Suppression Equals Depression.

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!

 
Ever wonder why so many people are depressed?  I have experienced a low level depression most of my life and even tried a generic script for one of those many medicines offered, can't remember which one now but I was sick to my stomach for 7 days and then... that was enough of that.  My body told me very clearly that it wasn't having it.  But at least I knew some of why I was feeling the way I did.  I wasn't happy with myself, my life, my family, friends or the world on any particular day.  Most of you can relate to the endless frustrations that mount up... and sometimes that simmering anger has no where to go.  And no matter how hard we work or what we do, it just never seems enough to keep the lights burning sometimes.  Just surviving is a depressing way to live.  I think the better question is why aren't more people depressed about the state of their lives than has been reported? 

It's gotten harder to find ones place in this life much less a career that we are good at AND makes us content at the same time.  As we grow older our choices should have expanded somewhat but I found that they are shrinking in this day and age, whether we are aware of it or not.  And still I am one of the lucky ones because so many out there have so little to make it through the day, much less a week.  But as I've gone through life thinking it could be worse, it actually was in the end... at least for me.  I put off happiness and made do with what I had just like so many others today, too busy to see how fast their life was flying by  and everything becoming a blur.  Societies standards for beauty and behavior have corrupted our senses into believing we must conform to be accepted.  Business life has invaded our every moment and the demands never decrease.  Our own misguided idea's of what is right or perfect for us seems to conflict with what is expected of us.  Sometimes we spend too much time waiting for something to happen instead of going out and making it happen.  We have submitted to the daily grind knowing full well that we'll be ground down ever so slowly, even while denying it but progressing nonetheless.   

I know some of the reasons of depression because I have lived too many of them myself.  You are probably exhausted to the bone, full of useless information that we all accumulate like sponges.  You may even be trapped in a relationship with someone who simply may not be the right one for you or is a full on psychopath in which their job is to drain you of any and everything possible.  You may have a job that is beyond soul killing.  Least you have one... right?  You may find that the people you care for the most are the ones that disappoint you the fastest and leave you high and dry. You may have an obligation to take care of another like an aging parent or a special needs child who will be with you until the end.  Some of you are just moms or dads staying home to care for your kids and have little time for adult conversations much less any of the extras that are never ending in their own right.  Then the guilt we feel as a result of just trying to find a piece of ourselves is usually quick and suffocates much of the experience.  We don't stop worrying about our kids just because they are grown and more often we worry about so many others that are either gone such as military families or whether they will get hurt doing a job locally.  Some of you are dealing with addictions whether it's yours or another persons and the stigmas involved.  Many of you have lost ones you love too soon and some like me have had to endure the unimaginable by losing one of our own kids in one form or fashion.  Sometimes it all seems pointless to even get out of the bed depending on what you are struggling with but like many of you, I didn't have a choice in the matter either. 

During these everyday trials we stuff a little bit more of ourselves in a box for later but sometimes later never really comes.  Most of us with a conscience have felt that we were meant for something more in this life without ever putting our finger on just what that was supposed to be.  I think maybe our soul knows this and if we don't acknowledge it then it lets us know in what ever means it has available.  I know my depression started when I was young over how unnecessarily difficult every thing seemed to be and when I got older it was not being able to engage with the world as passionately as I had done in my youth.  I let too much of myself get put into that box and before I really knew what was happening... is was all gone.  For the ones who have turned to a church for a way to plug the hole that seems to get deeper by the day, you may find some solace within the bible but very few answers that hold real meaning in today's world.  Most of the people sitting with you are in the same position and are there for the many of the same reasons and while you may meet some really wonderful people, your soul still has not found what it is looking for or what it needs to complete this journey.  So very many of you are going to a therapist or worse a script happy doctor with a pocket full of free samples just so you can get a handle on the mountain of responsibilities you face or maybe the fact that you can't meet them.  

I am not saying that therapist and clergy are all bad, even though I am am not a fan of religion as I've posted before.  I do also understand that the chemical imbalances in the brain are thought to be the problem but still think there are reasons for the imbalances that are usually left unaddressed.  Don't doctors practice medicine?  Now too many are merely drug dealers.  Most people are having a hard time being honest with themselves about so very many things, so how will they ever get to the root of the problems whether it be emotional or physically related?  Honestly is severely lacking in our society and I also think the more we deny the truth about ourselves and the world, the more depressed we can become which lead to entropy.  And more importantly it can cause you to miss things that could save your life... or the lives of the ones you love.  Apparently things like environment, stress and diet have a tremendous effect on our bodies, mind and moods.  Emotions have another large part in our lives and sometimes seem to rule over us like a tidal wave.  The programs we have running through our minds 24/7 causes us to do things that make us miserable that in turn causes the emotions to ride the roller coaster.  Each time we deny the real problems in life we put a piece of ourselves in the box.  And the more of yourself that you put into that box the less you'll have to work with when you come to life's cross roads or even everyday decisions.  It will be easier to miss those all important signs that indicate where you should be going.  Missed opportunities means more depression and the cycles goes on and on... until you take control of your life and your health.  It will not be easy and there is no magic anything that will bring joy to your life.  I'm sure you'd have heard about it by now if there was such a thing.

Working through life's problems is tough and looking, seeing, understanding and applying effort to one's self is a monumental task.  Not everyone will be up to it and if you are be prepared to lose friends or family when you start on the journey to get out of the deep depressive state.  Everybody's got opinions but few people have the facts.  That's up to you to research because each case is different and needs different approaches.  If we as souls came to this earth, we came looking to feel the sensations and emotions of everything life had to offer, yet we spend a lot of time trying to forget the things we don't like.  To me that sort of defeats the purpose of being here, which is to learn by feeling, thinking and doing... then repeat as necessary.  But don't be surprised if you still go through a bout of depression from time to time, while you are still trying to resolve issues within yourself, because for some it seems to be or can be a stepping stone to deeper understanding of the meanings of life.  Well to the people who are sincerely searching for something more anyway.  I know that sounds odd but to me it also makes sense.   It took me a long time to realize that a lot of people I knew were all to happy to live the illusion as if it were a fun ride at the carnival without a thought of anything deeper.  I learned that I had been looking for people who were aware of the underlying realities that we all live with and they were few and far between.  For me not being able to connect and express myself with people who truly understand was and sometimes still is depressing.  Not being able to express my creativity and pursue the things that interested me was also suppressing to my soul.        

