at the shop where Scott worked wondered just what I was doing to the car because I was in there all the time and Mayhem and Murphy were regular visitors. My body guy, a friend of Scott's always had a smile on his face when I showed up. It was almost like Christmas for him.
Scott and I are opposite in a lot of ways like he came from a republican family and I am independent all the way. He had a charmed life and I had a difficult one. He loves Charlotte and I don't. He likes the old way and I like change. Yet our differences seems to work out for the most part and allowed our friendship to continue. Scott has been the one who was THERE when others walked out during the most difficult times in my life... Everyday. And that counts the most when it is all said and done. Our friendship was so important to me that it was the number one main reason I didn't want to have a relationship with him. Partly because of my track record combined with his inexperience and I knew that it would get really ugly if it didn't work out. It only took him about 13 years to finally come to the same conclusion.
For years though we hung out together going to concerts, car shows, pool halls to shoot for leagues around the state, restaurants where we broke bread many times and state fairs. In one of my rare moments of having an opportunity to reciprocate of small practical joke at the state fair we came across a vendor selling those tall Dr. Seuss hats. I got a black and white one and picked a nice rainbow colored one for him. He wore it all over the fair with no clue to it's meaning until we left and happened to see a rainbow sticker on the back of a car. By then I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and he kept asking what is wrong with me. Luckily he was a good sport about it which was good because living with Sherri and her husbands gay friend meant there were bound to be times that a few of his more openly gay friends would be about. But Scott accepted everyone's differences and didn't even flinch when he saw open displays of affection. That was a huge turning point with me in having two different worlds coming together in peace. Before that I didn't think it was a possibility. In one of the pool rooms we frequented I found out the owner had a few legal problems but he had a really good attorney who could handle it and it was the one I had heard about from the farm.
Some of Scott's favorite concerts were Kansas, Boston and Journey. Mine were Dave Matthews Band, Widespread Panic and Pearl Jam but he used to joke about micro bus, micro bus... his truck when we would pull up to the parking area. We both loved Kenny G (yes we are getting older but still like all kinds) and Jackson Brown. We had both seen Lynyrd Skynyrd enough so play Freebird! Scott introduced me to the KISS method of keeping it simple stupid, and explained why the grass was always greener on the other side... because it was fertilized with so much bs! He taught me A LOT about cars and it came in handy because I could then use them as analogies if possible whenever I needed to explain something. It only took me about 10 years to understand when he says he does not understand... it really means he doesn't care about that.
He also gave no mercy when playing pool and would leave me the worst shots... if he left one at all. I got really good at making the hard shots after a while like banking a few rails or cutting the ball just so... but I still could choke on the easy shots like the 8 ball for lack of practice. Looking back that is really what my life has been like... handling the hard stuff but missing the easy stuff. Roughly about 5 years or so after we had been hanging out I had, had enough of trying to explain my position to him and when a friend of his on our pool team who was just my type, tall, dark and full of it asked me out I said..Yeah! The other little problem was this guy had just broken up with another girl also on our pool team at the time so after a month or so when I finally told them both, then all three of them were mad at me! It had been 5 years since I had been with anyone and I could think of no better way to get my point across. I really got tired of people not hearing me... so I make them hear me.
Again I am not proud of that because I know I hurt Scott then and could have found a better way of handling the whole thing, but I was pushed past my patience and there it is. It took a while but he forgave me and the guy too. He still comes by from time to time and helps out with stuff. He even ends up knowing another girl who I would meet much later on. Scott and I have been through an awful lot over the years but we still remained very good friends. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be now and I can finally start to repay all the kindness and time he gave me over the years. After talking about it for 15 years he finally cashed out his 401k right before the market crashed and bought a tow truck to start his towing business. I was proud of him and looking back he made the right move. He has hired 2 other drivers and has 3 trucks total since he started but still thinks he is basic. I am trying to get him to understand he left basic when he took that left turn to Albuquerque as Bugs Bunny used to say when he started the business. I needed a place when I gave up my house and he needed help with the mountain of paperwork that covered every surface in the house so now I work for my room and board. It's a little like the blind leading the blind here but we make it through one day at a time. Lets face it... I won't be driving the trucks and the insurance people would laugh me out of the building! Life is so much simpler now that I don't own anything and I know I am incredibly lucky when so many others are struggling just to survive. I just wanted to say thanks to the 2 who helped save my sanity in this life I have. And thank you to all the people who help their friends and try to make this world better one person at a time.
