1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these
links to read in order (some chapters have
songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
At some point in time during these two days I inquired about the other drivers and found that the boy (driving the car Trey was in) and the couple in the the other car were both flown to Charlotte... all in critical condition. Trey had been taken to Union County because there was nothing they could do for him. The teenage driver had only had his license for 3 days at that time. I knew I needed to go see them but wasn't ready yet. I just couldn't do it at this time...
It was Friday and we had to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. I have never dreaded anything more in my life, except for the day before of course. I can't tell you if we went back to moms first because we were going back and forth between houses for weeks afterward and it really all blurs into one at this point. But Mom, Dad, Scott, Ariel, even Rosco and I went to the funeral home and sat through the meeting. My ex husband had flown back from New York where he was working and came to the home to attend the meeting with his dad. Dear Daisy was trying her very best to help but she was so stunned herself with everything that was going on and still trying to handle the bar at night... alone.
We sat through the paperwork and had to decide things like what to put in the obituary, what kind of service to have when, where. We then realized we would have to go get Trey some clothes later. I remember people asking a lot of questions and then we had to go pick out the casket. It was absolutely surreal to be looking at them with my ex and hearing his opinions. But I told him Trey's favorite color was green so I picked out the light metallic one for him. After that we had to wait for the final agreement to be drawn up and we took a smoke break. After we returned to pay the deposit and handle the rest... my ex was no where to be found. But my dear friend Scott knew a florist who would help and picked up the tab himself without ever letting me repay him.
Next we had to go to the cemetery and arrange all that there and decided to bury him the following Saturday afternoon. Then we had to go back to the funeral home to finalize the arrangement with the cemetery. Funny how I grew up coming to this very cemetery because my aunt had worked there for 20 some years and mom would stop by and talk to her on the way home sometimes. Never thought I'd be needing their services so soon though but my aunt didn't work there any more. Trey's friend Brian was buried here too, who died about 2 years earlier at the age of 16. I also went to school with Brian's dad who lived in the park up the street too and this may seem awful but I was just a little bit glad that Trey wouldn't be alone there. I would never wish this nightmare on any one but it happened nonetheless.
Yes I know the service was short notice but all I can say is that if he really mattered then only those would find a way to be there. If I had to wait until the next week I don't think I would have been able to make it that long. I know we contacted the school but I just can't remember if it was that particular day I did so in person, and asked if they would make an announcement over what ever system they used to inform all those who hadn't heard. Apparently as the first word of this happened to spread a lot of kids thought the other teenage driver of the car was killed and there was a lot of confusion. This principle didn't announce it in any meaningful, clear way so the students were made aware. At best there was a small ticker on the class room TV that people rarely paid attention to at the end of the day?!? It was the first time that principle would show just how unimportant Trey was at that school even though he was a senior that year.
We then went back to moms I think because this is were I met a lot of Trey's friends for the first time and was blown away at how many kids there, who loved my son. Almost all the kids from the trailer park were there and several who had to drive long distances to be there. I only knew a few names at first but there were at least 30 or so? in and out of there. The three beautiful girls that touched my heart lived really close and only one had a drivers license at that time... I think. One of those girls had lost her brother in a wreck some 5 years earlier so she understood everything that we were facing. The two boys that also touched my heart the most were the other two that had changed their minds at the last minute to not ride with Trey and the other boy. That decision might have saved their life but that too was not to be. One Trey had grown up with in the park and the other (Danny) had just moved outside of it recently but when him and Trey met, it was like they were kindred spirit brothers from another mother and again, little did we all know that at the time... Mom had come back from visiting Trey's beloved babysitter when he was younger and had found a preacher who would do the service. Most of us were sitting in Trey's room and I ended up taking his pillows home with me. I wanted something to feel close to him.
Later that night we all had to go get clothes and I remember Scott holding all of our purses while we tried to find clothes for Trey and ourselves. Neither mom or I had anything to wear and I was so miserable and crying. Other people were just going about their day as usual. How can that be? Didn't they know that my world had just been smashed into bits? Dear Ariel helped so much too and I don't know where I'd be had it not been for both of them. She paid for our purchases and did her best to keep our spirits up and we all talked about how low my ex was. I told them, they haven't seen nothing yet as far as he was concerned! Just wait and see. I think we had one more errand and I pushed through it knowing tomorrow would be here soon enough.
I wasn't doing any of this for me, it was going to be one of the last things I could do for my baby Trey and if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have been able to make it through the next few days. We got back to my house and others were gathering and soon met with the preacher to talk about Trey and the service. This man had presence but was very humbly, sympathetic to us and our situation although we had just met. We had a very powerful circle of prayer that night in my living room and again the moment, the people, the emotions were almost surreal. After he left people kept doing things in the house, the phones kept ringing, someone gave me a valium and I laid down.
I was exhausted and really appreciated everything that everyone was doing but I just wanted to be alone for a while. We had a long way to go before that could happen and the road became a little more bleak if that was even possible.
22. When Worlds Collide III >>>>>
1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these
links to read in order (some chapters have
songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
These next three days and posts are the darkest period in my life and will include the thoughts I had running through my head if possible to the events as I can recall. Time was speeding up and slowing down all at the same time. Putting the pieces of the puzzle together have been very hard and even as I write this I still have tears in my eyes. It may seem like I repeat myself some but I want to make each piece as easy to understand as possible and each piece that came before all leads up to this time. The following link was obtained well after and so contains a bit more info than I got at the time.