I have denied myself the things that I needed the most and did it to keep the peace within the circles I was in.  I found that once you start down that road it is harder to change course the further you travel down it.  I sacrificed for the wrong people and it was evident long before Trey died.  I must point out the obvious but assholes don't seem to have a problem expressing themselves or taking what they want, when they want it.  So it must be said that...

                        
This is truly important and must be dealt with first before moving on the journey to freedom from depression.  There is hope and if you are willing to work on you and your life you will find a way.  Considering I've had so few issues with health problems after my youth I am relatively lucky.  As a child I had strep throat and later after Trey was born right before the break up of my marriage I had the shingles at 19 years old... and found my first gray hair at 22.   Later again around the age of 32ish I had the weirdest thing happen when I was washing dishes.  It felt like a drain plug had been popped in my feet, where the energy just drained out of me, which caused a slight dizziness.  I had to sit, then lay down on the floor where, I suddenly got extremely hot and then finally start to sweat, which then let me cool down.  Although I've never had high blood pressure, in fact it falls on the low side, I'm not sure what the slight roaring in my ears were either.  It was over in less than 10 minutes but I still felt weak when I got up for a bit.  That happened one more time about a year or so later and then... that was that.  Never happened again and I've been trying to research if that was a panic attack or what.  Other than constant sinus trouble my biggest problems by far were my teeth which I've talked about before.  Not matter how much time, effort and money I poured into my mouth, it wasn't enough to save them and they started to fall out piece by piece.  I know drinking soda's didn't help, nor the junk food I ate, but the more I have been reading the more I'm understanding the connections to all the unresolved issues probably had an even bigger impact on the health of my teeth.

Sick and tired of being sick, tired and stressed out to the breaking point? Then this article written by Gabriela Segura MD will help you tremendously and naturally.

http://www.sott.net/article/261360-Mass-nervous-breakdown-Millions-of-Americans-on-the-brink-as-stress-pandemic-ravages-society

7. Practicing Awareness >>>>>

Sex, drugs and smoking.

 <<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!
 

What do all these things have in common?  They all seems to be hotly debated among many, inside and outside of politics.  Birth control has come under threat... again so we'll continue providing fresh warm bodies for war and possibly worse.  Prescription drugs are killing more people than they help and smoking a plain old tobacco cigarette is being blamed for many of the world ills.  Really?  Read these articles again.  I thought we were trying to go forward but the tug of war goes on and on.  I'll admit when I was young, smoke stunk to high heaven but as I got older it became cool.  Then it was a way to calm my nerves and finally... I just like to smoke.  Recently I found out about a chemical free cigarette other than the roll your owns and the difference is night and day.  It almost reminds me of the stuff the old timers smoked and the flavored tobacco smells so divine.  I've had several conversations with non smokers and understand their concerns, especially about the smell.  They have a right to avoid smoke and I respect that.  There are solutions to this problem that are very effective but again it all boils down to cost and control.   I even had a little conversation with a newer internet acquaintance and when the conversation was over, they promptly deleted me.  

The conversation started over a link to a video I posted called Smoking Bans: Killing our job, our health and our freedoms.  I try hard not to debate people with deep rooted beliefs because it is the proverbial brick wall I keep talking about, but this one had made several comments on a few other posts about vegans verses meat eaters that let me know they didn't approve of that comparison either, right after they stated, "Yeah. I'm in the 'everything in moderation' camp."

Them:  I can't watch this on my Nook, but smoking bans are killing our HEALTH? 

Me:  Yes they are saying that the quit smoking drugs are way worse than smoking itself. And to be honest the gov does NOT really care about our health and the banning of smoking is another control factor. 

Them:  Then they're not destroying OUR health. They might be affecting the health of those people who CHOOSE to quit a horrible, unhealthy habit by using the drugs. 

Me:  The problem is the med's to quit have a side effect that either makes them suicidal which does not effect non smokers BUT if they become homicidal then I'd say yes they can destroy lives quite easily. It is so easy to go after the smokers than the big business polluters that cause more damage than all the smokers combined.

Them:  Then get the drugs taken off the market. Or make the side effects so well-known that people avoid them. Or do more to teach kids how truly AWFUL smoking is so fewer of them start and quitting drugs won't have a market. Smoking BANS are not the issue. As a non-smoker who was so tired of breathing in someone else's disgusting, unhealthy habit and stinking of it after being in a public place, I'm SO grateful for them. I wish there were more of them.

Me:  First I understand where you are coming from but I am a smoker. A considerate one at that and think big pharma is not going to pull any medication from the market... even it it kills thousands. As much as I agree with kids not smoking, I found it doesn't matter so much what we think... they will do what they want when they can. I think making so many things available but forbidden makes them so much harder to resist... no matter what age you are. Bans ARE the issue because it should be settled with the individual business and IF they gave smokers a properly ventilated place to smoke then it would be a non issue all the way around. If you start advocating the use of banning things you don't like or agree with then I wouldn't be surprised when the things you use starts to get banned eventually. Remember it is about dividing the masses and having them turn on one another... so we will not be paying attention to what the PTB are doing.

Them:  We're going to have to agree to disagree.

Me:  I can live with that. :)

Delete.  The end.  So much for tolerance.  I do wish them well and only use this as an example of the mindset.  But honestly to their last response I wanted to write... I don't particularly like intolerance and ignorance but I am not out there pushing for a ban on those... the world then might be a pretty empty place.  But I refrained and tried my best to use the little information I had retained to explain another view point.  I'm sure there are more well meaning but misinformed people out there that are married to their beliefs.  Be careful because it could cost you, your life.  As always I am not advocating you to smoke... just let me smoke in peace.  I really don't understand all these folks who want to live forever or at least a very long time.  To do so you have to give up many things that may be considered unhealthy... but for me quality is more important than quantity of life... and I've felt that way for a very long time.  But as it turns out, if smoking helps more than it harms then the jokes on me... again.  The following referers to Authoritative Followers who believe in what they hear and not what the see but illustrates the point so well.   

