1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
Yes I know this sounds a bit corny to a lot of you. If fact I had no clue what this meant as a child or even a young adult. I never felt that I had any power to take back so for a while it was a non issue to me or so I thought. I did understand the concept of control because that was exerted in many ways starting with family, school, friends, jobs and later government. I only attended church functions on occasion with others and now I feel that was a blessing. For some reason that I could not fathom, I instinctively knew there was a higher being in existence, but I could not accept the terms and conditions that were applied to such an awesome power by other people. I wasn't loud about it and didn't engage in a lot of debate, especially with the ones who had memorized the Bible. The few churches I did attend were all different denominations and ideologies and left a big void in me when I walked out their doors. All but one small church near the group home I lived in when I was 14. I'm not sure how this was selected or done but we were split up in to two groups of girls and our group went to a mostly black church. Now I can't remember what the preacher said or even much of the service, but what I do remember is the feeling. The singing was beautifully done and it was like all these wonderful voices coming together in their own harmony had opened up a conduit to something I had only heard about. And they never took us back to that church again.
Looking back on that time I think is when I first understood that there is usually a kernel of truth underneath all the hype, promises and people in general. But only having a small glimpse into the power of the people in that church did nothing to point me in the right direction, not because they did anything wrong. I was just stubborn and saw it as another thing I couldn't do. By that age I was angry at the system, my parents and everybody else who was trying to tell me who I should be and what I should do or when. I was well on my way to rebelling from most authority figures in a passive aggressive way until I left home at the age of 16. I had been overcoming my fears one by one for a while now but still never really felt capable. Pain is unavoidable but to prolong the agonies and remain defenseless is something I just can not do.
If you don't think you have any power then ask yourself why do others keep trying to take it away? That question struck me in my early 20's but I still didn't have an answer that satisfied my inner self. In my life I only wanted to control ME and not everyone else. Shoot, just controlling myself in a world steeped in hypocrisy and sometimes blatant ignorance was more than I could handle at times. My family dealt with things by sweeping them under a rug, then we were just supposed to walk around it like nothing was wrong. Unless I was the problem and then it was time to deal with ME. The 3 families I interacted with after leaving home taught me a lot about the world in general. They were all different in their own right but they all expressed their opinions freely, loudly and with little or no thought to the consequences. For the first time in my life I started to express MY opinions and was met with mixture of disbelief or curious wonderment. I've had fights because I stood up for myself and even had a few guns pulled on me.
This one incident I will remember for the rest of my life because I found my power that day. My husband and I had split up and I had to move home with my parents for a short while. My ex wanted me to bring Trey to his parents house for a dinner. At that time my exes parents were split up as well and his father had started dating a married coworker from the plant he worked at. I remembered this chicks husband sleeping on the couch previously and wondered if he knew. Now when I split up with my (ex) husband after many fights about responsibility and our future...I simply told him I wanted a divorce and promptly walked out the door and started seeing someone else. In my mind I was done and that's all there was too it, except the signing of the papers. Unfortunately my ex didn't believe me and seemed to be completely surprised by the whole thing. Then things went from bad to even worse but that invite to dinner seem to come out of nowhere. ( Yes memories are a little hazy :) That day my ex, his sister, his brother, their dad and his dad's girlfriend where there.
Trey and I had only been there for a little while, when the guy I started dating Marvelous drove by the house screaming for me and started a chain reaction of events that ended up with my exes, dad's girlfriend pulling a rather large gun on me while screaming what a cheating whore I was. For those of you unfamiliar with a situation like this, it is much better to have the one holding the gun to hold it calmly without shaking. Shaking in this situation indicates that pure emotion is running through their veins and they are more likely to shoot you just based on that. All of this transpired in a matter of minutes and at that make or break moment, I looked her right in the eye as I stepped up to the gun and dared her hypocritical ass to shoot. I used much more colorful language at the time but stood up to this large, ignorant woman in spite of the fact I could have died that day. We had all experienced the lost of one of the Hinson brothers at the age of 14, then my uncle died a few months later and finally my beloved granddad had died in the same year...so dying did not scare me. In my mind, at that age, dying was inevitable and if it was my time then so be it. Right or wrong when you can wrap your mind around that concept, then you can move on to other important things in life. She backed down. I grabbed Trey and started to leave.
Later I realized that no matter what or who I came up against in this life, I would not accept to be mistreated especially when I hadn't deserved it. I've had about 30 jobs in my life time and have been fired several times because I refused to bow down to people that just want to be in control. I never had a problem starting from the bottom and working my way up, so please don't misunderstand me. Paying ones dues in life, earns you an education that is unobtainable even in the best of today's school. My method has always been trial and error... repeat. Through that process you understand that failing is only a temporary setback and if you are determined enough you can do anything you set your mind too. When you give your power or your voice away you will never be happy because no one will respect your power more than you. I just hope that people will come to understand just how powerful we really are and then begin to use that power to benefit others instead of controlling them. And just think if we all could harness our own power and combine it with others who also understands then we could finally maybe start to change the world just a little at a time. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow...
