Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Unwanted New World

 1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy, 
4.  Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III   23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:)  Volume 2 >>>>>   

Most of us understand the grief process even if we can't express it in our hearts or by using words.  You can say I sailed through the first two, denial and bargaining rather quickly.  Then I just slid into a simmering anger which was much more familiar to me and since I know me... I tried to warn everybody.  I tried to tell them I needed to be alone, I needed a break from running the streets and most importantly... they needed to handle their own stuff for a while because I was full up.  I was patiently waiting for everyone to start to return to their life while still dealing with this absolute empty hole in my heart that ached with each breath.  In between the trips back and forth to mom's I would stop by the cemetery and just talk to Trey and God.  I was also on a mission to collect all the photos and memorabilia to do my own memorial books for him because we didn't do them through the funeral home.  Shortly after his senior pictures came in and they were just gorgeous and then his second class ring came in after that.  I was so sad that he would never wear it and my heart was so very heavy.  The clothes he died in were picked up from the cleaners and now hang in my closet were they will remain.      

It took two weeks before I was able to slow down even just a little bit and the only person who knew me well enough to give me a break was Scott.  I had used up the last of my reserves in the strength department and was hanging on by a thread.  I spent a lot of time catching up with old childhood friends when down at moms and it gave me even more to be thankful for.  If it wasn't for some of their prompting I might not have remembered so much from the distant past.  All the while coming to grips with the fact the Trey would always be Forever Young.  I can't say when but some where during this time is when I had a quiet talk with Danny and he told me that Trey loved me and he knew I loved him by the way I hugged him.  Those words, at that time meant so very much to me because when someone you love dies so unexpectedly without the time to say good bye and I love you one last time... it leaves you with so many uncertainties.  And then in the next sentence Danny told me how Trey felt about his dad and all that was going on there.  My heart broke just a little more because of the finality of the situation and I was never more glad to not be in my exes shoes than at that time.         

I do remember talking to my ex one last time by phone and  he told me about a dog door left open in his house, that was his sign from Trey.  I then asked for a few small things, like can we do this the easy way? did he have any pictures? and even the video of the last confrontation?  Not because I planned to air it, but would have like to have edited it into something to add to the little footage I had.   I mean that would be the only images we would ever be taking of his again and every single piece was so very important.  His response was blah, blah, blah and lawsuit.  I told him I got that handled and was waiting on him to sign his part.  I told him there will be no lawsuit if he didn't sign the agreement and let him stew on it for a while.  Other than a few pictures from his third wedding, they gave me absolutely no other pictures from that side.  Maybe they hadn't taken any in the first place because it wasn't so important to them and they just didn't want to admit it or they simply couldn't care less about what I was trying to do for Trey or they didn't care about Trey himself?  They few I did get was from my exes sister and again I will always be thankful that she cared.  And no matter what I think about what my ex may have done in the past, to know that Trey didn't have to go through that pain anymore was a blessing in itself.   I knew he was truly free now and that was the only thing that made the situation even slightly bearable.   

Later while at the court house a woman saw me while in the clerks office to get a death certificate.  She saw the look on my face with the tears running down it and she just knew who I was.  She had lost her daughter 5 years ago at that time in the same manner and recognized the grief.  This wonderfully shy woman reached out to me that day and gave me her number to call.  She understood all that was to come but it was a year before I would talk to her again.  I was starting to understand this year long waiting thing now, because sometimes it takes that long to clear crazy out of your life.  It also turns out that she was the principle of the elementary school I attended as a child.  If only Trey's high school had a principle like that... someone who cared.   

The kids down at my parents house were still coming by pretty regularly and Rosco rallied everybody to start working on their trailer because by this time it was failing apart at the seams.  It became a regular hangout, something neither of my parents would have excepted earlier.  One thing led to another and the next thing I knew... we're going to redo the whole house. Just great.  That's exactly what we need to do at this time.  I still needed a job and was broke but was only half heartedly looking for one if at all at this point.  The economy was well on it's way down the tubes and I was a wreck... who would hire me?   The kids were telling us all about themselves or things about their school and other kids too.  They thought I was cool and if they only knew just how wrong they could be.  I wasn't cool, I was tolerant and that is a big difference.  I do have my breaking points though and one found out pretty quickly.  I could see him playing the adults and then a few things got missing from Trey's room.  I called him on it and he wasn't very happy but... really dude?  The next one would be a little later and I was not so nice.