 From the book "When Prophecy Fails." Festinger observed:

A man with a conviction is a hard man to change. Tell him you disagree and he turns away. Show him facts or figures and he questions your sources. Appeal to logic and he fails to see your point.

We have all experienced the futility of trying to change a strong conviction, especially if the convinced person has some investment in his belief. We are familiar with the variety of ingenious defenses with which people protect their convictions, managing to keep them unscathed through the most devastating attacks.

But man's resourcefulness goes beyond simply protecting a belief. Suppose an individual believes something with his whole heart; suppose further that he has a commitment to this belief, that he has taken irrevocable actions because of it; finally, suppose that he is presented with evidence, unequivocal and undeniable evidence, that his belief is wrong: what will happen? The individual will frequently emerge, not only unshaken, but even more convinced of the truth of his beliefs than ever before. Indeed, he may even show a new fervor about convincing and converting other people to his view.

It seems that part of the problem has to do with ego and the need to be "right." People with a high "need to be right" or "perfect" seem to be unable to acknowledge that they have been conned. "There is no crime in the cynical American calendar more humiliating than to be a sucker." People will go along with and support a psychopath, in the face of evidence that they have and ARE being conned, because their own ego structure depends on being right, and to admit an error of judgment would destroy their carefully constructed image of themselves.

Even more amazing is the fact that when psychopaths do get exposed by someone who is not afraid to admit that they have been conned, the psychopath is a master at painting their victims as the "real culprits." Hare cites a case of the third wife of a forty year old high school teacher:   

Drug companies want us to use their scripts to quit smoking and now it seem like they'd rather sell us prenatal vitamins than birth control.  Why are the republicans, religious right and the drug companies so interested in what we as women do with our bodies?  Have we already gone too far?  This author of Thoughts of the Feminist Movement: Why I don't clap along, writes so eloquently and echo's how I feel about the ideas society sells us as being free.  Here is a chart that shows who has made the most comments on women's issues, and will you be surprised at the results?   I have and will always advocate for choice when it comes to issues like abortion, adoption, orientation, birth control and any other decision that involves a commitment.  Why?  I think it's being responsible that counts the most when weighing all the available facts around you... even if it's a little late... better late than never.  Mistakes happen and I live in the real world were sex is pushed in every direction and some men are not fathers in any reality.  People are different, situations are different, available options are different and most importantly... if you don't have a support system that can help you then it will have an effect on the decisions you have to make.  It's easy for others to judge you without ever walking a mile in your shoes but do not let that detract you from doing what's right for you and those you care for... whatever that choice may be.  And these doctors who feel as if they can play God have absolutely no clue either, so I can't waste any more time on them.  Also if you're aware of the amount of pharmaceuticals that are routinely flushed into the toilets and the fluoridation already present in our drinking water, just how can any doctor tell us what is wrong with us, much less how to fix it?  I guess we should be thankful that our water is a bit cleaner than other parts of the world. 

So with all of this, how can anyone still think the people who really run this world... care about the rest of us in any form what so ever?  Why do so many still continue to follow bad advice with out doing any serious research on whatever problem they have?  And most importantly have folks given up on working together to solve a problem instead of just banning things that don't suit them?  Why does everyone want to be different but they can't live with the differences themselves?  I guess it is easier than taking on issues like the corruption of our food, schools, wall street, war in the middle east or the one right here at home.  You know the one... the war for our every freedom and rights as a human being.  The more things are banned the more products for the black markets to flourish.  Prohibition didn't work then and it will not work now.  As for the women out there I guess our last option is to stop having relations completely until there are some serious changes brought about... especially if you can't have a smoke afterward ;)

But I just may be preaching to the choir so to speak because most of the people who have traveled this journey with me so far are the ones who are not afraid to think about things objectively.  Each positive message I've received has been the motivation to continue and I just want to thank you for hanging out with me for a bit.  If anyone has any question or comments please send me an email and know I welcome your input, experiences or recommendations.                           

6.  Suppression Equals Depression >>>>>

Celebrating Spring

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!  

When will we ever learn?

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!
     

Evidence of Revision (1 of 5) : The Assassinations of Kennedy and Oswald  

Evidence of Revision 6 : The Assassination of MLK 

Scientology, the CIA, and MIVILUDES: Cults of Abuse

Please order and watch these documentaries when you have some time.  They are between 1 and a half and two hours long each.  Even if you are not a history buff, there is still some very important information in these videos and I highly recommend them.  Also read this article on Jonestown, this article about slavery then and now,  this series about pop culture and then this piece on more current mind melding events to bring you up to speed on where this post will go.  Yes, I know that's a lot of reading and it feels a little like homework but it really pulls together the music and movie theme I have threaded through out this blog to show which programs that may be running through my head.  If you read every article and I hope you do it will probably take a week or two depending on your available time. Much appreciation for the writers and the creators of these videos and articles.  Also much appreciation to all the people at SOTT that make available the many resources I have linked to.  What does this all have to do with you?  Seems like we have all been programmed into believing we are in control of our own life but the opposite is actually true.  There is a war for your mind, soul and suffering going on and it has been going on for a long time.  The lies have been told and believed by so many that I'm not sure if they will ever see or hear anything different.           

