1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
There is so much going on in the world right now that I had to speak out in the earlier post, but this one is a little closer to home. Many women out there will understand what I am taking about depending on the age and experience with the opposite sex. If by some small miracle there is a man reading this please don't think it will be a typical male bashing piece because it won't be. I like guys... well most of them anyway and have had longer lasting friendships with guys than girls over the years so I've had the privilege of being considered one of the guys. If you know me you know I am not a girly girl. Why you ask? Too much trouble. Finding flattering clothes is difficult enough... I hate malls, high heels, constricting bras and pantyhose. Not to mention the older you get the more you find out about how make up is tested or produced and it's enough to turn your stomach sometimes. The one thing I did maintain for years was my hair, so I didn't forsake all vanity...until now. About a year ago I just got tired of all the hassle so I had it cut off very short. Even shorter than my mom used to make me wear when I was young and the grey is here to stay I'm afraid. I will always love shoes though! Anyway the time it takes for the typical women to get ready in the morning is way more time than I had and I certainly wasn't worried about things like sex appeal. In fact the world seems to have a very hypocritical view towards sex and over time I noticed that the more sex appeal you have... at least on the out side... the less seriously you are taken. And ladies don't let some men fool you when you hear them say " I love women with power tools" because some don't really mean it. When you go to Lowes or HD and you start to acquire stuff for any projects then when the guys realize that it is a two party project... they aren't so happy about your power tools! All of this is to give you a quick idea of how I relate to things between the sexes.
I also posted previously The Power of You in which I detailed one of many life changing events but not even the first! I also mentioned a relationship I had with a guy who I call mistake # 2 or for this purpose lets call him Marvelous. Marvelous was a bad boy with a bad body when we were young and he drifted into and out of our group on the south side of Charlotte at the time. There was something about him I couldn't get out of my mind and the connection we had was beyond my understanding. But the time was never right, then I married my ex, Marvelous disappeared, then reappeared just as the implosion of my marriage was at the blast off point. I knew he was a bad boy so make no mistake it was my fault I got involved with him and blame no one but me. The few minutes we got to spend alone in his little hole in the wall was very sweet and he loved to play the hero. It took a few months to get out of the house with my ex and he was around during and after but things began to go downhill before he got caught in a whopper of a lie when confronted way back in the day, when I was about 19. The lie was... "That wasn't me that rode by your exes dad's house screaming at the top of my lungs." Really? Considering all that happened that night it was safe to say he was completely full of it because everyone saw him! I left him right then and there but he wasn't going to let me go that easily. He did of course start dating another girl immediately after but still continued to call me and plead his case.
At one point Marvelous was even trying to start a fight between his new girl and me when she stole some stuff that belonged to me that was at his parents. Marvelous was not a smart man because he wound up in jail about that time but asked me to come and see him before he was shipped out of state. So I made the trip uptown to the intake center and was confronted with his new girl... who had a lot to say on the phone but when I was in person... suddenly didn't have so much to say! He gave some bs reason why he was in jail but he was gone for 9 years. I certainly hoped he didn't think I was going to wait on him because I wasn't. In fact I was so disgusted with him and his constant lies about everything that I slept with his brother knowing word would get back to him and maybe he'd think I was such a bitch he would leave me alone. In my infinite wisdom at that age I thought I would send him a letter in prison telling him I am moving on with my life and even included a glamour shots picture of me showing how good I looked to boot. No such luck! I know mom and dad got collect calls every now and then because that was the only number he had. He wrote a lot to me when he was in prison but mom thew out most of it as soon as it showed up. After all this though, he was still in my system.