The prom was coming up soon in April so mom and I took the girls shopping for shoes and a few odds and ends.  I'll remember that day too because it was the oddest thing to be shopping for girls stuff after shopping for boys for so long and I was out of my element that day.  Then next we all were watching all the kids dressed in their finest threads, come by and take pictures too.  It was beautiful and it was sad and I was trying hard not to cry so the girls wouldn't cry and ruin their makeup.  It really was a Bitter Sweet Symphony

Then Mother's Day came in May and some where around this time I had to start packing up Trey's room at moms because the construction was already starting.  I was giving as much away as I could to all his friends.  I wanted them to have a little piece of him to remember him by.  Then graduation came in June and we all headed up to watch the kids make this rite of passage and here is where something so small and trivial just lit my fuse.  When watching the other boy driving the car walk through the line to accept his diploma, he raised his arms in a victory position and it struck me as so very wrong on so many levels.  To this day I don't know why?  I had meant what I said to him in the hospital, that I forgave him but again it is a process and just doesn't happen in a short period of time.  To make matters worse the adults handling their side of the case was either running into road blocks themselves or something and now even more attorney's were involved so that meant this was going to drag out even longer. After I had got Trey's Myspace memorial page up and running then I sent a letter out to everyone on it about the whole situation and was mad about the stories I was hearing about this kids continued drug use after the fact.  And yes the school board got a letter about the principle too because that lady needed to go.  Since that time too many memorials to kids that have died over the years have been lost or who knows what and I am reasonably sure it can be traced back to her time there.  She was sent to another school... God help them.

You know they say don't make any big decision's while going through the grief process but that's not how we do things around here.  With everything that was going on I thought about the whole situation as best as I could then... given what real truthful information that I could find.  I had been plowing through these never ending days hoping to finish up every thing so I can take a break and deal with the fact that Trey was gone.  If you keep on expecting me to handle your problems, then don't be surprised when and how I do it.  But the situation between mom and dad was even more miserable than before so I went along with the plans of packing up some her stuff and sending her to her brothers in Texas for a while.  She was not happy to say the least... but who was at this point in time?  I knew in my heart if I could get her up and moving out, it would then be the last time she set foot back in the place to live.  She had options she just wasn't considering and I wasn't going to wait around for her to make a decision any longer.  

On the other side of the coin with dad I had talked to him about how we were going to pay for the remodel of his house and he cashed out his small retirement and with a strict budget I could get almost all the materials we needed to finish the house.  Rosco may not have been good at anything else but he could work on a house and general contract pretty well.  If he would only shut up or had any follow through... but the only problem was... he had none.  I talked to dad and explained everything to him several times but he had faith in old Rosco.  I could only hope that I could manage to keep it all together.  I also did a little research and knew I could get my dad on SS and maybe even veteran's disability and that would have handled his expenses once we were done.  Rosco helped a good bit with this as well.  He knew how to do it all.  But before this could be put into place dad just up and quit the job he had had for almost 40 years at that time.  Well he didn't quit he got fired for smoking but he knew what he was doing and so did I because I've done it myself a few times. 

Then I heard about George Carlin's passing in June and later on July 4th Scott's mom died after being in the hospital for a few months.  I had saw her just a month earlier when I stopped by to bring her some flowers and it turned out the tulips were her favorite.  It brought a fresh wave of sadness and I thought how unfair it was that she would get to see Trey before I would.  I did fine through the funeral until they started to play My Only Sunshine for one of her grand kids and then I just couldn't hold it in any longer.  It was one of the few songs I would sing to Trey when he was a baby, or hum rather, if I couldn't remember all the words and the memories came flooding back.  Over the summer Ariel had been laid off and I was hoping that she would move in with me so I could save my house and save her some money on rent but that was not in the cards.  Something was going on there but I couldn't quite figure out what the problem was.  I don't think she was very happy that I was helping Scott set up the computers and software used to run his company and then getting him caught up on the invoices that were long over due.      

The end of August was Trey's 18th birthday and a lot of the kids gathered out at dads to have a little party.  There was a bonfire, food and cake.  Most of the kids were absolutely great at the time and they were all being kids.  It was here someone was playing with my camera and done something with the settings that caused a mess of blurry pictures and because I was so off I didn't catch it.  It seems like everything I used to do before was now the hardest things in the world for me to do.  Welcome to the new normal.  One of the first three girls who had touched my heart earlier was now a different girl all together.  She became extremely intrusive and I think she was losing her mind or was pretending... I don't really know.  That night she became very disrespectful and I asked her to leave.  She wouldn't and went to my dad who wouldn't make her leave.  She did everything to be the center of attention that night and both Rosco and I had already talked to her parents.  Neither of them had much control over her so that was a non issue.  No matter what relationship I had with my ex mother in law, I would have never used her sons death as a bid for attention which was exactly what this kid was doing.  And she wasn't even dating Trey or anything close to it.  That little girl had no idea how close she came to being body slammed on the pavement.  I may be old and tired but I had a lot of pent up anger just waiting for someone to come along and uncork it.  But I managed to restrain it because this was Trey's day not hers or mine for that matter and this girl was just a girl.  One who thought she could take me on but she simply had no idea what she was doing.  The other girls remain friends with her to this day and I am sure it will be a while before they figure out all her drama is self induced and her role in their lives is to drain them of all that makes them unique.  Again I call these people hoovers and I am so sorry for their friends and family.  