Being a southerner has been a source of great pride among many for generations.  Sweet tea, peach cobbler with Sunday dinner after church was the norm through out many homes way back when.  On the surface great gentility was one of the charms that held an allure for me but as days went by it became more of a redneck hillbilly culture that is still celebrated to this day.  The rebel flag is still waved often in some parts of the south.  As I wrote in People are different for a reason, I have always wondered why it is so easy to judge another... based on their skin color but after watching the opening scenes in Evidence of Revision about Dr. Martin Luther King, I am vividly reminded about how easy is was for a person of color to lose their life at the whim of someone who has nothing but hatred in their heart... based on a color.  Sound ridiculous, but that hate has been passed down from many generations and is something that may be just one of those old programs that need to be retired.  I wonder if people would change their beliefs if they knew that they had to come back as the very people, person, culture, or sex you hate.  If that's even remotely possible then there will be some very unhappy people coming back again and again until they get it right.   

When we were learning about the Civil War in middle school, I remember my teacher glossing over slavery and stated simply that it was unfortunate time.  Yeah, I bet it was... especially if you were black.  It struck me as so very wrong on so many levels that any one human would use another human as property for the sake of making a profit and then turn around and deny the same people the right to their own life after they were declared free.  It was a sad thought of human history that one human has to fight tooth and nail just to become free.  Who thought of this way of life and better yet, who is still perpetuating this very mind set today?  Not just with people of color but with any person who is different on the outside and who does not conform to what the masses are doing?  If human kind is supposed to be at the top of the food chain then why are we hell bent of consuming ourselves?  What does that say about us?  Would it surprise you to know we are not at the top of the food chain?  Would it change your mind in how you look at others when you understand that their suffering was intentionally inflected on them and you, just so that others could profit?  Psychopathy seems to be the root of most of societies problems because it effects any and everything it touches.  It divides humans and causes each of us to lose sight of what it means to be a human being.             

On another note looking back at the hippie generation which I stated at the beginning of this series was one of my great loves.  On the outside the anti war, protesting drug users looked like people who were more in tuned with my line of thinking but after looking at another view point I can see how wrong I was... again.  Seems like the great pretenders have been plucking about for longer than even radio and TV but they used those avenues as a way of subverting a real uprising of protesters to the war.  If you do any google web search on the corrupted music industry then you'll find a vast array of material about the use of subliminal messages that may have been inserted in or consisted entirely of many of the classics.  And I must say this, I know I am old and most people past a certain age lock into a music genre and then consider most of the new stuff that comes out as terrible.  I am no exception to this rule.  It seems like the music industry has collapsed under the greed of making a profit and no longer care to produce anything with soul... except for maybe Adele.  But I doubt it changed so much as to stop entering into our subconscious with ease.  Why would they stop?  It was wildly successful before and there is no need to change what works.  Until young artist stop paying the price of admission which is their soul to enter the business then they will have no passion behind their voice.   

If the PTB that operate behind the mask of the multitude of alphabet agencies can orchestrate all that the videos and articles imply, then we must rethink many of the events in history as well.  For you who may be a non believer of this and think I am just another raving lunatic believing in conspiracy theories, then you'd be incorrect.  I am interested in facts not just the hype or propaganda that passes for truth now a days so please don't send the men with white coats... just yet.  One example of my programming that I had was I believed in the death penalty.  As you may know there are some people who perpetuate the most horrible of crimes and it has been touted as a means to deter people from doing them and I agreed with that logic.  Until I started to read about how many people the states executed that were proved innocent after the fact, usually through DNA.  Add that fact to the death penalty is not applied uniformly or even fairly in some cases and let's be honest... we execute more black men than any other in almost every state.  Despite all this, it is not a deterrent to crime and the evidence is clear.  I understand that our justice system was founded with the philosophy of innocent until proven guilty and all... but is that really what you see?  Do you believe the local news of how most of crimes committed now a days are only from people of color?  Me personally I think a lot of the misdemeanor crimes are being committed by the desperate people who have been marginalized from the onset.  It seems to me like congress just adds reams of paperwork that turn into more laws just so they can find more reasons to throw more people in jail.  If you happen to be white you might want to pay more attention to how the brothers and sisters are being treated because it will be your future if you stand by and do nothing.  I understand that you may have anger about the situations in the world but until you see who is the real criminals of the world, then you will be able to do nothing to stop it and may just be hindering the ones who do.  At the very least rethink everything you think you know about the system and then watch this 2 hour long doc called The Net, The Unabomber, LSD and The Internet., for another perspective on the same old game that is being played.   

If you haven't noticed there is more wars going on now and with that it seems rational to think that there will be another movement that will be taken over and divided or flat our created by the PTB just as the hippies were used to control the opposition.  What that form will ultimately be is anyone guess, but you can probably bet they will be doing whatever it takes to divert your attention.  Which brings me to another dark aspect of the control system we live under.  As if I haven't given you enough to read and watch there is more that needs to be addressed and it too is a long, but well worthy read by Dave McGowen.  It ties in to the Laurel Canyon series however briefly and explains just how little the PTB care about human life.  It also is the new version of slavery where no child is safe from it's clutches.  You may ask me how do I know if any of this could possible be true?  Well, there are a few things... and the first one happened when I was 9 years old and I heard a sound bite of this girls murder on the news.  Amanda Ray was 10 at the time she died.  Only 2 years later another news story reported another girls death named Neely Smith and her body was found near the county line some where near where we lived.   Hearing this news as a kid caused me to dream that I saw her skull in the woods behind our house... and even though that event did not take place... I would dream about the whole series of events for quite a long time afterward.  Reading the events now is chilling enough but even then I knew there were serious dangers to even children.  Later, living in the group home all those years ago, led me to meet many kids, my age that were abused one way or another from family, friends and strangers.  It is one thing to read stories but to hear them in person and see the effects it has on their life, is different all together.  I have been very lucky not to have had to endure that as so many children have.  But it hasn't closed my eyes to the fact that things like this do happen. Even social networking sites like Facebook are a breeding ground for vile activities.  And if you are curious about what the child protective services and Family Courts do then read this!  