On that Thursday morning when I woke up the house was thankfully quiet and I had a moment to wake up in peace, get my coffee and turn on the TV. As soon as I flicked it on the local 24 hour news channel had announced a bad car wreck near Trey's school but took a while to actually get to the point... as usual. When the story finally came on I got up and looked at the screen hard trying to determine if I knew either of the cars in the crash. One was a small white Toyota I think and the other looked like an old Mercedes and I was scanning my brain trying to think if any of Trey's friends had those cars and none did... to my knowledge. No names were released at that point. The news story went off but I couldn't stop thinking about that wreck...
Until my dad called about and hour or so later and told me to get home... he had been trying to reach mom but couldn't. That was all he said and hung up. At that point I got so mad at nothing and everything but I just couldn't understand why. Normally I don't indulge denial but that day it came over me with swiftly and completely for about 3 hours and then it was over.
Rosco came back to the house about that time and so we rode out to my parents house. I didn't even think to stop and put my teeth in! I was still mad the whole way there and unloaded on the poor guy without a thought. When I got to mom and dads there was no one at home so we sat out on the front porch... waiting.
A large box truck pulled up with three guys inside, one of which was dad and as I got up to meet him at the truck before he could even got out fully he said... "Trey's dead." I said "What? You mean mom?" She wasn't home yet and thought he must have made a mistake and was talking about her. He said "No... Trey" and then he broke down like I have never seen in my life. I said " No! It can't be... it just can't be right!" I broke down right there and knew his life was over and mine too for that matter.
Mom came home a little later surprised to see us all there in the front yard and dad told her before she could get out of the car. She looked over at me and saw the expression on my face along with the fact I had no teeth in and knew it was true. And then she broke down too.
At some point I called my friends Ariel and Scott, then my grandmother, then my ex and his sister. That was all I could do at that moment and I can't remember what was said... I was sobbing, just felt lost and alone even though I was surrounded by people.
The car ride to the hospital was long and it was short. I don't know if anyone said anything at all. I just remember thinking with the smallest flames of eternal hope that this just couldn't be happening. But my experience told me that the sheriff's department rarely makes mistakes when they have to identify a person and then contact their family.
At the hospital we were greeted with the principle of the school a very hard looking women who looked like she rather be any where in the world right now than here. I can't say I blamed her because neither did I. I remember meeting my friends and my exes sister in the waiting room. We were both crying and hugging each other for dear life.
The hospital advised us that we didn't want to see him at that point... but there was nothing on this earth that would have stopped me that day. So they took us back to the morgue and then pulled a lower drawer out.
I saw the red hoodie first and the tears came again with another flood of confusion and pain. I kneeled down and saw only the right side of his face. His left side was damaged from the wreck and was against the table. I touched his cheek and it was oh so cold... I knew then without a doubt my baby was gone.
We were surrounded by my friends and family and I could barely feel them there at that point. We were all in our own world of hurt and all I could see was my baby laying on that table. Tears was dripping on him that he would never feel and my heart broke in two that day.
We all kneeled there for I don't know how long just trying to will the life back into him if only for a moment so I could tell him I love him again. Then in my head I asked God to please
take care of him now that he was with him, give him a hug for me and
tell him I love him... always. As I stood up I noticed he had on the shirt and shoes we had just bought him for Christmas too and I lost it again... there would be no more Christmas's or anything else for that matter.
I didn't want to leave him in that place all by himself surrounded by strangers. But the group was urging me to go and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do... walk away from the most important person in my life on the day he needed me most.
The ride home was a blur and my thoughts were whizzing by in no particular order and my heart ached. I only thought I knew about heartache before but this was by far the most indescribable pain I have ever felt in my life. I wanted to die right then and there, it simply didn't matter at all to me any more. I think we went to moms before we went home but I am really not sure... my body was on autopilot and my mind was somewhere else. We got to my house and I walked in the front door but just couldn't be confined at that moment and walked out the back door to the deck... where I hurled off the side when I thought no one was looking.
People came and went and I barely remember who, but I did remember my cousins who lived close by were there and my grandmother too. Mom had come with us to my house and I don't know where dad was at this time. Ariel and Scott were there and of course Rosco was too. I do remember people telling stories trying to make us feel a little better but... I was lost. The phones were ringing constantly and some were just complete surprises from the past. They had heard on the news and put it together that it was Trey, although they used his full name.
Food started showing up and I was touched that my old boss had heard the news and sent over a tray from the local deli. Especially since I left in such a rush. One of the girls I used to work with came by as well and bless her heart she had made a casserole dish. If you knew how hard it was for her to cook you'd know just how much that meant to me, that she would go to so much trouble. Every new face I saw brought a fresh round of tears and sorrow. People were busy doing things and cleaning up all around me and I was barely aware.
The one call I dreaded to make was to my friend Janet who was still on her honeymoon. I didn't want to ruin what was supposed to be the happiest time in her life. So I waited until they got home a little later... maybe even a few days... but when I thought about her and then Trey not ever going to have the opportunity... I broke down again.
After most of the people had left the rest of us stayed up talking and crying until 4 am or so. We eventually laid down but I didn't sleep all that much... just dozed only to awake and relive it all over again. When I did get up it took me three times to make the coffee, something I had been doing for 20 years. I couldn't even handle something as simple as that so how was I going to make it through this day? All I knew for sure was that nothing else mattered... not one bit.