Why? I don't know. I will always remember that mental picture of him sleeping on the couch with baby Trey on his bare chest when I got home from work one night and it stuck with me. That was after I told my ex I wanted a divorce but before I had moved out completely at the time. My ex had been so mad that he and all the friends took off to the beach and left me with no one but my mother in law to babysit... and that did not work out!!! It could have been that he tried to take up for me and later whoopin' my exes butt in a the middle of the road one night. Maybe because we are all looking for our soul mate and when we are young we can overlook many things hoping the other will grow up and care. All I do know is when he was in prison I thought about him from time to time even though I had moved on but I still felt I had something to say about how things went down so I wrote him a letter in 99. Dumb huh? For the longest time afterward I would think so but now I know it was something deeper. He wrote back that he was getting out in 2 weeks and wanted to see me! Talk about timing! So I saw him on the first day out and he looked good as always but he seemed more subdued. I guess prison will do that to ya. We talked about a lot of stuff and he seemed like he had grown up but having experienced a lot I didn't believe it. He wanted a relationship even after all that transpired and said he would do anything to get his life back together. After a bit he showed he was serious and so I stupidly gave him a chance. He had a lot of energy and I have always been able to see the potential in people even if they will never recognize it for themselves. Yeah I know... what a dumb move but after all the conditions of release had been met he got a good job and things went pretty smoothly for about 2 years. Then the problems came out like a marching band at a high school ball game.
He celebrated being a sliver of a Native American Indian but denied the 50 % Latino with the last name the equivalent of the American Smith. Even when I met his uncle from Texas who was a very sweet man and actually worked at a bottling plant there. How? Si? ;) His dad reminded me more of ZZ Top than anything though. At 27 I had just started to work at the PI firm and the hours were brutal. That first year I worked almost 80 hours a week and that left a lot of time for Marvelous to get into trouble and he did every chance he got. Over the next 5 or 6 years he was busted cheating on me and I found out much later of course about his coke habit which explained why he always has an abundance of energy. He had started working as a bouncer in a strip bar which I minded some but I am a realist. It was good money and with his record there weren't many options. I threw him out when I found the proof and told him... Don't let the door knob hit ya where the good Lord split ya! Even then his new stripper girlfriend would call me at all hours of the night just to talk junk. Seems Marvelous had kidney stones and at the time I thought it couldn't happen to a nicer person! After a month this girl was ready to have him locked up again and then claimed she was pregnant too. Scared the snot out of him or so I thought so I gave him a pass on the first one because I knew 9 years inside was a long time. (Okay guys... whether you think I am really dumb or not you got to admit I am a pretty open minded person!) As I said before Marvelous had a hero complex it seems but only if it didn't require too much effort on his part. His three main focuses were food, fun and ... well you get the picture. I call them the three F's and of course he thought Everybody Wants You.
He also loves to karaoke but he could NOT carry a tune in a bucket with a handle and I still can't listen to this tune anymore because of it. The lesson here is if you don't remember the words to the song AND you can not read as fast as the teleprompter... then maybe karaoke is NOT for you! He also loved Ozzy and wore me out with it. In fact one of his friends told him the 80's called and they wanted their life back. I knew I couldn't sing unless I was alone in the car but he would get up and make a fool of himself in front of anybody. Just give him a mike. He wanted to have everything at once without really paying for it and would only use the excuse of seeing his daughter or parents when it suited his cover. And his other brother really did live in a Little Pink House, so Marvelous sometimes would use him as a cover as well. We both had spent a lot of time over at his parents house for holiday's and they celebrated traditional redneck style. I got to know his family all over again and they too were loud in your face, gun totin' kind of peeps. Just how I liked it! Since their family got together on the actual holidays unlike ours because of scheduling conflicts, Trey only got to go every other Christmas but it was fun for the kids to get together. Marvelous made a big show about giving me a ring one year but it was not an engagement ring. He had asked me repeatedly to marry him, but that just wasn't happening. I didn't want to marry someone who wanted to be single or a big kid the rest of his life and it didn't look like I was his Some Kind of Wonderful.
Duh huh!