Also, shortly before I got pregnant with Trey we all lived behind one of the oldest strip bars in the city... I think and we would walk the short distance to the store for smokes.  In doing so we met a variety of prostitutes along the way and one of them was only 12 years old at the time.  What broke my heart was she seemed so tough on the outside but living on the streets was no place for a 12 year old.  I was in no position to help then being 17, broke and living with a bunch of people but I never forgot about her.  The ugliness is real and happens in the present day.  In case you need any more proof that it could happen any where... then for all my locals please read this short article on Henry Wallace and remember I was in and around this small 5 mile area at the beginning of his run.  I was working in the bar and in and out of many of the places where the victims were.  I could have met them at any time and I wondered why there wasn't much more info made public about this.  The problems of this world have been ignored for too long and as a result they have grown to epic proportions.  I am just as much as fault as any of you and now I realize it's time to educate ourselves about the darkness of this world.  If we don't, I feel sure that the PTB will continue to rewrite history, suppress the masses by fear and terror all the while having us sing some mindless pop song as we continue down the path to our own destruction.  If you are afraid now, then this can only get worse, but if we collectively overcome our fear and our ignorance of psychopathy then we have a chance against the disease that is threatening humanity as a whole.  Let Your Life Be a Friction to Stop the Machine.  

The moral to this story is that the big wigs of religion are rubbing elbows with the big wigs of the mafia who rub elbows with the big wigs of the entertainment world, who also rub elbows with the big wigs of the political world, who rub more elbows with the big wigs in the bankers world, who then rubs elbows with the big wigs in the medical, scientific and technology world, who rub elbows with the big wigs in the military industrial complex world who also rub elbows with the big wigs of religion.  Talk about cozy... but it is a small world after all.                          

Civil Case King Family versus Jowers                         

5. Sex, drugs and smoking. >>>>>     

Technology, Me and Programs

 <<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!

 
 
Technology is one of those things where you either spend time with it learning all the little ends and outs or you don't.  Just when I get a handle on one thing then there is something brand new that awaits and the how to manuals are starting to look like college text books.  I must confess that I'll never be able to keep up with all the new stuff from phones to whatever music device that is current at the time.  I stopped at CD's and regular stereos that played them as well as quit carrying a mobile phone and yes I survived.  A little inconvenient at times for sure but for the most part I don't feel like I have a non stop leash attached to me at all times any more.  We did upgrade to a DVD but still have VCR's here and it's a good thing I finally learned how to set the time on them too!

For me technology does not just refer to audio visuals, it refers to anything electrical and that's were I've had the most problems.  For me plug in things like coffee pots, toaster, microwaves, any other kitchen gadget, hair dryers, curling irons, alarm clocks and even fans have never lasted that long in my house.  Now I understand things are not made like they were many years ago with quality but after a while it was becoming ridiculous, how many things would just quit working after such a short time.  I had that problem with pagers too and when those were popular I had to replace them several times too.  Shortly after I moved in my current location, every TV in the house, which weren't even mine, quit working one after another and had to be replaced so it is enough to give me a complex... if I was really worried that is.  It must be my magnetic personality... seriously :)  And sometimes while I am out walking the dogs... streetlights just go out, which again is not too out of the ordinary BUT when it is 3 or 4 in a row that does this it gets weird... especially if the lights are working again the next day.  Our city maintenance crews are just not that fast in replacing bulbs around here, so I doubt that's it either.  Which now brings me to the 3 year old microwave that gave up the ghost this week.  For me that's a good long run in the plug in world.  Now that I've had time to research a few of these issues, it has been suggested that maybe the problem lies within me because I was either not paying attention to the small clues the world was trying to convey or maybe on the wrong path to understanding the universe.  Hmmm that sounds about right.  I can be hard headed and this phenomenon has slowed done since I begin reading more reliable material from the wonderful minds at SOTT.  But what if...

The point of this is that when the Matrix begins to shift, all kinds of mechanical things also go kaflooey. My best guess about this factor is that when the "program" is changed, and the reality is "merged," any electronic or electrical devices within the sphere of the targeted individual that have a "weakness" simply cannot survive the reality bridge. The same conditions seem to apply to plumbing. Noting these things over time, I began to have a deeper understanding of what Gurdjieff, Sufis, Alchemists, and others meant about watching the environment for small clues and messages. Things can be lost or found; objects fall and break for no apparent reason, new batteries go dead; pets can suffer in various ways, even including death; and just a whole host of "signals" manifest to get our attention, which we normally sweep under the rug and say "oh, that's Murphy's Law. LKJ"  (Considering I've spent much time getting to know Mayhem and Murphy, this is starting to make sense!)  

While I've come a long ways from shopping for TV's in pawnshops, I still don't require the biggest one out there with all the devices that goes with it because it takes so much just to get everything hooked up and then there is a mess of wires overtaking the rear that boggles my mind.  But most men I've known like their TV HUGE and don't really mind plugging it into everything else.   The same goes with computers but at least the back was color coded to make plugging in the cords easier and I have set up my share of computers from time to time. People seem to think I have a clue what I am doing because I followed the color codes?  Setting computers up is one thing but actually using one if you have not done it before is pretty confusing and now with the developers idea to clean everything up by hiding the icons and such.  Some of the older folks are clueless where to click and try explaining hovering to a person on the phone who still has a hard time understand bookmarks!  While I know I've come a long way since my first computer I still get aggravated with certain programs after a while... those usually don't come with instructions.  Some of the free software was much easier to use than the ones I paid $100 for.  But I am learning more and more everyday and it is a good thing because I have to teach a friend of mine how to use Quickbooks and that is no easy feat!  

Now most of you know the easiest way to contact me is through Facebook because that's the way I like it.  It is where I have learned how to do so much and connect with people I haven't seen in years or would not be able to meet otherwise.  I played the games on there for quite a while after Trey died and found that time helpful to deal with the grief.  But after a while I was truly unsatisfied with the level of the games and the greed that seemed to be perpetuated through out the whole system.  It became obvious that the developers didn't care about the customers... I know big surprise... but no matter how much time and energy you've already put into it... it wasn't going to get any better.  I am so glad I quit them all as so many others have before.  If only it where that easy in real life to give up something that was so obviously wrong for us.  But it did allow me to find other more interesting things to do on the net and as you know I've been finding a lot of different stuff out there.  That's the great thing about technology now.  You can learn how to do anything you really want to do if you are looking in the right place.  Problem is few people are looking in the right place for answers and as always technology can be used as a tool or a weapon.  Our right to connect to the internet is still under fire as many of our other freedoms.  