21. When Worlds Collide II >>>>>
1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these
links to read in order (some chapters have
songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
We've come so far in a short amount of time and this will be the last of the introductions to the people who have been in my life, even if only for a short while, before the day that changed everything. I have been trying to separate the facts from fiction in my memories and struggle to find a way to describe my relationship between Mom, Trey and me. I 'd like to include dad but even though my dad's body was present his mind was slowly slipping away and he spent much of his time in the tool shed out back. The early summer was pretty unremarkable but things started happening full speed ahead toward the end. Ariel and Scott had started dating again and she really thought he was the one for her. Her mama was deteriorating pretty quickly from the cancer and she was in fear of being laid off from her job. Janet, Ariel and I would meet up at the Old Folks Bar still and it was around this time that Janet found a really great guy. I however needed to have my teeth pulled and was having a hard time finding a dentist that would oblige because they wanted to save them. We had tried that repeatedly and it wasn't working so that last 3 day weekend when I had pain so bad on a Friday afternoon, I was knee walking the house. My mom had come by the house that day and once she realized the severity of the situation she felt helpless. For the entire weekend I couldn't eat, sleep, work or anything for that matter. I can tolerate a good deal of pain but that pushed me right to the edge. I finally went back to an old dentist mom and Trey used and he agreed to help me and then the long process began.
My neighbor Daisy and I were talking a lot more then and were really becoming as close as we could given the time and conditions. Since she had been living almost next door for so long I now knew that she did indeed work very hard and took care of many people too. She made the same mistake I did in trusting Bonnie so we had more in common than I thought. She was an excellent baker and could bake sweets that would make your mouth water just from the smell alone. Over the years she had adopted an open door policy at the holidays for anyone who wanted a meal and we did too over at my house. You just never knew who would show up to these things until they were there. Over the years we looked after each others places if we were going to be out of town and it was nice to be able to rely on someone dependable for a change. Funny how my first impressions were wrong. In my experience anybody could get anything, but it was a measure of the person as to whether they could keep it or not. That speaks volumes about a persons character at least with me. And let me tell you she was not afraid of very much and if she needed to she would bounce people out of that bar if they needed it in a skinny minute. She had finally made manager of the bar and things looked like they were looking up.
I only saw Trey a few times while he was at his dad's * because they worked out of town and were only home on the weekends. My ex was pretty strict with his time but the few times I did get to see him, he was different, quieter, thinner and his nails were bit down to the quick. I kept asking him what was wrong but he didn't want to talk about it and I can only guess he was trying to find a way to either handle it or get out of it. Then later I got a phone call from mom telling me that she was on her way, to pick him up from a friends house near his dad. Trey had run out on his dad and decided that was it... he was not going back. Mom picked him up and called my ex who was mad to say the least and refused to give Trey anything that belonged to him. Most of it mom and I had paid for but that made no difference to his father. That's when they came to my house and I saw the bruises on his chest and heard the story he had to tell. Well at least the highlights because I think Trey knew if I knew the whole story then I would bust hell wide open to make it right. That's when we called the police because we knew my ex was not going to give the kid back, his stuff. We filed the report took the pictures and then they went home to moms where he slept for days and eat like he hadn't had a meal in weeks. My ex tried to use the old agreement papers to retain custody and when that didn't work he then went to see a attorney or called one rather. Okay... if that's how he wanted to play it then... I know of a few really good ones so that's what we did. No not the famous one, we needed another family attorney. Mom and I split the $1000 cost for the retainer and then he went to work. Mean while we had to go out and buy him some clothes because the kid didn't have anything when he left.
You see, my ex didn't like it that Trey smoked pot and I don't think mom helped matters by talking about it to my ex. It's not that he didn't have a right to know, it's the fact he didn't have the ability to make good judgements where Trey's well being was concerned. He had proven it time and time again by waltzing in an out of his life when I asked him to make a choice... in or out? He proved it by taking Trey when he was younger and by avoiding paying child support as long as he could. He also proved, when he kept Trey's stuff that he really was a selfish man who didn't remember what he was doing at that age or how he felt when his dad did those things to him. Now I knew for sure that my ex was turning out just like dad. I have said that I knew Trey
smoked and rather than being a hypocrite I accepted it for what it was
and knew given time he would grow up. The absolute saddest part for me is that I know Trey just wanted his dad to love him and be a dad. Something my ex was not prepared to do at least not with him. I can only hope his new child is a different story for her sake.
Here is where I screw up big time. You know I haven't had the easiest of life and so I have sympathy for people who are down on their luck, even if it is the worst choice personally. Around the time when the police cars showed up at my house for Trey, Daisy's brothers were back in town and saw what was going on. Rosco was very concerned when he heard the story and offered his help. Knowing his story through his sister, I was well briefed on his craziness and told him as a last resort we would give him a call if I needed him. Well the attorney had gotten through to my ex and we were told we could come and pick up Trey's stuff from the house. Anyone but me at least so I asked Ariel to go with mom and Rosco volunteered to go as well. I rode with them as far as the corner bar where they dropped me off to wait until it was finished and my ex video taped the whole thing acting like he had a handle on the situation as usual. They were finished pretty quickly and nobody got hurt.
Rosco was pumped and he talked a mile a minute on the way home. He had great plans for everything and all he needed was a little time. He came back to town to help his sister out and back home their mom wasn't doing to well either. But no fear he was here to save the day! Over the next few months he talked about doing everything but actually did very little while he was there and things were again getting tense at his sisters. He had talked to me to let me know he was interested but I told him I'm not interested in whatever he was looking for. But he didn't hear me or want to hear as many in my life don't and then began the hard sell. He needed a place to live because it wasn't working with his sister and I told him he could stay. Mean while he tells me one thing and then tell his sister a whole other story as guys like him do. He was always at one of our houses so we never had a chance to talk to each other without him trying to change the story or cover up a flat out lie. I mean he did show up with a duffle bag and not much else. He had dreams too but wanted me to believe in him and I just could not do it but I humored him because it was easier. He always had to put on a big show just like Marvelous but he had no clue I was as burnt out on that as I was of my job at the time. I would listen to him as he was wheeling and dealing and it was pure fantasy most of the time.