I now suspected he was with several different women and just got better at lying. After a while I was trapped in this mess I had made and even my friends were looking at me like I had lost what was left of my mind. Marvelous really was a compulsive liar and a very good one too. He lied to everyone including his family and friends so I don't feel so alone in that department. I had a mortgage and a lot going on at the time and then in 06 I totaled my Honda when an uninsured motorist pulled out in front of me. Long story short is I bought a Blazer from a friend because Marvelous said he could fix my car and when it was done he would drive the Blazer. During that time I also decided to remodel my bathroom because it was long over due and started the process. That year was hard on both of us I suspect but I wouldn't have taken on the project if he hadn't adamantly said it was no problem! Humph! That was also the time when I got a call from my boss telling me a bounty hunter friend of theirs was getting ready to break down the new doors to my house looking for our new roommate that was a friend of Marvelous'. Marvelous made it to the house in pretty good time since I was stuck in another county working and couldn't do anything about the situation except to talk to the bounty hunter on the phone. Turns out the roommate skipped on a DUI bail which was completely stupid in my opinion and then ran leaving his few humble belongings at the house. Marvelous and the bounty hunter clashed, big surprise there right, and he just couldn't understand that it could effect my job! Just because he was a useful idiot sometimes didn't mean I wanted to be an unemployed bitch because of him. I ultimately made friends with the bounty hunter because he was nice to me and was just doing his job. But I lost several things in storage that both boys had there to make room for him and neither one could care about that.
Marvelous was and is a compulsive liar. He would lie about the smallest things and the only time he told the truth was when he admitted that he was a compulsive liar. He couldn't understand why I hated the lies and what the big deal was but I now know that was an act. He understood perfectly what the problems were but saw no reason to not lie. It was easier than being real because to be real you have to care. I now also know that he spent a lot of time shopping for a new relationship and when he'd found a new victim be gone in a flash or when tax season came around and he'd have a few dollars in his pocket. I think at most I was nothing but a security blanket for him when all else failed. The sad truth is I really loved this jerk and hoped that one day he would really mean it when he said he loved me. Marvelous simply couldn't love anyone. He had no idea what love is or what being a real grown up man was supposed to do and he damn sure wasn't going to be learning any time soon. His excuse was always prison and he thought it gave him a pass to do anything he pleased. He still has no idea how much hurt he caused because it was never important to him.
Well toward the end of 06 things were getting worse because he definitely wasn't strong enough to be my man like he promised all those years ago... I could feel it In the Air Tonight and I was tired of wielding a Sledgehammer to get through to him. In December, I also suspected he was sleeping with another girl but decided to wait until after Christmas to do anything. He beat me to it by breaking up and walking out a week or two before Christmas and ruined what would turn out to be my last real full Christmas family holiday with my son before he died. In 07 Trey was living with his dad but came home before school started and that Christmas was really tense because of the drama with that. Poor Trey was so disappointed that his dad didn't bother to buy him anything for Christmas that year and our time together then was so stressful because he was just as hurt and mad as I was. Trey even sent a text to a friend of his (that I still have) about how his father forgot him. It broke my heart too. So many things were going on at one time that it was hard to catch my breath let alone make some kind of plan to handle everything. But my concerns about Marvelous were confirmed when a friend of his came by looking for him the day after he left and when he found out he was gone he told me that Marvelous really hadn't been at his house all night when he said he had. Now suspecting it is one thing by having conformation was like a match to a fuse. I knew it was time for him to Go Your Own Way and I was Never Going Back Again.