When I learned of the conditions of the cheap labor these companies use over seas, I cringed because I used way too many products that are manufactured by these spirit killing, greedy companies.  Just the computer I am writing on was made by the hands of an undervalued human being (or a 100) treated like a commodity themselves.  It is beyond wrong, it is horrifying and it makes me wonder when OUR own working conditions will deteriorate to that level here in the US.  If Detroit is any indication then I doubt the rest of the country is far behind.  If it is true that the market is selling technology 50 years or so behind what has been developed then it goes to show that the rulers of this world do not intend to share it to make life easier on us all... just themselves.  Again it all comes down to money, money, money.  The bigger question is why do we still allow the corporations to treat other human beings like disposable rag dolls by spending money in their stores?  If you do, try doing so only if you have to instead of lining up for the next big thing when ever available.  Yes I am asking you to buy responsible as much as you can.  Yes it takes work and effort to do research and sometime just self control when you come across a great deal or the new phone is released.  While I doubt that the people who are charged with making our gadgets of choice have the means or the opportunity to use the devises they are making, I still would like to send a heartfelt, thank you and apology for the abuses they must suffer for our collective greed.  As for the rest of us we really need to use this technology to help the helpless because you never know when you may find yourself in a similar position.

I know I am bouncing around so please bare with me but I want to talk about the TV now, more specifically the programs that have been aired over the years.  It used to be that a family had only one TV per household in the living room and now they are in almost every bedroom across the nation too.  I grew up watching what my parents wanted to watch more often that not and that meant shows like M.A.S.H, news, boxing, old war movies and a few westerns for my dad.  Mom liked the soaps, dramas, mysteries and movies but she did read a lot too.  I however liked comedy and cartoons on Saturday mornings.  Bugs Bunny and the gang being a favorite but I liked most of the cartoons back then.  The were not politically correct but they were funny.  I loved nature shows even back then too but they were few and far between.  I remember when I had chores to do and walking back and forth in front of the tube as dad was trying to watch it, only getting sound bites as I went.  This was well before remotes and channel surfing or what I like to call ADD TV.  Again as I got older and out of the house there was not a lot of time for watching the tube so I missed a lot of stuff but when I did watch it I'd wonder why it couldn't be used to help people more instead of to just entertain them?  I mean here was the perfect means to relay all kinds of information to many people at the same time and the best they could do is non stop commercials selling everything you never really wanted?  Over time it really seemed that the tube saturated our minds with so much useless drivel that it caused some folks to stop thinking all together.  

So if the TV has the power of turning our brains into pudding then just what other technologies do the dark side have?  Again if you have been reading any of the content I link to you will find an answer to that question that just might fry your mother board.  I'd like to tell you that it blows my mind at the amount of technology that had been used for war, slime and destruction as opposed to peace and plenty for all.  But, I'm not really.  The writing has been on the wall for a long time now.  The one thing that has surprised me is how many humans have not seen the writing on the wall.  If you have read this far then you may be wondering where I am going with all this?  Programs.  Not the ones on TV but the ones running through our heads that control our thoughts, emotions, actions or inactions.  We all have them and I've understood this for some time.  What I didn't understand was the mechanics of them and just which programs affected me or why they were so effective sometimes.  If you don't think you are susceptible to programs that are put inside your mind from outside sources then you will not have the opportunity to defend your mind, free your life and be who you really are.  I have a term for that and it is called willful ignorance.  Good luck with that. 

Dear reader the next part below will be just TV programs that I remembered I liked enough to watch through out the years, so you may skip it if you want.  The next posts will be more about the rewriting of history and the ideas I had collected based on false information.

In no particular order... Little Rascals, I love Lucy, Happy Days, Sha Na Na, Dick Van Dyke Show, The Odd Couple, I Dream of Jeannie, The Honeymooner's, The Dating Game, The Gong Show, Sanford & Son, Mary Tyler Moore, School House Rock, Mr. Ed, Gilligan's Island, Bewitched, Lassie, General Hospital, Guiding Light, As the World Turns... but only on occasion :) Quincey, Matlock, WKRP, Love Boat, Laverne and Shirley, One Day at a Time, All in the Family, The Jefferson's, Perry Mason, Good Times, Mama's Family, Benson, American Band Stand, Solid Gold, Soul Train, Star Search, Fame, Wild Kingdom, BJ and the Bear, Gimme a Break with Nell Carter, Different Strokes, Family Ties, Webster, Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, Mork and Mindy, Dukes of Hazzard, The Greatest American Hero, Twilight Zone, Ma and Pa Kettle, Murder She Wrote, Night Court, Murphy Brown, Growing Pains, Full House, Bosom Buddies, Threes Company, Eight is Enough, Designing Women, Charlies Angels, Golden Girls, Dynasty, Knots Landing, Knight Rider, MacGyver, Simon & Simon, Magnum PI, Cagney & Lacey, Rockford Files, Starsky and Hutch, LA Law, The A Team, T.J. Hooker, Bionic Man and Woman, 21 Jump Street, The Cosby Show, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Party of Five,  A  Different World, Miami Vice, Hill Street Blues, Roseanne, The Wonder Years, Mr. Belvedere, Northern Exposure, CHIPS, Whose the Boss, Home Improvement, Cheers, Married With Children, Grace Under Fire, Alias, Medical Detectives, City Confidential, Investigative Reports, The X Files, Cops, Alley McBeal, Friends, 90210, Melrose Place, Boston Legal, CSI Vegas, NY and Miami, Law and Order, NCIS, OZ, Behind the Music, Legends, Ghost Whisper, Charmed, Desperate Housewives, Numbers, Bones, The Closer, Lie to Me, Leverage, Ugly Betty, The Mentalist, Criminal Minds, Castle, Saving Grace, Weeds, The Big C, Nurse Jackie, Shameless, Fringe...