Ariel got some tickets to the Rascal Flats concert shortly after that event for Trey and I with two of her friends going as well. It was the first time Trey and I had been to a concert together. Well I took a shot of tequila after I had already finished my drink and it was too much so I got sick as usual and ended up going home early, while Trey hung out with Ariel's friends and had a really good time. That's when I decided that it was about time to give up on drinking because I wasn't ever going to get better at it no matter how much I practiced. I am a smoker and that's what I should stick to. The sad part was that Trey was drinking a little that night too and he out drank me without so much as a hiccup. At the very least I could use this as an example of quitting when you are in over you head. Even as a stress reliever drinking was not working and I really was getting tired of it and hanging out in bars even. There were so many other things that needed to be done...
Well the holiday's were soon upon us again and that's when Trey saw Rosco again and because he had gone with him to get his stuff from his dad's, Trey thought he was so cool. He listened to all his stories but because he had little experience he couldn't tell that they were mostly made up. That Thanksgiving though we had a lot of fun and Trey went over to Daisy's and played like he was starving so he could get another plate of food and they all sat over there and watched the game. Things were starting to return to normal... well sort of. Mom and I shopped for Trey Christmas presents that year at the mall. I hate the mall but Trey really wanted cool t shirts and jeans from one of the trendy stores there and so we went. Between the two of us we spent close to $750 on new clothes, the red hoodie and shoes because many of his good ones didn't make it home as well as several of his small electronics. Humph! Turns out my ex was not so forthcoming when it was time to return his sons stuff and helped himself to what ever he wanted. A grown man acting like a child made me all the more thankful I had left him when I did. But Trey was getting angrier by the day. The more he thought about what happened there the more it festered into a slow boil. My sweet, dopey, sometimes mouthy, space cadet of a son even on a bad day held the internal hope of everybody getting along... was now mad, hurt and had no idea which way to turn.
You see when 5 different people are telling you 5 completely different things and only one is telling the truth... then it is hard to know which one is lying if you have no experience with life or liars. And if you are getting 5 stories that are even remotely similar then just how is a 17 year old to know who is telling him the truth, especially about the most critical details? I can only hope that despite my mistakes over the years, I had still proven to be an open person to him but he was still too close to it, so it was hard for him to see. Christmas was tough because Trey did go over to his dad's house and came home hurt because they didn't get him anything... at all and never mind returning anything that was his either. It was like the ultimate insult and my poor baby just wasn't ready. By New Years Eve we all needed a little time off to blow off some steam and so Trey went out with his friends and I went out with mine. All of us from the group save for Daisy because she was working, went to the Country bar. Big night, big time and big mouths all come together that night. Scott and Ariel with me and Rosco and a few other of Ariel's and Scott's friends.
That night while out with my friends I made the decision I was done with my job as a PI and I was going to turn in my equipment the next day. I just could not get back in that car and deal with that life any more, because it was costing me too much. I had reached my breaking point and knew it was now or never even though I had no clue what I was going to do. While I would have liked Rosco to have been helpful to both Daisy and I, it was not going to be. I needed time to think and be alone and that was hard to come by because he had invaded my space and was causing turmoil every time I turned around. The fragile friendship I had with Daisy was disintegrating and it was all my fault for letting Rosco stay at the house with me. She needed even more help with things than I did but Rosco doesn't really ever help anybody in the long run. He's like a slow moving hurricane that leaves a path of destruction a mile wide. I had made a decision that I had to do something about him too but how do I get out of this? Somewhere around this time Ariel and I went to the Biltmore House both for the first time and it was snowing. At some point we got an ice cream and ate it outside and she was in shorts! I was freezing most of the time hanging out with her and then she would ask me why my hands were so cold. :) Hmmm let me think!
I saw Trey a couple of more times after I quit my job and first was when I took him to try out for his license about this time... I think. I have to locate said license and that might be a minute. That day we practiced his three point turn in the parking lot after paying his insurance. He did pretty good considering he wasn't used to my car. We got to the DMV, sat there while waiting to be seen, taking the test and get out to my car. The inspector says I have to fix something? on my car. We leave and race to the nearest place, get it checked out and fixed in time to race back, wait and he barely made the driving cut off time. He takes off with the the inspector and he fails his test. Poor kid looked just defeated but perked up when I said we could stop by Sonic on the way back to moms. I wish I could remember what we were talking about... Most likely nothing important just the everyday happens of life. As a parent asks what, where, when, who and how much? A teenager is answering in varying degrees of the truth with youthful exuberance. Mom took him back about a week or so later and he finally got his license. Later he and mom stopped by so he could take some pictures for photography class. He took pictures of stuff and trying for some cool effects but the end results were... a little off. Kind of like us. To this day I regret not taking more pictures of him when he got older, but having a camera in my hand at work made me not even think about it after I got home sometimes.