I was beyond mad and hurt but I wasn't Holding back The Years and decided that this was going to be the last time I dealt with Marvelous. Right! He of course had other plans but I started by humming his stuff out the front door in heaps outside. Yes I went trailer park on him, or his stiff rather. The neighbors would walk by or come home and just see stuff flying out the front door in no order and no regard for anything breakable. I had told him he better get all his stuff out and fast and when he didn't listen, I did it myself. Note to reader, when throwing breakables outside place them in a handy garbage bag first for easier clean up! Carrie Underwood didn't have nothing on me at that time! My dad also had called at just the right time, asked to speak with him, and then threatened to blow his head off as I watched the blood drain from his face because he knew my dad well. It took about 3 days to get all of his stuff out of my house and it was just in time for the 3 days of rain we had :) He was pissed about his stuff that had been sitting out side now for two weeks and since the hood had moved in... things go missing pretty quick... but it was his problem as far as I was concerned. He could have taken care of business but was too busy playing. Now get this... about a month after he left he started blowing up my phone calling all the time for about 2 weeks straight. I would disconnect the call because I didn't want to hear his voice on the answering machine but he was persistent. In fact when my great grandmother MawMaw died and we were attending the funeral I had to turn the phone off just to make it through the service. It was a work phone so changing the number was difficult but after 2 weeks my friend Scott said just see what he wants... so I did. He asked me to give him a reference so he could rent an apartment. I said only if you leave me alone. When the fax came in from the rental office it had his and his new girlfriend's name on it!...I wrote and faxed back " I wouldn't rent them a cardboard box for $1000 a month!...cash!"
Trey died about a year or so later and my whole world died with him. At that time every minute I spent wasted with Marvelous seemed incredibly vile because I couldn't go back and change things. It meant I'd have to go back and start from scratch in the forgiveness process. But first Marvelous was going to take one last thing from me and that was my right to not see him at Trey's funeral. In fact he had his dad drive him and when he showed up he was warned to leave the property and still made a big scene. What a guy! It was okay the rest of his family was there but he was not invited. After a few months I wrote Marvelous a letter and mailed it to his folks because I knew they would read it and I told him and them just how low in the human gene pool they were and meant every word of it. I heard his parents were pissed but so what! What did they expect...a glowing recommendation on what a great guy Marvelous was? Really? His father was a loud obnoxious drunk that cheated on his wife too and had no morals to teach his kids so what did they expect? Only reason his dad liked me in the first place was because I didn't take any of his crap so I don't know why they thought I'd hold back then. Well it took a lot but I finally got rid of the bond I felt for Marvelous and got rid of him too. If not, the only thing left is to go Union County redneck on him for which there is no cure, no treatment or no way to save him because I am Gone and he can Kiss This because I ain't Settlin', for any of his drama anymore.
Looking back I feel like I had to resolve some karma and I guess he was just the person to do it with. I don't think he resolved his but just put it on a tab so he can pick it up at the end. Marvelous may be a sex and drug addict, has no conscience, no empathy and every emotion is faked to get a response. I think he was born with one but he either lost it, sold it or staved it to death. He played on my sympathy and in the end he just didn't care... couldn't care. Unfortunately there are too many just like him in the world and that's why I wrote this so that maybe a young girl or woman will read it and see some things that could save them a multitude of problems down the road. You can not rehabilitate anyone without a conscience. Period. There is nothing to rehabilitate! Real men are not showy and they probably won't confess their undying love for you from the roof tops. Real men do not promise, they just do. They are often quiet and unsure of themselves so we are quick to dismiss them. In my experience pretty boys are just that... pretty and petty. Marvelous was mild compared to some of the narcissus out there but could be considered more of a sociopath. He wasn't violent and he didn't want to take over the world but he did lie, steal and cheat for his own gain. And those types will do nothing but drain you whether it be your energy or your bank account. I am lucky because I have seen many women who were not and was thankful for that from the bottom of my heart... until Trey died. Marvelous however was a very lucky man because I didn't buy a gun. He knew I might use it!
Not sure who this applies to more... me or him?
This is one of the few pictures that remain of Marvelous because I tore up every single other one I could find after the last time except for one other with his daughter that was from way back. I found this photo between a book and that is the only reason it survived and the few others were found much later when moving.
Update! This idiot emailed me in May of 2013 and said, "I "steel" love you and miss you." Then wondered why I wouldn't talk to him. Hmmm let me think... So I blocked him from sending me any more emails. After thinking a moment, I started laughing because I could just see some other woman catching him cheating on her then throwing his stuff out and him being homeless. But really he was probably just hoping the security blanket was still available because he was in another bind somewhere, somehow. Never again.