Needless to say I didn't get to watch every show and mostly caught many of them in rerun... but that's a lot of TV programs in one life time.  Not to mention the endless previews or teasers for shows that the networks inundate every possible moment.  The soaps were more interesting at first because everyone seemed to watch at least one of them and I was curious about why.  What I found was a model of behavior that mirrored a lot of what I saw in real life and just couldn't figure out why people wanted to emulate them.  I have never really cared for any vampire stories because they drain the life from people and I had enough of that in real life.  I also don't care for any of the reality shows because they are as far removed from reality as they can possible be.  And you won't find some shows here that were really popular like Seinfeld or to many sci-fy shows period.  No sports or racing even though I live in racing country :)    

And while I am at it I'd like to take this time to tell the executive programmers of the world, I have slowly watched the content of your shows dwindle and really good shows canceled because they didn't earn enough profit for you.  Aside from the fact that I am done with the intrusion of the TV because it is hard to read with it on... save for a serious recommendation for further education...  I can't stand the commercials any longer.  They are loud, lack any real info and when you hear one for a new presidential book, then one for a new way to train your brain, then one the starving children in Haiti and my personal favorites are the many products for male sexual problems.  I can't get away from it completely but nevertheless, you in TV land have really let down humanity... again.  I hope you realize that there is no such thing as privacy either and while they say they are spying on us so they can market stuff better... most of us know that is not true.  In any event all their efforts will be wasted on me.  Sorry you have lost another customer but thanks for the memories. Really.                                                                       


4. When will we learn? >>>>>



      

The Uncomfortable Consumer

<<<<< Volume 1. Vol. 2.>>>>> 1. The Weirdness Within, 2. The Uncomfortable Consumer, 
3. Technology, Me and Programs, 4. When will we ever learn?, 5. Sex, drugs and smoking,
6. Suppression Equals Depression, 7. Practicing Awareness, 8. Long Distance Friendships During War, 9.  Away we go, 10. Children and Pit Bulls at Christmas, 11. The other side of the story...I & II, 12. The things that divide us, 13. Getting a plan together and a Garden, Click the links within the post to see the relevant stories, pictures or videos and thanks for stopping by!
   
 
 

The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor  (another must read article:) Warning Strong Language!) 
  
You know when you are young and broke almost everything looks cool or seems like you just can't live without it.  Never mind that most commercials make you think that is the case but if you have never had the money to try out some of the products, then you have no clue how useless some of them really are.  When I was young I would have to sift through a huge Sears catalog to find toys for Christmas and now kids are bombarded with ads from the moment they wake up practically.  I guess that parents today have to tell their kids no many more times than our parents told us just because of the sheer volume of crap available.  I don't envy the new parents of today because their jobs are so much harder in this respect.  I knew when I was young that if I wanted something then I had to save up for it, whether it be birthday money or lunch money or I probably wasn't going to get it.  After I got out of the teens and moms house, priorities changed of course and as many times as I moved around, it became a blessing to not have too much stuff to have to manage.  Again I wasn't a girly girl who spent tons of money or time on clothes or accessories but I did have a thing for storage stuff like leather cases or carryalls and shoes!  In fact I didn't do any real clothes shopping until about 07 or so and by that time I still hated malls so shopping would only happen if I really needed something to wear.

Way back when we rented our first house and Trey was born things were different because I really wanted a comfortable house and that takes money even if you are shopping garage sales and flea markets.  And babies require so much stuff for one tiny little body it really was like having to move every time we took him out!  So at that time it took a while to get used to having and toting stuff on a regular basis but we eventually got it under control and he grew out of much of it so quickly too.  But personally I still wasn't all that attached to stuff and would walk away from it if it were being used as a lure or leverage for something else.  I learned that if I couldn't get it for myself then I just wasn't going to have it and that way of thinking probably saved me a whole lot of aggravation down the road.  To me stuff was replaceable even if it took a long time to do it, where as my time or happiness was just more important to me.  The only time I really fought with anybody about stuff was when they were caught red handed stealing it from me and even then there were so many other problems going on it would've had to been something really important.  I have also never been a good haggler, and prefer to shop quietly and if the price is too high, I will move right on with no problem.  Window shopping always seemed like a really big waste of time because I don't want to look at a bunch of stuff I can not buy just for fun. 

I liked to spend money on experiences like traveling and concerts so don't think I was content with just a little.  Over time I also started collecting lots of books and smiley face stuff a little at a time.  So when I'd go anywhere I'd buy Trey a t shirt and maybe a smiley collectable for a few dollars if I had the time and the money.  And then later I started to collect Coca Cola tins and trinkets.  It adds up over time.  But somehow I managed to save $5000 to put down on a $75,000. house and then the shopping began in earnest.  Now when I bought my house I did research on as much as possible and spent a lot of time getting my credit in shape so I could finance it with no cosigners.  I knew that just starting out would be hard because they required 2 separate loans, one piggy backing the other, both with rather high interest rates but after a year I could refinance to a much better loan.  I found a lender who would help me or so I thought and just 3 days before closing on my very first place they changed the agreement and now wanted me to pay an extra half a point interest on both loans.  I did what few people do and told them to shove it and I would find another company that would make the original terms.  The girls that were helping me with the closing were not ready for that action but I pulled it off and found a lender that would agree to my terms.  Yes, working in the real estate attorney's office helped a bunch but I did start saving because I knew the best time to buy a house was while working there... duh.  The only glitch came when they couldn't find the survey needed to complete the loan docs and for a few hours it was hairy indeed.  I already was hanging at the end of my rope without a place to live at that time and knew I'd waste money on a pay by the week hotel if it didn't go through.