About the last week of February was the last time I saw his sweet face full of life. I had to go down to moms because he was throwing a fit because they had been arguing about something? Trey was still dealing with his dad's rejection, pressure at school and home. Things were coming to a head that evening and when I went and talked to him he didn't want to listen to me either. I was getting aggravated by the whole situation at that point and felt like I was just as in the middle as he was. But he did ask me for a ride to the store and I took him to get a pack of smokes. I am pretty sure he was high off something other than pot though. I got pissed and reamed him a new one. I asked him where he was getting it and he told me but I didn't believe him. I am sure he was covering for someone else. When we pulled up to the store he looked at me and asked for some money which I replied... "You gotta be kidding right? You ain't got any money? I might be okay with you smoking but I am not going to pay for it... habits are expensive so welcome to the real world." Then took him back home. I'm pretty sure I told him I loved him as was my habit but I don't think he was feeling it that night. He did call a few days later though and ask me if I would get him a car to which I asked "I don't know are you getting a job?" I loved to give him a hard time to make him squirm a little bit. The old Honda was wore out and needed a little love but I planned on giving it to him for graduation. No matter what it took I was going to find a way out of this mess and make sure he had a good ride because he would be free soon. I just didn't know how free that would be... and we are getting to the Heart of the Matter.
At some point during this year I saw on the news where a couple of brothers had lost their lives on a road I traveled frequently when I first started as a PI. They were traveling in a large SUV and lost control and just like that they were gone. By the end of the news cast I was in tears because I tried to put myself in their shoes by imagining what that life would have been like for us. My heart hurt for the boys, the parents and everyone that loved and cared for them. And I thanked God Trey was still okay and thought that since I had been spared so much over the years that he would be too. But the universe has a way of it's own. Shortly after seeing this news report my friend Scott and I were talking about things and he asked me out of the blue what was my worst fear and I said to him "That something would happen to Trey... "
20. When Worlds Collide I >>>>>
1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these
links to read in order (some chapters have
songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
Working things out in my mind takes many turns and just when I think I've handled something... it shows me just how wrong I can be. I have always tried to deal with things as they come no matter how difficult. Somethings are definitely harder and take much longer such as losing Trey and that's one reason I haven't written too much about him at this point. Other things I've been through many times and feel like I have the process down pat. I don't like it but I understand it. Like friends coming and going... but there are times especially now when the process fails me completely. I take the high road until I run out of road and then the only thing left is to travel the unfamiliar path. I thought I was finally free from Marvelous but he did show up from time to time as mentioned previously. While I was licking my wounds, I still felt hope for the future to maybe find a friend or two or even a really good guy later, if that was still possible, but for now I was comfortably single. I was at a Crossroads of sorts.
So I did what many newly single women do and got dressed up and went out and yes I went alone. Doing the work I did cured me of any problem of walking into any establishment alone and making myself at home but the places I went to were usually old familiar ones where I knew a lot of people. I had met a really cool lady earlier who was an industrial interior designer and because of my love for intelligence or design, we really hit it off. She thought it was cool I was PI and after one night at the Old Folks Bar when Marvelous was acting stupid in the parking lot and I asked him did he have to make an idiot of himself every time he was in public?... she thought I was great. Men... sometimes they are so simple it's complicated. She watched my relationship with Marvelous implode very soon after that and then we were both single with kids so we had a lot in common. We'll call her Janet and we had a chance to go out a few times. Janet really was a sweetheart who had so much talent in singing she could have attended Juilliard. Like many single working mothers she was supper busy but just needed to find the time for herself and maybe meet a good guy. And no, neither of us were looking for Mr. Right in the bar. ;) These next two photos were taken by Trey while he was practicing with the camera. I'd love to tell you he got better at it but I'm afraid that just wasn't so... but the blurriness helped me a lot!
I also kept up with Krystal and
Ryan over the years and was sad when I heard they broke up. Unfortunately
she was still on the path to self destruction and there was nothing I
could say to her that would get her to stop. She would come over to my
house in later years and I had just one rule. No strange men and she
didn't break that rule until 2007 or so. And that's when she brought a guy we'll call Spike who was from Union County and he was a hard core IV drug user but
despite that he was pretty intelligent... drug problem not withstanding
of course. I think his aunt was even my history teacher in school and
she was one of the best teachers back then. He loved her and she loved
him but they were a bad combination. She left him eventually and he
started to call me and that was just the sort of thing I was looking to
avoid. Once she disappears I don't see her for long periods of time so I
took the few things she had to his house and had a long talk with him.
Long story was he didn't have a back up plan after he was in an
accident that cut his military dreams short. Since this was much later
after round 2 with Marvelous I was still reeling from that so we both
had a lot to talk about. I watched him try to find an available vein for
over an hour and he remarked that I wasn't scared of him or anything
and I asked why should I be? He then asked me if this was fun and I
told him not really... it's kind of boring way of life... like watching a human pin cushion. He then gave me
a book called The Road Less Traveled and it was pretty remarkable
coming from him so I again learned not to judge a book by it's cover. I
saw Krystal once or twice after that and that was all. She disappeared
again, I think back with Ryan and as usual life goes on.
Toward the end of February is when my great grandmother Maw Maw who was 99 years old died and I was so proud of Trey when we all got together as a very large extended family for the last time. He helped old Uncle Pat who was my granddad's brother into the building and patiently sat through the whole thing with no complaints as kids his age have a tendency to sometimes. This is the time Marvelous got his reference from me after aggravating the living snot out of me. Daisy and I had been neighbors now almost 11 years and her brother Luke would come visit from time to time bringing his beautiful English Bulldog Spartacus when he came and I fell in love him. The dog not the man although I did like the man. I had talked to Daisy because
she was so close she saw the last of Marvelous and all that transpired
up close and personal so we had also became sort of friends. She had been telling me about her second bother for years and we'll call him Rosco. Rosco was a con and that was pretty much all there is too it.