Eric Claptons' Pretending
Annie Lennox's Why
Clapton with Phil Collins Bad Love
Cher A song for the lonely
Cher Believe
8. I made a choice to make a change >>>>>
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these links to read in order (some chapters have songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
There is so much going on in the world right now that I had to speak out in the earlier post, but this one is a little closer to home. Many women out there will understand what I am taking about depending on the age and experience with the opposite sex. If by some small miracle there is a man reading this please don't think it will be a typical male bashing piece because it won't be. I like guys... well most of them anyway and have had longer lasting friendships with guys than girls over the years so I've had the privilege of being considered one of the guys. If you know me you know I am not a girly girl. Why you ask? Too much trouble. Finding flattering clothes is difficult enough... I hate malls, high heels, constricting bras and pantyhose. Not to mention the older you get the more you find out about how make up is tested or produced and it's enough to turn your stomach sometimes. The one thing I did maintain for years was my hair, so I didn't forsake all vanity...until now. About a year ago I just got tired of all the hassle so I had it cut off very short. Even shorter than my mom used to make me wear when I was young and the grey is here to stay I'm afraid. I will always love shoes though! Anyway the time it takes for the typical women to get ready in the morning is way more time than I had and I certainly wasn't worried about things like sex appeal. In fact the world seems to have a very hypocritical view towards sex and over time I noticed that the more sex appeal you have... at least on the out side... the less seriously you are taken. And ladies don't let some men fool you when you hear them say " I love women with power tools" because some don't really mean it. When you go to Lowes or HD and you start to acquire stuff for any projects then when the guys realize that it is a two party project... they aren't so happy about your power tools! All of this is to give you a quick idea of how I relate to things between the sexes.
I also posted previously The Power of You in which I detailed one of many life changing events but not even the first! I also mentioned a relationship I had with a guy who I call mistake # 2 or for this purpose lets call him Marvelous. Marvelous was a bad boy with a bad body when we were young and he drifted into and out of our group on the south side of Charlotte at the time. There was something about him I couldn't get out of my mind and the connection we had was beyond my understanding. But the time was never right, then I married my ex, Marvelous disappeared, then reappeared just as the implosion of my marriage was at the blast off point. I knew he was a bad boy so make no mistake it was my fault I got involved with him and blame no one but me. The few minutes we got to spend alone in his little hole in the wall was very sweet and he loved to play the hero. It took a few months to get out of the house with my ex and he was around during and after but things began to go downhill before he got caught in a whopper of a lie when confronted way back in the day, when I was about 19. The lie was... "That wasn't me that rode by your exes dad's house screaming at the top of my lungs." Really? Considering all that happened that night it was safe to say he was completely full of it because everyone saw him! I left him right then and there but he wasn't going to let me go that easily. He did of course start dating another girl immediately after but still continued to call me and plead his case.
At one point Marvelous was even trying to start a fight between his new girl and me when she stole some stuff that belonged to me that was at his parents. Marvelous was not a smart man because he wound up in jail about that time but asked me to come and see him before he was shipped out of state. So I made the trip uptown to the intake center and was confronted with his new girl... who had a lot to say on the phone but when I was in person... suddenly didn't have so much to say! He gave some bs reason why he was in jail but he was gone for 9 years. I certainly hoped he didn't think I was going to wait on him because I wasn't. In fact I was so disgusted with him and his constant lies about everything that I slept with his brother knowing word would get back to him and maybe he'd think I was such a bitch he would leave me alone. In my infinite wisdom at that age I thought I would send him a letter in prison telling him I am moving on with my life and even included a glamour shots picture of me showing how good I looked to boot. No such luck! I know mom and dad got collect calls every now and then because that was the only number he had. He wrote a lot to me when he was in prison but mom thew out most of it as soon as it showed up. After all this though, he was still in my system.