When I moved into this large place I had a twin bed and night stand for the bedroom, a loveseat and small entertainment center that I put together in the living room and a few things to cook with, other than my clothes.  And I finally got my first computer in 98 although I wasn't home very much to use it.  1500 square feet looks like a palace when there is nothing inside and that first year was tough.  But then I refinanced into a 15 year fixed rate mortgage because I did the math and it came to making a $100 extra a month payment verses 15 years at the regular amount.  It seemed like a no brainer to me and once that was completed I was free to actually start working on the home itself.  But a few months later I bought the Honda too and since it was financed with the same bank I had the new mortgage, I transferred my accounts there and saved a bundle too.  I didn't really like the bank all that much but they had taken over everything and at that time I felt if you can't beat them... join them.  Bad mistake all around in the end but for a while things were just fine.  If you've ever owned a home you know you rarely get to update the things you want to but the ones that you have to.  I think the first thing that went out was the hot water heater around Thanksgiving and that started a tradition of things that go out around that time of year.  So it began the replacing of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, fridge, a/c, front doors, back doors which were leaking cold air like a cooler at the market.   

As I said before I started watching HGTV for many ideas on what to do with the house and I would sketch out many different rooms with a particular affinity for organization and energy conservation.  I spent much time in Home Depot, Lowes, furniture stores and places like BB+B.  Meanwhile roommates and exes where leaving piles of junk at my house over the years and what I couldn't get rid of I had to find a place to put it.  I saw the previews to the show Hoarders and thought, WOW!  I lived with one but I was as busy chucking stuff out the back door as he was bring it in the front door.  My mom taught me well on that subject.  And dear people who are not inclined or able to fix things... please stop sidewalk shopping and bringing home stuff you can't do anything with!  Unless you have a huge warehouse that you own and then it's perfectly fine... but until then... stop.  During that time I also tried a few different products advertized on TV as must haves and was sorely disappointed at the uselessness of most of those items and so they too went to the Good Will.  It didn't take long for me to figure out that it was a waste of money and time but it also showed me how much companies are really just out to make a buck and not anything useful that can be used for many years to come.  I probably went a little over board at Christmas too with the people I loved because I wanted them to have the things they really wanted and now that I finally had the money to do it... I did!

Now shopping for everyday supplies was different because I don't like doing it and so when I go I literally stock up for the month and pack mule it.  I spent hours clipping coupons and shopping deals whenever possible but found that the things I use the most rarely go on sale so after a while I stopped wasting time on that too.  If I stumbled over deals fine but I didn't go out of my way any longer because by then I had so little time.  And when Trey would come over for the weekend, he would eat a week or twos worth of groceries in just 2 days so I would really have to stock up on things!  Which brings me back to the smiley face stuff I had been collecting now for many years.  One day while deep cleaning the office which doubled as a bedroom for him I pulled out all the stuff packed in boxes and decided to go ahead and put it all out to see what I had.  After several hours of rearranging it and spreading everything out, it covered most of the room.  I figured I was getting a little old for it and wanted to enjoy it while I could before finding another home for my smileys.  When Trey came over he was older then and he told me that he felt like there were too many eyes looking in on him. :)  I left it up until it was time to dust again and then all that stuff had to come down.

In my mind I had remodeled the whole house several times over and knew that I'd have to start with the top floor bathroom because we used it the most and it is usually better when taking on big jobs like that to start at the top and work your way down in multilevel homes.  I spent weeks shopping and measuring for the materials for it and was frustrated at how difficult it was to find the things I really needed.  But I made sure that I had everything that was needed before I found the electrical and plumbing guys so they would know exactly what needed to be done.  No they were not happy that I applied for a permit but I knew that if I wanted things done a certain way it was necessary to have back up when dealing with the contractors.  My ex Marvelous was helping with the job and over time I really had to micro manage him because he couldn't be trusted to do the job much less right if left alone but we alas started by demoing the whole thing.  As we did we of course found a multitude of problems and I am really glad I didn't wait any longer to start the job.  And once the old has been torn out you are then committed until the very end.  Now I did spend a few dollars on extras that made it super functional and then one day in one of the warehouse clubs we saw a beautiful couch, love seat and chair for $1000 and I had to have it too.  That started the might as wells and so we got the stuff to paint the living room and trim too.  

It took a long 10 months and despite all the problems with me and my ex I was really looking forward to being done and enjoying the fruits of our labors.  I am sure our neighbors were too.  We were almost in the home stretch and the electrical inspector was checking out the last thing before he left and we were already on the line because some things were just not to his liking.  At the same time the plumbers were still there and you could have called them twiddle dee and twiddle dumb but that day it was really bad because they pulled a plug on a drain somewhere upstairs that caused a light fixture downstairs to FILL up with water.  The inspector flashed his light on the fixture and said well that's gonna make you fail.  All I could say was... yeah I got that.  But I had also made a mistake in listening to the plumber that a certain $4 shut off valve would work in the dual shower heads and it cost $1000 to repair that mistake.  I had to order a special quattro valve and then have them redo the center tiles to put it in.  Another big ticket item that had nothing to do with the bathroom was a attic access door with stairs that was needed to get to the electrical work over the bathroom.  It was sturdy but it was also $1000 too and I had the plumbers install the pipes for a small combo unit washer and dryer that I planned to add later.  So for both the living room and bathroom I spent about $12,000. total but I felt I got my monies worth.  It was small but I used every square inch of space and even had outlets in the cabinets for all those little gadgets.  I learned a lot but the whole thing was sort of spoiled by the upcoming events and in the end you can't take it with you.

               

For more info on the details of the bathroom space saving measures you can check out my for the home board on Pinterest... I do miss my house and my bathroom most especially because I had spent so much time waiting for it and then once it was completed things really did go downhill from there.  The next big project would have been the kitchen and then the master bath, closet and room would have been last.  When I said I really did want a comfortable home I meant it and was willing to work hard for it.  But it was my first place and what I like to refer to as my practice house because I learned so many things in design while applying it when ever I could.  Most of you know I've scaled down considerably since I've left there and am back to traveling lighter.  I still have the pictures I took for insurance purposes of the evolution of stuff that accumulated over the years and in doing the jobs, hobbies and just life.  Even as conscientious as I was I still got sucked into the material world because make no mistake to be comfortable in this world, it takes money, time and a lot of effort.       


3.  Technology, Me and Programs >>>>>