Although I
felt like the Bonnie thing would always be between us it worked out. I would go and
help her out at the Old Folks bar when I had time and that wasn't often, believe
me. Bonnie's Clyde #4? from New York hung out there again. He had divorced his wife he married while still dating Bonnie, then married Bonnie, divorced her and then remarried the 2nd wife. I thought I had problems? At this time both of Daisy's brothers where in town and they spent more time over at my house because they were bored. Rosco liked to talk more than any man I have ever met in my life. When the brothers left it was in a hurry because there was always some family drama going on and that time was no exception. Then for Valentines Day night I decided to go out to the
big Country Bar here in Charlotte because I didn't think I would see
too many people there I didn't want to see. Thankfully I was right...
at least that night. I was ready to let it all hang out! It is a popular place still to this day so you
never really know who will be there when. I knew a bouncer there and
knew he was married with kids and a super good guy even though I thought
he was crazy for letting Marvelous drive his motorcycle once.
I had
met his sister about a year earlier and really liked her but only saw
her that one time... until she happened to call me that day out of the blue so we decided to meet at the bar that night. We'll call her Ariel because she was a preachers kid and you guessed it... she was buck wild too. At least back in her day but she was older now with a great amount of responsibility. Her beloved mother was dying of cancer and her job was even more stressful than mine at times. Turns out her brother went to school with my boss and with the bosses dad frequenting the Country bar from time to time, it made it a really awkward place to be sometimes. And here is where Ariel told me she would love to meet a big, bald, redneck, guy with a goatee. In my infinite wisdom right about the time I spotted Scott and his crew at the bar, I said, " Well come on! I got one for ya." So I introduced them thinking this would be great because we could all still be friends and they hit it off. Well for a little while anyway and then it went south after a few months or so and I felt really bad.
We swapped stories, many you've
read here and became really good friends. I like strong independent
women who know what's going on. It saves time explaining things and
let's us relate our ideas or feelings more efficiently. We were
different people with different experiences but we had so much to talk
about. We hung out and went out. We met each others families and for
the first time in a while I felt like I had made a true friend that I
would do just about anything for. Ariel shared her childhood experiences with being a preachers kid and felt like her mom raised her to be a wife and a mother. My mom raised me to get out so I just couldn't understand the philosophy. She was bad to hold grudges and I tried to show her the futility of that. Forgiveness without forgetting and moving on is not forgiving and that's like giving free rent in your head to the people that have hurt you the most... with out doing the work to learn the lessons. I also learned that Ariel had to
compartmentalize her life in order to make it through the day and
she carried a lot of pain around, which caused her to drink more than a college kid after finals.
I told her she could stay and keep fighting the same old fight with people or she could pick up her toys and go home, lick your wounds and move on. Not to be confused with her mantra of keeping it moving because there is no time to process life's lessons so we can learn from them. Just hanging out with her helped me tremendously with getting over Marvelous and all the hurt he had caused. Unfortunately I still had to listen to a few people come up to me to tell me something he had done at one time or another and finally I said... Enough is enough! If you couldn't tell me when things were happening then don't bother now. I needed no more information on just how low he could go. Got it... thank you! Ariel had a best friend take off with her fiance once so she understood all that comes with it and I think we both really laughed at each others idea's on how to handle men like that. Again because she is such an intensely private person I am severely limited in what I can reveal. Most of this is public knowledge if there is such a thing in their family. But I did take her to the Old Folks Bar and she loved it there because no one knew her!
She asked me to help her move and I said no problem. I showed up and started packing her stuff pretty quickly and then packing the cars. She looked at me and said good gosh you're pretty good at this. I replied yes I have done it a time or 15 over the years. I have never seen anyone so happy because I knew how to hang a curtain rod and didn't have to wait on a guy to do it. She had a great dog who I just fell in love with and two of her other friends to help so we had it done it no time. Once she was kidding with me and told me her dream was to live in a trailer on a chicken farm. I said "WHAT!, REALLY!" I can say that was not even in the top 100 list of things to do before I die, but she couldn't understand why. Later we went back to the Old Folks Bar where she met Janet. They hit it off too and I was so relieved. She had already met Daisy and had the 411 on all that. For the first time in a long time things were looking up and everybody was getting along.
I knew a lot of people in the bar even before Daisy had because it seems that everyone ends up back there after a relationship goes south. It was around this time that Little Bits brother entered the bar who I hadn't seen since he left high school. We talked, caught up and then Daisy asked me how I knew him, so I told her. Turns out they had been friends too for a while and yes the world still gets a little bit smaller everyday. A lot of old customers from The Rack come in there too and some nights it was like a family reunion. So between these two ladies one a professional bartender (Daisy) and the other a professional drinker (Ariel) is when I practiced drinking with the hopes of being able to hang. Yeah, I know. High hopes but it was a safe environment. The following pretty much sums up my experience with it from start to finish.
I really did have that t shirt at one time too and it did give me the courage to get out on the dance floor and I found a great partner to dance with... a guy from the old pool room. He loved it and was a sweet guy too but I got the feeling pretty fast that he was looking for a whole lot more than I was. I was just looking to play and have some fun and yes I told him too. I had actually met him and a friend of his at the same time. His friend introduced himself first by saying, "Hi I'm an asshole." I replied, "Bye, I'm done!" You ain't got to tell me twice! If only all guys could just be that up front and honest... life would be so much simpler.