September and October the outside of the trailer had been replaced almost completely and things were coming along.  Rosco and Daisy's brother Luke had come to help with the construction and brought my favorite friend with him... Spartacus the bulldog.  That was the brightest point in the whole time, just being able to see him.  Daisy was still struggling tremendously with everything she had on her plate and finally had to quit the bar to go home and take care of her mom who was getting a little sicker everyday.  She was one of those persons who remained in the background of my life for so very long and because of the situation with her brother she was now gone too.  I know she may read this one day and I want her to know how very sorry I am for everything.  I know it doesn't mean very much now but I truly wanted all of us to be okay... but I went about it all wrong.  

By then I had pretty much given up on the idea of staying in my house because I couldn't pay the mortgage and more because Rosco was no help.  I had borrowed a little money from dad but wasn't going to keep doing that.  There was no point to that at all.  If something didn't change pretty soon then we would all be homeless.  I finally applied for unemployment and that helped a little bit and at the very least bought me some time.  Thanksgiving came and went and it was the saddest sight at my dads to see a big table as if he were expecting a lot of kids or people to come by.  That year it was just the three of us with a dinner from the local supper market and I can't say I had any appetite that day.  After that, things pretty much went down hill very quickly.  My dad in a fit of rage burnt the bed I had brought down there from my house, that Trey had slept in, to go back in his room when it was to be finished and at some point in time he erased the answering machine message of Trey's voice.  I was losing the last bit of patience I had at that point in time.  Worked stopped on the house and the tensions were becoming tighter than a cork screw in a shaken champagne bottle just waiting to be popped.

Rosco pushed one last time and was met with a resounding force that was quick and brutal.  Glass was broken including a table that held a computer and I threatened him with a broken beer bottle because he would not leave my house.  I had to push him and pull him out of my house all the while he was screaming assault.  A 250 lb drunk man acting like a two year old toddler was just the thing that popped that cork.  This man had not shut up at all since he had been around and he was playing everybody against everybody.  Once I got him out of my house I used a shoe lace to tie the storm door handle to the front door handle making it impossible for him to get inside with out breaking the glass.  I called the police that night because Rosco used the ladder on the back deck to try and get into the office windows on the back side of the house.  He was then met with a can of WD-40 and a bic lighter when I heard the noise and went to check it out.  When he saw what I had in my hand he backed his butt right down that ladder.  Once the police came to talk to me he stayed outside on Daisy's stoop and could hear everything I said.  I told the cops loudly that if he tried to bother me one more time I would light him up like the 4th of July and meant every word of it.  During his time there he had lied about his son dying while overseas in Iraq, milked it for all it was worth and when we found out it wasn't true he blamed someone else.  I had 2 qualification to be my roommate and they were reasonably sane and gainfully employed and he failed spectacularly.  I had reached my limit on his soul sucking behavior and responded in the only language he understood.  So the lesson is


Rosco eventually cost Daisy her place but just before she came back to get the rest of her stuff he had a bunch of the kids, Trey's friends, stay in her house just because he wanted to seem like the good guy in all this.  He later moved in with MY dad and I was beginning to feel he was like herpes and I'd never get rid of him!  My dad was taken in by him too and nothing I could do or say made a difference so I stopped trying.  Before the other brother Luke left he gave me his best friend Spartacus because he saw how much pain I was in and knew I loved that dog more than anything at this point.  And because he loved him too, it made it all the more special for me because he had shown that no matter his problems he was still a better person than his brother and that really says it all... at least to me.  I will always be eternally grateful for everything both Luke and Daisy had done but I let Rosco destroy that because I let him in.  Mom came back from SC and we both went to pack the rest of her things which I then had to take and unload back in SC.  This was one of the last times I saw dad and he already looked like a broken man, but still refused to hear a word I had to say.  After some months my dad finally had to admit that he made the mistake with Rosco too but by then it was way to late for us because he had chose him over me.  After that I chose to be done too... with the whole situation and I haven't looked back.  They never finished the house and I thought it was such a waste most especially Trey's room. 

"Rosco" aka Hurricane Don the Con (top left facing the camera) moved onto better victims and you can read about it  here.  Yes that was my poor father on the video and not very happy about it either but they have since taken the video down.  Don ultimately took and wasted about $5000 of dad's money and so many peoples time in business ventures that never materialized. He cost roughly 10 people their jobs and their life savings. In addition to that, he conned the attorney's office into doing about $3000 of work for fictional purposes or planned deception.  He defrauded several companies of payment of materials or services rendered and will continue to do so.  He continues to defraud any governmental program available to help the less fortunate and has the abilities to work any and all situations to his favor.  Despite his denial there were/are several warrants through out the area and in different states for this man.  If you engage with this man for any reason please use extreme caution and never let him around any of your children at any age.  They do not have the experience to deal with this type of individual and you will do well if you remove him from your life too.   


24. Means the Old World Must Go >>>>> 

No comments:

Post a Comment