Why? I don't know. I will always remember that mental picture of him sleeping on the couch with baby Trey on his bare chest when I got home from work one night and it stuck with me. That was after I told my ex I wanted a divorce but before I had moved out completely at the time. My ex had been so mad that he and all the friends took off to the beach and left me with no one but my mother in law to babysit... and that did not work out!!! It could have been that he tried to take up for me and later whoopin' my exes butt in a the middle of the road one night. Maybe because we are all looking for our soul mate and when we are young we can overlook many things hoping the other will grow up and care. All I do know is when he was in prison I thought about him from time to time even though I had moved on but I still felt I had something to say about how things went down so I wrote him a letter in 99. Dumb huh? For the longest time afterward I would think so but now I know it was something deeper. He wrote back that he was getting out in 2 weeks and wanted to see me! Talk about timing! So I saw him on the first day out and he looked good as always but he seemed more subdued. I guess prison will do that to ya. We talked about a lot of stuff and he seemed like he had grown up but having experienced a lot I didn't believe it. He wanted a relationship even after all that transpired and said he would do anything to get his life back together. After a bit he showed he was serious and so I stupidly gave him a chance. He had a lot of energy and I have always been able to see the potential in people even if they will never recognize it for themselves. Yeah I know... what a dumb move but after all the conditions of release had been met he got a good job and things went pretty smoothly for about 2 years. Then the problems came out like a marching band at a high school ball game.
He celebrated being a sliver of a Native American Indian but denied the 50 % Latino with the last name the equivalent of the American Smith. Even when I met his uncle from Texas who was a very sweet man and actually worked at a bottling plant there. How? Si? ;) His dad reminded me more of ZZ Top than anything though. At 27 I had just started to work at the PI firm and the hours were brutal. That first year I worked almost 80 hours a week and that left a lot of time for Marvelous to get into trouble and he did every chance he got. Over the next 5 or 6 years he was busted cheating on me and I found out much later of course about his coke habit which explained why he always has an abundance of energy. He had started working as a bouncer in a strip bar which I minded some but I am a realist. It was good money and with his record there weren't many options. I threw him out when I found the proof and told him... Don't let the door knob hit ya where the good Lord split ya! Even then his new stripper girlfriend would call me at all hours of the night just to talk junk. Seems Marvelous had kidney stones and at the time I thought it couldn't happen to a nicer person! After a month this girl was ready to have him locked up again and then claimed she was pregnant too. Scared the snot out of him or so I thought so I gave him a pass on the first one because I knew 9 years inside was a long time. (Okay guys... whether you think I am really dumb or not you got to admit I am a pretty open minded person!) As I said before Marvelous had a hero complex it seems but only if it didn't require too much effort on his part. His three main focuses were food, fun and ... well you get the picture. I call them the three F's and of course he thought Everybody Wants You.
He also loves to karaoke but he could NOT carry a tune in a bucket with a handle and I still can't listen to this tune anymore because of it. The lesson here is if you don't remember the words to the song AND you can not read as fast as the teleprompter... then maybe karaoke is NOT for you! He also loved Ozzy and wore me out with it. In fact one of his friends told him the 80's called and they wanted their life back. I knew I couldn't sing unless I was alone in the car but he would get up and make a fool of himself in front of anybody. Just give him a mike. He wanted to have everything at once without really paying for it and would only use the excuse of seeing his daughter or parents when it suited his cover. And his other brother really did live in a Little Pink House, so Marvelous sometimes would use him as a cover as well. We both had spent a lot of time over at his parents house for holiday's and they celebrated traditional redneck style. I got to know his family all over again and they too were loud in your face, gun totin' kind of peeps. Just how I liked it! Since their family got together on the actual holidays unlike ours because of scheduling conflicts, Trey only got to go every other Christmas but it was fun for the kids to get together. Marvelous made a big show about giving me a ring one year but it was not an engagement ring. He had asked me repeatedly to marry him, but that just wasn't happening. I didn't want to marry someone who wanted to be single or a big kid the rest of his life and it didn't look like I was his Some Kind of Wonderful.