The only problems I had was working as a PI was wearing me out and I was miserable. There were still very little options available at the time and I was wondering Where do we go from here? I had been in the car for about 13 years now and it was time to find something else to do. Sitting in it thinking about everything that was going on outside in the world was too much. I wanted to be out in the world, not just watching more people who seemingly have it all throw it away... time after time. Getting time off for anything was like asking my parents for the car. It just wasn't happening and the other main reason I got into the business was to be able to control my own schedule to a certain degree. Trey had gone to live with his dad after the Christmas holiday's and I knew this was going to be bad. I really wanted to be there for him more and since he was finishing up junior year I knew I had to get ready for after the graduation. I was pretty sure mom was going to throw him out after that because her patience was wore out with the whole situation so I just knew I would have my turn to spend some time with him. It would soon be time to Turn the Page.
19. One Last Time >>>>>
1. Home to Contradictions, 2. Six Degrees from Home, 3. Welcome Back to My Therapy,
4. Lying, Cheating, Stealing and Intent, 5. Power of You, 6. One Split Second,
7. Marvelous Mistakes, 8. I made a choice to make a change, 9. Connections to the Farm,
10. Back to the Farm, 11. It's a small world after all, 12 Fair Weather Friends,
13. Ghost of Roommates Past, 14. You can never go to far, 15. Glamorous Life,
16. Double Standards, 17. Lazy? No Exhausted, 18. Crossroads of Life and Death, 19. One Last Time, 20. When Worlds Collide I, 21. When Worlds Collide II, 22. When Worlds Collide III 23. The Unwanted New World, 24. Means the Old World Must Go, 25. So Where was God in all this? 26. Where did you get that from?, 27. The Reason for My Season, 28. Was Always a Little Rascal, 29. Pictures and Quotes of the Little Rascal and final chapter 30. Closing in Contradictions. ~Use these
links to read in order (some chapters have
songs, new added content, pictures or all:) Volume 2 >>>>>
You know good intentions really do pave the way to hell. I think I've laid enough bricks to know this and we are Ants Marching down the street. After Shirley left it was a very surreal time and when the next 2 roommates after Scott didn't work out then it was time to make some serious decisions. Like what I am going to do to make some extra money because I had to buy another car soon. Things at the law firm where still deteriorating and I had a nervous feeling not just about my future there but the future of the whole firm. So I called Bonnie's mom who was still a PI and serving papers and asked if I could help? She said sure, there was plenty of work to do, so I met with her to get the details of what I needed to do. The application process required ALL of my job information for the last 10 years and since I was 26 then, that meant about 25 or so odd jobs since I was 16. Boy that was a chore trying to chart out where, when and who. Mostly her clients were trying to serve a lot of dead beat parents and most of them lived in some of the worst hoods in the area. Great! Also you don't get paid if you don't serve the paper and she didn't pay mileage at all so the pay was not that great but it would get me in the door. I learned how to flick those docs through a closing door at the speed of light! I was cussed out and chased a few times but nothing really too bad. I spent a lot of time in my car then for both jobs and that was just the beginning. I asked her about Bonnie and learned that she hadn't spoke to her since she had to repo her car which caused another rift in the family. I felt comfortable enough to go ahead with the work because Bonnie didn't seem to be an issue for either of us.
Sometime later I was walking outside to leave and saw a moving truck with Daisy emptying the contents and carrying the stuff to the unit just 1 door down from me. Last I had seen her was with Bonnie and this was the last place I'd thought I'd see her again! I mean I picked this place because no one I knew lived around here and now that was out the door! She said hey in a smart ass way and just kept on unloading her stuff. I left but I have to admit I was pretty upset about this and learned a little later that the place Daisy was renting was owned by a lady who went to the Old Folks Bar which is how she found it because Daisy now worked at this bar. Later still I asked her if she had seen Bonnie and learned they had parted ways as well. It seems that she had also outlived her usefulness to Bonnie which was something I had experienced myself so we both thought each other a little suspect... to say the least. But over the next few months things settled down and so I didn't worry too much about it. As I look back now I think because I asked about Bonnie twice then the universe felt obliged to provide and answer.
Well by this time Christmas 1998 was coming up shortly and I got really busy with things as most of us do around that time. In November I bought the Honda and now I have a 5 year car payment added to the mortgage. Just swell. Again as I was leaving the house I saw Bonnie sitting on Daisy's front steps in her classic multicolored bathrobe that you couldn't miss. I did a double take and she too said hey in a smart ass way. I sighed, shook my head and continued on. Absolutely unbelievable! I know I don't have the greatest luck in the world but this was turning out to be my worst year ever so far in the new location. I still saw her over the month but ignored her as much as possible because I didn't want to go through this again. Twice was enough but she had other plans.
Approximately a week or so before Christmas I left for work and there was a card under the windshield that was from her. I read it after I got to work and she said she was sorry for everything and we needed to talk... soon. I think she even called me at work but I didn't talk to her because I knew where she lived now... so no point in wasting my time there with it. After I got home that evening I decided to get it over with and clear the air so maybe I could go on and get some peace. As usual she was very charming and clever with her stories about how difficult she had it and her and Daisy were not getting along too. She explained how things shook out the last time with them and the only reason she moved in with her was because she needed something... a ride to the bar they both worked at... something along those lines. She also told me my ex Willie had been a regular customer at the bar and even got thrown out one night when he head butted the owner. Nice! She was desperate to move out and wanted to move in with me... of course. I told her no I wasn't going through this again because you use people and when you are done, you just throw them away. Thanks... but no thanks.