9. Connection to the farm >>>>>
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
For the better and to be a better person. So very much easier said than done and I will be the first to admit that. Some people are so resistant to change that they will avoid it at all cost, but I am one who appreciates change even if only afterward. I get bored with shallow or narrow minded people and try to avoid banging my head against the proverbial brick walls as much as possible because they will not be moved and it really is a waste of effort. But I did manage to make a really good friend named Sherri when I was about 17 and first starting work at the bank mail room in uptown. She is super smart and loves learning and will probably be in one class or another until she just can't go any more. She had a passion for math and science. She was always very independent and was quick to help any one out, especially me. At one point in time she was my landlord and we (8-10 of us) all lived in a 3 bedroom apartment. Sherri and I worked the night shift and so we spent a lot of time together and she has the patience of Job to put up with me for so long. In her early years at college she was taking psychology classes of all kinds that was required to become a school teacher. The least I could do was help her study for tests while we were sorting mail. That was before the automatic age of everything and both of us were full time and she would challenge me to see who could sort mail the fastest. It was funny to watch a super batch of mail to be delivered and have to call in help from the processing floor. If you didn't sort often most likely you would only do about 10- 15 a minute but we had our speed up to about 50 or 60 a minute. Sometimes they would just stop and watch us, but we had fun in our own little world for the most part.
During the many hours of working and studying I asked her about everything from why the people we know or I knew was so screwed up (and there was a lot of them) to other topics ranging from religion, politics... which I knew little about... to our differences between each other. She really helped me see the world through another lens because she challenged me to think about life in new ways without ever telling me what I should do. She helped me understand why people are so different and how it all relates to how I approached life. I'll never be more thankful for that because I was really looking for answers not an agenda and she was kind enough to take the time. Not many people get to find someone like that in their life time and for those I am truly sorry. Talking to her after talking to my ex then was like having to put in another computer program or sometimes like slamming the the gears in reverse when talking to the ex. The worlds were so far apart there wasn't a bridge long enough to handle the gap.
Sherri made a place for me in her family and was even the one who bought the pregnancy test with Trey. She attending my wedding so long ago and I was at hers when she finally took the plunge years later. One time I wore Sherri out with the Whitesnake tape so much so that she threatened me with a entire week of classical music if I played it one more time. I did and she did. She also introduced me to Stomp, Eyna and Loreena McKennitt who I just love because although I had heard a lot of their music in movies, I never knew their names. I ended up living with her and her family twice over those early years and looking back on our run down house with more books than a library and I miss that time so much. Not because it was easier, although it certainly was but it was the connection that I had with them. They were different and they accepted my weirdness without a second thought. I have been trying to be a better person with her in mind because she really set the bar high and I fear I still fail miserably.
I met another friend named Scott at a pool hall I frequented and later worked at. At first glance he looks like a typical redneck named Bubba and he likes to talk... usually loudly. He worked on cars at one of the local dealerships and was a very interesting guy. He really didn't fit the mold on many things and he proved that men can really think... if they want to. Over the years he has proven to be the exception to many rules and I've never met anyone else like him. When we met I had a lot going on and he didn't, living a semi care-free lifestyle. Well 20 years later the situation is reversed because he has a lot going on and now I lead a more care-free lifestyle. :) One of my small pleasures in life is when he comes home and he's had a rough day, but there is still one more thing he has to do before he can quit (like move the truck) and will complain he doesn't have any time... I reply... Make time. He used that line on me so often with many other ones thrown in and that used to frustrate me to no end! Not any more. Through out the years he has worked on my cars and I AM HARD ON CARS. I worked as a courier at a law firm and delivered pizza at the same time for a while and any delivery job is tough on a car. And you can't lie to your mechanic because the truth will come out. One Christmas I was late getting down to my grandmothers house. For 25 years the road she lived on forked to the left, but when I made that turn around midnight, I found myself in a ditch because they had turned it into a hard left turn several feet down the road. By the Grace of God I was able to rock the car out after a while. I was going to keep quiet about that particulate incident... to say I've had a few would be a gross understatement... but during the next oil and brake change he asked me to explain the red mud and grass in clumps under the front bumper by saying I see you've been off roadin' it again! Busted!
For the record I had my first big wreck at 19 and it was on Highway 218... the same road Trey died on and then 2 years later his friend Danny. I came around a curve and hit a Toyota, that hit a new Firebird, that hit a custom van, that hit a brick mail box. I don't screw up often but when I do, I do it right! Over the years I have jumped curbs and seem to pick up every piece of debris on the road and found myself in a ditch a few times. One time I was following a guy for work at a rather high rate of speed and there was a deep drop off on the side of the road where I hit and busted two tires and rims. I Can't Drive 55, while doing that job. For those that think you are unlucky driving... I've had my Honda stolen twice from outside of my house within 2 months AND hit an uninsured driver that pulled out in front of me in 06. While Scott didn't do all the work it was safe to say I had a body and repair man on speed dial for a long time... and no it was not always Marvelous. In fact the guys at the shop where Scott worked wondered just what I was doing to the car because I was in there all the time and Mayhem and Murphy were regular visitors. My body guy, a friend of Scott's always had a smile on his face when I showed up. It was almost like Christmas for him.