I now suspected he was with several different women and just got better at lying. After a while I was trapped in this mess I had made and even my friends were looking at me like I had lost what was left of my mind. Marvelous really was a compulsive liar and a very good one too. He lied to everyone including his family and friends so I don't feel so alone in that department. I had a mortgage and a lot going on at the time and then in 06 I totaled my Honda when an uninsured motorist pulled out in front of me. Long story short is I bought a Blazer from a friend because Marvelous said he could fix my car and when it was done he would drive the Blazer. During that time I also decided to remodel my bathroom because it was long over due and started the process. That year was hard on both of us I suspect but I wouldn't have taken on the project if he hadn't adamantly said it was no problem! Humph! That was also the time when I got a call from my boss telling me a bounty hunter friend of theirs was getting ready to break down the new doors to my house looking for our new roommate that was a friend of Marvelous'. Marvelous made it to the house in pretty good time since I was stuck in another county working and couldn't do anything about the situation except to talk to the bounty hunter on the phone. Turns out the roommate skipped on a DUI bail which was completely stupid in my opinion and then ran leaving his few humble belongings at the house. Marvelous and the bounty hunter clashed, big surprise there right, and he just couldn't understand that it could effect my job! Just because he was a useful idiot sometimes didn't mean I wanted to be an unemployed bitch because of him. I ultimately made friends with the bounty hunter because he was nice to me and was just doing his job. But I lost several things in storage that both boys had there to make room for him and neither one could care about that.
Marvelous was and is a compulsive liar. He would lie about the smallest things and the only time he told the truth was when he admitted that he was a compulsive liar. He couldn't understand why I hated the lies and what the big deal was but I now know that was an act. He understood perfectly what the problems were but saw no reason to not lie. It was easier than being real because to be real you have to care. I now also know that he spent a lot of time shopping for a new relationship and when he'd found a new victim be gone in a flash or when tax season came around and he'd have a few dollars in his pocket. I think at most I was nothing but a security blanket for him when all else failed. The sad truth is I really loved this jerk and hoped that one day he would really mean it when he said he loved me. Marvelous simply couldn't love anyone. He had no idea what love is or what being a real grown up man was supposed to do and he damn sure wasn't going to be learning any time soon. His excuse was always prison and he thought it gave him a pass to do anything he pleased. He still has no idea how much hurt he caused because it was never important to him.
Well toward the end of 06 things were getting worse because he definitely wasn't strong enough to be my man like he promised all those years ago... I could feel it In the Air Tonight and I was tired of wielding a Sledgehammer to get through to him. In December, I also suspected he was sleeping with another girl but decided to wait until after Christmas to do anything. He beat me to it by breaking up and walking out a week or two before Christmas and ruined what would turn out to be my last real full Christmas family holiday with my son before he died. In 07 Trey was living with his dad but came home before school started and that Christmas was really tense because of the drama with that. Poor Trey was so disappointed that his dad didn't bother to buy him anything for Christmas that year and our time together then was so stressful because he was just as hurt and mad as I was. Trey even sent a text to a friend of his (that I still have) about how his father forgot him. It broke my heart too. So many things were going on at one time that it was hard to catch my breath let alone make some kind of plan to handle everything. But my concerns about Marvelous were confirmed when a friend of his came by looking for him the day after he left and when he found out he was gone he told me that Marvelous really hadn't been at his house all night when he said he had. Now suspecting it is one thing by having conformation was like a match to a fuse. I knew it was time for him to Go Your Own Way and I was Never Going Back Again.