6. One Split Second, >>>>>
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
Yes I know this sounds a bit corny to a lot of you. If fact I had no clue what this meant as a child or even a young adult. I never felt that I had any power to take back so for a while it was a non issue to me or so I thought. I did understand the concept of control because that was exerted in many ways starting with family, school, friends, jobs and later government. I only attended church functions on occasion with others and now I feel that was a blessing. For some reason that I could not fathom, I instinctively knew there was a higher being in existence, but I could not accept the terms and conditions that were applied to such an awesome power by other people. I wasn't loud about it and didn't engage in a lot of debate, especially with the ones who had memorized the Bible. The few churches I did attend were all different denominations and ideologies and left a big void in me when I walked out their doors. All but one small church near the group home I lived in when I was 14. I'm not sure how this was selected or done but we were split up in to two groups of girls and our group went to a mostly black church. Now I can't remember what the preacher said or even much of the service, but what I do remember is the feeling. The singing was beautifully done and it was like all these wonderful voices coming together in their own harmony had opened up a conduit to something I had only heard about. And they never took us back to that church again.
Looking back on that time I think is when I first understood that there is usually a kernel of truth underneath all the hype, promises and people in general. But only having a small glimpse into the power of the people in that church did nothing to point me in the right direction, not because they did anything wrong. I was just stubborn and saw it as another thing I couldn't do. By that age I was angry at the system, my parents and everybody else who was trying to tell me who I should be and what I should do or when. I was well on my way to rebelling from most authority figures in a passive aggressive way until I left home at the age of 16. I had been overcoming my fears one by one for a while now but still never really felt capable. Pain is unavoidable but to prolong the agonies and remain defenseless is something I just can not do.
If you don't think you have any power then ask yourself why do others keep trying to take it away? That question struck me in my early 20's but I still didn't have an answer that satisfied my inner self. In my life I only wanted to control ME and not everyone else. Shoot, just controlling myself in a world steeped in hypocrisy and sometimes blatant ignorance was more than I could handle at times. My family dealt with things by sweeping them under a rug, then we were just supposed to walk around it like nothing was wrong. Unless I was the problem and then it was time to deal with ME. The 3 families I interacted with after leaving home taught me a lot about the world in general. They were all different in their own right but they all expressed their opinions freely, loudly and with little or no thought to the consequences. For the first time in my life I started to express MY opinions and was met with mixture of disbelief or curious wonderment. I've had fights because I stood up for myself and even had a few guns pulled on me.
This one incident I will remember for the rest of my life because I found my power that day. My husband and I had split up and I had to move home with my parents for a short while. My ex wanted me to bring Trey to his parents house for a dinner. At that time my exes parents were split up as well and his father had started dating a married coworker from the plant he worked at. I remembered this chicks husband sleeping on the couch previously and wondered if he knew. Now when I split up with my (ex) husband after many fights about responsibility and our future...I simply told him I wanted a divorce and promptly walked out the door and started seeing someone else. In my mind I was done and that's all there was too it, except the signing of the papers. Unfortunately my ex didn't believe me and seemed to be completely surprised by the whole thing. Then things went from bad to even worse but that invite to dinner seem to come out of nowhere. ( Yes memories are a little hazy :) That day my ex, his sister, his brother, their dad and his dad's girlfriend where there.
Trey and I had only been there for a little while, when the guy I started dating Marvelous drove by the house screaming for me and started a chain reaction of events that ended up with my exes, dad's girlfriend pulling a rather large gun on me while screaming what a cheating whore I was. For those of you unfamiliar with a situation like this, it is much better to have the one holding the gun to hold it calmly without shaking. Shaking in this situation indicates that pure emotion is running through their veins and they are more likely to shoot you just based on that. All of this transpired in a matter of minutes and at that make or break moment, I looked her right in the eye as I stepped up to the gun and dared her hypocritical ass to shoot. I used much more colorful language at the time but stood up to this large, ignorant woman in spite of the fact I could have died that day. We had all experienced the lost of one of the Hinson brothers at the age of 14, then my uncle died a few months later and finally my beloved granddad had died in the same year...so dying did not scare me. In my mind, at that age, dying was inevitable and if it was my time then so be it. Right or wrong when you can wrap your mind around that concept, then you can move on to other important things in life. She backed down. I grabbed Trey and started to leave.
Later I realized that no matter what or who I came up against in this life, I would not accept to be mistreated especially when I hadn't deserved it. I've had about 30 jobs in my life time and have been fired several times because I refused to bow down to people that just want to be in control. I never had a problem starting from the bottom and working my way up, so please don't misunderstand me. Paying ones dues in life, earns you an education that is unobtainable even in the best of today's school. My method has always been trial and error... repeat. Through that process you understand that failing is only a temporary setback and if you are determined enough you can do anything you set your mind too. When you give your power or your voice away you will never be happy because no one will respect your power more than you. I just hope that people will come to understand just how powerful we really are and then begin to use that power to benefit others instead of controlling them. And just think if we all could harness our own power and combine it with others who also understands then we could finally maybe start to change the world just a little at a time. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow...
6. One Split Second, >>>>>
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