I also told her I was working for her mother and the conflicts were not something I wanted to be in the middle of. She promised there would be no problems with that and then took me over to Daisy's to see her tiny room that she was in. Her son was now a teenager and she really wanted to have room for him to come and visit as he too was living at her moms. Trey was living with my mom still so I felt I understood where she was coming from on that. She was persistent and had a pocket full of cash she said she made from working at the bar. Well I relented and let her move in. It probably took less than 2 hours to move what little stuff she had over to my place and she seemed thrilled. After we finished I noticed a lot of the stuff she brought over was my stuff, that I hadn't seen since we lived together the last time. Humph... if that ain't a sign I don't know what is! That year she decorated the house so well that the Griswolds would have been proud. It was great until I got that $250 power bill in January which caused me to have a cow. I told her mom about the arrangement and she told me to be careful. So the next few months I walked that Tightrope between mother and daughter but it went okay... for a while. But as usual things come to a head and go boom!
Bonnie was dating a man who had just recently left his wife of 20 years. They had been on cruises together with Daisy too and had a whirlwind romance. We'll call him Clyde # 4 and this one was from New York! Well things must have cooled off at some point so she was trying to get his attention back and one night set the wall on fire from a candle which caused them to bust the waterbed...somehow. That is the night I refer to as the fire and the flood. It took forever to clean the mess up but we managed. She was Livin' La Vida Loca. Later when Clyde #4 married another lady then continued to see Bonnie I thought she was crazy to stay but she did and turned on the charm even more. That's when I learned what the other women do when they want to be noticed by the wife, from leaving their hair in the bed to spraying the cologne so strong that it stays in the sheets. I was fascinated by this train wreck that I was watching but had no power to stop the collision from happening. Bonnie and I went out to the bars some and one night she got hammered and after we got home started to get sick. I literally caught the first one in my hand... ewwww. I spent the rest of the night holding her head off the toilet and keeping cool rags on her head.
Around this time is when I had the brilliant idea to send a letter to Marvelous when he was in prison because it had been over 5 years since I had been with anyone and I was kinda lonely. Again I thought I could resolve the situation before I could move on. Wrong! Bonnie had started to work for another near by bar and grill but only managed to stay there for a few months at the most. Again I started to see the signs that things were headed in the direction of disaster but I kept quiet for a while. When I had bumped a pole in the car she knew someone from the bar that would help get the dents out and saved me a good bit of dough. I was hoping she would come to her senses about Clyde but that didn't seem to be happening. She was my friend but I felt the vibe that she was Addicted to Love and being with a man was more important than any friendship and I got sad.
But things happened pretty quickly after that with Marvelous as you have read and before I knew it we were together again. Shortly after that I got fired from the law firm because I wouldn't kiss this one attorney's butt... one more time. The law firm then closed it's doors by that Christmas and I knew there was more to that story but what do you do? I talked to Bonnie's mom about it and took on more work with her and eventually got my associates licenses to start. Unfortunately I couldn't pay my bills on that salary no matter how hard I worked. It also made it harder for me when she went on vacation for a week and left another lady in charge. I had stopped by to pick up some paperwork and this lady with another one was ransacking her office. They stated they were reorganizing it but I could tell something fishy was going on, but had no way of contacting the boss. When she came back the boss asked what did I know about what happened and I told her the little I knew. Those ladies cleaned out her contact list and much other valuable information. I knew I had to do something then so I went to another PI firm which was also located in the law firms building and asked for their numbers. I knew this firm was there but just hadn't been ready to seek out all the information and see if they were hiring... until now.
I remember being at Bonnie's
moms house one evening with both of them and she was showing me a few old photos of her
mom. I was surprised to see her with Lew from the farm way back in the
day and both of them were surprised I knew him. Another connection I found out was that a cousin of mine had lived
right down the road from them when they were younger and was well known to both families!
This cousin was the one who tripped me as a child at one of the family
reunions and later his brother (also my cousin) moved one street up from me. Then even later Lew moved right across the street from him and that's when I found out that Marvelous had been in prison with Lew and my cousin! This world had shrank to the size of a golf ball as far as I was concerned so apparently I didn't go far enough.
By this time it was close to Christmas 1999 and we all made it though the holiday's okay and even Marvelous, Bonnie and I went to the beach for New Years 2000. While down there we ran into Misty the girl I went to high school with and as I have said before, my friends rarely like each other. I used the think that they were so different from each other but now think they were more alike than anything else. That's when things went south pretty quickly because Bonnie swore she saw Marvelous kissing some chick that night and I was stuck because both of them were skilled liars. With all the stress of working for her mom and living with her I made the decision to tell her it was time to move on. I was really sad that our friendship was over as well as exhausted but I needed a break from the constant drama and was lucky enough to get the new job at the PI firm by the end of January. I started off working 80 hour work weeks because this one case was 8 am to 8 pm 6 or 7 days a week and then we had all of our regular work. While I worked that long never ending case we sat in the clubhouse parking lot to watch for the person to go by and that's when I noticed my ex sister in laws husband Curly working at it. Later I would see Daisy and her brother Luke off and on, which is when I learned that the money Bonnie had when she moved in was stolen from them. Bonnie had talked just as much junk about me to them as she talked about them. Much later though Luke would introduce me to a friend that I would have for life.
Art at The Carillon Building Photo Courtesy of Native Charlottean Group Facebook.
15. Glamorous Life >>>>>