I was beyond mad and hurt but I wasn't Holding back The Years and decided that this was going to be the last time I dealt with Marvelous. Right! He of course had other plans but I started by humming his stuff out the front door in heaps outside. Yes I went trailer park on him, or his stiff rather. The neighbors would walk by or come home and just see stuff flying out the front door in no order and no regard for anything breakable. I had told him he better get all his stuff out and fast and when he didn't listen, I did it myself. Note to reader, when throwing breakables outside place them in a handy garbage bag first for easier clean up! Carrie Underwood didn't have nothing on me at that time! My dad also had called at just the right time, asked to speak with him, and then threatened to blow his head off as I watched the blood drain from his face because he knew my dad well. It took about 3 days to get all of his stuff out of my house and it was just in time for the 3 days of rain we had :) He was pissed about his stuff that had been sitting out side now for two weeks and since the hood had moved in... things go missing pretty quick... but it was his problem as far as I was concerned. He could have taken care of business but was too busy playing. Now get this... about a month after he left he started blowing up my phone calling all the time for about 2 weeks straight. I would disconnect the call because I didn't want to hear his voice on the answering machine but he was persistent. In fact when my great grandmother MawMaw died and we were attending the funeral I had to turn the phone off just to make it through the service. It was a work phone so changing the number was difficult but after 2 weeks my friend Scott said just see what he wants... so I did. He asked me to give him a reference so he could rent an apartment. I said only if you leave me alone. When the fax came in from the rental office it had his and his new girlfriend's name on it!...I wrote and faxed back " I wouldn't rent them a cardboard box for $1000 a month!...cash!"
Trey died about a year or so later and my whole world died with him. At that time every minute I spent wasted with Marvelous seemed incredibly vile because I couldn't go back and change things. It meant I'd have to go back and start from scratch in the forgiveness process. But first Marvelous was going to take one last thing from me and that was my right to not see him at Trey's funeral. In fact he had his dad drive him and when he showed up he was warned to leave the property and still made a big scene. What a guy! It was okay the rest of his family was there but he was not invited. After a few months I wrote Marvelous a letter and mailed it to his folks because I knew they would read it and I told him and them just how low in the human gene pool they were and meant every word of it. I heard his parents were pissed but so what! What did they expect...a glowing recommendation on what a great guy Marvelous was? Really? His father was a loud obnoxious drunk that cheated on his wife too and had no morals to teach his kids so what did they expect? Only reason his dad liked me in the first place was because I didn't take any of his crap so I don't know why they thought I'd hold back then. Well it took a lot but I finally got rid of the bond I felt for Marvelous and got rid of him too. If not, the only thing left is to go Union County redneck on him for which there is no cure, no treatment or no way to save him because I am Gone and he can Kiss This because I ain't Settlin', for any of his drama anymore.
Looking back I feel like I had to resolve some karma and I guess he was just the person to do it with. I don't think he resolved his but just put it on a tab so he can pick it up at the end. Marvelous may be a sex and drug addict, has no conscience, no empathy and every emotion is faked to get a response. I think he was born with one but he either lost it, sold it or staved it to death. He played on my sympathy and in the end he just didn't care... couldn't care. Unfortunately there are too many just like him in the world and that's why I wrote this so that maybe a young girl or woman will read it and see some things that could save them a multitude of problems down the road. You can not rehabilitate anyone without a conscience. Period. There is nothing to rehabilitate! Real men are not showy and they probably won't confess their undying love for you from the roof tops. Real men do not promise, they just do. They are often quiet and unsure of themselves so we are quick to dismiss them. In my experience pretty boys are just that... pretty and petty. Marvelous was mild compared to some of the narcissus out there but could be considered more of a sociopath. He wasn't violent and he didn't want to take over the world but he did lie, steal and cheat for his own gain. And those types will do nothing but drain you whether it be your energy or your bank account. I am lucky because I have seen many women who were not and was thankful for that from the bottom of my heart... until Trey died. Marvelous however was a very lucky man because I didn't buy a gun. He knew I might use it!
Update! This idiot emailed me in May of 2013 and said, "I "steel" love you and miss you." Then wondered why I wouldn't talk to him. Hmmm let me think... So I blocked him from sending me any more emails. After thinking a moment, I started laughing because I could just see some other woman catching him cheating on her then throwing his stuff out and him being homeless. But really he was probably just hoping the security blanket was still available because he was in another bind somewhere, somehow. Never again.
Eric Claptons' Pretending
Annie Lennox's Why
Clapton with Phil Collins Bad Love
Cher A song for the lonely
Cher Believe
8. I made a choice to make a change >>>>>
No comments:
Post a Comment