Scott and I are opposite in a lot of ways like he came from a republican family and I am independent all the way. He had a charmed life and I had a difficult one. He loves Charlotte and I don't. He likes the old way and I like change. Yet our differences seems to work out for the most part and allowed our friendship to continue. Scott has been the one who was THERE when others walked out during the most difficult times in my life... Everyday. And that counts the most when it is all said and done. Our friendship was so important to me that it was the number one main reason I didn't want to have a relationship with him. Partly because of my track record combined with his inexperience and I knew that it would get really ugly if it didn't work out. It only took him about 13 years to finally come to the same conclusion.
For years though we hung out together going to concerts, car shows, pool halls to shoot for leagues around the state, restaurants where we broke bread many times and state fairs. In one of my rare moments of having an opportunity to reciprocate of small practical joke at the state fair we came across a vendor selling those tall Dr. Seuss hats. I got a black and white one and picked a nice rainbow colored one for him. He wore it all over the fair with no clue to it's meaning until we left and happened to see a rainbow sticker on the back of a car. By then I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and he kept asking what is wrong with me. Luckily he was a good sport about it which was good because living with Sherri and her husbands gay friend meant there were bound to be times that a few of his more openly gay friends would be about. But Scott accepted everyone's differences and didn't even flinch when he saw open displays of affection. That was a huge turning point with me in having two different worlds coming together in peace. Before that I didn't think it was a possibility. In one of the pool rooms we frequented I found out the owner had a few legal problems but he had a really good attorney who could handle it and it was the one I had heard about from the farm.
Some of Scott's favorite concerts were Kansas, Boston and Journey. Mine were Dave Matthews Band, Widespread Panic and Pearl Jam but he used to joke about micro bus, micro bus... his truck when we would pull up to the parking area. We both loved Kenny G (yes we are getting older but still like all kinds) and Jackson Brown. We had both seen Lynyrd Skynyrd enough so play Freebird! Scott introduced me to the KISS method of keeping it simple stupid, and explained why the grass was always greener on the other side... because it was fertilized with so much bs! He taught me A LOT about cars and it came in handy because I could then use them as analogies if possible whenever I needed to explain something. It only took me about 10 years to understand when he says he does not understand... it really means he doesn't care about that.
He also gave no mercy when playing pool and would leave me the worst shots... if he left one at all. I got really good at making the hard shots after a while like banking a few rails or cutting the ball just so... but I still could choke on the easy shots like the 8 ball for lack of practice. Looking back that is really what my life has been like... handling the hard stuff but missing the easy stuff. Roughly about 5 years or so after we had been hanging out I had, had enough of trying to explain my position to him and when a friend of his on our pool team who was just my type, tall, dark and full of it asked me out I said..Yeah! The other little problem was this guy had just broken up with another girl also on our pool team at the time so after a month or so when I finally told them both, then all three of them were mad at me! It had been 5 years since I had been with anyone and I could think of no better way to get my point across. I really got tired of people not hearing me... so I make them hear me.
Again I am not proud of that because I know I hurt Scott then and could have found a better way of handling the whole thing, but I was pushed past my patience and there it is. It took a while but he forgave me and the guy too. He still comes by from time to time and helps out with stuff. He even ends up knowing another girl who I would meet much later on. Scott and I have been through an awful lot over the years but we still remained very good friends. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be now and I can finally start to repay all the kindness and time he gave me over the years. After talking about it for 15 years he finally cashed out his 401k right before the market crashed and bought a tow truck to start his towing business. I was proud of him and looking back he made the right move. He has hired 2 other drivers and has 3 trucks total since he started but still thinks he is basic. I am trying to get him to understand he left basic when he took that left turn to Albuquerque as Bugs Bunny used to say when he started the business. I needed a place when I gave up my house and he needed help with the mountain of paperwork that covered every surface in the house so now I work for my room and board. It's a little like the blind leading the blind here but we make it through one day at a time. Lets face it... I won't be driving the trucks and the insurance people would laugh me out of the building! Life is so much simpler now that I don't own anything and I know I am incredibly lucky when so many others are struggling just to survive. I just wanted to say thanks to the 2 who helped save my sanity in this life I have. And thank you to all the people who help their friends and try to make this world better one person at a time.
9. Connection to the farm >>>>>
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